Writing Moments on the Wall With Different Colors

[lissabear02]

After a show the first thing Zayn wants is food. He can usually convince Niall to go with him because Niall likes eating about as much as Zayn likes to sleep, but the venue tonight was outside and they’re all disgusting. Not even Niall is willing to forgo a shower to eat.

“I’ll go with you,” Liam says.

And honestly, Zayn should have been suspicious right then and there. It’s a testament to how hungry he is that he didn’t catch on sooner.

The hotel sets them up in a small conference room near the restaurant and they both order burgers even though Zayn’s so sick of them he could scream. He misses his mum’s cooking.

“I think you should be careful,” Liam says.

He’s got his serious face on and it’s then that Zayn realizes this was all just Liam’s way of having a talk with him.

“I dunno what you mean, mate,” Zayn says because if Liam is going to make things awkward then Zayn isn’t going to help make it less so.

“You and Harry,” Liam says. “Just - be careful.”

Zayn’s feelings for Liam aren’t fake. Liam is wonderful in so many ways. He’s kind and generous and he’s the type of person who listens - truly listens instead of just waiting for his own turn to speak. He’s easily one of the best people Zayn has ever met, and he’s nothing like Harry.

Liam doesn’t hide anything. If he’s hurt he wears it on his face. There’s nothing to discover about Liam because he gives it all away so freely that Zayn’s never needed to go looking for anything. Harry is complicated. Harry hides so many things. He’s cheeky and flashy and the parts of himself he lets people see sparkle so brightly that sometimes it’s hard to see who he really is underneath it all.

Zayn thought he was in love with Liam but being with Harry is starting to make him re-evaluate. He doesn’t know if he’s in love with Harry, but he thinks he might be getting there, and it’s so different from what he felt for Liam. It’s scary and thrilling and all the things Zayn has tried so hard to avoid in his life.

Harry isn’t safe.

Liam is safe. Zayn doesn’t have to be guarded with him.

“I am being careful,” Zayn says.

“You’re really not,” Liam says. “You’re - you have feelings for him and he and Louis are -“
Zayn doesn’t want to think about that.

“Louis has a girlfriend,” Zayn says. “We’re not doing anything wrong.”

Zayn doesn’t get angry all that often. He’s pretty chill, not because he doesn’t care, but because anger has always seemed like such an exhausting emotion. Zayn is tired enough as it is. He’s angry now though -- at Liam and Louis and maybe even Harry and himself too. The entire thing is starting to feel like some overwrought American TV show and it’s pissing him off.

“And it’s not like Louis hasn’t had his chance,” Zayn says. “He’s had all the chances. Two years’ worth of chances.”

Liam shakes his head and says, “But none of that matters if they love each other.”

Zayn doesn’t know what to say to that. It hurts someplace deep inside and it’s like nothing he’s ever felt before.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Liam says.

Zayn doesn’t know when that even became a possibility, but he’s afraid it might already be too late.

~~~

Harry has plans with Zayn, but Zayn is eating with Liam and he’ll probably want a shower after that, so there’s time to kill. He should be using it to call his mum or pack for the move to the next city tomorrow, but he’s playing on his phone instead.

A little later, there’s a knock on the door. Harry is expecting Zayn so he’s surprised when he opens the door and finds Louis instead.

“We need to talk,” Louis says.

He doesn’t wait for Harry to invite him in. He puts his hand on Harry’s hip and just pushes past him.

“Do come in,” Harry says.

He feels shitty about it as soon as it’s out of his mouth. There have never been any boundaries between any of them, but especially not Louis. They live together and up until recently they’d shared a hotel room almost every single night. Even now they usually have keys to one another’s rooms. An open invitation to pop in is understood. Harry’s door has always been open to Louis.

Louis stares at him and doesn’t say anything. Harry’s chest hurts. He wishes he could just make this feeling go away. He’s been so happy the last few weeks. He and Zayn are turning out so differently than he imagined, but there’s still Louis. Harry wants to get over him, but he’s starting to wonder if Louis is ever going to not be there in the back of Harry’s mind.

“You and Zayn-“

“Are none of your business,” Harry interrupts.

They’re not. Harry doesn’t owe Louis anything. Louis is not an injured party here even if he seems to want to act like one.

“I broke up with Eleanor tonight,” Louis says.

Harry’s been waiting for those words for almost a year. He used to imagine what would happen when he heard them. He never imagined this - this sick, stomach turning sadness.

“Louis,” Harry says.

“No,” Louis says. “I’m - I don’t want to mess you up, or Zayn either. I love you both, but I-“

“Why now,” Harry says and he’s almost yelling. His voice echoes a little in the empty space between them. He takes a deep breath and tries to calm some of the panic he’s feeling.

“I know I’m a wanker,” Louis says. “I know I’m the worst kind of arsehole, but I honestly didn’t get it until I realized I was going to lose you.”

Harry laughs bitterly. They’ve been stringing one another along for years. They’ve been playing a game of cat and mouse and Harry is as guilty of it as Louis is.

“You never had me,” Harry says.

“Bullshit,” Louis says. “I have you. You have me.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something else - to cut Louis - to hurt him the way Harry hurts, but before he can get the words out Louis surges forward and pushes Harry against the wall.
Louis kisses him and it’s not what Harry was expecting at all. It’s desperate and needy. Louis cups Harry’s face with both hands - the tips of his fingers twisting in Harry’s hair.
Harry shouldn’t kiss him back - he shouldn’t - but his body and his heart have sided against his brain on this one. Harry fists a hand in Louis’ hair and kisses back until they’re both breathless and clinging.

Louis kisses down Harry’s jaw to his neck, scraping his teeth over skin, and Harry knows where this is going. Part of him wants to let it. Part of him wants to take everything Louis’ offering him and keep Zayn, too, but life doesn’t work that way. There will be consequences for Harry’s actions, even if they’re the last thing he wants to think about now.

“No,” Harry says. “Stop.”

Louis pulls Harry closer -- but he does stop -- pressing his face to Harry’s neck and breathing deeply.

“I’m not just sleeping with Zayn,” Harry says. “I care about him.”

Louis steps back. “And I don’t want to hurt him but if you love me-“

“I don’t know,” Harry says.

It’s the worst lie he’s ever told. It’s so terrible - the way it makes Louis’ face look so completely destroyed.

“I think I might love you both,” Harry says.

Harry kind of wants to laugh hysterically. The entire situation is fucked. He and Louis have always had the shittiest timing.

“What now?” Louis asks.

This is bigger than Harry. It’s bigger than Harry and Louis and Zayn even, because whatever happens is going to affect the entire group. Harry can be a shitty person sometimes - they all can - but the band is the most important thing in his life. It comes first even when putting it first breaks his heart sometimes.

“I need to tell Zayn,” Harry says. “I don’t want to keep things from him.”

“He’ll hate me,” Louis says.

Harry can’t imagine any scenario where he could hate any of the lads. He’s pretty sure it’s the same for all of them. Zayn said it once in some interview - but it only strikes Harry now how true it is - no matter what happens they are always going to love one another. They’re all going to live happily ever after - somehow.

“No,” Harry says. “He could never hate you.”

“And you?”

“Never,” Harry says. “But I need you to give me a little bit of time.”

“Okay,” Louis says. “I can wait.”

Harry takes Louis’ hand and squeezes it once before walking him to the door.

~~~

It’s not as if they can’t spend a night apart, it’s just that they haven’t, not since this whole thing started. They’d parted earlier with Harry saying, “See you in a bit,” but it’s two in the morning and Zayn still hasn’t heard from him. Not that he’s been waiting up.

They’ve been using Zayn’s room because Zayn tends to keep his things in order whereas Harry dumps his shit out all over the bed any time he’s looking for something, but Zayn wonders if he’s gotten his wires crossed, if maybe they were meant to have met in Harry’s room tonight.

He contemplates just going to bed, but he really would rather be with Harry than not, so he decides to walk over and knock on his door. He has a key to Harry’s room, but if Harry feels like being alone tonight, Zayn wants to give him the option of not answering.

He’s only halfway out the door when Harry’s door opens down the hall. Louis comes out of Harry’s room, and Harry follows him out and leans against the door frame. Louis looks wrecked for the second that Zayn can see his face. He turns around and says Harry’s name softly.

Harry’s whole face changes. He looks so open and vulnerable and he tips his head down when Louis steps into his space and presses their foreheads together. Louis is speaking softly again - too softly for Zayn to hear what he’s saying - and Harry raises a hand to the back of Louis’ neck and squeezes.

Zayn feels like the worst kind of voyeur. He shouldn’t be seeing this. He slips back into his room and leans against the door and wishes there was some way he could forget he ever saw them together. The image of the two of them leaning into one another is burned into his brain. It punches through Zayn’s chest like a battering ram. He feels like maybe he should have been expecting this.

Zayn walks to the bed on legs that don’t feel like they’re a part of him anymore. It’s like his lungs are all that’s left and they burn, unable to go through the process of breathing without the rest of his body. If he loses Harry now, it’ll hurt worse than not having Liam ever did.

It’s strange how quickly things change. A month ago Zayn would have been happy for Harry. A month ago he would have wished them both well and been overjoyed that Harry was finally getting what he wanted. Now, his head is a mess - denial and panic warring with the need to keep Harry with him. It’s a need he didn’t even realize he had until the prospect of losing Harry became real.

He hasn’t had a cigarette in weeks, but he wants one now. He digs a crumpled pack out of the bottom of his suitcase and takes it to the window. He smokes three, one right after the other until his lungs burn from something besides his inability to draw a proper breath. He leaves the window open and goes to take a shower. He doesn’t towel off after, just drips on the carpet and crawls into bed still wet.

He’s just drifting off when he hears Harry let himself into the room. Zayn focuses on keeping his breathing even and doesn’t roll over, not even when he hears Harry’s clothes hit the floor. Harry slides in under the covers and immediately tosses them back off.

“Shit, it’s damp in there.” He reaches a hand up and cards it through Zayn’s wet hair. “Haven’t you ever heard of a towel?”

“Didn’t feel like bothering with one,” Zayn mumbles, and his voice sounds raw even to his own ears.

“Are you alright?” Harry asks.

Zayn laughs instead of answering, but there’s no humor behind it.

Harry gets up and closes the window, goes to the bathroom and comes out with a towel. He leaves the bathroom light on and it spills out into the room leaving Zayn without anywhere to hide.

He comes back to the bed and tugs on Zayn’s arms to get him to sit up. Zayn lets himself be manhandled; lets Harry rub the towel over his hair, over his shoulders and down his back.
When he’s done, Harry tosses the towel on the floor and sits shoulder to shoulder with Zayn.

“This is a nonsmoking room, you know?”

Zayn nods. “Didn’t really give a shit at the time.”

“Want to tell me why?”

Zayn doesn’t, not really. What he wants is to touch Harry while he still can, before someone takes it away from him, so he reaches over and twines their fingers together.

“Are we still telling the truth?” he asks.

It takes Harry a second to respond, but then he laughs. “Oh, the naked pact? Yeah, of course.”

Zayn peeks over at Harry out of the corner of his eye. “Tell me what happened with Louis.”

Harry’s fingers squeeze around Zayn’s and Zayn squeezes back, says, “It’s okay, I’m not mad.”

“How did you know?” Harry asks.

“Saw him leaving your room earlier.”

“Shit,” Harry says. “We didn’t sleep together if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Zayn feels one of the smaller knots in his chest come undone, but it’s replaced by a bigger one when Harry says, “Louis broke up with Eleanor.”

His hand is still linked with Harry’s, but Zayn isn’t holding on anymore. He huffs out a breath, says, “I understand.”

Harry shakes his head, shifts and reaches out to cup a hand around Zayn’s neck. “I’m not sure you do, though.”

“No, you’re right,” Zayn agrees. “I don’t understand. Because we’re not in the same spot anymore. Liam’s not it for me like I thought he was, like the way Louis is for you.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but Zayn cuts him off. “No, let me get this out. I won’t stand in the way of you and Louis because I never want to hurt you like that. I’ll take myself out of the equation if that’s what you want, but you should know that I want you every bit as much as he does.”

Harry closes his eyes and Zayn almost feels bad for making things harder for him. Harry didn’t sign on for this and Zayn has probably broken some unspoken rule by dragging his feelings into the mix.

Zayn’s not expecting it when Harry opens his eyes and says, “I don’t want you to take yourself out of it, though.”

“What about Louis?”

“I don’t know.” Harry presses his forehead to Zayn’s, rolls it from side to side like he’d be shaking his head if he could bear to break the contact. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Zayn says, pressing their lips together and tangling his hands in Harry’s hair. “It’s okay.”

Zayn thinks he should be pulling back, preparing himself for what’s likely to happen in the end, but he doesn’t want to deny Harry anything, wants him to know that he already has everything.

“Can we…” Harry asks, pushing Zayn onto his back and climbing on top of him, grinding their cocks together. Zayn isn’t hard, but neither is Harry.

Zayn says, “Yeah. Of course.”

He kisses Harry until they’re both breathless, until they’re both hard and gasping at every touch.

“I want to fuck you,” Harry pants, and Zayn does the only thing he can do, points Harry in the direction of the lube and lays himself out to be taken, only Harry’s not taking anything Zayn doesn’t want to give.

Harry works him open, slow and perfect and not nearly enough. Zayn feels like he might die from it. He wonders when it’ll happen, when all of his layers will be gone and there will be nothing left for Harry to peel back. He thinks he’ll probably let Harry keep pulling, even after that.

When Harry pushes into him, Zayn says his name and Harry whispers Zayn’s right back, chants it like it’s the only word he knows.

Afterward, Zayn curls in around Harry. He feels boneless, but not weightless, uncertainty crushing down on him like water pressure.

“Where does this leave us?” He thinks that maybe he should have asked before.

“I don’t know,” Harry says. “Maybe I need a little space.”

Zayn rolls away from him and closes his eyes. “Maybe you should start taking it now.”

Harry chokes on a breath that sounds like a sob, but Zayn doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t want to see, because every cell in Zayn’s body is screaming at him to reach out, to lend comfort even though he doesn’t have any to spare.

He doesn’t watch Harry go.

~~~

Zayn tries to sleep, but his brain won’t shut off. He’d been resigned before, ready to back off and let Harry have what he wanted. He’d assumed that it’d be Louis. Then Harry had acted as if his mind wasn’t already made up. The more Zayn thinks about it, the less passive he feels.

It takes him a lot longer than it should to work through it, to realize that he’s angry more than anything. He’s angry at Harry for planting the idea that Zayn’s got any chance in this. He’s angry at himself for believing it. Mostly though, he’s angry at Louis for waiting long enough that Zayn and Eleanor would be casualties of it before making his move.

He’s never wanted to hit Louis before, not in a serious way, but his hands shake with wanting to do it now.

It’s not a nice thing, but Zayn wants Louis to feel as shitty as he does, so he pulls on trousers and a shirt and walks to Louis’ room. It’s four in the morning, but Zayn knocks anyway. He’s not expecting the door to open so quickly or the hopeful look on Louis’ face. Louis had obviously been expecting Harry and his face changes when he sees Zayn.

Zayn doesn’t actually mean to hit him, but his fist shoots out on reflex and catches Louis square on the jaw. Louis doesn’t look half as shocked as Zayn feels.

“Shit,” Zayn says, reaching out to tug Louis’ hand away from where it’s cupping his jaw. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

Louis braces his hands on his knees. “I definitely deserved that. Fuck, I think I bit a chunk out of my cheek.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I think I broke my hand.”

Louis laughs and opens the door wider, ushers Zayn inside.

Louis sits on the bed and Zayn puts one hand on the back of his head, cups the other around his uninjured jaw and tilts Louis’ face up to get a look at the damage. It looks like it might be swelling up a bit so Zayn takes the bucket from the table and trudges down the hall to get ice. When he gets back, he makes two bundles out of washcloths, hands one to Louis and presses the other one over his knuckles.

He settles down in a chair across from Louis. “You’re a mess.”

Louis laughs. “Yeah, well that makes two of us.”

“Fair enough,” Zayn says.

They fall silent for a bit, only broken by the sound of ice clicking together any time Louis readjusts his pack. Finally, Louis says, “This is all Harry’s fault.”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, mate. I’m pretty sure this one’s on you.”

Louis looks defiant. “You knew how I felt about him.”

“You can’t use that, Louis. Not when you went out and got a girlfriend.”

“I can’t apologize for that,” Louis says, but he looks like he might want to.

“No one’s asking you to. What you should be sorry for is being that kid on the playground who doesn’t want a toy until some other kid is playing with it.”

“It’s not like that,” Louis protests, but it’s halfhearted at best.

“No? Explain it to me, then.” Zayn says, and he waits and waits, but Louis apparently doesn’t have an answer. “Whatever. Just don’t do this, not if you’re not a million percent sure.”

Louis looks up, holds Zayn’s eyes and Zayn continues. “I’m serious. If there’s any chance that you might change your mind…”

“I won’t.”

Zayn rolls his eyes, tosses his icepack on the table and examines his bruised knuckles. Louis’ hand covers his and Zayn doesn’t pull back because he loves Louis, even through all of this.

Louis asks, “Are you in love with him?”

Zayn looks up and Louis must see something in his face, because he says, “Yeah, ok.”

Louis’ fingers are still brushing softly over Zayn’s knuckles and Zayn reaches out, runs the pad of his thumb down Louis’ jaw.

“He loves us both, you know,” Louis says.

Zayn laughs. “I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.”

“Yeah.”

Louis really does look terrible and it makes Zayn’s stomach clench, all of the anger seeping out of him until he’s just tired. “Now what?”

Louis shrugs. “We wait, I guess.”

Zayn nods. “Right. Mind if I wait here tonight?”

The entire situation is fucked because Zayn thinks he should probably be fighting for Harry, but he doesn’t want to fight Louis.

“That’s it?” Louis asks. “We just go back to normal.”

“Probably not, in the end. But, I don’t really feel like being alone right now.”

“Come to bed, then,” Louis says, and his smile is so beautiful that it makes Zayn wish there were a way for them all to have what they want.

~~~

Harry is the last one down to the van the next morning and everyone is milling about waiting for him. He hasn’t slept much and he’s sure he looks it. Zayn and Louis, on the other hand, both look so incredible it hurts Harry to look at them. That doesn’t stop him from casting glances.

It isn’t until Liam asks about it that Harry notices the bruise on Louis’ face. Louis gives some excuse, got pissed and fell onto a table corner, but Liam is looking past Louis at Zayn, worry plain on his face.

At first, Harry thinks Liam must have it wrong. He can’t imagine Zayn hitting anyone, least of all one of them, but the evidence is there in the swelling around Zayn’s knuckles. Harry wants to do something, wants to brush his lips over Louis’ face or curl his fingers around the hem of Zayn’s shirt and say, “You hit the wrong person.”

He can’t do both of those things at once and his feet won’t carry him toward one or the other, so he just stands there uselessly until they’re all ushered into the van.

He’s shuffled into the backseat, squeezed in between Liam and Niall, which leaves the middle seat for Zayn and Louis. Harry wonders if that’s the best idea, given the circumstances.
It’s apparently fine, though, because as soon as they’re off, Zayn drops his head onto Louis’ shoulder.

“Wake me when we get there, yeah?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Louis answers, propping his arm on the back of the seat and scratching lightly at the short hairs at the nape of Zayn’s neck.

Harry knows that Zayn loves that, that it makes him go loose and pliant. As he watches, Zayn lifts his damaged hand, touches his knuckles to the purple spot on Louis’ jaw. It’s like an apology and something about it makes Harry’s chest feel tight.

He forces himself to look away. Liam is watching him, his gaze full of questions, and Harry doesn’t have any answers so he turns to Niall who is chattering happily at no one in particular. He’s giving Harry a headache, but he’s the only safe place to look. Harry keeps him talking long after he probably would have tapered off.

The interview is televised, so when they get there, they’re sent through hair and makeup. When it’s Louis’ turn in the chair, Zayn stands at his shoulder and watches as the bruise is covered over.

Harry knows he has no right to feel resentful that they’ve apparently turned to each other, if anything he should be happy that he isn’t wrecking their friendship, but neither of them has so much as glanced his way all morning and it’s making him jealous.

Even more than that, Zayn and Louis sit pressed together at one end of the couch for the interview and it makes Harry spark with something besides jealousy. He wants them both more than should be possible.

He isn’t sure what he was expecting, but Zayn and Louis are completely normal during the interview. They laugh and joke and answer the same old questions. Liam looks relieved except for when he looks at Harry and it’s all making Harry slightly mental. He only answers direct questions from the interviewer and he’s so short that eventually the guy stops asking him anything at all. He knows that he should be faking it better, but he can’t dredge up enough energy to try.

Afterward, Liam pulls him aside. Harry braces himself for a lecture, but one never comes.

Liam’s face is soft. “I was fully prepared to be angry with you, but it looks like you’re hurting yourself more than anyone.”

“What the hell is wrong with me?” Harry asks.

Liam tugs Harry into a hug, squeezes tight and says, “They are both pretty brilliant.”

Harry laughs and fists his hands in the back of Liam’s shirt. “Do you have plans tonight?”

It’s an off night and Harry doesn’t feel like being alone. He could probably talk Niall into going out and getting pissed, but Niall seems pretty oblivious to the whole situation and Harry would rather mope around in Liam’s room than put on a happy face.

Liam says, “I was going to sit down and do a proper twitcam, but I could probably be persuaded otherwise.”

Harry is stupidly grateful when they pile back into the van and Liam snags them the middle seat.

“Feel like having a kip when we get back?” Liam asks.

Harry smiles his first real smile of the morning. “You’re a quality human being, Liam Payne.”

~~~

Back at their hotel, Zayn watches Harry go off with Liam. He’d spent most of the morning trying not to look at Harry - not because he didn’t want to, but because he thought that might make things easier for Harry.

Now that Zayn’s allowing himself to look, he doesn’t like what he sees. Harry looks tired and sad and Zayn wants nothing more than to go over and comfort him, to remove Liam’s arm from where it’s wrapped around Harry’s waist and take care of Harry himself.

But, Louis is still standing at Zayn’s shoulder where he’s been all morning. He’s tucked in close to Zayn, but he’s looking at Harry too.

“We’re so fucked, mate,” Zayn says.

Louis rocks back on his heels and bites on his bottom lip - shakes his head - and says, “Nothing to be done about it.”

There really isn’t and it’s the helplessness of it all that’s driving Zayn mad.

“Wanna go get pissed?” Zayn asks.

It’s not even midday yet, but Zayn doesn’t want to have to think about anything anymore. They don’t have anywhere to be tonight for once and the idea of drinking until he passes out is awfully appealing.

“I’ll buy,” Louis says.

They have a couple of drinks in the hotel bar, but Zayn can already see people glancing at them. A couple people have even snapped photos with their mobiles. Zayn wants to get good and pissed. The kind of pissed where he can’t feel his tongue or the tips of his fingers and when he talks it doesn’t make any sense. That’s not the kind of pissed that goes over well in public places anymore, especially since they’re not technically legal to drink in the states. Zayn doesn’t want pictures of Louis and himself plastered all over tumblr and twitter tomorrow.

“Let’s get some bottles sent up to my room, Lou,” Zayn says.

He inclines his head at a table of girls who are openly staring at them. One of them looks like she’s trying to muster the courage to come and talk to them. Zayn doesn’t know about Louis, but he’s definitely not in the mood to deal with fans right now.

“Right,” Louis says.

They have a couple bottles of vodka sent to Zayn’s room. Sitting with Louis in the quiet of his room drinking out of generic hotel glasses is strange. Maybe leaving the bar was a bad idea. Zayn feels restless, which is odd considering they’ve already killed an entire bottle. His skin feels itchy.

Louis must notice because he says, “Have a smoke, mate.”

Zayn gets up and opens the sliding door to the balcony. The chairs are pulled all the way back to the glass to try and protect them from nosy camera lenses. None of it really matters. Zayn’s accepted that fans will go to almost any lengths to snap a picture of them.

“Come with me,” Zayn asks.

Louis hates smoking. He hates it - the way it smells and the way it lingers on people’s clothes and hair. Zayn should leave him to enjoy his drink in peace -- but he doesn’t want to be alone - not even for the five minutes it will take him to smoke.

“Sure,” Louis says.

It is obvious Louis doesn’t want to be alone either. Zayn feels so grateful for him right now and he wonders why nothing is playing out like he thinks it should. He should hate Louis. They should be fighting right now. They both want the same thing and one of them is going to lose. One of them isn’t going to get what he wants, but Zayn can’t help thinking that if he lets it break them then they’ll all lose in the end. His relationships with the lads are easily the most important relationships of Zayn’s adult life.

“What if he picks you?” Zayn asks.

“What if he picks you?” Louis counters.

Zayn doesn’t know. He doesn’t know.

“I don’t know.”

“I - If he picks me I feel like we lose you,” Louis says.

Zayn thinks that might be true. He doesn’t know if he can pretend not to love them.

It hits him like a well-placed blow to the stomach. All of his air is suddenly gone. He can’t get air to move into his lungs and his head feels dizzy from the lack of oxygen, or maybe from the vodka.

He doesn’t want to lose Harry. He doesn’t want to let him go, but he doesn’t want Harry if it means losing Louis. He doesn’t want to lose either of them. It’s so ridiculous what he wants. It’s impossible and stupid and Zayn is going to end up with his heart ripped out of his chest and shredded into irreparable pieces.

He doubles over even though logically he knows he hasn’t actually been hit. Louis puts a palm on his back and rubs between his shoulder blades.

“You alright, mate?”

Zayn drops the cigarette still clutched in his fingers and shakes his head - panicked - he really can’t breathe.

“Zayn, Jesus,” Louis says.

Louis stands up and pulls Zayn up too. He looks at Zayn’s face. Zayn doesn’t know what he sees there but he says, “Jesus,” again and then he pushes Zayn against the glass and kisses him.

Louis kisses frantically. It’s all messy tongues and harsh breathing, but at least Zayn is breathing again. He can’t get enough. He clutches at Louis’ shoulders and lets himself be kissed until his lips hurt.

Louis is the one who finally breaks them apart. He presses their foreheads together and sighs.
It’s something Zayn’s seen him do a thousand times with Harry and he’s so overcome with affection that he can’t help but press kisses against the corner of Louis’ mouth.

“What are we doing?” Louis asks.

“I don’t know,” Zayn says. “I can’t lose you though.”

“This is barmy. We’re all round the bend,” Louis says.

“Maybe,” Zayn says.

And maybe they are. But suddenly Zayn can’t see why they all shouldn’t have exactly what they want. He’s old enough to know that people don’t always get everything in life, but he’s also done things in the last year that never should have been possible. Two years ago, when he tried out for the X-Factor, his family thought he had lost his mind. He shouldn’t be here now. He shouldn’t be living this life -- because people don’t always get what they want -- dreams don’t always come true.

But sometimes they do. Every now and then the impossible becomes possible.

“Maybe not, though,” Zayn says.

Louis shakes his head. He looks so torn up and scared. It’s such a rare look on Louis -- who is always moving and thinking and being in the moment without regard to consequence - and Zayn can’t stand it. He pulls Louis in again and kisses the frown off his lips.

~~~

Harry blinks his eyes open and Liam says, “Good, you’re awake.”

He’s sitting cross-legged on the end of the bed and he’s just watching Harry with this determined look on his face. It’s creeping Harry out a little.

“What time is it?” Harry asks.

“It’s time to choose your destiny.”

Apparently the hour for choosing one’s destiny is eleven pm. Liam has let Harry sleep the day away. Harry might be annoyed if he hadn’t so obviously needed it. His head is still a mess, but it feels clearer than it had that morning, so he counts it a win.

“Come on, up. Get up,” Liam says. He tugs the covers off of Harry and kicks at him with a sock-clad foot until Harry tumbles out of bed.

Harry stretches and glares at Liam. “Where’s the fire, mate?”

Liam tosses something at Harry. It’s Harry’s swim trunks. “We’re going down to the pool. Come on.”

“The pool’s probably closed by now,” Harry points out, tossing the trunks back at Liam who is, now that Harry’s given him a proper once over, wearing his own swim trunks. With socks.

“That’s the point,” Liam says.

He tosses the trunks back again and this time Harry puts them on. He makes Liam remove his socks before he’ll leave the room.

In the lift he asks, “What does the pool have to do with my destiny?”

“Nothing,” Liam says. “I just really wanted a swim. I do intend to help you sort things out, though.”

Harry isn’t sure how Liam plans to go about doing that, but he’s willing to give him a shot. It certainly couldn’t make matters any worse.

The pool turns out to be heated and Harry spends a long time just floating on his back. Liam leaves him to it, swimming slow laps up and down the length of the pool. Harry’s fingers look like raisins by the time Liam’s ready to get out.

They trudge back up to the room and Liam pulls a couple of bottles out of the mini-bar, holds them up for Harry’s inspection.

“Are you going to need these, do you think?”

Harry considers for a second. The fact that Liam offered is enough, so he shakes his head. “No. Not tonight.”

Liam smiles and returns the bottles. “Good.”

They sit on the bed, hip to hip, and Liam says, “Okay, I’m going to give you a situation and you’re going to answer either Zayn or Louis.”

He has a pad of paper and a pen and Harry watches as he draws out a table with a column for Zayn and a column for Louis.

“Are you going to make tallies?” Harry asks disbelievingly.

“Do you want my help or not?”

Harry wants to point out that he never actually asked for help, but Liam levels him with a look so he mimes zipping his mouth shut, locking it up and throwing away the key.

“Okay,” Liam says, all business. “If you were sick, who would you want to take care of you?”

Harry shakes his head. “I’m supposed to answer Zayn or Louis, right? But they’d both be shit at that. Louis would be bored and Zayn can’t handle gross things. It’d have to be you.”

Liam thinks about it for a second and then scribbles his own name down in a new column, adds a tally underneath.

“Who do you most want to shag?”

“Unfair question, seeing as I’ve already shagged Zayn.”

Liam puts another tally under his own name and Harry laughs. “No. No, that’s not accurate.”

Liam shrugs. “If you won’t give me an answer, I’m just going to keep marking myself.”

There’s a brief scuffle when Harry tries to wrestle the pen away from Liam, but to no avail.

“Can we at least call it a draw?” Harry asks. “I know for a fact that sex with Zayn is incredible, so of course I want to do it again. But I’m also pretty sure that sex with Louis would be off the charts and I’d like to test that theory.”

Liam taps the pen against the page as if debating whether or not Harry’s answer is sufficient. In the end, he puts a mark under Louis’ name and one under Zayn’s.

“Alright, next question. Who would you go to if you needed cheering up?”

In the end, Liam has twelve tallies, Niall has four, and Zayn and Louis each have six.

“Well,” Harry says. “That was less than helpful.”

“Yeah,” Liam agrees. “All we’ve learned from this is that you secretly want to date me, too.”

Harry gives him a poke in the ribs and Liam swats at him with the notepad. It devolves into Liam holding Harry down and ticking him until he’s breathless with it.

Afterward, Liam lets Harry curl up against his chest and Harry asks, “Why can’t things be simple?”

Liam gives him a squeeze, says, “I wish I could make them simple for you, babe.”

Harry wishes that too. He’s not going to find the right answer by making lists of pros and cons. The truth is that he loves them both. He doesn’t know why everyone tries to sell some true love fantasy about finding “the one”, because now more than ever before Harry knows that doesn’t exist. He is definitely in love with two people, two completely different people with completely different personalities, and there is no right choice.

“I don’t want to choose,” Harry says.

He’s been on the verge of crying for most of the day and his throat hurts from trying to hold it back.

“I know, Haz,” Liam says.

Harry stops trying to be strong. He cries and cries and tries to believe it when Liam tells him everything is going to be okay.

~~~

Zayn kisses Louis until he has his mouth memorized, until he’d know the taste and the feel of it even in the dark. It goes from desperate to frantic to slow and sweet and then back again, round and round so many times that Zayn’s head spins with it.

In the back of his mind, a spark is building. It feels like hope and Zayn clings to it like a lifeline. He pulls back and Louis chases his mouth.

“Wait,” he says, holds Louis off with a hand to his shoulder.

Louis’ eyes open and he looks a mess. His hair is worse off than usual, cheeks pink, lips swollen. Zayn realizes he’s the one who made Louis look that way and he has to kiss him again.

The next time they break apart, Zayn puts the width of the balcony between them. “Just. Hold off a minute.”

Louis laughs, drags a hand through his hair. “Could this get any more complicated?”

“That’s the thing, though,” Zayn says. He reaches out a hand and then pulls it back when Louis moves to take it. “No, wait. Stay there. Let me say this.”

Louis raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t move. “Go ahead.”

“Could we make this work?” Zayn asks. “All three of us, I mean?”

Louis’ eyes flash wide, like the idea never would have occurred to him, and Zayn guesses he can see how it might not have. It’s not logical. The thing is, though, Louis isn’t logical-not half the time, anyway-and Zayn thinks he might be able to get Louis to come around to it.

Louis shakes his head. “That’s not how things work.”

“Who says it’s not?”

“I don’t know.” Louis is waving his arms around like he can’t catch his balance. “Society. And…and Liam, probably. And everyone else in the entire world.”

Zayn is used to people telling him what he can’t do. There were droves of people ready to tell him how he was wasting his time trying out for X Factor and they were all wrong.

Zayn shrugs. “Fuck ‘em.”

“Fuck ‘em?” Louis repeats. He sounds a little hysterical.

“Sure. The only three people who matter are you and me and Harry.”

Louis’ looking at Zayn like he’s grown a second head.

“I mean, we’d have to ask Harry about it. But there’s no point in taking it any farther if you don’t want it. If you don’t want me,” Zayn says.

“You know I care about you,” Louis says. “I never want to hurt you.”

It feels like Louis is trying to let Zayn down easy, and it’s making Zayn feel stupid and embarrassed.

“If you don’t want me just say so,” Zayn snaps.

“I tried to kiss you last month. I think I made it fairly clear I want you.”

“You were drunk,” Zayn says, waving a hand at Louis.

“Yes but I don’t do things when I’m drunk that I wouldn’t do when I’m sober. I just do things I shouldn’t do,” Louis says.

“Are you saying-“

“I’m saying yes. I’m saying I want to try this - the three of us,” Louis says.

Louis crosses the space between them in two strides, fists his hands in Zayn’s hair and drags him down for a kiss. Zayn is gasping for breath by the time Louis pulls away.

“We’re going to talk to Harry, then?” he asks.

“Yes,” Louis says. “Yes.”

“Should I ask you again when we’re sober?” Zayn asks, sneaking a hand up the back of Louis’ shirt and sliding it along the length of his spine.

Louis lets his head fall forward, pressing into Zayn’s neck. “I think I’m good, actually. It’s strange how easy this feels, now that we’ve come to it.”

“I think maybe it was always there,” Zayn says. “Only there were too many other people in the way for us to see it.”

Louis tugs on Zayn’s arm. “We should move inside.”

Zayn goes willingly and lets Louis tug him into bed. “We’ll talk to Harry tomorrow?”

Louis laughs. “He’s going to think we’re off our rockers."

~~~

In the morning, Harry leaves Liam’s room and spends a few seconds contemplating whether or not he should go knock on Zayn’s or Louis’ door. He’s pretty sure they would both let him in and that makes him feel shitty enough that he goes back to his own room and spends half an hour doing sit ups while he thinks about how he’s not any closer to figuring out what he wants.

The sad truth is he wants both of them and his indecision is only succeeding in making the chance of having either of them grow slimmer by the day.

Harry moves on to pushups and he’s worked up a good sweat when he’s interrupted by a knock at his door.

He’s surprised to find both Zayn and Louis on the other side, although after yesterday maybe he shouldn’t be.

“Can we talk?” Zayn asks.

Harry moves aside to let them in and Louis puts his hand on Zayn’s lower back as they move through the door. It makes Harry’s gut twist with want.

Everyone stands awkwardly staring at one another and Harry thinks this is it. They’re going to make him choose or give him some kind of ultimatum and Harry still doesn’t know what he’s going to do. Maybe they’re here to tell him he can get lost. Harry really doesn’t know what he’ll do if that’s what is about to happen. He’s not above begging.

“Louis and I wanted to -“ Zayn stops talking and Louis reaches out and squeezes his arm.

Harry can’t help but look at the point of contact. He doesn’t know how to process what he’s feeling. He’s always been a little territorial. He doesn’t like other people to touch things that belong to him. This is a little different though because in Harry’s mind they’re both his, but the reality is that neither one of them belongs to him. Not really.

“You and Louis wanted to what?” Harry asks.

“We were talking last night and we thought maybe-“

Zayn stutters to a stop again, and Harry figures they must really be here to tell him it’s over - that they’ve decided for him.

“Just spit it out,” Harry snaps.

“We think you should see both of us,” Zayn says.

Harry can’t even begin to process that. He thinks about what it would be like. How it would be to have them both without really having either of them. He thinks about how pretending it was okay would tear them apart. It pisses him off - that this is their solution - that they’re willing to share him like some stupid toy they bought together.

“Why stop with just the two of you?” Harry asks. “Why don’t we just invite Niall and Liam too and you can all pass me around.”

“What?” Zayn asks. “No that’s not-“

“We can assign days and everything. We could, like, get a calendar.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Harry. Do shut your mouth,” Louis says.

Louis turns slightly and pulls Zayn forward and kisses him. Harry’s so shocked that he takes a physical step back. For a moment he thinks it’s just Louis’ way of getting Harry to shut up, but then Zayn’s hand comes up around the back of Louis’ neck and they’re kissing for real. Something about the way they’re touching hits Harry right in the gut and it takes him a few seconds to realize that they’ve done this before. They look comfortable -- familiar.

Harry has to sit down. He lowers himself slowly onto the bed and watches them kiss, mesmerized by the slow flutter of Zayn’s eyelashes as Louis pulls back. Louis turns to look at him and gives him a look that clearly is supposed to convey what an idiot Harry is.

“We didn’t mean that we’d share you,” Louis says. “We would be together. All of us.”

It’s the absolute last thing Harry imagined happening when they showed up at his door. It’s the answer he’s been looking for, but it feels wrong. He feels like he’s cheating them. He feels like they’re cheating him. He can’t stand the way Louis touches Zayn’s hand when he says “us”.

Harry is sometimes a terrible person. He’s jealous and careless and needy. He loves them both so much - wants them - but there is a small selfish part of his brain that hates that they’ve ever shared something they didn’t share with him first.

“Did you sleep together?” Harry asks.

It’s so unfair. Harry doesn’t own them. He didn’t ask Louis’ permission when he went and slept with Zayn - fell in love with Zayn. They didn’t need Harry’s permission to do the same, but he hates them both a little for not waiting for him.

“What?” Louis says. “Harry, don’t be ridiculous.”

“We just talked,” Zayn says.

Harry raises an eyebrow at them hoping it conveys how full of shit he thinks they both are.

“We made out a bit,” Zayn amends.

“More than a bit,” Louis says. “But that’s all.”

“We wanted to wait for you,” Zayn says. “We spent most of the night talking about you.”

Harry feels a small bubble of hope welling up inside him, so fragile he barely wants to move for fear of it bursting.

“How would this work?” he asks.

“I really want to touch you,” Zayn says. “We’re coming over there.”

Zayn grabs Louis’ hand and they walk over to Harry together. Louis sits next to him on the bed and Zayn drops to his knees at Harry’s feet. Harry has a sudden and overwhelming feeling that they are going to completely screw each other up.

“Oh god,” Harry says. “This is never going to work.”

“It will,” Louis says.

“It’s mad,” Zayn says. “But it’s-“

Harry shakes his head and covers Zayn’s mouth with the palm of his hand. He thinks it would be easy to let them convince him and then he’ll have no one to blame but himself when it all blows up in his face.

“Haz,” Louis says gently. He pulls Harry’s hand away from Zayn’s mouth. “You know how you couldn’t choose?”

“Yeah,” Harry says.

“Well we - Zayn and I - we realized last night that we couldn’t choose either. If it’s between you and Zayn I can’t choose. I don’t ever want to be without either of you.”

“Same,” Zayn says.

“What if we break up or one of us wants out or Liam and Niall think we’re freaks and want to kick us out of the band?”

“That’s not going to happen,” Louis says.

“And if it does,” Zayn says. “We’ll deal with it. Honestly, I’m never afraid of anything when I’m with the four of you. I feel sort of invincible.”

“Same,” Louis says.

There’s a part of Harry that still thinks they’re making a mistake, but it’s not like that’s a first for any of them. They’ve made loads of mistakes - as people and as a band - and they’re still together.

“Someone kiss me,” Harry says, making up his mind.

Louis obliges, leaning in and kissing Harry’s mouth.

Harry closes his eyes and digs his fingers into the base of Louis’ neck. He knows he’s clinging to him, but he feels like it’s necessary - like they’re all cast out to sea and Louis is the only thing keeping him afloat. The bed dips on his other side and Harry knows it’s Zayn moving from the floor to the bed. He feels safe with both of them here, but Zayn hasn’t touched him yet and that feels wrong.

“Zayn,” Harry gasps against Louis’ mouth.

He turns his head and kisses Zayn’s jaw - moans when Zayn twists his head back by the hair and kisses Harry’s mouth.

“Jesus,” Louis says.

Harry’s heart is pounding against his chest wildly. He wants them both so much, but he also knows that sex is the easy part. If this was just about sex they could have done it ages ago and spared themselves a lot of pain. He doesn’t want to be the reason they’re all here. It has to be more than that.

“Now you,” Harry says.

He kisses Zayn one more time, just a quick press of his lips, before he falls back on the bed.

Harry watches them - the way Louis smiles at Harry and the way Zayn looks so fond, so happy, when he looks at Louis. Louis leans across Harry’s legs and pulls Zayn in for a kiss. It’s still hot. Harry doesn’t imagine a time when watching them won’t be hot.

Louis stops kissing Zayn long enough to pull his shirt over his head and toss it aside.

“Everyone is wearing too many clothes,” he complains.

Zayn stands up and pulls his shirt off. His hands hesitate over the buckle of his belt for a second before he starts unbuckling it.

“Are you blushing?” Harry asks.

He’s still sprawled on the bed with all his clothes on. It’s kind of strange being the only person who isn’t in some state of undress.

“Shut up,” Zayn says.

“It’s cute how you think no one wants to see you naked,” Louis says.

“You can shut up too,” Zayn says.

Zayn slides his trousers and pants down his hips and kicks them off. Harry’s seen Zayn before - so has Louis, but not in the context of sex - so, Harry chooses to watch Louis instead. It’s… interesting to see desire play across Louis’ features when it’s not being directed at Harry.

“I was thinking you could make me,” Louis says.

Harry sits up then because he wants to see.

Zayn blushes even more and it’s so adorable and sexy and all the other things Zayn manages to be all at once.

Louis doesn’t wait for Zayn to say anything. He drops to his knees and kisses the heart tattooed on Zayn’s hip - mouths at the jut of Zayn’s hip bone - and takes Zayn’s cock in his hand.

Zayn puts a hand on the crown of Louis’ head to steady himself. His fingers twist in the strands of Louis’ hair. Harry knows how Louis’ hair feels - how soft it is and how nice it is to run fingers through it - to muss it up.

He doesn’t know how Louis’ mouth feels though. He can’t imagine what’s going through Zayn’s mind when Louis swallows him down. He feels a spike of jealousy, but not for Zayn. It’s obvious that Louis has done this before - the way he can just go down - the way he takes the whole length of Zayn’s cock into his mouth and throat. It’s irrational and stupid and Harry knows he’s the most ridiculously jealous person, but he hates every single person Louis has ever done this with who is not currently in this room.

“Fuck,” Zayn says.

Harry could not agree with Zayn more. He’s ridiculously hard from watching the stretch of Louis’ mouth around Zayn’s cock. It’s sort of mindless and automatic when he pushes his sweats down his hips and starts playing with himself. He’s not wanking exactly it’s too lazy and half-arsed for that, but just the slide of his fingers against his dick is enough to have him whimpering.

Louis pulls off Zayn cock long enough to give Harry a look.

“Stop that. I have plans for you too,” he says.

Harry stops. He’s usually not very good at doing what people tell him to, but there’s something about Louis’ tone that makes him think it will be worth his while.

Louis refocuses his attention on Zayn, taking him down again with an ease that Harry wants to test out later. Harry can tell that Zayn’s close by the way his head is thrown back and the veins in his neck are standings out. He looks the same way when he’s singing a particularly high set of runs. Sometimes Harry gets so turned on watching him on stage that it’s hard not to jump him immediately after a performance.

Zayn pulls at Louis’ hair in warning but Louis only pulls off enough to make a show of it. He uses his hand to jerk Zayn off and keeps sucking on the head. Harry probably should have known that Louis would be a horrible tease in bed. He’s always playing at everything, finding ways to drive all of them crazy, and there’s absolutely no reason he would be any different about sex.

Zayn makes a pained little noise in the back of his throat and comes. Louis jerks him through it, catching Zayn’s come on his tongue and holding it there with parted lips. Zayn pulls away and drops down on the foot of the bed still trying to catch his breath.

Louis gets off his knees in one fluid movement. He takes a second to shimmy out of his trousers before crawling over to Harry where he’s still spread out across the bed. He straddles Harry’s waist and leans in and kisses him. As soon as their mouths touch Harry remembers what Louis was just doing and he groans against Louis’ lips as they trade slow kisses that taste like Zayn.

“I want you to fuck me,” Louis says when they break apart. “I want Zayn to get me ready and then I want you to fuck me.”

Harry’s mind whites out a little just imagining it.

“Yes,” he says.

Louis kisses him again and it’s so good. Harry thinks he could probably spend the rest of his life kissing Louis except for how he would miss Zayn. He’s actually missing Zayn already.

He breaks the kiss long enough to gasp Zayn’s name and reach out a hand toward the foot of the bed. It doesn’t take Zayn any time at all to crawl up to them and fit himself along Harry’s side. Harry turns his head and kisses Zayn, takes his time with it the way Zayn likes. It’s nice, almost calming enough to make Harry forget how hard he still is.

It’s like Louis can read his mind though because he rolls his hips against Harry’s and it makes Harry gasp against Zayn’s mouth.

“There’s lube in my bag,” Harry says.

Zayn kisses him again quickly and rolls off the bed to go rummage through Harry’s luggage.
Harry gets right back to making out with Louis.

“Oi, Harry, your shit is everywhere,” Zayn complains. “I can’t find it.”

Louis stops sucking love bites into Harry’s neck long enough to laugh. Harry smacks his arm and waves his hand uselessly at the pile of crap on the floor.

“I think they’re in the side pocket. The one with the zip,” Harry says.

Zayn digs for another few seconds before he stands up and waves the bottle of lube and a pack of condoms triumphantly. Harry rolls Louis onto his side so that they’re facing one another and hitches one of Louis’ legs up his hip.

“Zayn’s really good at this,” Harry says. “You’re going to enjoy it.”

Zayn kneels next to them on the other side of Louis. Harry’s a bit sad he won’t be able to see what Zayn’s doing from this angle, but he consoles himself with Louis’ mouth and neck and chest. There’s plenty for him to do while Zayn gets Louis ready for Harry’s cock.

Harry watches Zayn lube up his index and middle finger. It’s hot just thinking about what he’s about to do.

“Pull his leg up,” Zayn says, and Harry obliges him, tucking a hand under Louis’ knee and hitching his leg even further up onto Harry’s hip.

Louis kisses him again and Harry focuses on that - Louis’ chapped lips and his warm tongue and the way his fingers pull at the curls at the back of Harry’s neck. Harry can tell when Zayn pushes in by the way Louis tenses up and whimpers against Harry’s mouth.

“Shh,” Harry says

“I want to touch you,” Louis says. “Why are you still wearing clothes?”

It should be funny, but Harry’s too turned on to laugh right now. He’s close to just rubbing off against Louis’ thigh and calling it a day, but the idea of being skin to skin with Louis is too appealing. Harry sits up and chucks his shirt off the side of the bed and lifts his hips to slide out of his sweat pants.

He takes the opportunity to watch Zayn open Louis up. Louis has one of his knees pulled to his chest now that he doesn’t have Harry’s body to prop himself up on. He looks small all curled in on himself and Zayn must think so too because he starts stroking Louis’ side and murmuring reassuring nonsense to him. Watching the two of them is doing stupid things to Harry’s heart.

Harry leans in and kisses Zayn on the lips -- lingers over it for just a moment before he says, “I think he’s ready.”

Harry already knows he wants Louis on his back. He wants to push Louis’ knees up to his chest, hook his legs over Harry’s shoulders, and just fuck him until neither of them can breathe anymore. He’s been waiting for this moment for two years. He’s imagined it a thousand different ways, but never like this. And Harry thinks it’s funny that it probably never could have happened any other way.

Harry knows Zayn well enough to tell that he still has doubts, that there’s still some part of Zayn who thinks Harry would have chosen Louis, but the truth is that Louis never would have come to Harry if it hadn’t been for Zayn. There wouldn’t have been a choice to make and once there was, Harry honestly couldn’t make it. He loves them both, and now that they’re all here he can’t see how it ever could have worked any other way.

Harry grabs one of the condoms and hands it to Zayn to open because it feels right to share this with him. Zayn tears the foil with his teeth and pulls out the condom carefully.

“Come here,” he says.

Harry scoots a little closer and Zayn leans in and bites Harry’s shoulder once before rolling on the condom.

“Don’t go far,” Harry says.

Zayn smiles, stretching out along Louis side, and Louis immediately turns his head for a kiss.
Harry crawls between Louis’ thighs and hooks both hands under Louis’ knees to push his legs up and back. Harry’s never really thought about Louis as small, but he feels large in comparison now. He feels powerful and it’s not a wholly unappealing feeling.

“Louis,” Harry says, distracting him from Zayn long enough to have his full attention as he pushes in.

Louis’ mouth opens and his throat works but he doesn’t make a sound. Harry rolls his hips in slow short strokes while Zayn trails kisses over Louis’ shoulder and neck. Louis is seriously fucking tight and Harry is way too worked up for this to last long.

Louis digs his fingers into Harry’s bicep and shoulder and holds on as Harry pounds into him. It doesn’t seem fair that he’s the only one who hasn’t had his dick touched, but Harry doesn’t want to move his hands. He has Louis folded up so perfectly and he’s making such pretty noises that Harry doesn’t want to chance fucking it up.

“Zayn,” Harry says. “You should -“

Zayn doesn’t need any more encouragement. He slides his hand down Louis’ abs and wraps his palm around Louis’ cock. Louis whines and thrusts his hips up into Zayn’s hand. That’s all it takes for Harry to lose the small amount of control he still has. He snaps his hips hard a few more times, bites down hard on his bottom lip, and comes.

He rolls off to the side but stays close, tossing the condom off the side of the bed thoughtlessly. Zayn will probably yell at him in the morning, but right now Zayn is busy working Louis through his own orgasm. When Louis comes Harry doesn’t know where to look first - at Louis’ face or Zayn’s or the way Zayn’s hand looks curled around Louis’ cock. There’s really no bad place to focus his attention.

Zayn licks Louis’ come of his knuckles and then leans over Louis’ body to kiss Harry. This time it’s Louis on Zayn’s tongue and it’s oddly ritualistic - like closing a circle.

Harry breaks the kiss and falls back against the pillows. Zayn pulls Louis up a with him and the three of them curl into one another.

“I think that was a success,” Louis mumbles sleepily.

Zayn laughs and says, “At least we know the sex is good.”

“Too bad we don’t like each other at all,” Louis says.

Harry buries his nose against Louis neck and says, “Not at all.”

Zayn reaches across Louis’ body to twine his fingers with Harry’s and they start to drift off like that, each one of them touching so that Harry can’t tell where one of them ends and the next begins.

~~~

Epilogue:

Harry leans over to whisper in Louis’ ear. He’s pressed between Zayn and Louis on the sofa, not as much leaning on them as he is sitting half on top of them both. Zayn leans forward a little so that he can see Louis’ face.

Zayn’s heard it already, the dirty things Harry’s whispering, and he’s anticipating the way Louis bites his lip. Louis flicks his eyes over to meet Zayn’s and their hands twine over Harry’s shoulders.

When he’s done, Harry sits back, wiggles around a little to make himself more comfortable. Zayn rolls his eyes.

“He’s looking rather proud of himself, isn’t he?” Louis asks Zayn.

“Downright smug, I’d say,” Zayn agrees.

“I say we do something about that.”

“What did you have in mind?” Zayn asks.

Louis leans forward across Harry’s body, tugs Zayn forward by the collar of his shirt to whisper in his ear. Zayn’s trying to pay attention because Louis is exceptionally good at dirty talk, but he catches sight of Niall out of the corner of his eye and has to pull away.

“Niall, you alright, mate?” he asks.

Niall is sitting across the room with a giant sandwich clutched in both hands and he’s staring at Zayn and Harry and Louis with his mouth open so wide that he’s dangerously close to losing what’s in it.

Liam looks over and darts his hand out just in time to catch the bite of half-chewed food when it falls. “Gross, Niall!”

“Niall,” Louis calls, waving an arm in the air. “Earth to Niall.”

Niall closes his mouth and then opens it again, looks down at his sandwich like it’s betrayed him somehow.

“Seriously,” Harry chimes in. “Are you having some sort of stroke or something?”

“Are you three…” Niall sputters, gesturing at them with his sandwich, sending a piece of lettuce flying in Liam’s direction. “Are you all shagging?”

“Seriously?” Liam asks. “Where have you been for the last four months?”

Harry throws his head back and laughs in a way that makes Zayn’s entire stomach clench with want. He must not hide it very well, because Niall’s eyes get wider and he drops the sandwich.

“Shit,” Liam says. “Someone get Niall a drink.”

Zayn and Louis join Harry, all three of them laughing at Niall’s expense. Louis buries his face in Harry’s neck and Harry squeezes Zayn’s thigh.

Everything is so perfect that Zayn wishes he had a way of preserving it all - the surprise on Niall’s face and the pride in Liam’s for making them all laugh - the sound of Harry’s laugh and the way Louis looks flushed and happy against Harry’s side.

Zayn still can’t believe this is his life, not the band or the success or the fact that he’s fallen in love with two of his best mates. It’s crazy and kind of scary sometimes, but Zayn’s glad to be along for the ride.