Bits and Pieces of the Action ( K/S snippets, cracky, part 4 of many)
Still more! Disclaimer in part 1.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Uhura stared at the wall of the cave. Then she giggled somewhat nervously and turned around only to meet her captain's curious gaze.
“Something's the matter, Lieutenant?”
“No, Sir. It's just that...”
She explained her findings to Kirk, whose grin was growing wider and wider.
“Really? And you say that that picture over there is-”
“Yes, Sir,” she confirmed.
“Shall we have a little fun with it, then?” he said and before she could ask what is going on, he pulled out his communicator. “Kirk to Spock!”
“Spock here. What is it, Captain?”
“Lieutenant Uhura and I found some writings in a cave, Mr Spock. Would you mind coming here and helping us decipher them?” Kirk said and winked at Uhura. She grinned, catching on.
“Perhaps you should send for Lieutenant McGivers instead, Captain. The soil samples I took revealed-”
“It will only take a moment, Spock,” Kirk cajoled over the communicator. “And McGivers is busy in the ruins you discovered, she finds them fascinating.”
There was a very small sigh.
“On my way, Captain.”
By the time Spock got there, Uhura and Kirk managed to calm down enough to keep straight faces when inquired about the writings.
“This is an old variant of Romulan. Lieutenant, I would have thought you were familiar with the language.”
“Not in the written form so much, Commander,” Uhura replied, trying not to smile. She shot a glance at Kirk, who seemed to abandon any pretense and was grinning like mad. Then again, he was usually grinning at Spock like that.
“Well, Spock? What does it say?” the Captain asked.
Spock turned to the wall and started reading. She could see his ears turning slightly more green than usual.
“This is irrelevant, Captain. The writings here are, I believe human term is 'graffiti'.”
“What you mean, graffiti? Can you read it to me? What is this place? Not a shrine of any kind?” Captain pressed on. Uhura tried to hide her smile by turning around, pretending to be very interested in some crude drawing on the wall. It was very, very crude.
“Sir, judging by what I observed on the Enterprise as well in the Academy, I am of the impression that I am currently reading a toilet wall,” Spock said and she turned just in time to see his eyebrow rising. If she was to guess, he didn't look pleased.
Kirk lost it then. He chuckled, somewhat nervously.
“So, toilet graffiti? Like, 'For good times, comm Gaila' or 'Admiral Archer likes Porthos from behind'?” he asked.
“Commander, I thought such drawings are usually associated with fertility cults,” Uhura said and pointed to the drawing she was looking at. It was a cartoon of a humanoid penis, the kind adolescents usually draw on their school desks. She really tried to swallow the giggle bubbling in her throat.
“Not when the caption beneath it states 'Octavia can take that big a cock up her ass', Lieutenant,” Spock replied in his monotone. He looked at Kirk, who was now snickering like a teenager, and raised his eyebrow again. “Captain, I believe my job here is done. After all, the purpose of this particular exercise was to trick me into using words generally considered vulgar, was it not?”
Uhura blushed, embarrassed at being called out so openly, but Kirk only patted Spock's shoulder and smiled again.
“Don't be mad Spock. Go back to your soil samples. I'll see you after we get back to the ship.”
“Naturally, Sir,” Spock said and, to Uhura's surprise, he didn't seem angry at all.
On to Part 5
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Uhura stared at the wall of the cave. Then she giggled somewhat nervously and turned around only to meet her captain's curious gaze.
“Something's the matter, Lieutenant?”
“No, Sir. It's just that...”
She explained her findings to Kirk, whose grin was growing wider and wider.
“Really? And you say that that picture over there is-”
“Yes, Sir,” she confirmed.
“Shall we have a little fun with it, then?” he said and before she could ask what is going on, he pulled out his communicator. “Kirk to Spock!”
“Spock here. What is it, Captain?”
“Lieutenant Uhura and I found some writings in a cave, Mr Spock. Would you mind coming here and helping us decipher them?” Kirk said and winked at Uhura. She grinned, catching on.
“Perhaps you should send for Lieutenant McGivers instead, Captain. The soil samples I took revealed-”
“It will only take a moment, Spock,” Kirk cajoled over the communicator. “And McGivers is busy in the ruins you discovered, she finds them fascinating.”
There was a very small sigh.
“On my way, Captain.”
By the time Spock got there, Uhura and Kirk managed to calm down enough to keep straight faces when inquired about the writings.
“This is an old variant of Romulan. Lieutenant, I would have thought you were familiar with the language.”
“Not in the written form so much, Commander,” Uhura replied, trying not to smile. She shot a glance at Kirk, who seemed to abandon any pretense and was grinning like mad. Then again, he was usually grinning at Spock like that.
“Well, Spock? What does it say?” the Captain asked.
Spock turned to the wall and started reading. She could see his ears turning slightly more green than usual.
“This is irrelevant, Captain. The writings here are, I believe human term is 'graffiti'.”
“What you mean, graffiti? Can you read it to me? What is this place? Not a shrine of any kind?” Captain pressed on. Uhura tried to hide her smile by turning around, pretending to be very interested in some crude drawing on the wall. It was very, very crude.
“Sir, judging by what I observed on the Enterprise as well in the Academy, I am of the impression that I am currently reading a toilet wall,” Spock said and she turned just in time to see his eyebrow rising. If she was to guess, he didn't look pleased.
Kirk lost it then. He chuckled, somewhat nervously.
“So, toilet graffiti? Like, 'For good times, comm Gaila' or 'Admiral Archer likes Porthos from behind'?” he asked.
“Commander, I thought such drawings are usually associated with fertility cults,” Uhura said and pointed to the drawing she was looking at. It was a cartoon of a humanoid penis, the kind adolescents usually draw on their school desks. She really tried to swallow the giggle bubbling in her throat.
“Not when the caption beneath it states 'Octavia can take that big a cock up her ass', Lieutenant,” Spock replied in his monotone. He looked at Kirk, who was now snickering like a teenager, and raised his eyebrow again. “Captain, I believe my job here is done. After all, the purpose of this particular exercise was to trick me into using words generally considered vulgar, was it not?”
Uhura blushed, embarrassed at being called out so openly, but Kirk only patted Spock's shoulder and smiled again.
“Don't be mad Spock. Go back to your soil samples. I'll see you after we get back to the ship.”
“Naturally, Sir,” Spock said and, to Uhura's surprise, he didn't seem angry at all.
On to Part 5