Instructions Manual [Aoi/Kazuki] - One Shot
Title: Instructions Manual
Chapter: One-Shot
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Romance, Human Drama
Warnings: Language
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Aoi / Kazuki
Bands: The GazettE / ScReW
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary: Kazuki is finally in a relationship with Aoi, but he is not sure of what to do. Kazuki's POV.
Dedicated: To the one and only hyprakktiv !!!!!!
Instructions Manual
It's particularly mind dimming that increasingly desperate need to acquire something, which is greatly desired. It works slowly, but it is imperceptible and soon enough, it will cloud up everything else surrounding it, trivial or crucial, everything else will disappear. Eventually, it will end up clouding up the desired object itself, and all that will remain is the feeling of desperately wanting said object. Then, if the object is ultimately acquired, what would happen at the final realization that; it is not something that can be easily handled, if not at all?
It was like when a child would make it a point to his parents that he "reallyreallyreallyreallyreally" wanted a specific toy, surely followed by the incessant swearing, at the incessant warnings, that he would not break it, and he would properly take care of it. Finally, when the box with the extremely desired toy is give to the over-exhilarated child, something happens when he opens it and finds so many detached pieces, and an instruction paper can barely decipher; excitement is momentarily set on hold. It is held off because he might be conscious that he simply has to go though another step before he can finally have the toy he saw on TV, which isn't what he is currently staring at, but he simply doesn't understand how to put "A" in "B" and daddy keeps smiling and saying "later".
So he keeps trying and trying, but he doesn't succeed, and wants to give hope, so badly, but something keeps nagging in his head. A reminder of all he had to endure in order to just get all those pieces, so as he realizes that the hardship is not over yet, then inevitably sense of bitter and malignant disappointment kicks in; but, the excitement is still on hold.
And that was exactly how Kazuki felt. After somehow miraculously managing to receive a "box" containing the almost obsessively wished for "Shiroyama Yuu". At his age, Kazuki was well experienced and eager enough that he was doubtlessly ready to follow the instructions and get started. The only problem was that Shiroyama Yuu had no instructions whatsoever.
They'd been officially going out for three months, in which they both coincidentally had no tours, or travel-the-country advertising, and during which they properly "saw" each other: trice.
“When does your tour start again? ...” asked Yuu while he began to shave the left side of his cheek, glimpsing into the mirror at Kazuki, whom was standing behind him taking out his wet laundry to set it to dry.
“In two weeks ...” replied Kazuki as he turned around to look at the elder's reflection in the sizable bathroom mirror of his own apartment. Yuu was simply gorgeous. There wasn't a feature in his face, or a characteristic in his body that didn't appease his eyes. Even with the top of his hair presently being pink he looked nothing less than perfect, and his eyes were never the only ones to feast of the blatant and gratuitous display of handsomeness, in fact, whenever he looked at the elder his entire body tingled. Too many times he would found himself staring just like he presently was, then out of nowhere Yuu would do the simplest actions, such as he did at the moment, sweetly smiling back at him “... yours is in a week right?” he inquired, as he turned back to his task, perfectly knowing he was most likely blushing.
Kazuki always tried his best to act as normal as he could around the elder, they were lovers after all, but that was one of his issue in this relationship. He had no indication of anything, no idea on how to behave around the elder, no perception of whether or not he was "doing a good job". Never before had he been in such a relationship, for once he wasn't what you could call the man of the situation, Yuu being by far the one, so he wasn't used to having to "be taken care of" per say, which was the weirdest thing. Because even though they'd only seen each other three times in three month, on of which they actually never saw each other at all; he somehow didn't feel left out at all.
“Yeah ...” exaggeratedly sighed Yuu, playfully smiling at Kazuki, as he rinsed his face, and quickly dried himself with a towel “... I might soon just decide to come live over here you know?” he then suddenly changed subject, turning to place his chin on Kazuki's shoulder, whom lightly laughed in reply “... and just go to my apartment to do work, play with my guitars, and things like that, because it would be just too much stuff to move here” he concluded, slightly turning his head upwards to stare at Kazuki, whom glimpsed down at him with the tail of his eye.
“This is only the first time you've slept over!” skeptically observed the younger, but the elder remind silent as he kept staring “... What?” he curiously inquired smiling, as his heart began to speed almost in the same way it did the first time they ever spoke, and that was another issue, probably the main one. The fact that he didn't have the elder around like a "regular couple" would, didn't give him the time he needed to get accustomed to even just his presence. Even though he might have spent a few moments with him everyday at work it was completely different. Aoi the guitarist from the GazettE and Shiroyama Yuu were to different beings, both amazing, but different nonetheless.
Aoi was all out there, a borderline spaz if you will. It was hard to keep serious around this extravagantly good-looking being, who liked to put you in the spot ever so brazenly, and tease you so much while doing so that all you will be able to do at one point is simply laugh. And how to not mention his poses with the most hilarious impersonations of a person, who truly thought they are all that, but still manage to add that little something which lets everyone around him know that he is completely teasing them.
He was fun to be around indeed, but also a great font of inspiration when working with. Aoi was completely dedicated to his job, or any task he set himself to do. He was sort of a researcher, constantly trying to find a new sound, an innovative method to perhaps fuse old and new, or even just finding a new phone, which could allow him to perform that one function that the one he just bought wouldn't allow him to.
“You are hot ...” expressed the elder, lifting away from Kazuki's shoulder he then held him by his waist and turned him around so that they could face each other, as the younger manged to drop a wet pair of boxers into the dryer “... and all mine” he sing-sanged, and leaned in to kiss a rather amused Kazuki, whom still couldn't get over the fact that this man was incredibly sweet when needed to; or simply when he was around. Because, Sihroyama Yuu, was a man of the people.
The reason why they didn't spend proper time with each other was because the elder was so to say popular, but it wasn't a fame that had anything to do with him being the members of a famed band, it was the type of fame that brought people in his personal life to constantly be seeking for his company, assistance, or advice and Shiroyama Yuu didn't seem to know, or simply didn't want to say no.
Ruki had desperately needed him to decided on a pair of shoes, a blouse, and sun-glasses, which he ended up choosing by himself anyways. Uruha had needed him to follow him on a trip all the way to other side of Japan to get a particular brand of guitar that was sold only there and he needed a second opinion from someone he trusted. Kai just needed him to talk, discuss some family issues he had, which eventually led the five members to gather and spend a night together, at Yuu's place. Reita on the other hand seemed to never need nothing in particular from the brunette, or anyone at all, but You would feel the need to check on him from time to time.
All that was merely the share from his band mates, whom however he considered like family, which was completely understandable, yet he did also already have a family, a big one at that. Whatever time he had let he'd spend it with his niece and nephews, subsequently have dinners with his parents. And how not to mention the time he ended up not having, but he would spend simply working, and keep self-imposing himself to work, and at a point Kazuki seriously wondered whether the elder ever slept at all.
However, somehow the elder would regularly and on point would always mange to call him and tell to give him a summary of his day, to ask how he was doing, if he needed anything, if everything was alright, and many times Kazuki had wondered whether it would be bad if he simply stated that he wanted to see him. It was a right that lovers possessed right? To spend time with your lover? But Yuu never seemed to bring the subject up, like he didn't want, or need to see him, which depressed the younger and left him confused more and more after each phone call.
“Look who's talking, the guy, who is capable of making thousands of women … and men … have a fit only by walking past them” observed Kazuki, whispering on the elder's lips, after which he compliantly lifted his head, allowing the elder to make his way on his neck.
“But you see ...” resumed the pink-heard, as he peered behind the younger guitarist, closed the top of the washing machine, and lifted him over it “... I have indeed spent a lot of time just playing with my amazing and gorgeous self, but in the long run, my hand just didn't quite make the cut anymore ...” he teasingly explained in a feign sorrowful tone, as Kazuki nodded down at him with a pretense sympathetic expression “... but then I saw you!” he dramatically expressed, turning his head to the side as if the younger had suddenly appeared in that direction “... and the fact that your sole persona had been enough to make me harder way faster than what my hand could, had been the determining factor that made it so for me to be determined in having you by my side” he concluded, as he playfully smiled with himself for having said such profound words, as Kazuki merely shook his head to the elder's distinct love confession.
“I … I … I just ...” began the younger in feign hesitation, while purposely placing his hand over the wrong side of his chest as he went for his heart “... I seem to not feel anything in reaction of such profound words” he grinned, at which Aoi smirked, lifting the younger's hand and gracefully placing it on the left side of his chest, and indicating with his own hand that he should try again “... nah still don't feel anything” laughed Kazuki.
“Oi!” mirthfully admonished the elder, as the younger kept on laughing. This type of behavior was completely Aoiish and he loved it, it was what got him close to the elder in the first place. Kazuki had fallen in love with Aoi, in the same way a child fell in love with the toy displayed on TV, but as they kept working into making their relationship deeper and deeper, beyond sex, which they'd had numerous times before they "officially" began to date, he kept meeting trying to figure out just how much he was allowed to pry into Yuu's life “... don't make me get all Kansai on you cutesy little ass!” he added as he began to tickle the younger, whom writhe and screamed over his own washing machine.
“What does that even mean!” he yelled between laughter “... and there is no part of me that is cutesy!” he added, as he tried to stop the elder from tickling him.
“It means that I'll rough you up badly, in the way a true Kansai man would, which is why our women are so though … and cocky ...” he jokingly stated, while pointing at Kazuki as if displaying an example of "cocky woman" as he laughed to himself for his clever pun, which made Kazuki's struggle for freedom much fierce. Eventually, the battle culminated in the two of them making out, Yuu still standing in-between Kazuki's legs, whom was still sitting over his washing machine.
“Yuu ...” Kazuki lowly called, stopping their necking.
“Hmmm ...” dazedly hummed the elder in reply.
Out of the three times they'd gone out, two out of three had been the elder's suggestion, and the sole time in which Kazuki had had the guts to ask, was on a day he'd went seeking for Ruki's advice on "how to handle Shiroyama Yuu" being the vocalist the closet member to the elder "He'd most likely say yes, but with no particular enthusiasm from any other thing he does" Ruki had said "I tell you, romantically, the man is a mystery to me. Oblivion. You know we tried to have a relationship once, but I am high-maintenance, I know I am and he knew I was! I needed my dose of attention, which wasn't constant but I nee~ded some, and he is just not wired that way. Not to say that he took me for granted, he was sweet as hell, but it sure as hell felt like he did give me for granted! It was like … he didn't feel the need to maybe see each other more than needed or just for the heck of it. We lasted a month, and that my boy, was the longest relationship that the man had ever had in his entire life" had summarized the vocalist.
In many ways, what he'd learned from Ruki had been somewhat helpful, but in many more ways it was also quite useless, because all that it did was confirming facts that Kazuki had already understood by himself, but thye gave him no indication as to why things were the way they were, or as to what was he expected to do, and which he badly wanted to know at this point. Because to put it quite simply and realistically, nobody was forcing Kazuki to stay in such a relationship if he didn't want to; but he did. He truly didn't mind if the other didn't want to see him as much, it would have been nice to see him more often, but it wasn't an issue since the time they actually spent together was the most loyal to definition of quality time he'd ever known.
For example, Kazuki knew that if he were to check on Yuu's cell phone in this very instant, he would find it off, which was the first thing he'd notice about "Shiroyama Yuu”. Whenever they had a date he'd tell people he was busy, promptly turn off his cell phone, and from that moment until the following day, everything was solely and completely about Kazuki. And the whole date felt so natural, like the elder had waited for such a long time to do so, like he truly wanted to spend every second he did with him, and he was always so eager and in search of any affectionate gesture, any caress, any kiss that he could have, if not, he'd steal them. Furthermore, sex for the sake of fucking was completely out of the question, the two of them made love, with a capital "L", and it felt so intensely deep, so incredibly satisfying that whenever they were at it, Kazuki would go from tremendously shy to helplessly loosing control, each and every single time.
All that Kazuki wanted, was the somewhat certainty that the elder wouldn't wake up one morning and call him just to break up for something he could have avoided doing wrong, he wanted to be sure that Shiroyama Yuu acted the way he did, because he was Shiroyama Yuu thus not like everyone else, and wouldn't expect him to be either.
“I don't know how else to ask this, so forgive me if it sounds weird or unfounded but … is everything okay between us?” he finally stated, as Aoi initially looked at him slightly confused still half dazed, which he slowly cleared way replacing it with a seemingly understanding and slightly sympathetic expression that scared the everything out of Kazuki “I just! I am not complaining or anything, seriously! It is my first time being in a relationship that is far from being needy or just like any regular one, and I was just … wondering ...” quickly tried to add Kazuki, as Aoi raised his eyes towards him in slight suspicion.
“So ...” he then hesitantly began, firmly looking into the younger's eyes as if to find a definite proof “... you are not breaking up with me?” he then gingerly inquired, like a child, whom was making sure he wouldn't be spanked by his parents as soon as he turned around to leave the room.
“No! No … I don't want that at all!” rapidly clarified the younger, sounding more troubled by the sole idea than he thought he would have been, or than he wanted to appear to be.
“This ...” resumed Yuu, lowering his eyes on Kazuki's laps “... this our relationship, has been the longest I have ever been in a relationship ...” he stated, bitterly smiling as if commiserating himself “I take myself for granted a lot, though my experience in life I grew up to be a person whom must have a reason for doing anything at all … anything ...” began to explain the elder “... I do not do well with random, and as a result I act quite randomly around everyone, to hide my actual self. Because I am constantly questioning, I am constantly doing, I … can't seem to stop sometimes, and in doing so I loose myself in whatever I do, and I love it that way, me and my work, nothing else … that's how I am, that's whom I learned I am” he carefully tried to explain, looking up at a listening Kazuki every once in a while, as if to check that the younger was actually truly still there “... but I also learned that I am indeed quite human, and after a while of all the hustling and bustling … I get lonely, actually its deeper than that” he corrected himself, and stopped searching for words “... I become “affection deprived”, I suddenly feel the need to be loved, which would be great if it were only that, because I could survive on one night stands, but the thing is ...” he then stopped, vehemently scratching his head, as if changing his mind on proceeding on this emotional disclosure.
“But ...” daintily pushed the younger, after which as if he knew exactly what he was doing, he placed his right hand over the spot of hair that the elder had just finished scratching. He caressed it, straightening the distressed pink locks to their original posture, proceeding to then soothingly stroke the same zone, as Yuu looked straight up at him with what seemed like half surprise, and half admiration.
“... I also need to love, I want to love … I want to be around someone, whom can make my heartbeat speed to unnatural readings, that makes me nervous, and indescribably happy, extremely comfortable in being who I am, and all those other things, which comes with being loved by someone you love” he resumed explaining “... and differently from what you might think, I actually fall in love really easily” he admitted, lightly grinning, at Kazuki whom tenderly smiled in replied, as he kept stroking the elder's locks “... all those relationships that failed, all those people … all of them one by one, I liked a lot, which is why I got together with them, and I was always more than half-way from falling in love with them. So when the inevitable end arrived it hurt … it hurt each time, even though I told myself that this was bound to happen every time, even though I fully didn't love them yet … it still hurt like motherfucker” he lightly chuckled, as he replaced his eyes on Kazuki's laps “... and you could tell when the end was coming you know? Angry tone, sad faces, attitude … all of that, never made any of those "relationships" anything memorable, but then you came ...” he stopped, looking and sounding a tone happier.
“I did uh ...” expressed the younger in slight nervousness while smiling.
“Not once have you complained, you are always smiling, you seem to understand … or rather want to understand "how I work", even thought I might turn out to be exactly the guy you began to understand me to be … and the fact that it has been three months … I am still so flabbergasted, and forgive me for saying this, I am not trying to influence whatever decision you will make from what you heard but ...” he then stopped, lightly biting his lower lip, and attempting a smile he glimpsed up at him and resumed “... I think I am already quite smitten with you” he finally admitted.
Feeling quite on the verge of tears, Kazuki pushed himself off the washing machine, so that he was then standing in front of the elder, and before Yuu could say anything he swiftly embraced him. Enormous relief, and unmeasurable joy taking completely over him,” Kazuki didn't quite know how to respond to such confession, and also didn't seem able to want to ever again release his grip from the elder “... Sometimes … there are indeed times … when I really feel like I want to see you and spend more time with you” he then began, as he untangled himself from the elder “... but I don't know why, I am really not excessively bothered by it when we don't, because I really value the time that we do, and we most likely are not going to have a standard relationship but we are not everybody else right? And nobody is like nobody else so … whatever! right?” smiled Kazuki, as Aoi silently kissed him “... to me, you are alright the way you are” he then nodded as they serenely and fervently stared at each other “... our relationship is wired this way, I understand now, and it is just fine”.
Thus, if that child were to eventually decide to keep attempting on putting together his so much desired toy, slowly but surely, with the right amount of good will and patience, he would learn to understand exactly, how and why, "A" gets into "B" without even having to read the instructions manual anymore, but by simply carefully examining the pieces he has to work with. Finally, once the toy is ready and set to go, all the excitement that was set on hold would burst out tenfold, and not simply because of the final result, but because he'd done it, all by himself, making the toy's worth increase tenfold as well.
Fin
AN: Hello again~ So I seem to be on a streak of describing "peculiar" relationships, and believe me I there are so may out there that I if I went on I'd never finish (LOL). I guess what I'd like for people to take out of this piece, is that it is okay to be different, and that if you are not completely impossible to live with, I am pretty sure there is someone out there for all of us … OrAtLeastThatIsWhatIKeepTellingMySelfBecauseIDon'tWantToEndUpWith72Cats!!! … and that being in a relationship or being in anything at all in this world is NEVER EASY, and I know you all know already, because I already know to … BUT I REALLY DON'T. I don't. Until I am actually in that particular situation then, I will know how hard it truly is, if not I really know nothing. But keep hope, be patient and strong gals and guys! It shall be fine … eventually. Anyways thanks for reading~!
Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-