(no subject)
Title: Not Where I Belong, Part 6
Author: lls_mutant
Fic Summary: Tory might have pulled her from the launch tube, but Cally's life still felt like it was over. Everything she loved was gone, or at the very least, changed to something that she hated.
Chapter Summary: Forgiveness is a big word
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts (Cally), suicide (not Cally)
Pairings: Canon pairings, Galen is important in the story, but it's more gen.
Author's Notes : What Nicky retcon? Also, although I changed a few events to suit our purposes, most of this universe follows canon… just with Cally alive.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
There was a funeral for Felix Gaeta.
Gaius Baltar, of all people, organized it almost a week after the executions. Cally had heard rumors that there had been a funeral for Zarek over on the Astral Queen, but if there was any truth to that, it hadn't gotten any coverage in the Fleet News. She believed it, though, and she'd wished she had the guts to arrange one for Gaeta. She never thought she'd be grateful to Gaius Baltar, but she was.
The funeral was small, and held down in the room that Baltar's cult worshiped in. Cally had never been down here before, and she looked around curiously. It was surprisingly plain, defying the rumors she'd heard of altars, sumptuous hangings, and thick carpets. Baltar was sitting in a chair, talking quietly to one of his followers. There was a Colonial flag laid over the altar, like there had been at Hoshi's funeral, although this one was worn and threadbare.
Cally looked around guiltily as she stepped in. She saw Dee first, and Dee snapped around to face front, away from Cally. She whispered something to Helo who was sitting beside her, and Helo gripped her arm, obviously urging her to stay seated. Athena wasn't there, and the chair on the other side of Helo was open. Cally didn't sit in it.
There were people who should have been there. Narcho, Racetrack, Seelix… they were all over on the Astral Queen, sitting in cells. There were other people that should have been there, too, people who had loved Gaeta, but had been long gone when he died. Cally wondered if she could find that picture of his family on the Wall, if she would recognize them if she looked. She wasn't sure she wanted to.
She took a seat in the last row, trying not to make a sound as she sat on the metal chair, and bowed her head. She wasn't sure she wanted to see how few people came.
There were footsteps behind her, but they didn't pass her. Whoever had come in had chosen to stand in the back. Two people, she realized, when she heard a whisper.
Baltar stood, and then hesitated. Cally glanced up as one more person slipped into the room and sat down beside her. She looked, trying not to turn her head, and was surprised to see Hot Dog. He flashed her a brief smile and then bowed his head, his fingers laced together as his elbows rested on his knees. He seemed anxious and wary, but he also seemed sincere.
Baltar looked pointedly at the door, as if waiting for any other stragglers, and then finally, the funeral began.
***
Cally wanted to hear the words, but they washed over her. Flowery phrases, like Baltar had always given so freely. That's what Baltar had been best at, at least in public. She hated him for it.
But when he knelt before them and prayed to his God, he cried. And that she understood.
***
The service ended with music. It was just an instrumental track, no voice, played on a wireless. The lack of vocals was not subtle, but it was effective. The music faded away and Baltar turned it off with a click. Silence echoed through the room, broken only by one of the people behind her clearing his throat.
Cally knew that sound anywhere. Galen was standing behind her. Her shoulders stiffened.
Next to her, Hot Dog whispered something that sounded like a prayer. It didn't help. Cally's nerves were stretched so tightly she was afraid she would scream. She bit her lip, staring at the floor.
Chairs scratched as people stood, and she felt more than saw Dee and Helo walk by her, in step together. Helo murmured something to the people behind her, and Cally heard the gruff voice of Colonel Tigh in response. They left, and after a moment, Galen and the Colonel did, too. Cally relaxed a little.
"Frakkers," she heard herself saying.
Next to her, Hot Dog raised an eyebrow. "They weren't here for that."
"Excuse me?" Cally said, surprised.
"They weren't here to keep everyone in line," Hot Dog explained.
"How do you know that?"
Hot Dog shrugged. "I don't. I just like to think it."
Cally glared at him. "Why are you here? Did you know Gaeta well?"
"I knew him some. We were on the Demetrius together, and he'd been tactical longer than I've been a pilot."
"You weren't friends, then," Cally said dully.
"I liked him," Hot Dog said with a shrug. Not a surprise- it was Cally's impression that Hot Dog liked everyone, in a good-natured, little brother sort of way.
"If that's all it was, why did you come? When he did what he did?"
Hot Dog rubbed his chin. "Because before he did what he did, we were on the Demetrius together and he'd been tactical longer than I've been a pilot. Can't say I understand why he mutinied, but it doesn't change everything he did before that. Just like Baltar said." Hot Dog stood up. "Bet that's why the Colonel came down himself, instead of sending Marines or something. See you later, Cally."
Cally watched him go, but for some reason she sat on, unable to move out of her chair. She was so lost in thought that she barely even noticed Baltar coming over to sit by her. He didn't sit next to her; rather, he sat two chairs down.
"I'm glad you came," he said softly, startling Cally out of her thoughts. "Thank you."
"I didn't come here for you," Cally informed him.
"I never entertained the notion that you did," Baltar said. "But no matter what happened between us, Felix was the best friend I've had since the Cylons attacked. He deserved to be honored."
Baltar had a way of looking piteous, with big sincere eyes that melted the heart. Cally didn't want to look at him and see that. "I wasn't close to him," she admitted, staring straight ahead at the folded flag that hadn't been presented to anyone. "I was closer to Hoshi."
"What was he like?" Baltar asked.
"Gaeta?" Cally asked incredulously.
"No. Mr. Hoshi." Unwillingly, Cally turned to look at Baltar, and to her mild surprise, he looked like he was crying. "I never knew him."
"He was kind," Cally heard herself saying. "Gentle, but he could be… he was a soldier." She shook her head. "He was kind," she repeated.
"Did he love Felix?"
"Yes."
Baltar smiled. "You have no idea of how inexpressibly good it is to hear that," he said. "I know it can never make up for my own sins, but to know that God extended His hand in some way-"
"God didn't extend his hand," Cally cut Baltar off. "Hoshi did."
Baltar's smile turned patronizing. "And who prompted that?"
Aphrodite would have been Cally's response under normal circumstances. It wasn't that she couldn't see what Baltar was saying… it was that Baltar was saying it. She shook her head and stood up.
"I should go. I-"
"There's no reason to hurry away," Baltar said.
Cally pulled herself up. "I have no desire to join your… your cult," she said, gesturing around the empty room.
"I never labored under the illusion that you did," Baltar said. That stopped Cally, because for Gaius Baltar to admit that he wasn't wanted by someone in any capacity… Cally didn't know him well, but she knew that was unusual. He looked back up at the altar. "I don't know how we managed to save that flag. It was the one that we flew on Founder's Day, you know. On New Caprica."
"Really?" That caught Cally off-guard.
Baltar sighed. "I know that New Caprica was a disaster," he said. "I know that it brought grief for a lot of people, that it was a time of suffering and of pain. But before everything went wrong… I think he might have been happy there. Is that so impossible, to believe that someone might have been happy on New Caprica?"
Cally closed her eyes and bowed her head. "No," she whispered.
Baltar leaned forward and took her hand. A part of Cally wanted to pull away, but at the same time, she couldn't. This wasn't what she expected. "You and me, Galen and Felix… we've all got quite a bit in common, don't we? Quite a history? It amazes me, how God can constantly put us in each others' paths, use us for His purposes. And yet, He does. I remember you, begging me to save Galen, convinced he wasn't a Cylon. Blackmailing me, if I recall correctly." Baltar chuckled, and Cally couldn't help but look at him now. His hand was still on hers, but only lightly, and he was regarding her with a sort of affection. "And now, here we are."
"Here we are."
"At the end of the world, there isn’t much we can offer each other," Baltar said. "In fact, after Earth, I thought there was nothing. Bitterness, pain, anger… our fathers have turned their backs on us, and left us floundering. But there is one thing left, one powerful, meaningful gift. Forgiveness."
"Forgiveness?" Cally nearly spit out the word. "Like, let it all go back to what it was forgiveness? Say you're sorry and I can love you again forgiveness? None of it matters, let's forget it all and just forgive each other?"
Baltar shook his head and laid his other hand over Cally's, turning towards her earnestly. "That's not forgiveness, Cally," he said, and his eyes burned. "Forgiveness- real forgiveness- is when we have every reason to hate and despise each other. It's when we've hurt each other in unforgivable ways, and yet… we can still wish each other well. It is a gift, Cally, a true gift, to give that forgiveness."
"And you're saying I should forgive you," Cally said dryly, "for New Caprica."
"No." Baltar smiled sadly. "I'm saying that the greatest gift I ever received was the night before Felix died, when he sat with me and he forgave me for everything. I'm not trying to coerce anything from you. I'm just telling you, because it's all I have left to share."
Something in her was waving wildly, like a reed in the wind, threatening to break. Cally looked down so Baltar wouldn't see how close she was to crying. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"That's entirely up to you," Baltar said.
***
That night she rocked Nicky as he cuddled against her shoulder. His skin was damp where his hair curled on his neck, and his hands clutched her shirt. The room was silent except for his snuffling and her soft whispers.
She hadn't spoken to Galen- really spoken to him- since he'd found her in the brig. Tonight, she wondered what she'd say if he was here.
***
"Watch out! He's coming in hot!"
The Viper bounced against the floor, skidding and showering the side of the landing bay with sparks. Cally's heart was in her throat, even as she was sprinting over before she was called, grabbing tools as she ran. "Who is it?" someone asked.
"Hot Dog," was the answer.
"Frak."
The Viper skidded across the bay, crashing against the wall. The wing was severely damaged, blackened and part of it torn away. All around them, other Vipers were landing as well. Cally braced automatically and felt the jump as Galactica got away.
"How is he?" Starbuck was out of her Viper, hovering over their shoulders.
"Get back and let us work," Galen growled. He didn't even glance around. "Cally! You here?"
"I'm here, Chief," she said.
"Get the-"
"I've already got it," she said, pushing the cutters into his hands and putting the goggles onto his head.
He spared two seconds for a look back at her, and then began to cut into the Viper's frame as Cally wired the pump as fast as he could. "Get ready to pull it back," he said as she hoisted herself up onto the good wing. "It looks like it's just the wing, but we'd better be ready for an electrical malfunction."
Cally nodded and held her breath, and gripped the wing. Inside, she could see Hot Dog. His eyes were closed and he was definitely out, but there was something about his face…
"Get a medic!" someone was calling, but Cally barely heard it. Instead, she watched Chief for his signal.
"All right, Cally," he said. "Pull!"
There was the creaking of bending metal, and Cally pulled as hard as she could. "All right," Galen gasped. "Can you squirm in there and hit the release?"
Cally nodded and pulled herself up and over into the cockpit. As she did, she noticed the burns on Hot Dog's arm, and the blood trickling down his Viper suit. She hit the button, but the harness didn't release. "Hand me a knife or something," she shouted. One was slapped into her hand, and she sawed furiously through the straps. Then she pulled herself out, jumping away so the medics could get in.
"Is he alive?" Galen asked anxiously.
Cally nodded. "I think so. Blood was flowing."
Galen grabbed her arm and pulled her back as the medics eased Hot Dog out of the cockpit and onto a stretcher. Cally watched, heart in her throat. "Frak," she said, as they tore into the suit and hooked an IV right into his arm. She turned away and looked at the Viper, but it didn't really help to ease the feeling in her stomach.
Galen nodded. The medics wheeled Hot Dog away, and he clapped his hands. "All right, people. Let's get this deck back in shape!" Cally started away, but Galen caught her. "Help me with this one?"
"Yes, sir," Cally said.
"We’re gonna have to scrap it," Galen said with a sigh. "Let's sort out what we can use and what we can't."
Cally nodded. It was a job that would take hours, but it was far better than sweeping corridors or shoveling sewage. Like she had a choice anyway. She went to get her tools.
***
"Hot Dog's out of surgery," she heard Starbuck tell Galen. She didn't look at Cally at all. "Cottle thinks he'll be okay."
"How long is he going to be down?" Galen asked.
"Doc's not sure. He'll have a better idea in a few days. But I'd say you've got a while before you need to get him into another Viper." Starbuck tried to sound casual, but the worry was clear on her face. Cally pressed her lips together and looked away, carefully trying to pull out the communications console.
"How's it going?" Galen asked her, sliding down beside her.
"All right," Cally said. She glanced at her watch. "I need to report to sewage in twenty minutes, though."
"No, you don't. I told Tigh I need you down here. You're covered there, and working a double here."
"Yes, sir." Cally wiped her hair off her face, leaving a streak of grease. She sighed, and then went back to the communications console. The wiring was tricky under the best of circumstances, and having it all fused together only made it near-impossible.
"I saw you at the funeral the other day," Galen said suddenly.
"Which funeral?" Cally muttered, but she knew. For all that it felt like funerals were a regular occurrence, there was only one that Galen had meant.
"You were talking to Baltar for a long time," Galen said.
Cally glanced up at him. "That a problem, sir?"
"I wasn't following you," Galen said, in answer to the unspoken accusation. "I was actually waiting for Baltar."
"Oh."
"What did you think?"
"What did I think?" Cally repeated.
"You know I want to take Nicky to one of Baltar's services."
"Oh." She sighed. "Do I even have a say anymore, after the mutiny?"
Galen's face hardened a bit. "You might not have rank anymore, but you're still Nicky's mother. That doesn't change, Cally, and you know it."
She did. But the truth was she was tired. She waved her hand. "Fine," she conceded. "Take him."
"Cally-"
"I'm serious, Galen. Take him. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to…" she stared down at the wires until they blurred in her sight. "I just want to fix this."
Galen was silent for a long time. "Yeah," he finally said. "Same here."
***
It was extremely late when Cally got off duty, and yet she found herself creeping down to the infirmary anyway. The corridors were quiet, and the lights were low in the actual sickbay itself. Fortunately, no one seemed to be guarding the door, although Cally had the distinct impression that her presence was noticed here.
She heard a low, soft laugh and moved over quietly. Layne Ishay was sitting beside Hot Dog's bed, worry on her face, even as she smiled. She looked exhausted, and Hot Dog's right side was covered with bandages. A machine beeped, and an IV bag glistened in the light.
"So the bank manager looked into the bag. 'What is it?' Paddywack asked. 'It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan!'"
Ishay laughed. "That's absolutely terrible," she told Hot Dog. She glanced at her watch. "We've got two more hours before you can have- oh. Cally."
Ishay, Cally noticed, was the first person who didn't scowl at her. Cally relaxed a little. "I just wanted to drop by and see how Hot Dog was doing," she said. "But if you're busy-"
Ishay looked at Hot Dog and he tried to shake his head. "Not busy. You can stay," he said.
"Although I'll warn you, he's trying to distract himself by telling me every joke he can remember," Ishay said. She looked drawn and tired. Cally found herself smiling.
"If you want, I can stay with him and he can tell me the repertoire," Cally offered.
Ishay looked at Hot Dog, and he nodded. "That works," he said. He shifted, grimacing in pain. "You've got two hours," he warned Ishay.
"One hour and fifty-five minutes," Ishay said, smiling. "Buzz if you need anything, or if Cally needs to go." With that, Ishay ducked out of the cubicle.
Cally sat down in the deserted chair. "Jokes, huh?" she asked.
"Yeah. Ishay says two more hours before I can have more morpha." Hot Dog grimaced. "Thanks for coming down, by the way."
"I wanted to see how you were doing," Cally said lamely.
"Yeah. They told me you and Chief pulled me out. So thanks for that."
"You're welcome." Cally supposed she'd come over with the notion of saying something more, something about how Hot Dog was one of the few that had had something decent to say to her since the mutiny. But as she watched him trying to pretend he wasn’t in pain, she decided not to say any of it.
For the next two hours, she listened to Hot Dog tell joke after joke. Over half of them were dirty, two thirds of them were bad, and all of them were told through gritted teeth and increasing pain. At one point, he grabbed her hand, and he didn’t let go for the last half-hour. Cally hadn't intended to stay this long, but after seeing what he was going through, there was no way she could leave.
Finally, Ishay entered the cubicle with a small syringe and injected it into the IV. It took another two minutes, tops, for Hot Dog to pass out.
"He'll be out for a while," Ishay said kindly. "You might want to go get some sleep, Specialist."
"It's crewman," Cally said with a wry smirk, standing up and stretching. "Didn't you hear?"
"I heard. And as far as I'm concerned, it's still Specialist, at least when it's you and me." Ishay raised an eyebrow, and Cally wondered just how much she'd been in on the mutiny herself. She wondered if Ishay knew that she'd betrayed the mutiny as well. She rubbed her forehead.
"Will Hot Dog be okay?" she asked.
Ishay sighed, looking at the pilot's inert form. "I hope so," she said. "He's not going to die from the injuries, but there's still a very serious risk of infection. Are you two close?"
Cally shook her head. "Not at all. I just was there when his Viper landed, and…" she shrugged.
"Well, it was good of you to come by. No one else has really visited. Not for long, anyway." Ishay made a face. "I guess most of his friends are dead. I guess most of everyone's friends are dead," she added.
"Yeah," Cally agreed. "Guess so."
***
It was Kat that was heavy on Cally's mind the next day as she stood in the door of the mess hall. Kat, chasing Hot Dog through the hangar deck and knocking over a bucket of tools, laughing as Galen shouted at them to get their asses back and clean it up.
She took a deep breath, and walked over to where Dee was sitting, eating alone.
"Can I join you?"
Dee looked up, and narrowed her eyes, and for a long moment Cally thought she was going to tell her to frak off. But she shrugged and went back to her food. "Can't stop you," she said.
"Thanks," Cally said, sitting. She breathed deeply, focusing on her food.
Dee stabbed at her algae. She seemed restless, and Cally tried to form the words she wanted to say. But her mouth was dry, and she couldn't swallow.
"You know what he told me?" Dee demanded, in for her what was an outburst. Cally looked up. Dee was staring fixedly down at her plate. "He told me that if people are upset, they should go through the proper channels. Can you image? He said that."
Cally forced the bite of algae down her throat. "He also played the inside man on New Caprica. I guess he learned there aren't always proper channels that are going to listen."
"He learned," Dee scoffed. "That's always been the problem. Long before the Cylons attacked. I'm not talking about Galactica. I'm talking about everything. And he never saw it. Never."
"Dee, I-"
"He protected me," Dee continued angrily. She glared at Cally. "What? You don't think I figured out that was what he was doing? I figured it out. If I'd tried to fight him, he would have had to kill me, and if I'd been his XO, Adama would have had to kill me. Of course, that didn't stop him from basically killing himself."
"I-"
"I understand why you did it, you know," Dee said. "I understand about Racetrack and Diana, too. But I don't understand why he did it. I don't understand why he…" she broke off, looking down at her plate, and it occurred to Cally that Dee had been sitting alone when she'd walked in. Dee might not have been in on the mutiny, but she and Felix had been so close, and surely people were wondering and angry….
She laid her fork down, trying to think of what to possibly say. Dee was still staring at her dishes, blinking rapidly. Cally reached out and took her hand. Dee's hand was cold in hers, but she didn't move it away.
"We could get out of here," Cally suggested softly.
"Where would we go?" Dee asked.
"The Memorial Hallway?" Cally said. "We could grieve them together."
Dee wiped at her eyes discreetly, and then took a deep breath and nodded. "Let's go," she sagreed.
***
"You know what the frak pisses me off the most?"
It was as if now that Cally and Dee were seen together, Danielle could see her. The words exploded out of Danielle as soon as they were relatively alone, trying to repair a toilet main.
"What pisses you off the most?" Cally asked, half dutifully and half cringing in anticipation of her response.
"You lied to me about Galen," Danielle informed her, angrily turning off the water with a twist of her wrench. "You had me thinking that the two of you were going for marital counseling. Marital counseling."
"Do you really think that Galen and I are ever going to be married again?" Cally asked.
"I thought you were going to work things out for Nicky. That even if you couldn't live together- which who am I to pass judgment on that?- you were going to at least be civil to each other. I thought you gave a shit about what Nicky needs, and Nicky needs both of you."
"Nicky has both of us," Cally said stiffly. "Do you need the snake?"
"Not yet. And he doesn't. He's got you and he's got Chief pretending around him that he's exactly who he used to be."
"So?"
"So, Nicky is half Cylon."
"Don't remind me," Cally muttered.
"No, I will, because you do need to be reminded," Danielle said angrily. She took the bolts out neatly. "Help me lift this." They both moved the base of the toilet aside. "Oh, gods, that's gross," Danielle sighed. "But it's not a different culture," she said, picking up the conversation smoothly, her voice returning to a strident tone. "It's not just different customs, because with forty thousand of us left, that's kind of bullshit. But it's a different make-up. I mean, there are things Nicky will probably be able to do that aren't physically possible for us, or any human. He needs Galen."
Cally scowled. "You're as bad as Hoshi was," she said.
"Yes, well Louis Hoshi was a very smart man when he wasn't blowing his brains out," Danielle snapped. "Really, could this smell any worse? We have got to find something better to eat than that algae."
The only reason Cally didn't snap back at Danielle was that she was too busy trying not to throw up. She pulled out a rag and tied it over her face. The rag helped, and she pulled on a thick pair of gloves before bending over the open toilet main.
"You know," Danielle said, sitting back and wiping her face, "you should talk to Athena and Helo or something."
"Are you okay?" Cally asked.
Danielle waved her hand. "The smell."
Cally bent herself over the main and grabbed the snake herself. "You're doing this to get back at me, aren't you?"
"No, it really was the smell, but now that you mention it, yes. Excellent idea. You fix the toilet main, and we're good again." But Danielle genuinely looked sick. Cally grit her teeth and bent over the job.
She was finally getting things flowing again when she spoke. "They won't talk to me."
"Who won't talk to you?" Danielle said. Her eyes were still closed, her head tipped back against the wall of the cubicle.
"Helo and Athena."
"Athena won't," Danielle agreed. "Helo will."
"Not after the mutiny."
"Sure he will. Helo's a big softie. Just cry and mention your son."
"You're cynical today."
"You're lucky I'm not puking on your shoes. Are you almost done?"
"Almost. The worst of the blockage is cleared. Looks like the valve's going." Cally reached down and swaged the part off. "I hope we brought duct tape."
"Funny." But Danielle pushed herself up, and the color was starting to return to her face as the smell lessened a bit. "Are you going to talk to Helo?"
"And form an I-married-a-Cylon support group?" Cally snorted and got up to clean the valve off in solvent so she could look at it better. She sighed. "I don't think talking to Helo's going to do me any good." She sighed and fingered the valve. "O-ring is in pieces. You know who I wish I could talk to? Of everyone in the world?"
"Hoshi?" Danielle guessed.
"No. Jammer."
Danielle made a face. "Jammer wouldn't have helped."
"Doesn't matter," Cally said, knowing she was perfectly right. "I just wish I could…" she shook her head. "Doesn't matter," she repeated. "Wishing doesn't change any of it." She fished an o-ring out of her kit and neatly fit it into the seating. "Talking to Helo about how great it is to be married to a Cylon isn't going to change it, either."
"'Surviving is the punishment for leaving things left unsaid,'" Danielle muttered, in the tone of a quotation.
Cally pretended not to hear her. She reassembled the valve and got back down on the floor. "Come on," she said, grabbing her wrench. "We're almost done, and then we can get out of here."
***
"Caroline," Cally began, catching her in the hall as a few Marines strolled by. "Look, do you have a minute?"
Caroline didn't even pretend not to ignore her. She just shook Cally's hand off and continued on her way.
Cally stared after her, telling herself not to dwell on it. That she'd made amends with Dee and Danielle, and that was more than she ever expected. At least Caroline was alive, and she'd have the chance someday.
Someday.
***
"So then, he says, I don't know, but it's on your left shoulder!"
Cally laughed, and then glanced at her watch. "I should go," she said.
"I know," Hot Dog said with a grimace. "Thanks for coming down."
"Sure," Cally said.
"Kind of surprised you do," Hot Dog said.
"Why?"
"From what you told me, the last time you made a new friend, he blew his brains out and his partner enlisted you in a mutiny."
Cally started at him. "I hadn't thought of it like that," she said coldly.
"Sorry," Hot Dog muttered, and he shifted uncomfortably, his good hand bracing his burnt arm. "I didn't really mean it. I just kind of know how you feel, with half the pilots I know over on the Astral Queen."
"Yeah," Cally relented. "Don't worry about it." She looked at her watch. "I'll come back tomorrow if I can, but I've got to get going."
"All right. Good luck."
"Thanks." She shot him one more harried smile and headed out of the infirmary and through the corridors.
The quickest route took her through the Memorial Hallway. Cally glanced at the walls as she passed, although she didn't have time to linger. But Hoshi's smile caught her eye, and she managed a tremulous little smile as she passed his picture. No matter what Hot Dog had said, that felt good.
She arrived at her destination just in time. Cally pushed through the people, amazed at just how many people were in the room. She looked around frantically. He had to be in here someplace.
And there he was. Across the room, Cally spotted Galen, Nicky perched on his lap as he sat waiting for the service to start. Their eyes met, and he waved, indicating the chair he had saved next to him. She squirmed her way over.
"You made it," he said, as Nicky reached out for her.
"I did." Cally touched Nicky's cheek. "I can't believe you talked me into this-"
"You don't have to come. I just wanted to take Nicky."
"I know." Cally sighed. "And I guess I ought to understand what you're teaching him. I am his mother, after all."
Galen smiled, but the smile faded fast. "I'm glad you came," he said.
"It doesn't mean anything," Cally warned him. "I'm not converting or anything."
"Didn't ask you to," he said. "But I'm still glad you came."
Cally opened her mouth to respond, but any answer was drowned out by Gaius Baltar taking the stage. She settled back, next to her son and her ex-husband, and listened to the former President of the Colonies begin to preach.
On to part 7
Author: lls_mutant
Fic Summary: Tory might have pulled her from the launch tube, but Cally's life still felt like it was over. Everything she loved was gone, or at the very least, changed to something that she hated.
Chapter Summary: Forgiveness is a big word
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts (Cally), suicide (not Cally)
Pairings: Canon pairings, Galen is important in the story, but it's more gen.
Author's Notes : What Nicky retcon? Also, although I changed a few events to suit our purposes, most of this universe follows canon… just with Cally alive.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
There was a funeral for Felix Gaeta.
Gaius Baltar, of all people, organized it almost a week after the executions. Cally had heard rumors that there had been a funeral for Zarek over on the Astral Queen, but if there was any truth to that, it hadn't gotten any coverage in the Fleet News. She believed it, though, and she'd wished she had the guts to arrange one for Gaeta. She never thought she'd be grateful to Gaius Baltar, but she was.
The funeral was small, and held down in the room that Baltar's cult worshiped in. Cally had never been down here before, and she looked around curiously. It was surprisingly plain, defying the rumors she'd heard of altars, sumptuous hangings, and thick carpets. Baltar was sitting in a chair, talking quietly to one of his followers. There was a Colonial flag laid over the altar, like there had been at Hoshi's funeral, although this one was worn and threadbare.
Cally looked around guiltily as she stepped in. She saw Dee first, and Dee snapped around to face front, away from Cally. She whispered something to Helo who was sitting beside her, and Helo gripped her arm, obviously urging her to stay seated. Athena wasn't there, and the chair on the other side of Helo was open. Cally didn't sit in it.
There were people who should have been there. Narcho, Racetrack, Seelix… they were all over on the Astral Queen, sitting in cells. There were other people that should have been there, too, people who had loved Gaeta, but had been long gone when he died. Cally wondered if she could find that picture of his family on the Wall, if she would recognize them if she looked. She wasn't sure she wanted to.
She took a seat in the last row, trying not to make a sound as she sat on the metal chair, and bowed her head. She wasn't sure she wanted to see how few people came.
There were footsteps behind her, but they didn't pass her. Whoever had come in had chosen to stand in the back. Two people, she realized, when she heard a whisper.
Baltar stood, and then hesitated. Cally glanced up as one more person slipped into the room and sat down beside her. She looked, trying not to turn her head, and was surprised to see Hot Dog. He flashed her a brief smile and then bowed his head, his fingers laced together as his elbows rested on his knees. He seemed anxious and wary, but he also seemed sincere.
Baltar looked pointedly at the door, as if waiting for any other stragglers, and then finally, the funeral began.
***
Cally wanted to hear the words, but they washed over her. Flowery phrases, like Baltar had always given so freely. That's what Baltar had been best at, at least in public. She hated him for it.
But when he knelt before them and prayed to his God, he cried. And that she understood.
***
The service ended with music. It was just an instrumental track, no voice, played on a wireless. The lack of vocals was not subtle, but it was effective. The music faded away and Baltar turned it off with a click. Silence echoed through the room, broken only by one of the people behind her clearing his throat.
Cally knew that sound anywhere. Galen was standing behind her. Her shoulders stiffened.
Next to her, Hot Dog whispered something that sounded like a prayer. It didn't help. Cally's nerves were stretched so tightly she was afraid she would scream. She bit her lip, staring at the floor.
Chairs scratched as people stood, and she felt more than saw Dee and Helo walk by her, in step together. Helo murmured something to the people behind her, and Cally heard the gruff voice of Colonel Tigh in response. They left, and after a moment, Galen and the Colonel did, too. Cally relaxed a little.
"Frakkers," she heard herself saying.
Next to her, Hot Dog raised an eyebrow. "They weren't here for that."
"Excuse me?" Cally said, surprised.
"They weren't here to keep everyone in line," Hot Dog explained.
"How do you know that?"
Hot Dog shrugged. "I don't. I just like to think it."
Cally glared at him. "Why are you here? Did you know Gaeta well?"
"I knew him some. We were on the Demetrius together, and he'd been tactical longer than I've been a pilot."
"You weren't friends, then," Cally said dully.
"I liked him," Hot Dog said with a shrug. Not a surprise- it was Cally's impression that Hot Dog liked everyone, in a good-natured, little brother sort of way.
"If that's all it was, why did you come? When he did what he did?"
Hot Dog rubbed his chin. "Because before he did what he did, we were on the Demetrius together and he'd been tactical longer than I've been a pilot. Can't say I understand why he mutinied, but it doesn't change everything he did before that. Just like Baltar said." Hot Dog stood up. "Bet that's why the Colonel came down himself, instead of sending Marines or something. See you later, Cally."
Cally watched him go, but for some reason she sat on, unable to move out of her chair. She was so lost in thought that she barely even noticed Baltar coming over to sit by her. He didn't sit next to her; rather, he sat two chairs down.
"I'm glad you came," he said softly, startling Cally out of her thoughts. "Thank you."
"I didn't come here for you," Cally informed him.
"I never entertained the notion that you did," Baltar said. "But no matter what happened between us, Felix was the best friend I've had since the Cylons attacked. He deserved to be honored."
Baltar had a way of looking piteous, with big sincere eyes that melted the heart. Cally didn't want to look at him and see that. "I wasn't close to him," she admitted, staring straight ahead at the folded flag that hadn't been presented to anyone. "I was closer to Hoshi."
"What was he like?" Baltar asked.
"Gaeta?" Cally asked incredulously.
"No. Mr. Hoshi." Unwillingly, Cally turned to look at Baltar, and to her mild surprise, he looked like he was crying. "I never knew him."
"He was kind," Cally heard herself saying. "Gentle, but he could be… he was a soldier." She shook her head. "He was kind," she repeated.
"Did he love Felix?"
"Yes."
Baltar smiled. "You have no idea of how inexpressibly good it is to hear that," he said. "I know it can never make up for my own sins, but to know that God extended His hand in some way-"
"God didn't extend his hand," Cally cut Baltar off. "Hoshi did."
Baltar's smile turned patronizing. "And who prompted that?"
Aphrodite would have been Cally's response under normal circumstances. It wasn't that she couldn't see what Baltar was saying… it was that Baltar was saying it. She shook her head and stood up.
"I should go. I-"
"There's no reason to hurry away," Baltar said.
Cally pulled herself up. "I have no desire to join your… your cult," she said, gesturing around the empty room.
"I never labored under the illusion that you did," Baltar said. That stopped Cally, because for Gaius Baltar to admit that he wasn't wanted by someone in any capacity… Cally didn't know him well, but she knew that was unusual. He looked back up at the altar. "I don't know how we managed to save that flag. It was the one that we flew on Founder's Day, you know. On New Caprica."
"Really?" That caught Cally off-guard.
Baltar sighed. "I know that New Caprica was a disaster," he said. "I know that it brought grief for a lot of people, that it was a time of suffering and of pain. But before everything went wrong… I think he might have been happy there. Is that so impossible, to believe that someone might have been happy on New Caprica?"
Cally closed her eyes and bowed her head. "No," she whispered.
Baltar leaned forward and took her hand. A part of Cally wanted to pull away, but at the same time, she couldn't. This wasn't what she expected. "You and me, Galen and Felix… we've all got quite a bit in common, don't we? Quite a history? It amazes me, how God can constantly put us in each others' paths, use us for His purposes. And yet, He does. I remember you, begging me to save Galen, convinced he wasn't a Cylon. Blackmailing me, if I recall correctly." Baltar chuckled, and Cally couldn't help but look at him now. His hand was still on hers, but only lightly, and he was regarding her with a sort of affection. "And now, here we are."
"Here we are."
"At the end of the world, there isn’t much we can offer each other," Baltar said. "In fact, after Earth, I thought there was nothing. Bitterness, pain, anger… our fathers have turned their backs on us, and left us floundering. But there is one thing left, one powerful, meaningful gift. Forgiveness."
"Forgiveness?" Cally nearly spit out the word. "Like, let it all go back to what it was forgiveness? Say you're sorry and I can love you again forgiveness? None of it matters, let's forget it all and just forgive each other?"
Baltar shook his head and laid his other hand over Cally's, turning towards her earnestly. "That's not forgiveness, Cally," he said, and his eyes burned. "Forgiveness- real forgiveness- is when we have every reason to hate and despise each other. It's when we've hurt each other in unforgivable ways, and yet… we can still wish each other well. It is a gift, Cally, a true gift, to give that forgiveness."
"And you're saying I should forgive you," Cally said dryly, "for New Caprica."
"No." Baltar smiled sadly. "I'm saying that the greatest gift I ever received was the night before Felix died, when he sat with me and he forgave me for everything. I'm not trying to coerce anything from you. I'm just telling you, because it's all I have left to share."
Something in her was waving wildly, like a reed in the wind, threatening to break. Cally looked down so Baltar wouldn't see how close she was to crying. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"That's entirely up to you," Baltar said.
***
That night she rocked Nicky as he cuddled against her shoulder. His skin was damp where his hair curled on his neck, and his hands clutched her shirt. The room was silent except for his snuffling and her soft whispers.
She hadn't spoken to Galen- really spoken to him- since he'd found her in the brig. Tonight, she wondered what she'd say if he was here.
***
"Watch out! He's coming in hot!"
The Viper bounced against the floor, skidding and showering the side of the landing bay with sparks. Cally's heart was in her throat, even as she was sprinting over before she was called, grabbing tools as she ran. "Who is it?" someone asked.
"Hot Dog," was the answer.
"Frak."
The Viper skidded across the bay, crashing against the wall. The wing was severely damaged, blackened and part of it torn away. All around them, other Vipers were landing as well. Cally braced automatically and felt the jump as Galactica got away.
"How is he?" Starbuck was out of her Viper, hovering over their shoulders.
"Get back and let us work," Galen growled. He didn't even glance around. "Cally! You here?"
"I'm here, Chief," she said.
"Get the-"
"I've already got it," she said, pushing the cutters into his hands and putting the goggles onto his head.
He spared two seconds for a look back at her, and then began to cut into the Viper's frame as Cally wired the pump as fast as he could. "Get ready to pull it back," he said as she hoisted herself up onto the good wing. "It looks like it's just the wing, but we'd better be ready for an electrical malfunction."
Cally nodded and held her breath, and gripped the wing. Inside, she could see Hot Dog. His eyes were closed and he was definitely out, but there was something about his face…
"Get a medic!" someone was calling, but Cally barely heard it. Instead, she watched Chief for his signal.
"All right, Cally," he said. "Pull!"
There was the creaking of bending metal, and Cally pulled as hard as she could. "All right," Galen gasped. "Can you squirm in there and hit the release?"
Cally nodded and pulled herself up and over into the cockpit. As she did, she noticed the burns on Hot Dog's arm, and the blood trickling down his Viper suit. She hit the button, but the harness didn't release. "Hand me a knife or something," she shouted. One was slapped into her hand, and she sawed furiously through the straps. Then she pulled herself out, jumping away so the medics could get in.
"Is he alive?" Galen asked anxiously.
Cally nodded. "I think so. Blood was flowing."
Galen grabbed her arm and pulled her back as the medics eased Hot Dog out of the cockpit and onto a stretcher. Cally watched, heart in her throat. "Frak," she said, as they tore into the suit and hooked an IV right into his arm. She turned away and looked at the Viper, but it didn't really help to ease the feeling in her stomach.
Galen nodded. The medics wheeled Hot Dog away, and he clapped his hands. "All right, people. Let's get this deck back in shape!" Cally started away, but Galen caught her. "Help me with this one?"
"Yes, sir," Cally said.
"We’re gonna have to scrap it," Galen said with a sigh. "Let's sort out what we can use and what we can't."
Cally nodded. It was a job that would take hours, but it was far better than sweeping corridors or shoveling sewage. Like she had a choice anyway. She went to get her tools.
***
"Hot Dog's out of surgery," she heard Starbuck tell Galen. She didn't look at Cally at all. "Cottle thinks he'll be okay."
"How long is he going to be down?" Galen asked.
"Doc's not sure. He'll have a better idea in a few days. But I'd say you've got a while before you need to get him into another Viper." Starbuck tried to sound casual, but the worry was clear on her face. Cally pressed her lips together and looked away, carefully trying to pull out the communications console.
"How's it going?" Galen asked her, sliding down beside her.
"All right," Cally said. She glanced at her watch. "I need to report to sewage in twenty minutes, though."
"No, you don't. I told Tigh I need you down here. You're covered there, and working a double here."
"Yes, sir." Cally wiped her hair off her face, leaving a streak of grease. She sighed, and then went back to the communications console. The wiring was tricky under the best of circumstances, and having it all fused together only made it near-impossible.
"I saw you at the funeral the other day," Galen said suddenly.
"Which funeral?" Cally muttered, but she knew. For all that it felt like funerals were a regular occurrence, there was only one that Galen had meant.
"You were talking to Baltar for a long time," Galen said.
Cally glanced up at him. "That a problem, sir?"
"I wasn't following you," Galen said, in answer to the unspoken accusation. "I was actually waiting for Baltar."
"Oh."
"What did you think?"
"What did I think?" Cally repeated.
"You know I want to take Nicky to one of Baltar's services."
"Oh." She sighed. "Do I even have a say anymore, after the mutiny?"
Galen's face hardened a bit. "You might not have rank anymore, but you're still Nicky's mother. That doesn't change, Cally, and you know it."
She did. But the truth was she was tired. She waved her hand. "Fine," she conceded. "Take him."
"Cally-"
"I'm serious, Galen. Take him. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to…" she stared down at the wires until they blurred in her sight. "I just want to fix this."
Galen was silent for a long time. "Yeah," he finally said. "Same here."
***
It was extremely late when Cally got off duty, and yet she found herself creeping down to the infirmary anyway. The corridors were quiet, and the lights were low in the actual sickbay itself. Fortunately, no one seemed to be guarding the door, although Cally had the distinct impression that her presence was noticed here.
She heard a low, soft laugh and moved over quietly. Layne Ishay was sitting beside Hot Dog's bed, worry on her face, even as she smiled. She looked exhausted, and Hot Dog's right side was covered with bandages. A machine beeped, and an IV bag glistened in the light.
"So the bank manager looked into the bag. 'What is it?' Paddywack asked. 'It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan!'"
Ishay laughed. "That's absolutely terrible," she told Hot Dog. She glanced at her watch. "We've got two more hours before you can have- oh. Cally."
Ishay, Cally noticed, was the first person who didn't scowl at her. Cally relaxed a little. "I just wanted to drop by and see how Hot Dog was doing," she said. "But if you're busy-"
Ishay looked at Hot Dog and he tried to shake his head. "Not busy. You can stay," he said.
"Although I'll warn you, he's trying to distract himself by telling me every joke he can remember," Ishay said. She looked drawn and tired. Cally found herself smiling.
"If you want, I can stay with him and he can tell me the repertoire," Cally offered.
Ishay looked at Hot Dog, and he nodded. "That works," he said. He shifted, grimacing in pain. "You've got two hours," he warned Ishay.
"One hour and fifty-five minutes," Ishay said, smiling. "Buzz if you need anything, or if Cally needs to go." With that, Ishay ducked out of the cubicle.
Cally sat down in the deserted chair. "Jokes, huh?" she asked.
"Yeah. Ishay says two more hours before I can have more morpha." Hot Dog grimaced. "Thanks for coming down, by the way."
"I wanted to see how you were doing," Cally said lamely.
"Yeah. They told me you and Chief pulled me out. So thanks for that."
"You're welcome." Cally supposed she'd come over with the notion of saying something more, something about how Hot Dog was one of the few that had had something decent to say to her since the mutiny. But as she watched him trying to pretend he wasn’t in pain, she decided not to say any of it.
For the next two hours, she listened to Hot Dog tell joke after joke. Over half of them were dirty, two thirds of them were bad, and all of them were told through gritted teeth and increasing pain. At one point, he grabbed her hand, and he didn’t let go for the last half-hour. Cally hadn't intended to stay this long, but after seeing what he was going through, there was no way she could leave.
Finally, Ishay entered the cubicle with a small syringe and injected it into the IV. It took another two minutes, tops, for Hot Dog to pass out.
"He'll be out for a while," Ishay said kindly. "You might want to go get some sleep, Specialist."
"It's crewman," Cally said with a wry smirk, standing up and stretching. "Didn't you hear?"
"I heard. And as far as I'm concerned, it's still Specialist, at least when it's you and me." Ishay raised an eyebrow, and Cally wondered just how much she'd been in on the mutiny herself. She wondered if Ishay knew that she'd betrayed the mutiny as well. She rubbed her forehead.
"Will Hot Dog be okay?" she asked.
Ishay sighed, looking at the pilot's inert form. "I hope so," she said. "He's not going to die from the injuries, but there's still a very serious risk of infection. Are you two close?"
Cally shook her head. "Not at all. I just was there when his Viper landed, and…" she shrugged.
"Well, it was good of you to come by. No one else has really visited. Not for long, anyway." Ishay made a face. "I guess most of his friends are dead. I guess most of everyone's friends are dead," she added.
"Yeah," Cally agreed. "Guess so."
***
It was Kat that was heavy on Cally's mind the next day as she stood in the door of the mess hall. Kat, chasing Hot Dog through the hangar deck and knocking over a bucket of tools, laughing as Galen shouted at them to get their asses back and clean it up.
She took a deep breath, and walked over to where Dee was sitting, eating alone.
"Can I join you?"
Dee looked up, and narrowed her eyes, and for a long moment Cally thought she was going to tell her to frak off. But she shrugged and went back to her food. "Can't stop you," she said.
"Thanks," Cally said, sitting. She breathed deeply, focusing on her food.
Dee stabbed at her algae. She seemed restless, and Cally tried to form the words she wanted to say. But her mouth was dry, and she couldn't swallow.
"You know what he told me?" Dee demanded, in for her what was an outburst. Cally looked up. Dee was staring fixedly down at her plate. "He told me that if people are upset, they should go through the proper channels. Can you image? He said that."
Cally forced the bite of algae down her throat. "He also played the inside man on New Caprica. I guess he learned there aren't always proper channels that are going to listen."
"He learned," Dee scoffed. "That's always been the problem. Long before the Cylons attacked. I'm not talking about Galactica. I'm talking about everything. And he never saw it. Never."
"Dee, I-"
"He protected me," Dee continued angrily. She glared at Cally. "What? You don't think I figured out that was what he was doing? I figured it out. If I'd tried to fight him, he would have had to kill me, and if I'd been his XO, Adama would have had to kill me. Of course, that didn't stop him from basically killing himself."
"I-"
"I understand why you did it, you know," Dee said. "I understand about Racetrack and Diana, too. But I don't understand why he did it. I don't understand why he…" she broke off, looking down at her plate, and it occurred to Cally that Dee had been sitting alone when she'd walked in. Dee might not have been in on the mutiny, but she and Felix had been so close, and surely people were wondering and angry….
She laid her fork down, trying to think of what to possibly say. Dee was still staring at her dishes, blinking rapidly. Cally reached out and took her hand. Dee's hand was cold in hers, but she didn't move it away.
"We could get out of here," Cally suggested softly.
"Where would we go?" Dee asked.
"The Memorial Hallway?" Cally said. "We could grieve them together."
Dee wiped at her eyes discreetly, and then took a deep breath and nodded. "Let's go," she sagreed.
***
"You know what the frak pisses me off the most?"
It was as if now that Cally and Dee were seen together, Danielle could see her. The words exploded out of Danielle as soon as they were relatively alone, trying to repair a toilet main.
"What pisses you off the most?" Cally asked, half dutifully and half cringing in anticipation of her response.
"You lied to me about Galen," Danielle informed her, angrily turning off the water with a twist of her wrench. "You had me thinking that the two of you were going for marital counseling. Marital counseling."
"Do you really think that Galen and I are ever going to be married again?" Cally asked.
"I thought you were going to work things out for Nicky. That even if you couldn't live together- which who am I to pass judgment on that?- you were going to at least be civil to each other. I thought you gave a shit about what Nicky needs, and Nicky needs both of you."
"Nicky has both of us," Cally said stiffly. "Do you need the snake?"
"Not yet. And he doesn't. He's got you and he's got Chief pretending around him that he's exactly who he used to be."
"So?"
"So, Nicky is half Cylon."
"Don't remind me," Cally muttered.
"No, I will, because you do need to be reminded," Danielle said angrily. She took the bolts out neatly. "Help me lift this." They both moved the base of the toilet aside. "Oh, gods, that's gross," Danielle sighed. "But it's not a different culture," she said, picking up the conversation smoothly, her voice returning to a strident tone. "It's not just different customs, because with forty thousand of us left, that's kind of bullshit. But it's a different make-up. I mean, there are things Nicky will probably be able to do that aren't physically possible for us, or any human. He needs Galen."
Cally scowled. "You're as bad as Hoshi was," she said.
"Yes, well Louis Hoshi was a very smart man when he wasn't blowing his brains out," Danielle snapped. "Really, could this smell any worse? We have got to find something better to eat than that algae."
The only reason Cally didn't snap back at Danielle was that she was too busy trying not to throw up. She pulled out a rag and tied it over her face. The rag helped, and she pulled on a thick pair of gloves before bending over the open toilet main.
"You know," Danielle said, sitting back and wiping her face, "you should talk to Athena and Helo or something."
"Are you okay?" Cally asked.
Danielle waved her hand. "The smell."
Cally bent herself over the main and grabbed the snake herself. "You're doing this to get back at me, aren't you?"
"No, it really was the smell, but now that you mention it, yes. Excellent idea. You fix the toilet main, and we're good again." But Danielle genuinely looked sick. Cally grit her teeth and bent over the job.
She was finally getting things flowing again when she spoke. "They won't talk to me."
"Who won't talk to you?" Danielle said. Her eyes were still closed, her head tipped back against the wall of the cubicle.
"Helo and Athena."
"Athena won't," Danielle agreed. "Helo will."
"Not after the mutiny."
"Sure he will. Helo's a big softie. Just cry and mention your son."
"You're cynical today."
"You're lucky I'm not puking on your shoes. Are you almost done?"
"Almost. The worst of the blockage is cleared. Looks like the valve's going." Cally reached down and swaged the part off. "I hope we brought duct tape."
"Funny." But Danielle pushed herself up, and the color was starting to return to her face as the smell lessened a bit. "Are you going to talk to Helo?"
"And form an I-married-a-Cylon support group?" Cally snorted and got up to clean the valve off in solvent so she could look at it better. She sighed. "I don't think talking to Helo's going to do me any good." She sighed and fingered the valve. "O-ring is in pieces. You know who I wish I could talk to? Of everyone in the world?"
"Hoshi?" Danielle guessed.
"No. Jammer."
Danielle made a face. "Jammer wouldn't have helped."
"Doesn't matter," Cally said, knowing she was perfectly right. "I just wish I could…" she shook her head. "Doesn't matter," she repeated. "Wishing doesn't change any of it." She fished an o-ring out of her kit and neatly fit it into the seating. "Talking to Helo about how great it is to be married to a Cylon isn't going to change it, either."
"'Surviving is the punishment for leaving things left unsaid,'" Danielle muttered, in the tone of a quotation.
Cally pretended not to hear her. She reassembled the valve and got back down on the floor. "Come on," she said, grabbing her wrench. "We're almost done, and then we can get out of here."
***
"Caroline," Cally began, catching her in the hall as a few Marines strolled by. "Look, do you have a minute?"
Caroline didn't even pretend not to ignore her. She just shook Cally's hand off and continued on her way.
Cally stared after her, telling herself not to dwell on it. That she'd made amends with Dee and Danielle, and that was more than she ever expected. At least Caroline was alive, and she'd have the chance someday.
Someday.
***
"So then, he says, I don't know, but it's on your left shoulder!"
Cally laughed, and then glanced at her watch. "I should go," she said.
"I know," Hot Dog said with a grimace. "Thanks for coming down."
"Sure," Cally said.
"Kind of surprised you do," Hot Dog said.
"Why?"
"From what you told me, the last time you made a new friend, he blew his brains out and his partner enlisted you in a mutiny."
Cally started at him. "I hadn't thought of it like that," she said coldly.
"Sorry," Hot Dog muttered, and he shifted uncomfortably, his good hand bracing his burnt arm. "I didn't really mean it. I just kind of know how you feel, with half the pilots I know over on the Astral Queen."
"Yeah," Cally relented. "Don't worry about it." She looked at her watch. "I'll come back tomorrow if I can, but I've got to get going."
"All right. Good luck."
"Thanks." She shot him one more harried smile and headed out of the infirmary and through the corridors.
The quickest route took her through the Memorial Hallway. Cally glanced at the walls as she passed, although she didn't have time to linger. But Hoshi's smile caught her eye, and she managed a tremulous little smile as she passed his picture. No matter what Hot Dog had said, that felt good.
She arrived at her destination just in time. Cally pushed through the people, amazed at just how many people were in the room. She looked around frantically. He had to be in here someplace.
And there he was. Across the room, Cally spotted Galen, Nicky perched on his lap as he sat waiting for the service to start. Their eyes met, and he waved, indicating the chair he had saved next to him. She squirmed her way over.
"You made it," he said, as Nicky reached out for her.
"I did." Cally touched Nicky's cheek. "I can't believe you talked me into this-"
"You don't have to come. I just wanted to take Nicky."
"I know." Cally sighed. "And I guess I ought to understand what you're teaching him. I am his mother, after all."
Galen smiled, but the smile faded fast. "I'm glad you came," he said.
"It doesn't mean anything," Cally warned him. "I'm not converting or anything."
"Didn't ask you to," he said. "But I'm still glad you came."
Cally opened her mouth to respond, but any answer was drowned out by Gaius Baltar taking the stage. She settled back, next to her son and her ex-husband, and listened to the former President of the Colonies begin to preach.
On to part 7