FIC: "That Padalecki Kid" *Completed*
Title: “That Padalecki Kid” *Completed* for
reel_spn
Author: apostrophee archived at
maddys_slash
Movie Adapted : [The Mudge Boy]
Genre: Slash; Angst
Characters/Pairings: Jared Padalecki / Jensen Ackles, Christian Kane, Chad Michael Murray, Jason Manns, OFC, Danneel Harris
Summary: Jared’s got a secret.
Rating: Strong R for mature situations.
Word Count: 13,130
Warnings: UNDERAGE Jared 14; Jensen 18 GRAPHIC NON-CON!!!!
Notes/Credits: If you seen the movie, I stayed pretty true to it, but I added my own ending and if you’ve never seen the movie, hopefully you’ll enjoy this as an Alt. Verse. There is a graphic scene of rape, but it's not glorified in anyway! Thank you to
riorhapsody for the beta / hand-holding / French braiding of my hair. I adore you.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended; fair use only. Not created for profit.
DOWNLOAD PODFIC HERE
The boy up the road....
He parts his dark chestnut hair straight down the middle. Smooth, sharp like an arrow, nice and neat. Mama used to love Jared’s hair this way, said it made him look respectable, showed people just what a nice young man she was raising him into being. Jared thinks of this as he fixes his tie staring at himself in the mirror. He’s too skinny and too tall; his arms have been hanging awkwardly from his body like winding tree limbs ever since the growth spurt. He’s just turned fourteen a month ago, but mama missed that birthday. She died on the first of July. Had a heart attack while riding her bike down Miller’s road on her way to the market to give Hank a dozen eggs as a ‘thank you’ for fixing one of the tractors on the farm.
Jared blames himself. Thinks that if he were a better son then maybe she wouldn’t have up and died on him…left him. She was his only friend. He knows she passed on because of her bad heart, but still, he blames himself. He thinks dad must blame him too because dad doesn’t look at him much anymore these days and when he does it’s always with a scowl, like he gets a bad taste in his mouth that his tongue can’t lick away. His once tender blue eyes full of laughter and smiles now burn unkind like something wicked and full of disdain has darkened them.
“Put that damn bird outside,” dad says gruffly across the table. Won’t even look at Jared for more than a second before his eyes skirt back down to his bowl of hot cereal. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
“Bu-bu-but I like holding her,” Jared stutters. He hates the way dad won’t look at him and worse he hates the way dad does look at him. Like he’s embarrassed or ashamed. Like there‘s just something wrong with Jared.
Jared’s too quiet for it to be healthy. The teachers up at the high school all think that he has a learning disability. They keep giving him tests to prove themselves right, but each time he passes, excels. He doesn’t have many friends -not a one, not even a teacher or one of the janitors and most days he keeps to himself, always eats lunch alone. Only ever speaks when spoken to and even then he keeps his responses short and tangled, like he’s too afraid to speak above a mumbled whisper. The other kids make fun of him, say he smells like chicken shit and they ask him crude things like if he’s ever stuck his pecker inside of one. He always carries around that one bird, the stupid one his mother named Chiken. Chiken was her favorite chicken and now that she’s gone, Jared thinks that he has to take care of it just so it won’t miss his mother much. He misses mama. He misses her something awful that sometimes he’ll curl up in bed with one of her old fur coats and pretend that it’s her wrapping him up with her love and he’ll swear it’ll feel just the same, all feathery soft and smelling like sweet things.
“I’m not gonna tell you again Jared. Put that bird down while you’re eating your food.”
“But I-”
“Damn it boy,” dad yells pounding his fist on the table. He slams it down so hard that the silverware falls to the floor with a clinking crash of stainless steel against linoleum. “Would you just listen?”
Jared sits Chiken down on the floor gently nudging her away from the table and away from dad’s wrath. Jared doesn’t think dad will hurt her, but dad hasn’t been the same since mama died and Jared won’t put anything past him.
* * *
Pastor Michaels asks Jared to sing the solo in church today. Jared doesn’t have a good voice, but that doesn’t stop him from putting his whole heart into it. It doesn’t matter that he can look out into the small gathering of people, stare at the faces of some of the guys he’s known since he was knee high to a bulldog and see how they laugh at him. Everyone always laughs at him. Nothing new. Jared Tristian Padalecki is that weird kid that never seems to know the difference between the right kind of words and the wrong kind that don‘t make much sense.
Jensen Ackles sits with his mother in the third pew. His dark blonde hair is cut short, closely cropped to his head accentuating all the sharp angles of his smooth, work hardened freckled face. His lips are soft, pink and full and when he was younger, kids used to make fun of him, said he had a girl’s mouth. He’s eighteen and wants to take over the world only he doesn’t have any skills besides shoveling cow manure. Jensen thinks he’ll wind up an old, bitter, alcoholic prick like his father is. He’ll probably be like all the men in his family and never leave this piece of shit Texas town where there’s only two stop lights and every store closes before nine p.m. Jensen’s little sister looks just as bored as he feels and really, he wishes he could be back at home with his father sipping on a beer and watching the game, but he knew if given the choice he preferred being bored for three hours pretending to listen to the reverend go on and on about how the sins of the flesh were oh so wrong and every just man falls down seven times before being saved and blah, blah, blah.
Yeah. Whatever.
That Padalecki guy is singing again and Jensen finds this hilarious. That kid is just so strange. The way he’s always staring at him, watching him when he talks. It kind of bothers Jensen, but not enough for him to ever say anything about it. Truth is, he does feel kind of bad for him. Hell, the kid’s mother just fucking dropped dead not even a full two months ago, but hell, Jared just makes it too easy to laugh at him and Jensen can’t help it. Not even when his mother shoots him a pleading look for him to be quiet. It doesn’t help that Jason, Chad and Christian are sitting in the pew behind him with their parents and Jensen can hear them cracking up too.
When the service finally ends Jensen stands impatiently beside his mother as she chats up one of her friends. He doesn’t hide his annoyance and he grunts and sighs, asks her when the fuck can they go home until Donna looks at him with sad round hazel eyes and asks for a minute, just a minute please. Jensen can still see the bruise around her left eye that has yet to heal and he thinks of his father for a moment. Thinks of how dark liquor turns him into a dark asshole and he’s determined not to be that, not to his mother so he slinks away to the basement where it’s cool and he can catch a quick smoke without any of the ‘good ole church folk’ seeing him.
* * *
Mackenzie June Ackles is ten years old, thinks the sun rises and falls every time Jared Padalecki breathes. She giggles with only the innocent excitement a child can have as he chases her around the lawn dressed in her Sunday best. Jared always plays tag with her whenever she asks, not like the other big kids from the high school who look at her like she‘s a dumb kid in all the special education classes. Her brother Jensen won’t even play with her, always yelling for her to move out of the way of this and from in front of that. Jared never yells at her and she loves him for it. One day, Mackenzie would like to marry him.
“Quit running.” Dad’s voice drips with warning as he catches Jared by the arm mid-sprint. Jared is just as tall as dad, but dad is wider in the shoulders and Jared knows that he should listen. He twists out of dad’s grasp and stands near waiting for dad to finish talking to the widow Peters.
“I’m so sorry about your mother,” the widow says. Jared really hates how people keep saying that to him. Over and over I’m so sorry. Like their apologies can bring her back or like they mean anything.
“Yeah, okay.” He only speaks because he feels like he should.
“Has anybody seen Jensen?” Donna asks and her eyes fall to Jared’s. Jared has known the Ackles’ family for as long as he can remember. They live two miles up the road and own a dairy farm. Dad says the cows up there are no good and it’s a wonder that they’re still making any kind of money, but judging from the holes in little Mackenzie’s dress, Jared thinks that maybe they’re not making much of any kind.
“I know where he is,” Jared announces and he takes off running. “I’ll get him!” He knows where Jensen went because he watched him all morning. He doesn’t know what these feelings he has mean, but there’s something about Jensen’s face that makes Jared feel all confused, compels him to stare, so he does.
Jared calls out Jensen’s name softly as he descends the steps to the basement. It’s empty down here, not a soul to be found and Jared thinks for a moment that maybe he was mistaken. Maybe Jensen’s not really down here. He turns to leave -gotta tell Mrs. Ackles that Jensen isn’t here- but then he hears a sound coming from the bathroom. A funny sound like a sigh caught between a pant and a moan.
“God you’ve got beautiful tits. Come on, let me stick it in,” a voice whispers. “God you’re sexy.” It’s Jensen’s voice and Jared finds himself floating towards the closed door where he’s heard it. He just stands there listening, too afraid to announce his presence.
There‘s a thump, like the crashing of a head against the wall and the girl laughs. “You being serious?” She asks.
“Yeah,” Jensen grunts. “Take off your panties.”
“Oh God, Jensen you’re all sweaty….come on, not in church J.R., not in church!”
“Come on Paige, come on. Real quick-”
“Jensen,” Jared says knocking on the door. He can hear Jensen curse and the girl groans like she’s half-annoyed, but partially relieved by the interruption. “Um, your mom’s looking-”
“What is it Jay?” Jensen opens the door with his cock heat flushed pink, hard and sticking out of the fly of his boxers like some angry, red thing that makes Jared look away uncomfortably. Paige Mueller stands behind Jensen struggling to pull her shirt down across the rolls of fat that sit at her sides. Paige is a short, plump girl with a bulbous nose, loud mouth, pale, pale skin and dull brown hair. She’s not very pretty, but she’s pretty easy to get into. Everyone in town knows that her parents sell pot and are the kind of people that don’t really give a damn about anyone or anything except for themselves. Hippies. Jared thinks Paige is a sweet girl despite this, the only one of the older kids who don’t make much fun of him, but sometimes she looks sad. Like she needs someone to tell her that she’s important, only no one ever does. Maybe that’s why she sleeps with so many guys.
“Um, your mom’s looking for you. Says you gotta go home now.” Jared says softly and Paige nervously pushes past Jensen knocking his shoulder into Jared’s. The contact makes something warm flutter throughout Jared’s chest and he takes a step back.
“Hi Jared,” Paige says briefly looking into his eyes tucking her hair behind her ears brushing past him.
“Hi,” Jared mumbles. “Jensen your mom’s ready to-”
“Yeah, I heard you,” Jensen interjects. He stuffs his dick back inside of his boxers and pulls his jeans up. With a self-important dismissive grunt he waves Jared off. “Tell her I’ll be a right there -gotta take a piss.”
The door slams in Jared’s face and it takes him a moment to gather up the sense to leave.
* * *
Gerry Padalecki watches as the Mann’s boy and the Kane’s boy make fun of his son, calling him chicken-boy as they load up to leave the church parking lot. He should step in, tell the kids to go on and leave him alone. Today is the day for the Lord and nothing else, but he doesn’t. It’s just boys being boys, just a little harmless fun. Jared needs to learn how to defend himself anyway, needs to stand up and be a man. He’s only fourteen, but it’s never too early to learn such things.
Such things are important.
* * *
Jared hates dad’s macaroni. He always uses too much cheese and not enough milk so lumps of sharp cheddar coagulate between the noodles leaving everything to taste bitter. He eats it anyway, pretends that it’s good as he looks across the table at dad, wishing that he’d say something.
“This is good,” Jared lies. He just wants to make conversation. He just wants dad to talk to him. No one ever talks to him.
“Yeah.” Dad mutters shoveling another forkful into his mouth.
The silence is thick, thick and heavy like winter blankets and Jared wants to rip it away like a half-healed scab.
“So Jared, how was school today?” Jared asks himself in the voice of his mother. “Oh, it was good mom. Mrs. Herman thinks I should be skipped to tenth-”
“Cut it out,” Jared’s father grunts and Jared ignores him. Keeps having his imaginary conversation where his mother now addresses his father.
“Gerry, I‘m gonna need you to fix the tires on one of the bikes. The wheels keep turning-”
Jared’s father slams his fist down on the table. “ENOUGH,” he yells.
He does look at Jared as he says this, but the look he gives him is a murderous one that makes Jared’s blood run cold.
Why does his dad hate him so much? What did he ever do to him besides live?
* * *
Jensen’s busy shoveling hay in the barn. Bundle after bundle he lays it down for the cows to eat and to cover up the pungent smell of their waste. He hates this job, hates how his father is too god damn busy drinking himself into an early grave to give a damn about the farm anymore. So Jensen does all the work, makes sure the cows stay fed and fat. Makes sure that their milk gets pumped and even handles the orders and shipments.
He can hear someone talking outside of the barn and he knows that voice. Knows it’s that weird kid from up the road. He sneaks a peak from the corner of the door, watches as Jared pets Cassie’s wet nose. Cass’s a pretty good old heifer, can’t produce much milk anymore, but she’s friendly and they keep her around just because of that. Really, Jensen knows his dad’s waiting for her to just get a little bigger and then he’s gonna send her off to the butcher, but Jensen pretends that he doesn’t know what he does. He’s not supposed to get attached to the animals anyway.
“She’ll suck your dick if you let her,” Jensen teases with a grin coming out from behind the door. He chuckles a bit to himself as he watches Jared flinch at the sound of his voice retracting his hand from Cass’s snout as if it were fire and he wipes the flames away on his shirt.
“Well, I wouldn’t,” Jared replies seriously.
Jensen eyes him carefully. “I was just kidding,” he says and he finds it a little unsettling that Jared won’t look him in the eye.
That kid is just odd. What’s he doing at his house anyway?
* * *
The smell of August is ripe in the air. It’s a dry and sweet kind of smell that makes Jared remember all of the summer time days he’d spend with his mother inside the chicken coops singing to the birds and laying down cornmeal into their food. Mama used to say that a happy chicken is a chicken that feels loved and the more a chicken feels loved the more eggs it’ll lay.
Dad tells Jared that he doesn’t need his help today. Dad never needs his help around the farm. Jared wishes that he did. The only thing he has to do is keep the birds fed and now that that’s done, he has nothing else to do. So Jared packs up Chiken, puts her along with his mother’s old hat in the basket in front of his bike and he takes off. The general store is two miles west and maybe a cola will help the day pass a little quicker.
* * *
It’s just another lazy Texas afternoon and they’re all trying to score some booze. Jensen hops in the back of Chad Murray’s pick up truck, sits beside Christian. Paige won’t look at him. Fuck her, she’s just another easy bitch he thinks. Too good to talk to him so screw her. Danneel’s there and she’s smiling. Her brown eyes look heavy and Jensen can smell the weed on her breath when she lays her head on his shoulder. She feels nice. He could probably have some fun with her.
“There’s that Jared kid. Look at him, always with that fucking chicken,” Christian grunts as they pull up in front of the general store. None of them are a day over eighteen, but that doesn’t matter, Miss Lucy will sell booze to any girl whose tits are bigger than a mouthful and any guy with a bit of scruff on his face. She’s too old to care about a drunk sixteen-year-old when she has bills to pay. Money is money.
“Shit, I’m out of cash,” Chad says as he hops out of the truck. “You guys got some cash?” He looks at Christian expectantly because Kane’s always the one that buys. He’s the only one with a steady job, works pumping gas and doesn’t make much, but he lives at home so what he does make he can spend freely.
“Nada bro. I’m tapped out until payday next week.” Christian sighs.
“Fuck,” Chad grunts looks over to Jason who sits shotgun. “Mann?”
“Sorry dude, broke too.”
“I…I got some money.” The voice is soft, almost meek and Jensen grits his teeth. Why does that Padalecki kid always have to draw attention to himself? Doesn’t he know by now he’s just opening himself up to get picked on? He makes it easy. So. Fucking. Easy.
“What you say chicken-boy?” Chad walks over to him with a grin. The sun catches Chad’s blonde hair and it’s so bright that Jared looks away. In another kind of life, Chad could have probably been a movie star because his looks are so good.
“I said I-I got some money…you know…” Jared says digging into his pocket. He takes out a crumpled ten-dollar bill that Chad snatches away expressing his gratitude with a sneering smirk as he and Jason walk into Miss Lucy’s Place. Danneel calls out for someone to bring her a bag of corn chips and knowing that they won’t she hops out of the truck and follows them in.
Jared feels an odd sense of acceptance, like he‘s being included into something that he hasn‘t really been invited to. It’s not real, but he’ll take it.
“Jared bring your chicken over here,” Paige calls out to him. Jared smiles as he wheels his bike over to the red, dirt-wash pickup truck. “She is so cute,” Paige exclaims reaching out for the bird. “Can I hold her.”
“Sure,” Jared smiles.
“Hey, who cut your hair Jar-head? Your grandma?” Christian teases and Jensen laughs taking note of how perfectly sharp and straight Jared’s haircut looks. How the bane is cut just above the brow and how it’s a little longer, but just as precise in the back. It’s unlike Christian’s messy tangle of long, unkempt brown locks and Jensen’s short, yet scruffy mane.
“No, my dad….” Jared trails off and looks away.
Jensen keeps laughing even though he feels kind of bad about it. It’s just that Jared…that Jared is just so weird.
“Aw, she is so sweet,” Paige coos. “What’s her name?”
“Chiken. Me and my mom ordered a box of chicks in the mail and they were all supposed Rhode Island reds and girls only one was a rooster and one turned out to be white. We just kept Chiken as the pet. She was mom’s favorite.” Jared trails off, feels himself getting sad thinking about mama.
Jensen stares at him, something in his chest goes tight as he watches Jared’s face twist.
“Your mom was so pretty.” Paige states softly.
Jared looks up at her thankfully. “Yeah…”
Christian glances over to Jensen and takes in how he stares at Jared. He feels uncomfortable because there is something penetrating about the way Jensen looks at the younger boy and Christian looks away, thankful that Chad and Jason are coming back out to the car with the beer.
The noise they make is what finally causes Jensen to look away from Jared. That, and Danneel hopping back in the truck sitting beside him.
Jared looks up waiting for Paige to hand him back his bird as Chad starts up the truck. The engine revs, purrs and the smoke from the exhaust makes Jared cough as it blows up into his face.
“Hey, you should come with us.” Paige smiles. Her face is warm and inviting and Jared really likes how nice she is and agrees to go.
“No way!” Christian chimes and Jensen tries to pretend that he couldn’t care either way, but really, it wouldn’t be too bad if Jared came along. He wouldn’t mind. Not really.
“Fuck you Chris, he bought the liquor, he’s coming!” Paige argues and Christian ignores her tapping on the hood for Chad to take off.
Jared pauses. He doesn’t want to go where he’s not wanted, but before he knows what’s happening Jensen is groaning and standing up.
“Give me your bike,” he grunts and Jared is too stunned to move so he doesn’t and Jensen grunts bending down to pull the rickety old bike up into the truck.
Jared tries to pretend that he doesn’t watch the way the muscles flex on Jensen’s arm as he seems to lift the bike with ease. He hopes no one notices him staring.
* * *
Every thing in this house reminds Gerry of her. Every. Fucking. Thing. She picked out the butterscotch curtains in the bedroom. She chose all the furniture. Hell, she even spent twenty years picking out Gerry’s clothes. He can’t take this…this everything. This house. This bed. This every-fucking-reminder that she’s not here anymore. His beautiful, wonderful, generous, kindhearted, sweet wife isn’t here anymore.
He goes to the kitchen and grabs a few trash bags. He doesn’t want to be reminded of her. It hurts being reminded of her and it’s already bad enough that he has to live with a constant reminder of her and the creation of the love that they once shared.
Jared’s a spitting image of his mother. Right down to the slightly upturned nose and catlike eyes that burn with simple, incorruptible goodness.
* * *
The scent of a hot summer mid-august afternoon burns around them as they speed down the seemingly endless backcountry road. The dry grass, the parched leaves on the trees and the rich scent of earth is like a welcoming hug from an old friend.
How someone can be so drunk from just three beers is a mystery to Paige, but Christian is. He’s so drunk that he’s starting to touch her breasts and she laughs pushing him away. He’s just being an idiot like always and she doesn’t get mad until he spits out some of his beer on Jared’s bird -the bird she holds in her lap.
“How’s your beer chicken-boy?” He asks Jared and Paige rolls her eyes. She hates how everyone picks on that kid. Jared’s a sweet guy, just a little quiet. Yeah, he’s a little strange, but who wouldn’t be a little off if their mother died? Jesus, he’s still a kid.
Jared tells a joke. It’s a silly joke, something about egg yolks and Paige laughs. It’s funny in only a third grade kind of way, but she’s surprised that Jensen laughs too. Usually Jensen is always so fucking serious all of the god damn time and kind of a jerk like the other guys, but today he’s not. He’s really not all that bad of a guy. He’s kind of nice when he wants to be and he’s only an ass because of what his dad does to him.
Must be hard living with a monster, she thinks.
They start up another game -just her and Jared, where they clap and sing, passing words back to each other. I smell cow shit, yes I do. I smell cow shit, how about you? And when Paige tries to pass the game over to Danneel, she rolls her eyes. Why would she play? It’s stupid and dumb.
“Hey Chad, let me sit up front with you guys,” Danneel yells. “My hair’s getting all messed up!”
Jared glances at her, decides that she’s kind of mean. There’s just something about her face that makes him think this, like her eyes are too close together and she‘s not someone to be trusted.
“Gimme that hat,” Jensen states and Jared’s unsure as to if he’s talking to him, even though Jensen’s eyes are on him. “Gimme it.”
Jared doesn’t want to take it off of his head. It’s a cheap three-dollar straw hat from the Woolworth‘s, but it was his mother’s and he doesn’t want to part with it. Only Jensen is looking at him, waiting for it and Jared can feel his stomach start to do that funny turn-flip thing where he finds himself taking the hat off and handing it to him.
He watches as Jensen smiles at Danneel, his green eyes glittering as he places the hat on her head. “There,” he says patting it down. “No more wind.” He tries to hold her close, but she pushes him away. “What’s the matter with you?” He asks and she laughs in his face.
“Get off of me -too hot!”
“You’re a fucking bitch,” he grunts. Jensen has never taken rejection well, thought for sure he would have Danneel on her knees sucking his cock within the hour.
“Oh my god! Jensen smells like cow shit!” Danneel laughs picking up the game she thought only moments earlier was beneath her.
“You do smell like shit.” Christian laughs drunkenly and Paige giggles. Their laughter pisses Jensen off. He doesn’t like to be the brunt of a joke. Who are they to make fun of him -to give him shit? He gets enough of that at home from his father.
He snatches the hat off of Danneel’s head making sure to grab a handful of her ratty, stringy dark hair as he tosses it out of the car. Fucking bitch. Should have been grateful.
“Let me out of the car,” Jensen grunts. Chad makes a joke that Jensen can’t hear as he yells again for Chad to let him out. Jared stares back at the road, watching as his mother’s hat disappears into brush becoming just a faint beige stain in the brown dirt road as they speed away.
“Can we go get it?” He asks in a panic. It’s his mama’s hat…his mama’s hat. “I wanna go get it!”
“Let me outta the damn car! I’m going home!”
“Can we go get it??”
“What’s the matter Jensen, vagina sore?” Chad teases him as he pulls over to the side of the road. Jensen doesn’t answer him. He just jumps out of the truck.
Jensen’s not surprised that Jared follows him out.
* * *
All of her pretty things sit in three bags now. All tied up and brought away from the house and out to the shed. Gerry lights a cigarette as he thinks about her. He inhales the cool menthol suffocating it inside of his lungs as he remembers Sharon’s smile. Yeah, Sherry had a beautiful smile.
* * *
“That’s why they make fun of you, you know,” Jensen grunts as he shovels a pile of hay. He doesn’t mind that Jared’s followed him back home. He kind of likes the company. “That and the chicken.”
“I know,” Jared replies solemnly petting Chiken. “I wanna go find it.”
“Forget it. It’s gone. How come you hafta act like that in front of people?”
Jensen’s question throws Jared off guard and he looks down at his hands. The milk bucket he sits on feels hard under his backside.
“I don’t know.” He states and in a softer, muffled voice says, “My mom died.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jensen sighs sympathetically as he whips his cock out to take a piss in the corner of the barn. It doesn’t even occur to him that he’s giving Jared a show until their eyes meet and Jared nervously looks away. “Big huh?” He smiles knowingly. “Most girls won’t let me fuck em when they see it.” He shakes the piss from his cock. “They get scared, afraid it’ll hurt. You gotta get em nice and wet first. Lick on their tits, rub your thumb across the clit until they get so fucking wet you can’t wipe the mess away.”
Jared smiles timidly as Jensen asks him if he’s ever fucked a girl. “No,” he mutters and Jensen grins zipping his fly and crossing the fifteen feet that separate them until only inches do.
“I like to look em in the eyes right when they feel this big dick for the first time. I did it with this one girl before -wouldn’t let me put it in her. So I kept rubbing her down there, playing with her tits -she had these big nipples, stuck out like rockets! I’d rub one between my fingers and whisper let me fuck you. Every time she’d say no I’d tug em a little -just to punish her, but you could tell that she loved it because she was wet enough to water a garden with that pussy. And I just kept licking on those round nipples and just pulling them whispering for her to let me fuck her. Then she put a hand on this big ole dick and I stuck two fingers in her pussy, whispering let me fuck you. And she just starts moaning: oh, oh, yes, oh until finally she whispers it. She says fuck me Jensen.” Jensen’s eyes go dark and they focus on Jared, stare him down, burning right through him with their intensity. Jared finds it hard to breathe because he has images of Jensen with his hand in some girl’s cunt fingering her until she cums begging to be fucked.
“Funny,” Jensen continues taking a seat on one of the crates in front of Jared. They sit so close that the tips of their knees touch and Jared looks away because Jensen stares at him, his green eyes glittering over drunkenly as he sips from a beer. “First they don’t want you to fuck them, then they‘re begging for it.”
Jared takes a deep breath, has to will himself not to get hard, but it doesn’t help. He’s as hard as a stone in a river. “Yeah, funny…”
He ventures a sneaky glance up at Jensen and just as their eyes hold the sound of a car backfiring up the road pierces through the tension Jared feels that he’s only imagining.
Jensen jumps up with a start.
“Shit, that’s my dad. Better get out there before he comes in here.”
He’s out of the door quicker than the blink of an eye. Doesn’t even hear Jared say goodbye
* * *
Laying in bed Jared replays the moment in the shed with Jensen. He remembers the story only he wraps his fist around his cock and pretends to be the girl with no name and no face. He imagines Jensen’s tongue licking, tugging his nipple, his hands cupping his balls, slowly stroking Jared’s cock to full mast whispering in his ear to let him fuck him….let me fuck you Jared.
Jared squeezes his eyes shut as he feels his toes curl and he cums between his fingers with ease and a muffled grunt. He forgets that he’s wearing his mother’s black fur coat because right now, all he can smell is Jensen’s cheap aftershave.
* * *
Gerry knocks on the door before entering. He knows his boy’s awake, it’s too early for him to be asleep. He’s going to make this quick, tell Jared that he’s going to start helping out around the farm. He doesn’t know why he’s never asked him to before, but now he will. Maybe that’ll toughen him up a bit.
“Jared,” he says gently sitting on the bed. He clutches an old lamp in his hands. It used to belong to his wife. “Where you been?” He keeps his back to his son.
Jared remembers that he’s wearing his mother’s coat, knows dad won’t be happy about it. Dad won’t get why he wears it, he’ll never understand.
“Out…with my friends.”
Gerry glances over his shoulder at Jared for only a moment. He’s shocked at hearing Jared has friends. Jared’s never has friends. There might be some hope for him after all.
“I uh…I’m gonna need you to start helping out with things around the farm.”
“Okay...”
“Yeah. So ah,” Gerry pauses holds the lamp, tenderly reaches out a hand to give it to Jared. “I think your mom would want you to have it.”
Jared is literally stunned into silence, part touched that his dad would even make such a gesture. He reaches for it without thought, throwing the covers off of him and when he sees his dad’s eyes cloud over with a breath sizing fear he remembers that he’s wearing his mother’s coat.
Dad closes his eyes and takes a breath. “No more,” he says calmly and turns the light out leaving Jared alone in the darkness.
* * *
Jensen Ackles is cleaning up the barn. Day in and day out it seems like he’s always shoveling up piles of cow shit, but today he has a little bit of company. That Padalecki kid comes walking up to the door and Jensen pretends that he doesn’t feel a sprint of warmth skitter down his spine when Jared says hello.
“What’s up.” Jensen grunts not even glancing in his direction.
“What happened to your lip?” Jared asks and from the corner of his eye Jensen sees Jared take a step towards him.
“Nothing,” he grunts turning his back to him. He’s not about to tell that fucking weird kid what really happened. How he pissed his dad off and talked back when he should have known better.
A moment of silence breathes between them as Jensen goes about his work and Jared stands there watching him, eyes transfixed on the smooth, lean muscles of Jensen’s arms. How the sleeveless tee is ripped down one of the sides and he can see bits of rib jut from beneath Jensen’s tanned skin.
“Hey, wanna get outta here?” Jensen asks suddenly tossing away the shovel. He doesn’t wait for Jared to respond. He just walks out of the barn like he knows Jared will automatically follow him.
* * *
“It’s fucked up, you know. You have this idea that your life will automatically be different when you grow up, and you start getting older and you realize it’s the same shit. Know what I mean?”
“Sort of.”
“It’s a fucking joke,” Jensen grunts as they walk, the bright Texas sun still high up in the sky and blazing like a yellowed-orange ball of fire.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Jared replies and Jensen glances at him and grins. He knows Jared’s only saying that to agree with him. Still, Jensen smiles at him, watching as Jared struggles to wheel his bike through the grass, the tires rolling wobbly across the stones that lay hidden in the fields they walk through. They really have no idea where they’re going, just walking and Jensen guesses that Jared must not be wearing comfortable shoes because after walking for about fifteen minutes Jared’s pace begins to slacken.
They get to an old fence, a fence that Jensen forgot was here and in order to cross it they’ve gotta climb it. It’s one of those old steel fences used to keep cows from grazing out of their pastures. It’s barely above five feet and it’s easy for Jensen to climb, but he hears Jared struggling behind him trying to lift his bike. Without a second thought he goes back to the fence, grunts for Jared to give him the bike and just as Jared lifts the handles up, Jensen pulls the bike over in two swift movements.
Jared watches the way the muscles in Jensen’s arms pull. He is intricately mesmerized and Jensen doesn’t notice. He’s pushing Jared’s bike along the field telling himself that he’s only doing it so the kid can walk a little faster and quit slowing him down.
Twenty minutes later they find themselves walking along the train tracks that lead above the Hutchie River. Jared peers down at the water some fifty feet below him wondering what it would feel like to jump in it. The water looks cool and on a hot Texas afternoon he knows it’ll feel good, but he’s so high up. And besides, he doesn’t have his swim trunks.
“Aren’t you gonna take your clothes off?” When Jensen says this Jared looks over at him and blushes looking away as Jensen steps out of his pants. He stands in only his white underwear, the cotton close to his body from the sweat of the day. “You not gonna swim?” He asks walking over to Jared.
Jensen knows he’s making Jared uncomfortable and he has an idea as to why, but no…he’s probably wrong and really, he just thinks it’s fun watching Jared squirm because his ears get all pink.
“I don’t have any trunks…” Jared says. The sun shines in his eyes and as he lifts his hand up to the clouds he feels arms wrapping around his waist. He can smell Jensen and he revels in his scent, soaks up the warmth from his body even in this ninety-two degree weather and he doesn’t scream until he feels Jensen push him off the tracks and down into the cool river.
The water pulls Jared under with a fierce quickness. He can feel his heart slamming in his chest and just as he swims to the surface Jensen cannonballs and splashes into the water with a yelp.
“ Are you crazy?” Jared yells as he doggy paddles to keep afloat.
Jensen swims toward him with a lazy grin. “Aw come on, that wasn’t so bad.” He smiles and Jared shakes the water out of his hair.
“I guess not,” he laughs softly and Jensen splashes him.
They play for a moment, Jensen ducking under the water and grabbing Jared’s ankles pulling him under. Jared tries to push him away, but under water it’s like Jensen is the strongest man on earth and he holds him tight, pulling him further and further down until Jared manages to kick free and swims back to the surface.
“You trying to kill me or something?” He laughs as Jensen surfaces.
“Naw Padalecki, never would try to kill you.” He smiles and the way the sun hits Jensen’s face makes Jared lose his breath.
* * *
There’s a spot under the tracks that Jensen usually goes to escape from life. It’s just above the river and you have to climb a few rocks to get to it, but when you do, you can sit on the rafters and just watch the water flow beneath you. It’s a calm and quiet place that no one knows about and Jensen isn’t sure why he’s taking Jared here, but he is and when Jared looks around, watching as the pretty green-blue water flows beneath them Jensen smiles at the look of wonder in his eyes.
“Pretty ain’t it?” Jensen says standing on the rafters pulling himself up with one of the beams maneuvering to the edge where he keeps a pack of smokes hidden wedged between two planks.
“Yeah,” Jared mumbles watching as the gray scales of whitefish moves through the water. It’s like there’s this whole new world under here that Jared’s never known about. “Ever take a girl here before?” He asks suddenly and he’s so mesmerized by the school of fish that push through the river that he doesn’t notice the half-smirk that tilts Jensen’s face.
“Fuck no,” he laughs lighting up a cigarette. “You should take your clothes off. They’ll dry faster.” He says and Jared nods, turns his back as he peels off his green t-shirt. He steps out of his jeans slowly careful to hold onto the rafters so he doesn’t fall in until he’s standing in only his underwear feeling shy and uncomfortable. His body doesn’t look like Jensen’s. They’re the same height -exactly the same height despite the four-year age difference, but Jensen’s body is more defined, whereas Jared is mostly skin and bone.
They’re quiet for a while. The sound of the water flowing makes Jared want to sleep and he sits leaning his back against one of the beams oblivious to the way Jensen watches him as he inhales his cigarette smoke.
Jensen Ackles finds something oddly interesting about Jared Padalecki. He finds the fact that he’s not really finding him to be all that odd weird, but it’s true. Jared’s not really all that bad. No, not at all and he’s actually kind of funny too -for a kid that is.
“Jared!” A singsong voice yells from above their heads. It’s Chad Michael Murray’s voice and Jared looks fearfully over to Jensen. Jensen stands, twists his body through the beams careful not to miss stepping on the rafters as he moves closer to Jared. When he reaches them he practically falls into his lap as he slides across him shushing him to keep quiet as he hears Chad, Jason and Christian all calling out Jared’s name. They know Jared is here somewhere, his bike is still sitting on the tracks.
“Chicken-boy, where are you?” Christian laughs and a moment later Jared’s bike is thrown into the river.
“My bike,” Jared hisses and Jensen urges him quiet, stares up at the tracks through the beams. They hear the ding of a bell and the rumble of an approaching train breaks the mood and above their heads, Jensen and Jared can hear Christian, Chad and Jason swearing as they take off on foot trying to get off the tracks before the train crosses.
Jensen finds this hilarious as he stands pulling himself up. He looks up through the peaks of light that bleed through the planks and he smiles glancing quickly down to Jared before looking back up.
Jensen’s bicep is two inches from Jared’s face. He bets if he licks his lips, he’ll be able to taste the salt off of Jensen’s skin. Of course, Jared won’t do that because even he knows that’s weird. But the muscle moves and Jared’s not sure what compels him, but before he can stop himself he finds his hand curling around Jensen’s bicep. He just wants to feel it…to touch it, but before he can get a good grip, Jensen flinches away.
The look he gives Jared is a troubled one and Jared is sure that Jensen’s gonna deck him and call him a fag.
But he doesn’t.
“Big huh?” Jensen smirks flexing a muscle.
“Yeah,” Jared whispers and hugs his arms around his body. He hopes his clothes will be dry soon.
“Come on, let’s get your bike out of the water.”
[GO TO PART TWO]
OR
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*comments disabled, please leave your comments at the end of the story.*
reel_spn
Author: apostrophee archived at
maddys_slash
Movie Adapted : [The Mudge Boy]
Genre: Slash; Angst
Characters/Pairings: Jared Padalecki / Jensen Ackles, Christian Kane, Chad Michael Murray, Jason Manns, OFC, Danneel Harris
Summary: Jared’s got a secret.
Rating: Strong R for mature situations.
Word Count: 13,130
Warnings: UNDERAGE Jared 14; Jensen 18 GRAPHIC NON-CON!!!!
Notes/Credits: If you seen the movie, I stayed pretty true to it, but I added my own ending and if you’ve never seen the movie, hopefully you’ll enjoy this as an Alt. Verse. There is a graphic scene of rape, but it's not glorified in anyway! Thank you to
riorhapsody for the beta / hand-holding / French braiding of my hair. I adore you.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended; fair use only. Not created for profit.
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The boy up the road....
He parts his dark chestnut hair straight down the middle. Smooth, sharp like an arrow, nice and neat. Mama used to love Jared’s hair this way, said it made him look respectable, showed people just what a nice young man she was raising him into being. Jared thinks of this as he fixes his tie staring at himself in the mirror. He’s too skinny and too tall; his arms have been hanging awkwardly from his body like winding tree limbs ever since the growth spurt. He’s just turned fourteen a month ago, but mama missed that birthday. She died on the first of July. Had a heart attack while riding her bike down Miller’s road on her way to the market to give Hank a dozen eggs as a ‘thank you’ for fixing one of the tractors on the farm.
Jared blames himself. Thinks that if he were a better son then maybe she wouldn’t have up and died on him…left him. She was his only friend. He knows she passed on because of her bad heart, but still, he blames himself. He thinks dad must blame him too because dad doesn’t look at him much anymore these days and when he does it’s always with a scowl, like he gets a bad taste in his mouth that his tongue can’t lick away. His once tender blue eyes full of laughter and smiles now burn unkind like something wicked and full of disdain has darkened them.
“Put that damn bird outside,” dad says gruffly across the table. Won’t even look at Jared for more than a second before his eyes skirt back down to his bowl of hot cereal. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
“Bu-bu-but I like holding her,” Jared stutters. He hates the way dad won’t look at him and worse he hates the way dad does look at him. Like he’s embarrassed or ashamed. Like there‘s just something wrong with Jared.
Jared’s too quiet for it to be healthy. The teachers up at the high school all think that he has a learning disability. They keep giving him tests to prove themselves right, but each time he passes, excels. He doesn’t have many friends -not a one, not even a teacher or one of the janitors and most days he keeps to himself, always eats lunch alone. Only ever speaks when spoken to and even then he keeps his responses short and tangled, like he’s too afraid to speak above a mumbled whisper. The other kids make fun of him, say he smells like chicken shit and they ask him crude things like if he’s ever stuck his pecker inside of one. He always carries around that one bird, the stupid one his mother named Chiken. Chiken was her favorite chicken and now that she’s gone, Jared thinks that he has to take care of it just so it won’t miss his mother much. He misses mama. He misses her something awful that sometimes he’ll curl up in bed with one of her old fur coats and pretend that it’s her wrapping him up with her love and he’ll swear it’ll feel just the same, all feathery soft and smelling like sweet things.
“I’m not gonna tell you again Jared. Put that bird down while you’re eating your food.”
“But I-”
“Damn it boy,” dad yells pounding his fist on the table. He slams it down so hard that the silverware falls to the floor with a clinking crash of stainless steel against linoleum. “Would you just listen?”
Jared sits Chiken down on the floor gently nudging her away from the table and away from dad’s wrath. Jared doesn’t think dad will hurt her, but dad hasn’t been the same since mama died and Jared won’t put anything past him.
* * *
Pastor Michaels asks Jared to sing the solo in church today. Jared doesn’t have a good voice, but that doesn’t stop him from putting his whole heart into it. It doesn’t matter that he can look out into the small gathering of people, stare at the faces of some of the guys he’s known since he was knee high to a bulldog and see how they laugh at him. Everyone always laughs at him. Nothing new. Jared Tristian Padalecki is that weird kid that never seems to know the difference between the right kind of words and the wrong kind that don‘t make much sense.
Jensen Ackles sits with his mother in the third pew. His dark blonde hair is cut short, closely cropped to his head accentuating all the sharp angles of his smooth, work hardened freckled face. His lips are soft, pink and full and when he was younger, kids used to make fun of him, said he had a girl’s mouth. He’s eighteen and wants to take over the world only he doesn’t have any skills besides shoveling cow manure. Jensen thinks he’ll wind up an old, bitter, alcoholic prick like his father is. He’ll probably be like all the men in his family and never leave this piece of shit Texas town where there’s only two stop lights and every store closes before nine p.m. Jensen’s little sister looks just as bored as he feels and really, he wishes he could be back at home with his father sipping on a beer and watching the game, but he knew if given the choice he preferred being bored for three hours pretending to listen to the reverend go on and on about how the sins of the flesh were oh so wrong and every just man falls down seven times before being saved and blah, blah, blah.
Yeah. Whatever.
That Padalecki guy is singing again and Jensen finds this hilarious. That kid is just so strange. The way he’s always staring at him, watching him when he talks. It kind of bothers Jensen, but not enough for him to ever say anything about it. Truth is, he does feel kind of bad for him. Hell, the kid’s mother just fucking dropped dead not even a full two months ago, but hell, Jared just makes it too easy to laugh at him and Jensen can’t help it. Not even when his mother shoots him a pleading look for him to be quiet. It doesn’t help that Jason, Chad and Christian are sitting in the pew behind him with their parents and Jensen can hear them cracking up too.
When the service finally ends Jensen stands impatiently beside his mother as she chats up one of her friends. He doesn’t hide his annoyance and he grunts and sighs, asks her when the fuck can they go home until Donna looks at him with sad round hazel eyes and asks for a minute, just a minute please. Jensen can still see the bruise around her left eye that has yet to heal and he thinks of his father for a moment. Thinks of how dark liquor turns him into a dark asshole and he’s determined not to be that, not to his mother so he slinks away to the basement where it’s cool and he can catch a quick smoke without any of the ‘good ole church folk’ seeing him.
* * *
Mackenzie June Ackles is ten years old, thinks the sun rises and falls every time Jared Padalecki breathes. She giggles with only the innocent excitement a child can have as he chases her around the lawn dressed in her Sunday best. Jared always plays tag with her whenever she asks, not like the other big kids from the high school who look at her like she‘s a dumb kid in all the special education classes. Her brother Jensen won’t even play with her, always yelling for her to move out of the way of this and from in front of that. Jared never yells at her and she loves him for it. One day, Mackenzie would like to marry him.
“Quit running.” Dad’s voice drips with warning as he catches Jared by the arm mid-sprint. Jared is just as tall as dad, but dad is wider in the shoulders and Jared knows that he should listen. He twists out of dad’s grasp and stands near waiting for dad to finish talking to the widow Peters.
“I’m so sorry about your mother,” the widow says. Jared really hates how people keep saying that to him. Over and over I’m so sorry. Like their apologies can bring her back or like they mean anything.
“Yeah, okay.” He only speaks because he feels like he should.
“Has anybody seen Jensen?” Donna asks and her eyes fall to Jared’s. Jared has known the Ackles’ family for as long as he can remember. They live two miles up the road and own a dairy farm. Dad says the cows up there are no good and it’s a wonder that they’re still making any kind of money, but judging from the holes in little Mackenzie’s dress, Jared thinks that maybe they’re not making much of any kind.
“I know where he is,” Jared announces and he takes off running. “I’ll get him!” He knows where Jensen went because he watched him all morning. He doesn’t know what these feelings he has mean, but there’s something about Jensen’s face that makes Jared feel all confused, compels him to stare, so he does.
Jared calls out Jensen’s name softly as he descends the steps to the basement. It’s empty down here, not a soul to be found and Jared thinks for a moment that maybe he was mistaken. Maybe Jensen’s not really down here. He turns to leave -gotta tell Mrs. Ackles that Jensen isn’t here- but then he hears a sound coming from the bathroom. A funny sound like a sigh caught between a pant and a moan.
“God you’ve got beautiful tits. Come on, let me stick it in,” a voice whispers. “God you’re sexy.” It’s Jensen’s voice and Jared finds himself floating towards the closed door where he’s heard it. He just stands there listening, too afraid to announce his presence.
There‘s a thump, like the crashing of a head against the wall and the girl laughs. “You being serious?” She asks.
“Yeah,” Jensen grunts. “Take off your panties.”
“Oh God, Jensen you’re all sweaty….come on, not in church J.R., not in church!”
“Come on Paige, come on. Real quick-”
“Jensen,” Jared says knocking on the door. He can hear Jensen curse and the girl groans like she’s half-annoyed, but partially relieved by the interruption. “Um, your mom’s looking-”
“What is it Jay?” Jensen opens the door with his cock heat flushed pink, hard and sticking out of the fly of his boxers like some angry, red thing that makes Jared look away uncomfortably. Paige Mueller stands behind Jensen struggling to pull her shirt down across the rolls of fat that sit at her sides. Paige is a short, plump girl with a bulbous nose, loud mouth, pale, pale skin and dull brown hair. She’s not very pretty, but she’s pretty easy to get into. Everyone in town knows that her parents sell pot and are the kind of people that don’t really give a damn about anyone or anything except for themselves. Hippies. Jared thinks Paige is a sweet girl despite this, the only one of the older kids who don’t make much fun of him, but sometimes she looks sad. Like she needs someone to tell her that she’s important, only no one ever does. Maybe that’s why she sleeps with so many guys.
“Um, your mom’s looking for you. Says you gotta go home now.” Jared says softly and Paige nervously pushes past Jensen knocking his shoulder into Jared’s. The contact makes something warm flutter throughout Jared’s chest and he takes a step back.
“Hi Jared,” Paige says briefly looking into his eyes tucking her hair behind her ears brushing past him.
“Hi,” Jared mumbles. “Jensen your mom’s ready to-”
“Yeah, I heard you,” Jensen interjects. He stuffs his dick back inside of his boxers and pulls his jeans up. With a self-important dismissive grunt he waves Jared off. “Tell her I’ll be a right there -gotta take a piss.”
The door slams in Jared’s face and it takes him a moment to gather up the sense to leave.
* * *
Gerry Padalecki watches as the Mann’s boy and the Kane’s boy make fun of his son, calling him chicken-boy as they load up to leave the church parking lot. He should step in, tell the kids to go on and leave him alone. Today is the day for the Lord and nothing else, but he doesn’t. It’s just boys being boys, just a little harmless fun. Jared needs to learn how to defend himself anyway, needs to stand up and be a man. He’s only fourteen, but it’s never too early to learn such things.
Such things are important.
* * *
Jared hates dad’s macaroni. He always uses too much cheese and not enough milk so lumps of sharp cheddar coagulate between the noodles leaving everything to taste bitter. He eats it anyway, pretends that it’s good as he looks across the table at dad, wishing that he’d say something.
“This is good,” Jared lies. He just wants to make conversation. He just wants dad to talk to him. No one ever talks to him.
“Yeah.” Dad mutters shoveling another forkful into his mouth.
The silence is thick, thick and heavy like winter blankets and Jared wants to rip it away like a half-healed scab.
“So Jared, how was school today?” Jared asks himself in the voice of his mother. “Oh, it was good mom. Mrs. Herman thinks I should be skipped to tenth-”
“Cut it out,” Jared’s father grunts and Jared ignores him. Keeps having his imaginary conversation where his mother now addresses his father.
“Gerry, I‘m gonna need you to fix the tires on one of the bikes. The wheels keep turning-”
Jared’s father slams his fist down on the table. “ENOUGH,” he yells.
He does look at Jared as he says this, but the look he gives him is a murderous one that makes Jared’s blood run cold.
Why does his dad hate him so much? What did he ever do to him besides live?
* * *
Jensen’s busy shoveling hay in the barn. Bundle after bundle he lays it down for the cows to eat and to cover up the pungent smell of their waste. He hates this job, hates how his father is too god damn busy drinking himself into an early grave to give a damn about the farm anymore. So Jensen does all the work, makes sure the cows stay fed and fat. Makes sure that their milk gets pumped and even handles the orders and shipments.
He can hear someone talking outside of the barn and he knows that voice. Knows it’s that weird kid from up the road. He sneaks a peak from the corner of the door, watches as Jared pets Cassie’s wet nose. Cass’s a pretty good old heifer, can’t produce much milk anymore, but she’s friendly and they keep her around just because of that. Really, Jensen knows his dad’s waiting for her to just get a little bigger and then he’s gonna send her off to the butcher, but Jensen pretends that he doesn’t know what he does. He’s not supposed to get attached to the animals anyway.
“She’ll suck your dick if you let her,” Jensen teases with a grin coming out from behind the door. He chuckles a bit to himself as he watches Jared flinch at the sound of his voice retracting his hand from Cass’s snout as if it were fire and he wipes the flames away on his shirt.
“Well, I wouldn’t,” Jared replies seriously.
Jensen eyes him carefully. “I was just kidding,” he says and he finds it a little unsettling that Jared won’t look him in the eye.
That kid is just odd. What’s he doing at his house anyway?
* * *
The smell of August is ripe in the air. It’s a dry and sweet kind of smell that makes Jared remember all of the summer time days he’d spend with his mother inside the chicken coops singing to the birds and laying down cornmeal into their food. Mama used to say that a happy chicken is a chicken that feels loved and the more a chicken feels loved the more eggs it’ll lay.
Dad tells Jared that he doesn’t need his help today. Dad never needs his help around the farm. Jared wishes that he did. The only thing he has to do is keep the birds fed and now that that’s done, he has nothing else to do. So Jared packs up Chiken, puts her along with his mother’s old hat in the basket in front of his bike and he takes off. The general store is two miles west and maybe a cola will help the day pass a little quicker.
* * *
It’s just another lazy Texas afternoon and they’re all trying to score some booze. Jensen hops in the back of Chad Murray’s pick up truck, sits beside Christian. Paige won’t look at him. Fuck her, she’s just another easy bitch he thinks. Too good to talk to him so screw her. Danneel’s there and she’s smiling. Her brown eyes look heavy and Jensen can smell the weed on her breath when she lays her head on his shoulder. She feels nice. He could probably have some fun with her.
“There’s that Jared kid. Look at him, always with that fucking chicken,” Christian grunts as they pull up in front of the general store. None of them are a day over eighteen, but that doesn’t matter, Miss Lucy will sell booze to any girl whose tits are bigger than a mouthful and any guy with a bit of scruff on his face. She’s too old to care about a drunk sixteen-year-old when she has bills to pay. Money is money.
“Shit, I’m out of cash,” Chad says as he hops out of the truck. “You guys got some cash?” He looks at Christian expectantly because Kane’s always the one that buys. He’s the only one with a steady job, works pumping gas and doesn’t make much, but he lives at home so what he does make he can spend freely.
“Nada bro. I’m tapped out until payday next week.” Christian sighs.
“Fuck,” Chad grunts looks over to Jason who sits shotgun. “Mann?”
“Sorry dude, broke too.”
“I…I got some money.” The voice is soft, almost meek and Jensen grits his teeth. Why does that Padalecki kid always have to draw attention to himself? Doesn’t he know by now he’s just opening himself up to get picked on? He makes it easy. So. Fucking. Easy.
“What you say chicken-boy?” Chad walks over to him with a grin. The sun catches Chad’s blonde hair and it’s so bright that Jared looks away. In another kind of life, Chad could have probably been a movie star because his looks are so good.
“I said I-I got some money…you know…” Jared says digging into his pocket. He takes out a crumpled ten-dollar bill that Chad snatches away expressing his gratitude with a sneering smirk as he and Jason walk into Miss Lucy’s Place. Danneel calls out for someone to bring her a bag of corn chips and knowing that they won’t she hops out of the truck and follows them in.
Jared feels an odd sense of acceptance, like he‘s being included into something that he hasn‘t really been invited to. It’s not real, but he’ll take it.
“Jared bring your chicken over here,” Paige calls out to him. Jared smiles as he wheels his bike over to the red, dirt-wash pickup truck. “She is so cute,” Paige exclaims reaching out for the bird. “Can I hold her.”
“Sure,” Jared smiles.
“Hey, who cut your hair Jar-head? Your grandma?” Christian teases and Jensen laughs taking note of how perfectly sharp and straight Jared’s haircut looks. How the bane is cut just above the brow and how it’s a little longer, but just as precise in the back. It’s unlike Christian’s messy tangle of long, unkempt brown locks and Jensen’s short, yet scruffy mane.
“No, my dad….” Jared trails off and looks away.
Jensen keeps laughing even though he feels kind of bad about it. It’s just that Jared…that Jared is just so weird.
“Aw, she is so sweet,” Paige coos. “What’s her name?”
“Chiken. Me and my mom ordered a box of chicks in the mail and they were all supposed Rhode Island reds and girls only one was a rooster and one turned out to be white. We just kept Chiken as the pet. She was mom’s favorite.” Jared trails off, feels himself getting sad thinking about mama.
Jensen stares at him, something in his chest goes tight as he watches Jared’s face twist.
“Your mom was so pretty.” Paige states softly.
Jared looks up at her thankfully. “Yeah…”
Christian glances over to Jensen and takes in how he stares at Jared. He feels uncomfortable because there is something penetrating about the way Jensen looks at the younger boy and Christian looks away, thankful that Chad and Jason are coming back out to the car with the beer.
The noise they make is what finally causes Jensen to look away from Jared. That, and Danneel hopping back in the truck sitting beside him.
Jared looks up waiting for Paige to hand him back his bird as Chad starts up the truck. The engine revs, purrs and the smoke from the exhaust makes Jared cough as it blows up into his face.
“Hey, you should come with us.” Paige smiles. Her face is warm and inviting and Jared really likes how nice she is and agrees to go.
“No way!” Christian chimes and Jensen tries to pretend that he couldn’t care either way, but really, it wouldn’t be too bad if Jared came along. He wouldn’t mind. Not really.
“Fuck you Chris, he bought the liquor, he’s coming!” Paige argues and Christian ignores her tapping on the hood for Chad to take off.
Jared pauses. He doesn’t want to go where he’s not wanted, but before he knows what’s happening Jensen is groaning and standing up.
“Give me your bike,” he grunts and Jared is too stunned to move so he doesn’t and Jensen grunts bending down to pull the rickety old bike up into the truck.
Jared tries to pretend that he doesn’t watch the way the muscles flex on Jensen’s arm as he seems to lift the bike with ease. He hopes no one notices him staring.
* * *
Every thing in this house reminds Gerry of her. Every. Fucking. Thing. She picked out the butterscotch curtains in the bedroom. She chose all the furniture. Hell, she even spent twenty years picking out Gerry’s clothes. He can’t take this…this everything. This house. This bed. This every-fucking-reminder that she’s not here anymore. His beautiful, wonderful, generous, kindhearted, sweet wife isn’t here anymore.
He goes to the kitchen and grabs a few trash bags. He doesn’t want to be reminded of her. It hurts being reminded of her and it’s already bad enough that he has to live with a constant reminder of her and the creation of the love that they once shared.
Jared’s a spitting image of his mother. Right down to the slightly upturned nose and catlike eyes that burn with simple, incorruptible goodness.
* * *
The scent of a hot summer mid-august afternoon burns around them as they speed down the seemingly endless backcountry road. The dry grass, the parched leaves on the trees and the rich scent of earth is like a welcoming hug from an old friend.
How someone can be so drunk from just three beers is a mystery to Paige, but Christian is. He’s so drunk that he’s starting to touch her breasts and she laughs pushing him away. He’s just being an idiot like always and she doesn’t get mad until he spits out some of his beer on Jared’s bird -the bird she holds in her lap.
“How’s your beer chicken-boy?” He asks Jared and Paige rolls her eyes. She hates how everyone picks on that kid. Jared’s a sweet guy, just a little quiet. Yeah, he’s a little strange, but who wouldn’t be a little off if their mother died? Jesus, he’s still a kid.
Jared tells a joke. It’s a silly joke, something about egg yolks and Paige laughs. It’s funny in only a third grade kind of way, but she’s surprised that Jensen laughs too. Usually Jensen is always so fucking serious all of the god damn time and kind of a jerk like the other guys, but today he’s not. He’s really not all that bad of a guy. He’s kind of nice when he wants to be and he’s only an ass because of what his dad does to him.
Must be hard living with a monster, she thinks.
They start up another game -just her and Jared, where they clap and sing, passing words back to each other. I smell cow shit, yes I do. I smell cow shit, how about you? And when Paige tries to pass the game over to Danneel, she rolls her eyes. Why would she play? It’s stupid and dumb.
“Hey Chad, let me sit up front with you guys,” Danneel yells. “My hair’s getting all messed up!”
Jared glances at her, decides that she’s kind of mean. There’s just something about her face that makes him think this, like her eyes are too close together and she‘s not someone to be trusted.
“Gimme that hat,” Jensen states and Jared’s unsure as to if he’s talking to him, even though Jensen’s eyes are on him. “Gimme it.”
Jared doesn’t want to take it off of his head. It’s a cheap three-dollar straw hat from the Woolworth‘s, but it was his mother’s and he doesn’t want to part with it. Only Jensen is looking at him, waiting for it and Jared can feel his stomach start to do that funny turn-flip thing where he finds himself taking the hat off and handing it to him.
He watches as Jensen smiles at Danneel, his green eyes glittering as he places the hat on her head. “There,” he says patting it down. “No more wind.” He tries to hold her close, but she pushes him away. “What’s the matter with you?” He asks and she laughs in his face.
“Get off of me -too hot!”
“You’re a fucking bitch,” he grunts. Jensen has never taken rejection well, thought for sure he would have Danneel on her knees sucking his cock within the hour.
“Oh my god! Jensen smells like cow shit!” Danneel laughs picking up the game she thought only moments earlier was beneath her.
“You do smell like shit.” Christian laughs drunkenly and Paige giggles. Their laughter pisses Jensen off. He doesn’t like to be the brunt of a joke. Who are they to make fun of him -to give him shit? He gets enough of that at home from his father.
He snatches the hat off of Danneel’s head making sure to grab a handful of her ratty, stringy dark hair as he tosses it out of the car. Fucking bitch. Should have been grateful.
“Let me out of the car,” Jensen grunts. Chad makes a joke that Jensen can’t hear as he yells again for Chad to let him out. Jared stares back at the road, watching as his mother’s hat disappears into brush becoming just a faint beige stain in the brown dirt road as they speed away.
“Can we go get it?” He asks in a panic. It’s his mama’s hat…his mama’s hat. “I wanna go get it!”
“Let me outta the damn car! I’m going home!”
“Can we go get it??”
“What’s the matter Jensen, vagina sore?” Chad teases him as he pulls over to the side of the road. Jensen doesn’t answer him. He just jumps out of the truck.
Jensen’s not surprised that Jared follows him out.
* * *
All of her pretty things sit in three bags now. All tied up and brought away from the house and out to the shed. Gerry lights a cigarette as he thinks about her. He inhales the cool menthol suffocating it inside of his lungs as he remembers Sharon’s smile. Yeah, Sherry had a beautiful smile.
* * *
“That’s why they make fun of you, you know,” Jensen grunts as he shovels a pile of hay. He doesn’t mind that Jared’s followed him back home. He kind of likes the company. “That and the chicken.”
“I know,” Jared replies solemnly petting Chiken. “I wanna go find it.”
“Forget it. It’s gone. How come you hafta act like that in front of people?”
Jensen’s question throws Jared off guard and he looks down at his hands. The milk bucket he sits on feels hard under his backside.
“I don’t know.” He states and in a softer, muffled voice says, “My mom died.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jensen sighs sympathetically as he whips his cock out to take a piss in the corner of the barn. It doesn’t even occur to him that he’s giving Jared a show until their eyes meet and Jared nervously looks away. “Big huh?” He smiles knowingly. “Most girls won’t let me fuck em when they see it.” He shakes the piss from his cock. “They get scared, afraid it’ll hurt. You gotta get em nice and wet first. Lick on their tits, rub your thumb across the clit until they get so fucking wet you can’t wipe the mess away.”
Jared smiles timidly as Jensen asks him if he’s ever fucked a girl. “No,” he mutters and Jensen grins zipping his fly and crossing the fifteen feet that separate them until only inches do.
“I like to look em in the eyes right when they feel this big dick for the first time. I did it with this one girl before -wouldn’t let me put it in her. So I kept rubbing her down there, playing with her tits -she had these big nipples, stuck out like rockets! I’d rub one between my fingers and whisper let me fuck you. Every time she’d say no I’d tug em a little -just to punish her, but you could tell that she loved it because she was wet enough to water a garden with that pussy. And I just kept licking on those round nipples and just pulling them whispering for her to let me fuck her. Then she put a hand on this big ole dick and I stuck two fingers in her pussy, whispering let me fuck you. And she just starts moaning: oh, oh, yes, oh until finally she whispers it. She says fuck me Jensen.” Jensen’s eyes go dark and they focus on Jared, stare him down, burning right through him with their intensity. Jared finds it hard to breathe because he has images of Jensen with his hand in some girl’s cunt fingering her until she cums begging to be fucked.
“Funny,” Jensen continues taking a seat on one of the crates in front of Jared. They sit so close that the tips of their knees touch and Jared looks away because Jensen stares at him, his green eyes glittering over drunkenly as he sips from a beer. “First they don’t want you to fuck them, then they‘re begging for it.”
Jared takes a deep breath, has to will himself not to get hard, but it doesn’t help. He’s as hard as a stone in a river. “Yeah, funny…”
He ventures a sneaky glance up at Jensen and just as their eyes hold the sound of a car backfiring up the road pierces through the tension Jared feels that he’s only imagining.
Jensen jumps up with a start.
“Shit, that’s my dad. Better get out there before he comes in here.”
He’s out of the door quicker than the blink of an eye. Doesn’t even hear Jared say goodbye
* * *
Laying in bed Jared replays the moment in the shed with Jensen. He remembers the story only he wraps his fist around his cock and pretends to be the girl with no name and no face. He imagines Jensen’s tongue licking, tugging his nipple, his hands cupping his balls, slowly stroking Jared’s cock to full mast whispering in his ear to let him fuck him….let me fuck you Jared.
Jared squeezes his eyes shut as he feels his toes curl and he cums between his fingers with ease and a muffled grunt. He forgets that he’s wearing his mother’s black fur coat because right now, all he can smell is Jensen’s cheap aftershave.
* * *
Gerry knocks on the door before entering. He knows his boy’s awake, it’s too early for him to be asleep. He’s going to make this quick, tell Jared that he’s going to start helping out around the farm. He doesn’t know why he’s never asked him to before, but now he will. Maybe that’ll toughen him up a bit.
“Jared,” he says gently sitting on the bed. He clutches an old lamp in his hands. It used to belong to his wife. “Where you been?” He keeps his back to his son.
Jared remembers that he’s wearing his mother’s coat, knows dad won’t be happy about it. Dad won’t get why he wears it, he’ll never understand.
“Out…with my friends.”
Gerry glances over his shoulder at Jared for only a moment. He’s shocked at hearing Jared has friends. Jared’s never has friends. There might be some hope for him after all.
“I uh…I’m gonna need you to start helping out with things around the farm.”
“Okay...”
“Yeah. So ah,” Gerry pauses holds the lamp, tenderly reaches out a hand to give it to Jared. “I think your mom would want you to have it.”
Jared is literally stunned into silence, part touched that his dad would even make such a gesture. He reaches for it without thought, throwing the covers off of him and when he sees his dad’s eyes cloud over with a breath sizing fear he remembers that he’s wearing his mother’s coat.
Dad closes his eyes and takes a breath. “No more,” he says calmly and turns the light out leaving Jared alone in the darkness.
* * *
Jensen Ackles is cleaning up the barn. Day in and day out it seems like he’s always shoveling up piles of cow shit, but today he has a little bit of company. That Padalecki kid comes walking up to the door and Jensen pretends that he doesn’t feel a sprint of warmth skitter down his spine when Jared says hello.
“What’s up.” Jensen grunts not even glancing in his direction.
“What happened to your lip?” Jared asks and from the corner of his eye Jensen sees Jared take a step towards him.
“Nothing,” he grunts turning his back to him. He’s not about to tell that fucking weird kid what really happened. How he pissed his dad off and talked back when he should have known better.
A moment of silence breathes between them as Jensen goes about his work and Jared stands there watching him, eyes transfixed on the smooth, lean muscles of Jensen’s arms. How the sleeveless tee is ripped down one of the sides and he can see bits of rib jut from beneath Jensen’s tanned skin.
“Hey, wanna get outta here?” Jensen asks suddenly tossing away the shovel. He doesn’t wait for Jared to respond. He just walks out of the barn like he knows Jared will automatically follow him.
* * *
“It’s fucked up, you know. You have this idea that your life will automatically be different when you grow up, and you start getting older and you realize it’s the same shit. Know what I mean?”
“Sort of.”
“It’s a fucking joke,” Jensen grunts as they walk, the bright Texas sun still high up in the sky and blazing like a yellowed-orange ball of fire.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Jared replies and Jensen glances at him and grins. He knows Jared’s only saying that to agree with him. Still, Jensen smiles at him, watching as Jared struggles to wheel his bike through the grass, the tires rolling wobbly across the stones that lay hidden in the fields they walk through. They really have no idea where they’re going, just walking and Jensen guesses that Jared must not be wearing comfortable shoes because after walking for about fifteen minutes Jared’s pace begins to slacken.
They get to an old fence, a fence that Jensen forgot was here and in order to cross it they’ve gotta climb it. It’s one of those old steel fences used to keep cows from grazing out of their pastures. It’s barely above five feet and it’s easy for Jensen to climb, but he hears Jared struggling behind him trying to lift his bike. Without a second thought he goes back to the fence, grunts for Jared to give him the bike and just as Jared lifts the handles up, Jensen pulls the bike over in two swift movements.
Jared watches the way the muscles in Jensen’s arms pull. He is intricately mesmerized and Jensen doesn’t notice. He’s pushing Jared’s bike along the field telling himself that he’s only doing it so the kid can walk a little faster and quit slowing him down.
Twenty minutes later they find themselves walking along the train tracks that lead above the Hutchie River. Jared peers down at the water some fifty feet below him wondering what it would feel like to jump in it. The water looks cool and on a hot Texas afternoon he knows it’ll feel good, but he’s so high up. And besides, he doesn’t have his swim trunks.
“Aren’t you gonna take your clothes off?” When Jensen says this Jared looks over at him and blushes looking away as Jensen steps out of his pants. He stands in only his white underwear, the cotton close to his body from the sweat of the day. “You not gonna swim?” He asks walking over to Jared.
Jensen knows he’s making Jared uncomfortable and he has an idea as to why, but no…he’s probably wrong and really, he just thinks it’s fun watching Jared squirm because his ears get all pink.
“I don’t have any trunks…” Jared says. The sun shines in his eyes and as he lifts his hand up to the clouds he feels arms wrapping around his waist. He can smell Jensen and he revels in his scent, soaks up the warmth from his body even in this ninety-two degree weather and he doesn’t scream until he feels Jensen push him off the tracks and down into the cool river.
The water pulls Jared under with a fierce quickness. He can feel his heart slamming in his chest and just as he swims to the surface Jensen cannonballs and splashes into the water with a yelp.
“ Are you crazy?” Jared yells as he doggy paddles to keep afloat.
Jensen swims toward him with a lazy grin. “Aw come on, that wasn’t so bad.” He smiles and Jared shakes the water out of his hair.
“I guess not,” he laughs softly and Jensen splashes him.
They play for a moment, Jensen ducking under the water and grabbing Jared’s ankles pulling him under. Jared tries to push him away, but under water it’s like Jensen is the strongest man on earth and he holds him tight, pulling him further and further down until Jared manages to kick free and swims back to the surface.
“You trying to kill me or something?” He laughs as Jensen surfaces.
“Naw Padalecki, never would try to kill you.” He smiles and the way the sun hits Jensen’s face makes Jared lose his breath.
* * *
There’s a spot under the tracks that Jensen usually goes to escape from life. It’s just above the river and you have to climb a few rocks to get to it, but when you do, you can sit on the rafters and just watch the water flow beneath you. It’s a calm and quiet place that no one knows about and Jensen isn’t sure why he’s taking Jared here, but he is and when Jared looks around, watching as the pretty green-blue water flows beneath them Jensen smiles at the look of wonder in his eyes.
“Pretty ain’t it?” Jensen says standing on the rafters pulling himself up with one of the beams maneuvering to the edge where he keeps a pack of smokes hidden wedged between two planks.
“Yeah,” Jared mumbles watching as the gray scales of whitefish moves through the water. It’s like there’s this whole new world under here that Jared’s never known about. “Ever take a girl here before?” He asks suddenly and he’s so mesmerized by the school of fish that push through the river that he doesn’t notice the half-smirk that tilts Jensen’s face.
“Fuck no,” he laughs lighting up a cigarette. “You should take your clothes off. They’ll dry faster.” He says and Jared nods, turns his back as he peels off his green t-shirt. He steps out of his jeans slowly careful to hold onto the rafters so he doesn’t fall in until he’s standing in only his underwear feeling shy and uncomfortable. His body doesn’t look like Jensen’s. They’re the same height -exactly the same height despite the four-year age difference, but Jensen’s body is more defined, whereas Jared is mostly skin and bone.
They’re quiet for a while. The sound of the water flowing makes Jared want to sleep and he sits leaning his back against one of the beams oblivious to the way Jensen watches him as he inhales his cigarette smoke.
Jensen Ackles finds something oddly interesting about Jared Padalecki. He finds the fact that he’s not really finding him to be all that odd weird, but it’s true. Jared’s not really all that bad. No, not at all and he’s actually kind of funny too -for a kid that is.
“Jared!” A singsong voice yells from above their heads. It’s Chad Michael Murray’s voice and Jared looks fearfully over to Jensen. Jensen stands, twists his body through the beams careful not to miss stepping on the rafters as he moves closer to Jared. When he reaches them he practically falls into his lap as he slides across him shushing him to keep quiet as he hears Chad, Jason and Christian all calling out Jared’s name. They know Jared is here somewhere, his bike is still sitting on the tracks.
“Chicken-boy, where are you?” Christian laughs and a moment later Jared’s bike is thrown into the river.
“My bike,” Jared hisses and Jensen urges him quiet, stares up at the tracks through the beams. They hear the ding of a bell and the rumble of an approaching train breaks the mood and above their heads, Jensen and Jared can hear Christian, Chad and Jason swearing as they take off on foot trying to get off the tracks before the train crosses.
Jensen finds this hilarious as he stands pulling himself up. He looks up through the peaks of light that bleed through the planks and he smiles glancing quickly down to Jared before looking back up.
Jensen’s bicep is two inches from Jared’s face. He bets if he licks his lips, he’ll be able to taste the salt off of Jensen’s skin. Of course, Jared won’t do that because even he knows that’s weird. But the muscle moves and Jared’s not sure what compels him, but before he can stop himself he finds his hand curling around Jensen’s bicep. He just wants to feel it…to touch it, but before he can get a good grip, Jensen flinches away.
The look he gives Jared is a troubled one and Jared is sure that Jensen’s gonna deck him and call him a fag.
But he doesn’t.
“Big huh?” Jensen smirks flexing a muscle.
“Yeah,” Jared whispers and hugs his arms around his body. He hopes his clothes will be dry soon.
“Come on, let’s get your bike out of the water.”
[GO TO PART TWO]
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