Fic - Subletly

[lily_uzumaki23]

A/n: I've been reading Bleach for a while and this has become my favorite pairing. I just love these two together!

Warning(s): explicit stuff. Rated M for a very good reason!

Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own...

Subletly

“Uhnn….fuck taichou…” Renji panted hotly into his ear, hovering above him in between his obscenely spread legs and supporting himself with

Comments

[karadin]

short but sweet. Thanks1

[karadin]

Did you want suggestions with your writing?

[lily_uzumaki23]

sure! i mean...i wouldn't mind it... ::blushes::

[karadin]

I just noticed a few things, one was
Renji’s manly and portruding, tattooed hips

I think you wanted protruding, by this perhaps you mean defined angles? not sticking out? I don't think you need to use 'manly' as a descriptor, as you make very clear Renji is a man. ;D

red-ruby mounds of hair when using metaphors, I always wonder what visual images they create, while red-ruby associates with a deep jewel color, combined with mounds, to me, gives a feeling of hardness that competes with the softness of hair, as you have Byakuya grasping it.

his predecessors turning in their graves this was only confusing because the sentence refers to Renji, and gives the impression it is his predecessors, not Byakuya's. so replace with 'would have Byakuya's predecessors'

out of him freely and filling him completely refers to Renji, so you might want to say, out of him freely, filling Byakuya completely

[sscullys]

I loved it, this story is short but really good, you should write more ByaRen. Bya talking dirth...aint that a sight? ;)

[lily_uzumaki23]

thank you! i'm glad you liked it <3 i am thinking of writing more byakuya x renji in the future XD

[saiyanzrepublik]

OH GOD YES...

thanks so much for sharing such a simple and smutty piece!! XD Renji always brings out the most perverse side of me... I have no shame... XD *sigh* but damn when Bya is banging Ren like that it's just too hard to resist... I love how Renji brings out the untamed and dirty side of Bya... lol :D

[non3ko]

LOLZ to your icon! It's like "Renji I order you to get back in here to get molested/ravaged by me!"

And yes, Renji brings out the dirty side to us all.

[lily_uzumaki23]

<3 i'm glad you liked it! i love how renji brings out the best in our dear byakuya XD

[non3ko]

...after all, what did Renji know about subletly?

He's so brash and straightforward and that's what I love about Renji. Except for the mini non-existant crush he had on Rukia. In the bedroom though, duct tape and/or a gag is proper to quiet Renji. ;D

Cock me.

It cracked me up to read Byakuya say that. Only because we all know that he really doesn't know what he's actually saying. It's sort of like when he said 'butter' on the omake. Nemu was trying to get a polaroid of him. Too funny. He's so awkwardly adorable.

[lily_uzumaki23]

<3 i think what i love most about renji is his brashness. he's the kind to say what's on his mind without thinking and everything about him is so raw! he's the exact opposite of byakuya, wearing his emotions on his sleeve and always seeking attention and putting himself out there. he's just so adorable to me! ^^

i was unsure about "cock me" since it is a relatively new term out there, i wanted people to at least understand that it's just a new term for "give it to me hard" or something among those lines. i'm glad it made you laugh. i cannot write angst for the life of me so i might as well make people smile if not make them cry ;)

[lily_uzumaki23]

<3 i'm glad you liked it. i was kind of skeptical with the term myself since i wasn't sure everyone knew what it meant, it is a relatively new term. but i'm glad you enjoyed ^^