when i finally find peace, i'm going to read through this journal and realize how much of a worthless fuck i used to be and laugh...laugh that i struggled so much with things that should be so simple.

then ill realize that nothing is ever simple and there's a good reason i was always depressed and drinking alone in my room at 4 in the morning.

i stay losing forever.

this whole dating shit is never gonna happen. all the bitches i meet are stupid and sleazy and or worthless. realized how much of a faggot i was being with this whole wanting to fall in love shit. i'm not going to meet the girls i want to meet let alone date the girls that aren't pieces of shit. i'm destined for nasty shady broads. i guess i have ( Read more... )

so beautiful, it was a blast. too many things to talk about. i want to move up to san jose so i can be around these people all the time.

tired of coming home to nothing with nothing, this shit sucks.

is a woman. a woman to love me and take me seriously. to be my companion and to understand me.
why is it so hard? every girl that comes my way, i fail at it. nothing ever goes anywhere. and i'm stuck in limbo at all times. fucked up man.

who will absorb my pain? i better get used to this.

i actually shed tears. i don't know what to do. i don't know what else i can do. i am terribly sorry.

you don't know the pain i feel. only a womans voice can sooth such a terrible aching. sing to me, in your strongest voice. make me feel good.

i still have random portfolio work to do and get together. gotta get my site up and running properly. make even more finalized finishing touches.

anyway, fuck, i feel really weird. no more school. the world is supposed to be my oyster...i won't feel right until i have a job at least.

lets hang out. i don't care who you are. lets do it.

this is what happens when you realize there isn't anything else in your life that mattered to you besides decadence. this is also accepting that no matter how bad you want to feel a certain way, or have certain things you probably won't ever have them in your life because they are not meant for you ( Read more... )