Been a while, but I need to vent how sad I am. Things had been going really well with my green-haired darling, and then they all got ripped to shreds. ( it hurts to be the healthy one )
Setting boundaries is what saved us the last time we had tension in our relationship. Granted, it wasn't as extreme a situation as this, but I had kind of hoped it would be a good slap in the face for him to realize that he was fucking up pretty bad regardless of what his intentions were. It is weird because at the same time, he handled everything in a rather gentlemanly, caring way, but that doesn't excuse leading me on at all, and that's the thing that really stings the most, I think. I had hoped that maybe he would think to himself, 'Wow, she has a backbone, and I like that in a girl,' since he would always lament my lack of self confidence. Maybe he will think that with time, especially if this rebound relationship ends in flames (which I have a feeling it will based on what I've heard about this girl). I keep beating myself up that maybe if I had just kept my big mouth shut, he would have had me there to realize that obviously I am way cooler than anyone else, but people keep trying to insist to me that even though it is counter-intuitive, he can't miss me if I'm always there. I guess I just freak out he won't miss me :/
But yeah, I know it's not my job to change or save him, even though I feel he did that for me in many ways. I have a feeling he is going to fall on his face soon, and the question will be whether he picks himself up and hobbles away or actually takes a look at himself and tries to figure out what needs fixing.
It's really awful because all I want to do is talk to him. I care about him so much it hurts inside. If something happened to him, I would run to be there to take care of him regardless of all this stupid shit. I'm trying really hard to take care of myself, and I guess I just wish he saw how much hard work I've been doing in the past five months and how far I've come. Because sometimes I feel like I've just landed back in square one.
But yeah, I know it's not my job to change or save him, even though I feel he did that for me in many ways. I have a feeling he is going to fall on his face soon, and the question will be whether he picks himself up and hobbles away or actually takes a look at himself and tries to figure out what needs fixing.
It's really awful because all I want to do is talk to him. I care about him so much it hurts inside. If something happened to him, I would run to be there to take care of him regardless of all this stupid shit. I'm trying really hard to take care of myself, and I guess I just wish he saw how much hard work I've been doing in the past five months and how far I've come. Because sometimes I feel like I've just landed back in square one.
Reply
Leave a comment