Isn't It Ironic: Chapter 7 'The Harris’ Publishers Clearing House Moment'

Mar 07, 2011 00:59

Title: Isn’t It Ironic
Author: Luna (aka Luna_del_Cielo on lj)
Fandom: Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cast of Characters: Xander, Gabriel, Willow, Buffy, Giles, Cordelia, Angel, etc
Rating: T
Summary: The irony of the situation was not lost on anyone: Exchange one deadbeat dad for another. Life sure does have a sick sense of humor.
Read specific chapters here: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |



The Harris’ Publishers Clearing House Moment
Willow stared at him in confusion. “Wait…aren’t you supposed to ask me not to kill you?”

Loki shrugged. “Well, hell. You already made the party favors and it would be rather rude of me to ruin your fun, Willow,” he said with a roguish smile.

Feeling rather put-off at his blasé reaction, Willow lowered her stake. “Either you have a death wish…or I’m not very scary to you.” She made a face; it was kind of annoying to not be very helpful with the slaying stuff. If only she had more time to study witchcraft - now there was one way she could get power to help her friends.

“Aw, buck up, sweet pea,” Loki smiled. “You’re plenty scary - but more so in that naughty domination mistress way rather than a killer.” He waggled his eyebrows at her scandalous outfit and Willow felt her pale cheeks heat up.

“Um, so what are you doing here?” she asked as she self-consciously tugged her kind-of skanky shirt down lower. “We know you’re the one who killed Xander’s dad and did those things to Cordelia, Larry, and Principal Snyder.”

“Oh, come on,” Loki rolled his eyes.

“What?”

“Stop acting like you don’t approve. You know those guys all got what they deserve.”

“Wha-no! Of course not! I mean, you killed someone!”

Loki stood up and walked over to her; immediately she pointed the stake at him but he just gently grabbed her wrist and forced her to point it in the other direction. “I killed someone? Or I took care of a necessary problem? You know that Tony Harris had been abusing Xander and his mother since the boy was a kid - that filth didn’t deserve to live.”

Willow stared in wonder at the way the god’s amber eyes churned like molten lava as he angrily made his accusation against Xander’s father. The amount of protectiveness in his voice was confusing - why would a trickster care about her friend’s well-being?

Loki blinked and suddenly let go of her wrist as he stepped back; his stormy demeanor was fading as quickly as it had arrived. “And I didn’t severely harm the other people, so no harm, no foul,” he smiled easily.

Biting her lip, she examined him closely. “So why are you here?”

“I thought we could be friends. Of course,” Loki tossed her a salacious leer, “the kind of friends we are would depend on you. Hang out friends, skateboarding friends, friends with benefits…”

“No!” Willow said in shock. “There will be no benefits of any kind!”

“Aha! So we can be friends then?”

“Wha-no! I am not going to be friends with a trickster god who is causing all sorts of mayhem!” Willow stated decisively.

Loki pouted and sat on her bed again. “Aw, come on. I’m really not that bad once you get to know me.”

And Willow…she being Willow, the girl who was nicer than she should be, felt suddenly bad at his sudden morose demeanor. Maybe he wasn’t really that bad of a guy, she thought. Mr. Harris was kind of evil and those other tricks weren’t a big deal, she supposed. “Okay, say that I believe you aren’t that bad of a guy,” she began tentatively as Loki looked up and gave her a radiant smile. “Just why do you want to be my friend, anyways?” After all, Buffy had been an anomaly - normally people did not want to be her friend.

Grinning, Loki snapped his fingers and a box of Twinkies popped into existence. “Want one?” Willow shook her head and then stared in surprise as the pagan god began devouring not just one Twinkie but the entire box. “See, it’s like this, Willow. I, uh…” Loki trailed off as he stuffed another spongy yellow cake in his mouth.

Willow observed him curiously as he struggled to find whatever words he needed to tell her. There was something about him that was niggling at her brain and for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why the trickster seemed so familiar. Hmm. Maybe it was just his Twinkie fetish - that was very Xander of him.

“It’s like what?” she prompted; her fingers still curled around the stake.

“See, I’m, uh, thinking about relocating here for a while so I thought it’d be best to meet the locals,” he said suddenly with a shrug and easy smile. “And I watched you try to figure out the funky costume stuff tonight and knew you were definitely a smart, classy lady. So you seemed like the best person for me to get to know first!”

His words were very flattering and Willow wasn’t quite used to such things, yet there was something off about him. “Wait a second,” she said as her mind began to go over his statement. “Were you the one responsible for the costumes tonight?”

Loki grinned. “Guilty as charged! That was pretty funny, wasn’t it?”

“No!” she answered harshly. “You turned little kids into demons! And Spike and his gang almost got us - and would have killed Buffy had the spell not been reversed in time!”

Loki frowned and she had the feeling that maybe the pagan god wasn’t used to hearing about the negative consequences to his spells. “Well, that may be so - but the slayer didn’t die, did she? I fixed everything in the end,” he smiled as his legs kicked playfully from his position sitting on her bed.

Willow held up her stake again and tried to put on her toughest face - the one Xander called her ‘Resolve Face’. “Ok, that’s it. You are officially not a good guy,” she decided. “You have no regard for human lives and don’t care who you hurt - not to mention, not only did you murder Xander’s dad but now his mom is in debt paying for the funeral and now they’re even more broke since their dad can’t work.”

Loki’s eyes flared in surprise.

“Yeah, you didn’t think of that, did you? You just thought you were getting rid of a bad guy but there are consequences, buddy. Just like who knows what kind of trauma those kids will have after tonight’s Halloween!” Willow said sternly as she tried to embrace her anger and indignation just to give her more courage.

“Hmm, I suppose I didn’t,” Loki mused softly. Then he gave her a wide smile. “Thanks, Willow! I knew you’d be helpful!” With those words he blinked out of existence and Willow was alone in her room, praying that the fairly peculiar and certainly dangerous pagan god wouldn’t come back.

Xander felt like his mind was encased in sweet, beautiful clouds of cotton candy as he annoyingly tapped his alarm. Mmm. Cotton candy. It almost made him hungry…maybe he should wake up…not that he wanted to. An animalistic yawn tore its way out of his body as he threw the covers off and jerked up in bed. With almost-robotic movements he made his way, clad only in boxes and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tee, to the kitchen. He tried not to really look at the place - the kitchen had only bad memories since ‘Mike Tyson’ had visited - and yanked a box of OJ out of the fridge. He began drinking from the container - mom didn’t like OJ and dad…well he wasn’t around to bitch about Xander drinking it all now, was he? - and wondered if he had time to shower before school. Let’s see…it was Wednesday the first so he had that math test…hmm, maybe he should shower to wake himself up some more.

Immediately Xander started choking on his orange juice. “Holy Batman!” he gasped as memories from last night assaulted his brain and his mind became wide awake. Yesterday was Halloween…and he had been an army soldier. WEIRD. Like, that was beyond typical Hellmouth weird. It was almost creepy to remember how he had been watching himself as the soldier but couldn’t really control his actions. Even more weird was how he could still remember everything that his soldier self had remembered.

Huh. That part on rocket launchers and army bases might come in handy someday.

A loud knock at the door struck him out of his mental wanderings and he thrust the OJ back into the fridge before going to the door. Waiting for him outside was a sharply dressed business man in a blue suit and carrying a briefcase. He was in his fifties with salt-and-pepper hair and serious blue eyes. “My name is Roman Russell and I’m here to speak to Mrs. Jessica Harris, please.”

“Uh…sure,” Xander said. He glanced back into the house and winced at the cluttered living room that had not been clean since his mom entered a deeper level of depression after his dad died. “Um, you can come in but the place is kind of a wreck…” he trailed off shamefully.

The man just nodded and stepped inside while Xander began calling for his mom. She arrived a few minutes later garbed in a thick purple robe and her frizzy red hair sat heavily upon her shoulders. “Yes, how can we help you?” she asked in a voice devoid of much life. His mom had always been depressed for as long as he could remember - probably thanks to dad - but since he died there was something so lost about her that it hurt Xander to see.

“Ma’am, my name is Roman Russell from Spiritus and Mortalitas Life Insurance. I’m here about your husband’s policy.”

“My…husband’s policy?” his mom asked in bafflement. “He didn’t even have much of a health insurance plan; much less any fancy life insurance policy.”

Xander sat down next to his mom on the frayed green couch they had picked up once on the side of the road. His fingers intertwined with hers and she squeezed in thanks.

Mr. Russell set his briefcase down on the cluttered coffee table, freely ignoring the several old dishes that were there. “Perhaps he meant it as a surprise, ma’am. Most folks don’t feel comfortable bringing up death around loved ones.”

“Oh,” his mom whispered in surprise. “Well, it would be nice to have something to cover the funeral expenses I suppose.”

Xander grimaced. His mom didn’t work and at this rate didn’t look like she was going to be up and at ‘em to get a job anytime soon. If his dad’s death could bring something good out of this entire mess, things would be so much better.

Mr. Russell smiled slightly. “Actually Mrs. Harris, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about those funeral expenses - or really anything else for the rest of your life.”

Xander’s muscles stiffened as he exchanged a wary glance at his mom. “What do you mean?” he asked.

Mr. Russell gave them a brilliant smile. “Tony Harris’ life insurance policy was for one million dollars.”

After that, Xander wasn’t sure who passed out first - him or his mother.

Hours later Xander arrived at school just in time for his final class - math. Ugh. Well, whatever. He was in such a good mood that not even the mathiest of the math could spoil it! With that thought in mind, he sauntered into the library whistling a jaunty tune; not even noticing when Giles, Buffy, and Willow were looking at him funny.

“Hey! How are you crazy cats doing?” Xander greeted happily.

“Scooby meeting’s about to start. I brought donuts.” Buffy smiled as she held up a white box.

“Mmm, Lady Buffy of Buffonia, you only get more amazing by the minute,” he grinned while swiping a jelly.

Buffy made a face. “Ugh, my days of lady-dom are over. I like being a strong and independent female much better, thank you.”

“Don’t you have to be a lady first before your lady days can be over?” Cordelia sniffed as she strolled into the library.

“Gee, Cordy, I’m surprised to see you here. Considering your cat suit last night I would have thought you’d be on a stage in Vegas by now,” Buffy retorted with fake friendliness.

“Maybe if you didn’t eat so many jelly donuts you might look as good as me in a cat suit,” Cordelia smirked as she sat down in her usual spot.

“And just why are you here again?” Buffy asked with furrowed brows and rolling eyes.

“I want to know who’s responsible for ruining Halloween last night!” Cordelia answered in annoyance. “I was going to hang out with Devon from the Dingoes but that stupid spell ruined it.”

Xander pursed his lips as he considered his options. He really wanted to share his news with everyone but at the same time it was decidedly off-topic. Plus, the more he thought about it the more he wondered if his mom’s newfound wealth would change how people viewed him. The last thing he wanted was to turn into some sort of male-version of Cordelia.

“Hey guys,” he interrupted before Giles could answer Cordelia. “I have some news.”

Willow gave him a curious look. “You alright, Xander? You haven’t been in class all day.”

He shook his head. “I showed up to Math. But, um, yeah - everything’s great actually,” he smiled. “I had to stay home part of today to help my mom with some stuff.”

“How is she?”

Xander looked up in alarm to see that Cordelia of all people was the one who was asking. And she even looked sympathetic. Weird…he wasn’t used to her being nice. Sure, he remembered Buffy saying that Cordelia had asked how he was doing after his dad was killed, but seeing her not be self-centered for one moment was just odd.

“Well, she’s better now, actually.” Xander let loose a wide grin. “This morning a life insurance guy came to our door…turns out my dad took out a policy…for a million dollars!”

Buffy began choking on her donut, Cordelia was staring in disbelief, Giles began sputtering and cleaning his glasses, and a rather suspicious look came into Willow’s eyes.

“Xander! Why, that is marvelous. Congratulations,” Giles said.

“Yeah, Xander this is great! Your mom will have money to take care of you guys plus you can buy all the shoes you want!” Buffy grinned.

“But Buff, I don’t care about shoes,” Xander protested.

Buffy patted his hand fondly. “You say that now.”

“Well, hopefully this means you can stop shopping at the Salvation Army now,” Cordelia commented dryly as she eyed his tropical print shirt; looking thoroughly unimpressed by his statement.

Xander rolled his eyes. “Thanks Cordy.” Then he noticed that Willow was being quiet. “Don’t worry Willow,” he teased. “I promise now that I’m rich I won’t forget all the little people.”

Willow blushed and smiled, but she pushed a strand of red hair behind her ear - a tell-tale sign she was nervous.

“Willow…what’s the matter? Aren’t you excited by my Publishers Clearing House moment?” Xander asked in confusion. As his oldest friend Willow knew better than anyone what his family’s finances were like - he would have thought she’d be happy for him.

“Um, I think I know why you got that mysterious life insurance,” Willow began tentatively.

“Mysterious?” Xander repeated. “It’s not mysterious. I mean, sure, my mom didn’t know about it but the insurance guy said my dad must have wanted to keep it a secret.”

“Yeah…about that…I may have mentioned it to someone last night about how your mom’s, um, money situation wasn’t that good,” Willow said nervously as she fiddled with her hands and looked down at the table.

“What are you talking about Willow? And if so, why are you acting all nervous? Clearly you must have talked to Glinda the Good Witch for me,” Xander laughed.

“It was Loki, actually.”

Hearing the name of his father’s murderer was like getting punched in the gut; for a moment he couldn’t breathe. They had all figured out several days ago that a trickster was responsible and that it had to be the same one Xander had met at the Bronze. And now Willow was talking to this psycho?

“Willow, what the heck were you thinking, talking to him? He murdered my dad! Xander stated angrily as he felt himself start to lose control over his emotions.

“Xander, I didn’t have much of a choice!” Willow snapped irritably. “He just showed up in my room last night after I got home!”

“He what?” Xander shouted. “What did he do to you? I’ll kill him” he swore. To his side he saw Buffy wearing a similar protective look.

“That’s just the thing! He didn’t do anything. Well,” she frowned, “I think he was hitting on me-”

“What?” Xander shouted again in a protective voice.

Willow winced at his loud voice. “Anyways, he…I don’t know. It was weird.”

Giles cut off Xander and asked her a question. “How so, Willow?”

“Well, he was trying to rationalize to me why he, um, killed Xander’s dad - said his dad abused Xander and his mom and he deserved it.”

The back of Xander’s neck burned hotly as Cordelia and Giles stared at him in surprise. Buffy, who had learned about the abuse right after his dad died, was silent and lightly laid her fingers over his elbow in a show of support. “Yeah, well, that doesn’t give him the right to just kill him,” Xander snapped.

Willow gave him a frustrated look. “I know that, Xander. That’s what I told him. But it was…weird…because he seemed kind of protective of you. I don’t know,” she shrugged. “And then I told him that his actions had consequences and now with your dad gone your mom was broke, and then he left.”

Xander paled slightly and shook his head. “So that insurance money is really hush money. He’s paying me off so I won’t kill him.”

Willow spoke up. “Actually I don’t think-”

“-Well he’s wrong. We’ll kill him Xander, don’t worry,” Buffy stated resolutely.

“Humph, well if I was you I’d ask for some more. One million isn’t enough shut up money, that’s for sure. You should definitely ask for a place in Malibu,” Cordelia suggested.

Xander just gave her an exasperated look.

“What?” Cordelia asked incredulously. “I never said don’t kill him. Just get more money first.” She shrugged. “You’d be surprised how quickly one million dollars can disappear.”

“God Cordy, is that all you think about? Money?” Xander asked in vexation.

“No!” she retorted sharply as she folded her arms across her chest. “I’m just thinking ahead and planning for the future.”

“Okay Cordy, I’ll make sure to ask the nice evil murdering pagan god for some extra money before I stick a bloody stake through his heart,” Xander said sarcastically.

“Fine, Xander. Whatever,” Cordelia snapped with a toss of her hair.

“Okaaaaay then,” Buffy said with raised eyebrows as she looked back and forth from Xander to Cordelia and tried to ignore the tension in the room. “Let’s make a pagan god killing plan, guys.”

“Hiya Willow,” a voice whispered in her ear so close it tickled her ear.

Immediately she swatted over her shoulder and turned to face the trickster. “What are you doing here?” she asked in annoyance. Her eyes scanned her surroundings and she was slightly annoyed that she had agreed to walk home alone.

Loki feigned a sad look. “Aw, is that how you greet your friends?”

She rolled her eyes. “We are not friends.”

“Whatever,” Loki snorted as he took her arm and began leading her away.

“Hey! What are you doing!” she shouted in anger and fear.

He paused and fixed her with a stern look. “Honestly, I can see why most humans live here and die here since they’re ignorant of what goes bump in the night. But you’re not yet you’re still walking home in the dark. Are you stupid or something?”

Willow’s mouth dropped open in shock. No one ever called her stupid! What a jerk!

…even if maybe he did have a good point.

“So anyways, friend I’m walking you home,” Loki finished with a smirk.

Unsure of what to do, Willow obliged him and continued to let him lead her down the sidewalk. “So, I’ve been thinking about what you said last night.” He paused and gave her a wolfish grin. “And I’ve been thinking about your outfit, which, no offense, was way hotter than what you got on now.”

Willow glanced down at her red corduroy overalls and white turtleneck. She blushed as she realized how skanky she had dressed last night…and oddly she almost wished she was wearing something like that again.

“Anyways, back to topic. I was thinking about what you said and today started fixing things. I visited all the good little children to make sure they weren’t mentally scarred plus I took care of the Harris family.”

“Oh. Um, well, good.” She wondered why this trickster cared so much about being good.

“So how did Xander take the news, anyways? Was he glad?” Loki asked eagerly.

Willow pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. She was awful at lying but she couldn’t very well tell Loki that Xander was planning on killing him! “Um, yeah, he was pretty excited when he told us.”

His amber eyes gave her a piecing look. “But…?”

She shook her head. “But nothing!” Willow gave him a weak smile. “But nothing, haha! Isn’t that kind of funny how we have a word in our English language that has two completely different meanings? I mean, that must be so confusing to a non-native speaker! What if every time they heard the word they thought you were talking about butts, like you know, your tush or something?” Willow let out a forced laugh.

Loki stopped walking and stared at her. “You’re babbling, Willow. I find that most humans do so when they are very nervous. But the question is, what would you have to be nervous about? Unless, of course, there is something you aren’t telling me?”

Willow licked her lips and shook her head. “No…that would be crazy,” she grinned. “I mean, who lies to an all-powerful trickster god? Not me! No sirree.”

Loki just stared at her for a moment longer before nodding and continuing their walk. Willow let out an internal sigh and really hoped the god didn’t smite her. When they got to her door she forced another smiled and gestured towards him. “Do you, um, wanna come in? I was gonna eat some ice cream.” Willow had observed the trickster’s sweet tooth and knew it was the perfect ‘carrot’ for him.

“Ice cream!” he repeated brightly. “Hells yes, Red!” He stepped in after her, smiling as she locked the door. “So I guess we are friends, huh? I knew you’d warm up to me eventually.”

“Yeah,” she laughed. “Guess so. Um, why don’t you have a seat in my dad’s Laz-E-Boy? I’ll go grab the ice cream.”

Loki grinned and sat back in the plump easy chair. “Awesome. And if you have any chocolate syrup and whipped cream, don’t forget that. ‘Cause, ya know, if you wanted to rethink that ‘with benefits’ part of our friendship, those two items would make for a good start.”

“When I’m done with you, you’ll have less benefits than a Wisconsin teacher’s union,” a new voice suddenly threatened the trickster.

character: cordelia, character: buffy, btvs, character: willow, spn, isn't it ironic, character: xander, character: giles, character: gabriel

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