Dealbreakers

[lillibet]

I love advice columns. Perhaps because I love to give advice myself, or for the rubbernecking opportunities, but I spend a few minutes over my lunch most days reading what Margo, Meredith, Miss Manners and yes, even the ersazt Prudence have to say. From their columns I occasionally follow other links with Cosmo-like titles like "3 Women Not to

Comments

[muffyjo]

2. Failing to keep in touch/show up on time. Mostly it indicates that they're not that into me.

4. Oh boy, yes.

5. Again with the either I'm not that into them, or they aren't that into me thing depending on how you interpret the question.

I'd add...in the poly world:
My take on #1 - talking exclusively about the woman you wish you were sleeping with but isn't there at the moment despite the fact that I'm sitting at the table with you having dinner. Hello? Live body here. Invest some attention to the person in front of you if you actually want to be dating. Otherwise I'll figure you're not that into me.

Also a knockout:
A monosylabic one sided conversation. I need to get better at open ended questions but really, throw me a bone. If I'm trying to ask you things about you and you don't feel like talking about it...try asking me questions about me? I want someone who is willing to at least meet me halfway.

[minkrose]

I'm totally with you on that last one, especially with friends. I decided to stop CONTACTING a friend of mine, just to see how long it would take him to notice. It took a year and a half. Every time I had called him, he didn't say much! I figured I'd stop bothering him. He thought I was angry, which was... interesting (and not particularly self-aware).

[wellstar]

Completely ignoring the point of your post, but do you read Carolyn Hax? She's my favorite.

[lillibet]

No, but I will now! Thanks!

[preraphaelite]

Seconded highly! She is brilliant.

[whitebird]

1. I've been lucky in that most women I have dated have (seemingly) enjoyed pointing out cute females to me. Some of the bi women I have dated have certainly appreciated reciprocity.
2. I've been really lucky in that that has never been a problem, as far as I can determine.
3. Again, I tend to associate with people who are similar to me in that sort of way.
4. I've never been with a woman who has had any sort of hygiene problems. But I did get to scold a woman for sticking her finger into the salt cellar at a restaurant. "Look, I don't mind at all if you use your fingers to eat, but move things to your plate first, before ruining an interesting presentation of spices and condiments by sticking your fingers into it when others will be using it later." To her credit, she understood completely, and agreed.
5. I can not think of a girlfriend I have had who was boring. I may have been boring to a few girlfriends, however. But it hasn't been specifically mentioned.

[fanw]

1) Gaping I don't mind, particularly if they bring it to my attention. I like appreciating a beautiful woman. (That said, abandoning me at a party and focusing entirely on another woman while I'm still standing there is a no-no.
2) I too don't see it as commitment. For me it's more priorities. If they don't want to come to my parties or my concerts or my other outtings then they just don't want to share what I have to offer.
3) I actually did have a problem with a goofball. I do require a certain amount of silly, but if someone is unable or unwilling to discuss politics or watch a serious movie or care about what's going on in the world around them, I get turned off.
4 + 5) You see, I don't see someone as attractive unless they have decent hygiene and are interesting. I don't require fashion, cologne, or shaving -- just soap clean, but that is necessary. And interesting? Wouldn't consider dating a non-interesting person.

[deguspice]

#1 - I remember a friend in college telling her boyfriend "You look, you're normal. You touch, you're dead."