Dealbreakers

[lillibet]

I love advice columns. Perhaps because I love to give advice myself, or for the rubbernecking opportunities, but I spend a few minutes over my lunch most days reading what Margo, Meredith, Miss Manners and yes, even the ersazt Prudence have to say. From their columns I occasionally follow other links with Cosmo-like titles like "3 Women Not to

Comments

[gilana]

#1 isn't generally a problem for me -- I often point out hot women that my boyfriends might have missed, and they do the same for me. Maybe it's a function of being bi? But as long as I feel secure in the fact that they find me attractive, I don't mind guys looking at other women.

[amenirdis]

Um?

1. I could care less about gaping. Whatever. I like to look at beautiful women too.
2. I don't think these are the same thing. Expecting me to always be the one to get in touch and never showing up on time are big, big problems for me in a friendship, because I think they're indicative of lack of respect. If I'm not worth keeping in touch with unless I do all the work, or my time is so worthless that it's ok to stand me up in Starbucks for 45 minutes, then they don't think much of me. But I don't see what that has to do with commitment. In fact, the best way to scare me away is to get too heavy too soon. I do not want to hear that l-word for a couple of years!
3. That's a personality thing. I've never been attracted to goofballs, but that's my taste.
4. Ok, yeah, hygiene is a turn off. I'll give them that.
5. You mean if I'm bored or they are? If I'm bored, yeah, that's a dealbreaker.

[firstfrost]

I think I would be bothered by blatant ogling not because of jealousy, but because I think it's rude to the oglee (except in appropriate circumstances) and too much rudeness would be a dealbreaker for me. :)

The other thing that's a dealbreaker for long-term relationships is feeling that I have some veto power over decisions he's making that affect me. I think I wouldn't have been able to deal well with something like medical residency or army transfers, where I would have to move around without any control over it.

Yes

[taura_g]

#1 - Not so much, unless they are being really lewd and tactless.

#2 - Definitely. Don't make promises or plans you can't or won't keep. This has led to at least 2 breakups.

#3 - I don't remember ever having this problem.

#4 - I had this conversation with a guy in college I dated, and he got much better about it.

#5 - I've had this issue and conversation on both sides - where I was bored or they were bored doing something I wanted to do. The guy who adapted and learned to let me do my own thing when he was gaming or whatever became my husband :-). The girl who kept on insisting on attending things with me even though she was bored and then drove us both nuts, I broke up with for several different reasons, but that was one of them.

[trowa_barton]

#2 should be #1 to me, because I've had years of having to dealing with no-shows or people who just...bailed on me.
I normally follow #1 to begin with. As a male, I haven't had problems with women looking at other guys. If anything, they were looking at other women. In poly dating, it may be fun to compare notes, but NOT ON THE FIRST FEW DATES.
#3-5 are so true.