Living as Lenore: Chapter 14: There Are Worst Things in Life…
Title: Living as Lenore
Author: Luna (aka Luna_del_Cielo on lj)
Fandom: Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cast of Characters: Tara/Lenore McLeod, Fergus McLeod/Crowley, Loki/Gabriel, Anya, Castiel, Kali, Eli, Dean, Sam, Scoobies
Rating: T
Summary: Willow tried to bring Tara back…and she did. Unfortunately, she was brought back to life in 1672. Now 'Lenore' has to deal with witches, demons, pagan gods, and even angels, as she struggles to find the red-haired woman she sees in her dreams.
Pairings: Multiple pairings that will include the characters: Anya, Gabriel, Kali, Tara/Lenore, Willow - at least.
Spoilers: BTVS S6E19 ‘Seeing Red’, SPN S2E3 ‘Bloodlust’. Spoilers for Crowley's past in S6 “Weekend at Bobby’s” and allusions to Loki's past in S5 ‘Changing Channels’
Warnings: Character death, Femslash (nothing explicit)
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I did then fewer people would have died in each of those shows :)
Read specific chapters here: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Or all of the entire story here: Living as Lenore
Read More...
Chapter 14: There Are Worst Things in Life…
Calcutta, India
November 5, 1717
She speaks before Lenore even has an opportunity to protest. “You are ready.”
Silent, Lenore only nodded and looked out into the valley of the Hooghly River. Her sharp eyes took note of the Kali’s devotees preparing the Kavi Kankan Chandi Temple for the Festival of Kali Puja. There are ten of them hanging red hibiscus flowers - Kali’s favorite - and lanterns. None of them realized that their beloved goddess overlooked them and Lenore wonders what they would think if they knew the truth.
But past the temple and down the river there are demons that are preparing to disrupt tomorrow’s festival. These creatures are unlike anything she saw during her time with Willow and Buffy. All bore braided hair tied back with the dried human skin, each had eyes that glowed red with hate, and their stature of seven feet towered over all living beings in this valley. Their weapons were the sharpened ribs of human victims and they were garbed in animal skins - tigers and wolves for the most part.
Lenore wondered what it said about her that she was more angry about their wolf victims than their human ones. Perhaps Kali had been correct - she was starting to lose touch with her human side after fourteen years of being isolated from them.
A malevolent smile twisted the features of her lover’s face as Kali gestured below. “Tonight I shall once again dance on the bodies of demons.”
Then they were both running swiftly through the trees. Kali could teleport whenever she desired but Lenore knew that she loved the hunt almost more than she loved the kill. Over the past year and a half she had begun teaching Lenore many things - primarily Kali’s own version of the Kama Sutra for the first three months. But Kali’s true lust for life was in death and destruction and Lenore quickly discovered that her new lover was a demon slayer at heart.
It amused her to no end how one of her college courses on World Religions painted Kali as more demonic than anything else. Kali was in fact the slayer of the Indian sub-continent, along with many of her brethren, and was responsible for wiping out the unholy populations that desecrated their land and murdered their people. Her most famous slaying was the demon Raktavija who had been impossible to kill for years due to his magical boon that whenever a drop of his blood spilled he was replicated. It was not until Kali drank every drop of his blood and devoured his duplicates that he was finally killed.
After learning that, she understood a bit more what the goddess had in common with a vampire like Lenore.
As Lenore waited in the tall reeds near the river she eyed the twenty demons that were boasting of their plans. Their leader was the demon Sumbha, brother of the deceased Raktavija, who wanted revenge against Kali and plotted to take it in the form of murdering her thousands of followers tomorrow.
Needless to say, Kali had not been happy when she had discovered his plans.
Lenore’s mind tickled and she knew it was Kali signaling her. Like lightning, she struck the nearest demon without warning and cleaved his body in two with her ruby-encrusted broadsword - a gift from Kali. Battle cries were sounded and both females went to work hacking away their opponents - and in Kali’s case sometimes ripping their heads off of their bodies.
Kali had declared soon after she had taken Lenore from Loki that Lenore needed to share in Kali’s love of demon hunting. After all, Kali had seen during their moment of mental connection back in the Alpha’s prison of Lenore’s past life’s adventures demon hunting with the Scooby Gang and thus knew that Lenore would be an excellent companion for her. Lenore had been unsure in the beginning. It was only because of her need for blood had she become a hunter of animals - she was not a death dealer at heart. But Kali had been persistent - er, in many NC-17 rated ways - and Lenore had complied.
She was surprised by how good she was at it…and she kind of even liked it. Was that the demon in her? Or was this an untapped aspect of her human personality, as both Tara and Lenore? She wasn’t sure…thinking about such things made her head ache with uneasiness.
Kali’s laughter rang out into the air like a thunderclap and the earth rumbled as she delivered a powerful kick at Sumbha and he was thrown onto the ground. Lenore quickly went to work on the remaining three demons as Kali spoke in a blood-filled voice.
Yes, another fun fact about Kali that Lenore discovered is how much the pagan goddess enjoyed the taste of blood. Blood and raw flesh were her snacks of choice - very much unlike Loki yet more in tune with Lenore’s concept of a pagan god.
“Sumbha. You were a fool to come here, to my center of power. Your lust for revenge has shrouded your judgment,” Kali spoke in a frosty matter-of-fact tone.
Sumbha stood up and raised his four arms, each gripping a sharpened rib-dagger. Dozens of pointed teeth gleamed under the full moon and he laughed in return. “No, you are the fool, Kali. You think that your dalliance with this vampire went unnoticed?”
Lenore looked at the demon sharply as she killed his final remaining minion.
Kali’s anger wilted the grass around her, leaving her standing in a perfect ten foot diameter of brown grass. “Do not speak of what you are not worthy to voice, demon,” she seethed.
Suddenly four arms gripped Lenore tightly around the middle and the vampire dropped her sword. She groaned out loud as her ribs were broken in the constrictor hold.
“Don’t move, Kali,” Sumbha gloated. “Or my brother will kill her.”
“Nisumbha,” Kali greeted coldly as her powerful arms hung limply at her sides. “I thought that Sumbha was the only one resurrected.”
“You thought wrong,” the demon behind her hissed happily. “That message you received? It was meant to draw you out, Kalika.”
Kali bristled at him referring to her by the name of her darker aspect. “And what is the plan now? To kill me?” she scoffed. “That is beyond your reach.”
“You consumed our brother and we know that all things consumed by you live within you,” explained Sumbha as he carefully stepped closer to Lenore and his brother. “Bring him back.”
“You must think me a fool,” Kali laughed outright. “That plague of humankind can never be released.”
Nisumbha squeezed tighter and Lenore gasped as she felt a broken rib rip through her right lung. “Are you willing to bet your lover’s life on it?” he sneered.
Lenore’s watery eyes met her the goddess’ and Kali’s gaze softened as she looked at her lover. Their bond was unique and the time spent with Kali were the happiest of her cursed existence. However, they never exchanged words of such things - Kali hated ‘sweet and sappy’ - but Lenore knew that the goddess loved her.
What she didn’t know is if she was willing to bet her life on it. She trusted Kali but the Goddess of Eternal Energy had a much different viewpoint on death than most - Kali did not see it as a bad thing.
Kali’s gaze hardened as she looked at the demons. “Lenore is a phoenix - from her flames will come ashes and the cycle of death shall continue.”
Phoenix. That was her pet name for Lenore. She was trying to tell her something…but Lenore was in so much pain that thinking was difficult…One of her ribs had subtly pierced her heart just a centimeter but it was enough to weaken her and cause mind-numbing pain. The pain was so hot that it felt like she was on fire…
Fire.
Lenore caught Kali’s gaze and winked, just as Sumbha let out a roar of frustration. “Fine then. Nisumbha, kill her!” he cried as the demon surged forward at the goddess.
Using ever last bit of magical power available to her critically ill body, Lenore concentrated and flames roared over her skin - a fun trick she had known as a human and one that Kali helped her to perfect. Nisumbha wailed in pain and released her. His body was more flammable than a half-breed vampires and as Lenore directed all the flames from her body to his, he erupted into a fiery inferno that ended in ashes.
Sumbha stabbed at Kali savagely while she just laughed and evaded his fury-fueled endeavors. “I’ll kill your whore!” he swore.
A dark and savage look flitted across her face as Kali cut off all four of his limbs with two strokes and then cradled his skull in her hands. “Do not speak ill of Lenore,” she chided in a murderous tone. Then she slowly squeezed his head - for Kali it wasn’t a ‘fun’ kill if there wasn’t pain in the involved - until Sumbha’s head went *plop* like a wet, juicy grape.
“And take that!” Lenore laughed weakly from his position laying in the dry grass. His chest blossomed with pain and the color red danced in front of her eyes. Kali grabbed her hand tenderly.
“It hurts,” Lenore whimpered.
A cool hand laid over her forehead. “This too shall pass, my Phoenix.” Kali picked Lenore up and cradled her against her chest. “I shall take you home now to recover.”
“Kali,” she managed weakly as her vision began darkening. “Would you have let me die?” Lenore was afraid to ask, afraid to know the truth - that Kali meant more to her than she did to the goddess - but her heart cried out for that knowledge regardless.
“I may be your lover, but I am not your God. Your soul does not follow my ways and thus I would be restricted from seeing you in the afterlife,” she sighed sadly, in a way that made Lenore realize that Kali had given this great thought. “And I if I cannot see you in the afterlife then I can only see you on this side of the Maya. So no, I would not have let them kill you.”
The goddess turned her eternal gaze onto Lenore and smiled softly. “After all, I love you.”
Lenore smiled through watery tears of mixed pain and joy.
Liberton, Scotland
April 11, 1729
Rain trickled softly from the skies and the fresh water mixed with the tears on her cheeks. She stood silently outside Elspeth’s home, cast in shadows, as she watched her grown children through the windows. Somewhere in there Elspeth was dying - Lenore had seen visions of it during her mediations - and there was nothing she desired more than to see one of the most important people in the world to her before she passed.
Of course, Elspeth had kept her word from all those years ago - the house was covered with impenetrable wards that blocked out all demons, including Lenore.
A warm hand was placed on her shoulder. “I can momentarily disrupt the wards so you can enter. Would you like that?”
Lenore gave her a thankful smile. As soon as she had received the vision Kali had offered to take her back home. Lenore was wary of being around her family but after spending more time with humans in the last couple years and following Kali’s mantra she felt more confidence than before. “Yes, please.”
As Kali went about the deactivation spell, Lenore kept her eyes, nose, and ears focused on the house. She could smell the decay of coming death and knew that her cousin did not have time. However, it made her happy to see the house full of people and Lenore knew that Elspeth would leave this world loved. It was apparent to her that Elspeth had kept her word - she had raised Lenore’s children as her own.
Her heart warmed as she saw her three children - all in their twenties and thirties - hold each other close in the kitchen. The hug was brought on by one of the girls crying and Alexander comforting them both. She could hear what they were saying and the names they called each other by, but it was Lenore’s ability to see their auras that identified her children to her.
Alexander was a strapping man of thirty-four with a brilliant red and purple aura that hinted he was well-versed in magic and combating the forces of darkness. Idly she wondered what exactly he did. His jaw was strong and his eyes dark, but he had a smile that lit up the entire room and Lenore knew she had been correcting in naming him after Xander.
Elizabeth was a dark-haired beauty but her face was solemn and the worry that creased her features made Lenore sad. It appeared that Elizabeth had a heavy weight upon her shoulders and Lenore thought there had to be more to that than Elspeth’s illness. Her aura was such a light blue that it was almost white and Lenore was curious what her daughter was like.
And Dawn, the youngest of them at twenty-nine, had deep blue eyes and sandy blonde hair, much like her father. While she was sad now Lenore got the impression that her daughter was light-hearted by nature. When she moved it was with confidence. That, combined with a dusty red and brilliant purple aura, made Lenore very curious as to what her daughter was like.
She could tell that all three of them had powerful magical abilities and reckoned that Elspeth had taught them well. Likely they had been warned of their demonic mother so Lenore would have to tread carefully during this visit.
The snapping of wood cracked through the air so loudly that Lenore thought it was thunder at first, but realized that an old crone of a woman had emerged from the center of the willow tree in the backyard. “Who dares to disrupt these words?” her voice boomed, thick with power.
“Hecate. I should have known you were responsible for this,” Kali stated in an even tone.
Hecate gave the other goddess and Lenore a suspicious look. She walked from the tree and with each step the lines slipped off her face until she was a young woman. Her hair was a mass of red curls and she was dressed simply. “Kali. What on earth are you doing here?” Her tone was emotionless and Lenore wasn’t sure if this goddess was friend or foe.
“I need to see someone. It is only for a moment.”
“Then go. But the demon,” she hissed, “is not permitted. The four witches inside completed many spells worthy of my protection.”
“That’s my family!” Lenore shouted suddenly. She was so close, so achingly close, that she couldn’t turn back now. “I’ve prepared myself for twenty-eight years for this moment! I’ve harnessed my need and I am ready now. I won’t hurt them, I swear it.” Her fists were clenched close to her sides and her jaw tightened as Hecate looked her over.
“So. You’re the new little pet of the gods these days. Lenore, is it?” she smiled - but it was not a terribly nice smile.
Not knowing how to respond to that she simply answered, “I am Lenore, yes.”
“You may have a soul and think you are not evil, but that’s just a lovely façade my dear. I know evil - women have been requesting my power for centuries to both protect against evil and do evil - and I see it within you. You are not worthy to pass my wards.”
“Hecate,” Kali said in a low voice. “I myself vow that I will not let her harm one of the humans you have granted protection too.”
“I haven’t drank from a human since I was ran away from the Alpha,” Lenore added. “I refuse to take a human life.”
“Life can be taken in many different ways, Lenore. You don’t need to kill someone to end their life.”
“What do you mean?” she asked curiously.
“A single bite of your venomous jaws will transform a person into something like you.”
“I would never do that!” Lenore declared indignantly.
“You say that now. But what will you do when you see your loved ones, your family, dying all around you?” Hecate asked with a neatly trimmed eyebrow rising in amusement. “You are young and thus untested. Besides, no demon of your nature has managed to survive without dealing death for long.”
Lenore paused and her shoulders slumped in response to the Greek goddess’ words. She had never thought of that. But she would never turn someone - would she?
“Please,” Lenore begged. She had to see Elspeth again. To apologize, to explain, to hold her again. Just something!
Hecate sighed loudly and folded her arms across her chest. “You give your vow?” she asked Kali.
“Yes.”
“In return I demand a favor from each of you - to be called on by me whenever I wish.”
Kali hesitated. The granting of favors to other gods could prove disastrous sometimes. “I agree to your terms.”
“As do I,” Lenore supplied.
Hecate waved her arms and Lenore felt the magic in the air evaporating. “Go and be quick about it.”
Lenore went without another word.
Lenore flittered from shadow to shadow in the house until finally she stood in the darkened corner of Elspeth’s bedroom. Her surrogate mother was no more than a shriveled prune with deathly pale skin hung in loose folds over her thin bones. Her mousy brown hair lay around her shoulders and appeared recently brushed; its shine was evidence that Elspeth was being well taken care of.
Easily laying a silencing charm over the room so no one could overhear them, Lenore stepped from her hidden spot and the creak of a floorboard announced her arrival.
Weary brown eyes glanced in her direction and the surprise on Elspeth’s face was evident. She opened her mouth to scream but Lenore was sitting at her side in a moment with her hand gently laid over her cousin’s mouth.
“Elspeth, please,” she begged. “Do not be afraid. I would never hurt you.”
“You killed Fergus, your own brother!” Elspeth accused in a croaking voice once Lenore took her hand away.
“No,” she shook her head. “That was the night his demon came to collect his soul, care of two hellhounds that I tried to fight off - but failed.”
Those eyes that Lenore bitterly remembered as loving now narrowed at her in a mix of loathing and fear. “Then why were you drinking his blood, demon? I know about your kind. My Lenore was killed the moment she was turned. Her soul is gone now.”
“Elspeth,” Lenore sighed in frustration. “That is only true of the half-breed vampires - I’m more demon than ‘real’ vampire. I have a soul. I’m still me. And I didn’t kill Fergus…but I was a young vampire back then and the smell of the blood did drive me to temporary madness,” she tried to explain.
Elspeth’s eyes squinted as she shook her head. “No, I don’t believe you,” she stated but there was something else in her tone - hope that maybe she was wrong. “Now leave here and don’t harm the children!”
Lenore dropped her face into her hands and choked back a frustrated sob. “Elspeth, how can I make you believe me? I left you all those years ago and failed to argue my innocence because I was a danger at that time. I was young and foolish and a slave to my bloodlust. But I’ve only drank from animals since then and meditation has helped me to concentrate on ignoring the need for human blood. I swear upon the lives of my children!”
Elspeth was silent so Lenore turned to her with tears in her eyes. “What must I do, Elspeth - what must I do?” she asked her former mentor sadly.
“If you are truly Lenore then you know my stance on demons. If you want to prove your innocence then you will leave - leave and never return. I’ve told the children about you and they know how to protect themselves against all sorts of demons. In fact, Alexander and Dawn are Hunters who help protect our lands against your kind. So, demon, know that you are known here. Nothing you say can change the truth.”
Lenore’s eyes slid shut with a silent wail of agony as she processed Elspeth’s matter-of-fact but hurtful words. She stood silently and looked down at her dying cousin, her dearest relative, with love and compassion. Logically, Lenore had expected this sort of speech…but emotionally she had been hoping for a different reaction.
“As you wish, my dearest cousin. I will love you always,” she whispered. Lenore bent down and brushed her lips softly over Elspeth’s clammy forehead. The scent of Elspeth’s blood wafted up to Lenore but it took no effort to ignore it - her bloodlust was cordoned off by the emotional pain of this situation. “May God protect you and take you into his grace.”
Elspeth’s tired eyes caught Lenore’s and she saw a softness flicker within them for a moment, but her cousin remained silent.
Lenore deftly climbed out of the window and jumped down from the second story. Landing easily on her feet she glanced once more at Elspeth’s window and then turned to make her way back to Kali.
Yet surprisingly there was a figure in her way - Elizabeth. Lenore’s throat closed up as she wondered if not one but two rejections would greet her homecoming.
“Mother,” Elizabeth greeted in a calm voice.
Lenore was taken aback. “Y-you know me?”
Elizabeth nodded and her solemn expression momentarily brightened. “Of course.”
Then Lenore remembered Elspeth’s words. “Ah. Because of what Elspeth told you?”
“No,” she responded with a small smile. “She did tell us about you but I never really believed it, unlike Dawn and Alexander.”
“Why not?” Lenroe asked warily as hope flickered within her heart.
“Do you remember the day that Castiel first visited us, mother? How I knew what he was?”
“Yes.”
Elizabeth smiled shyly. “I know things. Sometimes they come to me in a dream or a vision. I also have a talent for seeing auras - Elspeth told me that you did as well.”
“That I did,” Lenore smiled, proud that her daughter had inherited her traits. Her daughter was so beautiful in her unique way and suddenly just looking at her made Lenore want to cry with happiness.
“I can see you - truly see you for what you are.” Noticing Lenore’s pained expression she elaborated. “Yes, I can see that you are a demon. But there is a light within your aura that shines of heroism and goodness. Elspeth is wrong - you are not evil.”
“Oh, Elizabeth,” she sighed happily as she drew nearer to her daughter. “Your words bring me great peace.”
Elizabeth smiled softly but her calm expression cracked as Lenore approached her. A well of sadness shone through her eyes and she bit her lip to keep from crying. “Oh mama, I wish that you had been here. I’ve missed you so much.”
Fluidly Lenore slid over to her dear grown daughter and held her close, rocking her slowly back and forther while murmuring loving words. After a while she pulled back and tenderly pushed back a stray hair that was hanging in her daughter’s face. “My dearest daughter, my beautiful sweet Elizabeth, I am so proud of you. Proud of your talents and your wisdom. I wish I could have been there for you. I’m sorry that I failed you,” she said tearfully.
“It’s okay, mama,” Elizabeth said in a small voice as she stared into her mother’s eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too, my darling.”
“Elizabeth! Where are you?” Alexander’s voice rang out into the night. “Elspeth needs us - I think her time is coming.”
They both looked towards the front door from where Alexander was shouting’ luckily he did not notice them in the shadows of the front oak tree. Lenore sighed and hugged Elizabeth tightly again as Alexander went back inside. “I should go. Take care of your cousin and siblings and children,” she said with a tight smile.
“Do you…do you have to leave? What if I explained everything to Alex and Dawn?” Elizabeth suddenly looked as young as she had when Lenore had left and it broke her heart.
“No, my darling,” Lenore shook her head. “It will be better if I am away. I bring danger with me - I do not want to bring it upon your families.”
“But-”
Lenore laid her finger over her daughter’s lips. “I love you.” Then Lenore fled into the night and forced herself not to look back. She couldn’t look back. Because if she did she would have seen her entire family and maybe would be selfish enough to make the decision to stay…but Lenore realized that living with her mortal family and watching them die one by one would be worse than never seeing them again.
Much worse.
A/N:
Please review! I’m not going to lie, I’ve had a rough day and could use some positive feedback. Er, unless you hate this chapter...I don’t want you to lie, lol.
Regardless, reviews are always good :) Thanks for reading!
References
*Kali Puja is a festival to celebrate Kali. Originates in Bengal and Calcutta is currently in the Indian state of West Bengal, formerly Bengal before India took it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kali_Puja
*Demon that Kali killed, the one she’s famous for: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raktabija
*The brothers of Raktabija: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sumbha_and_Nisumbha