Forgive Me (3/15)
This story is fully complete, with 15 installments which will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Please mind the warnings for triggery bits.
Title: Forgive Me
Authors: deirdre_aithne and uniquepov (our collaborations can be found on our joint journal, lorca_aithne)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Harry/Neville, past Harry/other, and a blink-and-you-might-it-mention of Dramione
Summary: Years after the end of the war, Harry and Neville hit it off after a blind date. Harry is afraid to open up, but Neville is determined to explore the spark between them. Can they find happiness together, or will the spectre of Harry's hidden past destroy their fledgling romance?
Content: Slash (with activities as implied by the rating), BDSM, D/s, angst. Bottom!Harry, if you care about that sort of thing.
Warnings: *highlight to view -spoilers*
somewhat graphic descriptions of domestic and sexual abuse and stalking (not in the main pairing)
Word Count: ≈7000 this installment (≈78k complete)
Author's Notes: Thank you to the absolute team of folks who helped to beta and cheerlead for us as we wrote this! khasael, solas_divided, kinky_kneazle, talekayler, and especially catcachoo - every one of you gave us something immeasurably precious. Thank you!
Disclaimer: We solemnly swear that we are up to no good. However, we promise to return everyone, good as new, when we’re done playing with them. We own nothing that you recognize, and we do not profit from any of it.
You can begin at the beginning or continue on to the 3rd installment of
Chapter 4
Harry fidgeted as he sat across the table from Neville in the cozy dining room in Neville's flat. "Thank you for dinner, Neville," he said with a smile. "Everything was delicious."
"Glad you enjoyed it," Neville said, returning Harry's smile and watching him fidget curiously. "Is there something on your mind, though, Harry? You seem... anxious."
Harry took a deep breath and met Neville's gaze. "I've been thinking about what you said the other night."
"I see," Neville said quietly, reminding himself not to jump to any conclusions until he'd given Harry a chance to speak. Swallowing back the brief wave of nervousness that came over him, he nodded. "And what conclusions have you come to about it?"
Harry's gaze dropped down to the table. "I was thinking that I..." He cleared his throat nervously. "That I would... that I would like to know more."
Relaxing, Neville reached across the table for Harry's hand, smiling. "I'm sure I've got a few books you could borrow if you wanted. And you're more than welcome to ask me anything."
Harry tried to keep the disappointment off his face when Neville mentioned the books. Pushing the worst of his nervousness aside, he gave Neville's hand a gentle squeeze. "I was hoping I might get more of a ... practical demonstration," he breathed.
Neville's breath caught in his throat at Harry's words and he was speechless for a moment before he managed to compose himself again. "I'd like that, Harry, but..." Looking down at their hands, he began tracing small circles against the palm of Harry's hand with his thumb. "You have to be sure about this, Harry."
"Why?" Harry asked. "Why can't we just... see how things go? Take it slowly?"
"We can," Neville answered, his eyes searching Harry's face for any signs of doubt. "We can, Harry, it's just...I need to be sure you really want to try, before anything happens. I don't want this to scare you off."
Harry chewed on his lower lip before raising his eyes to meet Neville's again. "Neville... over the past few weeks, we've gotten... really close. I... I think it's clear I've fallen pretty hard for you." He blushed red at the admission, but continued, "It's a part of you; something you need. I want to try."
"I've fallen for you, too, you know," Neville told him, smiling as he gave Harry's hand another squeeze "And if you're sure about trying, then we will."
"You have?" Harry asked with a hopeful smile.
"Of course I have," Neville said, stroking the back of Harry's hand gently.
Harry's smiled broadened as he looked down at their joined hands. "Also… I have to be in control all the time. People still look to me for answers; it’s one of the reasons why the Prophet is still following me around. I can’t deny that the idea of giving up control to you has a certain appeal, and…I want to try. For you; for us." He looked up at Neville's face. "Tonight?"
"If that's what you want," Neville agreed with a small nod and smile.
"It is," Harry answered. "You're what I want, Nev."
"And you're what I want," Neville said, lifting Harry's hand up and leaning in enough to brush his lips against the backs of his knuckles. "But I think it's time we move, before I try to pull you into my arms from across the table."
Harry chuckled. "Let me take care of the washing up; it's the least I can do after that wonderful meal."
"As much as I appreciate the offer," Neville said as he sat back in his seat, his gaze focused intently on Harry's face, "I think the dishes can wait a while. Don't you?"
Harry's breath hitched and his cock gave an answering jump at the tone in Neville's voice, as well as the look on his face. "I - uhm - all right?"
The corner of his mouth twitching, Neville stood and pushed in his chair. He stepped around the table while waiting for Harry to do the same, reaching for the other man to pull him into his arms.
Harry stepped into Neville's arms with a grin. He looked up through his fringe at the taller man. "Well... now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?" he teased.
Wrapping one arm around Harry's waist to pull him flush to his chest, Neville reached the other up to thread his fingers through his hair. "I'd hate to ruin the surprise," Neville teased back, before leaning in to press their lips together.
Harry moaned into the kiss, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Neville's torso. "Mmhmm," he murmured as they broke apart.
"Would you prefer the sofa, or my bed?" Neville asked, brushing his lips along Harry's jaw. "I want you to choose."
Harry's breath hitched again. "The - the bed," he whispered.
Smiling against the curve of Harry's neck, Neville placed one last kiss there before pulling back and pressing another kiss against Harry's lips as he straightened fully. Using the arm around the other man's waist to hold him close, Neville led him towards the bedroom of his flat.
Harry kept one arm wrapped around Neville's waist as the taller man led him down the hall. He firmly clamped down on the butterflies in his stomach as Neville open the door to the bedroom and ushered him inside. Once there, Harry looked at Neville uncertainly. "What - what should I do?"
Guiding Harry towards the bed, Neville wrapped his arms around him again and leaned in, pressing their lips together and pulling the other man into his lap as he sat on the edge of his bed. "Is there anything you'd like to do?" he asked when he finally pulled away, his hands moving to grab Harry's arse lightly. "Anything you imagined trying when you thought about all this?"
Harry blushed and shook his head. "Neville, please, I - I want to know what you like."
Chuckling, Neville nuzzled Harry's neck. "This isn't all about what I want, Harry," he said, brushing his lips along the curve of the other man's throat. "It's as much about pleasing you, to me." As he reached Harry's shoulder, he tilted his head to the other side, leaving a slow trail of kisses back up toward Harry's jaw. "Although..."
Harry moaned as Neville nuzzled and kissed along his neck. He closed his eyes and brought his arms up to curl loosely around Neville's neck. "Al-although?" he asked breathlessly.
“Get on your knees for me, Harry," he ordered quietly, his lips beside Harry's ear. Giving Harry's arse a squeeze, Neville gently nipped at the sensitive spot behind the other man's ear.
Harry started in surprise and stared at Neville for a moment, hesitating, before nodding and slipping out of Neville's lap and onto his knees on the floor beside him. He looked up at Neville uncertainly. "Like this?"
Neville's breath caught in his throat as he looked down at Harry. "Yes," he answered at last, reaching one hand out to gently stroke Harry's cheek. Unable to help himself, he leaned down again, pressing his lips to Harry's somewhat roughly.
Harry moaned and shivered, his eyelids fluttering closed as Neville kissed him hard. "Mmm," he hummed into the kiss.
"Do you know what I want, Harry?" Neville asked when he finally broke away, his voice wavering slightly from his heavy breathing.
Harry looked up at him nervously, but as he thought about it, he realised that he was still in familiar territory. He reached tentatively for the fastenings on Neville's trousers. "This?" he asked, in what he hoped was a seductive murmur.
"Yes," Neville whispered, his fingers threading into Harry's hair. His eyes focused intently on Harry's face as the other man worked to open his trousers.
Harry unbuckled his belt and loosed the fastenings on his trousers. He leaned in and nuzzled the bulge that was revealed, before slipping his hand into the waistband of Neville’s pants and sliding the fabric gently down to free his erection. Looking up and keeping a careful eye on Neville’s reaction, he licked slowly along the underside of the shaft before taking the head into his mouth and sucking gently.
Neville groaned as Harry's lips closed around his cock, his eyes falling half-closed as he looked down at the other man. Resisting the urge to buck his hips upward, he tangled his fingers in Harry's hair in encouragement.
Harry relaxed and began to move, sliding his lips along the shaft as he rested his palms on Neville's thighs. He took as much of Neville's length as he could, relaxing his throat as he closed his eyes and lost himself in the sensations and the feeling of Neville's hand in his hair.
Bracing himself on his other arm, Neville leaned back, his hips rocking as Harry sucked him. His fingers in Harry's hair tightened and released a few times as he felt himself sliding into the other man's throat, and he moaned in appreciation. "Fuck, Harry..."
Harry hummed around Neville's length as the other man moaned, but he continued with the rhythm he'd set up, steady and smooth. One hand crept down to gently caress Neville's balls.
"Ooh..." Neville groaned, his hips bucking involuntarily. Looking down at Harry, he applied a bit of gentle pressure with the hand on the back of his head. "Faster," he murmured, struggling to slow his heavy breathing.
Harry sped up his movements obediently, his hand massaging Neville's balls and sliding along the base of the shaft. His other hand squeezed against Neville's thigh.
Neville rolled his hips upward in small circles, his breath coming in short, unsteady pants. Pressing his eyes closed tightly for a moment, he forced himself to take a slow, deep breath as he felt his balls tighten briefly. "Harry..."
Harry could tell Neville was close and sped up even more, pushing him toward the edge. His hand tightened around the base of the shaft teasingly before relaxing to simply hold him steady as he bobbed his head back and forth.
Neville's fingers tightened in Harry's hair, his head leaning back with a sharp inhalation as Harry's pace quickened. Bucking his hips upward again, a low groan rumbled in his throat as he lost himself to the sensations and came.
Harry swallowed as best he could, although his rhythm was thrown off by Neville tugging on his hair and bucking his hips at the same time. He regained his equilibrium and continued sucking as Neville came down from his climax.
Breathing hard, Neville relaxed his hold on Harry's hair after a long moment. His hand gently threaded through his hair again as he struggled to catch his breath, leaning heavily on the arm braced against the bed for support. "That was...amazing," he murmured.
Harry pulled himself away from Neville's softening cock with a wet pop. He rested his cheek on Neville's thigh and looked up at him, eyes shining. "It - yeah?" he asked tentatively.
Moving his hand to stroke Harry's cheek affectionately, Neville smiled down at him and nodded. "You're wonderful, Harry."
Harry blushed and nuzzled Neville's thigh.
"You look so good when you blush like that," Neville said softly, slipping his fingers beneath Harry's chin and lifting his face. Leaning down, he brushed their lips together and smiled. "Get back up on the bed."
Harry blushed deeper and placed a soft kiss to the inside of Neville's thigh before standing awkwardly to sit on the edge of the bed beside him.
Chuckling at Harry's blushing reaction, Neville placed his hand on Harry's thigh as he sat beside him. He leaned in toward him again, nuzzling the other man's neck. "Is there anything you don't want me to do, Harry?"
Harry's eyes widened and he tensed slightly. "I - I don't know. Like what?" he asked, a little fearfully.
Feeling Harry tense, Neville turned his face to place a light kiss against his cheek. "Would you be comfortable letting me bind your wrists?" he asked, pulling back to look into Harry's eyes. "You don't have to if you're not up for it, Harry," he assured, reaching up to stroke his cheek gently.
Harry nodded slowly and leaned in to kiss him before holding his wrists out, palms up, in a gesture of submission.
Neville smiled at Harry's willingness, stroking his cheek with his thumb a moment longer before standing. Opening the lowest drawer of the stand beside his bed, he withdrew a pair of new-looking leather cuffs, kicking the drawer closed as he straightened again. "Do you know what a panic snap is for, Harry?" he asked, sitting beside Harry again on the bed.
Harry shook his head, his eyes riveted on the leather cuffs in Neville's hands.
"If you don't feel comfortable in these," he started, lifting one of the cuffs so that Harry could see, Neville pointed at the snaps that were attached to the leather. "Or if I can't get them off fast enough for you, trigger this and the cuffs will come open." Neville demonstrated for him on the cuff in his hand, showing Harry where to press to release the snaps himself.
Harry reached a hand out to stroke the leather tentatively before testing the panic snap for himself. He gave a slow nod. "Al-alright," he paused. "Neville?"
"Yes?" Neville looked into Harry's eyes, ready to toss the cuffs aside if Harry changed his mind.
Harry looked curiously at Neville. "I - maybe this is a foolish question, but... I thought the point of bondage was that I couldn't get away?"
"That's...part of the appeal," Neville agreed, nodding slowly. "But safety comes first, Harry. There should always be a way to get free if you need to, I think. And," he added, glancing down at the cuffs with a smile. "There is a certain appeal to knowing that you can free yourself in an instant and knowing that you feel safe enough not to do so."
Harry considered that as his fingertips continued stroking over the leather. "So, I - even if I don't have my wand... I'm not really helpless," he said softly. He smiled at Neville. "Thank you for explaining it."
Leaning in, Neville pressed a kiss to the fringe of Harry's hair, smiling at him. "You're welcome," he murmured, glancing down at Harry's fingertips stroking the leather of the cuff. "Are you ready?"
Harry took a deep breath. "Yes," he said quietly, holding his wrists out again.
Neville took one of his offered hands, brushing his lips against Harry’s wrist before closing one of the cuffs around it, fitting it snugly, but not tightly, in place, before repeating the process with Harry's other wrist. He glanced up at Harry's face before connecting them, searching for any signs of doubt before he snapped them together.
Harry looked at Neville in surprise, swallowing hard, but a tiny shiver went through him at the sensation of being bound.
As he clasped the two cuffs together, Neville leaned in to press his lips to Harry's. "Are you all right?" he asked, squeezing one of Harry's hands.
Harry nodded slowly. "Yes," he whispered. "It's... I'm all right." His hand gave Neville's an answering squeeze.
"Remember, you can get out of them if you need to," Neville reminded, giving Harry a reassuring smile.
Harry nodded again. "I know. I... don't want to, though," he answered, a little shyly.
Slipping one hand behind Harry's head, Neville pulled him closer, claiming his lips in a hungry kiss, deepening it when Harry's lips parted beneath his. Neville laid his other hand on Harry's thigh, sliding it up slowly toward the bulge in Harry's trousers.
Harry leaned into the kiss, his joined hands coming to rest tentatively on Neville's thigh. He sighed in appreciation as Neville's hand moved upward.
Smiling against Harry's lips, Neville pulled away, trailing feather light kisses across the other man's jaw. Harry blinked in confusion as Neville pulled back, biting his lower lip uncertainly and searching Neville's face for clues on what he should do or say next.
"Harry," Neville said quietly, giving his thigh a gentle squeeze. "Lie down and put your arms over your head."
Harry scooted farther onto the bed and lay backward a bit awkwardly. He raised his arms to rest them on the bed above his head. "Like this?"
"Just like that," Neville answered in an approving tone, shifting his position to straddle Harry's waist. Leaning down, he nuzzled the other man's neck. "Do you remember what I told you that first night, Harry? About what I like to do?"
Harry's eyes were wide as he nodded breathlessly, his hips coming up to press against Neville briefly. "Y-yes..."
Chuckling against the curve of Harry's neck, Neville shifted his weight to slip his hand between them, placing it teasingly against the bulge in Harry's trousers. "Can you stay just like this and let me tease you?"
Harry groaned. "I - I don't know," he admitted, his hips pushing up against Neville's hand almost involuntarily.
"Try for me," Neville encouraged quietly, responding to Harry's movement by squeezing him lightly through the fabric.
"I will," Harry whispered, moaning as Neville’s hand continued to tease him.
Pleased with his answer, Neville straightened over him, continuing to rub Harry lightly through his trousers as his other hand opened the fastenings. Harry squirmed as his breathing sped up, his hips moving a bit as he tried to lie still as he'd been instructed.
Neville's fingers made quick work of opening Harry's trousers, moving from his position straddling the other man to settle between his legs. Leaning down, he brushed his lips over the newly exposed flesh of Harry's waist as he pulled the other man's trousers and pants down past his hips. Harry whimpered at the kiss, hissing as the fabric of his pants and trousers scraped over his erection.
Glancing upward along Harry's body, Neville curled his fingers around the base of Harry's cock, squeezing it lightly before slowly sliding along his length. Harry moaned, pushing up into Neville's hand.
Chuckling quietly, Neville brushed his lips against the head of Harry's cock, his tongue darting out to taste him before his lips wrapped around it, his hand squeezing at the base again.
Harry had lifted his head to look at Neville and now let it drop back against the mattress with a groan. "Fuck, Neville...."
"Something wrong, Harry?" Neville asked playfully, pulling his mouth away from Harry's cock when the other man moved. His hand slid along his shaft slowly, squeezing lightly toward the base and loosening his grasp until his fingers were barely brushing against the flesh as he approached the head.
"N-no," Harry stammered, raising his head to look down his body at the other man. His hips came up off the mattress again in a vain attempt to prolong contact.
"Hold still," Neville reminded him gently, lightening his touch further when Harry moved again. His eyes locked on Harry's as he leaned in, brushing his lips teasingly against the head of his cock again. "Hold still and I'll give you more."
Harry gave a strangled whimper but nodded, making a visible effort to relax his tense muscles and lie still. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be sorry," Neville soothed, placing his unoccupied hand against Harry's thigh. "I enjoy seeing you like this."
Harry blushed, closing his eyes. "You do?" he asked tentatively. "Why?"
"I think you know why, Harry," Neville murmured, brushing his lips teasingly along the length of Harry's shaft. "You're giving yourself over to me. Trusting me enough to do this with you..." His hand on Harry's thigh shifted upwards, and he pulled back to look up at Harry's face. "You look amazing like this, Harry."
Harry's brow furrowed slightly at Neville's words. He did trust Neville, but he didn't think he was amazing or special or any of the other things Neville'd been murmuring. All he said, though, was, "Of course I trust you, Neville..."
Noticing the slight furrowing of Harry's brow, Neville stroked his upper thigh gently. "You do look amazing, Harry," he whispered.
Harry blushed deeper, chewing on his lower lip as he shook his head. "I'm not," he whispered, almost too softly for Neville to hear.
"Harry," Neville said, his tone firm, although not sharp, as he withdrew from the other man, sitting up between his legs to look at him. "Look at me."
Harry looked at him with wide eyes, his body tensing as Neville pulled away from him. Though he tried very hard to hide it, the apprehension and fear in his eyes was unmistakable.
"Have I ever lied to you?" Neville asked him, softening his tone as he saw Harry tense. "Or given you reason to think I would?"
"No," Harry answered, shaking his head. "No, of course not."
"Then why do you doubt me when I say things like that?" Neville shifted to lie beside Harry on the bed, placing one of his hands against the other man's cheek and stroking it with his thumb.
Harry nuzzled into the touch. "I don't know," he admitted timidly. "I guess I just... can't see myself like that."
"You're perfect, Harry," Neville whispered, leaning in to brush their lips together. "How can I make you see that?"
Harry stared up into Neville's eyes, his mouth opening several times as though about to speak, and closing it again, silently, each time. "I don't know," he finally managed.
"Well, that won't stop me from trying," Neville told him, smiling before slipping his hand to the back of Harry's head and pulling him in for a kiss.
Harry moaned into the kiss as the tension left his body in a rush. He brought his joined arms over Neville's head to wrap around his neck.
Neville threaded his fingers through Harry's hair, tilting his face to deepen the kiss.
Harry pulled himself more tightly against Neville and gave a soft whimper as he broke off the kiss and laid his forehead against Neville's cheek.
Smiling, Neville continued to thread his fingers through Harry's hair. "You know, I could lay like this with you for hours," he said, his voice muffled as he buried his face against Harry's neck.
"All right." Harry's response was soft and low. "Anything you want, Neville. Please."
"Tell me what you want, Harry," Neville said, nuzzling Harry's neck.
Harry was silent for a long moment. His cheeks were flushed brightly as he whispered, "I want... I want to be yours."
Neville's breath caught in his throat and he pulled back enough to look into Harry's eyes. "In what way?" he asked uncertainly, feeling his heart race.
Harry lowered his eyes shyly. "In every way, Neville," he murmured.
"Harry," Neville breathed, grasping Harry's jaw and lifting his face to force him to meet his eyes. "Do you realize what you're saying here?"
Harry swallowed nervously. "I think so," he answered. "I told you I wanted to try."
"You did, but this..." Neville trailed off, his hand releasing Harry's jaw and moving downward, his fingers ghosting along the curve of his throat as he took a shuddering breath to calm himself. "This isn't something I expected when you said that."
"Please, Neville," Harry's voice was strained with worry. "Let me try to be what you want. Please?"
Neville's eyes focussed on Harry's intently. "You...Harry," he whispered, pulling the other man in for another kiss. "You're exactly what I want, " he said when he pulled away, pressing his forehead to Harry's. "With or without that..."
Harry closed his eyes and stilled at Neville's words, but then spoke, tentatively, as the other man trailed off. "But it's important to you. I read up on it a little..." he trailed off and kissed him. "Please. I want to try, Neville."
Neville inhaled slowly, hoping to calm the rapid beating of his heart at what Harry was telling him. Finally, he nodded in agreement.
"Yeah?" Harry asked timidly. "I'll try, Neville, really I will. I've... never done anything like that; you're going to have to show me a lot..." He trailed off and cuddled closer to him.
Wrapping his arm around Harry's waist, Neville pulled him flush against him. "What have you already learned?" he asked, stroking the small of Harry's back gently.
Harry hesitated. "Only a little," he admitted. "After you talked to me about it, I raided Hermione's library; she had a couple of books about it..."
Smiling, Neville tightened his arm around Harry's waist. "Go on," he encouraged.
Harry swallowed nervously. "Everything I read said that things are different in each relationship," he said. "But basically, I am promising to do what you tell me.”
"That's a place to start," Neville murmured, removing his arm from around Harry's waist and gently adjusting their position until he was straddling his waist again, pinning the other man to the bed.
Harry whimpered as Neville moved his cuffed hands from around his neck and placed them back above his head. "Tell me what you want," Harry asked. "With this... please tell me."
"There are a lot of things I would want, Harry," he started, leaning in to kiss and gently nip at Harry's neck. "Much of it depends on you, and what you want out of this as well. But for starters..." Neville trailed off as he marked a trail toward Harry's ear, his hand gliding along the other man's side. "I want to make you mine."
Harry moaned and tilted his head to give Neville better access. "But... what does that mean, to you?" he asked, a little more desperately. "I want to understand; there's so much I don't know..."
“It means giving me all of the control,” Neville murmured, the hand that had traced Harry's side slipping between them to stroke his thigh. “If I give you an order, I'd expect you to obey it, no matter where we are or what we're doing. And if there's something that you want,” he added, moving his hand toward Harry's groin, squeezing gently, “I'd expect you to ask my permission.” Neville punctuated his statement with a nip at the sensitive spot behind Harry's ear before kissing back along his jaw toward his lips. “This isn't just about sex for me, Harry,” he added, looking into the other man's eyes. “I want this all of the time.”
Harry's breath hitched. "All the time?" he whispered faintly. "I -" he hesitated and then went quiet for a moment. "What - what kind of orders?" he asked instead.
"Anything from lying still while I tease you, to dropping what you're doing just to sit with me so I can hold you." Neville looked into Harry's eyes as he spoke, searching for a sign that he was changing his mind.
Harry relaxed a little; those orders seemed easy enough. "You'd just want to hold me?" he asked.
Neville chuckled, brushing his lips to Harry's for a moment. "Did you think I'd no longer want that, Harry? When I love the feeling of you wrapped in my arms so much?"
Harry smiled sheepishly. "I guess I wasn't thinking of it like that."
"Things like that will never change, Harry," Neville assured quietly. "I promise you that."
Harry brought his hands from over his head and ran them gently along Neville's chest. "What about when we're out with other people? Or if I'm at work?"
"It would be much more subtle in public. Small things, mostly; fetching me a drink, or staying close to me if we're anyplace that's crowded. Things that other people wouldn't even notice." Neville leaned in to nuzzle Harry's neck, the hand on his thigh squeezing lightly again. "There would never be anything to interfere with work, but...I may tell you how to spend your downtime there, if you find yourself with some."
Harry considered everything Neville had said. So far, there was nothing too scary or, really, all that different than what had happened in his last relationship. The thought of his former lover brought him up short. "What if... what if something happens and I can't follow your orders?"
"That would...depend," Neville answered, choosing his answer carefully. "If it's that you honestly couldn't, it would never be fair to hold you accountable for things beyond your control. If you chose not to follow through, on the other hand, that would be different..."
Harry chewed his lower lip as he thought about that. "What ... what if I chose not to?"
Neville frowned against Harry's neck, mulling that question over. "We would have to talk about why, before anything else. I would want to understand why you chose to disobey me, before I decided how to approach correcting you for it."
Harry gave a soft sigh. "That sounds... fair," he said.
“You seem hesitant," Neville said quietly, nuzzling Harry's neck again.
Harry nuzzled Neville in return. "No...I just, well, I don't want to disappoint you."
"You'll do brilliantly, Harry," Neville reassured, pulling back enough to press his lips to Harry's. "I know you will."
Harry returned the kiss eagerly. "I'll try. I want to try."
"There's...something else that being mine would mean for you," Neville murmured, removing his hand from Harry's thigh and bringing it up to trace the column of his throat lightly. "Not...right away, but..."
Harry's breath hitched. One of Hermione's books had gone into collaring and claiming in great - if somewhat scary - detail. "A - a collar?" he whispered.
"Yes," Neville said, his eyes focussing on Harry's, in hopes of staving off the tantalizing image the idea placed in his mind. "You read about them?"
Harry nodded, eyes wide. "A little..."
"What do you know?" Neville asked, his gaze shifting to follow the path of his fingers as the continued to trace the curve of Harry's neck gently.
Harry swallowed. "I don't - I don't know. What I read said that that would mean I was your slave... that you would own me," he whispered. "I don't know ..."
"That's one interpretation," Neville said. "It's as much up to us to interpret as anything else in all of this, really. For me, it would be a physical statement that you're mine." Turning his attention back to Harry's face, Neville withdrew his hand from his neck to stroke his cheek affectionately. "If things developed into you becoming my slave, Harry, that would be a long time off. It would be more of a...training collar, if you prefer."
Harry looked at him in confusion. "A ...training?"
Neville chuckled. "If you want to give this a try, do you expect everything to change for us overnight? It's a process."
Harry let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. "Right. Brilliant. Process."
"Are you still...all right with this?" Neville asked.
Harry cleared his throat. "I - I won't lie to you, Neville, it's a little overwhelming. But it doesn't change my mind."
"Merlin, what did I do to deserve you?" Neville whispered, leaning in to nuzzle Harry's neck.
Harry sighed. "Must have been pretty bad," he teased.
Neville chuckled again. "Whatever it was, I'd do it again, if it means having you here with me. So perfect," he whispered, trailing his hand over Harry's chest slowly.
Harry blushed. "Ohh...” he leaned in to nuzzle Neville's neck. “You’ll let me try?"
"Oh yes," Neville murmured against Harry's neck, kissing a slow trail down toward his shoulder.
Harry let out another slow breath and smiled shyly. "All right then."
Neville returned the smile as he reached for Harry's hands against his chest, moving them gently to pin them above the other man's head again.
Harry's breath hitched. "Sorry..."
"You've done nothing wrong," Neville assured quietly. "Now, I have a bit of a...challenge for you," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement. “Are you ready?”
"A challenge?" Harry's voice rose an octave before he cleared his throat. "Um. Yes?"
Neville released his hold on Harry's hands to stroke his cheek. "I want you to hold this position unless I tell you otherwise, understood? If you move, I'll stop until you can be still again."
Harry nodded, eyes wide. "All right."
"And," Neville added, smirking as he ducked his head to bring his lips beside Harry's ear, "you're not to come without asking permission, first."
Harry let out a ragged moan. "I - uhm - fuck, Neville. I'll try..." His cheeks blushed bright red as he agreed.
"Good boy," Neville whispered approvingly against Harry's ear. Slipping his hand between them, he placed it against the other man's thigh, squeezing gently as he turned his face in toward his neck, kissing and nipping his way down slowly toward his shoulder.
Harry shivered at that, tilting his neck slightly to allow Neville better access, but remaining still otherwise.
"That does count as moving, Harry," Neville reprimanded gently, stilling his hand on Harry's thigh.
Harry bit his lip. "I - I'm sorry, Neville," he whispered.
"It's all right," Neville reassured, nuzzling Harry's neck. Sliding his hand up further on Harry's thigh, he resumed kissing his way toward Harry's shoulder, slowly slipping himself down along the other man's body to settle between his legs again.
Harry held very still, practically holding his breath.
Neville settled himself comfortably between his legs, pulling Harry’s trousers down out of his way before leaning over the other man, following the sparse trail of hair beneath his navel with his lips.
Harry whimpered, his muscles trembling beneath Neville.
Glancing up along Harry's body to focus on his face, Neville wrapped his fingers around the base of Harry's cock, squeezing gently.
Harry let out a small gasp and bit down on his lower lip.
Smirking, Neville slowly began moving his hand along Harry's shaft. "Being still does not mean being silent, Harry," Neville teased, brushing his lips lightly against the head of his cock. "Let me hear you..."
Harry whimpered again. "Gods, Neville..." he moaned.
"That's better," Neville whispered before wrapping his lips around Harry's cock, his hand around the base squeezing again, as he slowly took Harry's length into his mouth.
"Oh, fuck..." Harry groaned, his hips bucking in spite of himself. He stilled immediately, trembling.
Pulling back, Neville teasingly trailed the pads of his fingers along Harry's length, keeping his touch light. "Tell me when you're ready to try that again..."
Harry took a few deep breaths. "I - I'm sorry, Neville," he gasped out.
"You don't need to apologise, Harry; you're trying. That's what matters to me." Neville continued trailing his fingers along Harry's shaft, waiting for him to seem calm enough to continue.
Harry nodded. "All right," he whispered. He resumed the position carefully.
Smiling, Neville tightened his hand around Harry’s cock again, stroking his length slowly. The other man moaned, but managed to remain still this time.
Pleased with his response, Neville brushed his lips against the head of Harry's cock again, his tongue darting briefly across the slit as he stroked him.
Harry gasped, whining softly. "Ohh..."
Neville wrapped his lips around the head when Harry managed to remain still, slowly taking him, inch by inch, into his mouth, his eyes focussed on Harry's face to watch his reaction.
Harry hissed and whimpered, visibly trembling with the effort of remaining still.
Humming in approval, Neville pulled back along Harry's shaft slowly, until only the head was between his lips as he sucked gently.
Harry cried out, squirming ever so slightly. "Ahh!"
"Much better," Neville murmured in an approving tone as he withdrew again. His hand resumed stroking Harry's length with a teasingly light touch as he watched the other man.
Harry sobbed. "Neville, please..."
"Please what, Harry?" Neville asked, nuzzling Harry's thigh.
Harry whimpered. "I don't know...!"
Neville nuzzled Harry’s thigh, his eyes locked on the other man's face as his hand continued moving slowly along the length of his cock. "It's all right, Harry; just tell me what you need."
Harry chewed on his lower lip. "I... want more..."
"Then hold still," Neville said, smiling against Harry's thigh as he gave the base of his cock a light squeeze.
Harry groaned. "I'm trying..."
"And you're making me proud, Harry." Brushing his lips upward along Harry's shaft, Neville circled the head briefly with his tongue. "You're doing well."
Harry strangled back a moan.
Wrapping his lips around Harry's cock again, Neville pulled his hand away to push his mouth down to the base in one quick motion, both of his hands massaging Harry's thighs as he did.
Harry cried out again, his hips coming off the mattress sharply. "Ahh! Neville!"
Groaning in approval, Neville swallowed, his throat flexing around the head of Harry's cock. His hands nudged the other man's legs further apart as he sucked.
Harry moaned and thrust upward again desperately, his legs spreading in response to Neville's urging. "Oh, gods... please, Neville..."
"Please what, Harry?" Neville asked as he finally withdrew, breathing somewhat heavily.
Harry groaned and whimpered as Neville pulled back. "More..."
Muttering a wandless lubrication charm, Neville pressed one of his fingers against Harry's entrance teasingly. "Not sure I heard you," he teased, looking up along Harry's body to meet his eyes. "What do you want?"
“Oh, Merlin, Neville... please... more..." Harry panted, breathing harshly and squirming underneath him.
Neville groaned as Harry squirmed, feeling his cock twitch at the sight of him. Leaning in to wrap his mouth around Harry's length again, he slowly pushed one finger into him, humming softly around his cock.
Harry could feel himself drawing closer. "Neville, please... I'm going to..." His hips lifted off the bed again.
With a hint of reluctance, Neville pulled back again, straightening as he worked his finger slowly in and out of Harry's arse. "I think you're forgetting something, Harry..."
Harry keened, his hips pumping helplessly. "Please, Neville, please..."
"Please what, Harry?" Neville asked, adding a second finger and curling them slightly. "Say it."
Harry keened even louder, his back arching upward as Neville's fingers brushed his prostate. "Please... I want to come...." he managed, cheeks burning.
"Fuck, yes," Neville hissed, working his fingers a little faster. "Come for me, Harry!" Wrapping his other hand around Harry's cock, Neville matched the pace of his stroking with that of his other hand, urging Harry closer.
Harry arched off the bed with a loud cry as Neville drove him to the edge and pushed him over ruthlessly. He came with a loud groan and a violent shudder, shooting streams of milky-white over Neville's hand and his own stomach.
"Good boy, Harry," Neville groaned, lightly stroking Harry's cock a few more times before releasing him and slowly withdrawing his fingers from his arse. Muttering a quiet cleaning spell, he shifted above Harry as the other man came down off his climax, slowly releasing the cuffs around his wrists and pressing a light kiss to each as he removed the bands of leather.
Harry trembled as Neville released him, immediately curling onto his side to cuddle closely to the other man. He buried his face in Neville's neck.
Neville wrapped his arms tightly around Harry, holding him close and stroking a hand along his back. "You did so well, Harry," he whispered, placing a kiss against his cheek. "Are you all right?
Harry nodded, clinging tightly to him, but there was a suspicious wetness beginning to dampen Neville's shoulder.
Swallowing the lump that rose in his throat, Neville tightened his arms around Harry. "Harry, what's wrong?" he asked, trying to sound calm despite his voice cracking.
Harry pulled back and gave his eyes an impatient swipe. "I'm all right, Neville. I'm just a little... overwhelmed."
Neville reached out to grasp Harry's hand, cupping his cheek with the other and wiping at his eyes for him. "I...I'm sorry, Harry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have asked for so much, to begin with."
Harry shook his head. "Please, no... I want to do it. It was just... intense," he whispered, eyes widening with concern. "Please, Neville… don't pull back from this, just because I'm an emotional git."
Neville’s moment of panic passed and he nodded, realizing he hadn't hurt Harry like he'd feared. "Lie back down and let me hold you," he said softly, stroking Harry's cheek.
Harry snuggled against the taller man, kissing his chest gently. He brought his hands up to drag Neville's shirt up slightly, running his fingers across the bared flesh.
Smiling, Neville buried his face in Harry's hair, stroking his back. "You made me proud, Harry," he murmured, placing a gentle kiss against the fringe of Harry's hair. "Very proud."
Harry blushed deeper, ducking his head. "I did?"
Slipping two fingers beneath Harry's chin, Neville tipped his face up to look at him, his smile widening. "Yes; you were wonderful."
Harry nuzzled Neville's neck in response. "I'm glad," he whispered shyly. "I ... I liked it. It was difficult, though..."
Neville slid his hand over Harry’s back soothingly. “What was difficult about it for you?”
"Staying so still..." Harry whispered. "Not being able to touch you. Knowing I was holding still only because you asked me... that I was choosing to obey and make myself helpless..."
“Were you really helpless, though?” Neville asked, pulling back enough to look into Harry’s eyes. “I know it might have felt like you were, but in a way, you had more control over things than I did, Harry.”
Harry looked at him curiously. "I ... don't understand?"
“As you said, you were only still because I asked, not because I forced you to be. You knew how to release yourself from the cuffs, as well, so if you’d wanted to be free, I couldn’t have stopped you.” Neville brought one hand up from around Harry’s waist to caress his cheek lightly. “I can tell you what I want from you, but you’re the one with the control over whether or not you obey.”
"I... I hadn't thought of it like that..." Harry said softly, nuzzling Neville's hand.
Neville smiled as Harry nuzzled his hand. “I can only have as much control as you allow me, Harry. You're the one who has to ultimately say whether something I want can happen or not.”
Harry snuggled closer, wrapping one arm around Neville's waist. "What about what I want?" he whispered teasingly.
Neville chuckled, moving his hand to thread through Harry's hair lightly. “Giving you what you want is already my top priority,” he promised.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Continue to Installment 4
Please comment - we'd love to hear your thoughts!
Please mind the warnings for triggery bits.
Title: Forgive Me
Authors: deirdre_aithne and uniquepov (our collaborations can be found on our joint journal, lorca_aithne)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Harry/Neville, past Harry/other, and a blink-and-you-might-it-mention of Dramione
Summary: Years after the end of the war, Harry and Neville hit it off after a blind date. Harry is afraid to open up, but Neville is determined to explore the spark between them. Can they find happiness together, or will the spectre of Harry's hidden past destroy their fledgling romance?
Content: Slash (with activities as implied by the rating), BDSM, D/s, angst. Bottom!Harry, if you care about that sort of thing.
Warnings: *highlight to view -spoilers*
somewhat graphic descriptions of domestic and sexual abuse and stalking (not in the main pairing)
Word Count: ≈7000 this installment (≈78k complete)
Author's Notes: Thank you to the absolute team of folks who helped to beta and cheerlead for us as we wrote this! khasael, solas_divided, kinky_kneazle, talekayler, and especially catcachoo - every one of you gave us something immeasurably precious. Thank you!
Disclaimer: We solemnly swear that we are up to no good. However, we promise to return everyone, good as new, when we’re done playing with them. We own nothing that you recognize, and we do not profit from any of it.
You can begin at the beginning or continue on to the 3rd installment of
Chapter 4
Harry fidgeted as he sat across the table from Neville in the cozy dining room in Neville's flat. "Thank you for dinner, Neville," he said with a smile. "Everything was delicious."
"Glad you enjoyed it," Neville said, returning Harry's smile and watching him fidget curiously. "Is there something on your mind, though, Harry? You seem... anxious."
Harry took a deep breath and met Neville's gaze. "I've been thinking about what you said the other night."
"I see," Neville said quietly, reminding himself not to jump to any conclusions until he'd given Harry a chance to speak. Swallowing back the brief wave of nervousness that came over him, he nodded. "And what conclusions have you come to about it?"
Harry's gaze dropped down to the table. "I was thinking that I..." He cleared his throat nervously. "That I would... that I would like to know more."
Relaxing, Neville reached across the table for Harry's hand, smiling. "I'm sure I've got a few books you could borrow if you wanted. And you're more than welcome to ask me anything."
Harry tried to keep the disappointment off his face when Neville mentioned the books. Pushing the worst of his nervousness aside, he gave Neville's hand a gentle squeeze. "I was hoping I might get more of a ... practical demonstration," he breathed.
Neville's breath caught in his throat at Harry's words and he was speechless for a moment before he managed to compose himself again. "I'd like that, Harry, but..." Looking down at their hands, he began tracing small circles against the palm of Harry's hand with his thumb. "You have to be sure about this, Harry."
"Why?" Harry asked. "Why can't we just... see how things go? Take it slowly?"
"We can," Neville answered, his eyes searching Harry's face for any signs of doubt. "We can, Harry, it's just...I need to be sure you really want to try, before anything happens. I don't want this to scare you off."
Harry chewed on his lower lip before raising his eyes to meet Neville's again. "Neville... over the past few weeks, we've gotten... really close. I... I think it's clear I've fallen pretty hard for you." He blushed red at the admission, but continued, "It's a part of you; something you need. I want to try."
"I've fallen for you, too, you know," Neville told him, smiling as he gave Harry's hand another squeeze "And if you're sure about trying, then we will."
"You have?" Harry asked with a hopeful smile.
"Of course I have," Neville said, stroking the back of Harry's hand gently.
Harry's smiled broadened as he looked down at their joined hands. "Also… I have to be in control all the time. People still look to me for answers; it’s one of the reasons why the Prophet is still following me around. I can’t deny that the idea of giving up control to you has a certain appeal, and…I want to try. For you; for us." He looked up at Neville's face. "Tonight?"
"If that's what you want," Neville agreed with a small nod and smile.
"It is," Harry answered. "You're what I want, Nev."
"And you're what I want," Neville said, lifting Harry's hand up and leaning in enough to brush his lips against the backs of his knuckles. "But I think it's time we move, before I try to pull you into my arms from across the table."
Harry chuckled. "Let me take care of the washing up; it's the least I can do after that wonderful meal."
"As much as I appreciate the offer," Neville said as he sat back in his seat, his gaze focused intently on Harry's face, "I think the dishes can wait a while. Don't you?"
Harry's breath hitched and his cock gave an answering jump at the tone in Neville's voice, as well as the look on his face. "I - uhm - all right?"
The corner of his mouth twitching, Neville stood and pushed in his chair. He stepped around the table while waiting for Harry to do the same, reaching for the other man to pull him into his arms.
Harry stepped into Neville's arms with a grin. He looked up through his fringe at the taller man. "Well... now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?" he teased.
Wrapping one arm around Harry's waist to pull him flush to his chest, Neville reached the other up to thread his fingers through his hair. "I'd hate to ruin the surprise," Neville teased back, before leaning in to press their lips together.
Harry moaned into the kiss, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Neville's torso. "Mmhmm," he murmured as they broke apart.
"Would you prefer the sofa, or my bed?" Neville asked, brushing his lips along Harry's jaw. "I want you to choose."
Harry's breath hitched again. "The - the bed," he whispered.
Smiling against the curve of Harry's neck, Neville placed one last kiss there before pulling back and pressing another kiss against Harry's lips as he straightened fully. Using the arm around the other man's waist to hold him close, Neville led him towards the bedroom of his flat.
Harry kept one arm wrapped around Neville's waist as the taller man led him down the hall. He firmly clamped down on the butterflies in his stomach as Neville open the door to the bedroom and ushered him inside. Once there, Harry looked at Neville uncertainly. "What - what should I do?"
Guiding Harry towards the bed, Neville wrapped his arms around him again and leaned in, pressing their lips together and pulling the other man into his lap as he sat on the edge of his bed. "Is there anything you'd like to do?" he asked when he finally pulled away, his hands moving to grab Harry's arse lightly. "Anything you imagined trying when you thought about all this?"
Harry blushed and shook his head. "Neville, please, I - I want to know what you like."
Chuckling, Neville nuzzled Harry's neck. "This isn't all about what I want, Harry," he said, brushing his lips along the curve of the other man's throat. "It's as much about pleasing you, to me." As he reached Harry's shoulder, he tilted his head to the other side, leaving a slow trail of kisses back up toward Harry's jaw. "Although..."
Harry moaned as Neville nuzzled and kissed along his neck. He closed his eyes and brought his arms up to curl loosely around Neville's neck. "Al-although?" he asked breathlessly.
“Get on your knees for me, Harry," he ordered quietly, his lips beside Harry's ear. Giving Harry's arse a squeeze, Neville gently nipped at the sensitive spot behind the other man's ear.
Harry started in surprise and stared at Neville for a moment, hesitating, before nodding and slipping out of Neville's lap and onto his knees on the floor beside him. He looked up at Neville uncertainly. "Like this?"
Neville's breath caught in his throat as he looked down at Harry. "Yes," he answered at last, reaching one hand out to gently stroke Harry's cheek. Unable to help himself, he leaned down again, pressing his lips to Harry's somewhat roughly.
Harry moaned and shivered, his eyelids fluttering closed as Neville kissed him hard. "Mmm," he hummed into the kiss.
"Do you know what I want, Harry?" Neville asked when he finally broke away, his voice wavering slightly from his heavy breathing.
Harry looked up at him nervously, but as he thought about it, he realised that he was still in familiar territory. He reached tentatively for the fastenings on Neville's trousers. "This?" he asked, in what he hoped was a seductive murmur.
"Yes," Neville whispered, his fingers threading into Harry's hair. His eyes focused intently on Harry's face as the other man worked to open his trousers.
Harry unbuckled his belt and loosed the fastenings on his trousers. He leaned in and nuzzled the bulge that was revealed, before slipping his hand into the waistband of Neville’s pants and sliding the fabric gently down to free his erection. Looking up and keeping a careful eye on Neville’s reaction, he licked slowly along the underside of the shaft before taking the head into his mouth and sucking gently.
Neville groaned as Harry's lips closed around his cock, his eyes falling half-closed as he looked down at the other man. Resisting the urge to buck his hips upward, he tangled his fingers in Harry's hair in encouragement.
Harry relaxed and began to move, sliding his lips along the shaft as he rested his palms on Neville's thighs. He took as much of Neville's length as he could, relaxing his throat as he closed his eyes and lost himself in the sensations and the feeling of Neville's hand in his hair.
Bracing himself on his other arm, Neville leaned back, his hips rocking as Harry sucked him. His fingers in Harry's hair tightened and released a few times as he felt himself sliding into the other man's throat, and he moaned in appreciation. "Fuck, Harry..."
Harry hummed around Neville's length as the other man moaned, but he continued with the rhythm he'd set up, steady and smooth. One hand crept down to gently caress Neville's balls.
"Ooh..." Neville groaned, his hips bucking involuntarily. Looking down at Harry, he applied a bit of gentle pressure with the hand on the back of his head. "Faster," he murmured, struggling to slow his heavy breathing.
Harry sped up his movements obediently, his hand massaging Neville's balls and sliding along the base of the shaft. His other hand squeezed against Neville's thigh.
Neville rolled his hips upward in small circles, his breath coming in short, unsteady pants. Pressing his eyes closed tightly for a moment, he forced himself to take a slow, deep breath as he felt his balls tighten briefly. "Harry..."
Harry could tell Neville was close and sped up even more, pushing him toward the edge. His hand tightened around the base of the shaft teasingly before relaxing to simply hold him steady as he bobbed his head back and forth.
Neville's fingers tightened in Harry's hair, his head leaning back with a sharp inhalation as Harry's pace quickened. Bucking his hips upward again, a low groan rumbled in his throat as he lost himself to the sensations and came.
Harry swallowed as best he could, although his rhythm was thrown off by Neville tugging on his hair and bucking his hips at the same time. He regained his equilibrium and continued sucking as Neville came down from his climax.
Breathing hard, Neville relaxed his hold on Harry's hair after a long moment. His hand gently threaded through his hair again as he struggled to catch his breath, leaning heavily on the arm braced against the bed for support. "That was...amazing," he murmured.
Harry pulled himself away from Neville's softening cock with a wet pop. He rested his cheek on Neville's thigh and looked up at him, eyes shining. "It - yeah?" he asked tentatively.
Moving his hand to stroke Harry's cheek affectionately, Neville smiled down at him and nodded. "You're wonderful, Harry."
Harry blushed and nuzzled Neville's thigh.
"You look so good when you blush like that," Neville said softly, slipping his fingers beneath Harry's chin and lifting his face. Leaning down, he brushed their lips together and smiled. "Get back up on the bed."
Harry blushed deeper and placed a soft kiss to the inside of Neville's thigh before standing awkwardly to sit on the edge of the bed beside him.
Chuckling at Harry's blushing reaction, Neville placed his hand on Harry's thigh as he sat beside him. He leaned in toward him again, nuzzling the other man's neck. "Is there anything you don't want me to do, Harry?"
Harry's eyes widened and he tensed slightly. "I - I don't know. Like what?" he asked, a little fearfully.
Feeling Harry tense, Neville turned his face to place a light kiss against his cheek. "Would you be comfortable letting me bind your wrists?" he asked, pulling back to look into Harry's eyes. "You don't have to if you're not up for it, Harry," he assured, reaching up to stroke his cheek gently.
Harry nodded slowly and leaned in to kiss him before holding his wrists out, palms up, in a gesture of submission.
Neville smiled at Harry's willingness, stroking his cheek with his thumb a moment longer before standing. Opening the lowest drawer of the stand beside his bed, he withdrew a pair of new-looking leather cuffs, kicking the drawer closed as he straightened again. "Do you know what a panic snap is for, Harry?" he asked, sitting beside Harry again on the bed.
Harry shook his head, his eyes riveted on the leather cuffs in Neville's hands.
"If you don't feel comfortable in these," he started, lifting one of the cuffs so that Harry could see, Neville pointed at the snaps that were attached to the leather. "Or if I can't get them off fast enough for you, trigger this and the cuffs will come open." Neville demonstrated for him on the cuff in his hand, showing Harry where to press to release the snaps himself.
Harry reached a hand out to stroke the leather tentatively before testing the panic snap for himself. He gave a slow nod. "Al-alright," he paused. "Neville?"
"Yes?" Neville looked into Harry's eyes, ready to toss the cuffs aside if Harry changed his mind.
Harry looked curiously at Neville. "I - maybe this is a foolish question, but... I thought the point of bondage was that I couldn't get away?"
"That's...part of the appeal," Neville agreed, nodding slowly. "But safety comes first, Harry. There should always be a way to get free if you need to, I think. And," he added, glancing down at the cuffs with a smile. "There is a certain appeal to knowing that you can free yourself in an instant and knowing that you feel safe enough not to do so."
Harry considered that as his fingertips continued stroking over the leather. "So, I - even if I don't have my wand... I'm not really helpless," he said softly. He smiled at Neville. "Thank you for explaining it."
Leaning in, Neville pressed a kiss to the fringe of Harry's hair, smiling at him. "You're welcome," he murmured, glancing down at Harry's fingertips stroking the leather of the cuff. "Are you ready?"
Harry took a deep breath. "Yes," he said quietly, holding his wrists out again.
Neville took one of his offered hands, brushing his lips against Harry’s wrist before closing one of the cuffs around it, fitting it snugly, but not tightly, in place, before repeating the process with Harry's other wrist. He glanced up at Harry's face before connecting them, searching for any signs of doubt before he snapped them together.
Harry looked at Neville in surprise, swallowing hard, but a tiny shiver went through him at the sensation of being bound.
As he clasped the two cuffs together, Neville leaned in to press his lips to Harry's. "Are you all right?" he asked, squeezing one of Harry's hands.
Harry nodded slowly. "Yes," he whispered. "It's... I'm all right." His hand gave Neville's an answering squeeze.
"Remember, you can get out of them if you need to," Neville reminded, giving Harry a reassuring smile.
Harry nodded again. "I know. I... don't want to, though," he answered, a little shyly.
Slipping one hand behind Harry's head, Neville pulled him closer, claiming his lips in a hungry kiss, deepening it when Harry's lips parted beneath his. Neville laid his other hand on Harry's thigh, sliding it up slowly toward the bulge in Harry's trousers.
Harry leaned into the kiss, his joined hands coming to rest tentatively on Neville's thigh. He sighed in appreciation as Neville's hand moved upward.
Smiling against Harry's lips, Neville pulled away, trailing feather light kisses across the other man's jaw. Harry blinked in confusion as Neville pulled back, biting his lower lip uncertainly and searching Neville's face for clues on what he should do or say next.
"Harry," Neville said quietly, giving his thigh a gentle squeeze. "Lie down and put your arms over your head."
Harry scooted farther onto the bed and lay backward a bit awkwardly. He raised his arms to rest them on the bed above his head. "Like this?"
"Just like that," Neville answered in an approving tone, shifting his position to straddle Harry's waist. Leaning down, he nuzzled the other man's neck. "Do you remember what I told you that first night, Harry? About what I like to do?"
Harry's eyes were wide as he nodded breathlessly, his hips coming up to press against Neville briefly. "Y-yes..."
Chuckling against the curve of Harry's neck, Neville shifted his weight to slip his hand between them, placing it teasingly against the bulge in Harry's trousers. "Can you stay just like this and let me tease you?"
Harry groaned. "I - I don't know," he admitted, his hips pushing up against Neville's hand almost involuntarily.
"Try for me," Neville encouraged quietly, responding to Harry's movement by squeezing him lightly through the fabric.
"I will," Harry whispered, moaning as Neville’s hand continued to tease him.
Pleased with his answer, Neville straightened over him, continuing to rub Harry lightly through his trousers as his other hand opened the fastenings. Harry squirmed as his breathing sped up, his hips moving a bit as he tried to lie still as he'd been instructed.
Neville's fingers made quick work of opening Harry's trousers, moving from his position straddling the other man to settle between his legs. Leaning down, he brushed his lips over the newly exposed flesh of Harry's waist as he pulled the other man's trousers and pants down past his hips. Harry whimpered at the kiss, hissing as the fabric of his pants and trousers scraped over his erection.
Glancing upward along Harry's body, Neville curled his fingers around the base of Harry's cock, squeezing it lightly before slowly sliding along his length. Harry moaned, pushing up into Neville's hand.
Chuckling quietly, Neville brushed his lips against the head of Harry's cock, his tongue darting out to taste him before his lips wrapped around it, his hand squeezing at the base again.
Harry had lifted his head to look at Neville and now let it drop back against the mattress with a groan. "Fuck, Neville...."
"Something wrong, Harry?" Neville asked playfully, pulling his mouth away from Harry's cock when the other man moved. His hand slid along his shaft slowly, squeezing lightly toward the base and loosening his grasp until his fingers were barely brushing against the flesh as he approached the head.
"N-no," Harry stammered, raising his head to look down his body at the other man. His hips came up off the mattress again in a vain attempt to prolong contact.
"Hold still," Neville reminded him gently, lightening his touch further when Harry moved again. His eyes locked on Harry's as he leaned in, brushing his lips teasingly against the head of his cock again. "Hold still and I'll give you more."
Harry gave a strangled whimper but nodded, making a visible effort to relax his tense muscles and lie still. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be sorry," Neville soothed, placing his unoccupied hand against Harry's thigh. "I enjoy seeing you like this."
Harry blushed, closing his eyes. "You do?" he asked tentatively. "Why?"
"I think you know why, Harry," Neville murmured, brushing his lips teasingly along the length of Harry's shaft. "You're giving yourself over to me. Trusting me enough to do this with you..." His hand on Harry's thigh shifted upwards, and he pulled back to look up at Harry's face. "You look amazing like this, Harry."
Harry's brow furrowed slightly at Neville's words. He did trust Neville, but he didn't think he was amazing or special or any of the other things Neville'd been murmuring. All he said, though, was, "Of course I trust you, Neville..."
Noticing the slight furrowing of Harry's brow, Neville stroked his upper thigh gently. "You do look amazing, Harry," he whispered.
Harry blushed deeper, chewing on his lower lip as he shook his head. "I'm not," he whispered, almost too softly for Neville to hear.
"Harry," Neville said, his tone firm, although not sharp, as he withdrew from the other man, sitting up between his legs to look at him. "Look at me."
Harry looked at him with wide eyes, his body tensing as Neville pulled away from him. Though he tried very hard to hide it, the apprehension and fear in his eyes was unmistakable.
"Have I ever lied to you?" Neville asked him, softening his tone as he saw Harry tense. "Or given you reason to think I would?"
"No," Harry answered, shaking his head. "No, of course not."
"Then why do you doubt me when I say things like that?" Neville shifted to lie beside Harry on the bed, placing one of his hands against the other man's cheek and stroking it with his thumb.
Harry nuzzled into the touch. "I don't know," he admitted timidly. "I guess I just... can't see myself like that."
"You're perfect, Harry," Neville whispered, leaning in to brush their lips together. "How can I make you see that?"
Harry stared up into Neville's eyes, his mouth opening several times as though about to speak, and closing it again, silently, each time. "I don't know," he finally managed.
"Well, that won't stop me from trying," Neville told him, smiling before slipping his hand to the back of Harry's head and pulling him in for a kiss.
Harry moaned into the kiss as the tension left his body in a rush. He brought his joined arms over Neville's head to wrap around his neck.
Neville threaded his fingers through Harry's hair, tilting his face to deepen the kiss.
Harry pulled himself more tightly against Neville and gave a soft whimper as he broke off the kiss and laid his forehead against Neville's cheek.
Smiling, Neville continued to thread his fingers through Harry's hair. "You know, I could lay like this with you for hours," he said, his voice muffled as he buried his face against Harry's neck.
"All right." Harry's response was soft and low. "Anything you want, Neville. Please."
"Tell me what you want, Harry," Neville said, nuzzling Harry's neck.
Harry was silent for a long moment. His cheeks were flushed brightly as he whispered, "I want... I want to be yours."
Neville's breath caught in his throat and he pulled back enough to look into Harry's eyes. "In what way?" he asked uncertainly, feeling his heart race.
Harry lowered his eyes shyly. "In every way, Neville," he murmured.
"Harry," Neville breathed, grasping Harry's jaw and lifting his face to force him to meet his eyes. "Do you realize what you're saying here?"
Harry swallowed nervously. "I think so," he answered. "I told you I wanted to try."
"You did, but this..." Neville trailed off, his hand releasing Harry's jaw and moving downward, his fingers ghosting along the curve of his throat as he took a shuddering breath to calm himself. "This isn't something I expected when you said that."
"Please, Neville," Harry's voice was strained with worry. "Let me try to be what you want. Please?"
Neville's eyes focussed on Harry's intently. "You...Harry," he whispered, pulling the other man in for another kiss. "You're exactly what I want, " he said when he pulled away, pressing his forehead to Harry's. "With or without that..."
Harry closed his eyes and stilled at Neville's words, but then spoke, tentatively, as the other man trailed off. "But it's important to you. I read up on it a little..." he trailed off and kissed him. "Please. I want to try, Neville."
Neville inhaled slowly, hoping to calm the rapid beating of his heart at what Harry was telling him. Finally, he nodded in agreement.
"Yeah?" Harry asked timidly. "I'll try, Neville, really I will. I've... never done anything like that; you're going to have to show me a lot..." He trailed off and cuddled closer to him.
Wrapping his arm around Harry's waist, Neville pulled him flush against him. "What have you already learned?" he asked, stroking the small of Harry's back gently.
Harry hesitated. "Only a little," he admitted. "After you talked to me about it, I raided Hermione's library; she had a couple of books about it..."
Smiling, Neville tightened his arm around Harry's waist. "Go on," he encouraged.
Harry swallowed nervously. "Everything I read said that things are different in each relationship," he said. "But basically, I am promising to do what you tell me.”
"That's a place to start," Neville murmured, removing his arm from around Harry's waist and gently adjusting their position until he was straddling his waist again, pinning the other man to the bed.
Harry whimpered as Neville moved his cuffed hands from around his neck and placed them back above his head. "Tell me what you want," Harry asked. "With this... please tell me."
"There are a lot of things I would want, Harry," he started, leaning in to kiss and gently nip at Harry's neck. "Much of it depends on you, and what you want out of this as well. But for starters..." Neville trailed off as he marked a trail toward Harry's ear, his hand gliding along the other man's side. "I want to make you mine."
Harry moaned and tilted his head to give Neville better access. "But... what does that mean, to you?" he asked, a little more desperately. "I want to understand; there's so much I don't know..."
“It means giving me all of the control,” Neville murmured, the hand that had traced Harry's side slipping between them to stroke his thigh. “If I give you an order, I'd expect you to obey it, no matter where we are or what we're doing. And if there's something that you want,” he added, moving his hand toward Harry's groin, squeezing gently, “I'd expect you to ask my permission.” Neville punctuated his statement with a nip at the sensitive spot behind Harry's ear before kissing back along his jaw toward his lips. “This isn't just about sex for me, Harry,” he added, looking into the other man's eyes. “I want this all of the time.”
Harry's breath hitched. "All the time?" he whispered faintly. "I -" he hesitated and then went quiet for a moment. "What - what kind of orders?" he asked instead.
"Anything from lying still while I tease you, to dropping what you're doing just to sit with me so I can hold you." Neville looked into Harry's eyes as he spoke, searching for a sign that he was changing his mind.
Harry relaxed a little; those orders seemed easy enough. "You'd just want to hold me?" he asked.
Neville chuckled, brushing his lips to Harry's for a moment. "Did you think I'd no longer want that, Harry? When I love the feeling of you wrapped in my arms so much?"
Harry smiled sheepishly. "I guess I wasn't thinking of it like that."
"Things like that will never change, Harry," Neville assured quietly. "I promise you that."
Harry brought his hands from over his head and ran them gently along Neville's chest. "What about when we're out with other people? Or if I'm at work?"
"It would be much more subtle in public. Small things, mostly; fetching me a drink, or staying close to me if we're anyplace that's crowded. Things that other people wouldn't even notice." Neville leaned in to nuzzle Harry's neck, the hand on his thigh squeezing lightly again. "There would never be anything to interfere with work, but...I may tell you how to spend your downtime there, if you find yourself with some."
Harry considered everything Neville had said. So far, there was nothing too scary or, really, all that different than what had happened in his last relationship. The thought of his former lover brought him up short. "What if... what if something happens and I can't follow your orders?"
"That would...depend," Neville answered, choosing his answer carefully. "If it's that you honestly couldn't, it would never be fair to hold you accountable for things beyond your control. If you chose not to follow through, on the other hand, that would be different..."
Harry chewed his lower lip as he thought about that. "What ... what if I chose not to?"
Neville frowned against Harry's neck, mulling that question over. "We would have to talk about why, before anything else. I would want to understand why you chose to disobey me, before I decided how to approach correcting you for it."
Harry gave a soft sigh. "That sounds... fair," he said.
“You seem hesitant," Neville said quietly, nuzzling Harry's neck again.
Harry nuzzled Neville in return. "No...I just, well, I don't want to disappoint you."
"You'll do brilliantly, Harry," Neville reassured, pulling back enough to press his lips to Harry's. "I know you will."
Harry returned the kiss eagerly. "I'll try. I want to try."
"There's...something else that being mine would mean for you," Neville murmured, removing his hand from Harry's thigh and bringing it up to trace the column of his throat lightly. "Not...right away, but..."
Harry's breath hitched. One of Hermione's books had gone into collaring and claiming in great - if somewhat scary - detail. "A - a collar?" he whispered.
"Yes," Neville said, his eyes focussing on Harry's, in hopes of staving off the tantalizing image the idea placed in his mind. "You read about them?"
Harry nodded, eyes wide. "A little..."
"What do you know?" Neville asked, his gaze shifting to follow the path of his fingers as the continued to trace the curve of Harry's neck gently.
Harry swallowed. "I don't - I don't know. What I read said that that would mean I was your slave... that you would own me," he whispered. "I don't know ..."
"That's one interpretation," Neville said. "It's as much up to us to interpret as anything else in all of this, really. For me, it would be a physical statement that you're mine." Turning his attention back to Harry's face, Neville withdrew his hand from his neck to stroke his cheek affectionately. "If things developed into you becoming my slave, Harry, that would be a long time off. It would be more of a...training collar, if you prefer."
Harry looked at him in confusion. "A ...training?"
Neville chuckled. "If you want to give this a try, do you expect everything to change for us overnight? It's a process."
Harry let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. "Right. Brilliant. Process."
"Are you still...all right with this?" Neville asked.
Harry cleared his throat. "I - I won't lie to you, Neville, it's a little overwhelming. But it doesn't change my mind."
"Merlin, what did I do to deserve you?" Neville whispered, leaning in to nuzzle Harry's neck.
Harry sighed. "Must have been pretty bad," he teased.
Neville chuckled again. "Whatever it was, I'd do it again, if it means having you here with me. So perfect," he whispered, trailing his hand over Harry's chest slowly.
Harry blushed. "Ohh...” he leaned in to nuzzle Neville's neck. “You’ll let me try?"
"Oh yes," Neville murmured against Harry's neck, kissing a slow trail down toward his shoulder.
Harry let out another slow breath and smiled shyly. "All right then."
Neville returned the smile as he reached for Harry's hands against his chest, moving them gently to pin them above the other man's head again.
Harry's breath hitched. "Sorry..."
"You've done nothing wrong," Neville assured quietly. "Now, I have a bit of a...challenge for you," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement. “Are you ready?”
"A challenge?" Harry's voice rose an octave before he cleared his throat. "Um. Yes?"
Neville released his hold on Harry's hands to stroke his cheek. "I want you to hold this position unless I tell you otherwise, understood? If you move, I'll stop until you can be still again."
Harry nodded, eyes wide. "All right."
"And," Neville added, smirking as he ducked his head to bring his lips beside Harry's ear, "you're not to come without asking permission, first."
Harry let out a ragged moan. "I - uhm - fuck, Neville. I'll try..." His cheeks blushed bright red as he agreed.
"Good boy," Neville whispered approvingly against Harry's ear. Slipping his hand between them, he placed it against the other man's thigh, squeezing gently as he turned his face in toward his neck, kissing and nipping his way down slowly toward his shoulder.
Harry shivered at that, tilting his neck slightly to allow Neville better access, but remaining still otherwise.
"That does count as moving, Harry," Neville reprimanded gently, stilling his hand on Harry's thigh.
Harry bit his lip. "I - I'm sorry, Neville," he whispered.
"It's all right," Neville reassured, nuzzling Harry's neck. Sliding his hand up further on Harry's thigh, he resumed kissing his way toward Harry's shoulder, slowly slipping himself down along the other man's body to settle between his legs again.
Harry held very still, practically holding his breath.
Neville settled himself comfortably between his legs, pulling Harry’s trousers down out of his way before leaning over the other man, following the sparse trail of hair beneath his navel with his lips.
Harry whimpered, his muscles trembling beneath Neville.
Glancing up along Harry's body to focus on his face, Neville wrapped his fingers around the base of Harry's cock, squeezing gently.
Harry let out a small gasp and bit down on his lower lip.
Smirking, Neville slowly began moving his hand along Harry's shaft. "Being still does not mean being silent, Harry," Neville teased, brushing his lips lightly against the head of his cock. "Let me hear you..."
Harry whimpered again. "Gods, Neville..." he moaned.
"That's better," Neville whispered before wrapping his lips around Harry's cock, his hand around the base squeezing again, as he slowly took Harry's length into his mouth.
"Oh, fuck..." Harry groaned, his hips bucking in spite of himself. He stilled immediately, trembling.
Pulling back, Neville teasingly trailed the pads of his fingers along Harry's length, keeping his touch light. "Tell me when you're ready to try that again..."
Harry took a few deep breaths. "I - I'm sorry, Neville," he gasped out.
"You don't need to apologise, Harry; you're trying. That's what matters to me." Neville continued trailing his fingers along Harry's shaft, waiting for him to seem calm enough to continue.
Harry nodded. "All right," he whispered. He resumed the position carefully.
Smiling, Neville tightened his hand around Harry’s cock again, stroking his length slowly. The other man moaned, but managed to remain still this time.
Pleased with his response, Neville brushed his lips against the head of Harry's cock again, his tongue darting briefly across the slit as he stroked him.
Harry gasped, whining softly. "Ohh..."
Neville wrapped his lips around the head when Harry managed to remain still, slowly taking him, inch by inch, into his mouth, his eyes focussed on Harry's face to watch his reaction.
Harry hissed and whimpered, visibly trembling with the effort of remaining still.
Humming in approval, Neville pulled back along Harry's shaft slowly, until only the head was between his lips as he sucked gently.
Harry cried out, squirming ever so slightly. "Ahh!"
"Much better," Neville murmured in an approving tone as he withdrew again. His hand resumed stroking Harry's length with a teasingly light touch as he watched the other man.
Harry sobbed. "Neville, please..."
"Please what, Harry?" Neville asked, nuzzling Harry's thigh.
Harry whimpered. "I don't know...!"
Neville nuzzled Harry’s thigh, his eyes locked on the other man's face as his hand continued moving slowly along the length of his cock. "It's all right, Harry; just tell me what you need."
Harry chewed on his lower lip. "I... want more..."
"Then hold still," Neville said, smiling against Harry's thigh as he gave the base of his cock a light squeeze.
Harry groaned. "I'm trying..."
"And you're making me proud, Harry." Brushing his lips upward along Harry's shaft, Neville circled the head briefly with his tongue. "You're doing well."
Harry strangled back a moan.
Wrapping his lips around Harry's cock again, Neville pulled his hand away to push his mouth down to the base in one quick motion, both of his hands massaging Harry's thighs as he did.
Harry cried out again, his hips coming off the mattress sharply. "Ahh! Neville!"
Groaning in approval, Neville swallowed, his throat flexing around the head of Harry's cock. His hands nudged the other man's legs further apart as he sucked.
Harry moaned and thrust upward again desperately, his legs spreading in response to Neville's urging. "Oh, gods... please, Neville..."
"Please what, Harry?" Neville asked as he finally withdrew, breathing somewhat heavily.
Harry groaned and whimpered as Neville pulled back. "More..."
Muttering a wandless lubrication charm, Neville pressed one of his fingers against Harry's entrance teasingly. "Not sure I heard you," he teased, looking up along Harry's body to meet his eyes. "What do you want?"
“Oh, Merlin, Neville... please... more..." Harry panted, breathing harshly and squirming underneath him.
Neville groaned as Harry squirmed, feeling his cock twitch at the sight of him. Leaning in to wrap his mouth around Harry's length again, he slowly pushed one finger into him, humming softly around his cock.
Harry could feel himself drawing closer. "Neville, please... I'm going to..." His hips lifted off the bed again.
With a hint of reluctance, Neville pulled back again, straightening as he worked his finger slowly in and out of Harry's arse. "I think you're forgetting something, Harry..."
Harry keened, his hips pumping helplessly. "Please, Neville, please..."
"Please what, Harry?" Neville asked, adding a second finger and curling them slightly. "Say it."
Harry keened even louder, his back arching upward as Neville's fingers brushed his prostate. "Please... I want to come...." he managed, cheeks burning.
"Fuck, yes," Neville hissed, working his fingers a little faster. "Come for me, Harry!" Wrapping his other hand around Harry's cock, Neville matched the pace of his stroking with that of his other hand, urging Harry closer.
Harry arched off the bed with a loud cry as Neville drove him to the edge and pushed him over ruthlessly. He came with a loud groan and a violent shudder, shooting streams of milky-white over Neville's hand and his own stomach.
"Good boy, Harry," Neville groaned, lightly stroking Harry's cock a few more times before releasing him and slowly withdrawing his fingers from his arse. Muttering a quiet cleaning spell, he shifted above Harry as the other man came down off his climax, slowly releasing the cuffs around his wrists and pressing a light kiss to each as he removed the bands of leather.
Harry trembled as Neville released him, immediately curling onto his side to cuddle closely to the other man. He buried his face in Neville's neck.
Neville wrapped his arms tightly around Harry, holding him close and stroking a hand along his back. "You did so well, Harry," he whispered, placing a kiss against his cheek. "Are you all right?
Harry nodded, clinging tightly to him, but there was a suspicious wetness beginning to dampen Neville's shoulder.
Swallowing the lump that rose in his throat, Neville tightened his arms around Harry. "Harry, what's wrong?" he asked, trying to sound calm despite his voice cracking.
Harry pulled back and gave his eyes an impatient swipe. "I'm all right, Neville. I'm just a little... overwhelmed."
Neville reached out to grasp Harry's hand, cupping his cheek with the other and wiping at his eyes for him. "I...I'm sorry, Harry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have asked for so much, to begin with."
Harry shook his head. "Please, no... I want to do it. It was just... intense," he whispered, eyes widening with concern. "Please, Neville… don't pull back from this, just because I'm an emotional git."
Neville’s moment of panic passed and he nodded, realizing he hadn't hurt Harry like he'd feared. "Lie back down and let me hold you," he said softly, stroking Harry's cheek.
Harry snuggled against the taller man, kissing his chest gently. He brought his hands up to drag Neville's shirt up slightly, running his fingers across the bared flesh.
Smiling, Neville buried his face in Harry's hair, stroking his back. "You made me proud, Harry," he murmured, placing a gentle kiss against the fringe of Harry's hair. "Very proud."
Harry blushed deeper, ducking his head. "I did?"
Slipping two fingers beneath Harry's chin, Neville tipped his face up to look at him, his smile widening. "Yes; you were wonderful."
Harry nuzzled Neville's neck in response. "I'm glad," he whispered shyly. "I ... I liked it. It was difficult, though..."
Neville slid his hand over Harry’s back soothingly. “What was difficult about it for you?”
"Staying so still..." Harry whispered. "Not being able to touch you. Knowing I was holding still only because you asked me... that I was choosing to obey and make myself helpless..."
“Were you really helpless, though?” Neville asked, pulling back enough to look into Harry’s eyes. “I know it might have felt like you were, but in a way, you had more control over things than I did, Harry.”
Harry looked at him curiously. "I ... don't understand?"
“As you said, you were only still because I asked, not because I forced you to be. You knew how to release yourself from the cuffs, as well, so if you’d wanted to be free, I couldn’t have stopped you.” Neville brought one hand up from around Harry’s waist to caress his cheek lightly. “I can tell you what I want from you, but you’re the one with the control over whether or not you obey.”
"I... I hadn't thought of it like that..." Harry said softly, nuzzling Neville's hand.
Neville smiled as Harry nuzzled his hand. “I can only have as much control as you allow me, Harry. You're the one who has to ultimately say whether something I want can happen or not.”
Harry snuggled closer, wrapping one arm around Neville's waist. "What about what I want?" he whispered teasingly.
Neville chuckled, moving his hand to thread through Harry's hair lightly. “Giving you what you want is already my top priority,” he promised.
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Continue to Installment 4
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