Damn You, Criminal Minds

[malakijr]

So I was watching the show "Criminal Minds" today, because I really enjoy stabbing myself in the eye with a pen repeatedly (it's funtimes, yo) and the episode I just watched was a really good episode, but I think I'm going to be having nightmares tonight. Probably bad ones

Comments

[nabba]

It's been 14uyrs and I still blame myself. There are some days I can watch whatever and it doesn't bother me, then other days where it makes me a mess.

I know I can't change anything but I wish I could help ease the pain. Truth is I'm not sure anything can ease the pain of those memories.

I love you and I'm here. Email me 20k words of just getting it out if you have to.

Go find Bella and make her at least be in the same room with you, let her do her job.

I am around tho. Even if I pass out for a few hours before I reply again, I'm here.

[malakijr]

Bella is being Moody McHissalot lately, so she wasn't much help. I felt better after typing this entry, though. I was worried I gave too much about the episode away in my entry, but I just read it this morning and I definitely didn't give too much away, which makes me feel better since I only barely remember writing this. I was a mess last night. but while I DID dream about Criminal Minds and "The hunger Games" books last night, they weren't bad dreams (I come back to "The Hunger Games" a lot because there's so much in them about surviving terrible things happening and being wounded and broken and having to move on anyway, and it's not about "getting over it" by pretending the terrible things didn't happen but finding a way to see good things in the world in spite of all the bad...I don't know if you've read the books, but I highly recommend them

[nabba]

I understand, trust me. I put off watching an SVU ep or something like that. I want to watch Irreversible but I know it's graphic when it comes to the rape scene, so I've been putting it off for a very long time. Now being on yet another medication.... I don't know if maybe now I can watch stuff without having to have my first thought be "is this going to trigger me?"

You know I'm always here for you :)

<3

[quirkytizzy]

You're a stronger woman than I - I can't watch those kinds of shows because they trigger me too much. The fact that you can watch them at all shows great healing and strength.

Sometimes it's hard for me to face FB or other people - not because I dislike them but because the comparison is just too much. I'm not normal, I never will be normal, and to be reminded of that hurts so much some days.

But sometimes I manage a normal day - like you were talking about with your bills and friends and cat - and that is so enormous. But the frustration with the world doesn't ease because they can't see how even ONE day is a miracle for me.

I see it, though, and I see yours. This is one of the days that you have to get through to get to the normal days and I see the struggle and I still love you for it.

[malakijr]

Sometimes when I'm feeling like I'm nutso psycho I think of you and I think "Teressa would understand this" and it helps me feel less alone. Thank you for that.

[malakijr]

I know exactly the scene you're talking about. that one made me bawl, too, and I'm not even a mom, I've only ever worked at a daycare but the thought of leaving a tiny little human crying in a highchair and wondering where mommy went still haunts me. There was an episode of CSI Miami where a little girl (about 18 months or so) is covered in blood and she toddles down a street for several blocks before someone finally notices and picks her up and they find out that her whole family was slaughtered and she tried to wake mommy before toddling out of the house, scared and confused. I still flash back on that a lot.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets these images inside her head and freaks out because of them.

[jackiesjunkie]

I remember that Criminal Minds ep. Dealing with feelings of not being able to control things around you is something we all have to deal with but some of us have more issues with it.

[vacheestfachee]

I've had those dreams, too. *HUG*