El Pistolero Loco y el Pantera Negra Chapter Eight
BB: ...Okay, last chapter came the rage again, as well as the splitting up into two parts. I'm sorry about that. However, I have good news: this chapter is shorter, so I probably shouldn't rage like mad this time. Hopefully. And if I do, well, I'll call in someone to drag me out of it. Hope I have some sporkers on hold, it's time to do this thing!
Chapter 8:
Ira
"Anger," huh? Perfect! That's exactly what I feel whenever I read this steaming pile of festering dog feces! ...I think it's bad that the Suethor keeps reading my mind about titles. ...OH GOD, THEY'RE ONTO THE SPORKERS.
Sorry, very short chapter, I will update soon though.
NO! DON'T! IT'S GOOD THAT THIS IS SHORT! I WON'T KILL ANYTHING TRYING TO SPORK IT! AND DON'T UPDATE! I think I've given more than enough reasons why she shouldn't in the previous chapter sporks! Suethor, why aren't you listening to me!?
In the next two weeks Nicoletta and Sands didn't discuss what had happened. They simply spoke when they saw each other. This wasn't very often as Sands went out a lot, which Nicoletta was very happy about.
First: WHOA. A time hiccup of two weeks just happened with them speaking only when they see each other. Funny, I thought they'd speak to each other even if they weren't in the same room. Or if they just saw each other's doors. But, eh, they only speak when they see each other. So they don't talk to other people, hmm? And the sentences here are so rudimentary: They didn't discuss it. They spoke when they saw each other. Sands went out a lot. Nicoletta was very happy about...what, exactly? Sands going out a lot? Or it not being very often? Given her reactions the last chapter, I think she'd be pissed if Sands went out. Never know if he was picking up another woman. And with his reputation, you know he would. And he could. Because, my friends, Sands is a very good actor when he wants to be. He can lay on the charm real thick when he needs to. Nicoletta, you should be worried if he's going out all the time.
One morning Nicoletta, very reluctantly, came down stairs. She had hoped that she could have just got her breakfast, gone back upstairs and hid for the rest of the day. She really couldn't face Sands today. Unfortunately, Sands was, once again, already awake. This time, however, he wasn't on his phone. The only escape she could have had and he had removed it. Nicoletta was becoming pretty sure that the entire world was conspiring against her.
Why is she moving down the stairs reluctantly? Is she afraid of the stairs? And why can't she face Sands today, of all days? She's been talking to him whenever she's seen him for the past couple of weeks, and even though that wasn't "very often," it was still seeing him and speaking with him! Why is it just today that she can't face him? Is it because she's just trying to build up DRAMA? (If you guessed that, you're very good at this game.) And what's this about the phone? Was there any mention of a phone when it came to them not speaking? No. It just said that Sands was out a lot. It never said he was out a lot or on his phone. So...Why? Why is that there? There's no precedent for it. There's also no precedent for her to think the entire world's conspiring against her. So Sands isn't on his phone or out. Who cares? She can just as easily say that she doesn't want to talk, grab her breakfast, then head back upstairs. Is that so hard? (In a Sue-niverse, yes, it is.)
Well, since the Suethor couldn't be arsed to just say that, we have to deal with needless WAAAAAAAAAAAAANGST.
Nicoletta decided that her best option was to act as though nothing was wrong. So, she gave Sands a very small smile, and helped herself to a cup of coffee that was on the table.
...Okay, so there was a cup of already made coffee on the table, hmm? And how do you know it doesn't belong to SANDS? You just lift it up, no thought about that, and decide to help yourself to it. Gods, people, is it so hard to ASK, "Hey, is this your coffee? Can I have a sip or two?" My friends ask me that all the time whenever I pull all-nighters (like I'm doing right now for these chapters), and I'm usually willing to give them what they ask for. The next time they buy coffee, they let me do the same. It's called COURTESY. It's called BEING POLITE. It's called, WHY DON'T SUES HAVE THESE TRAITS?
"Morning Nicoletta. You need to hurry up with that coffee; we're going out this morning."
Nicoletta sighed, "Not again!" she thought. "Where are we going today?" she asked resignedly.
Nicozilla, you just said up there that SANDS went out a lot. You never said that you go out with him, y'know. And why are you RESIGNED to it? While I admit that I hate going out whenever my sister demands I do, I still GO. You don't have to be resigned to something. But, then again, this is the Suethor, trying to make us feel so sorry for her. Oh, isn't she so put upon? Sands makes her GO somewhere instead of yelling at her to stay in the house because she's apparently being hunted by people who want to KILL her! People we've had no sign of, by the by, since chapter three. We're on chapter eight now. Five chapters with only fleeting mentions of them.
Who's supposed to be our villains again?
Sands smiled lazily, "We're going to the market. You are going to walk around and buy food that we need. I am going to meet with a business associate of mine."
Nicoletta saw red, "So what you're saying is that I'm going to be your decoy?"
Nicozilla, you're ANGRY at something!? SHOCK! GASP! THIS IS SO NEW AND EXCITING...not. Seriously, am I supposed to be impressed that she saw red? That's the most cliche way to express anger. And HOW is she going to be a decoy? I know Sands agrees with her in the next sentence, but HOW?! He says he's going to meet an associate. He never needed decoys for that before. Hell, he SHOT one of his so-called "associates" right in the damn chest! ANYONE WHO SEES THE MOVIE WOULD KNOW THIS! GOD DAMMIT!
Sands smile widened, "Exactly sugar butt."
AND IT'S THAT WORD AGAIN, EVERYONE! TWENTY TWO!
Nicoletta stood up quickly and glared at him, "No way. I'm not going to stand there while you do all the hard work! You're not the only fighter here."
Sands stood up, his smile had disappeared and he easily matched her glare, "Sorry sugar butt but you don't have a choice. It's come with me and do what I say, or I throw you out and you can look after yourself."
TWENTY THREE!
And Nicozilla, listen to the man who has to actually MEET the guy. And the guy who is HELPING YOUR ASS. He's right when he says he can throw you out, no food, no money, nothing, and then leave you at the mercy of those bad guys we STILL haven't heard about. And Sands, babe? In the movie, it didn't take you two weeks to get in touch with people. STEP UP THE FUCKING GAME!
Nicoletta knew that she didn't have a choice. He was such an arrogant bastard! Without bothering to answer she made a very quick decision. With the sweetest smile she had she picked up her mug and poured coffee down his shirt. Then, placing the mug on the table, she turned and left the room. Leaving, a totally speechless, Sands stood there.
She knew it was childish, but it was very funny.
Sands is not being arrogant here, everyone. He's telling the truth: Nicozilla can either help him out (though I don't see why he needs her), or she can be thrown out. Sands is a fucking CIA agent, he can't just dick around and bodyguard some useless sack of flesh. And, by the by? This is somewhat-canon characterization for Sands: a complete asshole who infuriates people. YAY FOR CANON CHARACTERIZATION! It's poorly done, but I don't care, it's still ALMOST canon! I almost don't even care about the stupid thing that Nicozilla did with the coff--
...
...
...
YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!
Everyone, may I remind us of something? Sands here DID NOT have to take Nicoletta in. He could've just left her alone, or called someone else to take care of her while he took care of the drug cartel. I know he did it here just so the Suethor could wank, but really, he didn't have to. And Nicoletta, who is eating his food that HE pays for, who is sleeping in a room in HIS house, who has NOWHERE else to go, just poured coffee down the front of his shirt and thought it was flippin' funny. And the Suethor expected us to laugh at it.
...Critic?
Thank you. Seriously, everyone...that...that level of Ingratitude and Bitchiness is OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS. HOW could people LIKE this damn fic?! Seriously! I don't understand it. I'll never understand the inner workings of a Suethor's mind. EVER.
CaptainRaven: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! You were the first review formy lastchapter and I am sooooo pleased you liked it! I thought everybody would hate! Thank you! Well done you got the right word eventually! Lol. I'm sure the site is very privileged that you used a special name for it. Lol! Thank you! Keep reading and reviewing!
You thought everyone would hate it because you want them to give you praise and say, "Oh, no, no, you did perfectly fine! This is great!"
WELL I AIN'T DOING IT! I HATE IT! And everyone, the rest of this thing? It has nothing to do with the actual review. It's just the Suethor sprouting out words. I checked. Gods...
The lady of the Shadows: Chained To The Chair!!!! The Horror! You won't be able to write! Unless your chained to the computer chair in which case YAY! You'll have to update all the time! Muhahahha! Lol. YAY!!! So glad you like it and I'm seriously flattered you like my story! You think my ideas are wonderful! Thank you! A name for your character…hmmmm…well you might not like this name but I like Selke Redfern. I'm not sure about the last name fitting but I really like Selke. Hope that was helpful if I think of any better I'll e-mail you! Thanks! Keep reading and reviewing!
First off, if you were chained to a chair, someone would usually chain your arms there. You wouldn't be able to write, even if you WERE chained to your computer. And ugh, she gave a Suethor a Sue's name for her character. Why can't you just e-mail her these? Why can't you just PM people these things? WHY DO SUETHORS DO THIS SHIT?! WHY, WHY, WHY?!
Jacks-Strumpet: Could you be any nicer?!? Sniff You said my story was your favourite! AWWW! gives big hug. Thank you so much! Hope this update was soon enough and I'm glad it wasn't too descriptive. Thank you so much! I will update soon as I know this is a pretty short chapter. Luv ya!
The last chapter wasn't descriptive at all. In fact, I just finished sporking it a while ago, and I don't even remember most of the "details" that went on. So fail. A big fail. And don't update soon. Don't update at all. Just abandon this thing and let me live in peace.
zigzag: Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you said that about it being explicit because I agree. I have warned and everything. It's just I didn't want people to be insulted and I'm not very sure on what goes in each rating. Please keep reading and reviewing!
You warned us for shit that didn't happen. And if you aren't sure what goes on in each rating, there are RATING GUIDELINES! It TELLS you exactly what should go in each rating! None of them are too difficult to understand!
To everybody else: Keep reading and please review!
I'm going to keep reading because I HAVE to, not because I want to. And my sporking will count as my review. Happy now?
All right, everyone, I'm getting this chapter done today, too, because, as the Suethor said, it's a short one. I hope it'll make up for all the time I was at work and couldn't update. Until next time, BB is signing off. Bye.
Next Chapter
Previous Chapter
Chapter 8:
Ira
"Anger," huh? Perfect! That's exactly what I feel whenever I read this steaming pile of festering dog feces! ...I think it's bad that the Suethor keeps reading my mind about titles. ...OH GOD, THEY'RE ONTO THE SPORKERS.
Sorry, very short chapter, I will update soon though.
NO! DON'T! IT'S GOOD THAT THIS IS SHORT! I WON'T KILL ANYTHING TRYING TO SPORK IT! AND DON'T UPDATE! I think I've given more than enough reasons why she shouldn't in the previous chapter sporks! Suethor, why aren't you listening to me!?
In the next two weeks Nicoletta and Sands didn't discuss what had happened. They simply spoke when they saw each other. This wasn't very often as Sands went out a lot, which Nicoletta was very happy about.
First: WHOA. A time hiccup of two weeks just happened with them speaking only when they see each other. Funny, I thought they'd speak to each other even if they weren't in the same room. Or if they just saw each other's doors. But, eh, they only speak when they see each other. So they don't talk to other people, hmm? And the sentences here are so rudimentary: They didn't discuss it. They spoke when they saw each other. Sands went out a lot. Nicoletta was very happy about...what, exactly? Sands going out a lot? Or it not being very often? Given her reactions the last chapter, I think she'd be pissed if Sands went out. Never know if he was picking up another woman. And with his reputation, you know he would. And he could. Because, my friends, Sands is a very good actor when he wants to be. He can lay on the charm real thick when he needs to. Nicoletta, you should be worried if he's going out all the time.
One morning Nicoletta, very reluctantly, came down stairs. She had hoped that she could have just got her breakfast, gone back upstairs and hid for the rest of the day. She really couldn't face Sands today. Unfortunately, Sands was, once again, already awake. This time, however, he wasn't on his phone. The only escape she could have had and he had removed it. Nicoletta was becoming pretty sure that the entire world was conspiring against her.
Why is she moving down the stairs reluctantly? Is she afraid of the stairs? And why can't she face Sands today, of all days? She's been talking to him whenever she's seen him for the past couple of weeks, and even though that wasn't "very often," it was still seeing him and speaking with him! Why is it just today that she can't face him? Is it because she's just trying to build up DRAMA? (If you guessed that, you're very good at this game.) And what's this about the phone? Was there any mention of a phone when it came to them not speaking? No. It just said that Sands was out a lot. It never said he was out a lot or on his phone. So...Why? Why is that there? There's no precedent for it. There's also no precedent for her to think the entire world's conspiring against her. So Sands isn't on his phone or out. Who cares? She can just as easily say that she doesn't want to talk, grab her breakfast, then head back upstairs. Is that so hard? (In a Sue-niverse, yes, it is.)
Well, since the Suethor couldn't be arsed to just say that, we have to deal with needless WAAAAAAAAAAAAANGST.
Nicoletta decided that her best option was to act as though nothing was wrong. So, she gave Sands a very small smile, and helped herself to a cup of coffee that was on the table.
...Okay, so there was a cup of already made coffee on the table, hmm? And how do you know it doesn't belong to SANDS? You just lift it up, no thought about that, and decide to help yourself to it. Gods, people, is it so hard to ASK, "Hey, is this your coffee? Can I have a sip or two?" My friends ask me that all the time whenever I pull all-nighters (like I'm doing right now for these chapters), and I'm usually willing to give them what they ask for. The next time they buy coffee, they let me do the same. It's called COURTESY. It's called BEING POLITE. It's called, WHY DON'T SUES HAVE THESE TRAITS?
"Morning Nicoletta. You need to hurry up with that coffee; we're going out this morning."
Nicoletta sighed, "Not again!" she thought. "Where are we going today?" she asked resignedly.
Nicozilla, you just said up there that SANDS went out a lot. You never said that you go out with him, y'know. And why are you RESIGNED to it? While I admit that I hate going out whenever my sister demands I do, I still GO. You don't have to be resigned to something. But, then again, this is the Suethor, trying to make us feel so sorry for her. Oh, isn't she so put upon? Sands makes her GO somewhere instead of yelling at her to stay in the house because she's apparently being hunted by people who want to KILL her! People we've had no sign of, by the by, since chapter three. We're on chapter eight now. Five chapters with only fleeting mentions of them.
Who's supposed to be our villains again?
Sands smiled lazily, "We're going to the market. You are going to walk around and buy food that we need. I am going to meet with a business associate of mine."
Nicoletta saw red, "So what you're saying is that I'm going to be your decoy?"
Nicozilla, you're ANGRY at something!? SHOCK! GASP! THIS IS SO NEW AND EXCITING...not. Seriously, am I supposed to be impressed that she saw red? That's the most cliche way to express anger. And HOW is she going to be a decoy? I know Sands agrees with her in the next sentence, but HOW?! He says he's going to meet an associate. He never needed decoys for that before. Hell, he SHOT one of his so-called "associates" right in the damn chest! ANYONE WHO SEES THE MOVIE WOULD KNOW THIS! GOD DAMMIT!
Sands smile widened, "Exactly sugar butt."
AND IT'S THAT WORD AGAIN, EVERYONE! TWENTY TWO!
Nicoletta stood up quickly and glared at him, "No way. I'm not going to stand there while you do all the hard work! You're not the only fighter here."
Sands stood up, his smile had disappeared and he easily matched her glare, "Sorry sugar butt but you don't have a choice. It's come with me and do what I say, or I throw you out and you can look after yourself."
TWENTY THREE!
And Nicozilla, listen to the man who has to actually MEET the guy. And the guy who is HELPING YOUR ASS. He's right when he says he can throw you out, no food, no money, nothing, and then leave you at the mercy of those bad guys we STILL haven't heard about. And Sands, babe? In the movie, it didn't take you two weeks to get in touch with people. STEP UP THE FUCKING GAME!
Nicoletta knew that she didn't have a choice. He was such an arrogant bastard! Without bothering to answer she made a very quick decision. With the sweetest smile she had she picked up her mug and poured coffee down his shirt. Then, placing the mug on the table, she turned and left the room. Leaving, a totally speechless, Sands stood there.
She knew it was childish, but it was very funny.
Sands is not being arrogant here, everyone. He's telling the truth: Nicozilla can either help him out (though I don't see why he needs her), or she can be thrown out. Sands is a fucking CIA agent, he can't just dick around and bodyguard some useless sack of flesh. And, by the by? This is somewhat-canon characterization for Sands: a complete asshole who infuriates people. YAY FOR CANON CHARACTERIZATION! It's poorly done, but I don't care, it's still ALMOST canon! I almost don't even care about the stupid thing that Nicozilla did with the coff--
...
...
...
YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!
Everyone, may I remind us of something? Sands here DID NOT have to take Nicoletta in. He could've just left her alone, or called someone else to take care of her while he took care of the drug cartel. I know he did it here just so the Suethor could wank, but really, he didn't have to. And Nicoletta, who is eating his food that HE pays for, who is sleeping in a room in HIS house, who has NOWHERE else to go, just poured coffee down the front of his shirt and thought it was flippin' funny. And the Suethor expected us to laugh at it.
...Critic?
Click to viewThank you. Seriously, everyone...that...that level of Ingratitude and Bitchiness is OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS. HOW could people LIKE this damn fic?! Seriously! I don't understand it. I'll never understand the inner workings of a Suethor's mind. EVER.
CaptainRaven: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! You were the first review formy lastchapter and I am sooooo pleased you liked it! I thought everybody would hate! Thank you! Well done you got the right word eventually! Lol. I'm sure the site is very privileged that you used a special name for it. Lol! Thank you! Keep reading and reviewing!
You thought everyone would hate it because you want them to give you praise and say, "Oh, no, no, you did perfectly fine! This is great!"
WELL I AIN'T DOING IT! I HATE IT! And everyone, the rest of this thing? It has nothing to do with the actual review. It's just the Suethor sprouting out words. I checked. Gods...
The lady of the Shadows: Chained To The Chair!!!! The Horror! You won't be able to write! Unless your chained to the computer chair in which case YAY! You'll have to update all the time! Muhahahha! Lol. YAY!!! So glad you like it and I'm seriously flattered you like my story! You think my ideas are wonderful! Thank you! A name for your character…hmmmm…well you might not like this name but I like Selke Redfern. I'm not sure about the last name fitting but I really like Selke. Hope that was helpful if I think of any better I'll e-mail you! Thanks! Keep reading and reviewing!
First off, if you were chained to a chair, someone would usually chain your arms there. You wouldn't be able to write, even if you WERE chained to your computer. And ugh, she gave a Suethor a Sue's name for her character. Why can't you just e-mail her these? Why can't you just PM people these things? WHY DO SUETHORS DO THIS SHIT?! WHY, WHY, WHY?!
Jacks-Strumpet: Could you be any nicer?!? Sniff You said my story was your favourite! AWWW! gives big hug. Thank you so much! Hope this update was soon enough and I'm glad it wasn't too descriptive. Thank you so much! I will update soon as I know this is a pretty short chapter. Luv ya!
The last chapter wasn't descriptive at all. In fact, I just finished sporking it a while ago, and I don't even remember most of the "details" that went on. So fail. A big fail. And don't update soon. Don't update at all. Just abandon this thing and let me live in peace.
zigzag: Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you said that about it being explicit because I agree. I have warned and everything. It's just I didn't want people to be insulted and I'm not very sure on what goes in each rating. Please keep reading and reviewing!
You warned us for shit that didn't happen. And if you aren't sure what goes on in each rating, there are RATING GUIDELINES! It TELLS you exactly what should go in each rating! None of them are too difficult to understand!
To everybody else: Keep reading and please review!
I'm going to keep reading because I HAVE to, not because I want to. And my sporking will count as my review. Happy now?
All right, everyone, I'm getting this chapter done today, too, because, as the Suethor said, it's a short one. I hope it'll make up for all the time I was at work and couldn't update. Until next time, BB is signing off. Bye.
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