Someday [9]
Title: Someday
Beta: ohmahgodsun
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Humor, Drama
Summary: They were two souls meant to teach each other about how to love, and most importantly, how to live.
Birthday story for freakybiatch ♥
When Jaejoong showed up to the hospital the next morning, his mother stared at him blankly. He didn’t know what to say to her, and he was glad for the sound coming from the soap opera she was watching. Without it playing, they would’ve been enveloped in awkward silence. He sat in silence, and she ignored his presence.
“Do you want to keep going on like this?”
Yeonhee looked at her son, “When will you realize -“
“Tell me mother, what will I realize?” Jaejoong asked, the tiredness evident in his voice as he spoke. He shook his head and looked down at the pristine white linoleum flooring of his mother’s room, “I’m not going to hide what I am from you any longer.”
“Does he even love you?” Yeonhee insisted, “Has he taken care of you the way I have?”
Jaejoong could recall all the moments Yunho had taken time off rehearsals to spend with him, the times Yunho would whisper loving words to him for no reason in particular, and as he recalled all the things Yunho had done for him, he immediately knew what his answer would be.
He raised his eyes off the floor, and Jaejoong met his mother’s judgmental gaze.
“Yes mother, he loves me and he takes care of me,” he started slowly, trying to build up the confidence to say what was ringing so clearly in his mind. Jaejoong stood up from his chair and clenched his fists, “What you and I have is selfish and twisted, and neither of us have ended up happy…I don’t know what it is, but it’s not love. I’ve felt love…and I know now that all the years we spent in this fucked up state…it’s not love and it never will be.”
He bowed low to his mother, and when he looked up, she was staring at him with an unreadable expression.
Jaejoong swallowed hard and eased back on the pain and resentment that he’d built up over the years. He took in a deep breath and began to make his way out of the room, but just as he was about to step out, he held back and turned around.
“You’re still my mother…and you always will be, but…” he shook his head sadly, “I can’t play this game with you any longer.”
His mother said absolutely nothing, and Jaejoong turned his back on her and left - he had nothing more to say to her, and it was obvious that she had nothing that she wanted to say to him.
They had both finally realized what they were to each other - they were anything but family - they were strangers.
o-o-o
Jaejoong pressed the button, and he watched as the screen loaded into the next page that signaled that his email had been sent.
He had officially dropped out of university.
To be honest, he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. Perhaps dropping out was a drastic measure, but he just couldn’t go on. If he were to just change course despite his mother’s intense disapproval, he knew it would be shameless on his part, and he didn’t have enough money of his own to fund his own schooling at such an expensive and prestigious university. He would just have to find some other way to live his life the way he wanted to.
Jaejoong let out a deep sigh and ran his hands through his hair slowly, unsure of what to do at that moment. He had so many uncertainties and insecurities, and no matter how much he wanted them to go away, they refused to leave.
The front door opened, and Jaejoong turned his head to see Yunho come in.
When Yunho smiled, Jaejoong felt a distinct pang in his chest. His mind immediately raced to what he’d heard the previous night, and his smile faltered as Yunho took off his jacket and threw it casually onto the arm of the sofa.
“How’s your mom?”
Jaejoong looked away and turned his eyes back to the television. He thought about his words carefully, and after he’d selected them, he replied, “She’s okay. The doctor told me that she should be out sometime soon…”
“That’s good,” Yunho said as he slung his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulder, “It’ll be easier for you to talk to her if she’s healthier. You’ll feel less guilty about telling her about how you feel.”
He nodded and inched closer to Yunho. Jaejoong placed his head against Yunho’s chest, and he held his boyfriend tightly. The warmth of Yunho’s body against his was indescribably comforting, and he wanted nothing more than for them to simply stay like this. He pulled Yunho closer and kissed him softly, searching for more of that intoxicating sense of security that he provided.
“Jaejoong,” Yunho whispered discouragingly as Jaejoong began to unbuckle his belt. He took hold of Jaejoong’s hands and looked up at him, “Are you sure -“
Jaejoong kissed him softly, and when he pulled away, spoke, “I’m sure.” He cupped Yunho’s face, “I’m okay,” he whispered as his hands moved down to grip the fabric of Yunho’s shirt, “I just…I just want -“
“It’s not healthy to use sex as a way to forget your problems,” Yunho murmured as he felt Jaejoong begin to tug at his shirt, “It’s not -“
“This isn’t a way to forget,” Jaejoong replied as he felt his throat tighten from the emotions he was feeling - from the reminder that Yunho would be leaving, “I just want to remember you.”
He kissed Yunho again, and this time Yunho reciprocated the kiss. They began to pull at each other’s clothing, gently and lovingly. Jaejoong mapped Yunho’s body with his touches, desperate to remember everything about him. He didn’t know if Yunho could feel how much he felt, but he noticed that Yunho was holding him as if he were fragile - like he would break at any time.
“Let’s go to bed,” Yunho whispered as he led Jaejoong off the sofa and brought him inside his bedroom.
He pinned Jaejoong’s body against the mattress, and Jaejoong moaned softly as Yunho began to kiss his way all over his chest. He could feel his body melting beneath Yunho’s skillful touches, and when Yunho began to prep him, the waves of pleasure consumed him almost entirely, clouding his senses.
“I love you,” Jaejoong said softly as Yunho entered him.
He clung onto Yunho tightly, his nails digging into the other man’s back as Yunho’s cock began to thrust slowly into him. Yunho whispered back loving words with each thrust, and Jaejoong cried out in pleasure each time. The mix of pleasure with his tumultuous emotions made everything all the more overwhelming, and as Jaejoong felt himself nearing his peak, he didn’t want it to end.
But like all things, it did end. Jaejoong moaned with pleasure when his climax came, and Yunho followed not too long after. Their steady pants broke the silence in the room, and as Jaejoong reached out to nuzzle Yunho, his heart refused to stop pounding so quickly.
“I love you too,” Yunho murmured, and Jaejoong kissed his cheek in reply.
He watched Yunho go to sleep, his heart filled with love and sadness.
o-o-o
When Jaejoong woke up, he felt like crying. He looked over at Yunho’s sleeping figure, and he was reminded of that first morning with Yunho - when he was just as clueless about the future and still unaware of how much Yunho would come to mean to him. The same amount of confusion flooded his senses, and he didn’t know what to do when that same feeling from months ago crept back into his mind.
He didn’t belong in the world that Yunho lived in.
Jaejoong sat up and drew his knees close to his chest, hoping the action wouldn’t wake up Yunho. He rested his chin on his knees and looked at Yunho, his hands itching to touch him once again despite his inner turmoil.
It was all too clear now - he tied Yunho down with his problems, and he held him back with his fears. Perhaps it was noble idiocy, but he couldn’t live with himself knowing that the reason Yunho hadn’t been able able to achieve his dreams would be because of a selfless desire to take care of Jaejoong. They couldn’t go on like this - Jaejoong was sure of it. If they did, they’d probably just end up like his parents, and he never wanted to become like his mother.
Yunho stirred, and Jaejoong’s heart pounded in his chest.
His eyes fluttered open, and Jaejoong smiled sadly. Yunho blinked at him sleepily, and he slowly moved to get out of the bed.
“Where are you going?” Jaejoong asked softly as he watched Yunho walk over to some corner of the room.
Yunho didn’t respond and put on his boxers before he picked up his guitar and walked back to the bed. He sat down cross legged and smiled at Jaejoong handsomely, the sunlight that crept through the window illuminating his face perfectly.
“I have another song,” he said slowly as he began to strum the instrument, “But I don’t have any lyrics yet. I was thinking you could help me with them.”
Jaejoong shook his head and tried to hide his smile, “I can’t write lyrics. I might end up…I might end up ruining your career,” he said softly, his facial expression turning somber. “I might ruin it before it even starts.”
A frown crossed Yunho’s face, “You can’t say that.”
Before Jaejoong could reply, Yunho’s phone began to ring. He placed the guitar down carefully onto the bed and got up to retrieve his phone from his pants. Jaejoong watched as Yunho glanced down at his phone before promptly walking out of the room to speak to whoever had called - Jaejoong suspected it was Changmin. He waited silently and stared down at the bed sheets, but when Yunho came back, he raised his head and looked up at him.
There was a hint of tiredness on his features, and Jaejoong’s heart clenched in his chest when he saw it.
“What’s wrong?”
Yunho forced a smile, “Just Changmin, we were talking about what’s going to happen to us and the label. I was thinking that maybe we should -“
“You should go to Japan Yunho,” Jaejoong said softly, his heart pounding in his chest and his voice wavering. “I…I’m sure that your label knows what’s best for you guys, and you’ve been waiting for so long -“
There was silence in the room for a few seconds before Yunho spoke up. “How…how did you know?”
Jaejoong bit his lip and averted his eyes. “I head you speaking with Changmin about it.”
Yunho made his way to the bed quickly and turned Jaejoong’s shoulders so that they would be face to face. “I don’t need to leave, okay? I’ll talk to the management, and who knows, maybe they’ll -“
Jaejoong shook his head and smiled sadly.
“No Yunho, I doubt…I doubt it -“
“I’ll call them now,” Yunho said as he moved away from Jaejoong. “I’ll talk to them, and I’m sure that -“
“You can’t - you just got signed to the label…it won’t look good for you guys.”
Yunho stopped in his tracks and stared at Jaejoong, his eyes softening. He looked at Jaejoong helplessly, and Jaejoong could feel the guilt twisting in his stomach and the difficulty of his decision weighing upon his chest. Yet despite all that, something told him that he was doing the right thing.
“So what do we do now?” Yunho asked hollowly, his face almost entirely devoid of any sort of emotion, “Are you breaking up with me?”
“I just want you to leave,” Jaejoong murmured. “You’ve done so much for me Yunho…I can’t just let you stay and ruin this opportunity. It wouldn’t be…it wouldn’t be responsible for you to just push everything away for me. There’s so much on the line not just for you…but for your bandmates as well. I’m not the only person that needs you Yunho. They need you too.”
When he raised his eyes to look at Yunho, he could feel the tears threatening to spillover, “You need to go.”
“But, but what about you? I don’t want to just leave you like this. Your mother’s still sick, and you’re not sure of what you’re going to do just yet, why don’t just come -“
Jaejoong swallowed hard. Leaving with Yunho would be perfect - he would escape from his mother completely and leave everything behind, but it would also mean he would be running away from everything…again. He was so tired of running and so tired of clinging onto Yunho for protection from everything.
“I can’t, I’m sorry…” Jaejoong whispered, “I can’t go…I can’t go just yet. I’m sorry for always needing you to understand everything I do. I’m sorry -“
“Don’t say sorry.”
Jaejoong shook his head, “I don’t know what to say,” he rambled, as his voice wavered in volume, “I’m…I’m - I wish I could go, but I’m so tired of running Yunho. I can’t…I can’t just escape everything right now. I need to fix things -“
“I understand.”
Their eyes met, and Jaejoong’s heart clenched painfully in his chest as he looked at Yunho. A sad smile was fixed on his face, and he looked as tired and as worn out as Jaejoong did.
He felt like Yunho had more to say, that Yunho wanted to try to convince him to go, but just like how he’d always been, Yunho refused to push him into anything. It hurt Jaejoong to know that he was turning Yunho down, but he knew that there were more important things at hand that they had to focus on. As much as he wanted to drop everything - his problems with his mother, his problems with his future, and all the other things, he just couldn’t, and he knew he couldn’t let Yunho drop everything for him either.
“If…if I go…I’m leaving this Saturday,” Yunho said softly, “That’s…two days from now.”
Jaejoong felt his heart fall, but he kept his reserve. The thought of Yunho being so far away was intimidating, but he knew that things would turn better out if Yunho left. Yunho was too selfless, and Jaejoong knew that Yunho would give everything in the world if he wanted it, but he didn’t want everything.
What he wanted was for Yunho to reach his dreams and everything that he’d been working so hard for, and Yunho couldn’t achieve that if he stayed in Seoul. He’d gotten a rare opportunity presented to him, and it would be a waste if he threw it away.
Jaejoong said nothing, and as Yunho crawled back into bed to clutch him tightly, all he could do was hold him in return. Two days was so close, but perhaps it would be better for a swift and easy goodbye rather than an overly dramatic and drawn out one.
His thoughts scattered when Yunho kissed him, and he shut his eyes tightly as the tears escaped and rolled down his cheeks. In one small action, he was reminded all over again of why he loved Yunho.
“We’ll be okay,” Jaejoong whispered as he opened his eyes to look at Yunho firmly. He swallowed hard and ran his hands through Yunho’s hair, “Do you trust me?”
“Of course,” Yunho whispered back before he leaned forward and kissed Jaejoong so deeply that for a few seconds it was like there was nothing else in the world that mattered except for the fact that they loved each other.
o-o-o
“You can stay here while I’m away,” Yunho said softly as he packed his things into his bags, “…or I don’t know, your mother’s paying for your rent right? Both of you can move in here, I’m sure the rent’s cheaper…”
Jaejoong nodded from where he was standing, “I’ll talk to Junsu about it,” he said softly as he watched Yunho zip up his bag. As soon as the bag was zipped up, silence fell between them. Yunho straightened up and turned around, and Jaejoong could feel his heart seize up in his chest.
Yunho was leaving.
The silence was cut off by the sound of Yunho’s phone ringing, and Jaejoong watched as Yunho answered the call. Yunho hung up, and he turned to Jaejoong with a sad smile on his lips.
“The taxi’s there…”
Jaejoong couldn’t think of what to say to Yunho. It was so hard to breathe, and his mind was beyond saving - all he could think of was that Yunho was leaving. He was leaving, and he would be gone for God knows how long. He would then be left alone without him after months of needing and loving Yunho like he was an extension of himself.
“I wish I could go,” Jaejoong whispered softly, his voice thick with emotion. “But…but I can’t, and I wish that I…I wish I was strong enough to just leave everything -“
Yunho dropped his bags and immediately took Jaejoong into his arms. Jaejoong breathed in the scent of Yunho’s cologne, his soap, his everything, and he began to break down. He buried his face into Yunho’s neck and cried, his heart tearing in two at the thought of Yunho leaving him and at the thought of all the difficulties he’d be facing without Yunho at his side. He had no clue how he would repair his relationship with his mother, and how he would try to find something to do with his life - it was like all he knew was Yunho.
“Just let me stay with you,” Yunho muttered as he held Jaejoong so tightly that Jaejoong felt like he could break underneath the strength of his grip, “I’ll stay if you just ask me to, please, I don’t want you to be alone -“
Jaejoong inched away from Yunho and raised his teary eyes to look up at him, “I’m not alone,” he whispered, his voice breaking, “I have Junsu…and even, even though we’ll be miles apart, I’ll always have you, right?”
“Please don’t -“
“We’ll be together again, someday,” Jaejoong whispered as he cupped Yunho’s face and tried to reassure the man that had kept him together for so long, “I promise. I know there will be a time when things are better for me, when things are better for you, and when things are finally falling into place like they should be…I know that day will come. You taught me to be strong, you’ve been my strength, and now I’ll be your strength too, even though we’ll be apart.”
Yunho kissed him deeply, and Jaejoong immediately relaxed in the other man’s touch. The kiss was desperate and filled with longing, and when they broke apart, tears were running down their cheeks. Jaejoong pressed their foreheads together, and he breathed in deeply before he spoke, “This isn’t the end.”
It took a few more minutes and a few more kisses before Yunho finally broke away. He shot one last longing filled look at Jaejoong before he opened the door and left. As soon as he was gone, Jaejoong crumpled down onto the floor and let his tears run down his cheeks without reservation.
Although his heart was breaking, he would hold onto his belief that someday things would one day fall perfectly into place.
< >
Author’s Note: So…this long journey is almost over! The next chapter should be the last. Will Yunho and Jaejoong meet up again? Or will the last chapter end with them breaking up? o.O You all will just have to see. ^^ I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter (or at least, don’t want to kill me for continuing with the angst & drama D: ), and as usual, thank you so much for all the lovely comments! Hopefully I can finish this story soon! ♥
Beta: ohmahgodsun
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Humor, Drama
Summary: They were two souls meant to teach each other about how to love, and most importantly, how to live.
Birthday story for freakybiatch ♥
When Jaejoong showed up to the hospital the next morning, his mother stared at him blankly. He didn’t know what to say to her, and he was glad for the sound coming from the soap opera she was watching. Without it playing, they would’ve been enveloped in awkward silence. He sat in silence, and she ignored his presence.
“Do you want to keep going on like this?”
Yeonhee looked at her son, “When will you realize -“
“Tell me mother, what will I realize?” Jaejoong asked, the tiredness evident in his voice as he spoke. He shook his head and looked down at the pristine white linoleum flooring of his mother’s room, “I’m not going to hide what I am from you any longer.”
“Does he even love you?” Yeonhee insisted, “Has he taken care of you the way I have?”
Jaejoong could recall all the moments Yunho had taken time off rehearsals to spend with him, the times Yunho would whisper loving words to him for no reason in particular, and as he recalled all the things Yunho had done for him, he immediately knew what his answer would be.
He raised his eyes off the floor, and Jaejoong met his mother’s judgmental gaze.
“Yes mother, he loves me and he takes care of me,” he started slowly, trying to build up the confidence to say what was ringing so clearly in his mind. Jaejoong stood up from his chair and clenched his fists, “What you and I have is selfish and twisted, and neither of us have ended up happy…I don’t know what it is, but it’s not love. I’ve felt love…and I know now that all the years we spent in this fucked up state…it’s not love and it never will be.”
He bowed low to his mother, and when he looked up, she was staring at him with an unreadable expression.
Jaejoong swallowed hard and eased back on the pain and resentment that he’d built up over the years. He took in a deep breath and began to make his way out of the room, but just as he was about to step out, he held back and turned around.
“You’re still my mother…and you always will be, but…” he shook his head sadly, “I can’t play this game with you any longer.”
His mother said absolutely nothing, and Jaejoong turned his back on her and left - he had nothing more to say to her, and it was obvious that she had nothing that she wanted to say to him.
They had both finally realized what they were to each other - they were anything but family - they were strangers.
o-o-o
Jaejoong pressed the button, and he watched as the screen loaded into the next page that signaled that his email had been sent.
He had officially dropped out of university.
To be honest, he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. Perhaps dropping out was a drastic measure, but he just couldn’t go on. If he were to just change course despite his mother’s intense disapproval, he knew it would be shameless on his part, and he didn’t have enough money of his own to fund his own schooling at such an expensive and prestigious university. He would just have to find some other way to live his life the way he wanted to.
Jaejoong let out a deep sigh and ran his hands through his hair slowly, unsure of what to do at that moment. He had so many uncertainties and insecurities, and no matter how much he wanted them to go away, they refused to leave.
The front door opened, and Jaejoong turned his head to see Yunho come in.
When Yunho smiled, Jaejoong felt a distinct pang in his chest. His mind immediately raced to what he’d heard the previous night, and his smile faltered as Yunho took off his jacket and threw it casually onto the arm of the sofa.
“How’s your mom?”
Jaejoong looked away and turned his eyes back to the television. He thought about his words carefully, and after he’d selected them, he replied, “She’s okay. The doctor told me that she should be out sometime soon…”
“That’s good,” Yunho said as he slung his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulder, “It’ll be easier for you to talk to her if she’s healthier. You’ll feel less guilty about telling her about how you feel.”
He nodded and inched closer to Yunho. Jaejoong placed his head against Yunho’s chest, and he held his boyfriend tightly. The warmth of Yunho’s body against his was indescribably comforting, and he wanted nothing more than for them to simply stay like this. He pulled Yunho closer and kissed him softly, searching for more of that intoxicating sense of security that he provided.
“Jaejoong,” Yunho whispered discouragingly as Jaejoong began to unbuckle his belt. He took hold of Jaejoong’s hands and looked up at him, “Are you sure -“
Jaejoong kissed him softly, and when he pulled away, spoke, “I’m sure.” He cupped Yunho’s face, “I’m okay,” he whispered as his hands moved down to grip the fabric of Yunho’s shirt, “I just…I just want -“
“It’s not healthy to use sex as a way to forget your problems,” Yunho murmured as he felt Jaejoong begin to tug at his shirt, “It’s not -“
“This isn’t a way to forget,” Jaejoong replied as he felt his throat tighten from the emotions he was feeling - from the reminder that Yunho would be leaving, “I just want to remember you.”
He kissed Yunho again, and this time Yunho reciprocated the kiss. They began to pull at each other’s clothing, gently and lovingly. Jaejoong mapped Yunho’s body with his touches, desperate to remember everything about him. He didn’t know if Yunho could feel how much he felt, but he noticed that Yunho was holding him as if he were fragile - like he would break at any time.
“Let’s go to bed,” Yunho whispered as he led Jaejoong off the sofa and brought him inside his bedroom.
He pinned Jaejoong’s body against the mattress, and Jaejoong moaned softly as Yunho began to kiss his way all over his chest. He could feel his body melting beneath Yunho’s skillful touches, and when Yunho began to prep him, the waves of pleasure consumed him almost entirely, clouding his senses.
“I love you,” Jaejoong said softly as Yunho entered him.
He clung onto Yunho tightly, his nails digging into the other man’s back as Yunho’s cock began to thrust slowly into him. Yunho whispered back loving words with each thrust, and Jaejoong cried out in pleasure each time. The mix of pleasure with his tumultuous emotions made everything all the more overwhelming, and as Jaejoong felt himself nearing his peak, he didn’t want it to end.
But like all things, it did end. Jaejoong moaned with pleasure when his climax came, and Yunho followed not too long after. Their steady pants broke the silence in the room, and as Jaejoong reached out to nuzzle Yunho, his heart refused to stop pounding so quickly.
“I love you too,” Yunho murmured, and Jaejoong kissed his cheek in reply.
He watched Yunho go to sleep, his heart filled with love and sadness.
o-o-o
When Jaejoong woke up, he felt like crying. He looked over at Yunho’s sleeping figure, and he was reminded of that first morning with Yunho - when he was just as clueless about the future and still unaware of how much Yunho would come to mean to him. The same amount of confusion flooded his senses, and he didn’t know what to do when that same feeling from months ago crept back into his mind.
He didn’t belong in the world that Yunho lived in.
Jaejoong sat up and drew his knees close to his chest, hoping the action wouldn’t wake up Yunho. He rested his chin on his knees and looked at Yunho, his hands itching to touch him once again despite his inner turmoil.
It was all too clear now - he tied Yunho down with his problems, and he held him back with his fears. Perhaps it was noble idiocy, but he couldn’t live with himself knowing that the reason Yunho hadn’t been able able to achieve his dreams would be because of a selfless desire to take care of Jaejoong. They couldn’t go on like this - Jaejoong was sure of it. If they did, they’d probably just end up like his parents, and he never wanted to become like his mother.
Yunho stirred, and Jaejoong’s heart pounded in his chest.
His eyes fluttered open, and Jaejoong smiled sadly. Yunho blinked at him sleepily, and he slowly moved to get out of the bed.
“Where are you going?” Jaejoong asked softly as he watched Yunho walk over to some corner of the room.
Yunho didn’t respond and put on his boxers before he picked up his guitar and walked back to the bed. He sat down cross legged and smiled at Jaejoong handsomely, the sunlight that crept through the window illuminating his face perfectly.
“I have another song,” he said slowly as he began to strum the instrument, “But I don’t have any lyrics yet. I was thinking you could help me with them.”
Jaejoong shook his head and tried to hide his smile, “I can’t write lyrics. I might end up…I might end up ruining your career,” he said softly, his facial expression turning somber. “I might ruin it before it even starts.”
A frown crossed Yunho’s face, “You can’t say that.”
Before Jaejoong could reply, Yunho’s phone began to ring. He placed the guitar down carefully onto the bed and got up to retrieve his phone from his pants. Jaejoong watched as Yunho glanced down at his phone before promptly walking out of the room to speak to whoever had called - Jaejoong suspected it was Changmin. He waited silently and stared down at the bed sheets, but when Yunho came back, he raised his head and looked up at him.
There was a hint of tiredness on his features, and Jaejoong’s heart clenched in his chest when he saw it.
“What’s wrong?”
Yunho forced a smile, “Just Changmin, we were talking about what’s going to happen to us and the label. I was thinking that maybe we should -“
“You should go to Japan Yunho,” Jaejoong said softly, his heart pounding in his chest and his voice wavering. “I…I’m sure that your label knows what’s best for you guys, and you’ve been waiting for so long -“
There was silence in the room for a few seconds before Yunho spoke up. “How…how did you know?”
Jaejoong bit his lip and averted his eyes. “I head you speaking with Changmin about it.”
Yunho made his way to the bed quickly and turned Jaejoong’s shoulders so that they would be face to face. “I don’t need to leave, okay? I’ll talk to the management, and who knows, maybe they’ll -“
Jaejoong shook his head and smiled sadly.
“No Yunho, I doubt…I doubt it -“
“I’ll call them now,” Yunho said as he moved away from Jaejoong. “I’ll talk to them, and I’m sure that -“
“You can’t - you just got signed to the label…it won’t look good for you guys.”
Yunho stopped in his tracks and stared at Jaejoong, his eyes softening. He looked at Jaejoong helplessly, and Jaejoong could feel the guilt twisting in his stomach and the difficulty of his decision weighing upon his chest. Yet despite all that, something told him that he was doing the right thing.
“So what do we do now?” Yunho asked hollowly, his face almost entirely devoid of any sort of emotion, “Are you breaking up with me?”
“I just want you to leave,” Jaejoong murmured. “You’ve done so much for me Yunho…I can’t just let you stay and ruin this opportunity. It wouldn’t be…it wouldn’t be responsible for you to just push everything away for me. There’s so much on the line not just for you…but for your bandmates as well. I’m not the only person that needs you Yunho. They need you too.”
When he raised his eyes to look at Yunho, he could feel the tears threatening to spillover, “You need to go.”
“But, but what about you? I don’t want to just leave you like this. Your mother’s still sick, and you’re not sure of what you’re going to do just yet, why don’t just come -“
Jaejoong swallowed hard. Leaving with Yunho would be perfect - he would escape from his mother completely and leave everything behind, but it would also mean he would be running away from everything…again. He was so tired of running and so tired of clinging onto Yunho for protection from everything.
“I can’t, I’m sorry…” Jaejoong whispered, “I can’t go…I can’t go just yet. I’m sorry for always needing you to understand everything I do. I’m sorry -“
“Don’t say sorry.”
Jaejoong shook his head, “I don’t know what to say,” he rambled, as his voice wavered in volume, “I’m…I’m - I wish I could go, but I’m so tired of running Yunho. I can’t…I can’t just escape everything right now. I need to fix things -“
“I understand.”
Their eyes met, and Jaejoong’s heart clenched painfully in his chest as he looked at Yunho. A sad smile was fixed on his face, and he looked as tired and as worn out as Jaejoong did.
He felt like Yunho had more to say, that Yunho wanted to try to convince him to go, but just like how he’d always been, Yunho refused to push him into anything. It hurt Jaejoong to know that he was turning Yunho down, but he knew that there were more important things at hand that they had to focus on. As much as he wanted to drop everything - his problems with his mother, his problems with his future, and all the other things, he just couldn’t, and he knew he couldn’t let Yunho drop everything for him either.
“If…if I go…I’m leaving this Saturday,” Yunho said softly, “That’s…two days from now.”
Jaejoong felt his heart fall, but he kept his reserve. The thought of Yunho being so far away was intimidating, but he knew that things would turn better out if Yunho left. Yunho was too selfless, and Jaejoong knew that Yunho would give everything in the world if he wanted it, but he didn’t want everything.
What he wanted was for Yunho to reach his dreams and everything that he’d been working so hard for, and Yunho couldn’t achieve that if he stayed in Seoul. He’d gotten a rare opportunity presented to him, and it would be a waste if he threw it away.
Jaejoong said nothing, and as Yunho crawled back into bed to clutch him tightly, all he could do was hold him in return. Two days was so close, but perhaps it would be better for a swift and easy goodbye rather than an overly dramatic and drawn out one.
His thoughts scattered when Yunho kissed him, and he shut his eyes tightly as the tears escaped and rolled down his cheeks. In one small action, he was reminded all over again of why he loved Yunho.
“We’ll be okay,” Jaejoong whispered as he opened his eyes to look at Yunho firmly. He swallowed hard and ran his hands through Yunho’s hair, “Do you trust me?”
“Of course,” Yunho whispered back before he leaned forward and kissed Jaejoong so deeply that for a few seconds it was like there was nothing else in the world that mattered except for the fact that they loved each other.
o-o-o
“You can stay here while I’m away,” Yunho said softly as he packed his things into his bags, “…or I don’t know, your mother’s paying for your rent right? Both of you can move in here, I’m sure the rent’s cheaper…”
Jaejoong nodded from where he was standing, “I’ll talk to Junsu about it,” he said softly as he watched Yunho zip up his bag. As soon as the bag was zipped up, silence fell between them. Yunho straightened up and turned around, and Jaejoong could feel his heart seize up in his chest.
Yunho was leaving.
The silence was cut off by the sound of Yunho’s phone ringing, and Jaejoong watched as Yunho answered the call. Yunho hung up, and he turned to Jaejoong with a sad smile on his lips.
“The taxi’s there…”
Jaejoong couldn’t think of what to say to Yunho. It was so hard to breathe, and his mind was beyond saving - all he could think of was that Yunho was leaving. He was leaving, and he would be gone for God knows how long. He would then be left alone without him after months of needing and loving Yunho like he was an extension of himself.
“I wish I could go,” Jaejoong whispered softly, his voice thick with emotion. “But…but I can’t, and I wish that I…I wish I was strong enough to just leave everything -“
Yunho dropped his bags and immediately took Jaejoong into his arms. Jaejoong breathed in the scent of Yunho’s cologne, his soap, his everything, and he began to break down. He buried his face into Yunho’s neck and cried, his heart tearing in two at the thought of Yunho leaving him and at the thought of all the difficulties he’d be facing without Yunho at his side. He had no clue how he would repair his relationship with his mother, and how he would try to find something to do with his life - it was like all he knew was Yunho.
“Just let me stay with you,” Yunho muttered as he held Jaejoong so tightly that Jaejoong felt like he could break underneath the strength of his grip, “I’ll stay if you just ask me to, please, I don’t want you to be alone -“
Jaejoong inched away from Yunho and raised his teary eyes to look up at him, “I’m not alone,” he whispered, his voice breaking, “I have Junsu…and even, even though we’ll be miles apart, I’ll always have you, right?”
“Please don’t -“
“We’ll be together again, someday,” Jaejoong whispered as he cupped Yunho’s face and tried to reassure the man that had kept him together for so long, “I promise. I know there will be a time when things are better for me, when things are better for you, and when things are finally falling into place like they should be…I know that day will come. You taught me to be strong, you’ve been my strength, and now I’ll be your strength too, even though we’ll be apart.”
Yunho kissed him deeply, and Jaejoong immediately relaxed in the other man’s touch. The kiss was desperate and filled with longing, and when they broke apart, tears were running down their cheeks. Jaejoong pressed their foreheads together, and he breathed in deeply before he spoke, “This isn’t the end.”
It took a few more minutes and a few more kisses before Yunho finally broke away. He shot one last longing filled look at Jaejoong before he opened the door and left. As soon as he was gone, Jaejoong crumpled down onto the floor and let his tears run down his cheeks without reservation.
Although his heart was breaking, he would hold onto his belief that someday things would one day fall perfectly into place.
< >
Author’s Note: So…this long journey is almost over! The next chapter should be the last. Will Yunho and Jaejoong meet up again? Or will the last chapter end with them breaking up? o.O You all will just have to see. ^^ I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter (or at least, don’t want to kill me for continuing with the angst & drama D: ), and as usual, thank you so much for all the lovely comments! Hopefully I can finish this story soon! ♥