Because Tomorrow Comes - Chapter 16, Honeymoon in Paris part 3
Title: Because Tomorrow Comes - Chapter 16 - Honeymoon in Paris part 3
Author: Marakeshsparrow
Rating: M
Pairing: YunJae
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Warning: This is a work of fiction. I own nothing and do not claim to have any knowledge to real life events. This is how reality played out in my brain, but again it is FICTION.
Summary: Kim Jaejoong and Jung Yunho struggle to move on from the past. After the break-up of the super group TVXQ, they are haunted by memories, regrets, and loss. But there is no escaping the future and no way to return to the days of old. Will they be able to come to terms with their present and learn how to move forward without each other?
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 part 1 | Chapter 12 part 2 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15
A/N: And here we have it, the conclusion of the Honeymoon in Paris! I hope you enjoy--I think this is one of my fav chapters so far. xD
Korean terms:
Hyung = older brother, a term used for older male friends, not only blood relations
Dongsaeng = younger sibling
Chapter 16 - Honeymoon in Paris part 3
July, 2007 - Paris, France
The next day was a full day of more exploring, casual, candid photo shoots and filming around the city for their behind the scenes special. Everyone was in a pretty decent mood, though jet lag had officially set in and they weren’t quite as ecstatic or energetic as when they first arrived. Again, Jaejoong really hadn’t been able to sleep-though not for the reasons he’d originally planned.
The night before when they’d returned to their hotel rooms, Jaejoong had grabbed some clothes out of his bag and quickly slipped into the bathroom, being careful to avoid Yunho’s glances and attempts to touch him. He came back out in sweats and started to pull back the comforter on one of the beds.
Yunho took off his shirt, watching Jaejoong all the while. He moved to help him fix the bed.
“You’ve got an awful lot of clothes on.” He smirked. “We may need to fix that situation.”
Jaejoong wouldn’t take the bait.
“Since we’ve got an early start tomorrow, I think I just want to get some sleep.”
Yunho stepped back from the bed. “Oh…really?”
“I’m sorry.”
Jaejoong did feel bad, but as much as his body might have wanted Yunho’s touch, his heart still had that tight, painful feeling. He kept hearing Yunho’s words:
I had always imagined I’d eventually get married and have kids…
Jaejoong turned away to rifle through his bag, the sudden sting of tears much too dangerous.
“Well we can just sleep, it’s not that big of a deal.”
He felt the mattress dip as Yunho sat on the edge. He looked at the handsome, dark-haired man.
“Actually…I think I want to sleep by myself.”
Yunho blinked a few times, face blank. He stood up from the bed slowly as if afraid to make a sudden move.
“I don’t understand what’s happened. You were so happy earlier today. And then at the tower…” Yunho trailed off.
Jaejoong remained silent and turned to focus his attention back on his suitcase.
“Is it something I did?” The leader pressed, talking to his back.
“I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep on the flight,” he mumbled.
Yunho huffed and Jaejoong heard him walk away. He was pulling back the sheets on the other bed, clearly frustrated. Jaejoong’s heart clenched tighter.
“Yunho-yah…”
“You drive me crazy sometimes.” Yunho finished wrestling with the sheets and turned fiery eyes on the other man.
“Why can’t you just be honest with me and tell me what’s going on, rather than playing these games? I thought we were past that.”
Jaejoong swallowed; he didn’t know how to explain.
“I’m just tired,” he insisted and crawled under the blankets, turning away from Yunho and burrowing his head in the pillows.
“I’ll be better tomorrow,” he said low, barely audible-he wasn’t even sure if Yunho had heard him.
The room was silent, but then a gentle hand touched his back- a small comforting gesture. Jaejoong felt a bit of that tightness unfurl. Then the touch was gone. The lights switched off and he heard Yunho crawl into his own bed.
Jaejoong sighed. He was tired, but again sleep would not come.
Now in the light of day, he did feel a bit better-but he could tell things weren’t quite right between him and Yunho. He attempted to lose himself in work, hamming around in front of the camera, making jokes with Yoochun and doing interviews with the PD (who seemed to be slightly taken with him) while the others had their hair and the last touches to their wardrobe finished.
Despite his attempts to distract himself, he couldn’t help but notice that now Yunho was the one keeping his distance. He remained on his own or next to Changmin, never quite engaging with Jaejoong, doing a really good job of pretending they weren’t in a relationship (as Tae-suk hyung had asked). In fact, if it wasn’t for the ring that Yunho still had on his little finger, he would wonder if he’d dreamt the whole thing, hallucinated it in a fever and finally woken to cruel, cold reality.
He was angry with himself because there was no one else to blame. Why had he let himself ruin a perfectly happy getaway, a perfect opportunity for them to be alone together, when it had been weeks since they’d had the chance?
He felt himself slipping, his veneer of cheerful effervescence cracking at the edges, but he did his best to keep his head on straight. He still had a job to do after all and he happened to be damn good at it. Though he might have ruined his own romantic vacation, he refused to ruin their photo book.
Things continued to move along smoothly, but not everyone was fooled by his act. As they walked down Rue Saint-Florentin, back towards the Place de Concorde with its obelisk and elaborate fountain, Yoochun stepped to his side.
“Did something happen between you and Yunho hyung? Did you get into a fight?” he asked in a low voice.
Jaejoong felt a chill go through him in shock-was Yoochun actually psychic like he joked? His deductive skills were uncanny. Or maybe he was just an expert at reading the slightly older singer; it seemed the longer they knew each other, the closer they became.
“I don’t really know,” he answered honestly. Had it been a fight?
“You don’t know? How can you not know if you had a fight? You either did or you didn’t.”
Jaejoong looked up the street to where Yunho was strolling with Junsu, laughing about some unknown joke.
“It’s my fault. I was acting really stupid last night. I don’t blame Yunho for not wanting to be around me.”
“What do you mean? What did you do?”
One of the cameramen moved past and Jaejoong was thankful they didn’t turn to focus on them; whatever Junsu was doing up ahead was deemed more entertaining. He sighed.
“I got into one of my moods and started asking Yunho weird things. When I didn’t hear what I wanted, I gave him the cold shoulder.”
“Ah…” Yoochun looked up at the Parisian sky thoughtfully.
They were on a fairly narrow street; the uniform buildings with their wrought-iron balconies surrounding them on either side and making it feel even smaller.
“I’m not proud. I know I was being childish,” Jaejoong added, feeling the need to redeem himself after his confession.
“More like girlish,” Yoochun quipped.
“Yah!” He barked in embarrassment, hitting Yoochun hard on the arm.
“I’m serious! Did you even tell Yunho what was going on in your head, or were you too busy sulking?”
Jaejoong gaped at his younger friend. He had no words. Yoochun patted him on the back in friendly support.
“Just be honest about what’s going on. He can’t read your mind. You’re going to push him away acting like that.”
From up ahead, Junsu called out to Yoochun; he flashed Jaejoong a smile and gave a shrug, then jogged over to the other member. Jaejoong shook his head and chuckled to himself-how was Yoochun always so right?
He suddenly felt like he had to be close to Yunho, he had to somehow let him know he was sorry. He’d told him before that he wouldn’t leave him, that he would stay by his side as long he could, and he had let doubt and senseless insecurity come between them. He wouldn’t do that anymore; he would keep his promise. It didn’t matter if Yunho wanted to get married someday-he would be with him and be happy as long as he possibly could.
Ahead the others were crossing the street to enter the large square. Jaejoong ran to keep up with them. He wouldn’t isolate himself anymore. He wouldn’t play games.
He was going to enjoy the present. He had a sinking suspicion that it may be all he had.
*****
They eventually ended up at the giant Ferris wheel in the center of the square. Jaejoong hadn’t gotten an opportunity to talk to Yunho, but he’d done his best to stay closer to him. Though it seemed his efforts had gone unnoticed; the leader was distracted by the cameras, the staff, and the sights.
But as they clustered together, beneath the shadow of the large amusement ride, Jaejoong was able to slip close behind the tall man and grab his hand without anyone noticing. Yunho looked around in surprise, catching Jaejoong’s eye. He blinked, as if still thrown off by this sudden display of affection, and then gave a crooked smile.
Jaejoong felt his heart flutter at the sight-his handsome Yunho always had such a strong effect on him.
“Hey,” Yunho murmured low, adjusting their hands to entwine their fingers.
“Yunho-yah…” Jaejoong started, wanting to somehow express all the things that were circling through his brain but not knowing how.
What he really wanted to do was wrap his arms around him, feel his solid warmth, lay his ear against his chest and listen to his heart beat so he could know he was real, that what they had was real and not just a dream.
“They want to take some pictures of you riding the Ferris wheel,” Tae-suk hyung suddenly appeared and Yunho broke his hand away. Jaejoong felt coldness creep over his fingers where warmth had just been.
“Yunho, why don’t you go buy the tickets-they can film you doing it.”
Yunho agreed dutifully and walked toward the ticket window. Jaejoong followed (though hadn’t been told to); he wouldn’t let him slip away now. They stood waiting to approach the counter, the PD filming them from a few feet away.
“Are you feeling better now?” Yunho asked softly, making a point not to give too much away in front of the camera. They weren’t mic’d so were able to speak somewhat freely.
Still, Jaejoong wasn’t sure how to answer; he had so much he wanted to say, but felt like he couldn’t while the PD was focused on them.
“I’m sorry,” was all he was able to get out, doing his best to keep the causal front.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.” Yunho smiled tenderly at the lead singer.
At his words, Jaejoong felt that tightness totally give way and he relaxed. Why was he so good to him?
It was their turn to approach the ticket window and they stepped up, awkwardly using hand gestures and broken French they’d been taught to get five tickets. Jaejoong felt the warmth coming back and taking over the uncertainty that had reared its ugly head the night before. He felt safe next to him. This was how things should be; this felt right.
The rest of the day fell into a comfortable symbiosis. They were all tired, but they were happy about being in the European city, happy to be together and feeling like they could conquer the world. The five young men wandered the Parisian streets until it was dark, finally calling it a day and heading to another restaurant to try what everyone had been going on about-snails.
Yunho sat across from Jaejoong in the booth; he reached underneath the table and laid a hand on Jaejoong’s knee, smiling comfortably as the others chattered excitedly around them. Jaejoong covered his hand with his own and squeezed his fingers. They grinned knowingly at each other.
“Oh my god, will you two cut it out?” Changmin grumbled dryly at Jaejoong’s side, never taking his eyes off the menu, acting like he could read it when Jaejoong knew he couldn’t.
“We’re not doing anything,” Yunho protested, squeezing Jaejoong’s leg again despite his words.
“I can sense the happiness coming off you two in waves and it’s totally gross.” He put down the menu and gave the leader a stern look.
Jaejoong squeezed Changmin’s cheek. “I know you love it.”
The youngest jerked his face away, but Jaejoong caught the hint of a smile.
“Whatever,” Changmin muttered and turned his attention towards his phone.
After dinner they went back into the night-the air was crisp and refreshing. In the distance they could see the Eiffel Tower glistening, and this time Jaejoong was filled with wonder at the sight. It truly was a beautiful monument. He was sorry he’d let bitterness taint his appreciation of it before.
Finally it was time to head back to the hotel and Jaejoong felt a strange hotness radiating over his body the whole way; it was like he had a fever, felt like his face was emitting heat-his cheeks were warm to the touch and he felt a little light headed. But it wasn’t like any sickness he’d experienced before; if this was an illness it was the sweetest affliction he’d ever had.
He was acutely aware of Yunho’s eyes constantly falling on him and he couldn’t help but feel a giddy kind of excitement. He would not push Yunho away tonight, they only had a few days left in Paris and he planned to take full advantage of their time.
They said goodnight to Tae-suk hyung and the rest of the crew, then followed the others up to their two rooms. In the hall, Junsu stopped before they could go separate ways.
“Hyung,” he addressed Jaejoong. “Do you two want to hang out in our room a little bit before going to bed? I can show you that video I was telling you about today.”
Jaejoong caught Yunho’s eye briefly, then looked back to the younger member.
“Another time. I’m exhausted-I think I’m just going to hit the hay.”
Yoochun unlocked the door to the room across the hall.
“Yeah, Junsu-he’s exhausted. Let him go to sleep.” He couldn’t quite keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but Junsu didn’t seem to notice.
“What about you?” he asked the leader.
Changmin and Yoochun went on inside, raising their hands in a sign of “goodnight,” not bothering to hear their hyung’s response, already knowing what it would be.
“Jaejoong’s got the right idea. We should probably try to get some sleep. Tomorrow’s another full day.”
The golden-haired lead singer had already turned to open their door and was listening to Yunho try to sound responsible. He had to grin.
“Goodnight!” he called to Junsu and tugged on Yunho’s sleeve.
The taller man had barely crossed the threshold before Jaejoong launched at him, butting him up against the wooden door and pressing his lips roughly to his own. Yunho laughed against his mouth and pushed him back slightly.
“Whoa, what’s the rush?”
Jaejoong looked at him hungrily. He’d wasted too much time already-he wanted to feel his bare skin against his own, he wanted to feel his hands running over his body, wanted his lips on his neck, tasting his sweat.
“I’m making up for lost time,” he breathed and ground his leg between Yunho’s, rubbing hard against his groin.
Yunho sucked in a breath of pleasure, but grabbed Jaejoong’s hands away when he moved to unbuckle his belt. Jaejoong met his eye.
“What, do you not want to?”
“I definitely want to,” he assured. “But I also want to know you’re ok. You seemed so broken up last night.”
Jaejoong sighed and closed his eyes. He took a step back. Yoochun had told him to be honest with Yunho, but why did it seem so hard to open up to him sometimes? This was why he’d taken so long to admit his feelings, why it had taken a terrible trauma to tell him he loved him; he was always afraid. But he didn’t want to be afraid anymore.
He opened his eyes; Yunho was waiting for him patiently. Jaejoong reached a hand out and clasped at the front of his jacket, pulling him close and kissing him softly.
“I promise I’ll do my best to tell you what’s going on…but right now I just really need you.” He furrowed his brows, trying to make his lover understand.
“Please.”
They stood in silence momentarily then Yunho took Jaejoong’s face in both his hands, searching his eyes. He brushed his golden hair back from his forehead. Jaejoong swallowed and felt his heart pound in his chest. Their lips met again.
They moved back towards the bed where Yunho had slept as they kissed. Jaejoong ran his hands up his back, clutching at his jacket, pressing their bodies together. He couldn’t get enough of this sensation, the feeling of Yunho’s arms around him, the feel of his breath mingling with his own as if they were two extensions of the same body.
Yunho started tugged at Jaejoong’s blazer and he quickly shrugged it off, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it on the floor. Yunho peeled his own jacket off, following the blonde’s lead, and then Jaejoong lifted the front of his tee, loved the way it ruffled his hair as it went over his head. Then his lips were on Yunho’s neck, traveling down to his collarbone and kissing his way across his broad chest. He returned his hands to Yunho’s belt and quickly pulled the band off his jeans, also throwing it on the floor. He pushed the larger man back on the bed and he laughed in surprise.
Jaejoong kept his eyes locked on Yunho as he grabbed one of his legs, pulling off his boot and letting it fall. He did the same to the other, and then moved to pull off his pants the way he’d done the day before.
“Lift up your hips,” he commanded.
The honey-skinned man bit his lip in arousal and followed orders, rising up so Jaejoong could pull the jeans slowly off him from the ankles. He could see Yunho’s erection clearly through his fitted shorts and he felt himself grow harder.
He tossed Yunho’s pants aside and quickly kicked off his own shoes, stepping out of his jeans and crawling on top of him. He straddled his middle and grabbed his wrists, pinning Yunho’s arms over his head. Their faces were inches away, but Jaejoong wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of joining their lips. He rubbed his own hardness against Yunho and the larger man moaned. Chills went through his body at the sound.
Jaejoong nuzzled against his neck, running his mouth up along his jawline and nipping gently at his ear with his teeth. He released one of his wrists and ran his hand down to Yunho’s hardness, slipping his fingers inside the band of his shorts and wrapping them around his cock. He stroked him slowly.
“I want you to fuck me,” he purred.
Yunho sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed Jaejoong’s chin roughly with his free hand. Their eyes met, dark with mutual lust.
“Say it again.”
“I want you…to fuck me.”
Yunho flipped him over quickly, claiming dominance in one swift movement and pinning him below. He kissed him roughly, taking his mouth, rubbing his pouting lips raw. Jaejoong let out a soft moan.
“God, you’re so sexy,” Yunho murmured between kisses.
He licked at the side of his mouth and his chin then made sloppy wet smacks down his neck. Jaejoong arched his head back, giving him better access; he closed his eyes, breathing heavily.
“Yunho-“
He sat up and pulled Jaejoong’s fitted briefs off his body, freeing his erect member. Yunho took it in his hand, pumping up and down a couple times; Jaejoong raised his hips in response. The lanky man suddenly jumped off the bed and searched frantically through his bag. Jaejoong rose up on his elbows, watching him.
“What are you looking for?”
Yunho apparently found what he wanted; he pulled a small bottle out from his luggage, holding it up-lube. He grinned bashfully.
“I went out and bought some for the trip. I thought we might need it.”
Jaejoong laughed. “I brought some too.”
“You did?”
He nodded towards his bag near the other bed. “It’s in my suitcase. I guess great minds think alike.”
They both laughed, but then Yunho turned his attention back to the task at hand. He leaned down and kissed Jaejoong’s stomach, his chest, his neck, finally leading back up to his lips. Jaejoong pulled at Yunho’s underwear and he slipped them off absent-mindedly.
“Roll over,” he whispered against Jaejoong’s lips and he gladly obliged.
His hard arousal pressed into the soft sheets beneath him, his heart pounding so hard he felt it might burst out of his chest. Yunho ran his hand down Jaejoong’s spine then grabbed his hip. He repositioned himself, sitting up on the bed and urged Jaejoong up onto his knees so that he could have better access.
Jaejoong felt his face blush at the position; he let out a ragged breath, holding himself up with his arms then heard Yunho pop the lid on the little bottle. He pressed a finger up against his entrance-Jaejoong gasped as it slipped inside.
Yunho slid his finger slowly in and out and Jaejoong squeezed his eyes closed. Yunho slid another finger inside, moving them around, making a scissoring motion, stretching the entrance. And then his fingers pressed up against that sensitive spot inside and Jaejoong moaned loudly-it was like electricity radiated through him, making him even harder. He moved his hips backwards, overwhelmed by sensation, no longer embarrassed by the revealing position.
“Oh god yes, Yunho-right there.”
Yunho continued moving his fingers in and out, pressing against the spot over and over.
“Do you like that?” his voice was low, husky.
Jaejoong bit his lip. He couldn’t answer, only moaned louder in approval. At that, Yunho pulled his fingers out and grabbed at his hips, gripping his flesh.
“Don’t stop,” Jaejoong panted.
“I’m going to cum just watching you.”
Jaejoong felt Yunho position his cock at his waiting entrance and then push forward. He cried out, gripping at the sheets below-he felt so big, there was a burning sensation as he entered him. He heard Yunho moan and he pressed his face down into the sheets trying to keep from crying out.
Yunho stopped moving.
“Are you ok?”
Jaejoong nodded against the bed.
“Just keep going.”
Yunho thrust gently all the way inside and then pulled slightly out, starting slow. He sucked in a breath.
“Jaejoong, you feel so good. I can’t-” he gasped and started to move faster, gripping at Jaejoong’s hips tightly.
The pain was slowly over taken by pleasure. Jaejoong breathed heavily, reaching down between his legs to stroke himself. This was what he’d been wanting. Since they’d done it that first time he hadn’t been able to get it out of his mind-the feel of Yunho inside him, his body around him, thrusting in and out-it had changed him. He’d never imagined himself wanting something like this, enjoying it so much, but if it was Yunho… If it was Yunho…
Yunho shifted again, angling down into Jaejoong and he felt that same fiery pleasure shoot through him. He cried out and moved back into Yunho’s thrusts.
“Right there. Don’t stop, Yunho-yah. Don’t stop.”
He could feel his pleasure rising, knew his release was close. Yunho moved even faster, pounding into him, his own breathing turning into loud moans.
“Yunho. Yunho,” he whimpered in time with his thrusts, and then he was falling into a black hole of pleasure, gripping spasmodically at the sheets as he shot out his hot load, his head reeling and body bucking from the intensity of the pleasure.
Yunho continued his thrusts, his body starting to shake, his hands holding even tighter to his hips.
“Jaejoong-ah,” he cried and then Jaejoong felt his liquid warmth filling him.
Yunho gave one final thrust and then collapsed against his back, kissing the back of Jaejoong’s neck, licking at his sweat and wrapping his arms tightly around him. They fell sideways onto the bed and Jaejoong closed his eyes, catching his breath, reveling in the feel of Yunho’s hot sweating body surrounding him-a part of him still inside, the sticky secretions starting to drip down between their legs.
“If it just gets better each time, we need to start doing this more often.” Jaejoong put his hands over Yunho’s, wrapping his arms tighter around him.
“Yunho?” Jaejoong turned his head, trying to see what had him so silent.
“I just…need a minute,” he murmured.
Jaejoong could feel his chest rise and fall as he worked to catch his breath; he rested his head against the back of Jaejoong’s shoulder. Jaejoong closed his eyes, content just to lay in silence, feeling Yunho so close.
Finally the other man moved, pulling out of Jaejoong and rolling onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. Jaejoong shifted gingerly, lying on his side, facing his lover. He draped one arm across his chest, letting his hand rest on the ample rise of his pec muscle and leaned forward, kissing his shoulder tenderly.
“I never knew it could be like this.” Yunho kept his eyes on the ceiling, still in something like a daze. He finally turned his head to the side to meet Jaejoong’s gaze.
“I never knew it would be so intense or feel so good.”
Jaejoong smiled. “I think it depends on who it’s with.”
Yunho smiled in return.
“We definitely need to do this more often.” He reached out, pulling Jaejoong into his arms and held him close to his chest.
Jaejoong clung to him tightly. He could hear Yunho’s heart beating and he felt totally at peace.
“Last night,” he began, speaking against Yunho’s neck, feeling like he could finally say what had been on his mind. “I just got…scared. I suddenly felt too happy. Like things were too good… In my experience good things never last that long.”
Yunho remained silent, giving him the chance to speak. He ran a hand gently up and down his back.
“I know one day you’ll probably get married-I know its expected of us both. I probably will too, who knows?”
He tightened his grip around Yunho, feeling like he might crush him, but he didn’t seem fazed by the force, only continued stroking his back.
“I know we won’t be together forever, that we can’t. But…I love you. More than I thought possible. I want you all to myself-I can’t help it.”
Yunho brought his hands to either side of his face and moved him so that he was looking up, meeting his gaze. His lover’s eyes were full of emotion, dark brown pools over flowing with tenderness.
“Listen to me, Jaejoong-are you listening?”
He nodded, still in Yunho’s gentle grasp. His right thumb ran across his cheek gently.
“You already have me. You have all of me. So don’t ever doubt things again.” He moved one hand down to Jaejoong’s neck, massaging gently.
“I shouldn’t have said what I did last night about getting married, I only meant that’s what I once thought. But then…I met you. And now you’re all that I see. All I want.”
Jaejoong beamed. It felt like his heart might burst.
“The future is a long ways away, and who knows what it really holds. Ok?”
“Ok,” the golden-haired man agreed softly. Yunho kissed him softly on the lips as if punctuating what he’d just said.
“Let’s get some sleep.” He reached down to pull the sheets up over them.
“Don’t you want to clean up?” Jaejoong asked.
“No. I want to say just like this.” He leaned over Jaejoong and flipped the light off then settled back against the shorter man, pulling him close in a tight embrace.
“I love you, Jaejoong-ah.”
He sighed in contentment. “Me too. I love you.”
He was finally able to sleep-as usual rested soundly when he was in Yunho’s arms, using his warmth like a security blanket. That night he dreamt of starlight and the ocean and warm hands against his back.
In the morning he woke early; the morning light was just barely starting to shine in through the large windows. Yunho lay with his arms above his head, his head cocked to the side and his mouth hanging open, snoring gently.
Jaejoong bit his lip to keep from laughing-he looked just like a little kid. He flipped onto his stomach, watching him as he slept. He grinned mischievously and stretched out a hand, pinching his nose closed. Yunho snorted and Jaejoong pulled his hand away. The sleeping man smacked his lips together a few times, then turned his head the other way, never waking.
Jaejoong didn’t give up. He walked two fingers up Yunho’s ribcage and tickled gently under his arm. Yunho giggled sleepily and rolled away from him.
“Jaejoong-ah…” he mumbled, still chuckling, half asleep.
Jaejoong wrapped his arms around his middle and nuzzled his neck, purposely tickling him with his nose and lips.
Yunho jerked and laughed louder, pulling away, then rolling back around and pinning Jaejoong under him, fully awake now.
“You are in so much trouble,” he said, eyes twinkling, then immediately started to tickle Jaejoong’s ribs with both hands.
He laughed hysterically, trying to cover his sensitive spots and ward Yunho off, to no avail.
“I give up! I give up! I’m sorry!” He yelled, his laughter echoing through the room.
Yunho finally stopped his attack, grinning down at the lead singer as he recovered himself.
“Never tickle a man when he’s sleeping. There will be hell to pay.”
“I learned my lesson.” Jaejoong smiled, hugging his arms to his chest like a shield.
Yunho grabbed one of his hands, intertwining their fingers and forcing Jaejoong to open his arms so he could draw in close. He kissed him softly, leisurely-Jaejoong didn’t want it to stop. He thought this might be what heaven felt like.
Just then, there was a loud knock on the door and their manager’s voice rang through the room.
“Time to wake up! Meet in 205 in thirty for hair and makeup.”
They parted in disappointment. Yunho gave a loud sigh.
“I guess we should get up and shower, huh?”
Jaejoong rose slowly from the bed, stretching his arms over his head, thoroughly enjoying the feel of his spine elongating. Yunho watched him, appreciating the sight of his nude body. He chuckled.
“What? Didn’t you just say we have to get up?”
Yunho squeezed his eyes shut in child-like frustration.
“Ahh, I don’t want to though!” He rolled over and placed a pillow over his head, burrowing into the soft down.
Jaejoong smacked his sheet-clad bottom and walked towards the bathroom.
“Come on-you’re Dong Bang Shin Ki’s leader right?”
Yunho let out a muffled whine from under the pillows. Jaejoong smirked.
“Since we don’t have much time, we should probably save water and just shower together.”
Yunho sat up suddenly and got out of bed.
“Well since you’re talking about conserving water…”
Jaejoong laughed loudly and slipped into the bathroom, Yunho hot on his heels. They were able to save water, but they didn’t save much time, taking another opportunity to touch and please each other under the spray of hot water.
Jaejoong felt alive-he felt on fire. It was a similar rush as the one he got on stage when a performance was going particularly well. He felt like he’d been searching for this kind of fulfillment his whole life and he’d finally found it in the secure warmth of this man’s arms, like the heat of his love was life-giving energy.
They were late getting to hair and makeup, but they were both in such infectious good humor that no one seemed upset about it. It was a beautiful morning-the whole of Paris seemed to be alive and as happy as Jaejoong felt. His insecurity and unhappiness from the day before felt silly and distant now. Yunho’s nighttime words-“You have all of me,”-had replaced all his doubt and fear of the future.
All that mattered was that they were together; they were a part of the super group DBSK, surrounded by their brothers in arms-their friends-and they were wildly in love.
It felt, at that moment, that nothing would ever change.
*****
December 2012 - Seoul
Jaejoong laid his head on the lip of the table that jutted out from the control panel as the final notes of his EP played out for what felt like the hundredth time that night. He’d lost track of how many times he’d repeated it over, but the clock said it was almost 6am, so he knew he’d been listening for hours.
He had sat up all night, lost once again in the memories of the past. He didn’t know why he let himself wallow-it had been years since it all ended, even longer since they’d been happy. Jaejoong had a couple dalliances since then, half-hearted breakups. But still, nothing stung like the loss of his first love, like the pain of DBSK’s era coming to an end.
He thought he’d finally shaken off the past, shed it like a reptile sheds its skin, but here he was, alone in the studio, his chest tight with the pain of loss, his eyes puffy and irritated from lack of sleep and hot tears that had escaped despite his best efforts.
Should have gone to dinner with Yoochun and Junsu, he thought listlessly.
He stood from the control panel and moved over to the recording studio’s couch, flipping the lights off as he went. He stretched out on his stomach, reveling in the cool leather and the feel of relief as he rested his back and shoulders for the first time in hours.
His body and mind needed sleep, it was the same song and dance, but there was something different nagging at the back of his mind, some change from the other times he’d reminisced. The feeling of missing Yunho was so acute after thinking back on the sweet days they’d shared in Paris, after remembering the intensity of their lovemaking-he had to do something about it.
He wanted to see Yunho; he thought that might be the only thing that could bring him back to reality, the only cure to his illness. If he just saw him again, met him in person, he would remember what it was that had driven them apart, how in the end all the sweetness and happiness had been wrung out of them like dirty water from an old wash rag.
He rolled over on the couch, shifting so that he was facing the back of it, blocking out the faint glowing lights from the control panel. If only there was a way to get in touch with his past lover. He knew Yoochun and Junsu had both tried after the split, but he’d changed his phone number, and there was no way they could go through any of the SM staff. Eventually they’d given up hope.
But Jaejoong thought it had partially been that they didn't really want to reach him. He’d always been taught that where there’s a will, there’s a way, and he was suddenly eaten up with the desire to reconnect.
Just one last meeting, one last conversation-that should be enough. It had to be.
Jaejoong drifted off to sleep with plans forming in his mind, ways he might be able to see the man who’d broken his heart one last time…
To Be Continued...