Twisting the Hellmouth August Challenge -- Sentinel/Buffy
Title: Um... I can't think of one right now. I'll get back to ya'll after a late, late dinner.
Author: Lit Gal
Rating: FR 15 (TEEN)
Crossover: Sentinel/Buffy
Pairing (if any): pre-slash
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns BtVS and PetFly owns Sentinel
WC: 2570
Summary: Jim can't be there for Blair the way he wants to be, but he'll be damned if he won't do just about anything to make his best friend happy.... even having the world's most awkward conversation.
Warning (if any): unbeta'ed.
Sequel to: If I Know Not Love and Not So Similar and Green-eyed Hope... and ( The Good Life... )
"He in there?" Jim asked Karla. Blair always said that his accident had two upsides: good parking and Karla. The university hired her to work part-time just for Blair, transcribing his notes since his one hand didn't function as well with very precise tasks like typing.
"Yep," Karla agreed. She leaned back in her chair and looked him up and down. "So, is this something Blair is going to kill you over?"
"Could be," Jim agreed. Luckily, he also trusted Karla to not tell Blair that he'd lured Riley Finn to the office. Karla understood that sometimes Blair didn't take care of himself and he needed a little push to get back on track. Sometimes that meant Jim brought him lunch, and sometimes it meant dragging him out of his wheelchair for a swim in the campus pool before all his muscles cramped up. This time it meant verbally kicking a little ass.
"I'll go to your funeral," Karla promised. "I'm on break." Standing up, she grabbed her purse and made a show out of leaving the front area. Blair had the first office and the other professors weren't actually in their offices often. That gave them a little privacy.
Jim walked over and pushed Blair's office door open.
"Jim!" Riley sat up on the couch and dropped his legal pad on the cushion next to him. "I thought Blair was coming."
"He's at home nursing a bad mood," Jim answered honestly enough. He didn't mention that Blair would be in a worse mood if he found out about Jim's plan. Hopefully this would work or Jim could just kill Riley and hide the body. Either would be a tactical success.
"Jim, did I do something that's made him uncomfortable working with me?" Riley stood up and asked the question with such an honest openness that Jim was caught off guard. The short answer was 'yes,' but Riley would misunderstand that. Damn it. Blair had better understand how much Jim loved him because Jim would pretty much cut off an arm to avoid this conversation.
"Sit down," Jim said, gesturing toward the couch. Riley slowly sank, watching Jim cautiously-the way you might watch an unstable commanding officer. It was a little amusing considering that Riley had left the military a major, one rank above Jim.
Jim rubbed his hand over his face and figured it was probably best to just get this over with. "Blair thinks that the only ethical solution to his current problem is to cut off all contact with you, particularly as a student."
"He... what?"
Fuck. Jim really hated this. "He likes you, Finn. You're his student, and he likes you which puts him in an ethical dilemma. Worse, he's under the impression that you aren't attracted to him, so he thinks you're going to have some sort of heterosexual horror if you find out he's attracted." This was either going to put these two on the right path, or Jim was going to have to sign over his half of the loft and run for the hills before Blair found out what he'd done. Shit. And he was the one who always complained about Naomi's meddling. He was starting to have a little more sympathy for her because Blair invited meddling by always putting his own needs last on the priority list.
Jim wanted some sort of reaction, but Riley just blinked up at him like his brain had gotten stuck somewhere in the middle of that revelation. "He likes me?"
"Shocking, isn't it?" Jim asked with a bit more rancor than he probably needed.
"I was going to say ironic," Riley said with a slight smile that did not make Jim feel any better about this whole mess. "Trust me, I know how bad teacher-student relationships can get, and I have a whole lot of respect for Blair for not doing something unethical. He's a better man than I am in a lot of ways. But Jim, this doesn't mean we can't work together."
Jim clenched his fists and tried very hard to remind himself that it would be hard to sneak a body out of the building in the middle of the day. Not impossible, but hard. "You can't ask him to work with you when he has feelings for you." Jim tried very hard to ignore his own bit of dark irony. Hell, he asked Blair to live with him, to love him, to call him family... and yet Jim couldn't find Blair sexually attractive. "You either need to decide if you can man up to your own feelings for him or you need to get out of his life so he can heal."
Riley chewed on his lip and seemed to be collecting his thoughts, so Jim leaned back against the wall and waited for whatever stupid thing the man was about to say. Jim could almost smell the coming stupidity.
"You don't want me being interested in Blair... not like that." The pain on Riley's face made Jim hesitate, but it wasn't like he didn't already know that Riley carried baggage. Hell, Blair seemed to have a kink for baggage because he certainly fell for guys who had it in spades.
"Of course I don't," Jim said loudly. "Do you think I want this for him? I want him to fall for some college professor who will encourage him to have a nice boring life and go to physical therapy a little more often. I want to go to bed at night knowing that he's not going to get a gun shoved in his face tomorrow. Between following me out to scenes to profile for the department and you hauling him out to New Orleans-"
"I never-" Riley started to say.
Jim threw his hands up in the air in disgust. "You took him to study the patterns of racial profiling and police corruption. I'm only starting to get over the ulcers I got while you were gone. And part of me appreciates that you respect him enough to not think that chair is going to stop him from doing dangerous work, and part of me wants to beat the holy shit out of you."
"Jim..."
"Save it, Finn. Right now I'm trying hard to not seriously hate your guts because I wish I could give him what he wants, but I can't. I'm not attracted to him. But you are. I know it." Jim took a step forward, struggling with his own anger and guilt and hot need to fix this for Blair-to keep anyone else from hurting Blair the way Jim had. "But if you're going to start lying to yourself or to me or, god help you, to Blair, just let me know, and I am very capable of hating you. In fact, I might suggest that you'd be wise to get your degree and find some other police department to study because there will be a long line of people hating you if I tell them that you turned your back on Blair."
"I'm not turning my back." Riley was angry now-angry and defensive.
"No. You're just letting him turn his back."
"That's his choice."
"No. It isn't. He's trying to take the high road here and not pressure you. He thinks you aren't attracted to him, but you and I both know that's a lie." Jim watched as his words sunk into Riley. He could see the flash of panic, the need for denial, he was even pretty sure Riley was trying to decided whether or not Jim was about to throw a punch.
"I never-"
"You never said it. You never gave him one fucking clue, but that doesn't make it less true."
Riley seemed to pull back into himself, the anger evaporating and something that looked like panic taking its place. "I have never dated men."
"Bully for you, Finn. Do you want a fucking medal? Do you think that's something to brag about? I'd date him in a second if I could make myself feel just one bit of attraction, but I can't. However, he leans over a table and gets excited by some pretty piece of data you dug up, and you go leaking pheromones, so don't play games. It makes you look stupid."
"You can smell pheromones?"
Jim could feel his jaw muscle ache. This was part of his life he still hated sharing, even after he'd publicly admitted to enhanced smell and hearing for Blair's book. However, if he wanted Blair to have a full and complete life-including someone who could love him-that meant Jim had to let someone past his knee-jerk reaction. And the fact was that Jim did respect Riley. The man kept his confidences and the covert work he'd done hadn't soured him on the world. He still had this odd idealism that Jim associated more with men like Blair than he did with any covert ops soldiers he'd known. Jim took a deep breath and ordered himself to stop acting like an asshole, because it looked like Riley might be willing to at least consider the possibility of a future with Blair.
"I did mention that Blair wrote a book on people who have one or two hyperactive senses. Mine is smell. So yes, I can smell pheromones."
Riley ran a hand over his face and sighed out a soft curse. "Damn."
"Do you plan to deny it?"
"No. I mean, yes, I am attracted to him, but it's not that simple." Riley looked up, and the expression wasn't defensive-it was fearful.
"It never is, Finn. The gender doesn't make it any less complicated. And you know, I'm a fucking hypocrite because you sure as hell don't see me out there risking myself. But if you let Blair walk away, you're a real ass." Jim walked over and grabbed Riley's papers, tossing them onto the end table so he could sit on the couch. He was too old and too fucking tired for this conversation. Maybe Riley felt the same way because for long minutes, they just sat in silence.
Eventually, Riley spoke up. "I'm not exactly good with relationships."
"None of us are. And that includes Blair. Look at the assholes he keeps falling for."
Riley gave a dark laugh. "His taste in men sucks."
"Yeah, it does. Sadly, it's actually better than his taste in women. The last two women he really fell hard for both just about got him killed. He came inches from being sentenced as a drug runner in Canada, once. Simon's fast-talking and some lucky footage on a security camera saved him."
Riley looked at him with horror and more than a little confusion.
"It's a long story," Jim left it at. "I'm just saying we all suck at relationships, Finn."
"More than you know, Jim. The last two women I loved, I betrayed both of them."
Jim frowned at that. True, sometimes he didn't exactly have warm, fuzzy feelings for Riley, but he would never suspect the man would ever betray someone. Jim's guts clenched. He had issues with betrayal.
"I got stupid trying to keep up with a woman who was twice the soldier I ever was." Riley gave another dark laugh before he rubbed his eyes.
Jim was shocked. There weren't many women in covert ops, so either she was a soldier attached to their unit, or she'd been quite the woman to actually get accepting into covert ops--a field where women technically didn't serve. "She survive?" Jim asked.
"Yeah, she was tough. Too tough for it to make any difference that I was too screwed up to back her up."
Jim sat next to Riley and considered this new twist. Things might not have been as simple as Riley suggested-Sarris' daughter would say Jim had betrayed her father and the whole team who had died in Peru. "The second woman?" Jim asked cautiously. He wanted to give Riley the benefit of the doubt.
Riley made an unhappy noise. "She wanted to save the world. She volunteered with one of those charities that sends people around the world when she ended up in the middle of..." Riley let his voice trail off, but Jim could fill in the blanks. Military action meant refugees and that meant charity workers who often did end up in the middle of the battlefield. Riley took a deep breath. "She really proved herself when some things went down, and she joined my unit. She was good, but she always had to be better, faster, more accurate, more alert. She went in the field when she had no business even holding a weapon." Leaning back on the couch, Riley ran both hands through his hair and then stared at the ceiling. He didn't need to finish the story, though, because Jim had seen it often enough. Put people in stressful situations, and they'd search for something to give them an edge.
"Pills?"
Riley nodded. "I tried to get her off them. When I couldn't, I had to turn her in before she got someone killed."
Jim flinched. He could just imagine how that would tear a unit apart. Soldiers stood together, they watched each others' backs. But an officer couldn't allow that sort of dangerous behavior in the field. It was a no-win situation. Some days Jim was thankful that his own career had been derailed by Peru.
"Wait." Jim sat up. "This was someone you were involved with? In your unit?"
"She was my wife. The higher-ups cut us a little slack on the regs. We dealt with unique situations." Riley kept staring at the ceiling.
Jim had been through the misery of conflicts within a unit, and he'd been through a miserable divorce, but he would have seriously considered eating his gun or turning into a hermit if he'd had to deal with both at the same time. Riley had as much reason to be gun-shy around relationships as he did.
"Well, fuck," Jim said softly.
"I do care about Blair, but I'm not sure he really needs to deal with this baggage."
"Blair's good with baggage," Jim said with more than a little disgust. He almost wished this would drive Blair away, but if Blair was willing to deal with all the shit Jim had hauled into their friendship, Riley's baggage wasn't going to be a blip on the radar.
"He wouldn't want to deal with this much. I have a horrible track record with relationships, and before Blair, I never felt any sort of attraction for men. Not after high school anyway." Riley looked at Jim like he was begging for permission to ignore his feelings. No fucking way was Jim going there.
"He'd want to deal with it," Jim said. "He'd listen and tell you it wasn't your fault, and forgive you. He'd never really understand, but he'd forgive you with his whole heart."
"I'm not sure I'm ready for that," Riley said softly.
"Then tell Blair that. Tell him you're too fucked up to pursue something, but that you are attracted to him. Don't let him think that you don't care about him." Jim stood up and sighed. Nothing was easy when it came to Blair. "Don't let him think you're one more person that just can't love him."
Riley nodded. "I'll talk to him."
Jim nodded and headed for the door. There really wasn't anything else to say.
Author: Lit Gal
Rating: FR 15 (TEEN)
Crossover: Sentinel/Buffy
Pairing (if any): pre-slash
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns BtVS and PetFly owns Sentinel
WC: 2570
Summary: Jim can't be there for Blair the way he wants to be, but he'll be damned if he won't do just about anything to make his best friend happy.... even having the world's most awkward conversation.
Warning (if any): unbeta'ed.
Sequel to: If I Know Not Love and Not So Similar and Green-eyed Hope... and ( The Good Life... )
"He in there?" Jim asked Karla. Blair always said that his accident had two upsides: good parking and Karla. The university hired her to work part-time just for Blair, transcribing his notes since his one hand didn't function as well with very precise tasks like typing.
"Yep," Karla agreed. She leaned back in her chair and looked him up and down. "So, is this something Blair is going to kill you over?"
"Could be," Jim agreed. Luckily, he also trusted Karla to not tell Blair that he'd lured Riley Finn to the office. Karla understood that sometimes Blair didn't take care of himself and he needed a little push to get back on track. Sometimes that meant Jim brought him lunch, and sometimes it meant dragging him out of his wheelchair for a swim in the campus pool before all his muscles cramped up. This time it meant verbally kicking a little ass.
"I'll go to your funeral," Karla promised. "I'm on break." Standing up, she grabbed her purse and made a show out of leaving the front area. Blair had the first office and the other professors weren't actually in their offices often. That gave them a little privacy.
Jim walked over and pushed Blair's office door open.
"Jim!" Riley sat up on the couch and dropped his legal pad on the cushion next to him. "I thought Blair was coming."
"He's at home nursing a bad mood," Jim answered honestly enough. He didn't mention that Blair would be in a worse mood if he found out about Jim's plan. Hopefully this would work or Jim could just kill Riley and hide the body. Either would be a tactical success.
"Jim, did I do something that's made him uncomfortable working with me?" Riley stood up and asked the question with such an honest openness that Jim was caught off guard. The short answer was 'yes,' but Riley would misunderstand that. Damn it. Blair had better understand how much Jim loved him because Jim would pretty much cut off an arm to avoid this conversation.
"Sit down," Jim said, gesturing toward the couch. Riley slowly sank, watching Jim cautiously-the way you might watch an unstable commanding officer. It was a little amusing considering that Riley had left the military a major, one rank above Jim.
Jim rubbed his hand over his face and figured it was probably best to just get this over with. "Blair thinks that the only ethical solution to his current problem is to cut off all contact with you, particularly as a student."
"He... what?"
Fuck. Jim really hated this. "He likes you, Finn. You're his student, and he likes you which puts him in an ethical dilemma. Worse, he's under the impression that you aren't attracted to him, so he thinks you're going to have some sort of heterosexual horror if you find out he's attracted." This was either going to put these two on the right path, or Jim was going to have to sign over his half of the loft and run for the hills before Blair found out what he'd done. Shit. And he was the one who always complained about Naomi's meddling. He was starting to have a little more sympathy for her because Blair invited meddling by always putting his own needs last on the priority list.
Jim wanted some sort of reaction, but Riley just blinked up at him like his brain had gotten stuck somewhere in the middle of that revelation. "He likes me?"
"Shocking, isn't it?" Jim asked with a bit more rancor than he probably needed.
"I was going to say ironic," Riley said with a slight smile that did not make Jim feel any better about this whole mess. "Trust me, I know how bad teacher-student relationships can get, and I have a whole lot of respect for Blair for not doing something unethical. He's a better man than I am in a lot of ways. But Jim, this doesn't mean we can't work together."
Jim clenched his fists and tried very hard to remind himself that it would be hard to sneak a body out of the building in the middle of the day. Not impossible, but hard. "You can't ask him to work with you when he has feelings for you." Jim tried very hard to ignore his own bit of dark irony. Hell, he asked Blair to live with him, to love him, to call him family... and yet Jim couldn't find Blair sexually attractive. "You either need to decide if you can man up to your own feelings for him or you need to get out of his life so he can heal."
Riley chewed on his lip and seemed to be collecting his thoughts, so Jim leaned back against the wall and waited for whatever stupid thing the man was about to say. Jim could almost smell the coming stupidity.
"You don't want me being interested in Blair... not like that." The pain on Riley's face made Jim hesitate, but it wasn't like he didn't already know that Riley carried baggage. Hell, Blair seemed to have a kink for baggage because he certainly fell for guys who had it in spades.
"Of course I don't," Jim said loudly. "Do you think I want this for him? I want him to fall for some college professor who will encourage him to have a nice boring life and go to physical therapy a little more often. I want to go to bed at night knowing that he's not going to get a gun shoved in his face tomorrow. Between following me out to scenes to profile for the department and you hauling him out to New Orleans-"
"I never-" Riley started to say.
Jim threw his hands up in the air in disgust. "You took him to study the patterns of racial profiling and police corruption. I'm only starting to get over the ulcers I got while you were gone. And part of me appreciates that you respect him enough to not think that chair is going to stop him from doing dangerous work, and part of me wants to beat the holy shit out of you."
"Jim..."
"Save it, Finn. Right now I'm trying hard to not seriously hate your guts because I wish I could give him what he wants, but I can't. I'm not attracted to him. But you are. I know it." Jim took a step forward, struggling with his own anger and guilt and hot need to fix this for Blair-to keep anyone else from hurting Blair the way Jim had. "But if you're going to start lying to yourself or to me or, god help you, to Blair, just let me know, and I am very capable of hating you. In fact, I might suggest that you'd be wise to get your degree and find some other police department to study because there will be a long line of people hating you if I tell them that you turned your back on Blair."
"I'm not turning my back." Riley was angry now-angry and defensive.
"No. You're just letting him turn his back."
"That's his choice."
"No. It isn't. He's trying to take the high road here and not pressure you. He thinks you aren't attracted to him, but you and I both know that's a lie." Jim watched as his words sunk into Riley. He could see the flash of panic, the need for denial, he was even pretty sure Riley was trying to decided whether or not Jim was about to throw a punch.
"I never-"
"You never said it. You never gave him one fucking clue, but that doesn't make it less true."
Riley seemed to pull back into himself, the anger evaporating and something that looked like panic taking its place. "I have never dated men."
"Bully for you, Finn. Do you want a fucking medal? Do you think that's something to brag about? I'd date him in a second if I could make myself feel just one bit of attraction, but I can't. However, he leans over a table and gets excited by some pretty piece of data you dug up, and you go leaking pheromones, so don't play games. It makes you look stupid."
"You can smell pheromones?"
Jim could feel his jaw muscle ache. This was part of his life he still hated sharing, even after he'd publicly admitted to enhanced smell and hearing for Blair's book. However, if he wanted Blair to have a full and complete life-including someone who could love him-that meant Jim had to let someone past his knee-jerk reaction. And the fact was that Jim did respect Riley. The man kept his confidences and the covert work he'd done hadn't soured him on the world. He still had this odd idealism that Jim associated more with men like Blair than he did with any covert ops soldiers he'd known. Jim took a deep breath and ordered himself to stop acting like an asshole, because it looked like Riley might be willing to at least consider the possibility of a future with Blair.
"I did mention that Blair wrote a book on people who have one or two hyperactive senses. Mine is smell. So yes, I can smell pheromones."
Riley ran a hand over his face and sighed out a soft curse. "Damn."
"Do you plan to deny it?"
"No. I mean, yes, I am attracted to him, but it's not that simple." Riley looked up, and the expression wasn't defensive-it was fearful.
"It never is, Finn. The gender doesn't make it any less complicated. And you know, I'm a fucking hypocrite because you sure as hell don't see me out there risking myself. But if you let Blair walk away, you're a real ass." Jim walked over and grabbed Riley's papers, tossing them onto the end table so he could sit on the couch. He was too old and too fucking tired for this conversation. Maybe Riley felt the same way because for long minutes, they just sat in silence.
Eventually, Riley spoke up. "I'm not exactly good with relationships."
"None of us are. And that includes Blair. Look at the assholes he keeps falling for."
Riley gave a dark laugh. "His taste in men sucks."
"Yeah, it does. Sadly, it's actually better than his taste in women. The last two women he really fell hard for both just about got him killed. He came inches from being sentenced as a drug runner in Canada, once. Simon's fast-talking and some lucky footage on a security camera saved him."
Riley looked at him with horror and more than a little confusion.
"It's a long story," Jim left it at. "I'm just saying we all suck at relationships, Finn."
"More than you know, Jim. The last two women I loved, I betrayed both of them."
Jim frowned at that. True, sometimes he didn't exactly have warm, fuzzy feelings for Riley, but he would never suspect the man would ever betray someone. Jim's guts clenched. He had issues with betrayal.
"I got stupid trying to keep up with a woman who was twice the soldier I ever was." Riley gave another dark laugh before he rubbed his eyes.
Jim was shocked. There weren't many women in covert ops, so either she was a soldier attached to their unit, or she'd been quite the woman to actually get accepting into covert ops--a field where women technically didn't serve. "She survive?" Jim asked.
"Yeah, she was tough. Too tough for it to make any difference that I was too screwed up to back her up."
Jim sat next to Riley and considered this new twist. Things might not have been as simple as Riley suggested-Sarris' daughter would say Jim had betrayed her father and the whole team who had died in Peru. "The second woman?" Jim asked cautiously. He wanted to give Riley the benefit of the doubt.
Riley made an unhappy noise. "She wanted to save the world. She volunteered with one of those charities that sends people around the world when she ended up in the middle of..." Riley let his voice trail off, but Jim could fill in the blanks. Military action meant refugees and that meant charity workers who often did end up in the middle of the battlefield. Riley took a deep breath. "She really proved herself when some things went down, and she joined my unit. She was good, but she always had to be better, faster, more accurate, more alert. She went in the field when she had no business even holding a weapon." Leaning back on the couch, Riley ran both hands through his hair and then stared at the ceiling. He didn't need to finish the story, though, because Jim had seen it often enough. Put people in stressful situations, and they'd search for something to give them an edge.
"Pills?"
Riley nodded. "I tried to get her off them. When I couldn't, I had to turn her in before she got someone killed."
Jim flinched. He could just imagine how that would tear a unit apart. Soldiers stood together, they watched each others' backs. But an officer couldn't allow that sort of dangerous behavior in the field. It was a no-win situation. Some days Jim was thankful that his own career had been derailed by Peru.
"Wait." Jim sat up. "This was someone you were involved with? In your unit?"
"She was my wife. The higher-ups cut us a little slack on the regs. We dealt with unique situations." Riley kept staring at the ceiling.
Jim had been through the misery of conflicts within a unit, and he'd been through a miserable divorce, but he would have seriously considered eating his gun or turning into a hermit if he'd had to deal with both at the same time. Riley had as much reason to be gun-shy around relationships as he did.
"Well, fuck," Jim said softly.
"I do care about Blair, but I'm not sure he really needs to deal with this baggage."
"Blair's good with baggage," Jim said with more than a little disgust. He almost wished this would drive Blair away, but if Blair was willing to deal with all the shit Jim had hauled into their friendship, Riley's baggage wasn't going to be a blip on the radar.
"He wouldn't want to deal with this much. I have a horrible track record with relationships, and before Blair, I never felt any sort of attraction for men. Not after high school anyway." Riley looked at Jim like he was begging for permission to ignore his feelings. No fucking way was Jim going there.
"He'd want to deal with it," Jim said. "He'd listen and tell you it wasn't your fault, and forgive you. He'd never really understand, but he'd forgive you with his whole heart."
"I'm not sure I'm ready for that," Riley said softly.
"Then tell Blair that. Tell him you're too fucked up to pursue something, but that you are attracted to him. Don't let him think that you don't care about him." Jim stood up and sighed. Nothing was easy when it came to Blair. "Don't let him think you're one more person that just can't love him."
Riley nodded. "I'll talk to him."
Jim nodded and headed for the door. There really wasn't anything else to say.