I did the same thing, and went back to the Church when I had my first child. I did everything I could to believe, I went to Mass every day, my children attended the parish school,I attended weekly bible class, I even taught Centering Prayer at the Student Center, prayed the Hours faithfully for many years, went on Retreats, prayed, went on Encounters, prayed. Became a Monk, even.
The more I learned, the less I believed, until one day I realized that I did not believe at all.
I am still on a spiritual quest, and may one day find what I seek. I am a firm believer that all the roads of spirituality lead to the One Source of All Being. And, when we reached that point, at the top of that mountain, we will be able to see this clearly.
Though the roads all seem separate and different, they eventually converge into One. That is what I believe now.
AMEN AMEN! Been there, done that, got the t-shirts---twice over. I finally have decided that I can't do better than to remember the basic ethics I was taught as a kid (fairly High Church Episcopal) and forget the bureaucracy completely. It does leave one feeling rather unsettled, but I'd rather be unsettled than gnashing my teeth over dead rules and other reindeer games. *G* Couldn't go the Wicca path either (TOO D&D for a cynical realist and MUCH too over-feminised). *sigh* I find my best and most profound spirituality in nature, so I guess I'm a Jeffersonian Transcandentalist. Or just a crazy naturist. LOL! Just so you know you're absolutely NOT alone in pondering the great uncertainties of faith. *hugs*
I love the ritual of the Church, the Liturgical year, the incense, the vestments, the chants, pretty much all the "smells and bells" that create a sacred space transcending the ordinary.
I just can buy into the doctrines any longer.
I believe we are all spiritual beings, and have a need to connect with a larger force, whatever it might be. This can be found for some in organized religions, for others in Nature or other places. But for all, I do believe the need is there, buried in our psyches, the collective consciousness that connects us all.
This probably seems off topic, but considering that we've talked about these issues before, I think I can toss in my ponderings.
The Catholic view on Christianity is a lot different from what I've been taught, and I think one of the main reasons I never felt any kind of need to rely on religion, is the lack of rituals. There is no actual participation, other than sit through a church service, bored out of your mind.
I went through a phase where I actually wanted to, wished, prayed to be touched by that special light, to be struck with the divine love I keep hearing about, but instead, all I got was the feeling of emptiness and futility, and gave up. I guess I'm just not cut out to be a bride of Jesus.
Although, and this is the first time I'm ever talking about this, I honestly thought that it finally happened, that I was blessed with the credence of God and all that jazz, when I stood in front of this statue of Virgin Mary, and just lost any hold of myself, struggling not to cry and weep out loud, in the middle of the other
( ... )
I am convinced that when you have those moments, you are truly being touched by the Holy Spirit. The problem is, our minds cannot comprehend the experience, and so we discard it.
Grace is not something poured into you like water, it diffuses through sight, scent, touch, sound, taste. Through the senses we can grasp the sacred, and transcend this world.
The Catholic Church, for all its failings, does get this part right. The Mass is a sensory delight, and encompasses your whole being. You are an active participant, moving, touching, tasting, hearing, smelling...
If only this could be coupled with the true teachings of Christ, of love and patience and forgiveness and tolerance and acceptance.
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The more I learned, the less I believed, until one day I realized that I did not believe at all.
I am still on a spiritual quest, and may one day find what I seek. I am a firm believer that all the roads of spirituality lead to the One Source of All Being. And, when we reached that point, at the top of that mountain, we will be able to see this clearly.
Though the roads all seem separate and different, they eventually converge into One. That is what I believe now.
Reply
Reply
I just can buy into the doctrines any longer.
I believe we are all spiritual beings, and have a need to connect with a larger force, whatever it might be. This can be found for some in organized religions, for others in Nature or other places. But for all, I do believe the need is there, buried in our psyches, the collective consciousness that connects us all.
Reply
The Catholic view on Christianity is a lot different from what I've been taught, and I think one of the main reasons I never felt any kind of need to rely on religion, is the lack of rituals. There is no actual participation, other than sit through a church service, bored out of your mind.
I went through a phase where I actually wanted to, wished, prayed to be touched by that special light, to be struck with the divine love I keep hearing about, but instead, all I got was the feeling of emptiness and futility, and gave up. I guess I'm just not cut out to be a bride of Jesus.
Although, and this is the first time I'm ever talking about this, I honestly thought that it finally happened, that I was blessed with the credence of God and all that jazz, when I stood in front of this statue of Virgin Mary, and just lost any hold of myself, struggling not to cry and weep out loud, in the middle of the other ( ... )
Reply
Grace is not something poured into you like water, it diffuses through sight, scent, touch, sound, taste. Through the senses we can grasp the sacred, and transcend this world.
The Catholic Church, for all its failings, does get this part right. The Mass is a sensory delight, and encompasses your whole being. You are an active participant, moving, touching, tasting, hearing, smelling...
If only this could be coupled with the true teachings of Christ, of love and patience and forgiveness and tolerance and acceptance.
What a wonderful world this would be.
Reply
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