(fan fiction) Round the World and Back
Round the World and Back
HSJ, YamadaxNakajima
romance, drama
pg
AN: the author's note be too long, therefore separate post here. :) [if you comment on this post, i'll write you a drabble!, see details there. :)]
for the sweetest girl in my books, wooden_buttons . :) i don't think the sun would shine without you. :)
1.
Yamada's childish dreams of being a soccer star end when he is yelled at by the coach.
At this point, his ears stop functioning and all he could see is the bulging veins at his neck and the spittle that comes from his yelling mouth. He can't make out the words, much too numb from the shock. He doesn't even feel the hands that grab his shoulders, shaking him back and forth. He hadn't followed directions, he just had to be the star, he just had to cost them the game.
It was all his fault.
He stays behind in the field until all of his team mates go home, disappointed by the loss. He stands by the benches staring forlornly at nothing, gathering enough courage to go home and face his family. It takes him a while to strengthen his will but he does eventually. He doesn't know quite what to expect.
When he finally does reach home, there is consolation cake and warm smiles ready for him and he feels like the luckiest loser in Japan.
The next day, his mother decides to take him to the Kinki Kids concert instead of one of his sisters (to take his mind off things - she explains to their family) and oddly enough, he goes along with his mother without any complaints (to humor her - he says in defense of himself, to thank her for understanding - he implies).
He feels out of place amongst the excited crowd of people, as though he had been the only one who wasn't moving. The lights dim and the stage lights shoot lasers and scary high pitched screams come and all he can do is stare. Four spotlights run across the stage until they focus on two people.
Yamada turns to look and suddenly, he feels his heart pump faster. His eyes widen in awe and he continues watching, awestruck through the entirety of the show. The concert blurs by, his attention caught and he is left swooning along with the audience.
A wave of disappointment passes through him as the final encore is performed and the lights are turned on but he feels the excitement lingering in his skin. It doesn't fade even as he's tucked in bed.
He sees stars in his eyes and dreams about the sensation of being in the moment, the exhilaration from performing for people.
He wants it - wants it for himself with all the childish maturity he could muster.
When he wakes the next morning, he is no longer heartbroken over the other day's loss. He has set his sights on a brighter goal.
He is going to be a star.
2.
Yamada walks into the building before the scheduled time and heads to the juniors' rehearsal hall. He had been looking forward to some solo practice and the early dismissal from school because of some school activity came with perfect timing.
He enters the room and sets down his bag. He rummages through it and looks for his music player and speakers. He pulls them out and he searches the huge room for an electric plug. When he finds one, he walks over and sets everything up. He backs away from his music player and something catches his eye.
The blackboard that the choreographer uses to explain difficult dance routines is filled with different writings, mostly words, some drawings. It was all crude and so he takes a few steps forward to look at it.
His eyes widen when he realizes that they were about Nakajima Yuuto, one of the bigger juniors around. He frowns as he reads the things written about him,
"He thinks he's so big,"
"He's so stuck up!"
"He's so fake. He's just pretending to be nice,"
and Yamada's chest tightens with anger. He has met Nakajima and has talked with him a few times and he doesn't understand how anyone so fun could be so misrepresented. Nakajima has been nothing but nice and friendly to everyone!
He tears through the room in search of an eraser and when he doesn't find any, he takes his discarded school uniform and wipes the blackboard furiously. He stops only when he is finished and panting out of the effort he has exerted.
"Thanks," he hears a soft voice behind him speak up and he whips around only to see the boy he was trying to protect from the harsh comments he's erased. He shrugs in reply, his face flushing red - awkward because he didn't know how else to reply.
Nakajima walks up and stands beside him, facing the blackboard and Yamada turns around again to look at the same thing, "you didn't have to you know. I'm used to it." He says blankly and Yamada's eyes widen, head snapping towards Nakajima's direction.
"W-what?" Yamada stutters unbecomingly, "but everyone's so nice to you!"
Nakajima's smile turns grim, "they're my friends, but sometimes, they can take jokes a bit too far."
Yamada shakes his head, "that's called bullying." And his fists clench involuntarily.
"It's okay!" Nakajima protests, "I'm used to it," his smile turns soft, "but thank you anyway."
Yamada feels the anger seep out of his system quickly. He decides then and there that he would from here on, protect this very precious person.
3.
He has stayed in Johnny's Entertainment long enough to know that it's not all glitz and glamour. It's hard work and training and being in the spotlight for five minutes until someone remembers your name. Whatever it is, he knows that Johnny's Entertainment and everyone associated with it is a hundred and ten percent crazy.
He thinks it is fun being lost in the blur of things. Everything is so crazy and fast paced that he never has any time to be bored and he thinks he enjoys this feeling thoroughly. Things happen and he was taken along for the ride and feels that this is okay.
But one day, he is joined by a righteous little boy by the name of Yamada Ryosuke and suddenly, what was fun before seemed dull compared to the fun he was having with someone to share it with. Things seemed to be less fast paced, less blurred as he laughed with the little boy who made his days that much brighter.
He doesn't realize anything important, just that without Yamada Ryosuke, Nakajima Yuuto's life wouldn't be as fun - wouldn't be as exciting. He doesn't think he'd be okay with that.
Life without his best friend wouldn't be something he'd want to think about ever.
4.
Nakajima blinks in surprise when something wet hits his eye. It is followed by another drop on his palm and suddenly, it becomes a little stronger. He glances around and sees people scurrying to find some shelter and he laughs.
The rain is fun, he wants to tell everyone, but he just watches them run into different directions. He shrugs his shoulders and continues walking over to where the chimpanzees are until he notices a smaller figure trailing after him.
"Yama-chan?" He says incredulously, "I thought you went to get an umbrella."
Yamada rolls his eyes, looking miserable and sporting a scowl on his face. He had his hair stuck to his face and his arms wrapped around his body to conserve heat, "idiot. As if I'd let you walk around in the rain alone."
Nakajima laughs heartily and throws himself in Yamada's direction, he immediately clings to Yamada's smaller frame, "you're so funny Yama-chan!" He cries out and shakes the other boy's body until Yamada joins in the laughing as well.
"So, what do you want to see next?" Nakajima asks Yamada who sticks firmly to his side as the rain got stronger.
Yamada pauses to seriously consider the question, "I want to see the lions!"
Nakajima nods and without any words, they begin to run and run.
They are both tired when they reach the lion's cage. Yamada has lost his breath and is clinging onto the railings, breathing deeply. Nakajima bounces back quicker and stares at Yamada. Yamada notices this and looks up with a frown on his face.
"What?"
Nakajima shakes his head, "the lions are hiding from the rain too."
Yamada looks at the cage and sees that Nakajima is right, "that's too bad..."
"Ne, Yama-chan," Nakajima calls out, his voice drowned out by the sound of the rain. Yamada looks at him expectantly, "you're my best friend."
Yamada smiles back, "idiot." Nakajima's smile drops slightly, "you're my best friend too."
5.
Growing up, Yamada has never been one to need anything. Growing up with three girls (his mother, his elder sister and his younger sister) has made him the strong one to run to in the family. He and his father have always silently supported the women in the house.
Even now that he has joined Johnny's Entertainment he feels that even though he tries to play games and poke fun at things, people still depend on him. He doesn't mind, he thinks it is fun that people can rely on his strength fairly.
He wants to be strong for other people, he realizes. And even though sometimes, he can act spoiled, he knows that he can support all the people he needed to.
But one day, he discovers a weakness called insects through Nakajima Yuuto, his supposed best friend, who shows him the biggest bug he has seen ever. He is paralyzed and he doesn't hear anything that Nakajima is telling him about the insect. He doesn't want to know, he wants to yell out, but he can not move, can't find his voice.
Nakajima pauses in his speech and looks at Yamada's frozen face he leans in and stares hard into his eyes before placing the insect back into the jar and puts it aside. He wraps Yamada into his arms and holds tightly as sobs pass through Yamada's lips and tears run down his eyes.
"Stupid," Nakajima mutters into his ear, "if you were afraid of bugs, you could have told me..."
Yamada tries to push him away, hastily wiping his eyes at the same time, "I-I'm not scared..."
Nakajima shushes at him and holds on even tighter, "I'll protect you from the buggies."
Yamada decides not to fight against the strong and comforting hold of Nakajima anymore.
After, he would not be able to count how many times he'd have to run back to Nakajima's warm embrace and be comforted. He needs to be strong, he knows, but through Nakajima, he also knows that he doesn't need to be strong all of the time.
6.
Nakajima wakes up that morning with dreams of Yamada and he feels that the rest of the day would be perfect.
Actually, Nakajima wakes up every morning with dreams of Yamada and those dreams would be predictive of how the day would turn out. If the dream was good, then the day would be essentially good, but if the dream were bad then he'd be in a panicked state that even if the day were to turn out good, he'd somehow bungle it up.
Nakajima loves these dreams of Yamada because he feels that he's close even in his sleep.
It's not until he realizes that having constant dreams of your best friend isn't normal that he figures something is up and he is unsure as to what to do.
He tries to consult books, and when he doesn't come up with the answer he turns to the internet which springs up more information than he can digest. He picks through websites and websites until he drops into a forum. He thinks about it before posting up a question and he gets about twenty answers in the next five minutes which surprises him. As he reads each reply, he is struck by the simplicity of one answer.
"Maybe you've fallen in love and your subconscious is just trying to tell you?"
He ponders this and takes it in.
He can't be in love with his best friend can he?
7.
Yamada is reading on the couch with Chinen's head on his lap when Nakajima taps his shoulder, "hey? Can we talk?" Nakajima signals so as not to wake Chinen up. Yamada raises his eyebrow and glances down at Chinen and Nakajima scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment at his stupidity. He signals that they should go out after practice and Yamada nods before going back to read his script.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Yamada asks casually as they start on their meal. He insisted that Nakajima pay for his meal because he was the one who called him out. He was glad he still got his way with his friend.
Nakajima looks down for a moment before opening his mouth and ramming it with all the ramen he could fit, "I hvglerd." He says in a rush and Yamada's brows furrow.
"What?" Yamada says slowly, trying very hard to decipher the message, "you... you have a girl...friend?"
Nakajima nods, his face flushing red and he shyly meets Yamada's eyes.
"S-since when?" Yamada tries to calm himself down, feeling angry that he can't.
Nakajima shrugs his shoulders, "just a few days ago. Some girl from school confessed and I couldn't say no. She's pretty cute though."
Yamada nods his head and tries to squelch the unpleasant feeling at the back of his throat, "why are you telling me then?"
Nakajima pouts, "you're my best friend Yama-chan. Didn't we promise to tell each other these things?"
Yamada looks at Nakajima's sad face and he melts, "I know. So, do I get to meet her?" As the words escape his mouth, his heart clenches and he feels he hair escape from his lungs but he pretends to smile through the pain.
"Do you want to?" Nakajima becomes thoughtful and a wide smile takes over his face, "let's make a date then!"
Yamada feels heat when he hears these words but clears his throat, "with her, right?"
Nakajima nods happily and Yamada feels his heart constrict once more as he returns the smile.
"But!" Nakajima yells out all of a sudden, "you gotta keep it a secret all right? A secret! Promise?"
Yamada laughs, "of course I will."
He didn't want to let anyone know anyway.
He goes home and he wonders why his heart feels as though it's about to be ripped apart, or squeezed dry. He figures he may have eaten too much.
8.
Yamada wears towel over his head as glares at himself in the mirror, still panting from the rigorous dancing. He has been practicing this routine for an hour alone already, but he still did not, could not perfect it. It irritates him even further because it had not been hard, just some minor adjustments to make way for all the other back dancers that were to come in, but he just couldn't do it.
He growls, if only he didn't have to meet that girl, he reasons out. Because all he keeps seeing is soft brushes over fingers and soft smiles with hidden meanings and soft eyes glancing shyly at each other and it irritates him.
It doesn't mean anything at all - he explains to himself. He could be jealous that Nakajima had a girl friend, even a secret one. Girls were oddly scared of him, he reminds. But then he seems Nakajima's secret gestures, things that were reserved only for him, and he seethes because they used to be reserved only for him and now he had to share them with someone else.
It's not right to be selfish, he tries to convince himself, because you don't own your best friend.
And he glares at the mirror even harder.
He tries to remember just how cold he was to Nakajima, because talking had been hard - he did not know why.
He hates everything at that moment. Hates that he can't focus on his work, like it doesn't mean as much, when it's all he's ever wanted. Hates that all he can think about is Nakajima's hand touching hers lightly, especially when he's the one who's supposed to be holding them.
He takes the towel off his head and furiously rubs his wet hair.
Things will make sense tomorrow, he thinks. It definitely will.
9.
Yamada calls Nakajima and finds out that he has been diverted to voice mail. He leaves one, albeit cryptic, because he is feeling a bit hurt and neglected and he didn't know how else to say it. He sounds much too like a girl for his comfort but things were a bit confusing in and out of the company and he just needed someone to stay with him.
He curls up in his bed, willing Nakajima to call him, even just to say hi.
He is surprised when his mother tells him he has a guest waiting for him downstairs, even more surprised to see that it is Nakajima and he smiles his biggest and brightest smile until he sees the handprint on Nakajima's cheek.
Nakajima is sheepish when he is asked about it, telling him that he had been out with his girl friend when he announced that he would be cutting their date short. The girl, infuriated simply slapped him and left, he explained and Nakajima didn't even understand what he did wrong.
Yamada wants to laugh at Nakajima's clueless ness but instead makes an ice pack for Nakajima's cheek. They both go up to his room and Yamada persuades Nakajima to sleep over and they catch up on each other's lives.
When Nakajima takes a bathroom break, Yamada feels warmth tingle up and down his spine as he repeats to himself that Nakajima chose to come over here and spend time with him, that even with other people, he is still top priority. And Yamada loves that feeling.
10.
When Nakajima finds out he is in love with his best friend, he freaks out and does the first thing he thinks of doing - like looking for that girl who confessed to him the other day and answering her feelings, no matter how wrong it seemed.
She is honestly and purely in infatuation with him and he feels bad for taking advantage of this knowledge. He takes her affection and puts up with it the best that he can. This way, he can pretend that it's Yamada he's walking with and treating out, that it's Yamada he's spending time with.
He can't deny their similarities. Their round faces with chubby cheeks and smooth skin he'd like to touch. Their honest gazes and even more honest laughter, tiny teeth showing through pink, pink lips. Their slightly brash and unthinking but entirely charming natures. Nakajima can easily juxtapose her for him.
But every single time he's pulled out from the fantasy he's built for himself, every time he's reminded that this wasn't the person he loved, he felt bad.
11.
Yamada grows tired of pining over Nakajima.
He's Yamada Ryosuke! He's not supposed to be pining - or that's what he tells himself to get himself to work.
He takes on impossible tasks, trying his best and hardest simply to justify his coming to the spotlight. He trains just that much more in singing and dancing to become better. He tries to become just that bit more charming, so he could show himself off just a little bit. He works that much more in promotions, in acting so that he can say he's achieved just that bit more than the others.
He gives it his all so that he could take his mind off things, so that when he looks over, he doesn't have to notice that there's no one beside him anymore.
But when he goes home at night and there's nothing else to do anymore but lie in bed with the lights out, instead of falling asleep, his mind replays little scenes from when they were still together. His heart pulling at strings and making him feel empty despite the fullness of his schedule.
12.
"I can't believe you told on me," Nakajima whispers to Yamada as he passes by in the hallway. Yamada freezes but his face remains still and Nakajima passes him by without any more actions. Yamada wonders if he imagined it all.
He doesn't.
Nakajima doesn't know how to hide most things that he is feeling and so Yamada notices his quiet anger towards him, making the air tense around them.
Yamada frowns and has to remind himself that this was entirely his fault and not anyone else's. He has to remind himself that it was an accident, an accident caused by hurt feelings and confusion. He didn't even realize the words spilling out of his mouth, or the tears streaming down his eyes as he did so. But still, it didn't make it less his fault.
Betrayal of your loved ones hurt you as well, he can finally say for sure now. And he can only blame himself, if only - if only he were more careful.
13.
Yamada enters the room early in the morning and expects Nakajima's happy eyes and bright smile waiting for him but the room is empty and cold and he reminds himself that from now on, no one would be waiting for him anymore and he feels his heart sink at the thought.
Being with Nakajima had been part of his routine for so long and he doesn't remember a time when the other boy hadn't been with him. He doesn't remember when it started, just that, they've always been Yamada and Nakajima - the pair.
He tries to greet everyone who enters the room to compensate for the loss but it doesn't feel the same.
He turns to their other group mates because they are fun to be with and there aren't any complications from being with them. But he misses the easy closeness that he shared only with Nakajima and thus being with the others made him feel even lonelier. They can't make the pain go away.
Still, he tries hard to forget what they had, tries as hard as he physically can and he hopes that one day, Nakajima's imprints on his heart would go away, but right now, he has to work hard to erase them.
14.
When the tension lessens between them and they start acting more civilized towards each other; they slip back into old patterns, things they did before they fell out of their friendship, easily without even realizing it.
Nakajima still hasn't forgiven Yamada for betraying his trust but the anger itself has subsided enough for him to want to be friends again - just not quite as close as before. He gives small smiles in Yamada's direction, quietly encouraging where it is needed and every once in a while, forgetting himself enough to drape a lazy arm around Yamada's shoulders.
All these things make Yamada's heart flutter in his chest, his cheeks flushing with heat. He misses Nakajima's kindness and the feeling of happiness he himself experiences by being on the receiving end of it.
Yamada still feels awkward about everything and he can't quite bear to apologize just yet - the guilt still gnawing at him for him to step forward and say something about it but he manages to stay by Nakajima's side. He goes back to sharing food and making food for the other boy to try. He goes back to asking little favors like help with homework. He goes back to leaning against the other boy when and where he needed the help.
Nakajima admits that being important to Yamada, being needed by Yamada, makes him feel relevant and not completely useless. He feels the need to be more mature, the need to protect and love come back to him - the weight of his emotions choking him slightly. He wants to hold on to Yamada tightly and never, ever let go. And just this once, he wants to ask, no - beg, for him to never break his heart again.
Slowly, they feel the pieces missing from their lives fall back into place and they are reminded of just how much they've actually missed.
Nakajima hates that he can't quite let go because he's so in love, but he's prepared to keep it in quietly and move on from time to time (if only to come back again). He has already accepted that some things aren't meant to be and he's ready to simply be there for Yamada.
And as Yamada spends more and more time being reminded of how happy he is with Nakajima, something in his brain clicks and he feels a little bit stupid and foolish for having taken so long to realize it, that he is completely in love with Nakajima.
15.
Yamada has known for some time that he is, in fact, head over heels in love with his best friend. At first, the rush of emotions had been alarming at best but the feelings that came when he thought Nakajima was lost to him forever felt worse than anything he could have expected. So damn consequences to hell because he'd rather have him now while he still had a chance.
He calmly passes Nakajima a note in class, who becomes confused and passes it on to Chinen who doesn't know what to do with it so in turn, he passes it on to the next person until the teacher catches them and reads the note aloud in front of the class.
Yamada turns red at the teacher telling him off and Nakajima smiling apologetically at him. The entire class laughs it off and the teacher grumbles about the troubles of having to handle Johnny's boys.
Later, Nakajima passes Yamada a note telling him that he accepts the invitation and that it's a date. He signs it with an obnoxious heart and Yamada would have smiled fondly if he weren't so embarrassed (or nervous).
They do go out to eat after rehearsals and a meeting.
It is late but Yamada insisted on not going home yet, not wanting to let the opportunity pass by. He drags Nakajima who indulges him too willingly (and Yamada is reminded once again of just how much he loves Nakajima).
They end up going to a familiar place and Yamada feels a little nostalgic when Nakajima turns to him and mutters, "a little deja vu, huh?" Yamada smiles and nods in reply.
He waits until they finish eating before he talks (and considering how hungry they both were, it wasn't that long at all). He clears his throat and Nakajima looks at him expectantly over the bowl of soup in front of him.
"I'm sorry," he blurts out and he bows as deep as he could. He looks up when he feels a warm hand on his shoulder.
"All you had to do was to say so," Nakajima says with a kind smile and Yamada feels tears rush to his eyes. All the guilt pours out and he cries and cries and cries. Nakajima keeps his hand on Yamada's shoulder.
The sobs calm down and become hiccoughs; Yamada chokes out the words, "I love you, Yuuto." Nakajima doesn't withdraw his hand and Yamada repeats the words again and again until he induces another crying fit and all throughout it, Nakajima doesn't lose their physical contact.
When Yamada has finally stopped crying totally, he rubs his tired eyes and looks up at Nakajima who had similar tear tracks on his face. Nakajima coughs out a small laugh, "all you had to do was to say so," he repeats.
They both begin to laugh until their stomachs ache and they hold hands under the table until the manager tells them to go home.
16.
Yamada sits by the river and watches the sun cast its final rays over the lazy scenery. He watches as the light fades, dims with every second that passes by. The sky changes colors before his eyes, turning from warm red, orange and pink to predominantly cold purple and dark blue. He feels the temperature drop and he starts to shiver as the night wind passes by. Without the sun's warmth, all winds are chilly to him.
He feels a crushing loneliness just by watching the sun set, he thinks, because it's always sad when the sun goes away.
Suddenly, something warm hits his shoulders and something cold presses against his cheek, snapping him out of his reverie. He jumps slightly from shock only to see Nakajima laughing at him. He pouts but is grateful for the warm jacket and the cold drink (although he would have liked to have a warm one too).
"Sunsets are so pretty," Nakajima mutters as he sits down beside Yamada then he opens his own drink and takes a huge swig from it before shuffling closer to Yamada. They sit shoulder to shoulder and Yamada feels warmer from their touching bodies.
Yamada turns his head to look at Nakajima who is smiling peacefully and contently and he is inclined to agree.
He figures that with someone as bright as Nakajima around, the sun doesn't need to shine all of the time. (It wouldn't be a fair competition for the sun anyway.)
(Nakajima pokes Yamada's cheek, "hey, what are you thinking about?"
"You," Yamada says without thinking and he flushes when he realizes just what he said, "I mean... uhm... you." He hangs his head in shame.
Nakajima rolls his eyes and laughs, "you're such a romantist."
Yamada splutters, unable to find anything to retort, instead he makes a move to push Nakajima away but Nakajima tugs his sleeve to pull him close. Nakajima places a cupped hand near Yamada's ear and leans in.
"I love you too," he whispers and Yamada's entire face becomes red. Nakajima gives him a small kiss on the cheek before he goes back to sitting side by side.)
HSJ, YamadaxNakajima
romance, drama
pg
AN: the author's note be too long, therefore separate post here. :) [if you comment on this post, i'll write you a drabble!, see details there. :)]
for the sweetest girl in my books, wooden_buttons . :) i don't think the sun would shine without you. :)
1.
Yamada's childish dreams of being a soccer star end when he is yelled at by the coach.
At this point, his ears stop functioning and all he could see is the bulging veins at his neck and the spittle that comes from his yelling mouth. He can't make out the words, much too numb from the shock. He doesn't even feel the hands that grab his shoulders, shaking him back and forth. He hadn't followed directions, he just had to be the star, he just had to cost them the game.
It was all his fault.
He stays behind in the field until all of his team mates go home, disappointed by the loss. He stands by the benches staring forlornly at nothing, gathering enough courage to go home and face his family. It takes him a while to strengthen his will but he does eventually. He doesn't know quite what to expect.
When he finally does reach home, there is consolation cake and warm smiles ready for him and he feels like the luckiest loser in Japan.
The next day, his mother decides to take him to the Kinki Kids concert instead of one of his sisters (to take his mind off things - she explains to their family) and oddly enough, he goes along with his mother without any complaints (to humor her - he says in defense of himself, to thank her for understanding - he implies).
He feels out of place amongst the excited crowd of people, as though he had been the only one who wasn't moving. The lights dim and the stage lights shoot lasers and scary high pitched screams come and all he can do is stare. Four spotlights run across the stage until they focus on two people.
Yamada turns to look and suddenly, he feels his heart pump faster. His eyes widen in awe and he continues watching, awestruck through the entirety of the show. The concert blurs by, his attention caught and he is left swooning along with the audience.
A wave of disappointment passes through him as the final encore is performed and the lights are turned on but he feels the excitement lingering in his skin. It doesn't fade even as he's tucked in bed.
He sees stars in his eyes and dreams about the sensation of being in the moment, the exhilaration from performing for people.
He wants it - wants it for himself with all the childish maturity he could muster.
When he wakes the next morning, he is no longer heartbroken over the other day's loss. He has set his sights on a brighter goal.
He is going to be a star.
2.
Yamada walks into the building before the scheduled time and heads to the juniors' rehearsal hall. He had been looking forward to some solo practice and the early dismissal from school because of some school activity came with perfect timing.
He enters the room and sets down his bag. He rummages through it and looks for his music player and speakers. He pulls them out and he searches the huge room for an electric plug. When he finds one, he walks over and sets everything up. He backs away from his music player and something catches his eye.
The blackboard that the choreographer uses to explain difficult dance routines is filled with different writings, mostly words, some drawings. It was all crude and so he takes a few steps forward to look at it.
His eyes widen when he realizes that they were about Nakajima Yuuto, one of the bigger juniors around. He frowns as he reads the things written about him,
"He thinks he's so big,"
"He's so stuck up!"
"He's so fake. He's just pretending to be nice,"
and Yamada's chest tightens with anger. He has met Nakajima and has talked with him a few times and he doesn't understand how anyone so fun could be so misrepresented. Nakajima has been nothing but nice and friendly to everyone!
He tears through the room in search of an eraser and when he doesn't find any, he takes his discarded school uniform and wipes the blackboard furiously. He stops only when he is finished and panting out of the effort he has exerted.
"Thanks," he hears a soft voice behind him speak up and he whips around only to see the boy he was trying to protect from the harsh comments he's erased. He shrugs in reply, his face flushing red - awkward because he didn't know how else to reply.
Nakajima walks up and stands beside him, facing the blackboard and Yamada turns around again to look at the same thing, "you didn't have to you know. I'm used to it." He says blankly and Yamada's eyes widen, head snapping towards Nakajima's direction.
"W-what?" Yamada stutters unbecomingly, "but everyone's so nice to you!"
Nakajima's smile turns grim, "they're my friends, but sometimes, they can take jokes a bit too far."
Yamada shakes his head, "that's called bullying." And his fists clench involuntarily.
"It's okay!" Nakajima protests, "I'm used to it," his smile turns soft, "but thank you anyway."
Yamada feels the anger seep out of his system quickly. He decides then and there that he would from here on, protect this very precious person.
3.
He has stayed in Johnny's Entertainment long enough to know that it's not all glitz and glamour. It's hard work and training and being in the spotlight for five minutes until someone remembers your name. Whatever it is, he knows that Johnny's Entertainment and everyone associated with it is a hundred and ten percent crazy.
He thinks it is fun being lost in the blur of things. Everything is so crazy and fast paced that he never has any time to be bored and he thinks he enjoys this feeling thoroughly. Things happen and he was taken along for the ride and feels that this is okay.
But one day, he is joined by a righteous little boy by the name of Yamada Ryosuke and suddenly, what was fun before seemed dull compared to the fun he was having with someone to share it with. Things seemed to be less fast paced, less blurred as he laughed with the little boy who made his days that much brighter.
He doesn't realize anything important, just that without Yamada Ryosuke, Nakajima Yuuto's life wouldn't be as fun - wouldn't be as exciting. He doesn't think he'd be okay with that.
Life without his best friend wouldn't be something he'd want to think about ever.
4.
Nakajima blinks in surprise when something wet hits his eye. It is followed by another drop on his palm and suddenly, it becomes a little stronger. He glances around and sees people scurrying to find some shelter and he laughs.
The rain is fun, he wants to tell everyone, but he just watches them run into different directions. He shrugs his shoulders and continues walking over to where the chimpanzees are until he notices a smaller figure trailing after him.
"Yama-chan?" He says incredulously, "I thought you went to get an umbrella."
Yamada rolls his eyes, looking miserable and sporting a scowl on his face. He had his hair stuck to his face and his arms wrapped around his body to conserve heat, "idiot. As if I'd let you walk around in the rain alone."
Nakajima laughs heartily and throws himself in Yamada's direction, he immediately clings to Yamada's smaller frame, "you're so funny Yama-chan!" He cries out and shakes the other boy's body until Yamada joins in the laughing as well.
"So, what do you want to see next?" Nakajima asks Yamada who sticks firmly to his side as the rain got stronger.
Yamada pauses to seriously consider the question, "I want to see the lions!"
Nakajima nods and without any words, they begin to run and run.
They are both tired when they reach the lion's cage. Yamada has lost his breath and is clinging onto the railings, breathing deeply. Nakajima bounces back quicker and stares at Yamada. Yamada notices this and looks up with a frown on his face.
"What?"
Nakajima shakes his head, "the lions are hiding from the rain too."
Yamada looks at the cage and sees that Nakajima is right, "that's too bad..."
"Ne, Yama-chan," Nakajima calls out, his voice drowned out by the sound of the rain. Yamada looks at him expectantly, "you're my best friend."
Yamada smiles back, "idiot." Nakajima's smile drops slightly, "you're my best friend too."
5.
Growing up, Yamada has never been one to need anything. Growing up with three girls (his mother, his elder sister and his younger sister) has made him the strong one to run to in the family. He and his father have always silently supported the women in the house.
Even now that he has joined Johnny's Entertainment he feels that even though he tries to play games and poke fun at things, people still depend on him. He doesn't mind, he thinks it is fun that people can rely on his strength fairly.
He wants to be strong for other people, he realizes. And even though sometimes, he can act spoiled, he knows that he can support all the people he needed to.
But one day, he discovers a weakness called insects through Nakajima Yuuto, his supposed best friend, who shows him the biggest bug he has seen ever. He is paralyzed and he doesn't hear anything that Nakajima is telling him about the insect. He doesn't want to know, he wants to yell out, but he can not move, can't find his voice.
Nakajima pauses in his speech and looks at Yamada's frozen face he leans in and stares hard into his eyes before placing the insect back into the jar and puts it aside. He wraps Yamada into his arms and holds tightly as sobs pass through Yamada's lips and tears run down his eyes.
"Stupid," Nakajima mutters into his ear, "if you were afraid of bugs, you could have told me..."
Yamada tries to push him away, hastily wiping his eyes at the same time, "I-I'm not scared..."
Nakajima shushes at him and holds on even tighter, "I'll protect you from the buggies."
Yamada decides not to fight against the strong and comforting hold of Nakajima anymore.
After, he would not be able to count how many times he'd have to run back to Nakajima's warm embrace and be comforted. He needs to be strong, he knows, but through Nakajima, he also knows that he doesn't need to be strong all of the time.
6.
Nakajima wakes up that morning with dreams of Yamada and he feels that the rest of the day would be perfect.
Actually, Nakajima wakes up every morning with dreams of Yamada and those dreams would be predictive of how the day would turn out. If the dream was good, then the day would be essentially good, but if the dream were bad then he'd be in a panicked state that even if the day were to turn out good, he'd somehow bungle it up.
Nakajima loves these dreams of Yamada because he feels that he's close even in his sleep.
It's not until he realizes that having constant dreams of your best friend isn't normal that he figures something is up and he is unsure as to what to do.
He tries to consult books, and when he doesn't come up with the answer he turns to the internet which springs up more information than he can digest. He picks through websites and websites until he drops into a forum. He thinks about it before posting up a question and he gets about twenty answers in the next five minutes which surprises him. As he reads each reply, he is struck by the simplicity of one answer.
"Maybe you've fallen in love and your subconscious is just trying to tell you?"
He ponders this and takes it in.
He can't be in love with his best friend can he?
7.
Yamada is reading on the couch with Chinen's head on his lap when Nakajima taps his shoulder, "hey? Can we talk?" Nakajima signals so as not to wake Chinen up. Yamada raises his eyebrow and glances down at Chinen and Nakajima scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment at his stupidity. He signals that they should go out after practice and Yamada nods before going back to read his script.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Yamada asks casually as they start on their meal. He insisted that Nakajima pay for his meal because he was the one who called him out. He was glad he still got his way with his friend.
Nakajima looks down for a moment before opening his mouth and ramming it with all the ramen he could fit, "I hvglerd." He says in a rush and Yamada's brows furrow.
"What?" Yamada says slowly, trying very hard to decipher the message, "you... you have a girl...friend?"
Nakajima nods, his face flushing red and he shyly meets Yamada's eyes.
"S-since when?" Yamada tries to calm himself down, feeling angry that he can't.
Nakajima shrugs his shoulders, "just a few days ago. Some girl from school confessed and I couldn't say no. She's pretty cute though."
Yamada nods his head and tries to squelch the unpleasant feeling at the back of his throat, "why are you telling me then?"
Nakajima pouts, "you're my best friend Yama-chan. Didn't we promise to tell each other these things?"
Yamada looks at Nakajima's sad face and he melts, "I know. So, do I get to meet her?" As the words escape his mouth, his heart clenches and he feels he hair escape from his lungs but he pretends to smile through the pain.
"Do you want to?" Nakajima becomes thoughtful and a wide smile takes over his face, "let's make a date then!"
Yamada feels heat when he hears these words but clears his throat, "with her, right?"
Nakajima nods happily and Yamada feels his heart constrict once more as he returns the smile.
"But!" Nakajima yells out all of a sudden, "you gotta keep it a secret all right? A secret! Promise?"
Yamada laughs, "of course I will."
He didn't want to let anyone know anyway.
He goes home and he wonders why his heart feels as though it's about to be ripped apart, or squeezed dry. He figures he may have eaten too much.
8.
Yamada wears towel over his head as glares at himself in the mirror, still panting from the rigorous dancing. He has been practicing this routine for an hour alone already, but he still did not, could not perfect it. It irritates him even further because it had not been hard, just some minor adjustments to make way for all the other back dancers that were to come in, but he just couldn't do it.
He growls, if only he didn't have to meet that girl, he reasons out. Because all he keeps seeing is soft brushes over fingers and soft smiles with hidden meanings and soft eyes glancing shyly at each other and it irritates him.
It doesn't mean anything at all - he explains to himself. He could be jealous that Nakajima had a girl friend, even a secret one. Girls were oddly scared of him, he reminds. But then he seems Nakajima's secret gestures, things that were reserved only for him, and he seethes because they used to be reserved only for him and now he had to share them with someone else.
It's not right to be selfish, he tries to convince himself, because you don't own your best friend.
And he glares at the mirror even harder.
He tries to remember just how cold he was to Nakajima, because talking had been hard - he did not know why.
He hates everything at that moment. Hates that he can't focus on his work, like it doesn't mean as much, when it's all he's ever wanted. Hates that all he can think about is Nakajima's hand touching hers lightly, especially when he's the one who's supposed to be holding them.
He takes the towel off his head and furiously rubs his wet hair.
Things will make sense tomorrow, he thinks. It definitely will.
9.
Yamada calls Nakajima and finds out that he has been diverted to voice mail. He leaves one, albeit cryptic, because he is feeling a bit hurt and neglected and he didn't know how else to say it. He sounds much too like a girl for his comfort but things were a bit confusing in and out of the company and he just needed someone to stay with him.
He curls up in his bed, willing Nakajima to call him, even just to say hi.
He is surprised when his mother tells him he has a guest waiting for him downstairs, even more surprised to see that it is Nakajima and he smiles his biggest and brightest smile until he sees the handprint on Nakajima's cheek.
Nakajima is sheepish when he is asked about it, telling him that he had been out with his girl friend when he announced that he would be cutting their date short. The girl, infuriated simply slapped him and left, he explained and Nakajima didn't even understand what he did wrong.
Yamada wants to laugh at Nakajima's clueless ness but instead makes an ice pack for Nakajima's cheek. They both go up to his room and Yamada persuades Nakajima to sleep over and they catch up on each other's lives.
When Nakajima takes a bathroom break, Yamada feels warmth tingle up and down his spine as he repeats to himself that Nakajima chose to come over here and spend time with him, that even with other people, he is still top priority. And Yamada loves that feeling.
10.
When Nakajima finds out he is in love with his best friend, he freaks out and does the first thing he thinks of doing - like looking for that girl who confessed to him the other day and answering her feelings, no matter how wrong it seemed.
She is honestly and purely in infatuation with him and he feels bad for taking advantage of this knowledge. He takes her affection and puts up with it the best that he can. This way, he can pretend that it's Yamada he's walking with and treating out, that it's Yamada he's spending time with.
He can't deny their similarities. Their round faces with chubby cheeks and smooth skin he'd like to touch. Their honest gazes and even more honest laughter, tiny teeth showing through pink, pink lips. Their slightly brash and unthinking but entirely charming natures. Nakajima can easily juxtapose her for him.
But every single time he's pulled out from the fantasy he's built for himself, every time he's reminded that this wasn't the person he loved, he felt bad.
11.
Yamada grows tired of pining over Nakajima.
He's Yamada Ryosuke! He's not supposed to be pining - or that's what he tells himself to get himself to work.
He takes on impossible tasks, trying his best and hardest simply to justify his coming to the spotlight. He trains just that much more in singing and dancing to become better. He tries to become just that bit more charming, so he could show himself off just a little bit. He works that much more in promotions, in acting so that he can say he's achieved just that bit more than the others.
He gives it his all so that he could take his mind off things, so that when he looks over, he doesn't have to notice that there's no one beside him anymore.
But when he goes home at night and there's nothing else to do anymore but lie in bed with the lights out, instead of falling asleep, his mind replays little scenes from when they were still together. His heart pulling at strings and making him feel empty despite the fullness of his schedule.
12.
"I can't believe you told on me," Nakajima whispers to Yamada as he passes by in the hallway. Yamada freezes but his face remains still and Nakajima passes him by without any more actions. Yamada wonders if he imagined it all.
He doesn't.
Nakajima doesn't know how to hide most things that he is feeling and so Yamada notices his quiet anger towards him, making the air tense around them.
Yamada frowns and has to remind himself that this was entirely his fault and not anyone else's. He has to remind himself that it was an accident, an accident caused by hurt feelings and confusion. He didn't even realize the words spilling out of his mouth, or the tears streaming down his eyes as he did so. But still, it didn't make it less his fault.
Betrayal of your loved ones hurt you as well, he can finally say for sure now. And he can only blame himself, if only - if only he were more careful.
13.
Yamada enters the room early in the morning and expects Nakajima's happy eyes and bright smile waiting for him but the room is empty and cold and he reminds himself that from now on, no one would be waiting for him anymore and he feels his heart sink at the thought.
Being with Nakajima had been part of his routine for so long and he doesn't remember a time when the other boy hadn't been with him. He doesn't remember when it started, just that, they've always been Yamada and Nakajima - the pair.
He tries to greet everyone who enters the room to compensate for the loss but it doesn't feel the same.
He turns to their other group mates because they are fun to be with and there aren't any complications from being with them. But he misses the easy closeness that he shared only with Nakajima and thus being with the others made him feel even lonelier. They can't make the pain go away.
Still, he tries hard to forget what they had, tries as hard as he physically can and he hopes that one day, Nakajima's imprints on his heart would go away, but right now, he has to work hard to erase them.
14.
When the tension lessens between them and they start acting more civilized towards each other; they slip back into old patterns, things they did before they fell out of their friendship, easily without even realizing it.
Nakajima still hasn't forgiven Yamada for betraying his trust but the anger itself has subsided enough for him to want to be friends again - just not quite as close as before. He gives small smiles in Yamada's direction, quietly encouraging where it is needed and every once in a while, forgetting himself enough to drape a lazy arm around Yamada's shoulders.
All these things make Yamada's heart flutter in his chest, his cheeks flushing with heat. He misses Nakajima's kindness and the feeling of happiness he himself experiences by being on the receiving end of it.
Yamada still feels awkward about everything and he can't quite bear to apologize just yet - the guilt still gnawing at him for him to step forward and say something about it but he manages to stay by Nakajima's side. He goes back to sharing food and making food for the other boy to try. He goes back to asking little favors like help with homework. He goes back to leaning against the other boy when and where he needed the help.
Nakajima admits that being important to Yamada, being needed by Yamada, makes him feel relevant and not completely useless. He feels the need to be more mature, the need to protect and love come back to him - the weight of his emotions choking him slightly. He wants to hold on to Yamada tightly and never, ever let go. And just this once, he wants to ask, no - beg, for him to never break his heart again.
Slowly, they feel the pieces missing from their lives fall back into place and they are reminded of just how much they've actually missed.
Nakajima hates that he can't quite let go because he's so in love, but he's prepared to keep it in quietly and move on from time to time (if only to come back again). He has already accepted that some things aren't meant to be and he's ready to simply be there for Yamada.
And as Yamada spends more and more time being reminded of how happy he is with Nakajima, something in his brain clicks and he feels a little bit stupid and foolish for having taken so long to realize it, that he is completely in love with Nakajima.
15.
Yamada has known for some time that he is, in fact, head over heels in love with his best friend. At first, the rush of emotions had been alarming at best but the feelings that came when he thought Nakajima was lost to him forever felt worse than anything he could have expected. So damn consequences to hell because he'd rather have him now while he still had a chance.
He calmly passes Nakajima a note in class, who becomes confused and passes it on to Chinen who doesn't know what to do with it so in turn, he passes it on to the next person until the teacher catches them and reads the note aloud in front of the class.
Yamada turns red at the teacher telling him off and Nakajima smiling apologetically at him. The entire class laughs it off and the teacher grumbles about the troubles of having to handle Johnny's boys.
Later, Nakajima passes Yamada a note telling him that he accepts the invitation and that it's a date. He signs it with an obnoxious heart and Yamada would have smiled fondly if he weren't so embarrassed (or nervous).
They do go out to eat after rehearsals and a meeting.
It is late but Yamada insisted on not going home yet, not wanting to let the opportunity pass by. He drags Nakajima who indulges him too willingly (and Yamada is reminded once again of just how much he loves Nakajima).
They end up going to a familiar place and Yamada feels a little nostalgic when Nakajima turns to him and mutters, "a little deja vu, huh?" Yamada smiles and nods in reply.
He waits until they finish eating before he talks (and considering how hungry they both were, it wasn't that long at all). He clears his throat and Nakajima looks at him expectantly over the bowl of soup in front of him.
"I'm sorry," he blurts out and he bows as deep as he could. He looks up when he feels a warm hand on his shoulder.
"All you had to do was to say so," Nakajima says with a kind smile and Yamada feels tears rush to his eyes. All the guilt pours out and he cries and cries and cries. Nakajima keeps his hand on Yamada's shoulder.
The sobs calm down and become hiccoughs; Yamada chokes out the words, "I love you, Yuuto." Nakajima doesn't withdraw his hand and Yamada repeats the words again and again until he induces another crying fit and all throughout it, Nakajima doesn't lose their physical contact.
When Yamada has finally stopped crying totally, he rubs his tired eyes and looks up at Nakajima who had similar tear tracks on his face. Nakajima coughs out a small laugh, "all you had to do was to say so," he repeats.
They both begin to laugh until their stomachs ache and they hold hands under the table until the manager tells them to go home.
16.
Yamada sits by the river and watches the sun cast its final rays over the lazy scenery. He watches as the light fades, dims with every second that passes by. The sky changes colors before his eyes, turning from warm red, orange and pink to predominantly cold purple and dark blue. He feels the temperature drop and he starts to shiver as the night wind passes by. Without the sun's warmth, all winds are chilly to him.
He feels a crushing loneliness just by watching the sun set, he thinks, because it's always sad when the sun goes away.
Suddenly, something warm hits his shoulders and something cold presses against his cheek, snapping him out of his reverie. He jumps slightly from shock only to see Nakajima laughing at him. He pouts but is grateful for the warm jacket and the cold drink (although he would have liked to have a warm one too).
"Sunsets are so pretty," Nakajima mutters as he sits down beside Yamada then he opens his own drink and takes a huge swig from it before shuffling closer to Yamada. They sit shoulder to shoulder and Yamada feels warmer from their touching bodies.
Yamada turns his head to look at Nakajima who is smiling peacefully and contently and he is inclined to agree.
He figures that with someone as bright as Nakajima around, the sun doesn't need to shine all of the time. (It wouldn't be a fair competition for the sun anyway.)
(Nakajima pokes Yamada's cheek, "hey, what are you thinking about?"
"You," Yamada says without thinking and he flushes when he realizes just what he said, "I mean... uhm... you." He hangs his head in shame.
Nakajima rolls his eyes and laughs, "you're such a romantist."
Yamada splutters, unable to find anything to retort, instead he makes a move to push Nakajima away but Nakajima tugs his sleeve to pull him close. Nakajima places a cupped hand near Yamada's ear and leans in.
"I love you too," he whispers and Yamada's entire face becomes red. Nakajima gives him a small kiss on the cheek before he goes back to sitting side by side.)