Fanfic - Veronica Mars - Veronica/Mac - Cocoa (NC-17)

[lillerina]

Title: Cocoa
Author: Lillerina
Disclaimer: How I wish they were, but they're not
Rating: R-NC-17ish. They have sex, anyway.
Pairing: Veronica/Mac with mention of LoVe
Word Count: 2,124
Spoilers: Nothing specific as far as I remember
Summary: Just a girly sleepover, right?
Warnings: Just femslash. Nothing too out there.

Comments

[manrashi]

Why do I like lesbian erotica so much?

[torak303]

Because it's this good

[lillerina]

That felt comliment-ish. Uh. Glad you liked it.

[lillerina]

Because you're one of us, really, Dea. And if I bring you to the fold, i get a toaster oven ^_^

[starxd_sparrow]

Different and very sweet... glad to see you in the Library, doll!

“Does your pride need kissing better?”
Veronica cocked her head on one side, considering. “Uhm…perhaps? Where would one locate my pride?”
I really loved this bit.. funny and charming *grin*

[lillerina]

Heh, thanks. You have my significant other to thank for offering to kiss *my* pride better once. It's okay, though, I did check with her before I used it. Its nice to be writing smut again, having taken a few years break. I love the library. Glad you thought it was sweet :)

[taken_with_you]

I'm so glad we finally got some femslash at the Library. Jeez. I was about to ask who I was gonna have to blow to make it happen, for God's sake. ;-)

I thought you had some great dialogue in the fic--Veronica's first kiss being with Lilly at the tender age of ten--even though at eleven Lilly already had a boyfriend--felt so true to Lilly's character. I can TOTALLY see Lilly laying one on a surprised pre-pubescent Veronica, if for no other reason than to scandalize her, hee.

I COULDN'T see Veronica getting drunk at the age of ten, however, at all. Not only do I think she would be too scared to do it, but no ten year old likes the taste of beer/wine/liquor.

The dialogue between Mac and Veronica didn't flow for me at all. It took me several read-throughs to determine if they were already in an established relationship, or if this was a first-time thing. It didn't feel organic to the banter they share on the show. :-/ “Owie,” Mac said sardonically

[lillerina]

Thanks for the concrit. I wasn't really happy with it, I know it's awkward in parts but I was kind of rushing so I didn't get happy with it before I thought I had to post it. In my defense, the drunk thing. I can see Lilly wanting to drink, thinking it's grownup and all. Of course Veronica would be pulled into it. And if Lilly got ahold of some alco-pops or something, they tend to be sweet enough that you don't notice the alcohol. That was where my mind was, anyway. And how much does it take for a 10 year old to get drunk?

Thanks for the long comment, I am a feedback whore after all. Now off to write more on this month's contribution.

[lillerina]

Also, the bit where Veronica points out that she sounds like a porn actress? My favourite bit, too. And of course Veronica's giong to address the power balance.

[alihope]

This story made me really happy...although it was a little awkward at times.

[lillerina]

I know it's awkward, but I'm glad it made you happy : )

[sporadic__]

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