Comments | lucretiasheart: Break-Up Emails w/ Robin, Final

lucretiasheart

Break-Up Emails w/ Robin, Final

Sep 05, 2021 14:09

After I tried to be reasonable, she finalized a break up, then I got mad and then she told me off-- I got REALLY angry and wrote the following:

You started acting weird towards me and we had our first fight in over 30 years after disagreeing over politics when I first moved to Bellevue and Trump got elected. I wanted nothing to do with the ( Read more... )

oh fuck, past

Comments 7

hazelwindows September 16 2021, 02:30:15 UTC

I'd be shocked if I were you too.... you found a person so screwed up, so abused, so backward, that you would think having the heart and caring of someone like you would be seen as a BLESSING and a GIFT. That's probably the real issue, deep down she knows you deserve better and so she suspects you of catching onto that over the years, as she invents explanations that more cynically explain your interest in her.

It was also so strange in those earlier messages when she was replying repeatedly how you have other friends now, and so she knows she can end the friendship bc you have other people to lean on.... like she was giving YOU pity friendship. I think that is outright displacement. She must sense that she is pitiful, and so she gets jealous, paranoid, and in the end, wants to be with people "on her level"-- which is far beneath you, friend.

lucretiasheart September 16 2021, 21:03:13 UTC

Absolutely true!

I see the same. She's been hearing how after my divorce, I changed my life around completely for the better. And not alone. I have all this social support from so many! And I am able to find more friends and more support if I want to.

She's so tangled up in negative relationships she has no time to develop better ones.

Another issue is CLEARLY jealousy. She knows I'm surrounded by people who love me and act like it. I have other friends. She doesn't. She's not my only friend like I'm her only friend. That has got to feel scary. Like-- why the fuck am I friends with someone as fucked up as her?

And I've already told her. Love doesn't go away just because life changes. She's like my sister. We were friends who were both deeply invested in each other since age 8. That childhood connection, and the fucked up history we share having addict parents is like being war buddies. That bond doesn't break easily.

hazelwindows September 16 2021, 23:31:20 UTC

She sounds like she holds a place in your life like this guy Adam I used to be best friends with. I haven't spoken to him in at least 6 years now, nor can I with how he left things on his side of the fence, but I still love him dearly in my heart. We were friends for 20+ years before the rift that senselessly ended our friendship, apparently due to my not being a pot smoker.

hazelwindows September 16 2021, 17:58:15 UTC

Another thought occurs to me and that is, while it's admirable to aim to not lose a friendship over 'politics', when the politics include disrespecting anyone who doesn't agree with the other side, it does not seem possible to me ( ... )

lucretiasheart September 16 2021, 21:17:21 UTC

Thank you for your input. I appreciate the sanity check!

I have decided to begin a dialog with her via phone, to go over all these issues. I don't trust her anymore, and she clearly doesn't trust me. So why try again?

I'll let her explain. I will explain myself as well.

I honestly think we'll have a more civilized break-up conversation. I don't know that her pride will allow her to admit to wrongs, or apologize, or agree to new rules. So I don't think there's much to be done here.

My friend backing fascists is not something I can just pretend doesn't exist. But there's more going on here. She's changed. A LOT of people have fallen for the hard right propaganda.

Anyone else would have been written off permanently. And she still may be...

But before we call it quits, I have more to say, because I'm not done quite yet.

hazelwindows September 16 2021, 23:36:58 UTC

You are very welcome.

You, as usual, sound like the height of reasonableness and generosity. I'm not surprised you are handling things this way. I also believe I know you well enough to know you would not let someone just walk all over you for nothing.

It may be very healing for you guys to talk it out. It may wind up putting you into a bit of a dilemma though if her wall comes crashing down and she admits she wants to still be close with you, "but..."

I don't envy your predicament, but I know you will figure out the best way possible to handle this.

(Just, the part about how she is used to breaking it off with people and then coming back around as a form of venting-- that needs to go-- bc you weren't playing even if she *was*, so you stand to get hurt far more by this behavior than she ever will. And just no.)

lucretiasheart September 17 2021, 00:13:10 UTC

*nods nods*

To be clear, she's NEVER done this to me before. Not in 42 years!! She pulled that shit with everyone else in her life (when really she should have just laid down rules herself or walked away) but it was different with me... until Spring/Summer 2020.

The only reason I'm even giving her another chance is because she DID hold our friendship as sacred for the vast majority of our time together. She didn't give me shit EVER with the few exceptions mentioned in this email chain after Trump was elected. And those odd politically pressured discussions were an anomaly that frustrated me. I was too chickenshit to confront her about them earlier, and that was a mistake.