Beauty and the Beast | Chapter 14/20: love

love_cassiopeia

Beauty and the Beast | Chapter 14/20

May 02, 2009 12:31

Beauty and the Beast
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: Jung Yunho - a gifted and successful actor. Kim Jaejoong - Yunho's biggest fan. After receiving the task to interview Yunho for his journalism assignment, Jaejoong realizes that his favourite actor just might transform him from a "fan" into something much more.
Rated: PG-13 ~ NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own the five members, I’m simply borrowing them.
Warning(s): NC-17 material, language
Genre: Romance/Comedy
Pairing(s): YunJae
Chapter 14: Unwanted

14.

Moral

7:40 AM Bora Bora

The rage which lingered throughout me the previous day eventually dwindled as I stepped onto the plane to depart Bora Bora. I wasn’t exceptionally disappointed to be departing the island. It was a relief, considering I would never have to deal with the capricious life of living with my idol once more. In Seoul, I would return to my ordinary life, my natural environment, and my usual dilemmas. Nothing out of the ordinary would appear before me, wrecking havoc in my customary existence

But would my days be the same? Would I forever be scarred by my inattentive mistakes, or would I just leave them behind me, causing them to fade away? It was difficult to make a decision, especially because both choices sounded equally awful.

Fortunately, I was able to dig up a hint of sanity within me: I wasn’t agitated anymore. I couldn’t blame the actor for generating such assumptions. I let him be, hoping he would eventually discover the truth within my actions.

One emotion I did feel was utter penitence. I sympathized for the actor, completely disenchanted that he would suffer due to my actions. I despised myself for causing the actor to work another two years-especially after he informed me of his deep agitation towards filming. What kind of a fool was I to drag him into this mess once again? I felt devious, taking away his only chances to finally familiarize himself with the ‘normal’ life.

I would, at all costs, exchange positions with him. I wanted him to taste the flavour of the life I lived, while I took his place of an illustrious actor.

But no, I was only Jaejoong. Jaejoong was good for nothing; he had no talent, no charisma, and certainly no talent to live off of.

What was I thinking? Did I honestly think that a fan like me would have any chance at all with an actor like Yunho? I felt ridiculous, ignoring such significant statutes of society.

I had clearly overlooked his every flaw. The love I harboured towards him had blinded me, rendering me unable to notice his any flaw-no, it made me treasure his flaws, to be completely honest. Not only did I feel absolutely fragile in his presence, but I felt enormously defeated as well. The assignment I had been offered had set me up for failure in the very beginning, and it was only now that I had the courage to finally realize it.

The two of us stepped onto our returning flight to Seoul, South Korea at eight-thirty in the morning. I couldn’t eat a morsel of what they offered me on the plane, too irritated by my mistakes to appreciate any form of delight. The actor was seated directly beside me, reading a magazine left in one of the back seat pockets. I had attempted to speak to him, but found the man too goaded to reply. It was almost as if he was lifeless, for I could not sense any hints of human existence within him.

I sighed, returning to my original activity of staring out the diminutive window. The island of Bora Bora was disappearing bit by bit before my very eyes, and I knew without a doubt that I would not have the strength to hold onto it any longer.

I never wanted to let go, I didn’t want to renounce the haven where he and I made love, shared our first kiss, and created our ultimate puzzle. It was inhumane.

Would I have any chance to return to this island? If so, how long would I have to wait?

I inclined my head close to the window, afraid to turn the other direction to face Yunho. This way, no one would perceive the misery I tried to veil or the remorse I held within my pupils.

Knowing that no one would be able see me, I let my tears fall, silently letting them plummet down onto the windowsill. I tried to keep my soft whimpers hidden, terrified that the actor would be able to overhear them.

I couldn’t understand why I would possibly allow my tears to appear on my face. Was it Yunho’s avert from my love, or was it simply embarrassment? Embarrassed that I, Kim Jaejoong, had finally been defeated in the fickle game of love?

The debacle made me apprehend just how pathetic a fan was compared to his idol. A fan will be nothing but a fan, and an idol will always be the stunning, loved, charismatic idol. That unfortunately, was how the world worked.

What was the most excruciating love in the world, I wonder? Would it be Romeo and Juliet-descendants from adversary families who recklessly gave away their lives for each other? Or would it be the little mermaid and her prince whom she rescued by giving up her existence and transforming into foam? Or, would it be the fan and the actor? No matter how much the fan wished, his love will always be left as unrequited.

Was it the beauty and the beast, I wonder? The beauty, which was in constant search of love, and the beast, which ignored all hints of love?

I couldn’t entirely comprehend the constant fairytales which were being retold in my corrupted mind. How would such things relate to our relationship? How could our story come close to becoming a fascinating fairytale?

It seemed more like horror story, told to children at night to warn them what and what not do in life. To question the way society worked was a terrible mistake, and our story would certainly provide evidence of that.

At least it had a moral. I was pleased at that, in the end.

Cautioning myself to stop crying, I began to remember our precious ride on the plane weeks ago. Yunho had slept the entire half of the flight, his head resting peacefully on my shoulder as serene music penetrated my ears. I had given that up now, and I gathered hatred for myself for taking such a precious event away from me.

I pulled the IPod out of my pocket, disentangling the headphones and asserting them into my ears. I let the fleeting melody conquer me, hoping it would be able to numb the pain which sailed about me.

But no, it wasn’t nearly as strong to accomplish such a difficult task. Nothing in the world would be able to heal this permanent pain which nailed itself stubbornly within me.

5:17 PM Seoul, South Korea

It was nearly dusk by the time our flight reached the skies of our familiar motherland. I was completely engulfed once more by Seoul’s eccentric nightlife, one which I was so utterly familiar to. Although it was an entirely different landscape from what I experienced during the previous month, I was relieved to return to my gracious homeland. Seoul was what reminded me of my heritage, my nature, and without a doubt, my position in society.

This was the place where I first fell in love with Yunho.

Or was it? I clearly treasured him deeply within my mind as I became a dedicated fan here. But when did I actually break through his armour? That had to take place in either Paris or Bora Bora.

Without saying our required goodbyes, the two of us left the airport and headed our separate ways. This wasn’t the last time we were going to see each other, and a part of me dreaded that awful fact. Changmin had originally planned to schedule a meeting with Yunho’s agency today, one which he encouraged that I would attend. Nonetheless, because the exhaustion we both held after our strenuous trip, he pushed the meeting aside to tomorrow, after both of us received a good night’s sleep.

Unlocking the door to my apartment, I was sombre to find the shared apartment completely empty. Unfortunately, Junsu had not yet returned from his trip to Taiwan, and I was astonishingly dissatisfied to have him and his inadequate jokes in absence.

I collapsed onto the sofa, staring into space, too idle to attempt anything. The apartment was chilly and quiet-too quiet to provide me with any hints of human life. There was nothing left here for me; no love, no warmth, and certainly no life.

How I wished Junsu was here to fill the empty voids in my heart. How I wished someone would bother to hear my complaints, offering their ears for my continuous grievance to contaminate. How I wished none of this would’ve happened, leaving me nothing to dread about.

My eyes were sore-either from crying or fatigued from the actor’s charisma which constantly kept my eyes open. I had opened my eyes too widely to examine him, to recognize his charm. It was about time that they’d rested and obtained themselves true comfort.

I lay on my mattress, closing my eyes gently. For the first time in my life, I was finally allowed to relax.

11:25 AM Seoul, South Korea

It nearly appeared that I had risen from death by the time I awoke the next morning. Brewing myself a cup of coffee and chewing down my breakfast, I built up all the strength I would need in order to make through Changmin’s meeting. I dressed myself accordingly, knowing that the illustrious entertainment industry would not tolerate any hints of my slipshod behaviour.

I took the early local bus to the location Changmin informed me of. To my surprise, I had never been to this division of town (and I never imagined that I would, either). Suave men in business suits strolled across the square while women with Prada purses and expensive jewellery entranced into lofty skyscrapers. I felt lost, being the unsophisticated college student in an atmosphere filled with wealthy eminent millionaires.

Trying to find the location of Changmin’s headquarters, I scanned across the colossal skyscrapers one by one until I came across a building with the words Sony Film Studios Korea engraved upon it. Dumbfounded, I realized that it was the tallest building in the district, informing me that it was also the most daunting.

Millions of eyes instantaneously scrutinized me as soon as I entered the luxurious building. I understood completely what they were thinking as I sailed passed them: Why is a lowlife college student like him doing here? Does he even know where he is, or is he just lost?

As time cruised by, I eventually learned to ignore their unwelcoming glares. I headed immediately to the secretary-who couldn’t possibly care who I was and what I was doing here. He wore a lavish suit and an expensive Rolex watch, ones which I would never even dream of purchasing.

I rolled my eyes at his extreme outfit. “I’m here to see Shim Changmin.” I assertively stated, not allowing his unfriendly glares to conquer over my confidence.

“You must be Kim Jaejoong.” The man stated ignorantly. “Mr. Shim is on the fiftieth floor, the second room to your right.” He indicated, not bothering to give me a second look. He ransacked through his drawers and dug out a small rectangular card. “You’ll need this pass to go up to that floor.” He handed the card over to me, not bothering to say any more.”

I bowed in gratitude, thanking the elegantly dressed man for his precious time. He must’ve been pretty frustrated though, spending what-two minutes?-on a lowlife like me.

Taking his words into consideration, I headed up to the fiftieth floor, utterly frightened at the outlandish height of the building. It wasn’t a surprise to me though; the millionaires and impressive businessmen always worked on the highest floors.

That’s when it hit me. My low status in society and my fear of heights were parallel to each other. There was no way on earth that I would ever spend my days here, stranded on the fiftieth floor of the Sony Film Studios skyscraper.

Presenting my pass to the inhospitable security guards, I headed my way into Changmin’s lavish office. The opulent room stretched before me, sheltering over two familiar faces: Shim Changmin’s and the infamous Jung Yunho’s.

The actor’s expression immediately exacerbated as soon as I stepped into the spacious office. There was no doubt about it. After all, I was always going to be the ‘inquisitive reporter with no life’ to him, whether I liked it or not.

The two of them appeared to be within a heated conversation, for they had barely noticed my presence as I entered the office. I couldn’t find myself to realize who Yunho hated more: me, or his manager.

Despite his inner frustration, Changmin held a cordial face as he approached me. “It’s nice to see you again, Jaejoong-sshi.” He grinned, his countenance beaming with his attractive features. “Please have a seat.”

I bowed, thanking the man for his generosity. I did as he directed, and rested onto an armchair beside the haunting actor. Unlike the other times, I stubbornly refused to greet Yunho. I knew that I would be ignored by him if I attempted, so why endeavour such a foolish action?

There was no way of going anywhere with this intractable beast.

Changmin sat on the seat across from me, disregarding the actor’s wry expression. “Tell me the truth, Jaejoong.” He began. “Do you honestly work for VX Magazine?”

My mind was on the verge of exploding into millions of tiny fragments. So Yunho had notified Changmin of his suspicions. Typical of him. The manager appeared to believe the actor’s assumptions, leaving me completely livid. Yunho had no right to spread such ridiculous lies-rumours-about me. Wasn’t that what he despised? Rumours and assumptions?

I sighed, deciding to reveal the complete truth and the only truth. “With all due respect Changmin, I do not work for VX Magazine, and I never will.” I conceded, not an intimation of hesitation within my voice. “I had no intention of dragging Yunho into this horrid mess only to gain money for myself. I am only Kim Jaejoong, sent by my professor for assignment-related purposes. You received word from my professor before I arrived in Paris, did you not? Isn’t that enough evidence for you?”

The actor immediately let out a boorish chuckle as my sentence concluded. He taunted me in disbelief, completely unaware of the emotions he was stepping upon.

“I’m telling the truth!” I cried out, utterly enraged by the actor’s reaction. “Whether you believe it or not, I did the things that I did, and I’m not harbouring a single lie towards you or Changmin.”

“Oh please.” The actor spoke sardonically. “Anyone can have a false ‘professor’ call in, revealing nothing of their true identity.”

I grimaced in complete rage. “How can you not believe me, Yunho! I’ve fallen in love with you; you’ve fallen in love with me. Do you think love is that easy to capture? If I really was a VX Magazine reporter, I would’ve had trouble acting out the utmost care I showcased towards you!” I explained, my voice filled with rage. “Why don’t you have any trust in me? How hard is it for you to trust any human?”

He snorted incredulously. “First of all, the world is not about trust. Anyone has the power to deceive anyone, whether they appreciate it or not. This happens often especially in the entertainment industry. And you, ‘Liar Kim Jaejoong-sshi,’ are no exception.”

I was absolutely dumbfounded by the way he constructed his sentence. The ‘Actor Jung Yunho-sshi’ phrase-it was a phrase the two of us shared, to tease each other, to make each other laugh. Why had he desired to use such a phrase during such a miserable conversation?

“Second, I want to inform you that anyone has the ability to act.” The actor spoke once again, after a temporary pause. “If you want to act as if you’re in love with someone, then you’re free to do so. Take it from me, Jaejoong, it’s effortless to act to deceive someone.” He announced. “Even I, an actor, was deceived by your treachery.” He scoffed, glancing up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe myself for even wanting to fall in love with you.”

By the way we conversing, we had certainly forgotten about Changmin’s presence in the room. “You bastard! I can’t believe you’re accusing me of such things, especially after I confessed the truth.” I remarked. I had taken enough of his words, I didn’t need anymore.

“You’re the one who is a bastard!” He responded fierily “You just don’t want to be sued for blackmailing us, that’s why you’re defending yourself so protectively!”

“Then why don’t we bring this to court, huh?” I teased, knowing that I would obviously win the case. “Let’s get lawyers to prove the truth!”

“I’m an actor now, thanks to you.” He reiterated, rolling his eyes. “My career will be tainted if I ever went to court!”

I scoffed, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry at his words. “Now you care about your career?” I questioned, completely exasperated. “Weren’t you the one that wanted to sabotage your career in the beginning?”

“Yunho, Jaejoong, stop!” The manager dug up the fortitude to come between us, knowing that he would assist us with our dilemma. “The two of you, listen to me.” He commanded. “We’re not children, fighting over our flaws incoherently. We’re here to talk like men, to resolve this problem sensibly.” He sighed, rubbing his temples. “From now on, no more yelling.”

Yunho and I folded our arms tenaciously, ready to pounce on each other-not for sexual reasons-but for frustration purposes. I frowned at the thought that Yunho was the first to take away my virginity, and yet, he was the first man whom I garnered so much hate towards.

“Jaejoong, if you tell us the truth now, we will not sue you for your doings.” The manager stated, his voice tranquil. “However, if we find out that it was really your doing-and we have the power to dig up evidence-then we will not hesitate to send you to court.”

I realized where Changmin was getting at. “I did not do it.” I replied, complete honesty in my voice “I promise with all my heart that such a thing did not happen according to my plans.”

Taking a chance to believe me, Changmin wore a tender smile, trusting that I, Kim Jaejoong, was certainly not a liar after all. “I’m relieved.” The manager announced. “You really did not seem like the person who would do such a thing.”

Yunho chuckled at Changmin’s words, ignorantly rolling his eyes.

“We’re not finished.” Changmin stated as Yunho prepared to leave the office. “There is still some news I’d like to share with the both of you.”

The actor reluctantly sat down, forced into hearing Changmin’s momentous words.

“Because the magazine captured a picture of the two of you kissing, they will not hesitate to try to dig up more information on the two of you.” Changmin stated, his voice filled with gravity. “If they ever see the two of you together once more, I’m sure they will make up unnecessary rumours about you.”

I nodded, taking Changmin’s words into consideration. I had no idea that the real world would turn out to be so cruel. It was a complete man-eat-man world, revolved around money and status.

Changmin cleared his throat. “Because of this, the two of you cannot be seen together, not ever.” He stated, causing me to gape at his words. “We can’t bear to make the simplest of mistakes, not when Yunho’s career and the money of the company are on the line.”

I nodded, not knowing how devastating it would become if I were to separate from Yunho for all eternity. “How should we prevent such a thing from happening?” I asked. I knew how meddlesome the paparazzi were, and I had no intention to become their most precious victim.

“You and Yunho have to cut all connection with each other. There is to be no phone calls, no emails, and no secret ‘dates’ between the two of you.” The actor and I exchanged looks with each other. “You two are never to meet again after this, unless you want to paparazzi to continue hunting you down.” He clarified, making his point obvious. “As for you, Jaejoong. You are no longer able to live in Seoul. Starting by tomorrow, you’ll be moving to Japan for six months.”

I was taken back in shock. “What? Japan?”

The manager nodded. “I take it that you have studied a bit of Japanese in your courses, have you not? It was stated in your resume-if that really was your resume-before you came to Paris.” He asked, his glare piercing through me. “It’ll be quite convenient for you, am I right?”

Yunho and I were completely speechless, forced to listen to the manager’s bewildering words. “But… where will I live? How will I adjust?” I asked, my voice quivering with fear.

“I have a vacation home I occasionally go to in Tokyo.” The manager stated. I’m sure it will be more than enough space for you to settle down in.”

“But, what about my friends and my education in Seoul?” I asked, infuriated. “What about my life?”

“This is the sacrifice you’ll have to make.” Yunho cut in. “The company had to lose a share of money for our careless accidents, and you, Jaejoong, need to suffer the consequences as well.”

I glared at the actor, still debating whether or not he believed I was from VX Magazine or not. If I was truly sorry for creating such a horrid mess, then I would accept this consequence, like a man-not like a meddlesome fan-boy. However, the energy I built upon within myself slowly diminished, reminding me of the fact that I was to idle to suffer my entire trail of consequences.

I wanted to send myself to hell for causing so much trouble for the company, for bringing about such unwanted penalties to my life, and for causing Yunho to suffer his two years without salary. Kim Jaejoong was not a harmless fan anymore, he was deadly criminal.

“Jaejoong… Yunho is right.” Changmin agreed, causing his expression to turn dismal. “You’ll have to repay for your side of the mistake as well, I’m afraid.”

I hung my head, nodding respectfully to the actor and his manager. There were no objections I was allowed to make, not now, when I was blamed for everything I did do.

I was asked to transfer my entire life to Japan for six months, whether I was supportive of it or not. I didn’t have a choice. I was asked by Changmin, the man who paid a fortune for my mistakes.

And, as the actor departed his manager’s office, I was unconvinced of whether or not I would ever have the opportunity to see him ever again.

We had not yet said our proper goodbyes.

beauty and the beast