(no subject)
Title: Writing Moments On the Wall With Different Colors
Authors: fiddleyoumust & lissa_bear
Pairing: Harry/Zayn/Louis
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: Around 20K
Summary: He’s not going to find the right answer by making lists of pros and cons. The truth is that he loves them both. He doesn’t know why everyone tries to sell some true love fantasy about finding “the one”, because now more than ever Harry knows that doesn’t exist. He is definitely in love with two people, two completely different people with completely different personalities, and there is no right choice.
Author's Notes: It has definitely been an experiment, co-writing something like this. We hope you'll consider it a successful one. To be honest, we pretty much wrote this for ourselves, so we apologize for how completely self-indulgent it is. A huge thanks to mockturtletale for Britpicking and for shaping this into a more cohesive story.
Disclaimer: Not real, don't own them, etc.
Zayn is bored out of his mind. Being on tour at home is the worst. It’s a little like being in prison with all the security and the screaming girls keeping them from doing all the stuff they would normally be doing. Zayn just really hates not having something to do.
He’s in Harry and Louis' room, but the two of them are cuddled up on Louis’ bed ignoring him in favor of a Doctor Who rerun. Harry’s head is resting on Louis’ thigh and Louis is combing his fingers through Harry’s hair sort of mindlessly.
“Let’s go out,” Zayn says.
Harry looks over and wrinkles his nose making a point of rubbing his cheek against Louis’ leg as he says, “I’m all comfortable.”
“I’m so bored though.”
“Go bother Liam,” Louis suggests.
“I think he was going to do a twitcam.”
Zayn doesn’t feel like being on for the fans right now. He wants to go out and have a few beers and let loose a bit.
“Come on, mates. I don’t want to go alone, and I’ll need help sneaking past Paul at any rate.”
Harry shakes his head and wraps a hand around Louis’ knee. “I don’t much feel like it, sorry.”
Zayn looks at Louis, at the way he’s looking down at Harry, and can tell that he’s contemplating it. Louis’ need to be included in any potential mischief is one of the things Zayn likes best about him.
“Come on, Lou,” he says. “You’re the one always telling us life is short.”
“Right,” Louis says as he starts to slide out from beneath Harry. “It’ll have to be a smash and grab. Let me change my shirt and then we just make a run for it. Paul thinks we’re all tucked in for the night.”
“Louis,” Harry whines.
He looks adorable with his face all pinched and pouty. Zayn can’t help laughing at him a bit.
“You’re a thief,” Harry says, giving Zayn a nasty look. “He was mine first.”
“Now boys,” Louis says, his head emerging from the shirt he’s just put on. “There’s plenty of me to go around.”
“You could come with us,” Zayn says
Harry makes a face again and that seems to be enough for Louis.
“See you in a bit,” he says as he squeezes Harry’s ankle.
Harry kicks at him and gives them both the finger as they back out of the room.
Louis leads the way down the hall and they take the emergency stairs down to the main floor. They can’t go out the front because there are about five-hundred girls lined up behind barricades.
“Through the pool area,” Louis says. “I think if we jump the fence it’ll put us out on a side alley”
Zayn’s pretty sure there will be fans there too, but they might be able to pull it off if they’re quick enough. Zayn flips up the hood on his hoodie and follows Louis down the hall.
“Give me a leg up,” Louis says when they get outside and to the fence.
Zayn boosts him up and then follows him over. The street is surprisingly quiet, but Zayn knows looks can be deceiving. He grabs Louis by the arm and they start running up the road away from the main entrance.
They find a club five or six blocks away from the hotel. The music thumps out onto the street every time the door opens. Louis takes Zayn’s hand and leads him inside past the bouncer at the door.
They do shots first - too many too quickly - and Zayn knows he’s going to skip right over buzzed and go straight to drunk.
“Dance with me,” Louis yells.
Zayn’s not quite drunk enough for that yet. A year ago he would have flat out refused, but he’s gotten over most of his embarrassment now. It’s one of the things that makes him really glad he’s found Louis and the other lads. None of them let him take himself so seriously anymore.
“I need another drink,” Zayn says.
“Fine,” Louis says. He holds his finger up and the bartender sets up some glasses for another round of shots. “But then you’re dancing with me.”
They have two more rounds before Louis finally gets him on the dance floor. He’s pretty drunk already and Louis can be pretty persuasive.
“It’s just jumping and swaying, mate,” Louis says.
Zayn doesn’t really think it is, but Louis manages to make it feel like that. They fit their bodies close and jump around and it’s nothing like the nerve racking feeling of being on stage in front of hundreds of people. Under the flashing lights of the club and with Louis dancing next to him it’s almost fun. He doesn’t feel any of the panic he used to feel at the thought of dancing in public.
“This is fun,” Zayn yells.
“Vodka makes everything a bit more fun,” Louis says.
They stop long enough to get some more drinks. Zayn checks his phone and sees he has two missed calls and three texts from Paul.
“We’re busted,” Zayn says, waving his phone in front of Louis.
Louis pulls his own phone out and says, “Harry says they know where we are. I think Paul’s coming to collect us.”
Someone had probably recognized them and tweeted about it. Zayn really loves about 90% of their new life, but the inability to go anywhere without inevitably being recognized is a definite downside to all of their fame.
“If we’re going to be lectured we might as well really deserve it,” Louis says as he orders them both another drink.
Zayn’s lost count of how many he’s had at this point. He can’t feel his lips anymore which is usually his indicator to stop drinking. He ignores it and clinks his shot glass against Louis’ before swallowing the liquor down.
Two shots later Paul shows up looking quite cranky. Louis argues with him when he tries to usher them out. But, it’s after 2 already, and while Zayn knows Paul can’t really make them leave he also knows he won’t go back to the hotel without them. Zayn feels bad about making him come out this late.
“I’m pissed,” Zayn says. “Let’s just go back.”
Louis looks like he might argue again, but Zayn knows that’s just Louis’ way. He would argue about the sky being blue just for the sake of doing it. In the end he just shakes his head and follows Paul out to the car he has waiting for them.
“Tomorrow we’re going to talk about this,” Paul says.
“Or we could just get it done now,” Louis says. “You can tell us how we shouldn’t do things like this and how we can’t do it again and we’ll pretend to listen until the next time.”
Zayn laughs against Louis’ shoulder and only feels a little bad when Paul sighs dramatically.
“It’s for your own safety,” Paul says.
“Right,” Zayn says. “Because we could end up in the boot of some crazy fan’s car.”
Louis giggles and says, “That could actually happen. Some of our fans are crazy.”
“Exactly,” Paul says.
They get back to the hotel and Paul takes them in through a service entrance in the back and straight up to Zayn’s room.
Louis flops onto Zayn’s bed, kicking his shoes off as he goes.
“I’m so pissed,” Louis says.
“Yeah,” Zayn agrees.
He flips the main light off and climbs in on the other side. He doesn’t ask if Louis is staying because it’s pretty apparent that he is even though Zayn knows that will mean dealing with a sulking Harry tomorrow. Zayn usually tries to stay out of whatever the hell is going on between the two of them, but Harry isn’t the only one who likes Louis. Zayn thinks sometimes Harry just really needs to learn how to share.
“That was fun though,” Louis says.
Zayn makes a noise of agreement and rolls onto his side so he can look at Louis. He can tell Louis’ eyes are open, but his face is otherwise in shadow in the dark of the room. Zayn is completely surprised when Louis surges forward and kisses him.
“Whoa,” Zayn says. “Bad idea.”
“Is it because of Liam?” Louis asks.
Zayn’s sort of had a thing for Liam since the beginning. It’s the worst kept secret in the band outside of Harry and Louis’ own thing. In fact, Zayn’s pretty sure that Liam is the only person at this point who doesn’t know. But, Zayn also knows that nothing is ever going to happen on the Liam front. Liam is straight and in love with a really amazing person. Zayn’s mostly learned to deal with his feelings.
“Uh, no,” Zayn says.
“Harry then,” Louis sighs.
Zayn rolls his eyes. Harry is part of it. In fact, Harry’s probably most of it, because Louis is insanely hot and funny and one of Zayn’s favorite people. It’s not like Zayn’s turned off by the idea of fooling around with Louis’, he’s sure it would be good if they did, just not good enough to balance out the consequences if Harry ever found out.
The problem is that Harry shouldn’t be the biggest problem in the room. The fact that Louis just tried to kiss him and they’re both lying here thinking about Harry is indicative of a much bigger issue.
“How about Eleanor, Lou?” Zayn asks.
He wishes almost immediately that he hadn’t. It’s like dumping cold water over Louis’ head. He looks shocked and miserable.
“Hey,” Zayn says. “Let’s just - Come here.”
Louis is kind of stiff and unresponsive as Zayn manhandles him closer, but once Zayn has Louis’ head on his shoulder he can feel Louis relax against him.
“I’m really messed up,” Louis says.
Zayn doesn’t know if he’s talking about his relationship problems or if he just means he’s had too much to drink, but he figures it doesn’t much matter.
“I know,” Zayn says, rubbing circles along his back. “You’re going to be okay though.”
Zayn keeps rubbing until he feels Louis’ breath even out and then he closes his eyes and follows him into sleep.
~~~
Harry is starting to wonder if he’s a bit of a masochist.
The five of them are all packed into one hotel room, more out of habit than for company. Niall is asleep, even though Harry is fairly certain it isn’t his suite, and Zayn is sitting on the floor at Harry’s feet with headphones shoved over his ears. Louis and Liam are on the other side of the room, both talking quietly into their mobiles, and Harry has no idea why he’s spent the better part of an hour listening to Louis whisper sweet nothings to Eleanor via mobile phone.
He leans forward and tugs one side of Zayn’s headphones away from his ear. “If your girlfriend called long distance from across the country, wouldn’t you at least want to take it out into the hall or something?”
Zayn pulls the headphones off entirely and leans his head back to look at Harry. “My pretend girlfriend?”
Harry laughs. “Of course,” he says.
Harry glances over to look at Louis again. His face is making Harry sick, all soft around the edges, the way he always looks at Harry, only he’s not looking at Harry now.
“I don’t know why you’re torturing yourself,” Zayn says, but it’s not mean, the way he says it.
Harry feels bad for snapping back, “Like you haven’t been staring a hole in Liam’s head for the last half-hour.”
Zayn shrugs and wiggles his headphones in the space between them. “Maybe, but at least I’m not making myself mental listening.”
Harry huffs out a breath and curls his fingers in around the collar of Zayn’s shirt. “Let’s get out of here, then.”
Zayn is in enough trouble for sneaking out with Louis yesterday, but the way Harry sees it Zayn owes him for stealing Louis out from under him.
“Come on,” he pleads, casting a pointed look at Liam and Louis.
Zayn looks back and forth between them and Harry can see him warring it out in his mind. Finally, he sets his headphones aside and holds up a hand.
“Alright, let’s do it.”
Harry gets up and pulls Zayn with him and they’re out of the room before Liam or Louis has time to notice.
“Where to?” Harry asks once they’ve slipped out of the hotel and into the night air. There are a handful of fans milling about, but they’re watching the windows, not the doors.
“I don’t know. This was your idea.”
Harry thinks about it while they walk. They stop when they’re far enough away from the hotel and he says, “I feel like getting pissed.”
“Want to try the club me and Louis went to yesterday?”
“Won’t that make us easy to find?” Harry asks.
Zayn shrugs. “We’ll be easy to find anywhere.”
Harry has to admit, he has a point. The second some fan snaps a pic and posts it to twitter, it’ll only be a matter of time.
“Okay,” Harry says. “Let’s get a taxi.”
The club is perfect, crowded and noisy and too hot from so many bodies packed into such a small place. They get recognized quickly and it’s not long before they’re getting calls from Paul, from Louis and Liam. They ignore them all.
Harry feeds Zayn shots and they dance, and don’t talk because there’s no room for it. Harry’s hair sticks to the side of his neck and Zayn’s t-shirt sticks to his skin and Harry gets lost in the music and the alcohol until he can’t remember why they needed to get pissed in the first place - which he supposes was the point entirely.
Someone comes eventually and drags them back to the hotel. They tumble into Zayn’s room after a particularly stern lecture and laugh until their sides hurt and they can’t breathe. Harry knows Paul will probably roast them tomorrow, Liam too, but right now Harry thinks it was worth it.
“Mind if I stay here,” Harry asks.
Zayn is already tugging off his clothes. “As long as you don’t mind that I’m sleeping naked.”
Harry laughs, already halfway out of his trousers. “Remember who you’re talking to, mate.”
He’s awoken by the sound of someone pounding on the door. He feels like something has died in his mouth. It’s five in the morning. The pounding won’t wake Zayn, he knows, so he pushes himself up and goes to make it stop. When he opens the door, Liam looks surprised to see him.
“Is this your room?” he asks, looking down the hallway and then back at Harry, like he may have somehow gotten turned around on the way over here.
“Nope,” Harry answers, rubbing at his eyes. The hallway is bright and Liam’s just standing there, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. It’s too fucking early to try and decipher Liam’s nonverbal attempts at communication, so Harry retreats back into the cool dark of the room and lets the door swing shut in Liam’s face.
When he wakes up again, it’s to Zayn’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m ordering from room service, do you want anything?”
“Eggs,” Harry mumbles. “And toast.”
While Zayn orders, Harry drags himself to the toilet. When he sticks his head out a few minutes later, Zayn is digging through a pile of clothes.
“What are you looking for?”
“Clean pants,” Zayn says.
Harry laughs. “Could you look for mine while you’re at it?”
Zayn grabs a pair from the foot of the bed and tosses them at Harry.
“Thanks. Man, I really wish I had my toothbrush, but my room is so far away.”
“It’s right down the hall,” Zayn says, and then shrugs. “Just use mine."
“Seriously?” Harry asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, whatever.”
So he uses Zayn’s toothbrush and it feels a little bit like getting away with something.
Harry makes it back to his room eventually. He showers and puts on clothes that don’t smell like a bar and settles in to check his email. He’s thinking about calling his mum when there’s a knock on the door. When he answers it, Liam is standing on the other side and it’s like a flashback of the scene from earlier that morning, only this time Harry is fully dressed.
“Can I talk to you?” Liam asks, and Harry pulls his door open wider, invites Liam in.
“Listen,” Liam starts, and he’s shuffling his feet a little, acting awkward, so Harry grabs him by the shoulders, pushes him to sit down on the bed.
“Out with it, mate.”
“It’s just, I know how much you fancy Louis and I don’t want Zayn to get caught in the middle.”
It’s such an unexpected thing for him to say that Harry starts laughing, can’t stop even when Liam’s eyes narrow and Harry knows that he’s serious.
“It’s really not funny.”
“But it is,” Harry says, gasping for breath.
Liam looks angry now, so Harry calms himself, says, “Seriously. There’s nothing going on between me and Zayn. And even if there were, Louis has a girlfriend.”
When he repeats the conversation to Zayn later, they have a good laugh.
“Seriously, though,” Harry says. “I think your boyfriend might be a little jealous.”
“My pretend boyfriend?” Zayn asks, and Harry laughs
“Of course.”
~~~
The more Zayn thinks about it the angrier he gets.
Zayn knows that Liam is just a concerned friend looking out for two people he cares about and depends on, but Zayn can’t help feeling like if it were anyone other than Harry , Liam wouldn’t care half as much.
“It’s fucked is what it is,” Zayn says.
Niall bops his head and attempts to look concerned which Zayn imagines is difficult given that Niall is almost never not smiling.
“I can shag whoever I want,” Zayn says. “It’s none of Liam’s business, is it?
“Wait,” Niall says. “You and Harry are sleeping together?”
“No!” Zayn says. “But we could is my point. We’re both single. We’re not, like, dating hot dancers and hot models and going on and on about how bloody fantastic our relationships are.”
“So you want to shag Harry?” Niall asks.
Zayn doesn’t even have to think about it. There’s a reason teenage girls buy his posters in droves.
“Honestly?” Zayn asks. “Who doesn’t?”
“I don’t,” Niall says. “I mean not really. He’s lovely though.”
Zayn laughs despite how angry he is. Niall has that effect on people. He can almost always make Zayn laugh no matter how upset he is. It makes him a good person to vent to.
“But, Liam’s lovely too,” Niall says because Niall doesn’t have a mean bone in his entire body.
Zayn isn’t always so sweet-natured. He doesn’t think Liam is all that lovely right now. Liam is nosy and smothering and he worries too much about every little thing.
“But like,” Zayn says, “I don’t know why I care what Liam thinks. If Harry wants to sleep with me and I want to sleep with him, then there’s nothing stopping us. It’s nobody’s business but ours, right?”
“Uh, sure,” Niall says.
Zayn isn’t really listening to Niall anymore. It’s like this reality - totally unknown to him yesterday - has sprung up and suddenly there’s all these possibilities laid out in front of Zayn. It’s kind of ironic that the thought of sex with Harry never even crossed his mind until Liam tried to warn him off of it, but now that he’s thinking about it he sort of can’t stop.
“Exactly,” Zayn says. “I can shag whoever I want and Liam can’t say anything about it. Neither can Louis because, like, it’s not as if he has any room to lay claim. He has a girlfriend, and that’s his choice. If Harry wants to and I want to then it’s nobody’s business but ours.”
“I suppose,” Niall says.
Zayn throws an arm around Niall’s shoulders and squeezes him for a brief moment. The next time Louis makes fun of Niall for being inside his own head and not paying attention to details, Zayn is definitely going to stick up for him.
“Thanks, mate,” Zayn says. “You’ve really helped me figure this out.”
Niall shakes his head and says, “All of you are crazy.”
~~~
Harry answers his door in a towel. It’s so like Harry that Zayn almost feels weird for even noticing. There’s a difference between passively noticing that your band mate is hot and actively appreciating said hotness.
Harry is really fucking hot.
“Naill thinks we should shag,” Zayn says. It’s admittedly not his smoothest line ever.
“Excuse me?” Harry says.
“I can’t stop thinking about what Liam said, and like, if we’re going to be getting lectures from Mr. Sensible I figure we might as well be doing something to deserve it.”
Harry purses his lips which is also hot. Zayn is starting to truly appreciate Harry on an entirely different level.
“So, basically you’re saying we should have sex because you’re mad at Liam?” Harry asks. “Because that seems like a truly terrible idea.”
Harry’s probably right. It would be a terrible idea if that were the only reason why, but standing here looking at Harry - who he really likes and appreciates and has a good laugh with whenever they’re together - makes Zayn realize that it doesn’t actually have anything to with Liam. Liam’s meddling planted the seed, but it’s Zayn’s own genuine regard for Harry that has him wanting to act on it.
“Not because of Liam,” Zayn says. “I - like you.”
“You like me,” Harry says.
Harry is clearly teasing. He’s looking at Zayn with his mouth turned up in an amused smirk.
“I think it would be hot,” Zayn says. “You’ve never thought about it?”
“I guess?” Harry says. “I mean you’re fit. I have eyes.”
Zayn laughs at that. It’s so like Harry to just say exactly what he’s thinking without any embarrassment or hesitation.
“I think we should,” Zayn says. “I think it would be fun.”
“Yeah?” Harry says. “It probably would be.”
Zayn goes for the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head in one quick motion. He drops it on the floor and raises one of his eyebrows in question.
“Wait,” Harry says taking a step back. “We’re doing this now?”
“First time sex is always a bit weird. I figured we could just get it out of the way.”
“You’ve been sleeping with the wrong people, mate,” Harry says.
Zayn is suddenly full of affection for him. Harry is always fun and funny and Zayn really does like him a lot. He’s sort of mad at himself for not thinking of this sooner.
“You should get rid of that towel,” Zayn says.
He reaches out and Harry takes another step back.
“Give me a minute to catch up,” Harry says.
One of Harry’s hands is clutching his towel and he runs the other one through his hair as he bites down on his bottom lip. Zayn wants to kiss him and he thinks Harry won’t mind even if Harry’s brain is taking a minute to get on board. In all fairness Zayn can admit this is all kind of out of nowhere.
“So we’re really -“
Zayn decides they’ve probably talked enough and he steps into Harry’s space and cuts off whatever Harry was going to say by pressing him against the wall and kissing his mouth.
~~~
Harry can’t catch his breath and it’s a little embarrassing to admit to himself that it’s more from Zayn’s kiss than from being shoved up against the wall.
Harry puts his hand on Zayn’s neck and rubs his thumb against the warm skin there. Zayn has really nice skin, all of it smooth and hot. Harry’s always appreciated Zayn in a look but don’t touch way, but now that Zayn’s presented him with the option, Harry wants to touch every inch of Zayn’s skin.
Zayn wraps his hand around Harry’s wrist where he’s still clutching at his towel and moves it to hold Harry’s arm up against the wall as he presses even closer. Zayn’s a really good kisser - kind of slow and sweet where Harry is usually more assertive - but Harry kind of likes sitting back and letting someone else drive for once.
Harry’s stomach is heavy and warm with want. His skin tingles everywhere they’re touching, and his cock is starting to stir with genuine interest. He’s half hard and kind of breathless from being kissed. He’s also about 30 seconds from losing the towel that is barely hanging on to his hips.
Zayn turns his head to the side and says, “We should go to the bed.”
He’s breathing heavily against Harry’s neck. Harry wants to say yes but his legs aren’t feeling all that steady and he wants Zayn’s hands on him right now. The bed seems too far even though it’s right there, only a few meters away.
Harry shakes his hips a little and smiles when his towel finally loses its tenuous grip.
“Oops,” Harry says.
Zayn looks down and laughs a little hysterically.
“Washappening,” he says in his stupid accent and Harry can’t help laughing too. The entire thing is ridiculous and easy and Harry is so turned on that all he can think about is getting Zayn naked too.
“Take your trousers off,” Harry says. “I want to see you.”
Zayn steps back and pops the button on his trousers shoving them down along with his pants. Harry’s seen him naked before but he’s never really taken the time to appreciate him.
“So that’s good,” Harry says.
“Yeah,” Zayn says as he steps back in to kiss Harry again.
Harry lets his hands roam over Zayn’s back. Zayn shoves a thigh between Harry’s legs and Harry hisses out a breath. He thinks about just rubbing himself against Zayn - how hot getting off like that could be.
“I wanna,” Harry says and he works his hand between them to wrap his fingers around Zayn’s cock.
Zayn leans into him. He presses their chests together and breathes against Harry’s shoulder while Harry jerks him off. It’s good but Zayn seems to have lost his concentration and Harry misses the press of Zayn’s thigh against his cock.
“Should have known you’d be a lazy bastard about this too,” Harry says rolling his hips to try and get Zayn refocused.
“Right,” Zayn says and then his hand is in the mix too, both of them warring for range of motion in the tight space between their bodies.
Harry can’t talk anymore which is probably okay since his brain is just a mess of harder and faster and more.
Zayn finishes first. He makes a short, sharp, sound in the back of his throat and then collapses against Harry. Harry thinks that might be it, that Zayn might be down for the count, and he’ll have to finish himself, but Zayn surprises him by pressing him more firmly against the wall and working his cock with renewed energy.
“Zayn,” Harry says.
It’s the only warning he manages before he comes. His toes actually curl into the carpet and he pulls Zayn in with a hand at the back of Zayn’s neck and kisses him through the aftershocks, both of them lazy and spent and leaning against the wall like they’ve both had too much to drink and have lost all their equilibrium.
~~~
Zayn wonders if he should be panicking. They just crossed a line they can’t ever uncross and it seems like it should be big and scary but all Zayn feels like doing is laughing. He feels really light and happy.
“Well, that worked out pretty well,” Zayn says, leaning a little more solidly against the wall.
It’s an effort to stay upright even with the support, so he lets his legs do what they want, slides down to his knees and presses his forehead into the point of Harry’s hip.
He likes the way Harry is still a little out of breath when he responds, “Understatement.”
He reaches up with both hands, hauls Harry down to the floor and scrapes his teeth along Harry’s jaw.
Harry tilts his head, gives Zayn easier access. “Maybe we should send Niall a fruit basket.”
Zayn hums in agreement, but he’s distracted, can’t seem to keep his hands away from Harry’s skin. He runs his fingers down Harry’s ribcage and then back up again, watching gooseflesh rise under his touch.
Harry shivers, grips Zayn’s wrist. “We’re not going to cuddle now, are we?”
Zayn pulls his hand back like he’s been caught touching something he’s not supposed to.
“Course not. Everyone knows our band only cuddles with all our clothes still on.”
Harry smirks. “You were thinking about it, don’t lie.”
“Was not,” Zayn protests, and he wasn’t, not really. He was thinking about whether Harry would allow a repeat performance.
Harry scratches his thumbnail across the tattoo along Zayn’s collarbone and Zayn thinks what the hell. No one ever gets what they want without asking for it, so he says, “I want to do this again.” Lays it out there and then waits for Harry’s response.
“What, like right now?” Harry asks.
“Like whenever we feel like it,” Zayn answers.
“A friends with benefits arrangement or something?”
“Call it what you like,” Zayn says. “As long as next time I get to suck you off.”
“Well, in that case…” Harry grins and makes like he’s going to stand up again.
Zayn laughs, pulls Harry back down on the floor. “Wait, did I say I wanted to suck you off? I meant it the other way around.”
Harry shakes his head. “No. No take backs, Malik. Words spoken while naked are iron clad.”
“So every word you’ve ever said to anyone naked has been the absolute truth?” Zayn seriously doubts that.
Harry laughs and sticks out his little finger. “Let’s make a pact then. Nothing but the truth when we’re naked together.”
“The whole truth and nothing but the truth,” Zayn agrees solemnly, hooking his little finger around Harry’s and giving it a shake.
“And in the spirit of our new agreement,” Harry says, pressing his knuckles into the heart on Zayn’s stomach. “I feel like I should tell you, this is literally the worst tattoo I’ve ever seen.”
“And I feel like I should tell you, your hair looks like there’s something nesting in it."
Harry shakes his head around, makes his hair look even wilder and Zayn buries his hands in it just because he can.
~~~
The next time, Harry initiates it. He goes to Zayn’s room after a day of interviews and is on him before the door has even clicked shut behind them.
He and Zayn are both adults - in age if not always in action - and they’re friends, and they get on really well, and Harry just really likes him. It feels good to be able to look at Zayn and be on the same page with someone after years of being just always slightly ahead of Louis in a myriad of ways.
Louis is something else entirely. Harry tries not to think about it much these days because it hurts in all the ways that being with Zayn doesn’t. Zayn doesn’t deserve it anyway - to have someone who’s only there by half - and Harry’s never been a shitty lover. He’s not going to start now.
Harry’s always been relaxed about sex. He thinks a lot of the time people make a big deal out of something that’s really just a great biological benefit to being into someone. Harry likes people, for the most part, and he likes sex and he’s found that sex with people he likes is usually better than the alternatives.
So, he and Zayn keep hooking up and they don’t hide it exactly. Harry’s not sure they could hide it anyway. They’re both just having so much fun that it almost feels infectious. It changes things. Their days become as different as their nights, but the changes are so subtle that it takes Harry a little longer than it should to notice them.
Zayn throws himself on the sofa and almost upends the cup of tea balanced on Harry’s knee.
“Hey,” Harry says. “Watch it.”
He smacks at Zayn’s hand in a futile and half-hearted attempt to protect said tea, but Zayn snags it anyway and takes a tentative sip.
“This is terrible, mate.”
“Good thing it’s mine and not yours,” Harry says.
Zayn takes another sip and hands it back before he twists on the couch and sprawls across the sofa with his head in Harry’s lap.
Harry smiles down at him - can’t help it - and he knows he probably looks stupid and fond but he can’t help that either.
Harry’s mobile buzzes and he runs a finger down the side of Zayn’s neck before he picks it up to check his messages. The message is from Louis and it’s a simple Want more tea?, but it makes something in Harry’s stomach roll uncomfortably.
Harry looks up and Louis is looking at them. He doesn’t look mad exactly but Harry can’t begin to decipher what he’s thinking. That’s new too - another side effect of whatever this new thing is with Zayn - that Harry can’t tell just by looking at Louis what he’s thinking.
I’m good Harry texts back.
And he is. His feelings for Louis are complicated and difficult in large part because of the choices Louis has made. Harry’s not going to let him fuck this thing with Zayn up. Things feel so much less hopeless when he’s with Zayn.
Seems like Louis texts back.
Harry rolls his eyes and throws his phone on the empty cushion next to him. Zayn has his eyes closed like he’s fallen asleep, but Harry can tell by his breathing that he’s not.
Harry doesn’t know what to do about Louis. He doesn’t want to deal with it right now and he’s not going to feel guilty about any of it - not about sleeping with Zayn and not about still wishing things could be different with Louis.
Maybe that’s part of why being with Zayn is so easy, because Harry knows things are complicated for Zayn too.
“You coming to mine tonight?” Zayn asks.
Harry startles. He’d been so lost in his own head that he hadn’t noticed Zayn looking at him.
“Pulling out your best moves for me I see,” Harry says.
Zayn shrugs, “Not my fault you’re easy, babe.”
The endearment makes Harry’s chest feel tight. He wants to lean down and kiss Zayn right here in front of the others, damn the consequences. Zayn must see it on his face because he smiles, but he sits up to save them both from what would definitely be an awkward conversation with the rest of the guys.
Right now pretending there’s nothing going on seems to be working best for all of them, but it doesn’t stop Harry from carrying that warm feeling with him for the rest of the day.
That night, in Zayn’s room, when Zayn rolls off to his side of the bed, Harry follows, spoons up behind him and buries his face in Zayn’s neck.
“Did you seriously just cuddle me?” Zayn asks.
Harry nips a bite at Zayn’s shoulder and doesn’t move away.
“So what if I did?” Harry asks.
Zayn huffs a laugh, leans back into it. “Just checking.”
~~~
Zayn should probably feel creepy about watching Harry sleep. Awake, Harry has one of the most expressive faces Zayn’s ever seen but all that goes away in sleep. He looks younger - a lot like he did the first time Zayn met him - and it makes Zayn’s chest tighten a little thinking about the kids they used to be.
So much has happened in the last two years. Zayn never imagined they’d be here - not the fame or the success or whatever this new thing is between the two of them.
Zayn’s suddenly so glad he’s a part of this. Sometimes it all goes too fast and Zayn forgets to appreciate it, but he doesn’t want that to happen with Harry. He wants to remember how he feels right now and keep it with him for later when things slow down and he has time to actually think about what it all means.
Harry rolls toward him, and he’s soft and warm and he looks so sweet that Zayn can’t help leaning in to kiss his mouth. Harry doesn’t wake up and Zayn feels relieved to have not been caught watching him sleep. He doesn’t know why he’s being so ridiculous about all of this.
The only thing that makes sense to Zayn is that he’d maybe been a little bit sadder than he’d even realized, and the last few weeks with Harry have been the complete opposite of sad.
Zayn’s been really happy with Harry and thinks it might be getting to the point where he’s going to have to talk to him about it. It’s scary and exhilarating all at once.
Zayn kisses him again, just because he can, and this time Harry opens his eyes.
“M’ sleepin’,” Harry mumbles.
It’s adorable and sexy just like Harry.
“I know.”
“Sleep with me,” Harry says and snuggles closer, slinging an arm across Zayn’s waist.
Zayn buries his nose in Harry’s hair and closes his eyes.
~~~
They wrap up the European leg of their tour and have four glorious days off before they have to fly to America for the next leg. Zayn turns his mobile off on the first day and sort of forgets to turn it back on.
It doesn’t even strike him as odd that no one has tried to contact him until he gets to the airport and Harry says, “Been avoiding me?”
Zayn’s eyebrows pull together. “Course not.”
Harry shrugs and pulls a face. “I tried calling.”
“Oh, sorry, mate,” Zayn says. “I turned it off and forgot about it, honestly.”
Zayn digs it out of his luggage and turns it back on even though it’s going to have to go off again as soon as they board the plane.
“It’s fine,” Harry says. “I was a bit lonely is all.”
“Was Lou with Eleanor?”
Harry makes another face and Zayn laughs. He doesn’t really get Harry’s thing with Eleanor. She’s a nice girl and it’s not like she’s actively trying to ruin Harry’s life. Zayn knows Harry wouldn’t like to hear it, so he doesn’t ever say it, but the reason that Louis isn’t with Harry is because of Louis, not Eleanor.
“Your face is going to stick like that,” Zayn says, but he flings an arm over Harry’s shoulders to take some of the sting out of it.
Zayn’s thinking about finding somewhere to get tea. He’s not even sure what time their plane leaves if he’s being honest, but he hates waiting around. He’s about to ask if Harry wants to go with him when Paul gathers them up to board.
“Good break?” Liam asks as they’re shuffling onto the plane.
“Yeah, good,” Zayn answers.
He’s following Harry, trying not to step on his heels, and he reaches out to brace his hands on Harry’s hips to keep him at least an arm’s length in front of him. He can feel Liam’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t turn around.
Louis is already sliding into a row of seats ahead of them and Zayn waits for Harry to move on, to claim his customary seat next to Louis. Instead, he moves into the next empty row, turns to Zayn to ask, “This okay?”
Zayn nods and takes the aisle seat, tries to hide his surprised smile by busying himself with his carry-on. Harry notices it, though, pokes him in the side and says, “What’s that face for?”
Zayn laughs and shakes his head. “Nothing. Just happy to be back, is all.”
Harry hooks his ankle over Zayn’s and grins. “Me too.”
By the time they land and check into their hotel, they’ve been traveling for close to ten hours. It’s only eight pm in New York, but it’s one am at home and they’re all exhausted.
Zayn is halfway in his room before he realizes that Harry is following him.
“Don’t feel like walking the rest of the way down the hall,” he says by way of explanation, setting his luggage down next to Zayn’s.
Zayn yawns and reaches out to circle a hand around Harry’s wrist. “Fine by me.”
He tugs Harry forward and presses a kiss to his jaw.
“You sleepy?” Harry asks, rucking Zayn’s shirt up to press his hands into bare skin at the small of his back.
“Completely wiped,” Zayn says. “But I could use a shower.”
Harry nods, tugs Zayn’s shirt up over his head. “I’d better go with you. For safety purposes. To make sure you don’t fall asleep in there.”
Zayn smiles, helps Harry out of his shirt, too. “I think that’s probably for the best. Wouldn’t want to drown.”
~~~
They have the entire next day free and Harry wakes Zayn up earlier than should be allowed. Harry points out that, because of the time difference, they’ve actually gotten plenty of sleep, but Zayn refuses to be mollified until Harry shoves a cup of coffee in his hands.
“You don’t want to waste the day, do you?” Harry asks.
“I kind of do, yeah,” Zayn says, taking a sip of the coffee. It’s too strong and Zayn makes a face.
Harry steals the cup back from him. “If you don’t like it, get your own. Seriously, though. I want to go to the Statue of Liberty.”
“Okay,” Zayn agrees. “That could be fun.”
“It’s going to be brilliant.” Harry smiles and Zayn reaches out to press his thumb into the dimple on his cheek.
“Have you asked the lads yet?”
Harry shakes his head. “I wasn’t planning on asking them, actually. I thought we could have the day, just you and me.”
“Like a date?’ Zayn asks, and just saying the word makes him feel ridiculous, nervous like he was the first time he asked a girl out.
He gets butterflies when Harry says, “Not like a date. An actual date.”
~~~
Zayn thinks that an actual date would be a lot better without a giant security guy trailing along behind them, but they hadn’t wanted to cause trouble the first day over, so they’d gotten the outing approved. The guy seems nice enough and he keeps his distance. As long as Zayn doesn’t turn around, it’s easy to forget he’s there.
Harry chatters happily on the ferry to Liberty Island and Zayn slings an arm over his shoulder to keep himself from doing anything more obvious like combing his fingers through the knots the wind is making in his curls.
“Did you know that her face was modeled after the sculptor’s mum?” Harry asks, gesturing at the statue across the water. He’s been spouting random facts since they left the hotel room and Zayn thinks it’s ridiculously adorable.
“Someone swallowed a guide book,” he teases and just barely flinches away in time to miss the elbow Harry jabs at his stomach.
“I was bored this morning, waiting for you to wake up, so I googled it.”
Zayn smiles and tugs Harry in closer to his side. Harry is watching him now instead of the statue and if Zayn were to turn his head a little to the right, they’d be forehead to forehead. He keeps looking straight out. Harry doesn’t look away, though, and it’s making Zayn feel self-conscious.
“What?” he asks, looking at Harry out of the corner of his eye.
“You’ve been a bit quiet,” Harry says, but he draws it out, more like a question than a statement.
“Is it weird that I’m nervous?” Zayn asks and when Harry laughs, he does turn his head, presses their foreheads together for a brief moment before turning back. “And now you’re laughing at me.”
Harry shakes his head. “Not at you.”
“It’s just…” Zayn huffs a breath, chews at his bottom lip for a second deciding whether he wants to embarrass himself further.
“Just what?” Harry presses, and Zayn rolls his eyes.
“Things have been pretty much the same between us. I mean, apart from the…you know.”
“Apart from the sex.” Harry sounds amused and Zayn doesn’t have to look to know exactly what smile he’s wearing.
“Apart from the sex,” Zayn repeats, because he can certainly say it, just maybe not as casually as Harry can. “This feels different, though.”
“Good different?” Harry asks.
Zayn touches their foreheads together again, lingers over it this time. “Really good, yeah.”
Harry nudges his nose against Zayn’s and Zayn wants to kiss him so bad it hurts, so he looks away, is grateful when Harry does, too.
“She’s made of copper, you know,” Harry says. “That’s why she’s green.”
~~~
When they get there and aren’t allowed inside, Zayn says, “I thought you googled it!”
“Yeah, but like, I didn’t go to an official website or whatever.”
Harry is disappointed, Zayn can tell. He claps a hand on Harry’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “They’ll be through with renovations next year, we’ll just have to come back.”
The corner of Harry’s mouth tilts up. “If you’re not sick of me by then.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen, mate.”
~~~
A few days later, Niall invites everyone to his hotel room to watch Toy Story, and even though they’ve all seen it a million times none of them can resist. Harry sits between Zayn’s thighs, pressed comfortably back against him and Zayn skims his fingers along the insides of Harry’s forearms, palm to elbow and back again.
It’s driving Harry mad.
Harry can see Liam watching them out of the corner of his eye in what Harry is sure Liam thinks is a surreptitious manner. It’s not. They still haven’t outright told any of the guys about them, but they haven’t been hiding it either. Still, they haven’t done much more than flirt heavily in front of the others, but if the disapproving look on Liam’s face is anything to go by the cat is out of the bag. Harry’s pretty sure Liam is trying to send him stop it signals, but it’s only making Harry want to turn around and fit his mouth against Zayn’s and really give Liam something to see.
The thought sparks of possessiveness, and Harry’s not entirely sure when his brain decided that he had the right to feel that way.
He tilts his head back on Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn leans in automatically, close enough for Harry to whisper, “What would you do if I kissed you right now?” with his lips brushing Zayn’s ear.
Zayn puffs out a breath and his fingers stutter and move to grip Harry’s wrists. He blushes adorably as he says, “I’d have a hard time not laying myself out on the nearest flat surface for you.” And the way he says it is so matter of fact that Harry’s half hard just thinking about it.
“Christ. Well we can’t have that, now can we?”
“I don’t know. I think I might be willing to risk it,” Zayn says, and then his lips are on Harry’s, soft and slow, and Harry goes boneless.
They don’t break apart until they hear the door click shut and it takes Harry a second to realize that Louis has left.
Liam and Niall are both openly staring now, and Zayn says, “What? I had something stuck in my teeth. Harry was just helping me get it out.”
Even Liam laughs at that and it eases the tension, but Harry’s mind is still on Louis. He doesn’t know what to do because his feelings for Louis haven’t changed, but his feelings for Zayn have. He’s starting to think he might not always be in love with Louis Tomlinson and that is something he wouldn’t have thought possible a month ago.
Still, he has to stop himself from following after Louis and pressing a confrontation. It’s obviously something he’s going to have to deal with and probably sooner rather than later. He’s just not certain what good it will do at this point.
Zayn nudges Harry and it’s enough to get him out of his own head.
“You okay?” Zayn asks.
Harry doesn’t know what he is. Everything is so twisted. What started out simple isn’t anymore and Harry can’t help feeling like everyone is going to get hurt and it’s going to be his fault. It’s not something he wants Zayn to worry about though. He doesn’t want to hurt Zayn and the realization that things have changed that much - that there’s enough between them now that Zayn could get hurt - scares the hell out of him.
“I’m good,” Harry says.
He leans back against Zayn and breathes.
Part 2
Authors: fiddleyoumust & lissa_bear
Pairing: Harry/Zayn/Louis
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: Around 20K
Summary: He’s not going to find the right answer by making lists of pros and cons. The truth is that he loves them both. He doesn’t know why everyone tries to sell some true love fantasy about finding “the one”, because now more than ever Harry knows that doesn’t exist. He is definitely in love with two people, two completely different people with completely different personalities, and there is no right choice.
Author's Notes: It has definitely been an experiment, co-writing something like this. We hope you'll consider it a successful one. To be honest, we pretty much wrote this for ourselves, so we apologize for how completely self-indulgent it is. A huge thanks to mockturtletale for Britpicking and for shaping this into a more cohesive story.
Disclaimer: Not real, don't own them, etc.
Zayn is bored out of his mind. Being on tour at home is the worst. It’s a little like being in prison with all the security and the screaming girls keeping them from doing all the stuff they would normally be doing. Zayn just really hates not having something to do.
He’s in Harry and Louis' room, but the two of them are cuddled up on Louis’ bed ignoring him in favor of a Doctor Who rerun. Harry’s head is resting on Louis’ thigh and Louis is combing his fingers through Harry’s hair sort of mindlessly.
“Let’s go out,” Zayn says.
Harry looks over and wrinkles his nose making a point of rubbing his cheek against Louis’ leg as he says, “I’m all comfortable.”
“I’m so bored though.”
“Go bother Liam,” Louis suggests.
“I think he was going to do a twitcam.”
Zayn doesn’t feel like being on for the fans right now. He wants to go out and have a few beers and let loose a bit.
“Come on, mates. I don’t want to go alone, and I’ll need help sneaking past Paul at any rate.”
Harry shakes his head and wraps a hand around Louis’ knee. “I don’t much feel like it, sorry.”
Zayn looks at Louis, at the way he’s looking down at Harry, and can tell that he’s contemplating it. Louis’ need to be included in any potential mischief is one of the things Zayn likes best about him.
“Come on, Lou,” he says. “You’re the one always telling us life is short.”
“Right,” Louis says as he starts to slide out from beneath Harry. “It’ll have to be a smash and grab. Let me change my shirt and then we just make a run for it. Paul thinks we’re all tucked in for the night.”
“Louis,” Harry whines.
He looks adorable with his face all pinched and pouty. Zayn can’t help laughing at him a bit.
“You’re a thief,” Harry says, giving Zayn a nasty look. “He was mine first.”
“Now boys,” Louis says, his head emerging from the shirt he’s just put on. “There’s plenty of me to go around.”
“You could come with us,” Zayn says
Harry makes a face again and that seems to be enough for Louis.
“See you in a bit,” he says as he squeezes Harry’s ankle.
Harry kicks at him and gives them both the finger as they back out of the room.
Louis leads the way down the hall and they take the emergency stairs down to the main floor. They can’t go out the front because there are about five-hundred girls lined up behind barricades.
“Through the pool area,” Louis says. “I think if we jump the fence it’ll put us out on a side alley”
Zayn’s pretty sure there will be fans there too, but they might be able to pull it off if they’re quick enough. Zayn flips up the hood on his hoodie and follows Louis down the hall.
“Give me a leg up,” Louis says when they get outside and to the fence.
Zayn boosts him up and then follows him over. The street is surprisingly quiet, but Zayn knows looks can be deceiving. He grabs Louis by the arm and they start running up the road away from the main entrance.
They find a club five or six blocks away from the hotel. The music thumps out onto the street every time the door opens. Louis takes Zayn’s hand and leads him inside past the bouncer at the door.
They do shots first - too many too quickly - and Zayn knows he’s going to skip right over buzzed and go straight to drunk.
“Dance with me,” Louis yells.
Zayn’s not quite drunk enough for that yet. A year ago he would have flat out refused, but he’s gotten over most of his embarrassment now. It’s one of the things that makes him really glad he’s found Louis and the other lads. None of them let him take himself so seriously anymore.
“I need another drink,” Zayn says.
“Fine,” Louis says. He holds his finger up and the bartender sets up some glasses for another round of shots. “But then you’re dancing with me.”
They have two more rounds before Louis finally gets him on the dance floor. He’s pretty drunk already and Louis can be pretty persuasive.
“It’s just jumping and swaying, mate,” Louis says.
Zayn doesn’t really think it is, but Louis manages to make it feel like that. They fit their bodies close and jump around and it’s nothing like the nerve racking feeling of being on stage in front of hundreds of people. Under the flashing lights of the club and with Louis dancing next to him it’s almost fun. He doesn’t feel any of the panic he used to feel at the thought of dancing in public.
“This is fun,” Zayn yells.
“Vodka makes everything a bit more fun,” Louis says.
They stop long enough to get some more drinks. Zayn checks his phone and sees he has two missed calls and three texts from Paul.
“We’re busted,” Zayn says, waving his phone in front of Louis.
Louis pulls his own phone out and says, “Harry says they know where we are. I think Paul’s coming to collect us.”
Someone had probably recognized them and tweeted about it. Zayn really loves about 90% of their new life, but the inability to go anywhere without inevitably being recognized is a definite downside to all of their fame.
“If we’re going to be lectured we might as well really deserve it,” Louis says as he orders them both another drink.
Zayn’s lost count of how many he’s had at this point. He can’t feel his lips anymore which is usually his indicator to stop drinking. He ignores it and clinks his shot glass against Louis’ before swallowing the liquor down.
Two shots later Paul shows up looking quite cranky. Louis argues with him when he tries to usher them out. But, it’s after 2 already, and while Zayn knows Paul can’t really make them leave he also knows he won’t go back to the hotel without them. Zayn feels bad about making him come out this late.
“I’m pissed,” Zayn says. “Let’s just go back.”
Louis looks like he might argue again, but Zayn knows that’s just Louis’ way. He would argue about the sky being blue just for the sake of doing it. In the end he just shakes his head and follows Paul out to the car he has waiting for them.
“Tomorrow we’re going to talk about this,” Paul says.
“Or we could just get it done now,” Louis says. “You can tell us how we shouldn’t do things like this and how we can’t do it again and we’ll pretend to listen until the next time.”
Zayn laughs against Louis’ shoulder and only feels a little bad when Paul sighs dramatically.
“It’s for your own safety,” Paul says.
“Right,” Zayn says. “Because we could end up in the boot of some crazy fan’s car.”
Louis giggles and says, “That could actually happen. Some of our fans are crazy.”
“Exactly,” Paul says.
They get back to the hotel and Paul takes them in through a service entrance in the back and straight up to Zayn’s room.
Louis flops onto Zayn’s bed, kicking his shoes off as he goes.
“I’m so pissed,” Louis says.
“Yeah,” Zayn agrees.
He flips the main light off and climbs in on the other side. He doesn’t ask if Louis is staying because it’s pretty apparent that he is even though Zayn knows that will mean dealing with a sulking Harry tomorrow. Zayn usually tries to stay out of whatever the hell is going on between the two of them, but Harry isn’t the only one who likes Louis. Zayn thinks sometimes Harry just really needs to learn how to share.
“That was fun though,” Louis says.
Zayn makes a noise of agreement and rolls onto his side so he can look at Louis. He can tell Louis’ eyes are open, but his face is otherwise in shadow in the dark of the room. Zayn is completely surprised when Louis surges forward and kisses him.
“Whoa,” Zayn says. “Bad idea.”
“Is it because of Liam?” Louis asks.
Zayn’s sort of had a thing for Liam since the beginning. It’s the worst kept secret in the band outside of Harry and Louis’ own thing. In fact, Zayn’s pretty sure that Liam is the only person at this point who doesn’t know. But, Zayn also knows that nothing is ever going to happen on the Liam front. Liam is straight and in love with a really amazing person. Zayn’s mostly learned to deal with his feelings.
“Uh, no,” Zayn says.
“Harry then,” Louis sighs.
Zayn rolls his eyes. Harry is part of it. In fact, Harry’s probably most of it, because Louis is insanely hot and funny and one of Zayn’s favorite people. It’s not like Zayn’s turned off by the idea of fooling around with Louis’, he’s sure it would be good if they did, just not good enough to balance out the consequences if Harry ever found out.
The problem is that Harry shouldn’t be the biggest problem in the room. The fact that Louis just tried to kiss him and they’re both lying here thinking about Harry is indicative of a much bigger issue.
“How about Eleanor, Lou?” Zayn asks.
He wishes almost immediately that he hadn’t. It’s like dumping cold water over Louis’ head. He looks shocked and miserable.
“Hey,” Zayn says. “Let’s just - Come here.”
Louis is kind of stiff and unresponsive as Zayn manhandles him closer, but once Zayn has Louis’ head on his shoulder he can feel Louis relax against him.
“I’m really messed up,” Louis says.
Zayn doesn’t know if he’s talking about his relationship problems or if he just means he’s had too much to drink, but he figures it doesn’t much matter.
“I know,” Zayn says, rubbing circles along his back. “You’re going to be okay though.”
Zayn keeps rubbing until he feels Louis’ breath even out and then he closes his eyes and follows him into sleep.
~~~
Harry is starting to wonder if he’s a bit of a masochist.
The five of them are all packed into one hotel room, more out of habit than for company. Niall is asleep, even though Harry is fairly certain it isn’t his suite, and Zayn is sitting on the floor at Harry’s feet with headphones shoved over his ears. Louis and Liam are on the other side of the room, both talking quietly into their mobiles, and Harry has no idea why he’s spent the better part of an hour listening to Louis whisper sweet nothings to Eleanor via mobile phone.
He leans forward and tugs one side of Zayn’s headphones away from his ear. “If your girlfriend called long distance from across the country, wouldn’t you at least want to take it out into the hall or something?”
Zayn pulls the headphones off entirely and leans his head back to look at Harry. “My pretend girlfriend?”
Harry laughs. “Of course,” he says.
Harry glances over to look at Louis again. His face is making Harry sick, all soft around the edges, the way he always looks at Harry, only he’s not looking at Harry now.
“I don’t know why you’re torturing yourself,” Zayn says, but it’s not mean, the way he says it.
Harry feels bad for snapping back, “Like you haven’t been staring a hole in Liam’s head for the last half-hour.”
Zayn shrugs and wiggles his headphones in the space between them. “Maybe, but at least I’m not making myself mental listening.”
Harry huffs out a breath and curls his fingers in around the collar of Zayn’s shirt. “Let’s get out of here, then.”
Zayn is in enough trouble for sneaking out with Louis yesterday, but the way Harry sees it Zayn owes him for stealing Louis out from under him.
“Come on,” he pleads, casting a pointed look at Liam and Louis.
Zayn looks back and forth between them and Harry can see him warring it out in his mind. Finally, he sets his headphones aside and holds up a hand.
“Alright, let’s do it.”
Harry gets up and pulls Zayn with him and they’re out of the room before Liam or Louis has time to notice.
“Where to?” Harry asks once they’ve slipped out of the hotel and into the night air. There are a handful of fans milling about, but they’re watching the windows, not the doors.
“I don’t know. This was your idea.”
Harry thinks about it while they walk. They stop when they’re far enough away from the hotel and he says, “I feel like getting pissed.”
“Want to try the club me and Louis went to yesterday?”
“Won’t that make us easy to find?” Harry asks.
Zayn shrugs. “We’ll be easy to find anywhere.”
Harry has to admit, he has a point. The second some fan snaps a pic and posts it to twitter, it’ll only be a matter of time.
“Okay,” Harry says. “Let’s get a taxi.”
The club is perfect, crowded and noisy and too hot from so many bodies packed into such a small place. They get recognized quickly and it’s not long before they’re getting calls from Paul, from Louis and Liam. They ignore them all.
Harry feeds Zayn shots and they dance, and don’t talk because there’s no room for it. Harry’s hair sticks to the side of his neck and Zayn’s t-shirt sticks to his skin and Harry gets lost in the music and the alcohol until he can’t remember why they needed to get pissed in the first place - which he supposes was the point entirely.
Someone comes eventually and drags them back to the hotel. They tumble into Zayn’s room after a particularly stern lecture and laugh until their sides hurt and they can’t breathe. Harry knows Paul will probably roast them tomorrow, Liam too, but right now Harry thinks it was worth it.
“Mind if I stay here,” Harry asks.
Zayn is already tugging off his clothes. “As long as you don’t mind that I’m sleeping naked.”
Harry laughs, already halfway out of his trousers. “Remember who you’re talking to, mate.”
He’s awoken by the sound of someone pounding on the door. He feels like something has died in his mouth. It’s five in the morning. The pounding won’t wake Zayn, he knows, so he pushes himself up and goes to make it stop. When he opens the door, Liam looks surprised to see him.
“Is this your room?” he asks, looking down the hallway and then back at Harry, like he may have somehow gotten turned around on the way over here.
“Nope,” Harry answers, rubbing at his eyes. The hallway is bright and Liam’s just standing there, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. It’s too fucking early to try and decipher Liam’s nonverbal attempts at communication, so Harry retreats back into the cool dark of the room and lets the door swing shut in Liam’s face.
When he wakes up again, it’s to Zayn’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m ordering from room service, do you want anything?”
“Eggs,” Harry mumbles. “And toast.”
While Zayn orders, Harry drags himself to the toilet. When he sticks his head out a few minutes later, Zayn is digging through a pile of clothes.
“What are you looking for?”
“Clean pants,” Zayn says.
Harry laughs. “Could you look for mine while you’re at it?”
Zayn grabs a pair from the foot of the bed and tosses them at Harry.
“Thanks. Man, I really wish I had my toothbrush, but my room is so far away.”
“It’s right down the hall,” Zayn says, and then shrugs. “Just use mine."
“Seriously?” Harry asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, whatever.”
So he uses Zayn’s toothbrush and it feels a little bit like getting away with something.
Harry makes it back to his room eventually. He showers and puts on clothes that don’t smell like a bar and settles in to check his email. He’s thinking about calling his mum when there’s a knock on the door. When he answers it, Liam is standing on the other side and it’s like a flashback of the scene from earlier that morning, only this time Harry is fully dressed.
“Can I talk to you?” Liam asks, and Harry pulls his door open wider, invites Liam in.
“Listen,” Liam starts, and he’s shuffling his feet a little, acting awkward, so Harry grabs him by the shoulders, pushes him to sit down on the bed.
“Out with it, mate.”
“It’s just, I know how much you fancy Louis and I don’t want Zayn to get caught in the middle.”
It’s such an unexpected thing for him to say that Harry starts laughing, can’t stop even when Liam’s eyes narrow and Harry knows that he’s serious.
“It’s really not funny.”
“But it is,” Harry says, gasping for breath.
Liam looks angry now, so Harry calms himself, says, “Seriously. There’s nothing going on between me and Zayn. And even if there were, Louis has a girlfriend.”
When he repeats the conversation to Zayn later, they have a good laugh.
“Seriously, though,” Harry says. “I think your boyfriend might be a little jealous.”
“My pretend boyfriend?” Zayn asks, and Harry laughs
“Of course.”
~~~
The more Zayn thinks about it the angrier he gets.
Zayn knows that Liam is just a concerned friend looking out for two people he cares about and depends on, but Zayn can’t help feeling like if it were anyone other than Harry , Liam wouldn’t care half as much.
“It’s fucked is what it is,” Zayn says.
Niall bops his head and attempts to look concerned which Zayn imagines is difficult given that Niall is almost never not smiling.
“I can shag whoever I want,” Zayn says. “It’s none of Liam’s business, is it?
“Wait,” Niall says. “You and Harry are sleeping together?”
“No!” Zayn says. “But we could is my point. We’re both single. We’re not, like, dating hot dancers and hot models and going on and on about how bloody fantastic our relationships are.”
“So you want to shag Harry?” Niall asks.
Zayn doesn’t even have to think about it. There’s a reason teenage girls buy his posters in droves.
“Honestly?” Zayn asks. “Who doesn’t?”
“I don’t,” Niall says. “I mean not really. He’s lovely though.”
Zayn laughs despite how angry he is. Niall has that effect on people. He can almost always make Zayn laugh no matter how upset he is. It makes him a good person to vent to.
“But, Liam’s lovely too,” Niall says because Niall doesn’t have a mean bone in his entire body.
Zayn isn’t always so sweet-natured. He doesn’t think Liam is all that lovely right now. Liam is nosy and smothering and he worries too much about every little thing.
“But like,” Zayn says, “I don’t know why I care what Liam thinks. If Harry wants to sleep with me and I want to sleep with him, then there’s nothing stopping us. It’s nobody’s business but ours, right?”
“Uh, sure,” Niall says.
Zayn isn’t really listening to Niall anymore. It’s like this reality - totally unknown to him yesterday - has sprung up and suddenly there’s all these possibilities laid out in front of Zayn. It’s kind of ironic that the thought of sex with Harry never even crossed his mind until Liam tried to warn him off of it, but now that he’s thinking about it he sort of can’t stop.
“Exactly,” Zayn says. “I can shag whoever I want and Liam can’t say anything about it. Neither can Louis because, like, it’s not as if he has any room to lay claim. He has a girlfriend, and that’s his choice. If Harry wants to and I want to then it’s nobody’s business but ours.”
“I suppose,” Niall says.
Zayn throws an arm around Niall’s shoulders and squeezes him for a brief moment. The next time Louis makes fun of Niall for being inside his own head and not paying attention to details, Zayn is definitely going to stick up for him.
“Thanks, mate,” Zayn says. “You’ve really helped me figure this out.”
Niall shakes his head and says, “All of you are crazy.”
~~~
Harry answers his door in a towel. It’s so like Harry that Zayn almost feels weird for even noticing. There’s a difference between passively noticing that your band mate is hot and actively appreciating said hotness.
Harry is really fucking hot.
“Naill thinks we should shag,” Zayn says. It’s admittedly not his smoothest line ever.
“Excuse me?” Harry says.
“I can’t stop thinking about what Liam said, and like, if we’re going to be getting lectures from Mr. Sensible I figure we might as well be doing something to deserve it.”
Harry purses his lips which is also hot. Zayn is starting to truly appreciate Harry on an entirely different level.
“So, basically you’re saying we should have sex because you’re mad at Liam?” Harry asks. “Because that seems like a truly terrible idea.”
Harry’s probably right. It would be a terrible idea if that were the only reason why, but standing here looking at Harry - who he really likes and appreciates and has a good laugh with whenever they’re together - makes Zayn realize that it doesn’t actually have anything to with Liam. Liam’s meddling planted the seed, but it’s Zayn’s own genuine regard for Harry that has him wanting to act on it.
“Not because of Liam,” Zayn says. “I - like you.”
“You like me,” Harry says.
Harry is clearly teasing. He’s looking at Zayn with his mouth turned up in an amused smirk.
“I think it would be hot,” Zayn says. “You’ve never thought about it?”
“I guess?” Harry says. “I mean you’re fit. I have eyes.”
Zayn laughs at that. It’s so like Harry to just say exactly what he’s thinking without any embarrassment or hesitation.
“I think we should,” Zayn says. “I think it would be fun.”
“Yeah?” Harry says. “It probably would be.”
Zayn goes for the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head in one quick motion. He drops it on the floor and raises one of his eyebrows in question.
“Wait,” Harry says taking a step back. “We’re doing this now?”
“First time sex is always a bit weird. I figured we could just get it out of the way.”
“You’ve been sleeping with the wrong people, mate,” Harry says.
Zayn is suddenly full of affection for him. Harry is always fun and funny and Zayn really does like him a lot. He’s sort of mad at himself for not thinking of this sooner.
“You should get rid of that towel,” Zayn says.
He reaches out and Harry takes another step back.
“Give me a minute to catch up,” Harry says.
One of Harry’s hands is clutching his towel and he runs the other one through his hair as he bites down on his bottom lip. Zayn wants to kiss him and he thinks Harry won’t mind even if Harry’s brain is taking a minute to get on board. In all fairness Zayn can admit this is all kind of out of nowhere.
“So we’re really -“
Zayn decides they’ve probably talked enough and he steps into Harry’s space and cuts off whatever Harry was going to say by pressing him against the wall and kissing his mouth.
~~~
Harry can’t catch his breath and it’s a little embarrassing to admit to himself that it’s more from Zayn’s kiss than from being shoved up against the wall.
Harry puts his hand on Zayn’s neck and rubs his thumb against the warm skin there. Zayn has really nice skin, all of it smooth and hot. Harry’s always appreciated Zayn in a look but don’t touch way, but now that Zayn’s presented him with the option, Harry wants to touch every inch of Zayn’s skin.
Zayn wraps his hand around Harry’s wrist where he’s still clutching at his towel and moves it to hold Harry’s arm up against the wall as he presses even closer. Zayn’s a really good kisser - kind of slow and sweet where Harry is usually more assertive - but Harry kind of likes sitting back and letting someone else drive for once.
Harry’s stomach is heavy and warm with want. His skin tingles everywhere they’re touching, and his cock is starting to stir with genuine interest. He’s half hard and kind of breathless from being kissed. He’s also about 30 seconds from losing the towel that is barely hanging on to his hips.
Zayn turns his head to the side and says, “We should go to the bed.”
He’s breathing heavily against Harry’s neck. Harry wants to say yes but his legs aren’t feeling all that steady and he wants Zayn’s hands on him right now. The bed seems too far even though it’s right there, only a few meters away.
Harry shakes his hips a little and smiles when his towel finally loses its tenuous grip.
“Oops,” Harry says.
Zayn looks down and laughs a little hysterically.
“Washappening,” he says in his stupid accent and Harry can’t help laughing too. The entire thing is ridiculous and easy and Harry is so turned on that all he can think about is getting Zayn naked too.
“Take your trousers off,” Harry says. “I want to see you.”
Zayn steps back and pops the button on his trousers shoving them down along with his pants. Harry’s seen him naked before but he’s never really taken the time to appreciate him.
“So that’s good,” Harry says.
“Yeah,” Zayn says as he steps back in to kiss Harry again.
Harry lets his hands roam over Zayn’s back. Zayn shoves a thigh between Harry’s legs and Harry hisses out a breath. He thinks about just rubbing himself against Zayn - how hot getting off like that could be.
“I wanna,” Harry says and he works his hand between them to wrap his fingers around Zayn’s cock.
Zayn leans into him. He presses their chests together and breathes against Harry’s shoulder while Harry jerks him off. It’s good but Zayn seems to have lost his concentration and Harry misses the press of Zayn’s thigh against his cock.
“Should have known you’d be a lazy bastard about this too,” Harry says rolling his hips to try and get Zayn refocused.
“Right,” Zayn says and then his hand is in the mix too, both of them warring for range of motion in the tight space between their bodies.
Harry can’t talk anymore which is probably okay since his brain is just a mess of harder and faster and more.
Zayn finishes first. He makes a short, sharp, sound in the back of his throat and then collapses against Harry. Harry thinks that might be it, that Zayn might be down for the count, and he’ll have to finish himself, but Zayn surprises him by pressing him more firmly against the wall and working his cock with renewed energy.
“Zayn,” Harry says.
It’s the only warning he manages before he comes. His toes actually curl into the carpet and he pulls Zayn in with a hand at the back of Zayn’s neck and kisses him through the aftershocks, both of them lazy and spent and leaning against the wall like they’ve both had too much to drink and have lost all their equilibrium.
~~~
Zayn wonders if he should be panicking. They just crossed a line they can’t ever uncross and it seems like it should be big and scary but all Zayn feels like doing is laughing. He feels really light and happy.
“Well, that worked out pretty well,” Zayn says, leaning a little more solidly against the wall.
It’s an effort to stay upright even with the support, so he lets his legs do what they want, slides down to his knees and presses his forehead into the point of Harry’s hip.
He likes the way Harry is still a little out of breath when he responds, “Understatement.”
He reaches up with both hands, hauls Harry down to the floor and scrapes his teeth along Harry’s jaw.
Harry tilts his head, gives Zayn easier access. “Maybe we should send Niall a fruit basket.”
Zayn hums in agreement, but he’s distracted, can’t seem to keep his hands away from Harry’s skin. He runs his fingers down Harry’s ribcage and then back up again, watching gooseflesh rise under his touch.
Harry shivers, grips Zayn’s wrist. “We’re not going to cuddle now, are we?”
Zayn pulls his hand back like he’s been caught touching something he’s not supposed to.
“Course not. Everyone knows our band only cuddles with all our clothes still on.”
Harry smirks. “You were thinking about it, don’t lie.”
“Was not,” Zayn protests, and he wasn’t, not really. He was thinking about whether Harry would allow a repeat performance.
Harry scratches his thumbnail across the tattoo along Zayn’s collarbone and Zayn thinks what the hell. No one ever gets what they want without asking for it, so he says, “I want to do this again.” Lays it out there and then waits for Harry’s response.
“What, like right now?” Harry asks.
“Like whenever we feel like it,” Zayn answers.
“A friends with benefits arrangement or something?”
“Call it what you like,” Zayn says. “As long as next time I get to suck you off.”
“Well, in that case…” Harry grins and makes like he’s going to stand up again.
Zayn laughs, pulls Harry back down on the floor. “Wait, did I say I wanted to suck you off? I meant it the other way around.”
Harry shakes his head. “No. No take backs, Malik. Words spoken while naked are iron clad.”
“So every word you’ve ever said to anyone naked has been the absolute truth?” Zayn seriously doubts that.
Harry laughs and sticks out his little finger. “Let’s make a pact then. Nothing but the truth when we’re naked together.”
“The whole truth and nothing but the truth,” Zayn agrees solemnly, hooking his little finger around Harry’s and giving it a shake.
“And in the spirit of our new agreement,” Harry says, pressing his knuckles into the heart on Zayn’s stomach. “I feel like I should tell you, this is literally the worst tattoo I’ve ever seen.”
“And I feel like I should tell you, your hair looks like there’s something nesting in it."
Harry shakes his head around, makes his hair look even wilder and Zayn buries his hands in it just because he can.
~~~
The next time, Harry initiates it. He goes to Zayn’s room after a day of interviews and is on him before the door has even clicked shut behind them.
He and Zayn are both adults - in age if not always in action - and they’re friends, and they get on really well, and Harry just really likes him. It feels good to be able to look at Zayn and be on the same page with someone after years of being just always slightly ahead of Louis in a myriad of ways.
Louis is something else entirely. Harry tries not to think about it much these days because it hurts in all the ways that being with Zayn doesn’t. Zayn doesn’t deserve it anyway - to have someone who’s only there by half - and Harry’s never been a shitty lover. He’s not going to start now.
Harry’s always been relaxed about sex. He thinks a lot of the time people make a big deal out of something that’s really just a great biological benefit to being into someone. Harry likes people, for the most part, and he likes sex and he’s found that sex with people he likes is usually better than the alternatives.
So, he and Zayn keep hooking up and they don’t hide it exactly. Harry’s not sure they could hide it anyway. They’re both just having so much fun that it almost feels infectious. It changes things. Their days become as different as their nights, but the changes are so subtle that it takes Harry a little longer than it should to notice them.
Zayn throws himself on the sofa and almost upends the cup of tea balanced on Harry’s knee.
“Hey,” Harry says. “Watch it.”
He smacks at Zayn’s hand in a futile and half-hearted attempt to protect said tea, but Zayn snags it anyway and takes a tentative sip.
“This is terrible, mate.”
“Good thing it’s mine and not yours,” Harry says.
Zayn takes another sip and hands it back before he twists on the couch and sprawls across the sofa with his head in Harry’s lap.
Harry smiles down at him - can’t help it - and he knows he probably looks stupid and fond but he can’t help that either.
Harry’s mobile buzzes and he runs a finger down the side of Zayn’s neck before he picks it up to check his messages. The message is from Louis and it’s a simple Want more tea?, but it makes something in Harry’s stomach roll uncomfortably.
Harry looks up and Louis is looking at them. He doesn’t look mad exactly but Harry can’t begin to decipher what he’s thinking. That’s new too - another side effect of whatever this new thing is with Zayn - that Harry can’t tell just by looking at Louis what he’s thinking.
I’m good Harry texts back.
And he is. His feelings for Louis are complicated and difficult in large part because of the choices Louis has made. Harry’s not going to let him fuck this thing with Zayn up. Things feel so much less hopeless when he’s with Zayn.
Seems like Louis texts back.
Harry rolls his eyes and throws his phone on the empty cushion next to him. Zayn has his eyes closed like he’s fallen asleep, but Harry can tell by his breathing that he’s not.
Harry doesn’t know what to do about Louis. He doesn’t want to deal with it right now and he’s not going to feel guilty about any of it - not about sleeping with Zayn and not about still wishing things could be different with Louis.
Maybe that’s part of why being with Zayn is so easy, because Harry knows things are complicated for Zayn too.
“You coming to mine tonight?” Zayn asks.
Harry startles. He’d been so lost in his own head that he hadn’t noticed Zayn looking at him.
“Pulling out your best moves for me I see,” Harry says.
Zayn shrugs, “Not my fault you’re easy, babe.”
The endearment makes Harry’s chest feel tight. He wants to lean down and kiss Zayn right here in front of the others, damn the consequences. Zayn must see it on his face because he smiles, but he sits up to save them both from what would definitely be an awkward conversation with the rest of the guys.
Right now pretending there’s nothing going on seems to be working best for all of them, but it doesn’t stop Harry from carrying that warm feeling with him for the rest of the day.
That night, in Zayn’s room, when Zayn rolls off to his side of the bed, Harry follows, spoons up behind him and buries his face in Zayn’s neck.
“Did you seriously just cuddle me?” Zayn asks.
Harry nips a bite at Zayn’s shoulder and doesn’t move away.
“So what if I did?” Harry asks.
Zayn huffs a laugh, leans back into it. “Just checking.”
~~~
Zayn should probably feel creepy about watching Harry sleep. Awake, Harry has one of the most expressive faces Zayn’s ever seen but all that goes away in sleep. He looks younger - a lot like he did the first time Zayn met him - and it makes Zayn’s chest tighten a little thinking about the kids they used to be.
So much has happened in the last two years. Zayn never imagined they’d be here - not the fame or the success or whatever this new thing is between the two of them.
Zayn’s suddenly so glad he’s a part of this. Sometimes it all goes too fast and Zayn forgets to appreciate it, but he doesn’t want that to happen with Harry. He wants to remember how he feels right now and keep it with him for later when things slow down and he has time to actually think about what it all means.
Harry rolls toward him, and he’s soft and warm and he looks so sweet that Zayn can’t help leaning in to kiss his mouth. Harry doesn’t wake up and Zayn feels relieved to have not been caught watching him sleep. He doesn’t know why he’s being so ridiculous about all of this.
The only thing that makes sense to Zayn is that he’d maybe been a little bit sadder than he’d even realized, and the last few weeks with Harry have been the complete opposite of sad.
Zayn’s been really happy with Harry and thinks it might be getting to the point where he’s going to have to talk to him about it. It’s scary and exhilarating all at once.
Zayn kisses him again, just because he can, and this time Harry opens his eyes.
“M’ sleepin’,” Harry mumbles.
It’s adorable and sexy just like Harry.
“I know.”
“Sleep with me,” Harry says and snuggles closer, slinging an arm across Zayn’s waist.
Zayn buries his nose in Harry’s hair and closes his eyes.
~~~
They wrap up the European leg of their tour and have four glorious days off before they have to fly to America for the next leg. Zayn turns his mobile off on the first day and sort of forgets to turn it back on.
It doesn’t even strike him as odd that no one has tried to contact him until he gets to the airport and Harry says, “Been avoiding me?”
Zayn’s eyebrows pull together. “Course not.”
Harry shrugs and pulls a face. “I tried calling.”
“Oh, sorry, mate,” Zayn says. “I turned it off and forgot about it, honestly.”
Zayn digs it out of his luggage and turns it back on even though it’s going to have to go off again as soon as they board the plane.
“It’s fine,” Harry says. “I was a bit lonely is all.”
“Was Lou with Eleanor?”
Harry makes another face and Zayn laughs. He doesn’t really get Harry’s thing with Eleanor. She’s a nice girl and it’s not like she’s actively trying to ruin Harry’s life. Zayn knows Harry wouldn’t like to hear it, so he doesn’t ever say it, but the reason that Louis isn’t with Harry is because of Louis, not Eleanor.
“Your face is going to stick like that,” Zayn says, but he flings an arm over Harry’s shoulders to take some of the sting out of it.
Zayn’s thinking about finding somewhere to get tea. He’s not even sure what time their plane leaves if he’s being honest, but he hates waiting around. He’s about to ask if Harry wants to go with him when Paul gathers them up to board.
“Good break?” Liam asks as they’re shuffling onto the plane.
“Yeah, good,” Zayn answers.
He’s following Harry, trying not to step on his heels, and he reaches out to brace his hands on Harry’s hips to keep him at least an arm’s length in front of him. He can feel Liam’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t turn around.
Louis is already sliding into a row of seats ahead of them and Zayn waits for Harry to move on, to claim his customary seat next to Louis. Instead, he moves into the next empty row, turns to Zayn to ask, “This okay?”
Zayn nods and takes the aisle seat, tries to hide his surprised smile by busying himself with his carry-on. Harry notices it, though, pokes him in the side and says, “What’s that face for?”
Zayn laughs and shakes his head. “Nothing. Just happy to be back, is all.”
Harry hooks his ankle over Zayn’s and grins. “Me too.”
By the time they land and check into their hotel, they’ve been traveling for close to ten hours. It’s only eight pm in New York, but it’s one am at home and they’re all exhausted.
Zayn is halfway in his room before he realizes that Harry is following him.
“Don’t feel like walking the rest of the way down the hall,” he says by way of explanation, setting his luggage down next to Zayn’s.
Zayn yawns and reaches out to circle a hand around Harry’s wrist. “Fine by me.”
He tugs Harry forward and presses a kiss to his jaw.
“You sleepy?” Harry asks, rucking Zayn’s shirt up to press his hands into bare skin at the small of his back.
“Completely wiped,” Zayn says. “But I could use a shower.”
Harry nods, tugs Zayn’s shirt up over his head. “I’d better go with you. For safety purposes. To make sure you don’t fall asleep in there.”
Zayn smiles, helps Harry out of his shirt, too. “I think that’s probably for the best. Wouldn’t want to drown.”
~~~
They have the entire next day free and Harry wakes Zayn up earlier than should be allowed. Harry points out that, because of the time difference, they’ve actually gotten plenty of sleep, but Zayn refuses to be mollified until Harry shoves a cup of coffee in his hands.
“You don’t want to waste the day, do you?” Harry asks.
“I kind of do, yeah,” Zayn says, taking a sip of the coffee. It’s too strong and Zayn makes a face.
Harry steals the cup back from him. “If you don’t like it, get your own. Seriously, though. I want to go to the Statue of Liberty.”
“Okay,” Zayn agrees. “That could be fun.”
“It’s going to be brilliant.” Harry smiles and Zayn reaches out to press his thumb into the dimple on his cheek.
“Have you asked the lads yet?”
Harry shakes his head. “I wasn’t planning on asking them, actually. I thought we could have the day, just you and me.”
“Like a date?’ Zayn asks, and just saying the word makes him feel ridiculous, nervous like he was the first time he asked a girl out.
He gets butterflies when Harry says, “Not like a date. An actual date.”
~~~
Zayn thinks that an actual date would be a lot better without a giant security guy trailing along behind them, but they hadn’t wanted to cause trouble the first day over, so they’d gotten the outing approved. The guy seems nice enough and he keeps his distance. As long as Zayn doesn’t turn around, it’s easy to forget he’s there.
Harry chatters happily on the ferry to Liberty Island and Zayn slings an arm over his shoulder to keep himself from doing anything more obvious like combing his fingers through the knots the wind is making in his curls.
“Did you know that her face was modeled after the sculptor’s mum?” Harry asks, gesturing at the statue across the water. He’s been spouting random facts since they left the hotel room and Zayn thinks it’s ridiculously adorable.
“Someone swallowed a guide book,” he teases and just barely flinches away in time to miss the elbow Harry jabs at his stomach.
“I was bored this morning, waiting for you to wake up, so I googled it.”
Zayn smiles and tugs Harry in closer to his side. Harry is watching him now instead of the statue and if Zayn were to turn his head a little to the right, they’d be forehead to forehead. He keeps looking straight out. Harry doesn’t look away, though, and it’s making Zayn feel self-conscious.
“What?” he asks, looking at Harry out of the corner of his eye.
“You’ve been a bit quiet,” Harry says, but he draws it out, more like a question than a statement.
“Is it weird that I’m nervous?” Zayn asks and when Harry laughs, he does turn his head, presses their foreheads together for a brief moment before turning back. “And now you’re laughing at me.”
Harry shakes his head. “Not at you.”
“It’s just…” Zayn huffs a breath, chews at his bottom lip for a second deciding whether he wants to embarrass himself further.
“Just what?” Harry presses, and Zayn rolls his eyes.
“Things have been pretty much the same between us. I mean, apart from the…you know.”
“Apart from the sex.” Harry sounds amused and Zayn doesn’t have to look to know exactly what smile he’s wearing.
“Apart from the sex,” Zayn repeats, because he can certainly say it, just maybe not as casually as Harry can. “This feels different, though.”
“Good different?” Harry asks.
Zayn touches their foreheads together again, lingers over it this time. “Really good, yeah.”
Harry nudges his nose against Zayn’s and Zayn wants to kiss him so bad it hurts, so he looks away, is grateful when Harry does, too.
“She’s made of copper, you know,” Harry says. “That’s why she’s green.”
~~~
When they get there and aren’t allowed inside, Zayn says, “I thought you googled it!”
“Yeah, but like, I didn’t go to an official website or whatever.”
Harry is disappointed, Zayn can tell. He claps a hand on Harry’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “They’ll be through with renovations next year, we’ll just have to come back.”
The corner of Harry’s mouth tilts up. “If you’re not sick of me by then.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen, mate.”
~~~
A few days later, Niall invites everyone to his hotel room to watch Toy Story, and even though they’ve all seen it a million times none of them can resist. Harry sits between Zayn’s thighs, pressed comfortably back against him and Zayn skims his fingers along the insides of Harry’s forearms, palm to elbow and back again.
It’s driving Harry mad.
Harry can see Liam watching them out of the corner of his eye in what Harry is sure Liam thinks is a surreptitious manner. It’s not. They still haven’t outright told any of the guys about them, but they haven’t been hiding it either. Still, they haven’t done much more than flirt heavily in front of the others, but if the disapproving look on Liam’s face is anything to go by the cat is out of the bag. Harry’s pretty sure Liam is trying to send him stop it signals, but it’s only making Harry want to turn around and fit his mouth against Zayn’s and really give Liam something to see.
The thought sparks of possessiveness, and Harry’s not entirely sure when his brain decided that he had the right to feel that way.
He tilts his head back on Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn leans in automatically, close enough for Harry to whisper, “What would you do if I kissed you right now?” with his lips brushing Zayn’s ear.
Zayn puffs out a breath and his fingers stutter and move to grip Harry’s wrists. He blushes adorably as he says, “I’d have a hard time not laying myself out on the nearest flat surface for you.” And the way he says it is so matter of fact that Harry’s half hard just thinking about it.
“Christ. Well we can’t have that, now can we?”
“I don’t know. I think I might be willing to risk it,” Zayn says, and then his lips are on Harry’s, soft and slow, and Harry goes boneless.
They don’t break apart until they hear the door click shut and it takes Harry a second to realize that Louis has left.
Liam and Niall are both openly staring now, and Zayn says, “What? I had something stuck in my teeth. Harry was just helping me get it out.”
Even Liam laughs at that and it eases the tension, but Harry’s mind is still on Louis. He doesn’t know what to do because his feelings for Louis haven’t changed, but his feelings for Zayn have. He’s starting to think he might not always be in love with Louis Tomlinson and that is something he wouldn’t have thought possible a month ago.
Still, he has to stop himself from following after Louis and pressing a confrontation. It’s obviously something he’s going to have to deal with and probably sooner rather than later. He’s just not certain what good it will do at this point.
Zayn nudges Harry and it’s enough to get him out of his own head.
“You okay?” Zayn asks.
Harry doesn’t know what he is. Everything is so twisted. What started out simple isn’t anymore and Harry can’t help feeling like everyone is going to get hurt and it’s going to be his fault. It’s not something he wants Zayn to worry about though. He doesn’t want to hurt Zayn and the realization that things have changed that much - that there’s enough between them now that Zayn could get hurt - scares the hell out of him.
“I’m good,” Harry says.
He leans back against Zayn and breathes.
Part 2