Over the Rainbow 4/?
Beta: Thank you jaq_of_spades! I hope your muse will return soon.
Author’s Notes: Look! I haz update! I'm still trying to tie all ends of X3. This scene takes place in the same corridor Logan saw Hank on TV, right before he went outside at the end of the movie. ("Way to go, furball.") Remember the odd place to have a TV? Next to the back entrance of the building? Okay, go watch the ending if you don't. Also, watch Storm waiting for the kids to come back to the Mansion. This scene is happening at the same time she's outside and Logan's looking over the grounds at the back. *waits patiently* Done? Okay. Here we go.
How can two people, who hit it off at almost first sight, become strangers over time? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? It’s a question I keep asking myself while I’m on my way to find Logan.
I don’t understand what happened between us. There was a time I could totally see us becoming close. Something more than friends, but not in a romantic kinda way. Something like family, maybe. It seemed so easy back then. ‘Here’s my life, Logan - I trust you to take care of it.’ It didn’t feel awkward at all. It was the most natural thing ever. I could take a break after all the running and things would be okay anyway. It didn’t even matter that we'd almost killed each other the night before. Nothing a plain and simple ‘sorry’ couldn’t fix.
Is it even possible for a relationship to be like that? That easy?
I’m having a hard time picturing us just *talking* right now, let alone grabbing the concept of us being friends. I don’t see me crashing into his room to discuss homework or whatever. We don’t hang out and just be okay together. He’s hardly around for me to get to know him, and when he’s gone, we never call, text, or email, so no help there either.
I suddenly can’t help but grin at the thought of Logan popping up on Messenger just to chat for a bit. What would be his screen name? X_x_WoLvIe_x_X?
But - maybe that’s not really what friendship is all about. Maybe that’s just conveniently wasting time with someone. Maybe - I don’t know. All I know that that every time when I start considering him as some vague acquaintance instead of someone who’s supposed to be special, he manages to sneak into my space and makes *me* feel special. Or heroically saves my life. Either way. It’s all very frustrating.
Just when I’m about to step outside, a familiar flash of blue appears on one of the TV’s installed in a cozy nook next to the back entrance, broadcasting news 24/7 after what happened at Alcatraz Island. I stop in my tracks, happy to stall a bit more, because - it’s Hank!
Aww, look at him, all proud in his new role as Ambassador, it seems. We’ve come a long way in such a short period of time. Not too long ago I almost killed myself and all world leaders during a certain ‘mutant phenomenon’ summit and now we have a furry blue Ambassador. If it wasn’t for Logan -
Ugh. There I go again. Logan, Logan, Logan. On a pedestal, obviously. Reminds me of a conversation I overheard when I was about to fall asleep in the med-bay right after the ‘summit incident’. The Professor had tried to block the presence of Eric and Logan and we were both exhausted. Dr. Grey was whispering about how I probably had a bit of a hero-worshipping thing going on from now on and how should they deal with that on top of everything else?
Besides the fact that they were whispering - they could’ve blathered about me and my so-called idolizing tendencies telepathically, but noooo, they had to be ‘ethical’ and gossip like normal human beings - I couldn’t help but feel humiliated. It was so condescending. ‘Poor little Rogue, all hung up on a man at least twice her age.’ Well, not in so many words, but their patronizingly superior positions were clear from that moment on.
Well, I showed them, didn’t I? They were dead wrong. Got myself a boyfriend soon enough.
And - I suddenly realize there’s my answer.
That’s what happened. That’s the reason Logan and I ended up like strangers. I was determined to show them they were wrong, but they kept watching us. Watching every move, trying to figure out what’s going on exactly. They were trying to define it, asking questions I didn’t know the answer to. It made me want to analyze it as well and I ended up with nothing but questions myself. A shitload of questions. The most important of them all being ‘what the fuck does he want from me?’
I still don’t know.
What *does* he want from me? What do I want from him? Do I even want something? I have no idea anymore. What do I want us to be? Is it up to me to change it back to the way it was? And what was that exactly?
I roll my eyes at myself. There I go again. Questions, questions, questions. So unlike Logan. He just goes by instinct. There might not be a logical explanation for everything. Maybe what we have is just something that *is* and that’s that. I’ve cried in his arms, hugged him home, worshipped his ass (okay, still worshipping - but that part is allowed), and everything was okay because I went by instinct as well, and now - now I’m all antsy because he just wants to talk to me.
Well, I think he wants to talk to me. It wasn’t really clear, was it? ‘I’ll be outside’ and a look. A rather intense look, come to think of it. That was Logan-ish for ‘come find me when you’re done’, right? Because I really don’t want to seek him out and then stand there like an idiot with nothing to say.
I sigh.
This is also why I’ve been avoiding him. It’s so goddamn exhausting to question and doubt every move. I don’t want that anymore, but --
The excited hum of students entering the building on the other side of the wing makes me realize I’m still standing in front of the TV, now showing news about the riots in the streets ever since people found out mutants got shot with the Cure at Alcatraz. I don’t want to hear any of it. I don’t know who’s wrong and who’s right. I don’t want to take a stand. All I know is that *I* wanted to be cured.
It won’t be long before this place is buzzing with activity again. It shifts my thoughts towards an entirely different subject: what will this year be like? Do I really still belong?
I sigh again.
Even more questions. I’m so sick of them.
I don’t regret taking the cure, but even after two weeks of doing basically nothing but *thinking*, I’m still stuck with question marks all over the place. Who am I? *What* am I? Do I still want the life I thought I could never have? And what life is that exactly? And while I’m at it - how does Logan fit in all this? Assuming he *wants* to be fitted in somewhere? I mean, let’s not jump ahead of things. He might as well going to tell me that he’s taking off again. While that would shorten my list of ‘Things to Figure Out’, I don’t really want him to go.
Crap.
Now I’m stalling because I don’t want to hear any bad news.
But then he might take off without saying goodbye.
If he’s going at all.
Okay, fine. Let’s end this.
I take a deep breath and force my shoulders to relax.
Off I go.
TBC
Author’s Notes: Look! I haz update! I'm still trying to tie all ends of X3. This scene takes place in the same corridor Logan saw Hank on TV, right before he went outside at the end of the movie. ("Way to go, furball.") Remember the odd place to have a TV? Next to the back entrance of the building? Okay, go watch the ending if you don't. Also, watch Storm waiting for the kids to come back to the Mansion. This scene is happening at the same time she's outside and Logan's looking over the grounds at the back. *waits patiently* Done? Okay. Here we go.
How can two people, who hit it off at almost first sight, become strangers over time? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? It’s a question I keep asking myself while I’m on my way to find Logan.
I don’t understand what happened between us. There was a time I could totally see us becoming close. Something more than friends, but not in a romantic kinda way. Something like family, maybe. It seemed so easy back then. ‘Here’s my life, Logan - I trust you to take care of it.’ It didn’t feel awkward at all. It was the most natural thing ever. I could take a break after all the running and things would be okay anyway. It didn’t even matter that we'd almost killed each other the night before. Nothing a plain and simple ‘sorry’ couldn’t fix.
Is it even possible for a relationship to be like that? That easy?
I’m having a hard time picturing us just *talking* right now, let alone grabbing the concept of us being friends. I don’t see me crashing into his room to discuss homework or whatever. We don’t hang out and just be okay together. He’s hardly around for me to get to know him, and when he’s gone, we never call, text, or email, so no help there either.
I suddenly can’t help but grin at the thought of Logan popping up on Messenger just to chat for a bit. What would be his screen name? X_x_WoLvIe_x_X?
But - maybe that’s not really what friendship is all about. Maybe that’s just conveniently wasting time with someone. Maybe - I don’t know. All I know that that every time when I start considering him as some vague acquaintance instead of someone who’s supposed to be special, he manages to sneak into my space and makes *me* feel special. Or heroically saves my life. Either way. It’s all very frustrating.
Just when I’m about to step outside, a familiar flash of blue appears on one of the TV’s installed in a cozy nook next to the back entrance, broadcasting news 24/7 after what happened at Alcatraz Island. I stop in my tracks, happy to stall a bit more, because - it’s Hank!
Aww, look at him, all proud in his new role as Ambassador, it seems. We’ve come a long way in such a short period of time. Not too long ago I almost killed myself and all world leaders during a certain ‘mutant phenomenon’ summit and now we have a furry blue Ambassador. If it wasn’t for Logan -
Ugh. There I go again. Logan, Logan, Logan. On a pedestal, obviously. Reminds me of a conversation I overheard when I was about to fall asleep in the med-bay right after the ‘summit incident’. The Professor had tried to block the presence of Eric and Logan and we were both exhausted. Dr. Grey was whispering about how I probably had a bit of a hero-worshipping thing going on from now on and how should they deal with that on top of everything else?
Besides the fact that they were whispering - they could’ve blathered about me and my so-called idolizing tendencies telepathically, but noooo, they had to be ‘ethical’ and gossip like normal human beings - I couldn’t help but feel humiliated. It was so condescending. ‘Poor little Rogue, all hung up on a man at least twice her age.’ Well, not in so many words, but their patronizingly superior positions were clear from that moment on.
Well, I showed them, didn’t I? They were dead wrong. Got myself a boyfriend soon enough.
And - I suddenly realize there’s my answer.
That’s what happened. That’s the reason Logan and I ended up like strangers. I was determined to show them they were wrong, but they kept watching us. Watching every move, trying to figure out what’s going on exactly. They were trying to define it, asking questions I didn’t know the answer to. It made me want to analyze it as well and I ended up with nothing but questions myself. A shitload of questions. The most important of them all being ‘what the fuck does he want from me?’
I still don’t know.
What *does* he want from me? What do I want from him? Do I even want something? I have no idea anymore. What do I want us to be? Is it up to me to change it back to the way it was? And what was that exactly?
I roll my eyes at myself. There I go again. Questions, questions, questions. So unlike Logan. He just goes by instinct. There might not be a logical explanation for everything. Maybe what we have is just something that *is* and that’s that. I’ve cried in his arms, hugged him home, worshipped his ass (okay, still worshipping - but that part is allowed), and everything was okay because I went by instinct as well, and now - now I’m all antsy because he just wants to talk to me.
Well, I think he wants to talk to me. It wasn’t really clear, was it? ‘I’ll be outside’ and a look. A rather intense look, come to think of it. That was Logan-ish for ‘come find me when you’re done’, right? Because I really don’t want to seek him out and then stand there like an idiot with nothing to say.
I sigh.
This is also why I’ve been avoiding him. It’s so goddamn exhausting to question and doubt every move. I don’t want that anymore, but --
The excited hum of students entering the building on the other side of the wing makes me realize I’m still standing in front of the TV, now showing news about the riots in the streets ever since people found out mutants got shot with the Cure at Alcatraz. I don’t want to hear any of it. I don’t know who’s wrong and who’s right. I don’t want to take a stand. All I know is that *I* wanted to be cured.
It won’t be long before this place is buzzing with activity again. It shifts my thoughts towards an entirely different subject: what will this year be like? Do I really still belong?
I sigh again.
Even more questions. I’m so sick of them.
I don’t regret taking the cure, but even after two weeks of doing basically nothing but *thinking*, I’m still stuck with question marks all over the place. Who am I? *What* am I? Do I still want the life I thought I could never have? And what life is that exactly? And while I’m at it - how does Logan fit in all this? Assuming he *wants* to be fitted in somewhere? I mean, let’s not jump ahead of things. He might as well going to tell me that he’s taking off again. While that would shorten my list of ‘Things to Figure Out’, I don’t really want him to go.
Crap.
Now I’m stalling because I don’t want to hear any bad news.
But then he might take off without saying goodbye.
If he’s going at all.
Okay, fine. Let’s end this.
I take a deep breath and force my shoulders to relax.
Off I go.
TBC