Comments | lilyjames_fest: Games2011 ♥ FIC: Take Time To Sit And Watch The Leaves [PG]

lilyjames_mod in lilyjames_fest

Games2011 ♥ FIC: Take Time To Sit And Watch The Leaves [PG]

Jun 01, 2011 19:12

Title: Take Time To Sit And Watch The Leaves
Author: ravenne_crion
Team: DOE
Rating: PG (some suggestiveness towards the end)
Wordcount: 3,860
Warnings: N/A
Prompt: A September to remember. / An October full of splendor. / A November to treasure. - La Prevenchere, Brittany, France, Entertaining Angels
Summary: A Portkey mishap turns out to be most fortuitous ( Read more... )

!2011 fic, !2011, submission: fic

Comments 16

zia_montrose June 1 2011, 21:49:21 UTC

I liked the direction in which the plot was going in the September scene, with Lily saving James from Death Eaters and them loosing their grip on their portkey, but I thought the October and November scenes needed a little more development to achieve the intended story arc. For one thing, I wasn't convinced they would have waited so long to contact their friends in the Order. Also, I think this story would have benefitted from a beta-read. There were a lot of missing words and grammar mistakes that interrupted my reading of it. Otherwise, I like the idea of Lily saving James (yay for heroines!) and Lily's taking charge of all other things. ; )

ravenne_crion July 2 2011, 15:09:31 UTC

You know what the sad thing is? I did have a beta! Suppose it's time to go look for another. Thank you though. It's nice to have constructed criticism. I'm glad you did enjoy some parts and thank you for reviewing.

liebedance June 1 2011, 22:57:45 UTC

What I liked best about this piece was how Lily really took charge in this piece. We often see James initiating stuff, and you really made sure that we didn't think that Lily just let James have all the fun do everything for the two of them. :)

ravenne_crion July 2 2011, 15:14:47 UTC

I'm very happy that you enjoyed that. I really wanted to write something where she was more take charge. I believe it's in her personality. I see them both as alpha people. She just let's James take control most of the time ;)

Thank you for the review!

huntingsnarks June 2 2011, 11:05:15 UTC

I really liked the plot! Plottiness is a definite plus. And it was lovely to see the two of them having a moment of respite in the middle of the war. :)

ravenne_crion July 2 2011, 15:19:51 UTC

Thank you for the kind words and the review!

eprime June 5 2011, 20:04:41 UTC

I liked the discussion about taking each other for granted. We see that more with other couples in HP, how the war affected their relationships, but James and Lily are often portrayed as an island of perfection amidst the turmoil. It's cool to see them affected in ways like this. I also like in charge Lily!

ravenne_crion July 2 2011, 15:23:47 UTC

Marriage is hard in the best of circumstances. I would imagine it's worse dealing with marriage while also dealing with a war. Lily and James, I think have the benefit of being portrayed as an island of perfection because they died so horribly and no one is going to tell harry about any fights they had or times the James had to sleep on the couch. I think it would be interesting to explore though.

Thank you for the review!

firstbreaths June 15 2011, 11:37:01 UTC

I love the first scene a lot, where it's obvious that they love each other very deeply and with that comes a great sense of worry, but also a lovely sense of intimate banter - I love James' line about being deported being a good thing for them, and the way that just their mere presence is enough to help each other. I would have loved to see a little more of their so-called "holiday" though, because even though I get that some it is necessity, the Lily and James that canon makes me think of are not the type to just hang out in France while their best friends and the Order are both in need of their help and worried sick about them. When the authors are revealed, I'd love to see some more of this, because I really love the premise, and I'd love to see it fleshed out some more.

Oh, and bonus points for recognition that they'd both be relatively dominant in the bedroom, because that is so my headcanon. <3

ravenne_crion July 2 2011, 15:30:34 UTC

I completely understand where you are coming from. I was also very skeptical writing this and trying to figure out why they would stay. There actually was suppose to be more. There was going to be alot of action/adventure and I think I cut it down because it started getting too big. Maybe it's the sort of plot that needs to be fleshed out.

Your headcanon is made of win and I'm interested to subscribe to your newsletter. Thank you for the review. I enjoy constructive criticism.