Comments | mal_river: Chocolate Art

gwenfrewi72 in mal_river

Chocolate Art

Jan 16, 2006 10:07

Author: Gwenfrewi72 ( Read more... )

author: gwenfrewi72, challenge: chocolate covered mal, title: c

Comments 24

joshinyasha January 17 2006, 04:24:40 UTC

Personally I don't know whether to take a cold shower or laugh my ass off at them getting caught. Such a perfectly smutty goodiness fic ^_^ I think at one point you shifted tenses in a sentence (can't remember which at the moment), but that's my only complaint. Great job! *two thumbs up*

gwenfrewi72 January 17 2006, 04:31:56 UTC

That was one of the reactions I was looking for.

And I don't doubt I shifted tenses in one of the sentences. If you can tell me which one I'll gladly fix it.

Thanks.

joshinyasha January 17 2006, 04:35:05 UTC

Ah, it was right at the beginning. "After she had finished the dishes, she opened a cupboard and pulls out a covered bowl she had hidden earlier." Should be 'pulled' me thinks.

There may be more, but I'd have to reread it, and I don't think my parents would appreciate me taking a cold shower so close to midnight >.>

gwenfrewi72 January 17 2006, 04:45:05 UTC

Crap, it figures. I messed with it early and never got around to rereading to make sure I got it right. I hope others will point out any more corrections that need to be made. I always appreciate the feedback when it's not betaed.

Have to take a cold shower if you read it again, what a compliment. Thanks!

Thread 11

joshinyasha January 17 2006, 05:12:37 UTC

I kinda wish it would have been Jayne, cause then we would have gotten to see his reaction after River and Mal both threatened to A: kill him, or B: Leave him drifting in space if he told anyone. But still, Zoe's reaction was excellent, yeeessss...

gwenfrewi72 January 17 2006, 05:57:31 UTC

I like your userpic.

joshinyasha January 17 2006, 15:29:05 UTC

Lol! Thanks, ^_^

gwenfrewi72 January 17 2006, 05:19:00 UTC

Hmm, maybe I'll think about adding alternative endings to it. Think it would be hysterical.

catvampcrazines January 17 2006, 06:11:40 UTC

Lol! Poor Mal.
Wonderful, hot, and creative hun!

gwenfrewi72 January 17 2006, 06:15:00 UTC

Thank you. But think, he's being tortured in a good way.

ninamazing January 18 2006, 06:23:21 UTC

Ahahaha. Another "made me laugh because you were crazy enough to tackle the challenge and it actually worked." :D

gwenfrewi72 January 18 2006, 07:40:05 UTC

Thank you. If you try hard enough, it's easy to take Mal and River to the Special Chocolate Hell. Try it. It's fun to see what people come up with.