Beauty and the Beast | Chapter 13/20
Beauty and the Beast
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: Jung Yunho - a gifted and successful actor. Kim Jaejoong - Yunho's biggest fan. After receiving the task to interview Yunho for his journalism assignment, Jaejoong realizes that his favourite actor just might transform him from a "fan" into something much more.
Rated: PG-13 ~ NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own the five members, I’m simply borrowing them.
Warning(s): NC-17 material, language
Genre: Romance/Comedy
Pairing(s): YunJae
Chapter 13: Assumptions
13.
Assumptions
Lobby, Bora Bora Lagoon Resort and Spa. 9:50 AM Bora Bora
I didn’t have a clue where my happiness went from that point on. Its overwhelming impact on me eventually faded away, causing my mind to feel weary and vacant. If there was any possibility that one sentence would have brought about such disgust, then who knows what a few sentences might have triggered? I desired to press the “off” button on my ears, preventing them from hearing any more.
Not only had worry taken over me; I felt that I had also been run over by severe humiliation. Changmin’s words informed me that he had known about every single detail, and if such an opprobrious thing were to be divulged in newspapers and magazines, the whole world would know, also.
I shook my head, trying to make a stable decision of my cluttered emotions. I had been in dilemma whether or not my love for the actor was a benefit or a curse. If it was to bring him such trouble, I’m sure my mind would’ve chosen the latter for its verdict.
What was I to do? I was only Kim Jaejoong, nothing more; insignificant. I wasn’t wealthy, nor was I extremely talented. My undemanding life was fuelled by my admiration for the actor, lacking much in self esteem. In the end, I had no power to end the confusion my rash actions had started, and that frightened me-right to the core.
My voice quivered as I spoke once again into the phone. “Changmin…” I murmured, frightened to raise the volume of my voice. “I-I’m so sorry, Changmin. It was my fault for making such a disgusting scene.” I apologized, the tone in my voice unstable. “If there is any money to pay, I will be sure to fund it.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Jaejoong.” The manager replied, forgiving me for my abominable deeds. “I’ve already informed Yunho’s company to disburse the money.” He clarified. “Besides, do you actually have that much money in your wallet currently? I didn’t think so.”
I shifted my vision to Yunho, who was currently biting his nails nervously, waiting for an assuring answer. Beside him stood Yoochun-also anxious as hell-wearing complete distress on his countenance.
How the hell was I supposed to replace their frowns with smiles once more? It would be an impossible task, especially after the chaos that appeared before us.
Speechless, I thanked Changmin, wondering why a generous and refined man like him would have to pay any money for my reckless mistakes.
I sighed. “I really appreciate it, Changmin.” I remarked candidly. “Is there anything I can do to thank you?”
He sighed languidly, washed over by fatigue. “You, Jaejoong, don’t have to do anything to repay me.” He elucidated. “It’s Yunho who has to pay the price for his accidents.”
I was dumbfounded. “But… the blame should be shared evenly among us-”
The manager scoffed in amusement. “It was Yunho’s motives of dragging you to Bora Bora, was it not?” He questioned peculiarly. “In the end, it was his sole responsibility for putting the both of you into danger.”
“But you got his note, Changmin. You know how much he needs this vacation. He’s human, after all!”
I was pleased to see a demure grin appear on Yunho’s visage as soon as I finished my sentence. “I-I… I can’t blame him for being who he is.”
Silence stretched between the two phone lines, sending a bitter chill up my spine. How was I supposed to transfer such news to Yunho’s ears? My aggravation had taken up quite a large division of me, who knows what harm it would inflict on Yunho?
I sighed, letting go of my stubbornness. “What does he need to do to repay the company?” I questioned, pausing momentarily to rephrase my sentence. “…what does he need to do to make up for all the money?”
“He needs to do what an actor does best: act.” The manager eventually responded. “Sony Film Studios expect him to work nonstop for another two years without pay.” He concluded. “The management suggested only that would provide the company with enough money to pay the magazine.”
I couldn’t believe it! Two years without salary? Yunho had already informed me about his deep hatred towards filming; about his burning desires to experience the normal life. If there was any truth in Changmin’s words, the actor would have no possibility of achieving his wishes-at least, not for another gruelling two years.
I wanted to scream in the highest volume possible, hoping everyone in the entire world would be able to hear the depth of my frustration.
“But Changmin, you can’t-”
“Give the phone to Yunho, please.” He commanded, refusing to listen to my continuous complaints. “I don’t want you to tell him the news; I want him to hear it from me, word for word.”
I had no power to make any objections as Changmin’s command rang loud and clear through the wireless telephone. My chest tightened in absolute fear as I presented the phone to the actor, my hand quivering in anxiety.
I felt as if I had handed over a fraction of my fear as the phone departed my fingers. The malediction that was to be passed on to Yunho was within the phone, waiting to horrify the actor as he heard the awful news.
I pivoted my foot, turning my body away from the actor hoping my vision wouldn’t be able to catch a glimpse of his reaction. His livid face was the last thing I wanted to see, and my body trembled, fearing that his smile would disappear forever.
Wishing that I was deaf, I furrowed my brows as the actor and his manager conversed through the phone. Yoochun stood beside me, a hand on my shoulder. I thanked the man silently within myself, fortunate that he was able to offer me reassurance during my weakest period.
I had no intention to hear what the actor spoke into the phone, but I was soon forced to as his voice rang loud and apparent through the lobby. I could feel Yunho’s love slowly slip away from my tight grasps, departing me permanently and refusing to return.
“They saw us what?”… “They took ten photos?” … “VX magazine?” … “How could they!”… “500,000?”
It was a terrifying experience, hearing the actor speak so haughtily into the phone. I thanked fate that I could not hear the full conversation; otherwise I would’ve fallen apart and shattered from head to toe.
The times, the memories-everything. Every single moment spent with my idol would vanish before my very eyes, making me realize just what all this was: an illusion.
Although I had regretted it, my ears were enforced to hear more of Yunho’s words. It wasn’t as if he was yelling at Changmin anymore, it almost felt as if his words were directed towards me. I hung my head, knowing that my fantasy would soon be wrecked apart by reality.
“Two years?” … “What do you mean without salary?” … “For your information, I’m not your puppet, Changmin!” … “B-but-” … “Acting for another two years? You’re insane!”
I didn’t realize how long it had been, but the actor’s conversation with his manager appeared to last forever. Every minute which passed by felt like years, and hours-like decades.
I was filled from head to toe with utter discomfiture and guilt. Yunho would not be able to forgive me after noticing the publicized truth. It was my presence in his life which brought about such a mistake. And now, it was also the curse which regulated him back into the misery of acting.
Holding my breath, I waited intolerantly, eager to see what was to become of the two of us once the conversation ended. I feared yet yearned for Yunho’s response, hoping it would hit me now instead of tantalizing me with the dawdling speed.
It wasn’t long until I received what I had asked for. The actor hung up the phone, slamming it down feverishly on the counter beside him. He didn’t carry a hint of emotion as he walked over to Yoochun and me. The angry expression I predicted would dominate his features was replaced by a soulless frown, telling me nothing about his reaction to the phone call.
I recognized that expression. It was the same face he carried as I first informed him of my assignment-the assignment which angered him to the roots.
A sensation more staggering than fear engulfed me, encasing my whole body in guilt.
And as I expected, the actor refused to look me in the eye as he slowly drew towards us. Although I was unable to see the direct emotion in his eyes, I noticed that his irises carried remorse, hatred, and a large portion of betrayal.
It angered me significantly to see such despicable things in his eyes; so much that I desired to lift his face in my hands, wiping off his frown and reinstating it with a smile.
His voice was masculine and deep as he spoke. “Changmin wants the two of us back in Seoul.” He remarked impassively. “Now.”
I nodded, still crestfallen that he was unable to bond his eyes with mine. My heart yearned for more time on the island, but I knew without a doubt my desperate longing would not be fulfilled.
I could only allow him to depart me as he left for the elevator. The heartbeat in my chest became distorted as the actor stepped into the elevator, heading up to his room. I stared after him in awe, wishing I had the power to rewind everything.
I let my back hunch as the actor walked away, leaving Yoochun and me alone in the empty hotel lobby. My strength had been completely drained from me, causing my body to shudder in fear.
The hotel manager was reluctant to follow in the actor’s footsteps, leaving the two of us alone in the tropical hotel lobby. I wished he would, though. Only then would I have the complete privacy to allow my tears to engulf me.
“Jaejoong…” He consoled, his voice shaking. “I’m so sorry for the hotel surveillance system… it just wasn’t able to follow the two of you to the beach.” He explained, apologizing for the simplest of mistakes. “I’m so sorry Jae… I really am.”
I sighed, holding back my stubborn tears. I offered Yoochun a weak smile, knowing that was all I could offer him.
“It’s not your fault Yoochun…” I finally spoke. “It never is.”
And like the bungee band breaking, the bond between the fan and his idol severed, depriving me of any protection or trust. I closed my eyes as I fell endlessly, knowing that no one would be able to catch me this time.
Bora Bora Lagoon Resort and Spa. 10:30 AM Bora Bora
I felt as if I was trapped inside an ad infinitum maze, searching endlessly for a way out of the overwhelming confusion. I had no direction to go, no one to turn to for help, and certainly nothing to hold onto. I was lost, feeling that I would never be able to find my way to nirvana ever again.
It was the same sensation-I understood it from the very beginning. During my first night in Paris, he had used the same exact tactic on me. The actor was afraid to stare me in the eye, fearing that he would offer me his inclusive trust if he did. It was a painful feeling; slow, but torturing.
As I pressed our floor number in the elevator, I wilfully decided to apologize to him like the last time; to talk it out rationally with the actor. My plan had seemed to work perfectly in the past, and I hoped that this time, it would prevail also.
My pulsating heartbeat eventually lost it original rhythm as the elevator leisurely elevated. It would be terrifying, having to apologize to the ferocious beast. The Yunho which stood behind the metal armour was long gone, and all sense of security went along with him.
I attempted to build up a bit of fortitude as the elevator reached our floor. I tried thinking positive-hoping that the actor would understand me; that he would forgive me. The thought of the actor thinking positively however, would probably deceive me, setting me up as a definite victim of pain.
As my footsteps took me where they desired, I tried holding myself back. I wanted to prevent myself as much as possible from experiencing the actor’s wrath, and yet, I was unable to stop myself from walking any closer to him.
I slid in my room key and opened the door, hoping to see a pleasant scene as I walked in. I discovered that the actor had already packed his entire luggage and was now staring out the large window pensively, letting the afternoon sun sink into his caramel tanned skin. I sighed, realizing how attractive the actor appeared this entire time There was nothing I desired more than to stay in this utopia with him; to love him like no other.
I walked over to Yunho, feeling a bit remorseful for my childish mistakes. Without hesitation, I strolled over to the actor’s backside, embracing his slim waist affectionately in my arms. I held him closely, feeling his every breath upon my skin and his every heartbeat echo throughout me.
How I wanted to stay this way-forever. I held onto the actor tighter, hoping everything would work out according to our requests.
“Stop.” Yunho resolutely threw my arms away from his waist, freeing himself from my tight embrace. I was taken back in shock, especially after he tore himself from me, acting as if he didn’t need an ounce of my concern at all.
“Yunho…” I sighed as he departed me once again, unable to look me in the eye.
The man scoffed as he rested himself in a nearby armchair. “I can’t believe myself…” He remarked. “For trusting you.”
My eyes widened as the acidity of his words rang about the room. I expected him to act differently, but instead, he was saying the same disgusting things I predicted he would say.
I felt a large portion of my built up courage disappear, taking my dignity along with it. I stood in the room with Yunho as an enemy; and my heart, along with my breath, wouldn’t have cared less if they both halted abruptly.
“Look Yunho…” I tried to move closer to the man, but he deliberately spurned my act of care, cleaving my heart painfully. “I’m so sorry… so sorry for everything! If I realized this would happen, I wouldn’t have made such a mistake.”
He snorted, ignorant of my remark. “Oh Reporter Kim Jaejoong-sshi, don’t play innocent!” Yunho interrupted. “From the beginning, it was all a plan to lure me in, wasn’t it?” He questioned, bitterness in his voice. “Don’t try to apologize to me, because we all know you work for VX magazine!”
I was dumbfounded. The actor actually thought I had purposely ensnared him in to take such a picture!
“I have to admit it, you disguised yourself quite well in the beginning.” He spoke. “You were first the innocent ‘reporter,’ sent here only because of a school assignment. And when the time came, you apologized to me for your motives, and even became a fan-boy to get a bit closer to me.” He sighed, hanging his head. “But now I’ve realized the truth. You did all these things-flattering me, trying to love me-only for one thing: money.”
I was terribly abased y the numerous incoherent messages Yunho intended to carry out. His accusation was invalid-one hundred percent false. I would never do such a thing, even if I was paid a million dollars!
“Yunho, listen to me. You’re wrong-“
He sneered, cutting off my explanation. “No Jaejoong, you’re wrong.” He denied. “If you think doing such a thing will provide you with such amusement, then you’re terribly wrong.”
Yunho’s behaviour was awarding him the title of a beast’s epitome. His temper was one I was disinclined to control, rendering me powerless yet provoked. These past weeks had bellied his inner beast entirely, allowing me to think it had disappeared completely. But it was still here, unconditionally haunting me once more.
I abhorred this abominable side of the actor, and my blood boiled throughout my body just seeing it emerge.
Would it hurt him that much to just listen to me? Would it kill him just to stop and hear what I had to say?
I had nothing to say; no, nothing, nothing but the truth. I had all the truth I needed to prove his accusations wrong. After all, wasn’t he all about the truth? He was the one who raged over my presence because of my original assignment. He was the one who despised the rumours-and without a doubt, he was the one who told me to stick to the truth.
I was tired-completely worn out-from his hot and cold persona. I finally understood why the two of us couldn’t continue our affection; it was not because he was an actor and I was his fan, but it was because of how our minds worked. I would always think differently from the actor, making the dilemmas between us unresolved. In the end, we can’t change who we are, even through love.
“I can’t believe you.” His voice lowered after a few moments of silence. “I can’t believe you brought your team of paparazzi all the way here because of money. You’re far more different than I imagined.” He declared. “And that Yoochun… I bet he’s working right under you!”
I had enough of his false theories. “Don’t blame Yoochun! He’s completely innocent! If he really was working under me, why would he have handed us the phone, huh?” I hollered. “Do you even know what you’re talking about? All this you’re saying about me dragging you into this mess… do you even have any proof for it?” My fists were clenched tightly in disturbance. “I’m telling the truth, Yunho, listen to me. I’m a student from Seoul University who was asked to come here on an assignment. I’m not some sneaky spy who’s working for tabloids! You have to trust me, Yunho!”
“Trust you? For goodness sake, Bora Bora is a private, unoccupied island! I was even surprised that a Korean man like Yoochun was here-I bet he works for you, without a doubt!” He chuckled in hilarity. “If you really are who you say you are, then how come a group of paparazzi followed us to an island in the middle of nowhere? We had departed Paris leaving no clues behind. Tell me, how is it that they could’ve captured pictures without some sort of help or direction?”
“Fuck, Yunho, I don’t know!” I cursed. “But I can tell you one thing. You’re an idiot for assuming such preposterous things! After all we’ve been through, you still think I’m out to trick you?”
“Well, you’re pretty damn smart if you aren’t.” He objected. “What a coincidence that the paparazzi captured a picture of us right when we were kissing, right when we were starting to fall in love!” He snorted sardonically. “Tell me that this is just a ‘coincidence.’”
“It is!” I announced, my throat sore from my excessive shouting. I had no idea where our conversation was going. And I had no intention to continue it-unless I was a masochist (which I probably was, for taking the chance to fall in love with him).
I rested on the mattress, feeling the burning sensation of tears behind my eyes. I wanted to tell my self that this was all a daydream, not reality.
“I really thought that I was in love with you.” He conceded a bit shamefully after a short pause. “No one had ever made me feel this way-ever. And I really intended to thank you for putting so much care into me.”
I was speechless. Where was he going with his confessions?
“But after seeing what you’ve done, I can’t bear to garner a single ounce of love for you.” He denied, sending daggers directly into my heart. “I-I… I really can’t stand to trust anyone after this.”
My heart was screaming out in pain, tremendously injured from his injurious words. What was I to do? If I desired to offer him comfort, I would no doubt end up in failure. Every word I had spoken, he had refused to listen to. What was I obliged to do, after such a massive mistake?
He sat up from the armchair, preparing to leave the room. “Pack your luggage, we’re leaving for Seoul tomorrow. Changmin needs to resolve some things with us.” He clarified, his resentment tempered. “When we arrive back in Seoul and we go our separate ways, I never want to come in any contact with you ever again.”
He left the large suite, slamming the door behind him. His aesthetic image blinded me as he walked away, his actions filled with masculine charisma.
Was I really to depart this man? If so, how? How do I bear to live on, having made such a tremendous mistake?
I sighed in utter dismay as I was left alone, once again. The actor’s accusation had every potential to be true, especially after his livid harangue. I felt worthless having the actor believe such a thing. The exuberance of my shame had nearly killed me, overflowing my mind with guilt.
With his exacerbated words poking at my nerves, I paced about the room trying to determine what I would do next. Yunho’s fastidious temper irritated me immensely, bringing hot tears to engulf my face.
I let myself drown within my tears, hoping no one would be able to see me at my weakest.
Without much to do, I began packing, throwing every memory and every souvenir purchased on the island into the black suitcase. Every emotion which was being tossed within the small suitcase felt as if it was being tossed into hell. And every hint of malice seemed to rise up from it, frightening me deeply.
I rapidly recognized Yunho’s autographed photo as I dug through my luggage. I held the picture within my shaking hands, allowing my eyes to fully scrutinize over his features.
I didn’t know what to do with the photo. One part of me desired to rip it apart into shreds, never wanting to come across it ever again. Another part wanted to embrace it tightly, letting the photo rest close to my heart, allowing it maximum comfort.
What was I to do?
Oh, who cares about Jaejoong, what am I to do? The resentment from you guys… it’s terrifying, I’ll tell you that much!
But I promise, this is all for a good cause. There are still a lot of unsolved ‘grey spots’ between Yunho and Jaejoong, and I guarantee that this conflict will resolve most of them.
So, don’t hate me just yet, okay?
Care to post a comment and yell at me? Feel free to do so. Just don’t take your anger out on family members/friends, alright?
~Cindy
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
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