On Children and the lack thereof

[loopymushroom]

Here is a post that's been a while in the writing, and longer in the thinking. It's about people who have kids, people who don't, and the dickery that many of each group seem to sling at each other. The post is long, and I half-expect flak for it. Nevertheless, I would like people to read it. I think it's important

Comments

[stephenpthomas]

Well said.

[the_pale_queen]

Thank you, as always an appeal to people to think and not be dickheads to each other is A Good Thing, as far as I'm concerned :)

And as a particular point, doctors really do need to realise that patient choice is in in fact patient choice. Your mother's situation sounds quite insane - or at least would have had I not heard similar ones from several other sources. That barely counts as elective, even without the fact that she certainly had every right to an elective hysterectomy if she had had no medical problems whatsoever.

[loopymushroom]

Yep, I completely agree, it's incredibly difficult on both sides and probably often not possible. I don't think it's ever not going to be difficult or awkward. I just think it can be made less difficult and awkward if we stop slinging mud and at least try to accommodate each other instead of fighting for the moral high ground.

And cats ftw. :)

[delvy]

Oh but they will. They will.

[entimix]

Absolutely. Well said.

For my part, I'm pretty sure I don't want to have kids, at least not any time soon, and I remain convinced that I'd make a terrible father. It's not that I hate them - heck, I wouldn't have got on very far with two much-younger brothers if I did - I just think I'm more suited to being one of life's uncles.

Whether or not *you* want to have them, however, is IMO entirely your* decision, and neither I nor basically anyone else has a right to question that either way.

(* That's a plural 'you' there, of course - being you and the hypothetical prospective father.**)

(** Yeah, yeah, assumptions, blah blah blah)

[entimix]

Aye, fair point - I meant rather by default than by definition.

It was more a brief aside acknowledging that the decision should lie with everyone directly involved in having the children, which by *default* (although of course not in all cases, hence the "assumptions" subnote) is two people.

(I hope that isn't too mangled by my attempts to say only what I'm trying to say and not accidentally say something I'm not trying to say or trying not to say. I'm trying not to get into any further politics here. I've probably still not got it right.)

[loopymushroom]

Yes, this. Concur. :)

(oh god, feminists criticising women who actually want to stay at home with the kids, insert rant here.)

[delvy]

Steph has often ended up on the end of that brand of abuse. She is significantly more educated than myself but for some reason the market considers that it is willing to pay me something like twice what it is willing to pay her, not because of gender but merely skill sets. That has meant we had to make an economic decision.

The number of people who I would have better of who have criticised and been outright rude to her because of that choice has been horrifying. Shame on them.