Apparently here in MT we are having the "cold snap". Since arriving here we have had a period, once each winter, where the temperature gets really, really cold. It is -8°F here in Missoula right now, low was -10°F at 6am (With wind chill it is -17°F). The high today is supposed to be 3°F!!! (Of course Missoula is the "Banana Belt" of Montana- the
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http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss?url=search-alias%3Dautomotive&field-keywords=engine+block+heater
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(Ignore the deleted comments - they were a result of my f****ed up connectivity.)
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At very cold temperatures, oil can get thick and goopy, and not offer very good protection for your engine.
A good 0W oil (e.g. 0W-20, 0W-30, etc.) will be useful. As far as I know, all of the 0W oils are synthetic, and will flow at absurdly cold temperatures as well as providing excellent protection.
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As for the rest...if the autos are garaged look into block heaters. It's a simple fix. Also make sure that your batteries are insulated. I won't insult your intelligence for the rest of it. I'm sure you've already checked into it.
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You need a remote start.
Also, I cannot believe you did not post a picture of the cat burrito.
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