Toys 20: Fear of Failure

[lit_gal]

I now remember why I wasn't writing in the Toys universe anymore. I love Spike and Xander in that series, but they really are an old married couple. There isn't drama there, and quite frankly, they don't want drama there. So, this is the Toys universe, but following the drama means that the camera has shifted again to a new bedpairing.

Yesterday'

Comments

[tigerstriped86]

I have to admit, I kind of glance past your toys verse. Its not that its not your normal quality but that it doesn't interest me so much.

I guess in this verse I'm very Rileyish (smart, attractive, learn pretty well). You see, I was always attracted to the men with power (Gary, Troy...), especially with the latter when I acquiesced to him-he rarely knew how to handle it.

It was never even a sexual thing. It was an attitude that both of us had and I think maybe I just...I don't know...anyways, when he lost me I began to learn about myself and now, as time goes on, I am finding a power I didn't know I had. I was moldable for him, went through a lot because I loved him.

And yet, as a sub, I did hold a certain power in myself to take his criticism or his inability to return my volumes of affection. And now, without an alpha male, I end up almost turning dom just out of self-preservation. Well..that and I'm an attention whore.

What was I trying to say again?

[dharma_slut]

Hi...

I think you were saying that it's incredibly frustrating and dismaying to offer your power to someone who can't take it, or who doesn't know what to do with it. I had fantasies of submission when I was younger-- but did turn Dom, when I realised that I was not going to find fulfilment unless I made it myself, and that I had the skill to give that fulfilment to other people. But that's just me.

Angel is surely a reluctant Dom! This is not a case of someone for whom it comes naturally, and merely has to learn the ways of the path they chose for themself. If he didn't have Spike pressuring him, he'd continue to reject every member of his clan. As much as the needs of his subs calls to him, that fear needs to be pulled at as well as pushed. This will be a wonderful addition to the Toyverse, I hope-- witnessing Angel's growth and coming into himself.

[lit_gal]

As a switch, I'm comfortable with both sides of the equation, but I do think that a good dom is harder to find and even harder to be. Spike spent a lot of time exploring his dommy self when he was chipped-fantasizing and plotting. Angel is running from it thought because it is terrifying, and in canon, he seemed to push his people away just when they tried to be most loyal, so I hope this is a canon-friendly version of Angel.

[lit_gal]

I think that's the very dynamic I wanted to explore here. Angel has people willing to acquiesce. Hell, in canon, he tried to kill Wesley, and Wesley still devotes his entire life and sacrifices his morality to find and save Angel. There is something very powerful about the kind of strong submissive Wesley becomes, but Angel doesn't know how to handle it, and I often see people try to top who have no clue what they're doing. So Spike is my example of a sub who grows into his tophood every naturally. He feels it. Angel is dominant, but he's clueless dominant, and he really does need to be pushed out into his domhood because his people are falling apart.

[ambersnake]

Ha, Spike and Xander totally are an old married couple :P

I'm really enjoying experiencing the same universe from so many different POV's. It's new for you, and I think it adds nice layers to the story. Interactions within the court are marvelously intricate and I'm interested in all the players here.

You're even making me almost like Angel! Kin of the Heart got me halfway there but then Kin of the Soul brought everything crashing down in a blaze of angst. Of course angst is practically Angel's raison d'etre but I do enjoy fics where he finds ways to tone it down a notch. Or a hundred.

So, ye. Yay, more Toys!

[lit_gal]

They are totally a married couple. They may play games, and they may have spats, but the big drama of trying to figure out their place in each other's lives is over. They know and respect each other.

And I do think that Angel wallows in guilt in canon, which limits me a bit if I want to be in-character. However, Angel pulled himself out of that in Kin of the Heart, and once he worked though his sexual/damnation issues, he would have worked through it in Kin of the Soul if someone hadn't pulled his soul out.

[dharma_slut]

He does seem to wallow in guilt; but I hope you will resolve that in one or two of these fics-- it's bad enough that Joss never did!

Happy Holidays!

[lit_gal]

I think Angel was doing a pretty good job of getting through his guilt in Kin... of course now he's going to wallow again for for a while, but he has *some* justification after what he did to Xander and the others.

In canon, it seemed like Angel did a lot more wallowing than his actions warranted. Yeah, he almost ended the world, but that's like being almost pregnant. It doesn't count unless you ARE. And killing goldfish does not rise to the level of nameless evil. Now killing Jenny that way... THAT was evil.

[chaoskir]

Yep I read them both directly after each other and I like this update too. It's great. Now I can imagine Lindsey and Wesley with a gag. In my imagination they both serve Angel naked just wearing the gag. Oh that's a nice christmas-imagination. Thank you!

[lit_gal]

I'm so glad you're enjoying this. I don't see Wesley sharing his place very easily, and this is going to make life very complicated for Angel, at least until he figures it all out.

[lil_coyote]

There may be some hope for this Angel yet. Not that he's given up his 'president of the asshat club' card... But he seems to be honestly trying to improve things in his life and the lives of those around him.

[lit_gal]

With Spike standing behind him threatening to leash him, Angel has a lot of motivation to change. Spike, in my mind, is the ultimate switch. However, Angel does not seem like the kind to ever play submissive.

[texanfan]

This chapter seemed to be all about balance. Angel's court consists of so many conflicting pieces. I can easily see where wesley would be extremely jealous of the undivided attention Angel is giving Lindsey, and yet Angel has to punish Wes without pushing him too far, and there's Cordelia's opinion and a coming fight with the Groosalug hanging over his head like the sword of Damocles. I'm constantly amazed by your ability to create and relate these complex situations.

[lit_gal]

It really is about balance. Angel has been walking a balance beam, largely by not looking at anything around him. Now that he's looking and paying attention to his people, he realizes that it's all about to come crashing down. Now he has to work to get his balance back and bring his people back into balance.