My advice, fwiwnyarbaggytepApril 20 2015, 10:13:13 UTC
You're not helpless. There is a difference between something is happening that I don't like, and being helpless. Something is happening that you do not like, but this is Jack's process.
You have to trust it. Trust him. The more you try to make it not be what is happening the more it will happen.
He's really scared, let him be, and support him and give him options to try by all means and tell him about how you get scared too sometimes, and how you cope with it, and hold the boundaries of what things he has to do, and ask him what he needs in order to do them. And above all, let him be scared. It's ok not to be confident all the time. He's still Jack, and always will be.
Re: My advice, fwiwlsowersbyApril 20 2015, 12:33:03 UTC
But people keep telling me I have to keep him in some kind of routine, keep him going to school and doing the things he used to.
He has to go to school, but that is a constant battle. I can usually get him there, but getting him to stay is increasingly difficult and, while they're being really supportive, they are starting to raise concerns that the amount of time he is missing is impacting his confidence in his work. Sometimes I just want to keep him home with me, but that is probably just me being tired of it all.
I don't really cope with being scared. I just kind of stumble through it to the next thing, with a good deal of crying on the way.
I'm sorry - thank you. That does actually help a bit. I'm just so very tired
Re: My advice, fwiwnyarbaggytepApril 20 2015, 21:43:13 UTC
So you need some more support with it darling, it's ok to need it. It's hard for you - of course it is, and of course it's going to hit you hardest when you come up against something which is hard for him and also for you, and you are tired because you are working really hard at this.
Also, I'd bet that you don't give yourself credit for how well you do cope.
Enormous love and hugs to you, this sounds really tough.
Re: My advice, fwiwlsowersbyApril 21 2015, 11:20:53 UTC
Thank you.
I am struggling to find more support - I have started with Cruse, but they are clear that is about me and my grief, not supporting Jack (which I totally get and understand). He has not reached the top of the list yet, so I don't know how that will work - whether they will be able to give me any guidance to support him. I don't get a lot of feedback from the school in respect of the work the Learning Support Mentor is doing with him. There are loads of leaflets etc about how to help, but there isn't one that suggests what to do when all the advice in the others isn't working...
I think the bottom line is that I just have to keep plugging away and doing my best and hope that things get better. It is hard when it feels like they are getting worse and I genuinely wonder whether I will be able to find the resources to keep it up. I suppose I will have to.
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You have to trust it. Trust him. The more you try to make it not be what is happening the more it will happen.
He's really scared, let him be, and support him and give him options to try by all means and tell him about how you get scared too sometimes, and how you cope with it, and hold the boundaries of what things he has to do, and ask him what he needs in order to do them. And above all, let him be scared. It's ok not to be confident all the time. He's still Jack, and always will be.
Reply
He has to go to school, but that is a constant battle. I can usually get him there, but getting him to stay is increasingly difficult and, while they're being really supportive, they are starting to raise concerns that the amount of time he is missing is impacting his confidence in his work. Sometimes I just want to keep him home with me, but that is probably just me being tired of it all.
I don't really cope with being scared. I just kind of stumble through it to the next thing, with a good deal of crying on the way.
I'm sorry - thank you. That does actually help a bit. I'm just so very tired
Reply
Also, I'd bet that you don't give yourself credit for how well you do cope.
Enormous love and hugs to you, this sounds really tough.
Reply
I am struggling to find more support - I have started with Cruse, but they are clear that is about me and my grief, not supporting Jack (which I totally get and understand). He has not reached the top of the list yet, so I don't know how that will work - whether they will be able to give me any guidance to support him. I don't get a lot of feedback from the school in respect of the work the Learning Support Mentor is doing with him. There are loads of leaflets etc about how to help, but there isn't one that suggests what to do when all the advice in the others isn't working...
I think the bottom line is that I just have to keep plugging away and doing my best and hope that things get better. It is hard when it feels like they are getting worse and I genuinely wonder whether I will be able to find the resources to keep it up. I suppose I will have to.
Thanks again
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