(no subject)
Title: One Perfect Christmas
Author: slayerkitty
Genre: AU, T?WT?, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Lots of angst, Noah, Implied infidelity, Somnophilia
Spoilers: through September 2, 2010.
Pairings: Luke/Reid, Past Luke/Noah, Chris/Katie
Disclaimer: As the World Turns and it's characters are not mine, no matter how much I enjoy playing with them. :)
Word Count: 11,389
Summary: Five Christmases that never happened (and one that did).
Author's Note: So this fic started out as a fill for moerlin on the LuRe drabble-a-thon. Several frustrating weeks later (oh, God, this fic, what you have done to me), the result ended up being over 11,000 words. So, not a drabble, LOL. I need to profusely thank lemondrop34, alissablue, and my wifey stl29tide for listening to me bitch and moan about this fic, beg them for advice, and force me to edit this thing, because it needed it so, so badly. In fact, a few sentences in here actually belong to lemondrop34. So, that all being said, here it is. I hope you guys like it! :D
i.
Reid hated Christmas.
It wasn’t necessarily the religious aspect he didn’t like (though that played a part), but it was that everything and everyone surrounding the holiday was fake.
Santa Claus wasn’t real. He didn’t come down the chimney and leave presents for good little boys and girls. He was a lie parents told their kids to force them to behave and make them believe in magic.
People preached kindness and goodwill toward men and then turned around and trampled people in their rush for Black Friday deals.
He hated the whole mess. If he could fast forward the year from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day, he would.
In fact, he wished he could avoid celebrating the holiday altogether. Luke had begged him for this time, though, and Reid had finally given in. It had been a hard few months of adjustment for him and Luke - crazy schedules, Reid being paged at all hours (for a small town, Oakdale had a surprising number of emergency brain and spine injuries), as well their sometimes clashing personalities had made for a rough transition.
Those were the cheery thoughts swirling in his head as he made his way through Old Town on Christmas Eve morning. It was his and Luke’s first Christmas together, and Reid had actually taken time off to spend it with Luke and his family at the farm. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours would be spent with Luke’s family, while they all professed to love each other before stabbing each other in the back. He couldn’t wait to watch them struggle to play happy family while covering up what was sure to be one crisis or another that Luke would feel the need to fix.
Reid wondered if he was some kind of masochist for agreeing to go, but Luke had looked at him with those big brown eyes and Reid had been lost. Of course he’d said yes. Luke’s happiness (and the outstanding blow job he’d gotten as a result) had made Reid think it might turn out okay.
Now it was the morning of Christmas Eve, and Reid just wanted the whole thing over with.
He stepped into Java, enjoying the smell of freshly brewing coffee. Reid went to the counter, placing his order with the girl standing there. “And don’t screw it up,” he added, handing her money. She took it without a word, and Reid turned around, observing the crowd as he waited.
He heard a familiar laugh and turned to see an equally familiar blond haired man sitting at one of the tables. Reid frowned, wondering what Luke was doing there. His boyfriend had left in a rush that morning, claiming a last minute meeting and that he’d meet Reid at the farm in an hour. Reid moved slightly closer to see who Luke was speaking with and then froze.
Luke was sitting, talking and laughing with one Noah Mayer.
So Luke’s important meeting on Christmas Eve morning was coffee with his ex-boyfriend? Reid swallowed hard, and then turned around. The barista behind the counter handed him his drink, and he took it, leaving Java behind. He went outside, finding a bench and sat down.
Visions of Luke and Noah danced in his head, and all the old insecurities Reid had thought were gone came rushing back. He sighed just as his pager went off. He glanced down at it and frowned. It was an emergency page, which meant head trauma. Since the hospital had been made away that contacting him during the holiday would be a one way ticket to a pink slip, Reid knew it had to be bad. He downed his remaining coffee in one large gulp and tossed the cup in the trash as he dialed his phone.
“Yes, this is Dr. Oliver. You paged me?”
*
Reid walked out of the OR, his surgical mask clenched in his fist. He should have seen this coming. He should have been able to anticipate.
He was better than this.
The surgery had gone well until one of the nurses had come in with a message from Luke wondering where he was. Reid had sworn under his breath and then ordered the nurse to tell Luke he’d call him back.
Then things had taken a turn for the worse, the patient he was operating on started to bleed out, and it was suddenly a miracle that the guy wasn’t dead on the operating table. Reid had sent the patient off to ICU in a medically induced coma and now was on his way to tell the family that their son would not be home for Christmas this year.
*
He glanced at his watch again, knowing he was beyond late for the family festivities at the farm. He pulled out his phone and called Luke.
“Hello,” Luke answered. His tone was low and quiet, two things that were a sure sign of Luke’s mood. He was pissed.
“I know you’re angry with me,” Reid said right away. “But it couldn’t be helped.”
“Reid, you are not the only doctor at that hospital.”
“No, but I’m only one who knew how to do the surgery needed,” Reid countered. “And you’re complaining about me working, but you had a meeting this morning too.”
“My meeting was just that, Reid, a meeting,” Luke snapped, and Reid knew he was truly pissed now. “It wasn’t a five hour surgery, and I didn’t forget to call and tell you where I was going to be either.”
“I’m sorry,” Reid replied. “Next tell I’ll just tell the parents of my patient that I’m sorry I couldn’t save their son’s life, my boyfriend needs me home for Christmas dinner with his insane family, half of whom should probably be locked up in an institution somewhere.”
“Reid, that’s not fair,” Luke said. “You know that’s not what I…” He trailed off. “How was the surgery?”
“He’s in a coma,” Reid answered stiffly.
“I’m sure you did your best,” Luke sounded merely upset now. “Just… I feel like I never see you anymore. This was supposed to be our time to reconnect.”
“I know that,” Reid muttered. “I’m going to go home, shower and change. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” As he hung up the phone, he heard someone call for Luke in the background and froze.
Noah was at the farm.
*
He’d had the best of intentions. Grab a quick shower, change his clothes, and head to the farm.
Nowhere in there did he plan for a hysterical Katie Hughes to end up on his and Luke’s doorstep. He and Luke had been living together since late October, once Noah had flown out to LA and things had settled down after Chris’ heart transplant, and he’d come home to live with Katie.
“He told me it was a nurse, Reid,” Katie cried into a crumpled up Kleenex in her hand. “He said it was just once and it didn’t mean anything, but I…” she sobbed again.
“Katie,” Reid said, uncomfortable. He wasn’t good at this kind of thing, and he wished Luke was there. Luke always knew what to say to make others feel better. Oh, crap. Luke. He looked at his watch. He should have been at the farm an hour ago.
“What do I do, Reid?” Katie asked, sniffling. “Do I believe him? He’s had such hard time coming to terms with the transplant, and…” she trailed off. “Reid?”
“What?” he asked, looking at her.
“Are you even listening to me?” Katie wanted to know, sounding a little angry. “I’m pouring my heart out here.”
“Of course I am,” Reid answered. “Your husband is an idiot who can’t keep it in his pants.”
“Reid!” Katie made a strangled sound in her throat. “You’re supposed to be making me feel better and telling me what to do.”
Reid had had enough.
“You know what I think, Katie,” Reid reminded her. “I told you that marrying him was a bad idea.”
“Oh, thanks, Reid. ‘I told you so’ is exactly what I want to hear right now.” Katie snapped.
“I’m telling you how it is, Katie. You’re too good for him. Ditch the loser,” Reid told him. “We’ll all be better off.”
“I should have known you’d be the wrong person to talk to about this,” Katie stood up, angry now. “Why can’t you ever be understanding and supportive?”
“What do you want me to say, Katie? I told you when you married him that you were moving too fast, and you let your emotions get the better of you anyway.” Reid was getting angry now too. “Now you’re here crying to me about it. Of course I’m going to say ‘I told you so’. Maybe next time you’ll think before you do something.”
“Fine,” Katie stalked toward the door. “I have no idea how Luke puts up with you,” she tossed back before opened the door and stepping out into the hall. The door slammed shut behind her as Reid glanced at his watch again.
“I don’t either,” he muttered to the empty room before grabbing his coat and walking out.
*
Reid took a deep breath before opening the door to the porch of the farmhouse. He wasn’t sure what kind of reception he was going to get, but it probably wouldn’t be a good one. Reid stopped short - Luke was sitting on the porch staring at him in the darkness.
“Hi,” Reid said quietly, moving to sit down next to him. Luke didn’t say anything, just sat there.
“Where were you?” Luke finally asked. He wouldn’t meet Reid’s gaze.
“It’s not important,” Reid told him. “I’m here now.”
“It was apparently important enough to not show up until after we’ve already eaten, and the kids are upstairs getting ready for bed.”
“Luke, I tried to get here,” Reid started to explain.
“Not hard enough it seems,” Luke countered. “Do you even care about me at all?”
“What?” Reid’s eyes went wide. “What kind of question is that?”
“A valid one,” Luke returned. “Because sometimes, Reid, I don’t feel like you do. I asked you for one thing, Reid; to spend Christmas with me and my family.”
“You know that I’m…not good at relationships, Luke. I’m trying, okay?”
“Stop making excuses!” Luke exclaimed. “You keep telling me that I’m a grown man, and I need to act like it. I’m telling you the same thing,” he continued. “Grow up, Reid.”
“Luke.” Reid tried to stay calm. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to want to be with me,” Luke replied, emotion filling his voice.
“I do, Luke, you know I do.” Reid took his hand and held it tightly.
“You say that, but I don’t feel it.” Luke’s voice went hoarse, and Reid could tell he was fighting back tears. “Ever since we moved into together I feel like you take me for granted. You’re late all the time, you wrapped up in your work when you are home, and I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.”
“I don’t know what else I can say.” Reid felt defeated. “I’m trying.”
“It’s not good enough,” Luke muttered, pulling his hand away and standing up. “I feel like I’m competing with Memorial for your affection or something. It’s not right, Reid. I’ve been in a relationship where I wasn’t the priority, and I swore to myself I wouldn’t do it again.”
“I’m sorry,” Reid said, his voice soft. “But if this last year spending time with you has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not perfect. I screw up, and sometimes I screw up royally. No, I didn’t really want to come today and spend time with your batshit crazy family, but I tried to get here because you wanted me to.”
“Reid-" Luke tried to interrupt, but Reid was on a roll.
“And while we’re on the subject of people who were here today, maybe you can explain what Noah was doing here?” Luke’s face flushed and for Reid, that was the absolute last straw. “I see.” He shoved his hands into his pockets on his coat, and moved around Luke to head for his car. “Guess you didn’t need me here after all.”
“Reid, wait!” Luke called, but Reid didn’t reply, just got into his car and drove away.
*
Everything felt wrong. Reid was unsettled as he stepped into his and Luke’s apartment. The air felt electric, and he didn’t know why. He felt like all his hair was standing on end and it was all wrong, wrong, wrong.
He slipped off his coat and sank down on the couch just as his phone buzzed, indicating a new text message. It was from Luke.
I can’t do this anymore. I think we need some time apart. I’m staying at the farm.
Well, it was official. Today could not get any worse. He chucked his phone into the arm chair and then got up. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Reid popped the top open, and went back to the couch to sit down.
Two beers and one viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life that had Reid yelling at the TV due to the characters’ idiocy, and he was finally tired. He felt himself dozing off right there on the couch, unable to bring himself to move.
His last thoughts before sleep claimed him were of Luke, and how he wished he could go back and do it the day over again.
*
A sudden weight moved the cushions on the couch and Reid startled awake. “Luke?” he mumbled.
“Not Luke,” a male voice answered. Reid’s eyes shot open and he sat up, coming face to face with a dark haired man. “Holy shit,” he swore, taking in the man he saw before him - a man that until this point, he’d only seen in pictures. “You’re…”
“Yep,” the man said.
“But you’re…” Reid couldn’t seem to complete a sentence.
“Dead?” the man chuckled. “Yep.”
“How much did I have to drink?” Reid asked, rubbing his eyes.
“Let’s cut to the chase here, Reid.” The man smiled. “You’re not drunk, you’re not asleep, and you’re not dead.”
“Then how?” Reid looked at him with confusion. His logical mind wouldn’t allow what this man was implying to be true.
“It’s the miracle of Christmas,” he said, making his voice dramatic and waving his hands around crazily. “And I’m here to grant your wish.”
Reid snorted. “What, you’re a genie now?”
“Something like that,” he answered. “You want to do this day over, right?” Reid gaped at him. “Well, you’re going to… until you get it right. Merry Christmas.”
“What?” Reid couldn’t believe what he was hearing, let alone seeing.
“You’re getting a do over, man,” he repeated. “Do us all a favor and don’t screw it up.” He paused. “And tell Katie…tell her I still love her, and Jacob, and I hope she’s happy.”
With that, Reid watch in disbelief as Bradley Snyder disappeared right in front of his eyes.
ii.
Reid’s eyes shot open the moment he felt his cock slide into Luke’s ass. Disoriented, he could only stare at Luke with wide eyes. Luke, who was rocking slowly now, sending shock after shock of pleasure shooting through Reid. Reid didn’t understand. Had Luke come home? Were they making up now?
“I thought you might like an early Christmas present,” Luke panted, his hips moving faster now. Reid groaned, the only sound he could make to express what he was feeling - because Luke had said that exact thing to him yesterday morning. Events of the previous day, culminating in last night’s ghostly visit flashed through Reid’s mind and he dug his fingers into Luke’s hips tighter, making Luke groan.
It was just a bad dream. It had to be.
Or maybe a brain tumor, because people did not repeat days over and over.
Reid fought the panic surging through him, as he thrust harder and harder into Luke, who cried out and then came with a shudder and a gasp. Reid followed a moment later, capturing Luke’s lips in a desperate kiss.
“Wow, what’s gotten into you?” Luke murmured as he moved off Reid. “Not that I didn’t love it, but you’re usually not so forceful in the morning.”
Reid couldn’t think of anything to say, just kind of shrugged and kissed Luke again. Luke pulled away and glanced at the clock. “I’m late,” he said, rolling out of bed. “I’ve got a quick meeting, and then I’m heading out to the farm.” Reid’s eyes widened.
Just a weird coincidence, he told himself. It didn’t mean anything at all.
“Okay,” Reid replied. “How long will you be?”
“About an hour or so,” Luke replied, giving Reid one last kiss before getting off the bed. “I’ll meet you out at the farm.”
With that, Luke disappeared into the bathroom, and Reid was left staring after him.
*
Reid still had a little bit before he had to be out at the farm. His first instinct was to stop and have a quiet cup of coffee at Java while he lamented the holiday season, but that was too reminiscent of his dream from the night before.
It didn’t have anything to do with the fact that in his dream, Luke and Noah were there, talking and laughing.
He trusted Luke, and he would not be going to Java.
Instead, Reid headed to Memorial, content to check in on a few patients and spread some holiday cheer to the pediatric ward (after threatening the nurses if they ever told anyone he’d been there). He was headed for his car when an ambulance pulled into the parking lot. The lights and sirens were flashing, and Reid found himself turning around to check it out.
Something unpleasant twisted in his stomach as he got a good look.
It was the same patient from his dream.
*
Reid walked away from the patient’s family, having just informed them that their son was in a coma, and there was nothing else they could do but wait for him to wake up.
He hated delivering bad news. It was awkward, unpleasant, and people either cried or got mad at him or both. It was the worst part of being a doctor, having to stare his failure in the face.
Reid sighed, and glanced at his watch. He held in a groan. He was way beyond late to be at the farm, and Luke was going to be pissed. Pulling out his phone, Reid dialed Luke’s familiar number.
“Hello?” Luke answered.
“It’s me,” Reid said. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, I got paged for a surgery.”
“I was beginning to wonder,” Luke replied, his anger coming through the phone loud and clear. Reid knew he had to choose his words carefully.
“I’m going to shower and change, and then I’ll be on my way,” Reid promised. Luke exhaled, loudly. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, Luke.”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed, still sounding upset. “Until another patient comes in and you forget that I exist.” Reid nearly dropped the phone.
“I’m sorry that someone nearly died on Christmas Eve and I had to try and save their life,” Reid snapped. “Some things aren’t about you.”
“So I’m figuring out,” Luke replied, and Reid felt like his words had a double meaning. Luke went quiet for a moment and then continued. “I’m sorry that your patient is in bad shape, and I’m sure it was terrible news to give his parents, especially on Christmas. I just…” He sighed. “Never mind. I’ll see you soon.”
“I’ll be there,” Reid finally said.
“I’m holding you to it, Doc.” Reid heard a voice call for Luke in the background as they hung up, and froze again. That familiar panic that Reid had been battling all day reared up again.
Noah was at the farm.
*
Reid vetoed going to home to shower and change. He decided to take a quick shower in the locker room, rushing in his haste to get to Luke.
He couldn’t stop this feeling of inevitability, and it infused his actions with panic. Memories from his dream ran through his head as the hot water washed over him.
When he came out of the shower, he was startled to find he wasn’t alone. Chris Hughes was sitting on the bench in front of his locker, head in his hands.
Reid cleared his throat and then went to his locker, opening it and taking his clothes out. Chris glanced at him as Reid slipped on a clean pair of boxers under his towel before letting the thick white cotton fall to the floor.
“Did Katie tell you?” Chris asked quietly.
“I haven’t seen Katie today,” Reid replied, though with the way that Reid’s day was going, he was suddenly turning into a psychic. “But let me see if I can guess. You couldn’t deal with how you nearly died and your parents retiring and marrying Katie so fast, and you decided that you needed to seek comfort elsewhere.”
“How did-“ Chris looked stunned.
“Because you’re an idiot, and only an idiot would do something like that to an amazing woman like Katie,” Reid stated, slipping on his shirt and buttoning it up. He slipped his tie around his neck and tied it, before tucking his shirt into his pants and fastening them.
“You don’t know anything about me,” Chris snapped. “Don’t you dare judge me.”
“My only consolation is at least now Katie knows the truth,” Reid said, grabbing his wallet and keys from inside the locker and shutting it. “Now maybe she’ll wise up and find someone who’s better for her.”
Reid started to walk away, when Chris grabbed him by the arm and slammed him back into the lockers. “You make sure you stay out of this, Reid.” Reid stared at him in surprise.
“Why? So you can convince Katie to take you back?” Reid asked. “I’m not letting that happen.”
“Just stay out of it!” Chris shouted.
“Get off me.” Reid shoved Chris away, and Chris stumbled back, falling to the floor. He got up, and took a swing at Reid. “Are you insane? I’m not going to fight you.”
“What the hell is going on here?” John Dixon’s voice demanded, just as Chris’ right hook connected with Reid’s eye.
*
The drive to the farm was done with Reid mostly in shock. He probably shouldn’t have been driving. His eye throbbed and he could feel it starting to swell. On top of that, Dr. Dixon had issued temporary suspensions to both him and Chris pending an investigation.
Reid wanted to bang his head into the wall. It seemed no matter what he did, he was going to be obscenely late for dinner at the farm.
It was with a heavy heart that Reid pulled up and got out of his car. He could see Luke waiting for him on the porch, and he was immediately filled with dread. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. It would not happen the same way in his dream.
It wouldn’t, because he wouldn’t let it.
“Hi,” Reid said quietly, moving to sit down next to him. Luke didn’t say anything; he just sat there. After a long moment of awkward silence, he looked up and me Reid’s gaze.
“Oh, God, Reid. Your face. What happened?” Luke exclaimed, reaching out a hand to touch his black eye gingerly. Reid hissed and pushed his hand away.
“Chris Hughes took insult with something I said,” Reid explained.
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him he was a jackass for cheating on Katie,” Reid answered. “Never mind, it’s fine.”
“You don’t look fine,” Luke said and then sighed as if he was heartbroken. “So you weren’t here because you picked a fight with Chris and then put your job in jeopardy? Nice, Reid.”
“I didn’t pick a fight,” Reid denied. “He started it.”
“So, what, you’re six now?” Luke snapped. “You’re a grown man, and you got into a fight with a co-worker today.”
“Damn it, Luke,” Reid clenched his teeth, trying to keep his anger at bay. “I was trying to get here to you, because it’s what you wanted. I don’t like Christmas, or the Christmas season, and I certainly don’t like your crazy ass family.” Reid paused when he saw that Luke looked horrified. “I was trying to get here.”
“Not hard enough it seems,” Luke countered. “Do you even care about me at all?”
“What?” Reid’s eyes went wide. “What kind of question is that?”
“A valid one,” Luke returned. “Because sometimes, Reid, I don’t feel like you do. I’m always third or fourth in your life.”
“You know that I’m…not good at relationships, Luke.”
“Stop making excuses!” Luke exclaimed.
“Luke,” Reid tried to stay calm. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to want to be with me,” Luke replied, emotion filling his voice.
“I do, Luke, you know I do.” Reid took his hand and held it tightly.
“Then why weren’t you here?” Luke’s voice went hoarse, and Reid could tell he was fighting back tears. “I asked you for this one thing, Reid. This one. And you promised.”
“I told you why,” Reid insisted.
“And yet, somehow that’s not good enough,” Luke muttered, pulling his hand away and standing up.
“I’m sorry,” Reid said, his voice soft. “I’m not perfect. I screw up, and sometimes I screw up royally. No, I didn’t really want to come today, but I tried to get here because you wanted me to.”
“Reid-" Luke tried to interrupt, but Reid was on a roll.
“Speaking of people who were here today, maybe you can explain what Noah was doing here?” Luke’s face flushed and for Reid, that was the absolute last straw. “I see.” He shoved his hands into his pockets on his coat, and moved around Luke to head for his car. “Guess you didn’t need me here after all.”
“Reid, wait!” Luke called, but Reid didn’t reply, just got into his car and drove away.
*
He slipped off his coat and sank down on the couch just as his phone buzzed, indicating a new text message. It was from Luke.
I can’t do this anymore. I think we need some time apart. I’m staying at the farm.
Reid dropped his phone on the coffee table, and went to the kitchen for a beer.
*
“You know, considering you’re a genius, I figured you’d be better at this,” Brad’s voice filled his ears, and Reid pulled his eyes from the end of It’s A Wonderful Life to glare at Katie’s dead husband.
“Says the dead guy,” Reid snapped. “So ‘yesterday’ wasn’t a dream.”
“Nope,” Brad said, sitting along the back edge of the couch and looking down where Reid lay on it. “I told you it wasn’t. You chose not to believe me.”
“I think I need an MRI and a CAT scan,” Reid ignored him. “Because shit like this does not happen.”
“This is Oakdale, Doctor,” Brad reminded him. “You’d be amazed at what happens here.”
“So is today just going to keep repeating until I’ve cracked and ended up in a padded cell?” Reid wanted to know.
“Yep,” Brad answered, grinning. “It repeats until you get it right. So don’t screw it up.”
With that, Brad was gone. Reid blinked at the empty room with bleary eyes.
He didn’t remember falling asleep.
iii.
Waking up with his cock inside Luke was something Reid knew he’d never get used to. That’s why Luke liked to do it. He gasped as Luke started to move, his eyes opening. He didn’t panic this time. He knew it wasn’t a dream now, what he had to do. He had to make it right, fix things so they didn’t go wrong.
He had to make it so he didn’t lose Luke.
Reid put his hands on Luke’s hips and slowed him down. He sat up, putting his arms around Luke and holding him. Luke rocked slowly, and Reid kissed him, their lips barely grazing. Luke whimpered.
“Early Christmas present?” Reid breathed against his lips.
“I thought you might like it,” Luke managed.
“I do,” Reid murmured. “Never want it to end.”
No matter how long he tried to draw it out, it was inevitable. Luke came first, his orgasm surprising him as he froze, clenching tightly around Reid’s cock. The sensation was enough to send Reid over the edge, much to his dismay. He pulled Luke to him, kissing him thoroughly.
Luke broke the kiss, panting.
“I love you,” Reid gasped. He didn’t say that much, but he wanted Luke to hear it. He planned on saying it as much as he could today.
“I love you, too,” Luke replied, smiling and stroking Reid’s cheek with the tip of his finger. “And I hate to do this, but I have to go. I’ve got a last minute meeting,” he said. “Then I’m all yours.”
“Cancel,” Reid urged, thinking fast. Luke couldn’t be apart from him today. Maybe everything went wrong because they separated. Reid didn’t know if that was true, but he’d try anything at this point.
“I can’t, Reid,” Luke refused. “I’ll be quick. Why don’t you head out to the farm and I’ll meet you there?”
“No, Luke, please. Let’s just… skip the farm and stay here in bed until tomorrow.”
“Are you trying to get out of Christmas with my family?”
“As much as I’d find that as motivation, no, I just…” Reid didn’t know how to explain. “No,” he said again, his voice softer. “Yeah, I’ll go out to the farm and wait.”
“My family means well, Reid. And it means a lot to me that you’re willing to spend time with them. I know if you just got to know them better, you’d see them the way that I do.” Luke kissed him softly and then got out of bed. “They love you.”
“Lucinda likes me,” Reid corrected him. “The rest of your family hates me. Except for maybe Faith - but only because I don’t put up with her bullshit. ”
“They don’t hate you,” Luke frowned. Reid bit his tongue letting it go.
“You’re gonna be late,” he spoke softly, and Luke headed for the bathroom after another kiss.
*
Reid decided he really would head out to the farm. Maybe that would only help things. After all, his problems all seemed to be centered on not making it to the farm until it was too late.
He pulled up in front of the familiar farmhouse, and put the car in park. Reid took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He could do this.
Reid walked up the front porch and stared at the patio furniture for a long moment. He and Luke had sat there twice and both times it had not ended well. He shook his head and went inside.
Emma was bustling around the kitchen, a million things cooking and smelling delicious. “Well, Reid, aren’t you early,” she said, turning around and spotting. “Lily and Holden aren’t even here yet. Is Luke with you?”
“Uh, no, he had a meeting. He’ll be here soon,” Reid explained.
“Well, come in, have a seat,” she urged. “How are things?”
“Good, I guess,” Reid shift uncomfortably. “I don’t really… do small talk.”
“Luke said as much,” Emma replied, setting a plate of cookies down in front of Reid. “He also said that you love my cookies.”
Reid gave her a smile, and picked up a cookie.
Maybe today was looking up after all.
*
Reid was in a good mood when Luke arrived, actually managing to not offend anyone (even Lily or Holden). Luke entered the house and smiled when he saw Reid.
“Hi.” He bent down and gave Reid a kiss.
“You’re late,” Reid teased.
“Yeah, well, I ended bumping into-" he was cut off when Noah walked into the kitchen.
“I see,” Reid replied. “I thought you were in California.” He looked at Noah.
“I got back last night,” Noah answered. “I didn’t want to miss a Snyder family Christmas.”
“Too bad you’re not family,” Reid muttered. “Excuse me.” He went around Luke and stepped out on to the porch. Maybe they did just bump into each other every time and ended up getting coffee.
All Reid knew was that he didn’t like it.
“Reid,” Luke came out onto the porch. “I can explain.”
“I can’t wait.” His tone was laced with false cheer. Luke opened his mouth speak and Reid’s pager went off.
Of course. He’d forgotten about the patient. He swallowed hard, checking the page. He would make the guy okay this time.
“I have to go.” Reid showed him the page and Luke sighed.
“It’s Christmas Eve,” Luke protested. “Can’t someone else do it?”
“No, Luke, there isn’t anyone else who can do this. I’m the only one who can,” Reid kept himself from snapping, but just barely. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” With that he kissed Luke quickly and headed out to his car.
*
Reid ran into the ER. Even with driving over the speed limit, he’d still taken way too long to reach the hospital. He went into the patient’s room, and stopped. The machine was flatlining and the doctor was calling time of death.
No.
No.
Reid forced himself to keep it together and talked briefly with the doctor before leaving the hospital.
He’d been too late.
*
Katie looked like a wreck when she opened her door. Reid stood there on the doorstep. He hadn’t wanted to go back to the farm; he hadn’t wanted to go home alone. At least with Katie, she’d distract him with her problems.
“Oh, man,” she said. “You look as bad as I feel.”
“Well, you look worse,” Reid replied, kissing her on the cheek as he entered the condo.
“You always say the sweetest things,” Katie teased, taking his coat. He sat down on the couch, glancing at Jacob, who was playing in his play pen.
“I do try,” Reid answered, going for a mocking grin.
“What happened?” Katie asked him.
“Lost a patient,” Reid whispered.
“Oh, Reid.” Katie sat down next to him and pulled him into her arms. Reid held himself stiffly.
“What are you doing, Goldilocks?” he asked.
“What’s it look like, Jerkface? I’m hugging you.”
“I don’t hug.”
“Shut up and get over it.” Katie ordered. Reid found himself relaxing a little.
“What’s got you upset?” He finally brought it up. He already knew, thanks to his magical time loop, but he wanted a distraction.
“Chris and his inability to keep his dick in his pants,” Katie snapped. “He slept with a nurse at the hospital. Can you believe it?”
“Actually…” Reid trailed off and Katie hit him on the arm. “Hey!”
“He’s still my husband, and I still love him.”
“He cheated on you Katie,” Reid pointed out. “You can’t just let that go.” They fell silent.
“Hey, why aren’t you out at the farm with Luke?” Katie asked. “I thought you two had grand family plans.”
“Let’s just say I’m not going back out there before I have to.”
*
“Where the hell are you?” Luke’s angry voice filled Reid’s ears. “I called the hospital and they said you’d left an hour ago.”
“Katie’s,” Reid answered into the phone. “She needed someone to talk to.”
“What’s wrong with Katie?” Luke wanted to know, his voice going from angry to concerned.
“Chris cheated on her.”
“Oh, no,” Luke murmured. “Is she okay?”
“I don’t know,” Reid told him. “I’m not really good at these things.” He sighed. “How much would you hate me if I bailed on today? I don’t think I can do dinner.”
“Reid, you promised,” Luke protested.
“I know,” Reid muttered. “I lost my patient, and Katie needs someone, and…”
“You lost your patient,” Luke’s voice sounded off.
“Yes,” Reid replied, irritated. He didn’t want to keep focusing on his failure.
“And you went to see Katie instead of coming out here and being with me?” Hurt permeated Luke’s tone.
“I didn’t purposely come running to Katie, Luke.” Reid sighed. “I just needed someone to talk to.”
“And you can’t talk to me?”
“You were already angry at me,” Reid muttered.
“Reid, I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to be there for you when you need me,” Luke reminded him. “And you’re supposed to be there for me when I need you.”
“I know that,” Reid spoke softly.
“I’m sorry, Reid,” Luke whispered. “I'm sorry you lost your patient and I’m sorry Katie’s upset, but this day is important to me - can you just come out for a little bit?”
“Yeah.” Reid pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, feeling a headache coming on. “I wouldn't want a little death to keep me from the inevitable Christmas cheer of watching your family's dysfunction.” He hung up and gritted his teeth.
No more delaying the inevitable.
*
When Reid got to the farm, Faith was sitting on the porch. Well, that was new. Of course, he was arriving later, and that might have changed things.
“Where’s Luke?” Reid jumped right in without greeting her.
“He’s in the barn,” Faith told him. “He’s really pissed at you, you know.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Noah’s here,” Faith replied. “He hasn’t left Luke alone for more than five minutes all day.” She rolled her eyes. “If I have to hear about his new film one more time, I think I’ll scream.”
“I thought you liked Noah,” Reid asked.
“I used too,” Faith answered, getting up and heading for the door to the kitchen. “Guess I grew up.”
Reid thanked her and turned, walking toward the barn. He heard footsteps and saw Noah in his path. Feeling ridiculous, Reid stepped into the shadows near the stables and waited for Noah to pass him. He didn’t want to deal with the squinty-eyed brain trust at the moment. “Luke?” he called out, walking inside the barn.
“Reid?” Luke came out of one of the stalls. His face was red and he looked like he’d been crying.
“Luke, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” Luke mumbled.
“Was it Noah?” Reid asked, moving toward Luke. “Did he do something to you?” Luke let out a bitter laugh.
“He just reminded me of all the things I’d been in denial about,” he told Reid.
“Like what?” Reid’s tongue felt heavy and thick.
“Like everything I’ve been trying to tell you for the last few weeks, Reid.” Luke cried. “You say you love me, but I don’t feel it. Excluding sex, what kind of relationship do we really have?” He paused, swallowing hard. “I need to do some serious thinking, and I’m going to need you to go.”
“That’s what you want?” Reid asked stiffly.
“Yes,” Luke choked out. He tangled his hands in his hair, and let out a strangled sound.
“You know what, Luke?” Reid could feel himself losing it, but suddenly didn’t care. “I did the best I could. I fucking hate Christmas and the idea of spending time with your family after the day I've had makes my skin crawl.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” Luke whispered, meeting his eyes. “We’re done.”
*
And so Reid began his familiar routine. Walk into the apartment. Throw his phone. Get a beer. Turn on the TV.
He couldn’t watch It’s A Wonderful Life again, though. He just couldn’t. He flipped through the channels and settled on some sports network instead.
“Think the Bears have a shot at the playoffs?” Brad said, and Reid simply turned to look at him. “You’re screwing this up, you know.”
“Really? What was your first clue?” Reid snapped. “If I’m doing such a terrible job, why don’t you tell me what I’m doing wrong?”
“Can’t,” Brad told him, “Against the rules.”
“Then shut up and let me go to sleep so I can try again.”
iv.
Reid stared at the closed front door to the apartment. Luke had just left for his meeting, after waking Reid once again with mind blowing sex. Reid didn’t know what to do. He clearly couldn’t deviate too much from his original plans for the day - Java, then hospital, then home to talk to Katie, then to the farm to fight with Luke - if he did things just got worse.
He got suspended for fighting with Chris or his patient died, or something horrible happened to make Luke cry. He couldn’t go through any of those again.
Reid felt stuck, his left hand tapping his thigh as the thought. With a sigh, he decided that he needed to try going to Java one more time, and see what happened.
*
He walked into Java and looked around. Luke and Noah were nowhere to be found, which confused him. They’d been there the first time he’d done this. Reid glanced at his watch, realizing he was later this time, and his stomach turned over sharply. He didn’t want to think about what it meant that they weren’t here.
He ordered a coffee but never got to drink it, because his pager went off before he could. Reid gripped the pager determinedly.
He was going to save this patient, and then he was going to save his and Luke’s relationship.
*
Reid walked out of the OR feeling the best he’d felt since this whole mess had started. He’d done it this time. Caught every bleed. Fixed him up.
The guy was going to be fine. Now Reid just had to find Luke.
*
He pit stopped by the house and managed to shower and change without running into Katie. Reid wasn’t sure if that meant she’d been there and didn’t find him or if he was early. Still, he picked up his phone and called Luke.
“I’m sorry, I got called into the hospital,”
“It’s your day off,” Luke sighed.
“I know, it couldn’t be helped,” Reid explained. “But I saved a life, and I’m on my way to the farm now.”
*
Reid found himself arriving before dinner this time, and was on his way to congratulating himself on a job well done when he saw them.
Luke and Noah.
Luke and Noah, sitting and talking quietly on the porch. Reid’s eyes narrowed. Maybe not enough had changed, otherwise Noah wouldn’t be here.
“You made it!” Luke said, getting up and crossing over to him. He greeted Reid with a kiss, and Reid deepened it, surprising Luke.
“I told you I would,” Reid replied against his mouth. Luke just smiled.
“Come on,” he said. “Everyone will want to see you.”
*
Everything was going well. Reid was actually starting to think that maybe this time he’d figured it out. He’d managed to turn things around. He and Luke would be fine.
Then his phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID.
“It’s Katie,” he murmured to Luke. “I’ll take it outside.” Luke nodded, taking a sip of his post dinner coffee. Reid could hear laughter as he headed outside and smiled.
“What’s up, Goldilocks?” Reid said into the phone.
“Reid, where are you?” she demanded.
“At the farm with Luke,” Reid told her.
“Crap, I’m sorry, I’ll let you go,” she sobbed.
“Katie, it’s okay. Calm down and tell me what’s going on,” he replied.
“It’s Chris.” Katie was still crying. “He told me that he cheated on me.”
“I’m sorry, Katie,” Reid said. “I know you love him.”
“I do,” she agreed. “But maybe… maybe it was too soon.”
“What was too soon?” Reid wanted to know.
“All of it. Getting married,” she answered. “It was too soon after Brad.”
“I could have told you that,” Reid commented, keeping his tone gentle. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” Katie whispered. “I just…needed someone to talk to. Thanks, Reid.” She laughed quietly. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Merry Christmas, Katie,” Reid said, smiling a little.
“Merry Christmas.” Reid hung up the phone.
Maybe this time things would turn out okay. He went back inside the farmhouse to find Faith washing the last of the dishes and an otherwise empty kitchen.
“Where’s Luke?”
“What am I, his mother?” Faith snarked. Reid smiled, arching an eyebrow at her. “Fine, he’s in the barn.”
The words sent a chill down Reid’s spine, but he shook it off. It didn’t mean anything. He wished Faith a Merry Christmas and then set off to find his boyfriend.
*
Reid stormed into his and Luke’s apartment, shaking with anger. What had he done wrong? Why had Luke…?
He couldn’t even think it, because if he did, he’d picture it. It was there, forever in his brain because he couldn’t forget it. Reid hadn’t been able to speak. He wasn’t even sure Luke had known he was there. He had just left, went home, turned on the TV and waited.
“I thought I had it figured out,” Reid said, feeling Brad appear next to him. “I don’t get it. Why would Luke be kissing Noah?” Brad rolled his eyes, and smacked Reid lightly upside the head. “Hey!” Reid protested, trying to duck away unsuccessfully. “Aren’t you supposed to be helping me instead of inflicting bodily injury?”
“Someone has to knock some sense into you,” Brad replied. “Might as well be me.”
“Isn’t that against some kind of code or something?” Reid asked, annoyed.
“I’m a ghost, not a saint,” Brad pointed out with a smirk. He picked up Reid’s cell phone and tossed it to Reid, who caught it on reflex. “And maybe you should think about answering your phone.” His phone had been vibrating since he’d gotten home and dropped it on the coffee table. Six messages, three texts, and all of them from Luke.
“That’s your grand advice?” Reid snapped. “Answer my phone? And don’t hit me again unless you want to die twice.”
“You want an explanation, don’t you?” Brad replied. “Think about it, Reid. You know Luke. You’ve seen how Luke is. Would he really cheat?”
“No,” Reid muttered softly. “No, he wouldn’t, Casper, but I know what I saw.”
“Oh, because the great Reid Oliver is never wrong, is that it?” Brad looked upset.
“Instead of doing your best imitation at life, why don’t you just… go away?” Reid told him.
“Yes, because you’re doing so swell on your own.” Brad’s tone was full of sarcasm. “Clearly.” Reid just glared. “Look, answer your phone or don’t. Either way, I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, he gave a wave and disappeared.
“The hell you will,” Reid promised. He swore he heard Brad laughing as he looked at his phone. Reid picked up the phone to check his messages, and it vibrated in his hand. Another text message from Luke flashed across the screen.
I think we need some time apart. I’m staying out at the farm.
Reid dropped the phone, and sank back into the couch with a sigh.
v.
Luke climbed off Reid and lay beside him on the bed. “Wow,” Luke managed, panting. “Merry Christmas to you too,” he teased, kissing Reid on the shoulder. Reid forced a smile. He couldn’t keep doing this. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong. He thought he’d fixed it all, but it had gone to shit anyway.
He held in a sigh, and kissed Luke instead. He wanted to beg Luke to stay, but knew from experience that Luke wouldn’t. So maybe the answer was that Reid should go with him.
“I’m late,” Luke said, rolling over and getting up from the bed. “I’ve got a meeting and then I’m all yours, Dr. Oliver.”
“Why don’t I come with you?” Reid suggested. “I’ll hang back until you’re done and then we can go out to the farm together.”
“Sure, that sounds great,” Luke told him. “Join me in the shower?”
Reid didn’t have to be asked twice.
*
He followed Luke into Java, and the two of them ordered, before finding a table. Luke’s phone vibrated with a message and he checked it.
“Oh, he canceled,” Luke said, looking down. “Guess we can finish our coffee and head out to the farm then.”
“Guess so,” Reid said, feeling a little panicked. He couldn’t leave yet. His pager would go off any time now for that patient and Reid had to be close by to save him.
He took a small sip of his drink and glanced around. His eyes widened as he saw Noah standing near the doorway, watching them. Well, that explained some things.
“I think you have a visitor,” Reid tilted his head in Noah’s direction.
“Noah!” Luke exclaimed. He got up, smiling and hugged Noah. Reid gritted his teeth, keeping his feelings to himself. “Come join us.” Luke offered.
Just then, Reid’s pager went off. He checked it, like he had every time so far, and sighed.
“I gotta go to the hospital.”
“But what about the farm?” Luke asked.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Reid promised.
“Reid, you promised,” Luke said.
“I know; I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Reid kissed him goodbye, before walking toward the door.
“Does he do that a lot?” He heard Noah ask as he walked out. Reid sighed.
*
Reid waltzed out of the OR. Two for two. He’d done it again.
He delivered the good news to the patient’s family, and set off to find Luke.
*
Chris Hughes cornered him at his car.
“Nice save today,” Chris said. Reid turned around and looked at him.
“It was.”
“Listen, Reid… can you do me a favor?” Chris asked, looking nervous.
“Haven’t I done you enough favors lately?” Reid reminded him. “I’d say getting you a heart is a pretty big one.”
“And I’m grateful,” Chris replied. “It’s Katie.”
“What about Katie?” Reid asked, taking the bait.
“I screwed up, but I still love her and she won’t even talk to me.”
“Let me guess, couldn’t keep it in your pants?” Reid’s voice was dry. “How tragic. She should just come running back.”
“Don’t you dare judge me, Reid,” Chris snapped. “You have no idea what I’ve been through.”
“Yes, I do, because I was right there, watching the whole time.” Reid refuted. “I know how much of an idiot you are.”
“Hey,” Chris protested, and then paused. “Look, this is not why I came over here.”
“So why did you then?” Reid’s patience had won out.
“Could you please just talk to Katie? Make her understand. She’ll listen to you,” Chris pleaded.
“Why would I do that?” Reid wanted to know. “You’ve hurt her for the last time, Doogie.”
“Please, Reid,” Chris begged. “I’m desperate. I need her to know I still love her.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you slept with someone else.” Reid told him. “I’m not going to help you out of this mess. You made your own bed, now you have to lie in it alone.”
With that, Reid got in his car and drove away.
*
Reid found that Luke was once again in the barn when he arrived. Dread pooled in his stomach. He almost didn’t go in there. He nearly turned around and walked back to his car and left.
Because he couldn’t watch Luke and Noah kiss again, he couldn't.
However, this wouldn’t be over unless Reid fixed what went wrong.
Reid opened the barn door warily, his eyes peeled for any movement. He froze, spotting Luke.
Luke, who was pressed up against the wall by Noah and being thoroughly kissed. Reid felt as if he were under water battling to the surface - the temperature of his skin dropped and his limbs felt heavy. He couldn’t process what was happening in front of him as he saw Luke push Noah roughly away and scrub at his mouth with both hands.
“What the hell, Noah?” Luke shouted, staring at ex-boyfriend in shock. “Why did you - Oh, my God, Reid,” Luke said, looking sick as he caught sight of Reid standing there.
“I was just-" Noah tried to speak.
“Save it!” Luke snapped, his eyes locked on Reid. “Nothing you say will make what you just did okay.”
“You had an early Christmas present for Noah too.” Reid finally found his words, speaking softly. He felt hollow inside, like the words were echoing through him. “How thoughtful of you.”
“What? No,” Luke said, looking terrified. “I can explain.”
“I can’t wait to hear it,” Reid felt numb. Cold. It was odd. “Let me guess. This isn’t what it looks like.”
“It isn’t! I didn't mean for this to happen,” Luke approached him. “I didn’t - I don’t - I love you, Reid.”
“This is love?” Reid asked him, glancing at Noah. “This is how you love someone?”
“Like you’re an expert,” Luke suddenly hissed. It was a like a switch had been flipped, and Luke glared at him. “Even medical school couldn’t teach you compassion.”
“What are you talking about?” Reid demanded, unsure how the tables had turned. “Are you seriously trying to make this my fault?”
“I didn’t - you’re never around!” Luke shouted, crossing his arms over his chest. “God, what I wouldn’t give for just one day where I come first, instead of that Goddamned hospital!” Luke paused, sniffling back tears. “Please, I know you’re hurt, but just let me explain. Noah, he was… he…”
“I don’t really want to know what he and you were doing. I saw enough, thanks.” Reid replied. “I don’t want your excuses, Luke. Don’t come home. I’ll send you your things.”
“Reid, don’t do this,” Luke begged.
“I didn’t do this,” Reid told him, turning and walking away. “You did.”
*
“I really thought you were smarter than this,” Brad said, settling onto the couch next to Reid.
“Fuck you,” Reid muttered. “Unless you’re here to tell me how I’m supposed to stop Noah from shoving his tongue down Luke’s throat, go away.” He got up and walked into the kitchen for another beer. It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t be hung over in the morning.
“What’s the point of doing this if Luke ends up with Noah?” Reid looked at Brad, who shrugged.
“You’re really kind of a pain in my ass, you know that?”
“It’s my natural charm,” Brad joked. “Just… you’re on the right track, Reid. Maybe you should try actually listening to what Luke says.”
“That’s your grand advice?” Reid snorted. “Why did they send you again?”
“Because I wanted to meet you,” Brad answered. “And no one else wanted to touch your case with a ten foot pole.” He leaned toward Reid. “You have a reputation for being difficult,” Brad whispered.
“If you weren’t a ghost, I’d…”
“What?” Brad laughed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re all bark and no bite, Dr. Oliver.”
“What will it take for you to go away?”
“Fix this and you never have to see me again,” Brad told him.
“That alone would be reward enough for me.”
i.
When Reid opened his eyes, Luke was already settled on his cock, rocking slowly, his head thrown back in ecstasy. Reid gripped his hips and held on tightly.
Something had to change. He couldn’t lose this. He couldn’t lose Luke.
Luke leaned down for a kiss. “You okay?” he breathed against Reid’s lips.
“Never better,” Reid groaned, fighting the urge to come already. This needed to last a little longer.
“I thought you could use an early Christmas Present,” Luke replied, with a teasing smile.
“You’re so thoughtful,” Reid gasped as Luke rolled his hips.
“I try.” Luke looked at him coyly, staring at Reid from under his eyelashes. “Come on, Reid,” he said. “Let go.”
Reid couldn’t hold back and thrust up, making Luke cry out. He came hard, gripping Luke’s hips tight enough that he probably left bruises. After a moment, he noticed that Luke was still hard, and slid out, rolling them so Luke was on his back on the bed. He sank his mouth down on Luke’s cock and sucked hard.
“Reid!” Luke let out a startled cry, his fingers tangling in Reid’s hair, scratching his scalp. “Oh, God.” His voice was strangled, and then he was coming, filling Reid’s mouth. Reid swallowed, and then kissed Luke with an intensity that shocked them both.
“Wow,” Luke finally spoke. “I got a present too.” Reid couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face.
“Just in case you don’t like your real present,” he replied. “There’s a very good chance I’ll screw that up.”
“I’ll love it, I’m sure,” Luke told him. “You know me better than anyone else.”
“I thought I did,” Reid murmured. “But now I’m wondering if I have it all wrong.”
“This sounds like it’s about more than just my present.” Luke looked concerned as he wrapped himself around Reid, burrowing up next to him.
“I just feel like…you’re going to wake up one day and realize I’m not what you wanted.”
“Never going to happen,” Luke promised. He glanced at the clock. “Oh, man, I’m way beyond late. I have a last minute meeting before I’m free for the holiday.”
“Cancel it,” Reid whispered, knowing now that the meeting would be canceled anyway. “Stay here with me.” He peppered kisses alongside Luke’s neck.
“I can’t, Reid.” Luke replied, tilting his head so that Reid could get better access.
“Why don’t you call him, see if he’s agreeable to rescheduling, and if not, you can meet this morning as planned,” Reid suggested. Luke raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“That’s actually a good idea,” Luke smiled. “You’re brilliant.”
“Genius, actually,” Reid agreed. Luke reached over and plucked his cell phone up from the bedside table. Reid watched as he dialed a number and then asked to be put through to his client. Luke spoke quietly, and Reid did his best not to distract him, though he couldn’t help running his hands across Luke’s chest while he talked. Luke shivered and shot him a hot look.
“Great, thank you,” Luke ended the call.
“Well?” Reid asked.
“He was going to cancel anyway,” Luke answered.
“So you’re not going anywhere?”
“Nope,” Luke replied. “Now that I suddenly have some extra time before we head out to the farm, why don’t we put it to good use?” He wore a devilish grin and his eyes were dark with desire.
“You’re insatiable,” Reid breathed.
“You love it.”
“I do,” Reid agreed. “I really do.”
*
Reid’s pager went off as they got out of the shower. Reid had just pulled on his shirt, and was tucking it into his pants when he heard the familiar beeping.
“No,” Luke whined, looking at him.
“I have to, Luke,” Reid said. “You know they wouldn’t page me unless it was important.”
“I know,” he sighed. “Why do you have to be so amazing?”
“I was just born that way,” Reid replied, kissing him. “I’ll check in, see what’s up, and meet you out at the farm, okay?”
“Yeah,” Luke smiled.
“Oh, do me a favor, will you?” Reid turned around, shoving his wallet into his pocket and picking up his keys.
“Sure.”
“Call Katie and invite her and the drool machine out to the farm for dinner. I have a feeling she’s going to need the distraction today.”
“You are something else, you know that?” Luke told him. Reid pulled Luke into his arms, kissing him again.
“I’ve heard that.” Luke laughed, and Reid actually felt things might be okay if he left.
*
When Reid was good, he was very, very good.
He’d done it again, and his patient was going to be just fine.
Hope unfurled in his chest.
Maybe today. Maybe this time he’d get it right.
*
When he got out to the farm, he found himself with an armful of Katie and a pile of blond hair in his face.
“How did you know I would need this today?” she asked, voice muffled where her face was buried into his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Reid patted her shoulder awkwardly. He saw Luke standing on the porch over her shoulder, smiling at them. “Where’s the snot monster?” Katie slapped his chest playfully, and pulled back.
“He’s inside, entertaining Emma,” she replied, taking his hand and leading him up to the porch.
“Hey, you,” Reid greeted Luke, letting go of Katie’s hand and pulling Luke to him in order to kiss him senseless.
“Hi,” Luke replied breathlessly once Reid stopped kissing him. “Good surgery?”
“Did you expect anything else?” Reid kissed him again. “Let’s go inside - I smell food.”
Luke laughed and took Reid’s hand as they went into the kitchen. Reid looked around, and saw only Emma and Jacob in there. He heard voices from down the hall in the living room.
“Who all is here?” he wanted to know, slipping off his coat.
“My parents and my brother and sisters,” Luke answered. “Grandmother should be here any time, and I think Bob and Kim might stop by at some point since they’re in town.” Luke took Reid’s coat as he answered.
Reid exhaled out loudly.
Noah wasn’t here.
Maybe he was onto something after all.
*
Dinner was a joyful affair. Normally, Luke’s family drove him insane, but the kids were actually well behaved, and with Katie and Luke as a buffer, he refrained from insulting anyone too terribly during the meal.
Things were actually going well.
Someone knocked at the door, and Reid tensed. Emma rose and answered it.
“Noah!” she exclaimed, letting him in. Noah stood there, looking a little awkward.
“Hi, everyone.” Noah waved.
“Noah!” Lily exclaimed, the first one out of her seat to hug him. Luke got up slowly.
“I didn’t know you were back in town,” Luke spoke quietly.
“I wasn’t sure I should come,” Noah replied.
“Nonsense,” Lily interjected. “You’re always welcome.” Noah gave her a smile, and Reid’s stomach turned a little.
“Want to go for a walk?” He looked at Luke.
“Yeah,” Luke grabbed their coats from the coat rack. “It was good to see you, Noah,” Luke told him, taking Reid’s hand and leading them outside. They slid their coats on, and Reid put his arm around Luke’s shoulders to keep him close. Luke rested his head on Reid’s shoulder as they walked.
“Why don’t we head to the pond?” Reid suggested. Luke’s smile lit up the night.
“You always seem to know just what I need.”
*
They sank down onto the cool grass, shivering in the chilly air.
“Luke?” Reid said his name, breaking their silence. Luke looked at him curiously. “We’re okay, aren’t we?”
“What do you mean?” Luke wore an apprehensive expression now.
“Things between us, they’re okay, right?” Reid asked again.
“Why are you asking me this?” Luke whispered.
“Because I feel like maybe I’ve been taking you for granted,” Reid told him. “That I’ve just been expecting you to be there.”
“Reid-"
“Let me finish,” Reid interrupted, knowing he had to get this out or he never would. He wasn’t the heart on his sleeve type. “I’ve been spending a lot of time at the hospital,” he said. “I know you’ve been feeling neglected.”
“I didn’t want to tell you,” Luke murmured.
“I’m sorry,” Reid apologized. “I never meant to make you feel like you mean less to me than the hospital. It’s been a crazy time of adjustment since Bob retired.”
Luke just regarded him silently.
“I’m going to do better,” Reid promised. “I’m going to do what I can to make sure you come first.”
“Oh, Reid.” Luke snuggled up next to him. “You don’t know how much I needed to hear that.” They fell silent again. “Think it’ll snow?” Luke wondered.
“It’s hard to say,” Reid replied. “But since you Snyders seem to get your way, it probably will if you want it too.”
“Does that mean I can have my way with you?” Luke cupped his hand over Reid’s check, and pressed a kiss to Reid’s lips.
“What, here?” Reid was surprised. “It’s freezing.”
“We can’t… do anything tonight,” Luke muttered. “Grandma has rules about pre-marital sex in the house.” Reid snorted.
“What are you waiting for then?” Reid asked, pulling Luke onto his lap. “I’m all yours.”
Epilogue
Waking up next to Luke on Christmas morning very nearly brought tears to Reid’s eyes; he’d done it - Luke wasn’t going to leave him.
He didn’t even care when the kids busted in at an un-Godly hour, demanding Luke wake up their parents so they could open presents.
He’d finally gotten his one perfect Christmas.
Author: slayerkitty
Genre: AU, T?WT?, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Lots of angst, Noah, Implied infidelity, Somnophilia
Spoilers: through September 2, 2010.
Pairings: Luke/Reid, Past Luke/Noah, Chris/Katie
Disclaimer: As the World Turns and it's characters are not mine, no matter how much I enjoy playing with them. :)
Word Count: 11,389
Summary: Five Christmases that never happened (and one that did).
Author's Note: So this fic started out as a fill for moerlin on the LuRe drabble-a-thon. Several frustrating weeks later (oh, God, this fic, what you have done to me), the result ended up being over 11,000 words. So, not a drabble, LOL. I need to profusely thank lemondrop34, alissablue, and my wifey stl29tide for listening to me bitch and moan about this fic, beg them for advice, and force me to edit this thing, because it needed it so, so badly. In fact, a few sentences in here actually belong to lemondrop34. So, that all being said, here it is. I hope you guys like it! :D
i.
Reid hated Christmas.
It wasn’t necessarily the religious aspect he didn’t like (though that played a part), but it was that everything and everyone surrounding the holiday was fake.
Santa Claus wasn’t real. He didn’t come down the chimney and leave presents for good little boys and girls. He was a lie parents told their kids to force them to behave and make them believe in magic.
People preached kindness and goodwill toward men and then turned around and trampled people in their rush for Black Friday deals.
He hated the whole mess. If he could fast forward the year from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day, he would.
In fact, he wished he could avoid celebrating the holiday altogether. Luke had begged him for this time, though, and Reid had finally given in. It had been a hard few months of adjustment for him and Luke - crazy schedules, Reid being paged at all hours (for a small town, Oakdale had a surprising number of emergency brain and spine injuries), as well their sometimes clashing personalities had made for a rough transition.
Those were the cheery thoughts swirling in his head as he made his way through Old Town on Christmas Eve morning. It was his and Luke’s first Christmas together, and Reid had actually taken time off to spend it with Luke and his family at the farm. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours would be spent with Luke’s family, while they all professed to love each other before stabbing each other in the back. He couldn’t wait to watch them struggle to play happy family while covering up what was sure to be one crisis or another that Luke would feel the need to fix.
Reid wondered if he was some kind of masochist for agreeing to go, but Luke had looked at him with those big brown eyes and Reid had been lost. Of course he’d said yes. Luke’s happiness (and the outstanding blow job he’d gotten as a result) had made Reid think it might turn out okay.
Now it was the morning of Christmas Eve, and Reid just wanted the whole thing over with.
He stepped into Java, enjoying the smell of freshly brewing coffee. Reid went to the counter, placing his order with the girl standing there. “And don’t screw it up,” he added, handing her money. She took it without a word, and Reid turned around, observing the crowd as he waited.
He heard a familiar laugh and turned to see an equally familiar blond haired man sitting at one of the tables. Reid frowned, wondering what Luke was doing there. His boyfriend had left in a rush that morning, claiming a last minute meeting and that he’d meet Reid at the farm in an hour. Reid moved slightly closer to see who Luke was speaking with and then froze.
Luke was sitting, talking and laughing with one Noah Mayer.
So Luke’s important meeting on Christmas Eve morning was coffee with his ex-boyfriend? Reid swallowed hard, and then turned around. The barista behind the counter handed him his drink, and he took it, leaving Java behind. He went outside, finding a bench and sat down.
Visions of Luke and Noah danced in his head, and all the old insecurities Reid had thought were gone came rushing back. He sighed just as his pager went off. He glanced down at it and frowned. It was an emergency page, which meant head trauma. Since the hospital had been made away that contacting him during the holiday would be a one way ticket to a pink slip, Reid knew it had to be bad. He downed his remaining coffee in one large gulp and tossed the cup in the trash as he dialed his phone.
“Yes, this is Dr. Oliver. You paged me?”
*
Reid walked out of the OR, his surgical mask clenched in his fist. He should have seen this coming. He should have been able to anticipate.
He was better than this.
The surgery had gone well until one of the nurses had come in with a message from Luke wondering where he was. Reid had sworn under his breath and then ordered the nurse to tell Luke he’d call him back.
Then things had taken a turn for the worse, the patient he was operating on started to bleed out, and it was suddenly a miracle that the guy wasn’t dead on the operating table. Reid had sent the patient off to ICU in a medically induced coma and now was on his way to tell the family that their son would not be home for Christmas this year.
*
He glanced at his watch again, knowing he was beyond late for the family festivities at the farm. He pulled out his phone and called Luke.
“Hello,” Luke answered. His tone was low and quiet, two things that were a sure sign of Luke’s mood. He was pissed.
“I know you’re angry with me,” Reid said right away. “But it couldn’t be helped.”
“Reid, you are not the only doctor at that hospital.”
“No, but I’m only one who knew how to do the surgery needed,” Reid countered. “And you’re complaining about me working, but you had a meeting this morning too.”
“My meeting was just that, Reid, a meeting,” Luke snapped, and Reid knew he was truly pissed now. “It wasn’t a five hour surgery, and I didn’t forget to call and tell you where I was going to be either.”
“I’m sorry,” Reid replied. “Next tell I’ll just tell the parents of my patient that I’m sorry I couldn’t save their son’s life, my boyfriend needs me home for Christmas dinner with his insane family, half of whom should probably be locked up in an institution somewhere.”
“Reid, that’s not fair,” Luke said. “You know that’s not what I…” He trailed off. “How was the surgery?”
“He’s in a coma,” Reid answered stiffly.
“I’m sure you did your best,” Luke sounded merely upset now. “Just… I feel like I never see you anymore. This was supposed to be our time to reconnect.”
“I know that,” Reid muttered. “I’m going to go home, shower and change. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” As he hung up the phone, he heard someone call for Luke in the background and froze.
Noah was at the farm.
*
He’d had the best of intentions. Grab a quick shower, change his clothes, and head to the farm.
Nowhere in there did he plan for a hysterical Katie Hughes to end up on his and Luke’s doorstep. He and Luke had been living together since late October, once Noah had flown out to LA and things had settled down after Chris’ heart transplant, and he’d come home to live with Katie.
“He told me it was a nurse, Reid,” Katie cried into a crumpled up Kleenex in her hand. “He said it was just once and it didn’t mean anything, but I…” she sobbed again.
“Katie,” Reid said, uncomfortable. He wasn’t good at this kind of thing, and he wished Luke was there. Luke always knew what to say to make others feel better. Oh, crap. Luke. He looked at his watch. He should have been at the farm an hour ago.
“What do I do, Reid?” Katie asked, sniffling. “Do I believe him? He’s had such hard time coming to terms with the transplant, and…” she trailed off. “Reid?”
“What?” he asked, looking at her.
“Are you even listening to me?” Katie wanted to know, sounding a little angry. “I’m pouring my heart out here.”
“Of course I am,” Reid answered. “Your husband is an idiot who can’t keep it in his pants.”
“Reid!” Katie made a strangled sound in her throat. “You’re supposed to be making me feel better and telling me what to do.”
Reid had had enough.
“You know what I think, Katie,” Reid reminded her. “I told you that marrying him was a bad idea.”
“Oh, thanks, Reid. ‘I told you so’ is exactly what I want to hear right now.” Katie snapped.
“I’m telling you how it is, Katie. You’re too good for him. Ditch the loser,” Reid told him. “We’ll all be better off.”
“I should have known you’d be the wrong person to talk to about this,” Katie stood up, angry now. “Why can’t you ever be understanding and supportive?”
“What do you want me to say, Katie? I told you when you married him that you were moving too fast, and you let your emotions get the better of you anyway.” Reid was getting angry now too. “Now you’re here crying to me about it. Of course I’m going to say ‘I told you so’. Maybe next time you’ll think before you do something.”
“Fine,” Katie stalked toward the door. “I have no idea how Luke puts up with you,” she tossed back before opened the door and stepping out into the hall. The door slammed shut behind her as Reid glanced at his watch again.
“I don’t either,” he muttered to the empty room before grabbing his coat and walking out.
*
Reid took a deep breath before opening the door to the porch of the farmhouse. He wasn’t sure what kind of reception he was going to get, but it probably wouldn’t be a good one. Reid stopped short - Luke was sitting on the porch staring at him in the darkness.
“Hi,” Reid said quietly, moving to sit down next to him. Luke didn’t say anything, just sat there.
“Where were you?” Luke finally asked. He wouldn’t meet Reid’s gaze.
“It’s not important,” Reid told him. “I’m here now.”
“It was apparently important enough to not show up until after we’ve already eaten, and the kids are upstairs getting ready for bed.”
“Luke, I tried to get here,” Reid started to explain.
“Not hard enough it seems,” Luke countered. “Do you even care about me at all?”
“What?” Reid’s eyes went wide. “What kind of question is that?”
“A valid one,” Luke returned. “Because sometimes, Reid, I don’t feel like you do. I asked you for one thing, Reid; to spend Christmas with me and my family.”
“You know that I’m…not good at relationships, Luke. I’m trying, okay?”
“Stop making excuses!” Luke exclaimed. “You keep telling me that I’m a grown man, and I need to act like it. I’m telling you the same thing,” he continued. “Grow up, Reid.”
“Luke.” Reid tried to stay calm. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to want to be with me,” Luke replied, emotion filling his voice.
“I do, Luke, you know I do.” Reid took his hand and held it tightly.
“You say that, but I don’t feel it.” Luke’s voice went hoarse, and Reid could tell he was fighting back tears. “Ever since we moved into together I feel like you take me for granted. You’re late all the time, you wrapped up in your work when you are home, and I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.”
“I don’t know what else I can say.” Reid felt defeated. “I’m trying.”
“It’s not good enough,” Luke muttered, pulling his hand away and standing up. “I feel like I’m competing with Memorial for your affection or something. It’s not right, Reid. I’ve been in a relationship where I wasn’t the priority, and I swore to myself I wouldn’t do it again.”
“I’m sorry,” Reid said, his voice soft. “But if this last year spending time with you has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not perfect. I screw up, and sometimes I screw up royally. No, I didn’t really want to come today and spend time with your batshit crazy family, but I tried to get here because you wanted me to.”
“Reid-" Luke tried to interrupt, but Reid was on a roll.
“And while we’re on the subject of people who were here today, maybe you can explain what Noah was doing here?” Luke’s face flushed and for Reid, that was the absolute last straw. “I see.” He shoved his hands into his pockets on his coat, and moved around Luke to head for his car. “Guess you didn’t need me here after all.”
“Reid, wait!” Luke called, but Reid didn’t reply, just got into his car and drove away.
*
Everything felt wrong. Reid was unsettled as he stepped into his and Luke’s apartment. The air felt electric, and he didn’t know why. He felt like all his hair was standing on end and it was all wrong, wrong, wrong.
He slipped off his coat and sank down on the couch just as his phone buzzed, indicating a new text message. It was from Luke.
I can’t do this anymore. I think we need some time apart. I’m staying at the farm.
Well, it was official. Today could not get any worse. He chucked his phone into the arm chair and then got up. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Reid popped the top open, and went back to the couch to sit down.
Two beers and one viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life that had Reid yelling at the TV due to the characters’ idiocy, and he was finally tired. He felt himself dozing off right there on the couch, unable to bring himself to move.
His last thoughts before sleep claimed him were of Luke, and how he wished he could go back and do it the day over again.
*
A sudden weight moved the cushions on the couch and Reid startled awake. “Luke?” he mumbled.
“Not Luke,” a male voice answered. Reid’s eyes shot open and he sat up, coming face to face with a dark haired man. “Holy shit,” he swore, taking in the man he saw before him - a man that until this point, he’d only seen in pictures. “You’re…”
“Yep,” the man said.
“But you’re…” Reid couldn’t seem to complete a sentence.
“Dead?” the man chuckled. “Yep.”
“How much did I have to drink?” Reid asked, rubbing his eyes.
“Let’s cut to the chase here, Reid.” The man smiled. “You’re not drunk, you’re not asleep, and you’re not dead.”
“Then how?” Reid looked at him with confusion. His logical mind wouldn’t allow what this man was implying to be true.
“It’s the miracle of Christmas,” he said, making his voice dramatic and waving his hands around crazily. “And I’m here to grant your wish.”
Reid snorted. “What, you’re a genie now?”
“Something like that,” he answered. “You want to do this day over, right?” Reid gaped at him. “Well, you’re going to… until you get it right. Merry Christmas.”
“What?” Reid couldn’t believe what he was hearing, let alone seeing.
“You’re getting a do over, man,” he repeated. “Do us all a favor and don’t screw it up.” He paused. “And tell Katie…tell her I still love her, and Jacob, and I hope she’s happy.”
With that, Reid watch in disbelief as Bradley Snyder disappeared right in front of his eyes.
ii.
Reid’s eyes shot open the moment he felt his cock slide into Luke’s ass. Disoriented, he could only stare at Luke with wide eyes. Luke, who was rocking slowly now, sending shock after shock of pleasure shooting through Reid. Reid didn’t understand. Had Luke come home? Were they making up now?
“I thought you might like an early Christmas present,” Luke panted, his hips moving faster now. Reid groaned, the only sound he could make to express what he was feeling - because Luke had said that exact thing to him yesterday morning. Events of the previous day, culminating in last night’s ghostly visit flashed through Reid’s mind and he dug his fingers into Luke’s hips tighter, making Luke groan.
It was just a bad dream. It had to be.
Or maybe a brain tumor, because people did not repeat days over and over.
Reid fought the panic surging through him, as he thrust harder and harder into Luke, who cried out and then came with a shudder and a gasp. Reid followed a moment later, capturing Luke’s lips in a desperate kiss.
“Wow, what’s gotten into you?” Luke murmured as he moved off Reid. “Not that I didn’t love it, but you’re usually not so forceful in the morning.”
Reid couldn’t think of anything to say, just kind of shrugged and kissed Luke again. Luke pulled away and glanced at the clock. “I’m late,” he said, rolling out of bed. “I’ve got a quick meeting, and then I’m heading out to the farm.” Reid’s eyes widened.
Just a weird coincidence, he told himself. It didn’t mean anything at all.
“Okay,” Reid replied. “How long will you be?”
“About an hour or so,” Luke replied, giving Reid one last kiss before getting off the bed. “I’ll meet you out at the farm.”
With that, Luke disappeared into the bathroom, and Reid was left staring after him.
*
Reid still had a little bit before he had to be out at the farm. His first instinct was to stop and have a quiet cup of coffee at Java while he lamented the holiday season, but that was too reminiscent of his dream from the night before.
It didn’t have anything to do with the fact that in his dream, Luke and Noah were there, talking and laughing.
He trusted Luke, and he would not be going to Java.
Instead, Reid headed to Memorial, content to check in on a few patients and spread some holiday cheer to the pediatric ward (after threatening the nurses if they ever told anyone he’d been there). He was headed for his car when an ambulance pulled into the parking lot. The lights and sirens were flashing, and Reid found himself turning around to check it out.
Something unpleasant twisted in his stomach as he got a good look.
It was the same patient from his dream.
*
Reid walked away from the patient’s family, having just informed them that their son was in a coma, and there was nothing else they could do but wait for him to wake up.
He hated delivering bad news. It was awkward, unpleasant, and people either cried or got mad at him or both. It was the worst part of being a doctor, having to stare his failure in the face.
Reid sighed, and glanced at his watch. He held in a groan. He was way beyond late to be at the farm, and Luke was going to be pissed. Pulling out his phone, Reid dialed Luke’s familiar number.
“Hello?” Luke answered.
“It’s me,” Reid said. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, I got paged for a surgery.”
“I was beginning to wonder,” Luke replied, his anger coming through the phone loud and clear. Reid knew he had to choose his words carefully.
“I’m going to shower and change, and then I’ll be on my way,” Reid promised. Luke exhaled, loudly. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, Luke.”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed, still sounding upset. “Until another patient comes in and you forget that I exist.” Reid nearly dropped the phone.
“I’m sorry that someone nearly died on Christmas Eve and I had to try and save their life,” Reid snapped. “Some things aren’t about you.”
“So I’m figuring out,” Luke replied, and Reid felt like his words had a double meaning. Luke went quiet for a moment and then continued. “I’m sorry that your patient is in bad shape, and I’m sure it was terrible news to give his parents, especially on Christmas. I just…” He sighed. “Never mind. I’ll see you soon.”
“I’ll be there,” Reid finally said.
“I’m holding you to it, Doc.” Reid heard a voice call for Luke in the background as they hung up, and froze again. That familiar panic that Reid had been battling all day reared up again.
Noah was at the farm.
*
Reid vetoed going to home to shower and change. He decided to take a quick shower in the locker room, rushing in his haste to get to Luke.
He couldn’t stop this feeling of inevitability, and it infused his actions with panic. Memories from his dream ran through his head as the hot water washed over him.
When he came out of the shower, he was startled to find he wasn’t alone. Chris Hughes was sitting on the bench in front of his locker, head in his hands.
Reid cleared his throat and then went to his locker, opening it and taking his clothes out. Chris glanced at him as Reid slipped on a clean pair of boxers under his towel before letting the thick white cotton fall to the floor.
“Did Katie tell you?” Chris asked quietly.
“I haven’t seen Katie today,” Reid replied, though with the way that Reid’s day was going, he was suddenly turning into a psychic. “But let me see if I can guess. You couldn’t deal with how you nearly died and your parents retiring and marrying Katie so fast, and you decided that you needed to seek comfort elsewhere.”
“How did-“ Chris looked stunned.
“Because you’re an idiot, and only an idiot would do something like that to an amazing woman like Katie,” Reid stated, slipping on his shirt and buttoning it up. He slipped his tie around his neck and tied it, before tucking his shirt into his pants and fastening them.
“You don’t know anything about me,” Chris snapped. “Don’t you dare judge me.”
“My only consolation is at least now Katie knows the truth,” Reid said, grabbing his wallet and keys from inside the locker and shutting it. “Now maybe she’ll wise up and find someone who’s better for her.”
Reid started to walk away, when Chris grabbed him by the arm and slammed him back into the lockers. “You make sure you stay out of this, Reid.” Reid stared at him in surprise.
“Why? So you can convince Katie to take you back?” Reid asked. “I’m not letting that happen.”
“Just stay out of it!” Chris shouted.
“Get off me.” Reid shoved Chris away, and Chris stumbled back, falling to the floor. He got up, and took a swing at Reid. “Are you insane? I’m not going to fight you.”
“What the hell is going on here?” John Dixon’s voice demanded, just as Chris’ right hook connected with Reid’s eye.
*
The drive to the farm was done with Reid mostly in shock. He probably shouldn’t have been driving. His eye throbbed and he could feel it starting to swell. On top of that, Dr. Dixon had issued temporary suspensions to both him and Chris pending an investigation.
Reid wanted to bang his head into the wall. It seemed no matter what he did, he was going to be obscenely late for dinner at the farm.
It was with a heavy heart that Reid pulled up and got out of his car. He could see Luke waiting for him on the porch, and he was immediately filled with dread. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. It would not happen the same way in his dream.
It wouldn’t, because he wouldn’t let it.
“Hi,” Reid said quietly, moving to sit down next to him. Luke didn’t say anything; he just sat there. After a long moment of awkward silence, he looked up and me Reid’s gaze.
“Oh, God, Reid. Your face. What happened?” Luke exclaimed, reaching out a hand to touch his black eye gingerly. Reid hissed and pushed his hand away.
“Chris Hughes took insult with something I said,” Reid explained.
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him he was a jackass for cheating on Katie,” Reid answered. “Never mind, it’s fine.”
“You don’t look fine,” Luke said and then sighed as if he was heartbroken. “So you weren’t here because you picked a fight with Chris and then put your job in jeopardy? Nice, Reid.”
“I didn’t pick a fight,” Reid denied. “He started it.”
“So, what, you’re six now?” Luke snapped. “You’re a grown man, and you got into a fight with a co-worker today.”
“Damn it, Luke,” Reid clenched his teeth, trying to keep his anger at bay. “I was trying to get here to you, because it’s what you wanted. I don’t like Christmas, or the Christmas season, and I certainly don’t like your crazy ass family.” Reid paused when he saw that Luke looked horrified. “I was trying to get here.”
“Not hard enough it seems,” Luke countered. “Do you even care about me at all?”
“What?” Reid’s eyes went wide. “What kind of question is that?”
“A valid one,” Luke returned. “Because sometimes, Reid, I don’t feel like you do. I’m always third or fourth in your life.”
“You know that I’m…not good at relationships, Luke.”
“Stop making excuses!” Luke exclaimed.
“Luke,” Reid tried to stay calm. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to want to be with me,” Luke replied, emotion filling his voice.
“I do, Luke, you know I do.” Reid took his hand and held it tightly.
“Then why weren’t you here?” Luke’s voice went hoarse, and Reid could tell he was fighting back tears. “I asked you for this one thing, Reid. This one. And you promised.”
“I told you why,” Reid insisted.
“And yet, somehow that’s not good enough,” Luke muttered, pulling his hand away and standing up.
“I’m sorry,” Reid said, his voice soft. “I’m not perfect. I screw up, and sometimes I screw up royally. No, I didn’t really want to come today, but I tried to get here because you wanted me to.”
“Reid-" Luke tried to interrupt, but Reid was on a roll.
“Speaking of people who were here today, maybe you can explain what Noah was doing here?” Luke’s face flushed and for Reid, that was the absolute last straw. “I see.” He shoved his hands into his pockets on his coat, and moved around Luke to head for his car. “Guess you didn’t need me here after all.”
“Reid, wait!” Luke called, but Reid didn’t reply, just got into his car and drove away.
*
He slipped off his coat and sank down on the couch just as his phone buzzed, indicating a new text message. It was from Luke.
I can’t do this anymore. I think we need some time apart. I’m staying at the farm.
Reid dropped his phone on the coffee table, and went to the kitchen for a beer.
*
“You know, considering you’re a genius, I figured you’d be better at this,” Brad’s voice filled his ears, and Reid pulled his eyes from the end of It’s A Wonderful Life to glare at Katie’s dead husband.
“Says the dead guy,” Reid snapped. “So ‘yesterday’ wasn’t a dream.”
“Nope,” Brad said, sitting along the back edge of the couch and looking down where Reid lay on it. “I told you it wasn’t. You chose not to believe me.”
“I think I need an MRI and a CAT scan,” Reid ignored him. “Because shit like this does not happen.”
“This is Oakdale, Doctor,” Brad reminded him. “You’d be amazed at what happens here.”
“So is today just going to keep repeating until I’ve cracked and ended up in a padded cell?” Reid wanted to know.
“Yep,” Brad answered, grinning. “It repeats until you get it right. So don’t screw it up.”
With that, Brad was gone. Reid blinked at the empty room with bleary eyes.
He didn’t remember falling asleep.
iii.
Waking up with his cock inside Luke was something Reid knew he’d never get used to. That’s why Luke liked to do it. He gasped as Luke started to move, his eyes opening. He didn’t panic this time. He knew it wasn’t a dream now, what he had to do. He had to make it right, fix things so they didn’t go wrong.
He had to make it so he didn’t lose Luke.
Reid put his hands on Luke’s hips and slowed him down. He sat up, putting his arms around Luke and holding him. Luke rocked slowly, and Reid kissed him, their lips barely grazing. Luke whimpered.
“Early Christmas present?” Reid breathed against his lips.
“I thought you might like it,” Luke managed.
“I do,” Reid murmured. “Never want it to end.”
No matter how long he tried to draw it out, it was inevitable. Luke came first, his orgasm surprising him as he froze, clenching tightly around Reid’s cock. The sensation was enough to send Reid over the edge, much to his dismay. He pulled Luke to him, kissing him thoroughly.
Luke broke the kiss, panting.
“I love you,” Reid gasped. He didn’t say that much, but he wanted Luke to hear it. He planned on saying it as much as he could today.
“I love you, too,” Luke replied, smiling and stroking Reid’s cheek with the tip of his finger. “And I hate to do this, but I have to go. I’ve got a last minute meeting,” he said. “Then I’m all yours.”
“Cancel,” Reid urged, thinking fast. Luke couldn’t be apart from him today. Maybe everything went wrong because they separated. Reid didn’t know if that was true, but he’d try anything at this point.
“I can’t, Reid,” Luke refused. “I’ll be quick. Why don’t you head out to the farm and I’ll meet you there?”
“No, Luke, please. Let’s just… skip the farm and stay here in bed until tomorrow.”
“Are you trying to get out of Christmas with my family?”
“As much as I’d find that as motivation, no, I just…” Reid didn’t know how to explain. “No,” he said again, his voice softer. “Yeah, I’ll go out to the farm and wait.”
“My family means well, Reid. And it means a lot to me that you’re willing to spend time with them. I know if you just got to know them better, you’d see them the way that I do.” Luke kissed him softly and then got out of bed. “They love you.”
“Lucinda likes me,” Reid corrected him. “The rest of your family hates me. Except for maybe Faith - but only because I don’t put up with her bullshit. ”
“They don’t hate you,” Luke frowned. Reid bit his tongue letting it go.
“You’re gonna be late,” he spoke softly, and Luke headed for the bathroom after another kiss.
*
Reid decided he really would head out to the farm. Maybe that would only help things. After all, his problems all seemed to be centered on not making it to the farm until it was too late.
He pulled up in front of the familiar farmhouse, and put the car in park. Reid took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He could do this.
Reid walked up the front porch and stared at the patio furniture for a long moment. He and Luke had sat there twice and both times it had not ended well. He shook his head and went inside.
Emma was bustling around the kitchen, a million things cooking and smelling delicious. “Well, Reid, aren’t you early,” she said, turning around and spotting. “Lily and Holden aren’t even here yet. Is Luke with you?”
“Uh, no, he had a meeting. He’ll be here soon,” Reid explained.
“Well, come in, have a seat,” she urged. “How are things?”
“Good, I guess,” Reid shift uncomfortably. “I don’t really… do small talk.”
“Luke said as much,” Emma replied, setting a plate of cookies down in front of Reid. “He also said that you love my cookies.”
Reid gave her a smile, and picked up a cookie.
Maybe today was looking up after all.
*
Reid was in a good mood when Luke arrived, actually managing to not offend anyone (even Lily or Holden). Luke entered the house and smiled when he saw Reid.
“Hi.” He bent down and gave Reid a kiss.
“You’re late,” Reid teased.
“Yeah, well, I ended bumping into-" he was cut off when Noah walked into the kitchen.
“I see,” Reid replied. “I thought you were in California.” He looked at Noah.
“I got back last night,” Noah answered. “I didn’t want to miss a Snyder family Christmas.”
“Too bad you’re not family,” Reid muttered. “Excuse me.” He went around Luke and stepped out on to the porch. Maybe they did just bump into each other every time and ended up getting coffee.
All Reid knew was that he didn’t like it.
“Reid,” Luke came out onto the porch. “I can explain.”
“I can’t wait.” His tone was laced with false cheer. Luke opened his mouth speak and Reid’s pager went off.
Of course. He’d forgotten about the patient. He swallowed hard, checking the page. He would make the guy okay this time.
“I have to go.” Reid showed him the page and Luke sighed.
“It’s Christmas Eve,” Luke protested. “Can’t someone else do it?”
“No, Luke, there isn’t anyone else who can do this. I’m the only one who can,” Reid kept himself from snapping, but just barely. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” With that he kissed Luke quickly and headed out to his car.
*
Reid ran into the ER. Even with driving over the speed limit, he’d still taken way too long to reach the hospital. He went into the patient’s room, and stopped. The machine was flatlining and the doctor was calling time of death.
No.
No.
Reid forced himself to keep it together and talked briefly with the doctor before leaving the hospital.
He’d been too late.
*
Katie looked like a wreck when she opened her door. Reid stood there on the doorstep. He hadn’t wanted to go back to the farm; he hadn’t wanted to go home alone. At least with Katie, she’d distract him with her problems.
“Oh, man,” she said. “You look as bad as I feel.”
“Well, you look worse,” Reid replied, kissing her on the cheek as he entered the condo.
“You always say the sweetest things,” Katie teased, taking his coat. He sat down on the couch, glancing at Jacob, who was playing in his play pen.
“I do try,” Reid answered, going for a mocking grin.
“What happened?” Katie asked him.
“Lost a patient,” Reid whispered.
“Oh, Reid.” Katie sat down next to him and pulled him into her arms. Reid held himself stiffly.
“What are you doing, Goldilocks?” he asked.
“What’s it look like, Jerkface? I’m hugging you.”
“I don’t hug.”
“Shut up and get over it.” Katie ordered. Reid found himself relaxing a little.
“What’s got you upset?” He finally brought it up. He already knew, thanks to his magical time loop, but he wanted a distraction.
“Chris and his inability to keep his dick in his pants,” Katie snapped. “He slept with a nurse at the hospital. Can you believe it?”
“Actually…” Reid trailed off and Katie hit him on the arm. “Hey!”
“He’s still my husband, and I still love him.”
“He cheated on you Katie,” Reid pointed out. “You can’t just let that go.” They fell silent.
“Hey, why aren’t you out at the farm with Luke?” Katie asked. “I thought you two had grand family plans.”
“Let’s just say I’m not going back out there before I have to.”
*
“Where the hell are you?” Luke’s angry voice filled Reid’s ears. “I called the hospital and they said you’d left an hour ago.”
“Katie’s,” Reid answered into the phone. “She needed someone to talk to.”
“What’s wrong with Katie?” Luke wanted to know, his voice going from angry to concerned.
“Chris cheated on her.”
“Oh, no,” Luke murmured. “Is she okay?”
“I don’t know,” Reid told him. “I’m not really good at these things.” He sighed. “How much would you hate me if I bailed on today? I don’t think I can do dinner.”
“Reid, you promised,” Luke protested.
“I know,” Reid muttered. “I lost my patient, and Katie needs someone, and…”
“You lost your patient,” Luke’s voice sounded off.
“Yes,” Reid replied, irritated. He didn’t want to keep focusing on his failure.
“And you went to see Katie instead of coming out here and being with me?” Hurt permeated Luke’s tone.
“I didn’t purposely come running to Katie, Luke.” Reid sighed. “I just needed someone to talk to.”
“And you can’t talk to me?”
“You were already angry at me,” Reid muttered.
“Reid, I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to be there for you when you need me,” Luke reminded him. “And you’re supposed to be there for me when I need you.”
“I know that,” Reid spoke softly.
“I’m sorry, Reid,” Luke whispered. “I'm sorry you lost your patient and I’m sorry Katie’s upset, but this day is important to me - can you just come out for a little bit?”
“Yeah.” Reid pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, feeling a headache coming on. “I wouldn't want a little death to keep me from the inevitable Christmas cheer of watching your family's dysfunction.” He hung up and gritted his teeth.
No more delaying the inevitable.
*
When Reid got to the farm, Faith was sitting on the porch. Well, that was new. Of course, he was arriving later, and that might have changed things.
“Where’s Luke?” Reid jumped right in without greeting her.
“He’s in the barn,” Faith told him. “He’s really pissed at you, you know.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Noah’s here,” Faith replied. “He hasn’t left Luke alone for more than five minutes all day.” She rolled her eyes. “If I have to hear about his new film one more time, I think I’ll scream.”
“I thought you liked Noah,” Reid asked.
“I used too,” Faith answered, getting up and heading for the door to the kitchen. “Guess I grew up.”
Reid thanked her and turned, walking toward the barn. He heard footsteps and saw Noah in his path. Feeling ridiculous, Reid stepped into the shadows near the stables and waited for Noah to pass him. He didn’t want to deal with the squinty-eyed brain trust at the moment. “Luke?” he called out, walking inside the barn.
“Reid?” Luke came out of one of the stalls. His face was red and he looked like he’d been crying.
“Luke, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” Luke mumbled.
“Was it Noah?” Reid asked, moving toward Luke. “Did he do something to you?” Luke let out a bitter laugh.
“He just reminded me of all the things I’d been in denial about,” he told Reid.
“Like what?” Reid’s tongue felt heavy and thick.
“Like everything I’ve been trying to tell you for the last few weeks, Reid.” Luke cried. “You say you love me, but I don’t feel it. Excluding sex, what kind of relationship do we really have?” He paused, swallowing hard. “I need to do some serious thinking, and I’m going to need you to go.”
“That’s what you want?” Reid asked stiffly.
“Yes,” Luke choked out. He tangled his hands in his hair, and let out a strangled sound.
“You know what, Luke?” Reid could feel himself losing it, but suddenly didn’t care. “I did the best I could. I fucking hate Christmas and the idea of spending time with your family after the day I've had makes my skin crawl.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” Luke whispered, meeting his eyes. “We’re done.”
*
And so Reid began his familiar routine. Walk into the apartment. Throw his phone. Get a beer. Turn on the TV.
He couldn’t watch It’s A Wonderful Life again, though. He just couldn’t. He flipped through the channels and settled on some sports network instead.
“Think the Bears have a shot at the playoffs?” Brad said, and Reid simply turned to look at him. “You’re screwing this up, you know.”
“Really? What was your first clue?” Reid snapped. “If I’m doing such a terrible job, why don’t you tell me what I’m doing wrong?”
“Can’t,” Brad told him, “Against the rules.”
“Then shut up and let me go to sleep so I can try again.”
iv.
Reid stared at the closed front door to the apartment. Luke had just left for his meeting, after waking Reid once again with mind blowing sex. Reid didn’t know what to do. He clearly couldn’t deviate too much from his original plans for the day - Java, then hospital, then home to talk to Katie, then to the farm to fight with Luke - if he did things just got worse.
He got suspended for fighting with Chris or his patient died, or something horrible happened to make Luke cry. He couldn’t go through any of those again.
Reid felt stuck, his left hand tapping his thigh as the thought. With a sigh, he decided that he needed to try going to Java one more time, and see what happened.
*
He walked into Java and looked around. Luke and Noah were nowhere to be found, which confused him. They’d been there the first time he’d done this. Reid glanced at his watch, realizing he was later this time, and his stomach turned over sharply. He didn’t want to think about what it meant that they weren’t here.
He ordered a coffee but never got to drink it, because his pager went off before he could. Reid gripped the pager determinedly.
He was going to save this patient, and then he was going to save his and Luke’s relationship.
*
Reid walked out of the OR feeling the best he’d felt since this whole mess had started. He’d done it this time. Caught every bleed. Fixed him up.
The guy was going to be fine. Now Reid just had to find Luke.
*
He pit stopped by the house and managed to shower and change without running into Katie. Reid wasn’t sure if that meant she’d been there and didn’t find him or if he was early. Still, he picked up his phone and called Luke.
“I’m sorry, I got called into the hospital,”
“It’s your day off,” Luke sighed.
“I know, it couldn’t be helped,” Reid explained. “But I saved a life, and I’m on my way to the farm now.”
*
Reid found himself arriving before dinner this time, and was on his way to congratulating himself on a job well done when he saw them.
Luke and Noah.
Luke and Noah, sitting and talking quietly on the porch. Reid’s eyes narrowed. Maybe not enough had changed, otherwise Noah wouldn’t be here.
“You made it!” Luke said, getting up and crossing over to him. He greeted Reid with a kiss, and Reid deepened it, surprising Luke.
“I told you I would,” Reid replied against his mouth. Luke just smiled.
“Come on,” he said. “Everyone will want to see you.”
*
Everything was going well. Reid was actually starting to think that maybe this time he’d figured it out. He’d managed to turn things around. He and Luke would be fine.
Then his phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID.
“It’s Katie,” he murmured to Luke. “I’ll take it outside.” Luke nodded, taking a sip of his post dinner coffee. Reid could hear laughter as he headed outside and smiled.
“What’s up, Goldilocks?” Reid said into the phone.
“Reid, where are you?” she demanded.
“At the farm with Luke,” Reid told her.
“Crap, I’m sorry, I’ll let you go,” she sobbed.
“Katie, it’s okay. Calm down and tell me what’s going on,” he replied.
“It’s Chris.” Katie was still crying. “He told me that he cheated on me.”
“I’m sorry, Katie,” Reid said. “I know you love him.”
“I do,” she agreed. “But maybe… maybe it was too soon.”
“What was too soon?” Reid wanted to know.
“All of it. Getting married,” she answered. “It was too soon after Brad.”
“I could have told you that,” Reid commented, keeping his tone gentle. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” Katie whispered. “I just…needed someone to talk to. Thanks, Reid.” She laughed quietly. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Merry Christmas, Katie,” Reid said, smiling a little.
“Merry Christmas.” Reid hung up the phone.
Maybe this time things would turn out okay. He went back inside the farmhouse to find Faith washing the last of the dishes and an otherwise empty kitchen.
“Where’s Luke?”
“What am I, his mother?” Faith snarked. Reid smiled, arching an eyebrow at her. “Fine, he’s in the barn.”
The words sent a chill down Reid’s spine, but he shook it off. It didn’t mean anything. He wished Faith a Merry Christmas and then set off to find his boyfriend.
*
Reid stormed into his and Luke’s apartment, shaking with anger. What had he done wrong? Why had Luke…?
He couldn’t even think it, because if he did, he’d picture it. It was there, forever in his brain because he couldn’t forget it. Reid hadn’t been able to speak. He wasn’t even sure Luke had known he was there. He had just left, went home, turned on the TV and waited.
“I thought I had it figured out,” Reid said, feeling Brad appear next to him. “I don’t get it. Why would Luke be kissing Noah?” Brad rolled his eyes, and smacked Reid lightly upside the head. “Hey!” Reid protested, trying to duck away unsuccessfully. “Aren’t you supposed to be helping me instead of inflicting bodily injury?”
“Someone has to knock some sense into you,” Brad replied. “Might as well be me.”
“Isn’t that against some kind of code or something?” Reid asked, annoyed.
“I’m a ghost, not a saint,” Brad pointed out with a smirk. He picked up Reid’s cell phone and tossed it to Reid, who caught it on reflex. “And maybe you should think about answering your phone.” His phone had been vibrating since he’d gotten home and dropped it on the coffee table. Six messages, three texts, and all of them from Luke.
“That’s your grand advice?” Reid snapped. “Answer my phone? And don’t hit me again unless you want to die twice.”
“You want an explanation, don’t you?” Brad replied. “Think about it, Reid. You know Luke. You’ve seen how Luke is. Would he really cheat?”
“No,” Reid muttered softly. “No, he wouldn’t, Casper, but I know what I saw.”
“Oh, because the great Reid Oliver is never wrong, is that it?” Brad looked upset.
“Instead of doing your best imitation at life, why don’t you just… go away?” Reid told him.
“Yes, because you’re doing so swell on your own.” Brad’s tone was full of sarcasm. “Clearly.” Reid just glared. “Look, answer your phone or don’t. Either way, I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, he gave a wave and disappeared.
“The hell you will,” Reid promised. He swore he heard Brad laughing as he looked at his phone. Reid picked up the phone to check his messages, and it vibrated in his hand. Another text message from Luke flashed across the screen.
I think we need some time apart. I’m staying out at the farm.
Reid dropped the phone, and sank back into the couch with a sigh.
v.
Luke climbed off Reid and lay beside him on the bed. “Wow,” Luke managed, panting. “Merry Christmas to you too,” he teased, kissing Reid on the shoulder. Reid forced a smile. He couldn’t keep doing this. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong. He thought he’d fixed it all, but it had gone to shit anyway.
He held in a sigh, and kissed Luke instead. He wanted to beg Luke to stay, but knew from experience that Luke wouldn’t. So maybe the answer was that Reid should go with him.
“I’m late,” Luke said, rolling over and getting up from the bed. “I’ve got a meeting and then I’m all yours, Dr. Oliver.”
“Why don’t I come with you?” Reid suggested. “I’ll hang back until you’re done and then we can go out to the farm together.”
“Sure, that sounds great,” Luke told him. “Join me in the shower?”
Reid didn’t have to be asked twice.
*
He followed Luke into Java, and the two of them ordered, before finding a table. Luke’s phone vibrated with a message and he checked it.
“Oh, he canceled,” Luke said, looking down. “Guess we can finish our coffee and head out to the farm then.”
“Guess so,” Reid said, feeling a little panicked. He couldn’t leave yet. His pager would go off any time now for that patient and Reid had to be close by to save him.
He took a small sip of his drink and glanced around. His eyes widened as he saw Noah standing near the doorway, watching them. Well, that explained some things.
“I think you have a visitor,” Reid tilted his head in Noah’s direction.
“Noah!” Luke exclaimed. He got up, smiling and hugged Noah. Reid gritted his teeth, keeping his feelings to himself. “Come join us.” Luke offered.
Just then, Reid’s pager went off. He checked it, like he had every time so far, and sighed.
“I gotta go to the hospital.”
“But what about the farm?” Luke asked.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Reid promised.
“Reid, you promised,” Luke said.
“I know; I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Reid kissed him goodbye, before walking toward the door.
“Does he do that a lot?” He heard Noah ask as he walked out. Reid sighed.
*
Reid waltzed out of the OR. Two for two. He’d done it again.
He delivered the good news to the patient’s family, and set off to find Luke.
*
Chris Hughes cornered him at his car.
“Nice save today,” Chris said. Reid turned around and looked at him.
“It was.”
“Listen, Reid… can you do me a favor?” Chris asked, looking nervous.
“Haven’t I done you enough favors lately?” Reid reminded him. “I’d say getting you a heart is a pretty big one.”
“And I’m grateful,” Chris replied. “It’s Katie.”
“What about Katie?” Reid asked, taking the bait.
“I screwed up, but I still love her and she won’t even talk to me.”
“Let me guess, couldn’t keep it in your pants?” Reid’s voice was dry. “How tragic. She should just come running back.”
“Don’t you dare judge me, Reid,” Chris snapped. “You have no idea what I’ve been through.”
“Yes, I do, because I was right there, watching the whole time.” Reid refuted. “I know how much of an idiot you are.”
“Hey,” Chris protested, and then paused. “Look, this is not why I came over here.”
“So why did you then?” Reid’s patience had won out.
“Could you please just talk to Katie? Make her understand. She’ll listen to you,” Chris pleaded.
“Why would I do that?” Reid wanted to know. “You’ve hurt her for the last time, Doogie.”
“Please, Reid,” Chris begged. “I’m desperate. I need her to know I still love her.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you slept with someone else.” Reid told him. “I’m not going to help you out of this mess. You made your own bed, now you have to lie in it alone.”
With that, Reid got in his car and drove away.
*
Reid found that Luke was once again in the barn when he arrived. Dread pooled in his stomach. He almost didn’t go in there. He nearly turned around and walked back to his car and left.
Because he couldn’t watch Luke and Noah kiss again, he couldn't.
However, this wouldn’t be over unless Reid fixed what went wrong.
Reid opened the barn door warily, his eyes peeled for any movement. He froze, spotting Luke.
Luke, who was pressed up against the wall by Noah and being thoroughly kissed. Reid felt as if he were under water battling to the surface - the temperature of his skin dropped and his limbs felt heavy. He couldn’t process what was happening in front of him as he saw Luke push Noah roughly away and scrub at his mouth with both hands.
“What the hell, Noah?” Luke shouted, staring at ex-boyfriend in shock. “Why did you - Oh, my God, Reid,” Luke said, looking sick as he caught sight of Reid standing there.
“I was just-" Noah tried to speak.
“Save it!” Luke snapped, his eyes locked on Reid. “Nothing you say will make what you just did okay.”
“You had an early Christmas present for Noah too.” Reid finally found his words, speaking softly. He felt hollow inside, like the words were echoing through him. “How thoughtful of you.”
“What? No,” Luke said, looking terrified. “I can explain.”
“I can’t wait to hear it,” Reid felt numb. Cold. It was odd. “Let me guess. This isn’t what it looks like.”
“It isn’t! I didn't mean for this to happen,” Luke approached him. “I didn’t - I don’t - I love you, Reid.”
“This is love?” Reid asked him, glancing at Noah. “This is how you love someone?”
“Like you’re an expert,” Luke suddenly hissed. It was a like a switch had been flipped, and Luke glared at him. “Even medical school couldn’t teach you compassion.”
“What are you talking about?” Reid demanded, unsure how the tables had turned. “Are you seriously trying to make this my fault?”
“I didn’t - you’re never around!” Luke shouted, crossing his arms over his chest. “God, what I wouldn’t give for just one day where I come first, instead of that Goddamned hospital!” Luke paused, sniffling back tears. “Please, I know you’re hurt, but just let me explain. Noah, he was… he…”
“I don’t really want to know what he and you were doing. I saw enough, thanks.” Reid replied. “I don’t want your excuses, Luke. Don’t come home. I’ll send you your things.”
“Reid, don’t do this,” Luke begged.
“I didn’t do this,” Reid told him, turning and walking away. “You did.”
*
“I really thought you were smarter than this,” Brad said, settling onto the couch next to Reid.
“Fuck you,” Reid muttered. “Unless you’re here to tell me how I’m supposed to stop Noah from shoving his tongue down Luke’s throat, go away.” He got up and walked into the kitchen for another beer. It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t be hung over in the morning.
“What’s the point of doing this if Luke ends up with Noah?” Reid looked at Brad, who shrugged.
“You’re really kind of a pain in my ass, you know that?”
“It’s my natural charm,” Brad joked. “Just… you’re on the right track, Reid. Maybe you should try actually listening to what Luke says.”
“That’s your grand advice?” Reid snorted. “Why did they send you again?”
“Because I wanted to meet you,” Brad answered. “And no one else wanted to touch your case with a ten foot pole.” He leaned toward Reid. “You have a reputation for being difficult,” Brad whispered.
“If you weren’t a ghost, I’d…”
“What?” Brad laughed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re all bark and no bite, Dr. Oliver.”
“What will it take for you to go away?”
“Fix this and you never have to see me again,” Brad told him.
“That alone would be reward enough for me.”
i.
When Reid opened his eyes, Luke was already settled on his cock, rocking slowly, his head thrown back in ecstasy. Reid gripped his hips and held on tightly.
Something had to change. He couldn’t lose this. He couldn’t lose Luke.
Luke leaned down for a kiss. “You okay?” he breathed against Reid’s lips.
“Never better,” Reid groaned, fighting the urge to come already. This needed to last a little longer.
“I thought you could use an early Christmas Present,” Luke replied, with a teasing smile.
“You’re so thoughtful,” Reid gasped as Luke rolled his hips.
“I try.” Luke looked at him coyly, staring at Reid from under his eyelashes. “Come on, Reid,” he said. “Let go.”
Reid couldn’t hold back and thrust up, making Luke cry out. He came hard, gripping Luke’s hips tight enough that he probably left bruises. After a moment, he noticed that Luke was still hard, and slid out, rolling them so Luke was on his back on the bed. He sank his mouth down on Luke’s cock and sucked hard.
“Reid!” Luke let out a startled cry, his fingers tangling in Reid’s hair, scratching his scalp. “Oh, God.” His voice was strangled, and then he was coming, filling Reid’s mouth. Reid swallowed, and then kissed Luke with an intensity that shocked them both.
“Wow,” Luke finally spoke. “I got a present too.” Reid couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face.
“Just in case you don’t like your real present,” he replied. “There’s a very good chance I’ll screw that up.”
“I’ll love it, I’m sure,” Luke told him. “You know me better than anyone else.”
“I thought I did,” Reid murmured. “But now I’m wondering if I have it all wrong.”
“This sounds like it’s about more than just my present.” Luke looked concerned as he wrapped himself around Reid, burrowing up next to him.
“I just feel like…you’re going to wake up one day and realize I’m not what you wanted.”
“Never going to happen,” Luke promised. He glanced at the clock. “Oh, man, I’m way beyond late. I have a last minute meeting before I’m free for the holiday.”
“Cancel it,” Reid whispered, knowing now that the meeting would be canceled anyway. “Stay here with me.” He peppered kisses alongside Luke’s neck.
“I can’t, Reid.” Luke replied, tilting his head so that Reid could get better access.
“Why don’t you call him, see if he’s agreeable to rescheduling, and if not, you can meet this morning as planned,” Reid suggested. Luke raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“That’s actually a good idea,” Luke smiled. “You’re brilliant.”
“Genius, actually,” Reid agreed. Luke reached over and plucked his cell phone up from the bedside table. Reid watched as he dialed a number and then asked to be put through to his client. Luke spoke quietly, and Reid did his best not to distract him, though he couldn’t help running his hands across Luke’s chest while he talked. Luke shivered and shot him a hot look.
“Great, thank you,” Luke ended the call.
“Well?” Reid asked.
“He was going to cancel anyway,” Luke answered.
“So you’re not going anywhere?”
“Nope,” Luke replied. “Now that I suddenly have some extra time before we head out to the farm, why don’t we put it to good use?” He wore a devilish grin and his eyes were dark with desire.
“You’re insatiable,” Reid breathed.
“You love it.”
“I do,” Reid agreed. “I really do.”
*
Reid’s pager went off as they got out of the shower. Reid had just pulled on his shirt, and was tucking it into his pants when he heard the familiar beeping.
“No,” Luke whined, looking at him.
“I have to, Luke,” Reid said. “You know they wouldn’t page me unless it was important.”
“I know,” he sighed. “Why do you have to be so amazing?”
“I was just born that way,” Reid replied, kissing him. “I’ll check in, see what’s up, and meet you out at the farm, okay?”
“Yeah,” Luke smiled.
“Oh, do me a favor, will you?” Reid turned around, shoving his wallet into his pocket and picking up his keys.
“Sure.”
“Call Katie and invite her and the drool machine out to the farm for dinner. I have a feeling she’s going to need the distraction today.”
“You are something else, you know that?” Luke told him. Reid pulled Luke into his arms, kissing him again.
“I’ve heard that.” Luke laughed, and Reid actually felt things might be okay if he left.
*
When Reid was good, he was very, very good.
He’d done it again, and his patient was going to be just fine.
Hope unfurled in his chest.
Maybe today. Maybe this time he’d get it right.
*
When he got out to the farm, he found himself with an armful of Katie and a pile of blond hair in his face.
“How did you know I would need this today?” she asked, voice muffled where her face was buried into his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Reid patted her shoulder awkwardly. He saw Luke standing on the porch over her shoulder, smiling at them. “Where’s the snot monster?” Katie slapped his chest playfully, and pulled back.
“He’s inside, entertaining Emma,” she replied, taking his hand and leading him up to the porch.
“Hey, you,” Reid greeted Luke, letting go of Katie’s hand and pulling Luke to him in order to kiss him senseless.
“Hi,” Luke replied breathlessly once Reid stopped kissing him. “Good surgery?”
“Did you expect anything else?” Reid kissed him again. “Let’s go inside - I smell food.”
Luke laughed and took Reid’s hand as they went into the kitchen. Reid looked around, and saw only Emma and Jacob in there. He heard voices from down the hall in the living room.
“Who all is here?” he wanted to know, slipping off his coat.
“My parents and my brother and sisters,” Luke answered. “Grandmother should be here any time, and I think Bob and Kim might stop by at some point since they’re in town.” Luke took Reid’s coat as he answered.
Reid exhaled out loudly.
Noah wasn’t here.
Maybe he was onto something after all.
*
Dinner was a joyful affair. Normally, Luke’s family drove him insane, but the kids were actually well behaved, and with Katie and Luke as a buffer, he refrained from insulting anyone too terribly during the meal.
Things were actually going well.
Someone knocked at the door, and Reid tensed. Emma rose and answered it.
“Noah!” she exclaimed, letting him in. Noah stood there, looking a little awkward.
“Hi, everyone.” Noah waved.
“Noah!” Lily exclaimed, the first one out of her seat to hug him. Luke got up slowly.
“I didn’t know you were back in town,” Luke spoke quietly.
“I wasn’t sure I should come,” Noah replied.
“Nonsense,” Lily interjected. “You’re always welcome.” Noah gave her a smile, and Reid’s stomach turned a little.
“Want to go for a walk?” He looked at Luke.
“Yeah,” Luke grabbed their coats from the coat rack. “It was good to see you, Noah,” Luke told him, taking Reid’s hand and leading them outside. They slid their coats on, and Reid put his arm around Luke’s shoulders to keep him close. Luke rested his head on Reid’s shoulder as they walked.
“Why don’t we head to the pond?” Reid suggested. Luke’s smile lit up the night.
“You always seem to know just what I need.”
*
They sank down onto the cool grass, shivering in the chilly air.
“Luke?” Reid said his name, breaking their silence. Luke looked at him curiously. “We’re okay, aren’t we?”
“What do you mean?” Luke wore an apprehensive expression now.
“Things between us, they’re okay, right?” Reid asked again.
“Why are you asking me this?” Luke whispered.
“Because I feel like maybe I’ve been taking you for granted,” Reid told him. “That I’ve just been expecting you to be there.”
“Reid-"
“Let me finish,” Reid interrupted, knowing he had to get this out or he never would. He wasn’t the heart on his sleeve type. “I’ve been spending a lot of time at the hospital,” he said. “I know you’ve been feeling neglected.”
“I didn’t want to tell you,” Luke murmured.
“I’m sorry,” Reid apologized. “I never meant to make you feel like you mean less to me than the hospital. It’s been a crazy time of adjustment since Bob retired.”
Luke just regarded him silently.
“I’m going to do better,” Reid promised. “I’m going to do what I can to make sure you come first.”
“Oh, Reid.” Luke snuggled up next to him. “You don’t know how much I needed to hear that.” They fell silent again. “Think it’ll snow?” Luke wondered.
“It’s hard to say,” Reid replied. “But since you Snyders seem to get your way, it probably will if you want it too.”
“Does that mean I can have my way with you?” Luke cupped his hand over Reid’s check, and pressed a kiss to Reid’s lips.
“What, here?” Reid was surprised. “It’s freezing.”
“We can’t… do anything tonight,” Luke muttered. “Grandma has rules about pre-marital sex in the house.” Reid snorted.
“What are you waiting for then?” Reid asked, pulling Luke onto his lap. “I’m all yours.”
Epilogue
Waking up next to Luke on Christmas morning very nearly brought tears to Reid’s eyes; he’d done it - Luke wasn’t going to leave him.
He didn’t even care when the kids busted in at an un-Godly hour, demanding Luke wake up their parents so they could open presents.
He’d finally gotten his one perfect Christmas.