i'm wearing my special occasion polo

[lite_bright]

Happy Year One of the Mystical LIBRARY ARTS, girl! This is all for you. (and probably won't make sense to anyone who isn't faded-lilac)

Comments

[faded_lilac]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have only gone through the list but !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lite_bright]

FOR YOU, GIRL. FOR YOU.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[faded_lilac]

These ARE all things I like. ESPECIALLY the last one! Also that Oilers wedding is just what my wedding to #stammertime will look like so be prepared. #stammertime who is part of Team Canada and did quite well just recently, thank you very much.

(truly I don't see how you can have a HOCKEY CANADA sign on your wall when these idiots [Stastny, Pacioretty, Johnson] are our MNT. I truly don't see it.)

UM MAYBE THE USMNT SHOULD SPONSOR A BRAND OF FROZEN PIZZA THAT MY GROCERY STORE HAPPENS TO PUT ON SALE, ENABLING ME TO CUT OUT THEIR LOGO FROM THE BOX AND PUT IT ON MY WALL. It's not my fault Hockey Canada got their shit together in that department.

how is Erika Lawler so tiny though, gracious.

[lite_bright]

true fact: like always, I started writing and it just kept going. I, however, refuse to allow you to host a crap-ass Northern Alberta wedding: you're going to have real tablecloths, even if they have a little satin edging, and your cake will be much more structurally-sound than that leaning frosting of Stanley. I mean, aside from #stammertime's impeccable taste, I don't think you should go for the pink bowtie.

It's not my fault Hockey Canada got their shit together in that department.

AND LITERALLY NO OTHER DEPARTMENT. wellllllcome to my rage. STEPHEN GREGORY YZERMAN. on the other hand, frozen pizza is mighty good, so I can see why you would want to be reminded of that.

[faded_lilac]

CRAZY UTAHRAPTOR.

[lite_bright]

!

(i wish I had a T-Rex icon, but I would not use it/heniously misuse it, so you get a ~creative process!~ from Wondermark instead.)

[faded_lilac]

OKAY I GUESS I WILL TAKE A BREAK FROM MY 250,000 WORDS OF HARRY/LOUIS AND READ THIS. I GUESS.

[lite_bright]

GIRL ARE YOU STILL READING THAT, HOW IS THE KID NOT IN COLLEGE YET SLASH HOW HAVEN"T WE GOTTEN TO THE HEAT-DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE?

[faded_lilac]

WELL I HAVEN'T BEEN SINCE EARLY THIS AFTERNOON, BUT YOU WOULD KNOW MORE ABOUT IT IF I HAD ACTUALLY HIT SEND ON THE EMAIL I JUST FOUND A DRAFT OF. WHICH I WILL NOW. SO LOOK FORWARD TO THAT ONE I GUESS.

They are such bad parents and everyone is bad at communicating and she made Niall be mean about not being able to go out while he was in Amsterdam even though he was making the totally valid point that just because Harry has a baby doesn't mean the rest of them can't go out! Get a fucking nanny, for heaven's sake, it doesn't make you a bad dad to arrange for childcare >:(

[faded_lilac]

I didn't realize how upset this made me until I started typing it out.

[faded_lilac]

MARTIN BRODEUR: KING OF FRANCE IS A THING YOU ACTUALLY WROTE? I thought it was just a series of terrible thoughts! AMAZINGGG. Also so much more well thought out and hilarious than I realized!!

"Was it as expensive as your life?" ahahaha this is so wonderful, your brain is a mysterious place of treasures untold. And like, if the sun goes down, he'll just turn on the lights? Poor John Tavares, surrounded by confusion and assholes. On his SECRET MISSIONNNNN. Thank goodness for reasonable moms.

[lite_bright]

YES IT DOES. I ONLY JOKE ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE COMPLETELY NUTBARS! It's in an old folder now, but opening it up reminded me of how there's a hallway battle (WITH SWORDS, NATCH) between Tavares and Stepan, which JT wins because he's been in Ren Faires.

ineffectual hockey guardianships for alwaysssss. That is the nicest sentence ever, thank you. Thank goodness indeed, you and I both know that, also later this transpires:

"Well," Hall says mulishy, "Nuge thought it was a good idea." What the -- are all first overall draft picks except for him really this stupid? There's maybe something in the water out in Alberta. Next time they play out there, Tavares thinks that he'll have to make sure and only drink bottled water.

THIS WAS ALL FOR YOU, GIRL, <3 and maybe a little that losing-ass Devs team. But mostly you.

[faded_lilac]

HE TOTALLY WANTED TO LEARN TO JOUST, DIDN'T HE.

Yes, JT. They are all that stupid.

[lite_bright]

WELL AT THE END HE MEETS THE KINGS. I WAS SETTING UP MY LONG GAME FEDUALISM JOKE.

They are, later on this leads to comical misunderstandings when Henrique is like "I trusted him!" and JT is all "whatever, you're all idiots" but it turns out that Marty Brodeur: King of France is ACTUALLY very clever, so JT, once they jump over the lava pit, is all "holy smokes, I am sorry! you weren't a first round pick, you're actually pretty clever!"