Because Tomorrow Comes - Chapter 5
Title: Because Tomorrow Comes - Chapter 5
Author: Marakeshsparrow
Rating: Mature (not all chapters, but overall)
Pairing: YunJae
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Warning: This is a work of fiction. I own nothing and do not claim to have any knowledge to real life events. This is how reality played out in my brain, but again it is FICTION.
Summary: Kim Jaejoong and Jung Yunho struggle to move on from the past. After the break-up of the super group TVXQ, they are haunted by memories, regrets, and loss. But there is no escaping the future and no way to return to the days of old. Will they be able to come to terms with their present and learn how to move forward without each other?
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
A/N: Chapter 6 will be up tomorrow! And finally there will be some actual "mature" material. he he he //rubs hands together evilly//
Korean terms:
Hyung = older brother, a term used for older male friends, not only blood relations
Noona = older sister, also used for older female friends
Dongsaeng = younger sibling, also used for younger friends (male or female)
Sunbae = senior
Jajangmyeon = Korean Chinese cuisine, noodle dish covered in black bean sauce
Aigoo = A word used to show frustration. The Korean equivalent of "aw man!" or "geez."
Chapter 5
July 2011, Seoul
They were preparing to release a new single in Japan-Superstar-and would be touring for the rest of the summer as a part of A Nation, their first time at the summer festival since before the break up. Despite that fact, they were rehearsing for their Japanese promotions while still in Korea; S.M. wanted TVXQ to make a few appearances in their home country before handing them back to Avex.
Both Yunho and Changmin had been on a talk show early in the day; they’d smiled and chatted, talking about their last album and their upcoming tour, something that would take place after their Japanese release. That was followed immediately by a recording of Keep Your Head Down on KBS Music Bank. Then it was back to the S.M. building to rehearse their Japanese routine with their back up dancers. There were a few new people in the crew, dancers who hailed from Tokyo who’d been forced to work with them in Korea because of their tight schedule.
He noticed that one of the new guys, Shoji-san, had been paying him a lot of attention recently. It made him slightly uncomfortable, the way he looked at him sometimes. Like he could see right through him, could see that he liked men (despite his attempts to “grow out of it” like he had been told would happen).
Shoji-san was handsome; he wore his hair long and shaggy, his skin was fair and he had a kind of a rebellious air about him. He would pal around with the other dancers but never get too close, the language barrier may have been a part of it but he seemed like a loner. Despite this fact, he often watched Yunho-he would feel his eyes following him wherever he went. What was his deal? Was it possible he liked him?
As they finished their rehearsal for the day and he packed up his stuff, he again noticed the dancer noticing him. He wished he would stop but he didn’t know how to best handle the situation. Instead he chose to ignore it.
“It looks like you’ve got a new admirer,” Changmin suddenly appeared next to his locker, startling his hyung.
Yunho pulled his bag out and closed the metal door. “What are you talking about?”
Changmin smirked. “Shoji-san. I think maybe he’s in love.”
Yunho fought a blush rising up his neck. He gave a forced laugh. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Everyone’s starting to notice how he’s always watching you. You might want to say something to him.”
“Why should I? He can do what he wants.” He turned away from his dry dongsaeng so he wouldn’t see how uncomfortable he suddenly felt.
Changmin raised his eyes at his hyung in suspicion. “You’re not thinking of encouraging him are you?”
“What? No!” He pulled a hoodie over his head, suddenly wanting to break away from the conversation.
“If you want my advice, you should stay away from him. Hyung said you need to do all you can to distance yourself from the rumors.”
Yunho sniffed. “I don’t want your advice, but I was going to stay away already so you don’t need to worry.”
Changmin nodded and patted the older member affectionately on the shoulder. “Ok, ok-I get it.” He smirked. “I’m heading out. I’m meeting up with Byung-chul-ssi to do some writing. Are you going home?”
“Yeah, I think so. I’ll see you later.”
They parted ways. Yunho pulled out his phone to check his messages; Donghae and another friend, Minseok wanted to go out. It was Jang Dongun sunbae’s birthday and there was going to be a big get together at a club in Itaewon called Full Moon. Did he really want to go though? He was tired and his bed was calling to him. Maybe he would tell Donghae just to go on with out him.
His thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his arm. Yunho turned-it was Shoji-san. He felt his stomach clench up.
“You were amazing today,” he said in Japanese. “I know it was just a rehearsal but I was seriously impressed. I guess that’s why you’re the star.”
Yunho gave a little bow, feeling awkward. “Thanks. You were good too.”
“Please, what I do is nothing in comparison.”
The back-up dancer’s hand was still resting on his arm. He stared down at it, a bit put off by his presumption and then the other man moved it, as if sensing he was crossing a boundary.
He gave a cool smile, recovering. “I’ve been thinking-the new dancers should take you and Changmin-san out sometime soon.”
“That would be great.” Yunho picked up his bag, suddenly more than ready to head out. He walked towards the exit of the practice studio. Shoji-san moved with him.
“I could even take you out for a drink myself. It would just be a low-key thank you for bringing me onto the team.”
“Well I really didn’t have anything to do with that,” Yunho assured. He moved to go through the door, when his “admirer," as Changmin put it, stepped in front of him, blocking his way out.
“Still-would you have a drink with me?”
Yunho looked at the dancer, at his messy dark hair and slight stubble against pale skin. His eyes were dark and twinkling. He realized in that moment this man definitely liked him. He was handsome, a good dancer, and he seemed nice enough. But still Yunho wasn’t interested. He had done all he could not to be swayed by male admirers (and surprisingly he’d had quite a few). He had wanted to move past that part of his life-he wouldn’t backtrack, not this time.
He gave him a friendly and very platonic pat on the shoulder.
“We should wait until everyone can go.”
With that he bowed a second time, smiled and made a quick departure. He met up with his manager in the parking garage, where their black van-the usual mode of transportation-waited.
He climbed in and leaned back in his seat, putting his headphones in even though it was a short ride to their apartment. He gave a weary sigh; he would have to watch out for that one. He didn’t want to get caught up in any weird rumors. Changmin had said peole were noticing. It didn’t bode well.
The management had been very clear when they told him he needed to distance himself from his former reputation and the rumors that clung to him regarding Jaejoong and his sexuality. This was the only way for him to get away from the past and come into his own. He knew it was time and that it was for the best, but sometimes sticking to the straight and narrow was more difficult than he could have expected. Just a couple weeks earlier he’d slipped up and his manager had to have a serious talk with him.
“Someone saw you at that gay club, Club After.”
Yunho felt a shock go through him at that. He tried playing it cool.
“That’s impossible.”
“Don’t start getting sloppy-someone’s always watching. You should know that better than anyone.”
Yunho was frustrated and sweating in his wardrobe. It was already sweltering and they were scheduled to do a mini-outdoor performance of their Korean singles Keep Your Head Down and Maximum. This news made rivulets run down the side of his neck. At this rate he would have sweat stains on his shirt before they even got started.
“There’s some talk of it online, but there aren’t any pictures,” his hyung continued.
“Then there’s no proof!” he exclaimed, trying to find an out from the conversation.“Most people won’t believe it. Rumors always loose steam after awhile.”
“You can’t pass everything off as rumor though. Eventually it all adds up and people don’t know what to believe.”
Yunho was silent.
“You can’t go there anymore,” his manager persisted.
“Ok, fine! I was just meeting a friend anyway-aish!”
His manager grabbed him by the shoulders and looked directly into his eyes, his brow set in seriousness.
“If you really want to end things, you have to stop this kind of behavior. Stay away from anything that might make others suspect something.”
Yunho hung his head; he nodded his silent agreement. His manager gave him an encouraging slap on the back and did a “fighting” gesture with his fist.
“Do you want me to set you up with my sister? She’s really interested,” he offered.
Yunho laughed. “Isn’t your sister getting married in the fall?”
“Yeah, but she’d call it off for you.”
Yunho sighed, coming back to himself as the van did a quick stop at a red light. It was almost funny the way things played out. Now his management was so cautious, so protective of his reputation and image. There had been too many rumors, too many near scandals, but really they were hugely responsible for the way things played out. Now they wanted him to appear straight at all costs, but a few years before they had asked him to play gay.
He had to wonder sometimes-if it hadn’t been for all the couple stuff, all the fan service, would things have progressed as far as they had between him and Jaejoong?
Maybe that was just wishful thinking.
He and Jaejoong had been like two unmanned planes careening wildly towards each other, set for collision. He could try to blame others, but he knew it was no one’s fault but his own…
*****
January 2005, Seoul
“Yunho, Jaejoong-Director Nam wants to speak with you.”
Taesuk hyung came into the practice room where they were currently taking a breather.
“Ooooo-someone’s in trouble…”Junsu teased.
The others laughed. The two in question looked at each other, bewildered.
“No one’s in trouble,” their manager assured. He signaled for them to hurry and told the others to keep practicing.
“What’s this about?” Jaejoong asked as they made their way up to the executive floor.
“It looks like they have plans for you two.”
Plans? Yunho glanced at Jaejoong. What does that mean?
“Maybe they want us to branch off as a duo.” Jaejoong smirked and nudged Yunho with his elbow.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” their hyung snarked under his breath.
They got off at the 6th floor and were led to an office. Inside was their main style coordinator and Director Nam chatting and laughing about some inside story. When they noticed the two young men they both looked up and smiled.
“Come in! Come in!” Director Nam waved for them to take a seat.
They sat, a bit uncomfortable, on the leather couch opposite the two members of the management team. So-won noona, their spunky coordinator and the handsome Director Nam, a young yet brilliant man who had been assigned to handle Dong Bang Shin Ki, grinned at the two young idols. Yunho waited expectantly; this seemed a little odd.
“So!” Director Nam began. “We’ve been looking at public responses and fan cafés recently and there’s something that keeps coming up over and over.”
He turned to their head coordinator and chuckled. She looked down trying to hide a smirk. Yunho was at a serious loss; what could possibly have them so amused?
“What is it?” Jaejoong spoke up first, sounding equally perplexed and anxious for them to get to the point.
“It’s you. Well, the two of you. It seems like there are a lot of fans of Yunho and Jaejoong.”
Yunho grinned. “That’s awesome!”
He hadn’t spent much time online looking at their fan sites or comments left about them, though now he wanted to go check them out. He felt a rush of pride wash over him-they were the most popular members, huh?
“So we want to give them what they want. We want to officially start promoting you two as a couple.”
Yunho’s pride suddenly faltered.
“What?” Jaejoong sputtered.
“It’s kind of how we asked Yunho and Yoochun to play up the aegyo with each other during Drive promotions. The fans eat the couple stuff up. And it looks like they want U-Know and Youngwoong, not U-Know and Micky.”
The leader looked over at his fellow team member but Jaejoong was looking straight at Director Nam. It seemed like he was in some kind of shock. What did he think of this?
He broke his attention away from the other boy. “So you want us to play around on stage the way I did with Yoochun?”
“Well more that that. The fans want to imagine that the two of you are a real couple.”
Both he and So-won noona started laughing again. “So you should be more affectionate-really make their imaginations go wild.”
Now Jaejoong had turned to him, locked his dark eyes on his, but his expression was unreadable. Was he worried? Grossed out? But could he really be that grossed out when in reality they had kissed-twice?
“We know it may be kind of uncomfortable pretending like this,” their noona finally spoke up. “But you just need to exaggerate the way you already are with each other. Everyone can tell you two are close; that’s why the fans picked up on this pairing.”
They could all tell? Was it really so obvious how close they were? They had been best friends for nearly four years though, he supposed it was hard to hide that kind of connection. Still-fans were talking about them like that?
“Well?” Director Nam looked from one to the other expectantly.
Yunho swallowed hard. “I’m in if Jaejoong is.”
They all turned to the lead singer who was often described as a beauty these days. The raven-haired idol shifted uncomfortably in his seat, captivating them all with just the slightest movement. There was something…special about Jaejoong. Yunho had seen it right from the beginning, that sparkling quality few others possessed. His charm had only grown stronger as the years went on and he’d developed into a man.
“What exactly do we have to do?”
Director Nam grinned. Was that a yes?
“Hug each other. Compliment each other. Play house-pretend you’re a real couple for the camera.”
“But,” Jaejoong spoke up. “Won’t people think we’re gay?”
Gay. The word hit Yunho like cold water. Did he really want people thinking he was gay when sometimes he wondered… when… He felt his pulse quicken in anxiety.
“It’s all about the illusion of it. The fans will eat it up. We’ve done it with lots of groups before. It’s a publicity stunt.”
“Don’t worry,” their noona clucked her tongue like an auntie might chastise her nephews. “They won’t actually believe it’s real. It’s a fantasy we’re selling.”
She stood and walked between them, squeezing each of their shoulders. “Besides, you two have been like brothers from the get-go. This shouldn’t be that hard for you.”
There was silence in the office. Jaejoong sighed.
“Ok. It’s fine by me.”
Yunho watched his friend-he didn’t seem to be jumping up and down about it, though he supposed it would be strange if that were the case. He just wished he could tell what he was thinking. But there were times when Jaejoong was a mystery even to him.
“It’s fine by me too.” He sealed the deal.
Director Nam and their coordinator both gave satisfied grins. Yunho looked over to his manager who’d been silent this whole time. His arms were crossed and there was a slight sour expression on his face. He supposed he wasn’t as excited by the idea.
They were dismissed after agreeing that their couple activities as Yunjae (the nickname the fans had apparently already given them) would start immediately. They were assured this would be a positive strategy for the group as a whole. Yunho put his trust in what they said-surely they knew best.
The next thing he knew they were back on the elevator returning to their practice room. They had another live performance on one of the big network concerts that were always held at the end of December through January and they needed to make sure things were just right, that they were totally in sync and on their marks. But now there was this Yunjae situation to think about. Yunho was silent, lost in thought. Had they made the right decision?
“I don’t like it,” Taesuk said suddenly as the elevator doors closed.
Yunho snapped from his daze, turning to their hyung. “Why not?”
The manager let out a weary sigh, looking up at the ceiling grate.
“I just don’t understand why they always have to pull this couple stuff. They should just let boys be boys. Do the fans really need the encouragement? They’ll come up with weird ideas no matter what you do.”
“So should we have said ‘no’?” Jaejoong argued. “It’s not like they gave us much of a choice.”
“No, once the top people decide there’s a chance to sell more albums, there’s no backing out. It just seems unfair to me. I’m sorry they’re making you do this.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”Yunho felt like he had to defend the concept. If it was what the fans wanted, why shouldn’t they give it to them? And was it really so strange and awful? He glanced at Jaejoong, his long dark hair and pale skin-it definitely wouldn’t be that hard to pretend.
The elevator stopped on the floor where they had their practice room. Their manager gestured for them to go on without him.
“Check in on the others and finish up your rehearsal. I’ll be back in an hour to bring you dinner.”
They nodded and walked back to the dance studio where they’d been working before being summoned in front the boss. Yunho kept glancing in Jaejoong’s direction but the dark-haired beauty was silent and expressionless. The fact that he couldn’t read him was driving him crazy! What did he really think of this couple stuff?
He was about to open his mouth to flat out ask him when Changmin suddenly popped his head out of the practice room. His eyes went wide in surprise.
“Oh! You’re back!” He ducked inside- “They’re back!”
Jaejoong followed Changmin without a second glance. Yunho shook his head. It was almost like he was purposely avoiding him.
“So what did the powers that be want from you guys?” Yoochun asked.
Junsu nodded eagerly. “Yeah, we’ve all been speculating. Changmin thought it was about the show tomorrow, but I think it has to do with Jaejoong hyung’s mistake on the MKMF red carpet. Did they scold you?”
“Why would they call both of them away if it was about Jaejoong hyung’s mistake? That doesn’t make sense-you never think things through before you speak, do you?” The two youngest members argued.
“Well, Yunho’s our leader-wouldn’t they want to talk to him?”
“Oh my god,” Yoochun groaned in English. “Since you guys left it’s been non-stop bickering with these two. It’s driving me crazy!”
He turned to the two offenders in exasperation. “They’re back now, you don’t have to guess anymore!”
The three younger members looked to their hyungs expectantly. Yunho sighed. What was he supposed to say to them?
“They want us to be a couple,” Jaejoong blurted, taking the burden off the leader’s shoulders by being so blunt.
The others were silent-shocked apparently. And then almost in unison, they all started to crack up, laughing hysterically. Yunho felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him.
“A couple? That’s what it was about?” Junsu’s voice had gotten even higher; he was so tickled.
“Like boyfriends?” Changmin snickered.
“Well that shouldn’t be too difficult for you two,” Yoochun quipped, a mischievous smirk across his face.
“Cut it out,” Yunho spoke up, still embarrassed though he couldn’t totally keep the amusement out of his voice. He supposed it was pretty funny.
“Why do they want to make you a couple all of a sudden?” Junsu asked.
“Does this mean we’re over?” Yoochun batted his eyes flirtatiously.
“It’s just a stupid publicity stunt,” Jaejoong grumbled. He was the only one who didn’t seem so amused. Yunho wondered if he regretted agreeing to it.
So why did he find it kind of exciting?
“Let’s finish up. Hyung will be back with dinner in a little bit.” Yunho resumed his leadership duties, encouraging work. Food was the only promise needed-the 3 younger members fell into their positions.
Jaejoong was unmoving though. Yunho gave his shoulder a squeeze and smiled, trying to encourage some sort of positive response. He thought he saw his “other half’s” lips curve up in the ghost of a smirk.
“Ah, see? They’re already at it,” Yoochun joked. Jaejoong’s feint smile faded. Yunho removed his hand. They got back to work.
After an hour Yunho’s phone rang-it was their manager right on schedule.
“I brought jajangmyun and spicy pork. Come on down stairs when you’re ready and we’ll eat.” He hung up, always efficient with his words, never saying more than was necessary.
“Dinner’s here,” he announced to his members and the three youngest didn’t waste a second, making a B-line right for the door. Yunho glanced at Jaejoong; he was taking his time, wiping the sweat from his face and hanging behind.
“Jaejoong hyung, are you coming?” Yoochun turned back, then gave a devilish grin. “Or do you want some time alone with your boyfriend?”
“Are these jokes going to keep coming, or are you just getting it out of your system?” The eldest member snapped at his dongsaeng.
“It’s out of my system.” Yoochun nodded his cheeky apology, backtracking after realizing Jaejoong was annoyed. He slipped into the hall.
Jaejoong shook his head and moved to follow but Yunho stopped him, grabbing him gently by the elbow.
“Jaejoong-ah, are you sure you’re ok with this…couple thing? Isn’t it too weird?”
There was a moment of silence and then Jaejoong flashed an angelic smile, finally breaking the cold front he had been putting up.
“Why would it be weird? Like they said, we’ve always been like brothers, right?”
Brothers. Yes. Brothers who kissed each other. Yunho forced an uncomfortable laugh.
“Right,” he agreed.
Jaejoong tilted his head to the side. “Unless you think it’s too weird?”
He looked at his friend, at the sweaty strands of black hair framing his handsome face, his wide eyes gazing back at him-his pulse quickened. He realized they were standing fairly close to one another and he swallowed. He was so far from thinking it was strange it was almost upsetting.
“It’s not weird at all,” he said frankly, feeling his voice soften without meaning to. Why was he reacting to him like this? Why was it always different with Jaejoong?
Yunho cleared his throat. “You are my best friend after all.”
Jaejoong’s smile grew even wider. He let out a little laugh then looked down shyly.
“You’re just saying that.”
He was as pretty as any girl Yunho had ever seen.
“No I really mean it. You know you’re my best friend.” Despite himself, he reached out to grab Jaejoong’s hand but ended up grazing his fingers by accident, a strangely more intimate act.
Time suddenly seemed to slow down. Jaejoong looked at Yunho with dark almond eyes, drawing him in like a lynx. He felt his stomach flutter anxiously. Jaejoong wet his lips. What was this? What was this electric feeling between them? Had it always been like this?
And then suddenly it broke. Jaejoong gave Yunho a friendly clap on the shoulder.
“Aigoo. See-they’re right, this won’t be hard at all.”
Yunho laughed, still a bit disoriented from the moment between them. Had Jaejoong felt that heat the way he had? Or was it just him? He shook his head, trying to toss away the feeling and decided to keep in line with the lead singer’s friendly manner. He hooked one arm around Jaejoong’s neck like they were kids and led them into the hall to catch up with the others.
“Kim Jaejoong!” he called playfully. “You’re going to be my boyfriend from now on, huh?”
He laughed and looked away again, slightly flustered. “It sounds weird coming from you like that.”
“Well you are, aren’t you? We’re a couple now.” He continued to tease, feeling more lighthearted now that he could joke about it.
“I’m going to be your executioner if you don’t shut up about it!”
Jaejoong turned and mimed choking his bully. Yunho laughed, delighted by the rise he was getting out of his friend. They tousled around as they made their way downstairs to dinner, laughing and yelling happily. A few staff members gave them odd looks as they passed by them but they didn’t care. They were too involved with their games, as if they were the only two people in the halls-the only two people in the world.
*****
July 2011, Seoul
Yunho wandered into the apartment he shared with Changmin and let out a sigh of relief at the quiet, air-conditioned room. It was so hot outside and he was feeling tired and frustrated suddenly.
He dropped his bag on the floor and walked straight into the kitchen for a bottle of water, chugging it down like he’d been dying of thirst. A bead of sweat trickled down his chest-his face rarely sweated, but his body was a different story. On a balmy day, or after an intense rehearsal he could sweat clean through his shirt. It was good though, it felt like releasing all the toxicity, all the painful memories dying inside him.
He drained the bottle and tossed it straight into the recycle bin. He was hungry but was too tired to eat and he didn’t feel like showering yet, so he went straight to the couch and collapsed, throwing his arms above his head to stretch his back and shoulders. Why did he feel so tired? It was like his body had been in a car accident, all his muscles hurt.
Why was it every time he thought about the past he got drained, weary and morose?
He laughed bitterly in the silent room; it had good acoustics. He yelled. That felt good. He yelled louder, letting it all out, roaring at the ceiling, reveling in being alone for a few minutes. He stopped but his ears echoed with the sound of his own voice. He smiled-now he could close his eyes, now his chest didn’t feel so tight. He told himself just to think of the present, of a long day’s work done, of the next day when they would be back to rehearsing for their fast approaching tour with A Nation. None of the rest mattered-back up dancers and ex boyfriends, they could all go to hell!
As he drifted off to sleep, he had less control of his thoughts though. Yunho felt like he was falling, his stomach dropping out of his body like he was riding a rollercoaster. He gave a strained moan, trying to wake from the sensation, but suddenly was caught in mid-air by familiar, strong arms, slowing his descent and holding him close.
“I’m here,” his voice was barely more than a whisper, but Yunho felt it all the way through to his bones.
“Jaejoong-ah,” he said aloud to the silent apartment. Lost in a dream that would fade like dust when he woke.
To Be Continued...