What not to read
Not long ago I was asked, what books to recommend to someone fairly new to reading for pleasure (yes, there are people like that, sadly). To be honest, first books I could think of were some of the ones you should NOT, under any circumstances, open. Ever.
Here is what I thought of.
First, let me do the distinction of classic literature vs shit that floods my bookstore.
While I might dislike some classics, I obviously can't say they are worst books ever because their influence on modern literature is far too big, for good or for worse. So. Not touching the classics.
That being said, let me proceed to shit that floods my bookstore. and there is so much of it, I can't pick just one book, or one series, I just can't. I'm having too much masochistic fun with crap literature to just step away.
But, so far, the winners are:
Twilight series.
It's the cancer that is killing literature. In dire need of chemotherapy. I read better fanfiction than this piece of stale cow shit. And Bella is a Mary Sue the size of Empire State Building. And furry pedo action? SWEET JESUS JOSEPH AND MARY!
The Southern Vampire Mysteries, by Charlaine Harris
You might know it as the books True Blood was based on.
It's Twilight prototype. 'nuff said.
I don't care what you think about the TV show but the books really are shitty shitty shit.
The Wheel of Time
Yea yea, come all ye haters. The first one was good. The rest? Well, hm, it sells, people think it's great, I'll proceed to wank with my newfound glory and jizz sequels till the day I DIE!
Silmarillion
Boring as fuck. Another wankfest courtesy of the author.
Written in Bone, by Simon Beckett
It's the second installment of Dr David Hunter series. It's about a forensic anthropologist. First book was interesting, second was just dull and disturbing.
Anything Dan Brown ever written
Bored housewives seem to dig his books, in between watching daytime television. Understandable, considering all of his books match bored housewife's intellectual level.
On top of that, he follows same formula in every book. Find stuff on wikipedia, pull some crazy theory out of your ass, toss in things that will piss off the church et voila! Another bestseller by Dan Brown!
The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova
A bastard child of Dan Brown books and Twilight.
Mary Sue character? check! "BIG MYSTERY?" check! Lots of traveling? check! Vampires who just do not die in sunlight? check! No research on the culture and places described in the book? check!
The last thing really pissed me off. The author did NO RESEARCH whatsoever. AT ALL! At least Dan Brown reads stuff on wikipedia before writing a book. This woman doesn't. Lazy.
I could go on, but I think this will do.