Science and Faith (9/?)
Title: Science and Faith
Rating: PG-13 moving onto NC-17
Warnings: Angst, AU and a mention of Noah
Genre: Romance, Comedy, Drama
Character/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Other Characters, very brief Luke/OC and other character couples.
Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, I only wish I did! The title of the fic comes from a gorgeous song of the same title by The Script.
Summary: Luke is happy, or so he thinks, his life seems to be perfect barring one thing. Reid Oliver has everything he needs and wants, he's happy with his work and saving people and everything else takes second place...until he meets a certain blonde that is. When these two meet will they both find what they need?
A/N: Thank you to the wonderful traciamc for the beta and to those who've been commenting! I apologise in advance for pimping out my favourite band but after some research I believe that me and Luke have a similar taste in music! LOL! Feedback would be loved! Hope you guys enjoy! :)
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight
“Why are we at Madison Square Garden?”
“Because you said you like music, so l took the liberty to check out who is playing this evening. It’s someone called ‘The Script’...lord knows who they are.”
Luke eyes sparkled with delight, “Oh my god, I forgot they were going to be here tonight! I love them!”
Reid grimaced, “You do?”
“Why? What wrong with them?”
“They sing sappy love songs and crap like that.”
“No, they’re not, they are-wait a minute...I thought you didn’t know them.”
Reid dropped his eyes and cleared his throat, “I don’t...not that well. But what I know is enough.”
Luke eyed him suspiciously and smirked, “You have heard of them and you so like them!” he said laughing.
“Okay fine, whatever...the things I’m putting myself through for you,” he muttered under his breath. “Let’s try and get ourselves some tickets.”
"They'll be fully booked on a night like this. We won't be able to get tickets."
Reid sighed exasperatedly, turning his gaze onto Luke, "Do you trust me?"
"Yeah, of course I do," Luke breathed, not taking a moment to answer.
"Good, then shut up. You wait here and I'll be back.”
Before Luke could say anything Reid walked off, leaving him outside. Reid was back less than five minutes later waving two tickets with a smug grin.
Luke’s mouth dropped open as he snatched the tickets out of his hand, "How the hell did you get these?”
"You're not the only one who has influence, Mr. Snyder," he answered pointedly. “Now come on, stop drooling over them and let’s go inside. The quicker this is over the better.”
Luke suppressed his urge to hug him and squeezed his arm instead. “Christ, I feel like a giddy teenager.”
“You are a giddy teenager, get off my arm.”
Luke ignored him and squeezed his arm tighter instead, “Do we have seats or are we standing?”
“Seats, obviously. I’m not going to get crushed by sweaty, unhygienic people in a space small enough for a rat.”
Luke snorted and laughed, “This is going to be so much fun. I can’t wait to tell Faith, she wanted to go so bad.”
“Faith?”
“My sister, she loves them too.”
“Jesus, okay...let’s go Lucy so you can swoon over them.”
Luke didn’t even care he was being called Lucy, laughing at the name instead and practically dragged him inside.
***
The concert was better than Luke had hoped for, all his favourite songs were played and he’d sung along to each and every one. Luke, at one point managed to drag Reid to his feet when everyone else was no longer sitting down, much to his chagrin. He was pretty sure that during one of the songs, Reid had been tapping his hand in time with the beat and looked like he was enjoying it.
Reid might’ve watched Luke enjoying the concert most of the time...no...all of the time they were there although Luke didn’t notice. His smile and enthusiasm was infectious, and he even laughed at one point when Luke had wrapped his arm around one of the girls sitting next to him, both singing along loudly together.
“Oh my god, that was amazing!” Luke grinned, once they’d finally made their way outside.
“Really? I thought you had an awful time.”
Luke rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, “Thanks for that, Reid. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I promise next time I’ll take you to a concert of your choice.”
“You promise?”
“Yeah, I promise. What kind of music do you like?”
“I’m more of a Taylor Swift man myself,” he deadpanned, looking serious.
Luke raised his eyebrows in surprise before laughing heartily, “You are so getting those tickets now, Reid.”
Reid’s face dropped, “You know I was kidding right?”
Luke sniggered “Yeah, of course...but you’re getting those tickets and you’re coming with me and my sisters.”
“Luke, no.”
“Yeah, you are. You asked for them, you’re getting them!”
They argued about Taylor Swift until Reid eyed an ice-cream place and all was forgotten. Luke bought the ice-cream cones for them both this time as they took a stroll down through Central Park. They finally sat on the bench side by side, looking out over the skyline of New York that was visible through the trees. Luke let the events of the day wash over him. Meeting Noah randomly along the way had freaked him out. It had been a long time since they’d seen each other and to see him like that whilst he was with Reid, still surpassed belief.
“I’m sorry.”
Reid turned to look at Luke, frowning, “About what?”
“About today, about Noah and that you had to see me break down and act the way I did.”
“Luke, you don’t need to apologise for anything.”
“You didn’t have to take care of me the way you did. It wasn’t your responsibility. I thought I was over all of this with Noah, but seeing him today just out of the blue, rattled me.”
“Maybe you needed the closure.”
“I didn’t want closure...I just never wanted to see him again.”
“That wasn’t ever going to happen, Luke, you know that.”
“I know, I know,” Luke mumbled, dropping his head in his hands.
Reid wasn’t too sure what else to say and let Luke work through this on his own. He seemed like the guy who needed to get his emotions out there because keeping them bottled up for too long could only make things worse.
“I met Noah when I interned at my local television station,” he started quietly. “He’d just moved there with his father and he was going to work with me at the station, too. We became friends after a while, there was nothing I could do about that because he started dating my friend, Maddie.”
“Oh, another closet case,” said Reid, unable to stop himself. But it made Luke laugh softly, “Yeah, another closet case and I knew it. I just knew he was hiding something, he was hiding who he was and I still fell for him. But his father meant the world to him and to disappoint him by being gay was probably the worst thing he could do.”
Luke thought back to that time where Noah kept denying who he was and there was no denying that he was falling for him. But he knew things had to come to a head at some point, and in this case, there were disastrous results.
“Some things happened, good and bad, but I wanted him and he wanted me and we were finally together and things were going okay. I was in love with him. But things kind of went downhill from there. Noah found out that his father was the man who’d killed his mother, a mother who he hadn’t ever really known, and that affected him badly and he didn’t know how to deal.”
Luke breathed in shakily, wiping away the few stray tears that had fallen, “I didn’t even know when he’d started using and I don’t know where he got the drugs from. I tried to get him to talk because I knew that this wasn’t just about his father, it was more than that but he never wanted to talk. I tried, Reid...I tried so hard to help him. I loved him so much, but he wouldn’t talk and he wouldn’t let me help him. And when I found out about the drugs and wanted him to stop using, he flipped out on me pretty badly.”
Reid moved closer, wrapping an arm around him, providing the little comfort he could. He had a feeling that it had been a while since Luke had had the chance to talk about something so significant, something which had affected him so badly. But a niggling question wouldn’t leave his mind.
“Did he hurt you, Luke?”
Luke’s breath stuttered for a moment, “Umm, it was nothing serious, he was high and I got in the way...”
Reid felt anger coiling in the pit of his stomach, “That’s no excuse for his behaviour or the way he treated you,” his grip around Luke’s shoulder tightening. “But I’m glad I was there with you today in any case.”
Luke sent Reid a grateful smile, eyes still watery, and nodded, “Yeah, I’m glad too. I think I would’ve run out of there in a mess or something.”
Reid snorted, “You were a mess anyway.”
Luke swatted Reid’s knee, chuckling, “Thank you for that.”
“You’re welcome. So what happened after that? You did leave him, right?”
Luke shook his head, sighing, “No, I didn’t...I put up with it and I believed that I could help him. But when my family began to be affected by it, I had to put my foot down. I gave him an ultimatum, either me or the drugs. One morning about three years ago, he made that choice and took a little of my money along with him. Today was the first time I’d seen him since then.”
Reid understood his hesitance to talk to Noah or be in his presence. The way he could hardly look at him, how he’d cowered in his presence. He should have known then, but his inherent need to protect him had done just that, he’d protected him in his own way. Reid didn’t want to see Luke harmed, ever, and he didn’t understand why he felt the way he did.
Luke sniffed, wiping at his face, groaning in embarrassment, “I’m so sorry about this, Reid. You didn’t need to hear my life story like this.”
Reid quirked a smile, “What else are friends for?”
Luke mock gasped, letting Reid’s arm drop from around his shoulders until he could grip his hand, holding it to his chest. “Have you promoted me? I’m your friend? I am so honoured.”
Reid glared at him causing Luke to laugh but then sent him a serious look. “Luke, don’t apologise for wanting to talk about something like this, especially after the day you’ve had today. But no more leaking tears, I can’t deal with that.”
“You seemed okay with the tears before.”
“I have a good poker face,” said Reid with a smirk.
Luke laughed dropping Reid’s hand and pushed it back towards him. He took a deep breath, laughing shortly, looking up at the dark night sky, “My life is so fucked up.”
“That’s what life is, isn’t it? Just a series of fuck-ups until you die.”
“You’re such an optimist. It warms my heart, Reid.”
“I aim to please, Mr. Snyder.”
Luke slid down further on the bench, so that he could get a better view of the sky. He was now close enough that his thigh brushed Reid’s and his head was almost resting on Reid’s shoulder.
“Are you going to see Noah again?” Reid asked hesitantly, wondering why he was asking in the first place.
Luke sighed, “I don’t know, maybe...but not right now. He hurt me in ways that are unimaginable, and although his letter was sincere and honest...it’s not enough to make me want to see him now. I need time.”
Reid nodded in understanding and then slapped Luke’s thigh lightly, “Come on, it’s late. Let’s go back, we have an early flight in the morning, too,” he said getting to his feet.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Luke got up onto his feet too, stuffing his hands in his pockets as they walked side by side and made their way back to the hotel. There was still something bugging Luke, something he wanted to confirm and so he kept stealing glances at Reid, working up his courage to ask.
“By the way, you are gay, right?” asked Luke sheepishly.
Reid let out a bark of laughter, looking at Luke in surprise and bemusement, “What?”
Luke shrugged, feeling embarrassed, talking to his feet, “I’m pretty sure you are but I’m just asking because, I mean, you said you were my boyfriend when Noah asked, but I wasn’t too sure if you were just being nice or something.”
“Okay Luke, just to clarify, I am 100% most definitely gay. You sure you don’t want me to prove it?” he asked quirking an eyebrow suggestively.
Luke elbowed him lightly, relieved that he finally knew for sure and chuckled, “You’re such a jerk and Caro was right.”
“Right about what?”
“That you are gay. She said you were, but I wasn’t sure.”
“Why would you think I wasn’t?”
“I have the shittest gaydar on the planet,” Luke said bluntly. Reid sniggered, making Luke swat his arm. “Shut up, it’s not funny!”
“You have to admit it’s kind of funny.”
“It’s not funny when you fall for your straight best friend and then fall for many a straight guy after that unknowingly and then not trust yourself to fall for someone afterwards, but that,” Luke sighed dramatically, “is another life story for another time.”
“Oh damn, just when it was about to get interesting,” Reid said sarcastically.
“Ha ha, very funny,” he sent Reid a childish look before something struck him. “But one more question, why did you even say you were my boyfriend? You didn’t have to say anything.”
Reid turned his head to look at him and shrugged, “Just a spur of the moment thing, I thought me being there as your boyfriend would kind of unnerve your ex...maybe make him jealous. I don’t know...plus...it makes him realise what a guy he missed out on and what he messed up.”
Luke bit his lip and tried to stifle a smile, running a hand through his hair, “Well, thank you for that, if you weren’t here then--”
“Yes, yes, you’re welcome, now can you hurry your ass up, it’s freezing and I’m hungry.”
Luke laughed, quickened his pace to match Reid’s, and wondered whether what had happened today had happened for a bigger reason.
***
“Are you happy now?”
“Yes,” Reid beamed happily.
“I swear that you should just live in a restaurant.”
“Good idea, I’ll come and live at the café then, just give me your apartment.”
“Hell no, get your own café and your own apartment. I’m staying in mine.”
“Not for long though...this is your last year, right?”
“Oh,” Luke groaned, slumping back onto his room door. “Don’t remind me...I don’t think I ever want to go back.”
Luke and Reid after getting some dinner had made their way up to their rooms.
“What? Don’t you like your town?”
“No, I love it...it’s just,” Luke breathed deeply, smiling at Reid, “another story which I’m sure you have no patience after today.”
Reid mirrored his smile back and gestured towards his door with his head, “Okay, I think I’m going to head to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Wait a second...” Luke called out making Reid turn around. He walked closer to him, stuffing his hands in his pockets with nervousness, Reid frowned concernedly.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Luke licked his lips and then looked up gazing into Reid’s eyes. “I wanted to thank you for today--”
Reid closed his eyes, sighing, “Luke--”
“Shh, let me finish, Jesus...” Luke chuckled nervously before continuing. “Okay, I have to be honest with you. You remember I said on the plane that I don’t drink? Well, that’s because I was an alcoholic.”
A sudden coldness hit Reid’s core and he furrowed his brows and remembered something that he’d seen that morning but wasn’t too sure about, maybe he didn’t want it to be true. “Have you had a kidney transplant?” he asked, seeing the scar that he’d seen on Luke in his mind’s eye.
Luke looked puzzled, “How did you know?”
“I-uhh...this morning when I knocked on the door and--” Reid hoped that Luke would figure out the rest and he did. He ducked his head down smiling softly, scuffing his feet on the carpet, a blush creeping up on his cheeks, “Umm, yeah, I did and I became an alcoholic after that, but that’s probably another story you definitely don’t want to hear.”
“Luke...”
“Reid, just let me say this. After seeing Noah today, I,” he swallowed hard, clearing his throat, “I had the urge to pick up a bottle and have my first drink in probably two and half years. Although you might think that whatever you did today was insignificant, the fact that you were here and you took me out, made me forget, let me ramble on about crap, meant that I didn’t take that drink even though I was so desperate for it.”
Luke finally looked into Reid’s eyes and smiled widely, gratefully, “So, thank you for today, for making me forget...because you helped me in ways that you probably can’t even imagine.”
Reid didn’t know what to say and was blown away by what Luke had just said. There was an odd ache in his heart and he had an urge to wrap him up in his arms and never let him go. He didn’t know what it was he was feeling...maybe it was just that he cared about him. Yes...he cared about Luke, but as a friend and only a friend. Luke was helping him and he helped Luke through something he didn’t even know existed. Then why did he feel like that wasn’t it? Like there was something more, something which he couldn’t explain. He was snapped out from his thoughts when he heard Luke mumble something.
“Funny how two addicts ended up together, right? Like I said, I am so fucked up...”
Reid didn’t know what made him move closer, but he went with it, his brain right at that moment wasn’t functioning. He lifted a hand and cupped Luke’s cheek, pulling his head up to look at him.
“You know what happened with Noah wasn’t your fault, right?”
Luke dropped his gaze trying to compose himself, “I don’t know.”
“Luke...hey Luke?” Reid once again lifted his chin to look at him, “It wasn’t your fault, whatever happened is in the past and you have got to let it go.”
“But--”
“Didn’t you hear me?” said Reid, smiling softly, his thumb rubbing over Luke’s cheekbone absentmindedly. “It wasn’t your fault, it’s just life being a fuck-up and stupid circumstances that were out of your control, okay?”
Luke licked his lips and nodded, “You’ve got to say it, Luke,” said Reid, raising a brow expectantly.
Luke chuckled and covered that Reid’s hand that was on his cheek, gripping it lightly, “What happened wasn’t my fault and I need to move on and I will. Are you happy now? You’re so stubborn,” he mumbled.
“Did you mean it?”
Luke laughed softly, “Christ, yes I did!” But seeing Reid looking sceptical he turned serious. “I did mean it...honestly.”
“Good,” Reid replied with a smirk causing Luke to smile back. Their eyes locked, blue on brown, and both of them forgot how to breathe for the moment. They were close enough to feel the warmth of their bodies, Reid’s hand still caressing Luke’s cheek, Luke’s own hand resting on top of it. Reid was unconsciously moving his head closer, his body taking over, his heart banging like a drum, and when his eyes dropped to Luke’s soft, cupid-bow lips and he saw him lick them in anticipation, he had to stifle a groan. Luke didn’t know whether what was happening was right or wrong but he wanted it to happen. His skin was tingling with excitement and he was suddenly aware of how close they really were.
“Reid,” whispered Luke, his own eyes dropping to Reid’s lips wanting to feel his lips on his...wanting more than just that.
A ringing phone shattered the moment, startling them both. Reid dropped his hand from Luke’s face and both took a breath neither of them realised they were holding. Luke stepped back, running a hand through his hair trying to figure out what the hell was about to happen whilst Reid fumbled for his phone in his pocket and pulled it out, groaning with frustration as he saw who it was. Clearing his throat and flexing the hand that had been touching Luke’s soft cheek, he answered the phone.
“Grace?”
“Hey...lover boy...what are you doing awake so late?”
Reid rolled his eyes and when he glanced up he saw Luke opening his room door, “Luke!” he called out, stopping him in his tracks. “Can you just wait a second, Grace?” he said into the phone.
“Oh, is Luke with you? Tell him I said hi!”
Reid grunted a ‘yes’ and walked over to Luke, who was standing waiting for him, he waved his phone before pressing it to his chest so Grace couldn’t hear. “First of all Grace says ‘hi’,” Reid said sarcastically making Luke grin widely, “and secondly, if you feel like you need to drink again or if you need anything tonight. Don’t hesitate to knock on my door.”
Luke wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to forget what had just happened minutes ago. They were friends and he cared about him, that’s all this was, right? No, he convinced himself, that’s all it was...they were just friends. “Okay, sure, thank you.”
“Okay, then...I’ll see you tomorrow morning? Eight, is it?”
Luke nodded, “Good night, Reid.”
“Night, Luke.”
Luke opened his door and closed it carefully before leaning against and squeezing his eyes shut. They had nearly kissed, they had nearly kissed...he covered his face with his hands feeling utterly confused. He knew he had to take control of the situation because as much as he had wanted it to happen, he couldn’t fall for someone and be hurt again, he just couldn’t.
***
Their flight back to Dallas wasn’t any different to when they were on their way to New York. Reid had almost had the beginnings of another panic attack, but without prompting from Luke, Reid had made use of that ‘stupid bogus pop psychology’ as he called it. And when Luke had teased him about the fact that it did work, he just scowled at him, making Luke laugh.
It seemed like the ‘non-kiss’ or the ‘kiss-that-never-happened’ wasn’t something they were going to discuss or analyse. Luke knew things grew intense when he’d told Reid about his alcoholism, his eyes were full of concern but he cared, as a friend...only as a friend.
They reached Dallas that afternoon and Luke drove them back to the café. Caro and Bella had been waiting with open arms, not just for Luke, but to Reid’s surprise, for him too. As soon as they’d walked in, Bella had run over to hug Reid first, leaving Luke pouting and Reid laughing. After picking up some lunch from the café, Reid took his leave, letting them know he had to get back to the hospital for a shift. Luke followed him out holding a bag for him just until he got outside.
“You sure you don’t want me to drop you home?”
“Luke, I live five minutes away, there’s no need. Thank you though.”
Luke smiled, “You’re welcome. So...I’ll let you know if I hear from Mr. Collins. He’s out of the country for a couple of days but he did say he’ll let us know soon. To be honest I think we’ve got it in the bag.”
“Me too,” agreed Reid.
Luke grinned widely and nodded, “Anyway, I’d best let you get back. You’ve got to go to the hospital too, right?”
“Yeah, I do,” he smiled, “but listen...” Seeing the serious look on Reid’s face Luke felt uneasy and worried but nodded his assent for him to continue. “When I said last night that you were free to knock on my door if you needed anything, I didn’t just mean it for last night. If you ever feel the need to ever drink again or just need someone to talk to you can call me, anytime. Actually wait...” Reid pulled out his wallet and a business card. He got a pen from his bag and wrote something down before handing it to Luke. “This is my personal pager number, only the hospital has this, so if you need to talk, just get in contact with me, okay?”
Luke blinked and looked down at the card in shock, “Why?” I mean...why would you do this for me?” he asked quietly.
“We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“Ummm,” Luke cleared his throat, nodding. “Yeah...sure, we are.”
“That’s why. And one more thing...using the number for booty calls a definite no, but for anything else, yes.” Reid smiled that crooked smile at him and without another word, walked away and down the sidewalk.
Luke was overwhelmed; his hand gripping the card tightly as he made his way back inside the café. He hardly noticed Caro asking him if he was okay but he brushed it off, claiming tiredness and wanting some rest. He went up to his room and slumped down on his bed, pressing the card that Reid had given him to his chest. He didn’t know what to feel...did friends really do this for friends? They did right? But then why did he feel like his heart was fit to burst with emotion and all those stupid feelings that he’d stopped himself from ever feeling again? Was this more than just friendship?
His mind replayed what Reid had said and what had happened the night before...or what had nearly happened. His heart fluttered at the memory, the feel of Reid’s hand on his cheek, his scent that was inherently just Reid, the way his eyes grew dark the closer they got to each other. Something was going to happen between them, there was no denying it and he maybe he needed it to happen. That kiss had been left hanging in the air, incomplete, and as much as he tried to push it down...no...he couldn’t...but he needed to.
Bella then bounded into his room, jumping on his bed and lying down next to him, jolting him out of his reverie. Luke turned on his side smiling widely, running a hand through her hair, the happiness on her face infectious.
“Did you have a good time, Luke?” she asked.
“I had an awesome time.”
Bella frowned, “Then why do you look so sad?”
“No sweetie, I’m not sad...I’m just tired.”
“That’s good,” she grinned, “‘cause I don’t like you sad and if you were, I would’ve called Dr. Ollie.”
Luke laughed softly, confused, “Why would you call him?”
“’Cause he’s funny and nice and when you’re with him, you’re always laughing.”
Luke quirked an eyebrow, ruffling her hair, “Is that so, missy?”
“Mmmhmm,” she giggled, nodding whilst slapping Luke’s hand away from her hair playfully. “I really, really like Dr. Ollie. He’s so, so awesome.”
Luke smiled genuinely, sighing happily, “Yeah, I like him too. I really, really like him too.”