Fic - Subletly
A/n: I've been reading Bleach for a while and this has become my favorite pairing. I just love these two together!
Warning(s): explicit stuff. Rated M for a very good reason!
Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own...
Subletly
“Uhnn….fuck taichou…” Renji panted hotly into his ear, hovering above him in between his obscenely spread legs and supporting himself with ( Read more... )
Renji’s manly and portruding, tattooed hips
I think you wanted protruding, by this perhaps you mean defined angles? not sticking out? I don't think you need to use 'manly' as a descriptor, as you make very clear Renji is a man. ;D
red-ruby mounds of hair when using metaphors, I always wonder what visual images they create, while red-ruby associates with a deep jewel color, combined with mounds, to me, gives a feeling of hardness that competes with the softness of hair, as you have Byakuya grasping it.
his predecessors turning in their graves this was only confusing because the sentence refers to Renji, and gives the impression it is his predecessors, not Byakuya's. so replace with 'would have Byakuya's predecessors'
out of him freely and filling him completely refers to Renji, so you might want to say, out of him freely, filling Byakuya completely.'
these may seem minor things, as the reader is connecting the dots in your story, but anything to make the writing smoother will help in not kicking the reader out of your narrative, hope this helps.
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