Been a while, but I need to vent how sad I am. Things had been going really well with my green-haired darling, and then they all got ripped to shreds. ( it hurts to be the healthy one )
Thanks. I'll really need it. I am hoping that space is what he needs to get his head on straight and realize what I mean to him, but I worry he's going to try and take the coward's way out and not face his problems like a big boy as he seems to have a little track record of doing this. It's so disheartening because I know he is capable of being a way better person (I dated that person!), and this... creature... that has been dancing around since he freaked out all those months ago is one I can't even figure out anymore. Everyone says he still speaks well of me and talks about how much he cares about me, but I have this feeling he doesn't really know what he feels about me so it's easier for him to just ignore it and not think about it. That is my fear.
In my heart, I think we are meant to be. We were so good together when things were fine, but then he kind of crumbled under the pressure of a serious relationship, and here we are. I want to believe that he is going through a changing phase right now, but I don't even know anymore.
Good for you for setting boundaries and standing by them. You definitely deserve more than to be his back up plan.
As bad as it feels now you need to remember that you can't change him, he has to choose to do that for himself. You can, however, change you and if he doesn't want to grow too then you need to let him go so he doesn't hold you back.
It's hard, very hard, but holding onto the progress you've made is worth it.
Setting boundaries is what saved us the last time we had tension in our relationship. Granted, it wasn't as extreme a situation as this, but I had kind of hoped it would be a good slap in the face for him to realize that he was fucking up pretty bad regardless of what his intentions were. It is weird because at the same time, he handled everything in a rather gentlemanly, caring way, but that doesn't excuse leading me on at all, and that's the thing that really stings the most, I think. I had hoped that maybe he would think to himself, 'Wow, she has a backbone, and I like that in a girl,' since he would always lament my lack of self confidence. Maybe he will think that with time, especially if this rebound relationship ends in flames (which I have a feeling it will based on what I've heard about this girl). I keep beating myself up that maybe if I had just kept my big mouth shut, he would have had me there to realize that obviously I am way cooler than anyone else, but people keep trying to insist to me that even though it is counter-
( ... )
*hugs tightly* You are alright, hun. Despite it all, I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself. It may hurt now but you will continue to learn more about yourself and keep on getting better. *hugs tightly* Love you
Thanks bro. I know I'm okay and that I will be okay and that it is good to stand up for yourself if you feel you are being wronged. I just keep freaking out I could have done it differently or maybe I should have kept my big mouth shut and let him whirlwind around until he settled back on me like last time. Maybe it's better he whirlwinds in private. I don't know... all I know is that I miss him more than words could possibly say.
Stick to your guns. Anything worth having is worth fighting for - and in a relationship, both of you need to be willing to fight for it! If it works out, it works out, and he'll be a better man for it. If it doesn't, well... maybe there's someone else out there who will "fit" with you even better.
I guess I feel like doing something like this wasn't fighting, but me throwing up the white flag of 'THIS IS TOO MUCH'. I made it clear to him that I still care about him and such, but with the way he was acting and this currently situation where he couldn't decide what he wanted to pursue was affecting me. I agree with you that drawing the line is the only way he'll learn and come out on top with all the things I love about him and shedding some of these less desirable qualities. I still love him and want him in my life, and I get sad and scared that maybe he's just going to crawl away and repeat this same horrific cycle with the next girl. And the girl after that. And the girl after that. Until I'm long forgotten and he's crippled inside :/
You can't save someone from themselves. You can offer support, you can hold them to reasonable standards, but if they choose not to accept the support or live up to the standards (and you're not setting unreasonable standards, here - you want a healthy relationship, not to be supported in luxury for the rest of your life while you spend your time eating bonbons and watching soaps) you can't make them improve themselves. Every woman who's ever gone into a relationship trying to "fix" their partner has figured that out sooner or later.
I guess where I keep beating myself up is that I WAS trying to be supportive and such, but then I felt like he was treating our relationship like I was still his girlfriend emotionally, just without the bells and whistles that go with girlfriend. So I get sad pulling away because I do still want to be there for him even if he can't be there for me, but at the same time, there's no way he'd really appreciate what I give him if he just always has it, especially if he's off chasing other girls. I hate it because I feel like i lost him as even a friend now and I hate the idea he will probably be gone for a really long time now. I feelike I had worked so hard to even be friendly with him and my inability to just accept things as they were has ruined our bond forever.
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In my heart, I think we are meant to be. We were so good together when things were fine, but then he kind of crumbled under the pressure of a serious relationship, and here we are. I want to believe that he is going through a changing phase right now, but I don't even know anymore.
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As bad as it feels now you need to remember that you can't change him, he has to choose to do that for himself. You can, however, change you and if he doesn't want to grow too then you need to let him go so he doesn't hold you back.
It's hard, very hard, but holding onto the progress you've made is worth it.
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