My Grandfather

[lurker2209]

My Grandpa died last week.  And although I've posted a ton of random stuff to my lj in the interveaning days, I just realized I never said anything about that.  Like maybe it's more a symptom of how I view my lj than of how I see my grandpa.  Goodness knows a lot of the stuff I post about si either 'net related or frivolous---and I don't post that

Comments

[diavolina_ivy]

I'm sorry you're going through this, but I think I know what you mean. My Nana has Alzheimers too and I do the dutiful granddaughter thing and call her, but it's not the same person I grew up with. I obviously don't know yet how I would handle her passing, but I think it would be similar to what you described - detached because this is something happening to people hundreds of miles away from me, to a person I don't know because the Nana I know doesn't remember me or herself anymore. I'm glad you have found a way to reconnect with what is happening, and I think it was meant to be that you were in Florence at the time so that you could be there with your family when it happened.

[lurker2209]

Thanks. And yeah, I'm glad I was there. And I'm glad that I went with my dad to sit at his bedside for a few hours two days before he died. I went mostly to keep my dad company that day, and I didn't even realize until we got the call that he had died how glad I was that I'd gone. Like, it was something I needed, but I didn't know it until later. I think that happens a lot and usually it's the source of regrets but in this case (which was a total God thing!) it worked out in a neat way.

[artemis_90]

Condolences.

I took care of my Dad when he had stroke-induced dementia. It was frustrating those years, but when he finally passed away I didn't grieve like the rest of my family. It was partly relief for him (and me), but mostly I had already been grieving for the person my dad had been even before he died. Grief comes in many forms and sometimes even in a delayed fashion, so don't beat yourself up with guilt.

*Hugs*

[lurker2209]

Thanks, I really believe there's no such thing as a right and wrong way to feel--you just feel the way you feel and try to act in ways that are right regardless. But sometimes I expect to feel one way and then I don't and I wonder what, if anything, that means.