Comments | lossefalme: To Have Another or Not to Have Another: the Second Child debate....

lossefalme

To Have Another or Not to Have Another: the Second Child debate....

Jun 13, 2012 21:29

So the hubby and I always planned to have two kids. A boy and a girl. We had the boy just as planned. Except I did not enjoy being pregnant at all and had terrible morning sickness. Mostly it's the being pregnant again thing that I dread the most, but on other days, when things aren't going right, I think about everything that having a second ( Read more... )

william james, question, life, children, help

Comments 8

sinvraal June 14 2012, 14:02:29 UTC

Obviously I can't comment on this from a mother's perspective, so I'll do so from the nerdy friend who reads too much perspective. I can't answer it for you, obviously, but there might be better ways of framing the question in your own mind!

It's been shown (yay real science!) that humans are staggeringly bad at predicting the effect of events on future happiness levels. Any assumption you make now for good or ill is very likely to prove incorrect. The fact is, we set our own happiness levels, not the events of our lives. As Shepard herself once said- you can't change how people will act, just how you respond. Ultimately, it's your response alone that determines how events affect your life in the long term ( ... )

lossefalme June 14 2012, 15:52:25 UTC

BRILLIANT ( ... )

banana_cave June 17 2012, 14:59:42 UTC

I am not a mommy, but it seems like you are over thinking this! If you don't have a kid on schedule - so what? What about adoption? There are multiple options. If you look at it as an "either/or" scenario you will drive yourself mad. You can look at it as "Do I want a second child? Is now the right time?" If you do want one, but not now, then delay the decision. Relax. Breathe. Enjoy.

lossefalme June 18 2012, 17:19:46 UTC

Hehe. We have considered adoption,, and while it would be nice to skip the whole unpleasantness of pregnancy, it is quite expensive. :P I don't think we could afford it even if we really wanted to go that route. I am by nature a scheduler, and not very spontaneous or impulsive. This has kept me from making many bad decisions throughout my life, as well as kept me debt free aside from the house and the car, but also does cause me some headaches, I'll admit. Because I want to plan everything. Even the kids. Lol ( ... )

(The comment has been removed)

lossefalme July 24 2012, 20:26:46 UTC

Well congrats ( ... )

luthien_amandil August 12 2012, 09:14:59 UTC

Maybe the other thing is if you spend a lot of time with friends and family who children William's age?

I come from a pretty big family, and I am very close to my siblings. They're my best friends, but you're right. That's rare. One of my friends is an only child, but spent a lot of time with her cousins when she was growing up, so I guess she has an extended family who she thinks of as a larger more cohesive family unit.

So perhaps that is the key. Knowing how to manage each situation. You have to work out how to manage the situation of having one child, to assuage your fears and know you've made the right decision.

Or you take the chance of having a second child and make that work the best it can. Either way, you will be happy. You know that, right? Things will work out :) All you can control in either situation is your own behaviour.

xx

lossefalme August 13 2012, 14:25:03 UTC

It's YOU... on LJ!!!! ^_^ Heheheh ( ... )

luthien_amandil August 13 2012, 22:30:22 UTC

I know! Me! On LJ! It's not like you're 'settling'... or like.. 'compromising' on this. You're going to be happy either way. I mean you have a lovely marriage, great family, and this cute little person who you get to spend your time with! Totally no wrong decision ( ... )