Today went ok at work.Worried about Lyndsay all day.Tried calling her a couple times.I didn't think she would want to talk but well I still had to try.I really wanna be there for her at the funeral.I always wonder whats going through people's minds when they play with guns.I guess I'll never know.Never liked guns.I'm so tired lately.All I wanna do ( Read more... )

Sometimes I get tired of being the mopey girl with the broken heart.That hides behind her drinking and drugs so no one sees me cry.Drunken ramblings.Someone once told me that was what I wrote in here.Yep pretty much.I sit here and ponder my life without the asshole that fucked me over.And I can't even imagine who will fill that place.If I didn't ( Read more... )

One day...One day,I'll forget all this.One day I'll let go of this.One day I'll smile again.I'm happy when I'm with my friends not thinking just numbing.I can't think of when I was happy.I can't think of days when I didn't have rage.The anger fuels me on though.Oh well on with the depression.Been through this shit before.Been through worse than ( Read more... )

Would I ever go back to my pagan beliefs?I have no clue.Deep inside I still feel it.But still I feel I disrespected the religion and myself when I gave it up for another person I'm no longer with.I can sense it in the leaves.How happy I used to be.Knowing nothing more than than the world around me.This si my own personal dilemma.Everyone I know is ( Read more... )

Sigh.Saddness fills me again.I can't show it.I can't go back to anything I once was.I just wanna start pucnhing.Why am I so angry?I just don't care anymore.There's no feeling in me anymore.No need feeling anymore.Just causes pain.I like wrapping myself up in my little protective sheild.You can't hurt me if you do you'll never see it.Am I just a ( Read more... )

Man this shit is harder than I tohught.It's been a week since I called Dustin.I don't want to whenever I think about him there's just this distaste for him.I know I'll be ok.I just gotta get over missing him.I can play that I'm this "don't give a fuck gothic chick" as Amelia refers to me for along time.Still I crash and burn everynow and then.This ( Read more... )

I am hopefully whole again.I do not feel the need to any longer call Dustin.Hopefully that was just what I needed to end all my love for him.I know I will forever love him.I just don't want to.It bothers me.I know I will be haunted by him for awhile let's just see if my ways of getting over him bring me success.I damn well hope so.Sigh.I hate ( Read more... )

I feel better it's been awhile since I've written in livejournel.I love this feeling.Sometimes I forget who I am.I love being me.I love everything about me.I fuck up alot but damn't who doesn't?

Here I am again writing drunken rants.Like that one guy said they sounded like.I miss Michael.I have no money till payday.I have money I just need to pay my car insurance.Went down to my grandma's today.Spent time talking to her.I feel so distant from everyone around me.I need to get everything in my life straight.Get off the drugs and alcohol ( Read more... )

Mabey I do have a problem.Mabey I just don't care right now.I keep thinking I shouldn't write about that in here but it's a journal,so fuck it.I could go on about how it doesn't matter what I turn out to be in life but I just don't care.I know I'm ok.That's all that matters.Care about me it just makes me love you more.But relize I'm fighting a ( Read more... )