Fic: Oh, How the Years Go By
Title: Oh, How the Years Go By
Rating: Safe for everyone.
Summary: It's an anniversary for Carly, and Luke helps her celebrate.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or any part of ATWT. I am simply a fan, enjoying the history that they have given us.
AN:This should be set on July 14th, but I wanted to post it before the new week begins. It will make more sense if you watch CarJack and know some of their history. Title is taken from song of same name by Vanessa Williams.
So I've been watching old CarJack videos and *guh* I think I'm in love with Maura West and Micheal Park. Although I'm not a very big fan of Jack's at the moment, Carly is, has always been, and always will be AWESOME. The CarJack story is epic and they are the very definition of "Supercouple" The stories and writing they had back in the day was sooo great and ten times better than the crap that they're putting us through with Janet right now. I have included one of my favourite quotes here. THIS is the ATWT that I will miss:
ATWT: Carjack - Carly Wants All or Nothing 3/02/01
Jack: I'm sorrier than you will ever know about how things didn't work out with us. But we can't be strangers, Carly. Too much stuff has happened between us. What we can be however -
Carly: Do not say friends! I have been in your arms and in your bed. I have been in your thoughts and in your heart and in your prayers. I know every inch of your body and every tangled alleyway of your soul. I have loved you and lost for you and lived for you so if you think for one moment that you can start treating me like someone you've had an occasional beer with, you're deluding yourself. Either you treat me as your lover or you do not treat me at all. Got it?
Jack: Got it.
(Jack storms off, waits a minute and then storms back.)
Jack: … Every morning I wake up thinking of you and every night I go to sleep blessing you and every day you're a part of my heart. Sometimes I think that everything in me has turned to stone except for the little place where you live. You keep me breathing. Letting go of the dream of marrying you? That's been the biggest loss I've ever had.
AN: Carly's intervention clips can be found on WorldTurner's YouTube channel in three parts, dated 7/14/09.
*~*
Carly savours her cup of coffee that morning after the kids head out to their respective activities. The perfect temperature (hot but not scalding), the perfect strength (3 scoops to 6 cups worth of water) flavoured with just a little hazelnut cream. She mellows in the steamy warmth and feels like staying in the fragrant cloud all day and not facing actual reality.
It isn’t that she’s afraid to go. She’s proud of what she’s accomplished and how far she’s come. But she still twinges in shame and embarrassment when she stands and speaks those words. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get over that. What she came from, how much she had in her life, how she let herself and everyone else down… she shakes off the melancholy that starts to filter through her happy cloud. None of that is allowed today. She’s come back from that dark place and will never go there again.
She finishes her coffee and reluctantly heads upstairs to shower. She uses the vanilla blossom body wash that Sage got her for mother’s day and smiles as she dresses in her favourite red dress. She styles her hair and chooses earrings and a necklace to finish off the ensemble.
Sometimes, when she looks in the mirror she feels like someone else is looking back at her. Someone that she doesn’t quite recognize. Someone all grown up and beautiful and ready to take on the world. But the eyes always give her away. They aren’t quite as confident as Carly thinks they should be for someone who looks as amazing as the mirror image portrays. They still hold a glimmer of sadness, a flicker of fear and a glimpse of unhappiness that never quite goes away lately.
She completes a few household tasks, putting some of Parker’s T-Shirts in the laundry, putting the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher and gathering up Sage’s accoutrements and leaving them on her desk in her room. It was amazing how fast her kids were growing up. She could remember Sage’s birth as if it had been yesterday and now her little girl was interested in boys and makeup and fashion. Well, Carly thought with a chuckle, having a fashion designer for a mother might have influenced that.
At the knock on her door a little while later Carly looks up from the papers for Carlisle that she is going over. She checks her watch as she stands and walks to the door. 9:15am. She has plenty of time to get there if this visit doesn't take too long. She looks through the frosted glass panels of her front door and squints at the shape of her visitor. Is that- She opens the door.
“Luke?”
Luke smiles at Carly as she opens the door, shrugging at her confused tone with his hands in his pockets.
“Surprise.”
She smiles familiarly at him. “Well hey there stranger. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I know, I know. I should have called first but I got busy and forgot.”
She steps back and welcomes him in. “Well, come on in! It’s always nice to see you Luke. How are you?”
He makes his way over to the couch and Carly closes the door behind him, turning to face him with her hands clasped.
“I’m pretty good. Busy with meetings for my foundation and the new hospital wing, but it’s all keeping me out of trouble.” He says with a grin. “How are you? Mom said that you’ve gone into business together. Again.”
Carly laughs. “Yep. Fiftith time is the charm right? We’re launching a new fragrance line.”
Luke nods, trying to find some way to bring up the reason for his visit. He looks slightly uncomfortable and can't look her in the eye. Carly sighs and sits beside him on the couch.
“Luke honey, what is it?”
“I - um,” he started, “I was wondering if you’re planning on going to a meeting today.”
Carly looks at him, trying (and failing) to hide her shock. She looks down at her lap and then up again.
“I am.” She finally says, looking straight at him.
This was a strange situation to be in. Carly knew that Luke was a confessed alcoholic and Luke knew the same about Carly, but they’d never really talked about their shared predicament. It was a given that they ran into each other at meetings sometimes, just one of the many wonderful perks of being from a small town. But it wasn’t like they made plans to carpool and go together, although they didn’t really avoid each other either. They simply accepted that the meetings were a part of their lives and something that they needed to do for themselves, no matter who they might meet there or what might be discussed. The last meeting Carly remembered seeing Luke at had been about a month ago. She had chosen to remain silent that day while Luke had taken a turn at speaking. He’d mentioned breaking up with Noah and reflecting that only a few years ago drinking would have been his only answer to the disappointment and sadness that came with that. But that day he’d stood tall and confident while he explained that he was trying to find other ways of dealing with it while realizing that the hurt would never completely go away, no matter what he did. She'd been proud of him, and hopeful that he would get through everything okay.
She turns the question back on him. “Are you?”
“Uh, yeah. I thought that you might want some - some company today.”
Luke was nervous. Carly had watched the young man in front of her grow up and she knew when he was lying to her. He wasn’t lying now… just nervous and jittery about something. She tilted her head and gave him her ‘mom’ stare.
“Well, that sounds alright to me.” She crossed her legs and relaxed back into the couch, still looking at him.
“But Luke, honey, I’m curious why you’re asking me now. You’ve never mentioned anything before.”
Luke nods, licking his lips and looking down at his hands.
“I know. My drinking… it’s not something that I really talk about with anyone, except at the meetings. You know how it is.”
She nods. She places a hand over his knee. “I do know. Being a drunk isn’t something you usually discuss in polite company. And if you do, it’s because someone thinks you’re drinking again.” They both laugh awkwardly at that, then fall quiet, remembering the distrust and accusations from people in their past. People that they cared about who suddenly couldn’t believe them, didn’t trust them. Which made it ten times worse than the disapproving stares from random strangers.
Luke roused himself from those memories, turning to face Carly on the couch with one knee bent on the cushion. Memories flickered through his mind of times their families had spent together, the colours bright and beautiful. His thoughts flickered from one remembered scene to the next. Summer holidays when the girls had played together at the farm. Christmases when his mom and Carly had gone shopping together and Holden and Jack had been in charge of watching all the kids. She’d been in his life since before he could remember and he didn’t know why it was suddenly hard to talk to her. He took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders.
“Do you know that I keep track in my day-timer of when my last drink was? I rate each day on a scale of one to ten based on how much I want a drink that day. Some days are good. I can mark them down and just go on with my life. But some days are really bad, and I mean really bad. Like a 10 ++.”
Luke thinks of the day he’d heard about Holden’s supposed death. He remembers pressing 10s into the lined agenda paper with a black pen. He’d ripped the paper in a few places and hadn’t looked up for hours as he traced the lines and circles of the numbers over and over again. If he had, he might have started looking for the wine that Emma kept in the cellar, the beer kept in the fridge in the workshed. So he wrote the digits of that number over and over again. Traced and retraced them. When his stomach stopped turning inside out and his head stopped pounding and he was left with a blessed silence, he started to rip the page out. But then he resisted and left it there as a reminder to himself. He could still be strong and resist. He would be the man that Holden had raised him to be.
Carly squeezes his hand, urging him to continue. He smiles at her. “But on each and every day I put an X. Big or small, pencil, pen or marker, I mark it off. And I know that I can get through without a drink. Without the 4, 5, or 10 drinks.”
She sighed, opened her arms to reach out and hug him close.
“You are a very brave young man Luke Snyder.”
He notches his chin over her shoulder and rubs a hand over her back. He remembers hugs from when he was little. She feels a lot smaller and more fragile now, probably because he's so much bigger. But she still has the one of the strongest spirits he’d ever known.
“You’re not too shabby yourself Ms. Tenney. A year of sobriety isn’t anything to sneeze at.”
She sniffles and leans back from Luke, holding onto his shoulders. She fights back the tears threatening to fill her eyes. “How did you know?”
He sighs and rubs her hands. “The day you went to rehab, after your - your” he fumbles for the right word.
“My Intervention,” Carly assures.
“Right, your intervention. After that Jack came by the house to talk to dad. I think he was having a really hard time with everything.”
Carly winced and rubbed her hands together, tucking them between her legs. “Yeah, I was kinda mean to everyone that day.” Words flash into her mind. 'You don't talk to me anymore. You don't ask me how I am. You don't lower yourself to acknowledge me at all unless it's to accuse me of something!'
Luke rubs her arm briskly as she mentally shakes off the memories. “I know how that goes. When you feel that bad about yourself you just want to bring everyone else down with you. You can’t see your way through the fog of booze and denial.”
She smiles gratefully at him and clasps his hand. “You know, it’s amazing how much insight you have for someone so young. When did you go and grow up on me?”
He grins innocently. “I’m not just a pretty face you know." Then looks at her intently. "You can talk to me, anytime, if you want to. Nobody else really understands unless they’ve been through it so if you need someone to vent to, just call me up.”
“Thanks Luke. That means a lot to me. More than you know.” She smiles back at him and pats the hand that she holds. Exhales a big breath of relief.
“We’re quite a pair, aren’t we? Sitting here commiserating like we’ve been through battle or something.”
“Haven’t we?” Luke asks with a wry smile. Carly smiles back at him and squeezes his knee. She catches a glimpse of the wall clock over his shoulder and dusts her hands together.
“Well sir, we’d better be heading out if we’re going to make that meeting on time. I’m assuming you planned on the 10:00 session at St. Mark’s?”
Luke nodds. “And if you’re free, I’d like to take you to lunch after.”
Carly pretends to swoon. “Well that would just make my day Honey. But if you’ll excuse me for a moment I just need to freshen up and then we can leave.”
Luke watches her head to the bathroom down the back hallway and stands, walking over to the desk by the front door. The pictures gathered at the left hand top corner are of happy, smiling faces full of love and exuberance. He picks one up, spotting Emma’s Christmas tree from two years ago in the back of one. He can’t tell that it was taken two years ago just from the tree though. He deduces that timeline from the long jean clad leg and specific sneakered foot that he spots off to one side. How things change, he marvels.
His phone buzzes in his pocket and he replaces the picture before lifting it out, smiling and thinking, right on time.
Where are you? Missing the coffee part of my coffee break. And missing you. Lunch today?
Luke responds quickly with:
Sorry, something I needed to do. Plans for lunch 2. When u off wrk?
Carly’s heels click back up the hall and Luke pockets the phone. “Ready to go?” He asks.
She nods, humming as she gathers her cellphone from the table, keys from the desk and deposits them in the purse that hangs the desk chair.
“All set.”
*~*
They go to the meeting, sitting together in a middle row. Luke cheers loudly when Carly speaks and announces the anniversary that she is celebrating. She blushes prettily at the applause, starts to lower her head and then stops. She looks out at Luke and he smiles back proudly at her. She looks out over the crowd of people clapping and celebrating her. It’s a great feeling to think about how far she has come over the past year. She raises a fist in exaltation and thanks everyone for their support.
*~*
After the meeting and the requisite chit-chat with the other members, they agree on Al’s for lunch. They toast each other with strawberry milkshakes and talk over greasy cheeseburgers and crispy French fries. Carly informs Luke about JJ’s progress at boarding school and Sage’s newfound interest in makeup which she innocently assures him that, of course, Natalie knows nothing about. Luke tells her about Ethan’s first ‘girlfriend’ in his kindergarten class and Natalie’s voracious reading of the Twilight series books.
“I'm not sure what's going on with Faith these days.” He confesses. "She doesn't talk to me, or to mom and dad. I just hope that this.. phase or whatever it is with her is over soon. I miss my sister."
Carly mmms sympathetically.
"If it makes you feel any better, she and Parker have been hanging out more. Maybe he can help her work through some stuff."
"I hope so." Luke replies. "I really hope so."
Ready to change the subject Carly asks, "Did you know that I used to work here?"
"Really? Do tell."
*~*
“You haven’t always thought so highly of me,” Carly comments after their food comes. She’ll never forget Luke’s expression when he found she and Holden by the pond after their affair became public. The looks she described as that which ‘takes all that’s left of you and just crushes you.’
Luke shrugs. “It was a bad time for everyone. Looking back I can kinda see where you and Dad were coming from now.” He looks at her under hooded eyes, his mouth curving slightly.
“Kind of.”
She winces of the reminder of that mistake and the mess that it turned into. Thank goodness she and Lily are back to being friends and are embarking on this great journey into business together. And Holden…
“Speaking of your Dad,” she says, “how are the wedding plans coming for he and Molly?”
She sees a flash of discomfort in Luke’s eyes but he hides it well. “I think everything’s going okay,” he says, “I haven’t talked to dad much lately but I know that they have everything planned.”
Carly considers for a moment, then asks him, “Are you okay with him marrying Molly?”
Luke sighs, swirling a fry in ketchup.
“I think so. It’s just really sudden, ya know?”
Carly nods, letting him continue.
“I mean, I knew that he and Molly were dating and that was fine. I felt kinda bad for mom but Molly is great and she really helped out with Faith when she got kicked out of school.”
“But…” Carly prompts.
“But getting married is something else entirely. And apparently Dad proposed right after Molly shot Silas Whitman. I just don’t want them to rush into something because she’s scared or because Dad thinks he has to look after her. We've all had enough of marriages that don't last.”
Amen. Carly thinks to herself.
“I get that,” she says out loud. “I care about both of them and I don’t think they should do something they’re not ready for either. But you have to know that Molly loves Holden. She wants this. She wants him. She’s so excited and ready for this Luke, and I think your Dad is too.”
Luke looks at her as he eats some of his burger, weighing a response in his mind.
“Listen, Luke. I know that Molly has made a lot of mistakes. And I’m not judging because plenty of them I have made myself. But I can assure you that this time my cuz has thought long and hard about what she wants and what would be best. She’s worried about the same things that you are and she even feels guilty that Holden is offering to protect her.”
"Well, my Dad does his best to protect everyone. But he loves Molly. I can see that. And I'll support them. As long as my Dad's happy, I'll be happy."
Carly lifts her milkshake. "Here's to a happy ending. It's about time someone around here finally found one."
*~*
“Did you tell anyone about today?” Luke asks as they linger over coffee and pie.
Carly shakes her head, blond curls glinting in the sun coming through the large front windows. “I barely remembered it myself. I don’t mark off the days like you do. I can’t. I just go on with my life and try not to dwell on the past. That part of my life is over now.”
“I understand. But it’s still something to celebrate. Do you want to tell anyone now? Maybe…” he looks out under hooded eyelids and shrugs. “Jack? I could go with you.”
“Aw, thanks hun, but I’m just going to keep this to myself. Jack and my kids don't want or need any reminders of my drinking. Besides, being with you today was celebration enough.”
“You’re gonna give me a big head.” Luke jokes.
“Nah. You could never be full of yourself. You’re one of the few good guys."
She grabs his hand and holds it tight, looking straight at him. "Do me a favour Luke? Don’t ever change.”
He grins again and looks down at his coffee mug as he feels the heat from the blush spreading over his cheeks.
She speaks again, whispering conspiratorially. “Don’t look now but I think there’s someone here to see you.”
“What?” Luke looks at her confused. She lets go of his hand and motions towards the door with a tilt of her head. When he looks over Luke sees Reid, discreetly glancing over at their table. He looks slightly confused about whether he should interrupt or not.
Luke looks back at Carly who drains her coffee cup and slips her purse off the chairback.
“You don’t mind?” He asks.
“Not at all. I need to get some work done this afternoon anyway.”
They both stand, smiling widely at each other.
“Thanks again Luke. This was a great idea.”
“No problem. We’ll have to do it again.”
She nods firmly and shakes a finger teasingly at him. “Soon.”
They embrace and she closes her eyes as she remembers the boy she knew who has grown up to become this wonderful, caring man. She is sniffing back tears again when they part.
“I’ll call you.” She says as she heads towards the door. She smiles at Dr. Oliver as she passes him, but he barely notices as he only has eyes for Luke.
Interesting, she thinks. Very interesting. She’s happy for Luke. He deserves someone who cares about him as much as he cares about other people.
As she pushes out the door and into the bright sun, Carly Tenney smiles to herself. It has been a long time coming, but things are finally going right in her world. She may not have Jack by her side anymore but she has her kids, her friends and her work. She'll just stand on her own two feet and keep going, the way she's always done.
Watch out world, she thinks. I’m back!
*~*
As Luke fondly watches Carly leave, Reid saunters over and pulls out the chair beside him. Not the one across from him that Carly has just vacated, but the one to Luke's left-hand side. He tries not to worry about why he feels the need to be close enough to touch Luke.
He and Luke sit at the same time, and Luke pushes his dirty dishes off to the right side. He plants his elbows on the table and cups his chin in his palms. He grins goofily at Reid, who rolls his eyes in return.
"What are you so happy about?" He asks, presenting his practiced 'bored' look.
Luke shrugs and tilts his head to the side, his eyes glittering with a teasing light. "Just having a good day so far. And it's even better now that you're here."
"Aw geez," Reid grimaces. He looks up in gratitude as the waitress stops by their table. He orders a coffee and the lunch special, trying not to look at Luke who he just knows is still looking at him, still looking at him like that. Even the waitress smiles as she takes his order and walks away. Does he scare no one in this town anymore?
He slips off his suit jacket and hangs it over the back of his chair. He pulls down his shirt sleeves and then adjusts his watch, and then loosens his tie. When he finally looks back at Luke, the only thing that's different is that Luke has leaned over closer towards him. As Reid watches, Luke drops his hands and reaches across the table. Reid's hand flashes cold, then very, very warm when Luke touches him. He can almost feel the spirals of Luke's fingertips singeing their patterns into his skin.
And when Luke leans over to press a simple, sweet kiss to his lips, Reid knows he is lost. He is so lost when that short press of lips makes the rest of the world drop away and all he can think is more. He forgets about the patient who's test results he's been worrying about, the intern that's annoying him more than the others, the fact that he hasn't eaten in more than 2 hours (unforgivable!). In short, Luke's kiss makes him forget himself. And when Luke pulls back Ried isn't ready to let him go and holds onto his hand so they're still connected over the table. Luke grins again, and this time Reid grins back. Looks like he's having a pretty good day too.
*~*
And one more CarJack tidbit:
Carly: You're my true north. And even if you never remembered one single moment about our life together, I know that we would have fallen in love all over again. Because we are meant to be together Jack. Welcome home G-man.
Rating: Safe for everyone.
Summary: It's an anniversary for Carly, and Luke helps her celebrate.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or any part of ATWT. I am simply a fan, enjoying the history that they have given us.
AN:This should be set on July 14th, but I wanted to post it before the new week begins. It will make more sense if you watch CarJack and know some of their history. Title is taken from song of same name by Vanessa Williams.
So I've been watching old CarJack videos and *guh* I think I'm in love with Maura West and Micheal Park. Although I'm not a very big fan of Jack's at the moment, Carly is, has always been, and always will be AWESOME. The CarJack story is epic and they are the very definition of "Supercouple" The stories and writing they had back in the day was sooo great and ten times better than the crap that they're putting us through with Janet right now. I have included one of my favourite quotes here. THIS is the ATWT that I will miss:
ATWT: Carjack - Carly Wants All or Nothing 3/02/01
Jack: I'm sorrier than you will ever know about how things didn't work out with us. But we can't be strangers, Carly. Too much stuff has happened between us. What we can be however -
Carly: Do not say friends! I have been in your arms and in your bed. I have been in your thoughts and in your heart and in your prayers. I know every inch of your body and every tangled alleyway of your soul. I have loved you and lost for you and lived for you so if you think for one moment that you can start treating me like someone you've had an occasional beer with, you're deluding yourself. Either you treat me as your lover or you do not treat me at all. Got it?
Jack: Got it.
(Jack storms off, waits a minute and then storms back.)
Jack: … Every morning I wake up thinking of you and every night I go to sleep blessing you and every day you're a part of my heart. Sometimes I think that everything in me has turned to stone except for the little place where you live. You keep me breathing. Letting go of the dream of marrying you? That's been the biggest loss I've ever had.
AN: Carly's intervention clips can be found on WorldTurner's YouTube channel in three parts, dated 7/14/09.
*~*
Carly savours her cup of coffee that morning after the kids head out to their respective activities. The perfect temperature (hot but not scalding), the perfect strength (3 scoops to 6 cups worth of water) flavoured with just a little hazelnut cream. She mellows in the steamy warmth and feels like staying in the fragrant cloud all day and not facing actual reality.
It isn’t that she’s afraid to go. She’s proud of what she’s accomplished and how far she’s come. But she still twinges in shame and embarrassment when she stands and speaks those words. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get over that. What she came from, how much she had in her life, how she let herself and everyone else down… she shakes off the melancholy that starts to filter through her happy cloud. None of that is allowed today. She’s come back from that dark place and will never go there again.
She finishes her coffee and reluctantly heads upstairs to shower. She uses the vanilla blossom body wash that Sage got her for mother’s day and smiles as she dresses in her favourite red dress. She styles her hair and chooses earrings and a necklace to finish off the ensemble.
Sometimes, when she looks in the mirror she feels like someone else is looking back at her. Someone that she doesn’t quite recognize. Someone all grown up and beautiful and ready to take on the world. But the eyes always give her away. They aren’t quite as confident as Carly thinks they should be for someone who looks as amazing as the mirror image portrays. They still hold a glimmer of sadness, a flicker of fear and a glimpse of unhappiness that never quite goes away lately.
She completes a few household tasks, putting some of Parker’s T-Shirts in the laundry, putting the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher and gathering up Sage’s accoutrements and leaving them on her desk in her room. It was amazing how fast her kids were growing up. She could remember Sage’s birth as if it had been yesterday and now her little girl was interested in boys and makeup and fashion. Well, Carly thought with a chuckle, having a fashion designer for a mother might have influenced that.
At the knock on her door a little while later Carly looks up from the papers for Carlisle that she is going over. She checks her watch as she stands and walks to the door. 9:15am. She has plenty of time to get there if this visit doesn't take too long. She looks through the frosted glass panels of her front door and squints at the shape of her visitor. Is that- She opens the door.
“Luke?”
Luke smiles at Carly as she opens the door, shrugging at her confused tone with his hands in his pockets.
“Surprise.”
She smiles familiarly at him. “Well hey there stranger. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I know, I know. I should have called first but I got busy and forgot.”
She steps back and welcomes him in. “Well, come on in! It’s always nice to see you Luke. How are you?”
He makes his way over to the couch and Carly closes the door behind him, turning to face him with her hands clasped.
“I’m pretty good. Busy with meetings for my foundation and the new hospital wing, but it’s all keeping me out of trouble.” He says with a grin. “How are you? Mom said that you’ve gone into business together. Again.”
Carly laughs. “Yep. Fiftith time is the charm right? We’re launching a new fragrance line.”
Luke nods, trying to find some way to bring up the reason for his visit. He looks slightly uncomfortable and can't look her in the eye. Carly sighs and sits beside him on the couch.
“Luke honey, what is it?”
“I - um,” he started, “I was wondering if you’re planning on going to a meeting today.”
Carly looks at him, trying (and failing) to hide her shock. She looks down at her lap and then up again.
“I am.” She finally says, looking straight at him.
This was a strange situation to be in. Carly knew that Luke was a confessed alcoholic and Luke knew the same about Carly, but they’d never really talked about their shared predicament. It was a given that they ran into each other at meetings sometimes, just one of the many wonderful perks of being from a small town. But it wasn’t like they made plans to carpool and go together, although they didn’t really avoid each other either. They simply accepted that the meetings were a part of their lives and something that they needed to do for themselves, no matter who they might meet there or what might be discussed. The last meeting Carly remembered seeing Luke at had been about a month ago. She had chosen to remain silent that day while Luke had taken a turn at speaking. He’d mentioned breaking up with Noah and reflecting that only a few years ago drinking would have been his only answer to the disappointment and sadness that came with that. But that day he’d stood tall and confident while he explained that he was trying to find other ways of dealing with it while realizing that the hurt would never completely go away, no matter what he did. She'd been proud of him, and hopeful that he would get through everything okay.
She turns the question back on him. “Are you?”
“Uh, yeah. I thought that you might want some - some company today.”
Luke was nervous. Carly had watched the young man in front of her grow up and she knew when he was lying to her. He wasn’t lying now… just nervous and jittery about something. She tilted her head and gave him her ‘mom’ stare.
“Well, that sounds alright to me.” She crossed her legs and relaxed back into the couch, still looking at him.
“But Luke, honey, I’m curious why you’re asking me now. You’ve never mentioned anything before.”
Luke nods, licking his lips and looking down at his hands.
“I know. My drinking… it’s not something that I really talk about with anyone, except at the meetings. You know how it is.”
She nods. She places a hand over his knee. “I do know. Being a drunk isn’t something you usually discuss in polite company. And if you do, it’s because someone thinks you’re drinking again.” They both laugh awkwardly at that, then fall quiet, remembering the distrust and accusations from people in their past. People that they cared about who suddenly couldn’t believe them, didn’t trust them. Which made it ten times worse than the disapproving stares from random strangers.
Luke roused himself from those memories, turning to face Carly on the couch with one knee bent on the cushion. Memories flickered through his mind of times their families had spent together, the colours bright and beautiful. His thoughts flickered from one remembered scene to the next. Summer holidays when the girls had played together at the farm. Christmases when his mom and Carly had gone shopping together and Holden and Jack had been in charge of watching all the kids. She’d been in his life since before he could remember and he didn’t know why it was suddenly hard to talk to her. He took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders.
“Do you know that I keep track in my day-timer of when my last drink was? I rate each day on a scale of one to ten based on how much I want a drink that day. Some days are good. I can mark them down and just go on with my life. But some days are really bad, and I mean really bad. Like a 10 ++.”
Luke thinks of the day he’d heard about Holden’s supposed death. He remembers pressing 10s into the lined agenda paper with a black pen. He’d ripped the paper in a few places and hadn’t looked up for hours as he traced the lines and circles of the numbers over and over again. If he had, he might have started looking for the wine that Emma kept in the cellar, the beer kept in the fridge in the workshed. So he wrote the digits of that number over and over again. Traced and retraced them. When his stomach stopped turning inside out and his head stopped pounding and he was left with a blessed silence, he started to rip the page out. But then he resisted and left it there as a reminder to himself. He could still be strong and resist. He would be the man that Holden had raised him to be.
Carly squeezes his hand, urging him to continue. He smiles at her. “But on each and every day I put an X. Big or small, pencil, pen or marker, I mark it off. And I know that I can get through without a drink. Without the 4, 5, or 10 drinks.”
She sighed, opened her arms to reach out and hug him close.
“You are a very brave young man Luke Snyder.”
He notches his chin over her shoulder and rubs a hand over her back. He remembers hugs from when he was little. She feels a lot smaller and more fragile now, probably because he's so much bigger. But she still has the one of the strongest spirits he’d ever known.
“You’re not too shabby yourself Ms. Tenney. A year of sobriety isn’t anything to sneeze at.”
She sniffles and leans back from Luke, holding onto his shoulders. She fights back the tears threatening to fill her eyes. “How did you know?”
He sighs and rubs her hands. “The day you went to rehab, after your - your” he fumbles for the right word.
“My Intervention,” Carly assures.
“Right, your intervention. After that Jack came by the house to talk to dad. I think he was having a really hard time with everything.”
Carly winced and rubbed her hands together, tucking them between her legs. “Yeah, I was kinda mean to everyone that day.” Words flash into her mind. 'You don't talk to me anymore. You don't ask me how I am. You don't lower yourself to acknowledge me at all unless it's to accuse me of something!'
Luke rubs her arm briskly as she mentally shakes off the memories. “I know how that goes. When you feel that bad about yourself you just want to bring everyone else down with you. You can’t see your way through the fog of booze and denial.”
She smiles gratefully at him and clasps his hand. “You know, it’s amazing how much insight you have for someone so young. When did you go and grow up on me?”
He grins innocently. “I’m not just a pretty face you know." Then looks at her intently. "You can talk to me, anytime, if you want to. Nobody else really understands unless they’ve been through it so if you need someone to vent to, just call me up.”
“Thanks Luke. That means a lot to me. More than you know.” She smiles back at him and pats the hand that she holds. Exhales a big breath of relief.
“We’re quite a pair, aren’t we? Sitting here commiserating like we’ve been through battle or something.”
“Haven’t we?” Luke asks with a wry smile. Carly smiles back at him and squeezes his knee. She catches a glimpse of the wall clock over his shoulder and dusts her hands together.
“Well sir, we’d better be heading out if we’re going to make that meeting on time. I’m assuming you planned on the 10:00 session at St. Mark’s?”
Luke nodds. “And if you’re free, I’d like to take you to lunch after.”
Carly pretends to swoon. “Well that would just make my day Honey. But if you’ll excuse me for a moment I just need to freshen up and then we can leave.”
Luke watches her head to the bathroom down the back hallway and stands, walking over to the desk by the front door. The pictures gathered at the left hand top corner are of happy, smiling faces full of love and exuberance. He picks one up, spotting Emma’s Christmas tree from two years ago in the back of one. He can’t tell that it was taken two years ago just from the tree though. He deduces that timeline from the long jean clad leg and specific sneakered foot that he spots off to one side. How things change, he marvels.
His phone buzzes in his pocket and he replaces the picture before lifting it out, smiling and thinking, right on time.
Where are you? Missing the coffee part of my coffee break. And missing you. Lunch today?
Luke responds quickly with:
Sorry, something I needed to do. Plans for lunch 2. When u off wrk?
Carly’s heels click back up the hall and Luke pockets the phone. “Ready to go?” He asks.
She nods, humming as she gathers her cellphone from the table, keys from the desk and deposits them in the purse that hangs the desk chair.
“All set.”
*~*
They go to the meeting, sitting together in a middle row. Luke cheers loudly when Carly speaks and announces the anniversary that she is celebrating. She blushes prettily at the applause, starts to lower her head and then stops. She looks out at Luke and he smiles back proudly at her. She looks out over the crowd of people clapping and celebrating her. It’s a great feeling to think about how far she has come over the past year. She raises a fist in exaltation and thanks everyone for their support.
*~*
After the meeting and the requisite chit-chat with the other members, they agree on Al’s for lunch. They toast each other with strawberry milkshakes and talk over greasy cheeseburgers and crispy French fries. Carly informs Luke about JJ’s progress at boarding school and Sage’s newfound interest in makeup which she innocently assures him that, of course, Natalie knows nothing about. Luke tells her about Ethan’s first ‘girlfriend’ in his kindergarten class and Natalie’s voracious reading of the Twilight series books.
“I'm not sure what's going on with Faith these days.” He confesses. "She doesn't talk to me, or to mom and dad. I just hope that this.. phase or whatever it is with her is over soon. I miss my sister."
Carly mmms sympathetically.
"If it makes you feel any better, she and Parker have been hanging out more. Maybe he can help her work through some stuff."
"I hope so." Luke replies. "I really hope so."
Ready to change the subject Carly asks, "Did you know that I used to work here?"
"Really? Do tell."
*~*
“You haven’t always thought so highly of me,” Carly comments after their food comes. She’ll never forget Luke’s expression when he found she and Holden by the pond after their affair became public. The looks she described as that which ‘takes all that’s left of you and just crushes you.’
Luke shrugs. “It was a bad time for everyone. Looking back I can kinda see where you and Dad were coming from now.” He looks at her under hooded eyes, his mouth curving slightly.
“Kind of.”
She winces of the reminder of that mistake and the mess that it turned into. Thank goodness she and Lily are back to being friends and are embarking on this great journey into business together. And Holden…
“Speaking of your Dad,” she says, “how are the wedding plans coming for he and Molly?”
She sees a flash of discomfort in Luke’s eyes but he hides it well. “I think everything’s going okay,” he says, “I haven’t talked to dad much lately but I know that they have everything planned.”
Carly considers for a moment, then asks him, “Are you okay with him marrying Molly?”
Luke sighs, swirling a fry in ketchup.
“I think so. It’s just really sudden, ya know?”
Carly nods, letting him continue.
“I mean, I knew that he and Molly were dating and that was fine. I felt kinda bad for mom but Molly is great and she really helped out with Faith when she got kicked out of school.”
“But…” Carly prompts.
“But getting married is something else entirely. And apparently Dad proposed right after Molly shot Silas Whitman. I just don’t want them to rush into something because she’s scared or because Dad thinks he has to look after her. We've all had enough of marriages that don't last.”
Amen. Carly thinks to herself.
“I get that,” she says out loud. “I care about both of them and I don’t think they should do something they’re not ready for either. But you have to know that Molly loves Holden. She wants this. She wants him. She’s so excited and ready for this Luke, and I think your Dad is too.”
Luke looks at her as he eats some of his burger, weighing a response in his mind.
“Listen, Luke. I know that Molly has made a lot of mistakes. And I’m not judging because plenty of them I have made myself. But I can assure you that this time my cuz has thought long and hard about what she wants and what would be best. She’s worried about the same things that you are and she even feels guilty that Holden is offering to protect her.”
"Well, my Dad does his best to protect everyone. But he loves Molly. I can see that. And I'll support them. As long as my Dad's happy, I'll be happy."
Carly lifts her milkshake. "Here's to a happy ending. It's about time someone around here finally found one."
*~*
“Did you tell anyone about today?” Luke asks as they linger over coffee and pie.
Carly shakes her head, blond curls glinting in the sun coming through the large front windows. “I barely remembered it myself. I don’t mark off the days like you do. I can’t. I just go on with my life and try not to dwell on the past. That part of my life is over now.”
“I understand. But it’s still something to celebrate. Do you want to tell anyone now? Maybe…” he looks out under hooded eyelids and shrugs. “Jack? I could go with you.”
“Aw, thanks hun, but I’m just going to keep this to myself. Jack and my kids don't want or need any reminders of my drinking. Besides, being with you today was celebration enough.”
“You’re gonna give me a big head.” Luke jokes.
“Nah. You could never be full of yourself. You’re one of the few good guys."
She grabs his hand and holds it tight, looking straight at him. "Do me a favour Luke? Don’t ever change.”
He grins again and looks down at his coffee mug as he feels the heat from the blush spreading over his cheeks.
She speaks again, whispering conspiratorially. “Don’t look now but I think there’s someone here to see you.”
“What?” Luke looks at her confused. She lets go of his hand and motions towards the door with a tilt of her head. When he looks over Luke sees Reid, discreetly glancing over at their table. He looks slightly confused about whether he should interrupt or not.
Luke looks back at Carly who drains her coffee cup and slips her purse off the chairback.
“You don’t mind?” He asks.
“Not at all. I need to get some work done this afternoon anyway.”
They both stand, smiling widely at each other.
“Thanks again Luke. This was a great idea.”
“No problem. We’ll have to do it again.”
She nods firmly and shakes a finger teasingly at him. “Soon.”
They embrace and she closes her eyes as she remembers the boy she knew who has grown up to become this wonderful, caring man. She is sniffing back tears again when they part.
“I’ll call you.” She says as she heads towards the door. She smiles at Dr. Oliver as she passes him, but he barely notices as he only has eyes for Luke.
Interesting, she thinks. Very interesting. She’s happy for Luke. He deserves someone who cares about him as much as he cares about other people.
As she pushes out the door and into the bright sun, Carly Tenney smiles to herself. It has been a long time coming, but things are finally going right in her world. She may not have Jack by her side anymore but she has her kids, her friends and her work. She'll just stand on her own two feet and keep going, the way she's always done.
Watch out world, she thinks. I’m back!
*~*
As Luke fondly watches Carly leave, Reid saunters over and pulls out the chair beside him. Not the one across from him that Carly has just vacated, but the one to Luke's left-hand side. He tries not to worry about why he feels the need to be close enough to touch Luke.
He and Luke sit at the same time, and Luke pushes his dirty dishes off to the right side. He plants his elbows on the table and cups his chin in his palms. He grins goofily at Reid, who rolls his eyes in return.
"What are you so happy about?" He asks, presenting his practiced 'bored' look.
Luke shrugs and tilts his head to the side, his eyes glittering with a teasing light. "Just having a good day so far. And it's even better now that you're here."
"Aw geez," Reid grimaces. He looks up in gratitude as the waitress stops by their table. He orders a coffee and the lunch special, trying not to look at Luke who he just knows is still looking at him, still looking at him like that. Even the waitress smiles as she takes his order and walks away. Does he scare no one in this town anymore?
He slips off his suit jacket and hangs it over the back of his chair. He pulls down his shirt sleeves and then adjusts his watch, and then loosens his tie. When he finally looks back at Luke, the only thing that's different is that Luke has leaned over closer towards him. As Reid watches, Luke drops his hands and reaches across the table. Reid's hand flashes cold, then very, very warm when Luke touches him. He can almost feel the spirals of Luke's fingertips singeing their patterns into his skin.
And when Luke leans over to press a simple, sweet kiss to his lips, Reid knows he is lost. He is so lost when that short press of lips makes the rest of the world drop away and all he can think is more. He forgets about the patient who's test results he's been worrying about, the intern that's annoying him more than the others, the fact that he hasn't eaten in more than 2 hours (unforgivable!). In short, Luke's kiss makes him forget himself. And when Luke pulls back Ried isn't ready to let him go and holds onto his hand so they're still connected over the table. Luke grins again, and this time Reid grins back. Looks like he's having a pretty good day too.
*~*
And one more CarJack tidbit:
Carly: You're my true north. And even if you never remembered one single moment about our life together, I know that we would have fallen in love all over again. Because we are meant to be together Jack. Welcome home G-man.