The scariest Halloween story you will ever read: GUARANTEED TIMES A MILLION!

[m_mcgregor]

Title: Late Morning of the Living
Author: M. McGregor
Warnings: If you're easily scared: LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! (Also: Zombies)
Notes: I originally wrote this story for Christmas, but I figured what the heck, I might as well post it now.

Comments

[anonymous]

You are truly twisted.

But I have to admit thought, that was pretty good.

[m_mcgregor]

Hey you don't need to feel bad about admitting thoughts. I have thoughts almost all the time. I'm having one right now!

[d_tepes]

Brains, braaaiiins!

[m_mcgregor]

That is the single most despicable thing you have ever said, and I applaud you for it.

[d_tepes]

Braains, brainnns braiins. Bra-aa-ains!

I've actually been a zombie for a few years now. No one noticed though... Well, they said I smelled better but didn't know why. Don't even know what type I am, sad to say. I know I'm not fast, but I don't know if I'm human-speed or a shambling zombie 'cause, well, back when I was alive I shambled. So... All very confusing. Oh well.

Braaaiiinnns?

[edgarspp]

Uhmmm.
Ehmmm.
Brains???.
;)
See ya!!!.

[m_mcgregor]

What did the zombie name his son?
Brriiiiaaaannnn!

What do you give a constipated zombie?
Brrraaaaaannnn!

What's a zombie's favorite Missouri city?
Brrraaaannnnssson!

Who is a zombie's favorite author?
Brraaaamm (Stoker)!

What celebrity couple do zomebies love the most?
Brraaaanngelina!

Who did the zombie vote for?
Brraaackobama!

How did the zombie read without eyes?
Brraaaaiile!

How did the zombie stop the car?
Brraaaaakes!

What's a zombie's favorite hairstyle?
Brraaaaids!

What's the zombie's favorite baseball team?
Brrraaaaaves!

What did the zombie text?
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRB

What's a cocky zombie do?
Brrraaaaag!

What's a zombie teenage mutant ninja turtle's favorite food?
Pizza!

[waddis]

Every zombie needs a theme song.

[m_mcgregor]

When I'm a zombie my theme song will go like this:

It's zombie M. McGregor!
He's really rather clever
For a zombie, of course.

Oh yeah it's zombie M. McGregor,
Dressed in a tattered sweater
Looking sharp! For a corpse.

Yes, it's zombie M. McGregor
No other undead could be better
He is a prince amongst the dead!

Oh baby, zombie M. McGregor
no other zombie's deader
Yeah he's missing half his head!

I tell you, zombie M. McGregor
Skin like crumpled leather
And his eyes are gaping holes

Watch out for zombie M. McGregor
I heard he killed and ate a beggar
and soon he'll swallow all our souls!

(All of this is to the tune of Wu-Tang Clan's "Triumph," obviously.)

[waddis]

You know, people say you're mean.

But you wouldn't have gone to that much trouble to one-up me unless you really cared. You're a cool guy, Mac.

[m_mcgregor]

Who are these fucking people!? I WILL RIP THEIR HEARTS OUT THROUGH THEIR CHESTS AND IMPALE THEIR STILL-BEATING ORGANS ONTO AN ALTAR MADE OF THEIR SHATTERED DREAMS! CALL ME MEAN, WILL THEY!? GAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Oh and hey: anything for you, buddy.

[slaymesoftly]

ROFL That's a wonderful twist. :)

[m_mcgregor]

I assume you mean the twisting of Rob's neck, you sick sick sicko.

[slaymesoftly]

guilty as charged?