Noah's Big Damn Movie
Title: Noah's Big Damn Movie
Rating: Teen
Summary: Starting at 5:55 in this video, we see a scene from Noah's student film. It's obvious from this scene that Luke knows that this is, to some degree, Noah's reflection on their relationship. Note which of them Noah casts as a girl, by the way.
Anyway, that made me think, what would happen if Noah's big damn Hollywood film was equally reflective of his thoughts and feelings on Luke. So, this little ficlet happened.
Thanks to beta readers shadownyc, peggin, _alicesprings, newssodark. You guys made good suggestions, and some of them I took. Others I didn't because this was the depth and breadth and height of this story in the end. :) Thanks, guys!
Noah's Big Damn Movie
“You okay?” Reid asked, stepping up to Luke and putting a hand on his shoulder.
Luke kept his back turned, facing out toward the L.A. lights. The roof of the hotel was quiet, far away from the applause, and hand-shakes, and fake smiles of the premier party below. Noah had gone all out for this event. Champagne, movie stars, amazing food - even if the portions were skimpy - culminated in an impressive night of pageantry celebrating Noah’s first motion picture.
It wasn’t the movie that Luke had always imagined he and Noah would make together, as a team; no, it was the one that Noah had made after the dust had settled, and Luke had walked away to be with Reid. A different life, a different future for them both, and up until now, Reid suspected that Luke thought they had both come to terms with the way their relationship ended, and had moved past it securely into the ‘friends’ category. Luke seemed to think that everyone was happy with this situation, and Reid, for his part, was, even if the name Noah Mayer always made Reid fight a terrific roll of his eyes.
Reid hadn’t wanted to come. He’d fought this thing in every way imaginable. First he’d just said no. But then Luke had given him the eyes that always seemed to lead to Reid making bad choices - like falling for Luke, and waiting for Luke, and diving head over heels in love with Luke, and moving in with Luke, and there was this little buzzy thing in the back of his head about one day marrying Luke, and, God, that was the worst idea of all - and he’d said something like, “We’ll see.”
So, at that point, he’d tried to arrange all of his patients’ surgeries in a cluster around the date to make it impossible to go, but found that his move had been blocked by his annoying and frustrating boyfriend. Apparently, Luke had called Jana, the woman in charge of scheduling, and insisted that she block out a week around the time of Noah’s movie premier, and that under no circumstances was she to allow Reid to schedule so much as a meeting of the chiefs of staff during that time. Reid had no idea what made Jana think Luke was the person she answered to in this situation, but given that Reid didn’t actually fire her for overstepping, he supposed he’d proven her assumption right.
Luke sighed and he pressed his hands deep into his pockets. Normally, Reid would take the opportunity to check out how that made Luke’s ass look amazing, but at the moment, he had other things on his mind.
“That was a big damn movie,” Reid said. “Kinda thought it sucked, though. How about you?”
Luke shrugged.
Reid rubbed at his face, and then wrapped his arms around Luke’s tense body. “Too pointed at times. Heavy handed. Over the top. And the entire thing was inaccurate if I know anything about it, and, oh, hey, I do.”
“Don’t Reid,” Luke said. “Just…don’t.”
“Don’t what? Point out that his take on events is incredibly flawed?”
“I just…I can’t believe he did that, you know? I feel - humiliated. And stupid. And ashamed.”
Reid’s stomach curled with hot anger, and he wanted to march downstairs, find Noah Mayer, kick him in the balls, and run before Noah got a punch in or did damage to his hands.
“I mean, I knew - he told me - that he was using some stuff from things we went through together. I mean, Noah and me? We went through so much. I thought - after everything we’ve experienced together,” Luke sniffed and wiped a hand under his nose. “I guess I just thought that we at least respected each other, you know?”
“No,” Reid said. “I don’t.”
Luke’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t…I don’t think he even likes me.”
“Not if ‘Elena’ was anything to go by. Crazy, whining, controlling - it was a pretty damning characterization. No, if that’s how he sees you, then I’d say he pretty much despises you.”
Luke shook his head and a small sob came up, and Reid wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, holding him tight. “Hey, at least 'Elena' fared better than ‘Ray’. And how obvious was that? The brilliant astrophysicist who seduced ‘Elena’ away from Mr. Mayer’s ridiculous alter-ego. At least he wanted ‘Elena’ around to be his wet-eyed, little punching bag. He buried ‘Ray’ alive.”
“Yeah, and you don’t like small spaces. How did he even know that?” Luke asked.
“The man’s a genius. It’s hard to say,” Reid said, letting the sarcasm fall heavily.
“I can’t believe he made me the girl. Again,” Luke said, and he was half-laughing through his tears.
“My ass can attest to your manliness, Mr. Snyder. And your enthusiasm. And stamina.”
Luke wasn’t letting go, and Reid settled in. The roof top was pleasant enough. He could smell some flowers on the breeze. Luke felt good in his arms, even if Luke was miserable and hurt. Reid didn’t know how long he was going to have to hold Luke until it was safe to let go. He wasn’t used to these types of situations. Usually, when Luke was upset, he was upset with him. Unless he was upset with his parents, or his sister, or someone else who wasn’t Noah Mayer and his giant douche-bag of abuse. At least not in a long time.
Luke kissed Reid’s neck, and then his ear, and finally pulled back to wipe his eyes, saying, “I don’t know why I ever thought he would forgive me, or move past it. I guess, though, what I’m most hurt by, is - do you remember that scene with ‘Elena’ and ‘Norman’ where he just laid it all out? How he made it absolutely clear what a burden Elena’s love was to him, and how he resented and hated her for it? He blamed her for making him feel things that he didn’t want to feel, and wanting things that ‘Norman’ didn’t want, and, God, Reid, it just hit me that he’d never really loved me.”
Reid lifted his brows and said nothing. He agreed.
Luke blew out a long breath. His chin was still quivering as he went on, “All that time? I thought we’d loved each other? It was just me loving him, and him…I don’t even know what he felt. I think there were times he loved me. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.”
Reid remembered when he used to wish that Luke would catch this clue bus, that Luke would come to really understand how little Noah respected or cared for him, but now that Luke was riding it, he was wishing it didn’t have to hurt Luke so much to be on it. The truth, though, was better than bullshit, and Reid had to believe that in the end, they’d be better off without the specter of Noah in the background of their lives.
Luke said, “Noah and I weren’t right for each other. I knew that. I’ve known that for a long time. Because you and I - we are. You know how I feel about you, and us.”
Reid nodded. He did. When he had dropped the apartment key off by Katie and Chris’ place, Katie had taken the time to rib him about whether or not he was at all worried that Noah-the-amazing-director would sweep Luke off of his feet with his star-studded Hollywood life, and Reid hadn’t been anymore concerned at that moment than he was right now with his arms around Luke’s waist, and Luke’s eyes so honestly, and trustingly on his.
“And I don’t have any regrets, but this…this movie. It just showed me that even my good memories are built on a faulty of premise. The premise that he ever truly loved me. Not his idea of me, not his hopes for us, not any of these other things that were part of the package that was the two of us together, but just loved me, and I...don’t know, Reid. I don’t know why that makes me so sad. I’m over him. I really am -“
“I know you are,” Reid said.
Luke ran his fingers into Reid’s hair and kissed him. Reid was just leaning into it, just starting to let it take him over, when Luke pulled back and said, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Reid said, licking Luke’s taste from his lips, and quite willing to be thanked for any and every thing that Luke might have in mind. He was sure that he deserved it.
Luke kissed him again, and then said, “Thank you for actually loving me and not…I don’t know. I know it’s not easy.“
Reid didn’t think he could love anyone who wasn’t Luke in all of his particular and annoying ways. He wasn’t about to say that, though. It still freaked him out at times that he even thought things like that.
“Don’t be stupid. It’s the easiest thing I do in my life. It’s not like loving you is brain surgery.”
“Well, Noah couldn’t manage it.”
“Noah’s a pathetic, miserable person, and he never knew you at all.”
Luke looked like he might cry again, and Reid looked up at the sky.
“What did I say?” Reid asked.
“It’s just sad. He didn’t know me. All I wanted was to be known, and he couldn’t see me at all.”
“Nope,” Reid said, putting his hand to Luke’s cheek. “But I see you.” He gazed at Luke’s face, the sweet, earnest eyes, the lips that made him feel things just by the way Luke held them, and the lines of his brow, and his lashes. “And I like what I see.”
Luke’s lips curved up and Reid kissed his smile, kissed him hard and long, pressing himself against Luke, and feeling the long line of their bodies.
“Let’s get out of here,” Luke whispered, wrinkling his nose in the way that always made Reid's heart clench with ridiculous affection. “I want to be alone with you.”
“That’s a damn good plan, Mr. Snyder.”
They didn’t say goodbye. Luke didn't even suggest that they should. They walked right past the doors to leading down toward the event rooms that Noah had rented for the premier party, and Luke squeezed Reid’s hand, not looking back.
During the taxi ride back to their hotel, Reid thanked all that was holy that he’d insisted they not stay at the same hotel as the premier and the those in Noah’s little entourage. There would be no awkward meeting with Noah during check-out the next morning. Luke had already declared that he was going to block Noah's calls on his cell phone, and block his emails, too. "If he can't figure out why, then he's the least self-aware person I've ever met."
"I won't be surprised when he proves to be," Reid murmured drowsily, the wine he'd swallowed while watching Luke awkwardly negotiate the immediate post-movie moments had finally resulted in a blood sugar crash. He was glad their hotel had extensive room service; he'd looked over the menu first thing when they'd checked in, much to Luke's amusement.
Luke's hand crept over onto this leg, and Reid looked down at it, watching it inch its way toward his crotch. Luke leaned over and said, “I brought the video camera.”
“You did, huh?”
“Mmm-hmm, for when we go sight sighting tomorrow.”
“Yeah?” Reid asked, his head on the back of the car seat, and his mind already at the hotel, thinking about Luke naked, Luke moaning, Luke forgetting all about Noah and his film.
“How about tonight we make a big damn movie of our own, Dr. Oliver?” Luke asked, managing to look coy, bashful, and predatory all at once.
Reid smirked. “My my, Mr. Snyder, I believe you’re talking about making a porn movie with me.”
Luke lowered his lashes and bit his lip. “Don’t make me beg, Dr. Oliver.”
Reid laughed. Oh, he’d make Luke beg all right. And he’d get it on film. And then he’d fuck Luke while they watched it together on the television in the hotel room. And Noah Mayer could eat his heart out - alone with his big damn movie.
THE END
Rating: Teen
Summary: Starting at 5:55 in this video, we see a scene from Noah's student film. It's obvious from this scene that Luke knows that this is, to some degree, Noah's reflection on their relationship. Note which of them Noah casts as a girl, by the way.
Click to viewAnyway, that made me think, what would happen if Noah's big damn Hollywood film was equally reflective of his thoughts and feelings on Luke. So, this little ficlet happened.
Thanks to beta readers shadownyc, peggin, _alicesprings, newssodark. You guys made good suggestions, and some of them I took. Others I didn't because this was the depth and breadth and height of this story in the end. :) Thanks, guys!
Noah's Big Damn Movie
“You okay?” Reid asked, stepping up to Luke and putting a hand on his shoulder.
Luke kept his back turned, facing out toward the L.A. lights. The roof of the hotel was quiet, far away from the applause, and hand-shakes, and fake smiles of the premier party below. Noah had gone all out for this event. Champagne, movie stars, amazing food - even if the portions were skimpy - culminated in an impressive night of pageantry celebrating Noah’s first motion picture.
It wasn’t the movie that Luke had always imagined he and Noah would make together, as a team; no, it was the one that Noah had made after the dust had settled, and Luke had walked away to be with Reid. A different life, a different future for them both, and up until now, Reid suspected that Luke thought they had both come to terms with the way their relationship ended, and had moved past it securely into the ‘friends’ category. Luke seemed to think that everyone was happy with this situation, and Reid, for his part, was, even if the name Noah Mayer always made Reid fight a terrific roll of his eyes.
Reid hadn’t wanted to come. He’d fought this thing in every way imaginable. First he’d just said no. But then Luke had given him the eyes that always seemed to lead to Reid making bad choices - like falling for Luke, and waiting for Luke, and diving head over heels in love with Luke, and moving in with Luke, and there was this little buzzy thing in the back of his head about one day marrying Luke, and, God, that was the worst idea of all - and he’d said something like, “We’ll see.”
So, at that point, he’d tried to arrange all of his patients’ surgeries in a cluster around the date to make it impossible to go, but found that his move had been blocked by his annoying and frustrating boyfriend. Apparently, Luke had called Jana, the woman in charge of scheduling, and insisted that she block out a week around the time of Noah’s movie premier, and that under no circumstances was she to allow Reid to schedule so much as a meeting of the chiefs of staff during that time. Reid had no idea what made Jana think Luke was the person she answered to in this situation, but given that Reid didn’t actually fire her for overstepping, he supposed he’d proven her assumption right.
Luke sighed and he pressed his hands deep into his pockets. Normally, Reid would take the opportunity to check out how that made Luke’s ass look amazing, but at the moment, he had other things on his mind.
“That was a big damn movie,” Reid said. “Kinda thought it sucked, though. How about you?”
Luke shrugged.
Reid rubbed at his face, and then wrapped his arms around Luke’s tense body. “Too pointed at times. Heavy handed. Over the top. And the entire thing was inaccurate if I know anything about it, and, oh, hey, I do.”
“Don’t Reid,” Luke said. “Just…don’t.”
“Don’t what? Point out that his take on events is incredibly flawed?”
“I just…I can’t believe he did that, you know? I feel - humiliated. And stupid. And ashamed.”
Reid’s stomach curled with hot anger, and he wanted to march downstairs, find Noah Mayer, kick him in the balls, and run before Noah got a punch in or did damage to his hands.
“I mean, I knew - he told me - that he was using some stuff from things we went through together. I mean, Noah and me? We went through so much. I thought - after everything we’ve experienced together,” Luke sniffed and wiped a hand under his nose. “I guess I just thought that we at least respected each other, you know?”
“No,” Reid said. “I don’t.”
Luke’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t…I don’t think he even likes me.”
“Not if ‘Elena’ was anything to go by. Crazy, whining, controlling - it was a pretty damning characterization. No, if that’s how he sees you, then I’d say he pretty much despises you.”
Luke shook his head and a small sob came up, and Reid wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, holding him tight. “Hey, at least 'Elena' fared better than ‘Ray’. And how obvious was that? The brilliant astrophysicist who seduced ‘Elena’ away from Mr. Mayer’s ridiculous alter-ego. At least he wanted ‘Elena’ around to be his wet-eyed, little punching bag. He buried ‘Ray’ alive.”
“Yeah, and you don’t like small spaces. How did he even know that?” Luke asked.
“The man’s a genius. It’s hard to say,” Reid said, letting the sarcasm fall heavily.
“I can’t believe he made me the girl. Again,” Luke said, and he was half-laughing through his tears.
“My ass can attest to your manliness, Mr. Snyder. And your enthusiasm. And stamina.”
Luke wasn’t letting go, and Reid settled in. The roof top was pleasant enough. He could smell some flowers on the breeze. Luke felt good in his arms, even if Luke was miserable and hurt. Reid didn’t know how long he was going to have to hold Luke until it was safe to let go. He wasn’t used to these types of situations. Usually, when Luke was upset, he was upset with him. Unless he was upset with his parents, or his sister, or someone else who wasn’t Noah Mayer and his giant douche-bag of abuse. At least not in a long time.
Luke kissed Reid’s neck, and then his ear, and finally pulled back to wipe his eyes, saying, “I don’t know why I ever thought he would forgive me, or move past it. I guess, though, what I’m most hurt by, is - do you remember that scene with ‘Elena’ and ‘Norman’ where he just laid it all out? How he made it absolutely clear what a burden Elena’s love was to him, and how he resented and hated her for it? He blamed her for making him feel things that he didn’t want to feel, and wanting things that ‘Norman’ didn’t want, and, God, Reid, it just hit me that he’d never really loved me.”
Reid lifted his brows and said nothing. He agreed.
Luke blew out a long breath. His chin was still quivering as he went on, “All that time? I thought we’d loved each other? It was just me loving him, and him…I don’t even know what he felt. I think there were times he loved me. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.”
Reid remembered when he used to wish that Luke would catch this clue bus, that Luke would come to really understand how little Noah respected or cared for him, but now that Luke was riding it, he was wishing it didn’t have to hurt Luke so much to be on it. The truth, though, was better than bullshit, and Reid had to believe that in the end, they’d be better off without the specter of Noah in the background of their lives.
Luke said, “Noah and I weren’t right for each other. I knew that. I’ve known that for a long time. Because you and I - we are. You know how I feel about you, and us.”
Reid nodded. He did. When he had dropped the apartment key off by Katie and Chris’ place, Katie had taken the time to rib him about whether or not he was at all worried that Noah-the-amazing-director would sweep Luke off of his feet with his star-studded Hollywood life, and Reid hadn’t been anymore concerned at that moment than he was right now with his arms around Luke’s waist, and Luke’s eyes so honestly, and trustingly on his.
“And I don’t have any regrets, but this…this movie. It just showed me that even my good memories are built on a faulty of premise. The premise that he ever truly loved me. Not his idea of me, not his hopes for us, not any of these other things that were part of the package that was the two of us together, but just loved me, and I...don’t know, Reid. I don’t know why that makes me so sad. I’m over him. I really am -“
“I know you are,” Reid said.
Luke ran his fingers into Reid’s hair and kissed him. Reid was just leaning into it, just starting to let it take him over, when Luke pulled back and said, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Reid said, licking Luke’s taste from his lips, and quite willing to be thanked for any and every thing that Luke might have in mind. He was sure that he deserved it.
Luke kissed him again, and then said, “Thank you for actually loving me and not…I don’t know. I know it’s not easy.“
Reid didn’t think he could love anyone who wasn’t Luke in all of his particular and annoying ways. He wasn’t about to say that, though. It still freaked him out at times that he even thought things like that.
“Don’t be stupid. It’s the easiest thing I do in my life. It’s not like loving you is brain surgery.”
“Well, Noah couldn’t manage it.”
“Noah’s a pathetic, miserable person, and he never knew you at all.”
Luke looked like he might cry again, and Reid looked up at the sky.
“What did I say?” Reid asked.
“It’s just sad. He didn’t know me. All I wanted was to be known, and he couldn’t see me at all.”
“Nope,” Reid said, putting his hand to Luke’s cheek. “But I see you.” He gazed at Luke’s face, the sweet, earnest eyes, the lips that made him feel things just by the way Luke held them, and the lines of his brow, and his lashes. “And I like what I see.”
Luke’s lips curved up and Reid kissed his smile, kissed him hard and long, pressing himself against Luke, and feeling the long line of their bodies.
“Let’s get out of here,” Luke whispered, wrinkling his nose in the way that always made Reid's heart clench with ridiculous affection. “I want to be alone with you.”
“That’s a damn good plan, Mr. Snyder.”
They didn’t say goodbye. Luke didn't even suggest that they should. They walked right past the doors to leading down toward the event rooms that Noah had rented for the premier party, and Luke squeezed Reid’s hand, not looking back.
During the taxi ride back to their hotel, Reid thanked all that was holy that he’d insisted they not stay at the same hotel as the premier and the those in Noah’s little entourage. There would be no awkward meeting with Noah during check-out the next morning. Luke had already declared that he was going to block Noah's calls on his cell phone, and block his emails, too. "If he can't figure out why, then he's the least self-aware person I've ever met."
"I won't be surprised when he proves to be," Reid murmured drowsily, the wine he'd swallowed while watching Luke awkwardly negotiate the immediate post-movie moments had finally resulted in a blood sugar crash. He was glad their hotel had extensive room service; he'd looked over the menu first thing when they'd checked in, much to Luke's amusement.
Luke's hand crept over onto this leg, and Reid looked down at it, watching it inch its way toward his crotch. Luke leaned over and said, “I brought the video camera.”
“You did, huh?”
“Mmm-hmm, for when we go sight sighting tomorrow.”
“Yeah?” Reid asked, his head on the back of the car seat, and his mind already at the hotel, thinking about Luke naked, Luke moaning, Luke forgetting all about Noah and his film.
“How about tonight we make a big damn movie of our own, Dr. Oliver?” Luke asked, managing to look coy, bashful, and predatory all at once.
Reid smirked. “My my, Mr. Snyder, I believe you’re talking about making a porn movie with me.”
Luke lowered his lashes and bit his lip. “Don’t make me beg, Dr. Oliver.”
Reid laughed. Oh, he’d make Luke beg all right. And he’d get it on film. And then he’d fuck Luke while they watched it together on the television in the hotel room. And Noah Mayer could eat his heart out - alone with his big damn movie.
THE END