H/D Drabble for me & Letters written so far
I'm getting on the plane for the long, long trip back to my home country :-D So I won't be around much on LJ for the whole month of February (unreliable Internet connection etc.)
somigliana wrote a darefic drabble for me ♥:
Aerial manoeuvres
"Harry," Draco whined miserably, "this is very uncomfortable."
"Oh, stop moaning," Harry snapped irritably. "Shift up my way a little; that should be better."
Draco did as Harry suggested, and shifted closer to him. "Ouch," he screamed. "Land now! I think I’ve got a splinter in my arse!"
"Really?" Harry snickered. Stifling a giggle, he steered the broom to the ground.
Back on the ground, Draco extracted a splinter from his backside, wincing slightly. "I’m going to kill Krum and Hermione," he muttered darkly. "There’s obviously a trick to it that we missed."
Harry finally gave in, laughing hysterically. "Obviously."
Fun fun fun Letters from Fictional Characters Meme. (Sorry for those who I still owe letters and/or replies to. I'll do them when I arrive in my home country)
somigliana wrote:
Dear Lilian Cho
I'm new on the staff at my dad's paper, The Quibbler and I heard from Neville Longbottom (odd boy that, with his plants) that when you were in Beijing with Draco Malfoy, you were lucky enough to have observed the very rare mating ritual of the hairy-eared Flickflack.
I'd love to write about it; my dad and I spent two months looking for it, but we were never able to find it in its natural habitat. Strange really, they're supposed to be prolific in those parts.
Regards,
Luna Lovegood
lilian_cho replied:
Dear Luna Lovegood,
Greetings from a fellow journalist. I have heard of The Quibbler from your friend Neville Longbottom, who has achieved quite a fame here for his work with the Mimbulus mimbletonia.
I was indeed in Draco Malfoy's company in Beijing during the turn of the millennia. We were celebrating the end of a successful business venture, and I'm afraid we might have consumed too many bubblies.
Mr. Malfoy, I and Mr. Malfoy's associate Su Li (who I believe also attended Hogwarts as a Ravenclaw) had a strange dream in which the "Flickflack"'s mating ritual was the most normal component. Mr. Malfoy and I were both confident that it was the little red pills that did it, although Mr. Malfoy's associate was sure that it was "a true vision."
I'd suggest you contact Mr. Malfoy's associate instead regarding the "Flickflacks" and their natural habitat. The last time I heard, both Mr. Malfoy and his associate are relocated to another branch of their company. You can contact them at dragon80@pureblood.co.uk and androgyny@geeks.co.uk.
I wish you and your father the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Have a good day,
Lilian Cho
Editor-in-Chief
The Veracious
lilian_cho wrote:
Dear Unworthy Muggle,
It has come into my attention that you have been writing "fanfiction" which slanders the name of my good friend Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master and Slytherin Head of House. Not only do you have him fraternizing with a student in your "fanfiction," you picked the most unlikely student of all: a Mudblood know-it-all.
I was in my dear friend's company upon the unfortunate discovery of your "fanfiction" on this Muggle "Net." I had to give him several glasses of scotch to calm him down. You should be thankful; he was ready to hex you into oblivion when he first discovered this atrocity.
Upon my advice, my friend has seeked legal representation and is in the process of suing you of every Muggle knut you have for the defamation of his character. In light of this circumstances, I am confident that you can comprehend--even with your tiny Muggle brain--that it is in your best interest to take down all your "fanfiction" immediately and issue a public apology to my esteemed friend.
Don't bother running away; our lawyers will find you whereever you hide. You can contact my legal representatives in South Africa at nott@pureblood.com.
I'd suggest you sell your lovely house in anticipation of court fees and charges.
Ever so much better than you,
Lucius Malfoy
Board of Directors
Malfoy, Inc.
somigliana replied:
Dear Lucius
"The person who judges in ignorance is a fool, blinded by bigotry, dogmatism, and opinionatedness."
You are so funny, Lucius. Of course Severus was upset to find out that my attempt at fiction (and countless other writers')was so readily availible -- I'm sure he was quite inclined to hex me into oblivion--I wrote a nasty little fiction about him, just after Dumbledore died -- it was so cathartic.
Tell me Lucius, can you even begin to imagine what Headmistress McGonagall would do to him should she find out the he was having his most delicious, evil way with Hermione? You should remember that your dear friend Severus is a Slytherin as well. One word - smokescreen. I'm sure your overinflated, inbred, Pureblood brain can manage to figure it out.
I contacted Mr Nott, by the way. We had a lovely dinner and I introduced him to my equally "unworthy" Muggle friend. You should be receiving the wedding invitation in the post very soon.
Ever so much knowledgable and clever than you,
Somigliana
P.S. If I sold my lovely house, then where would Severus and Hermione stay this upcoming holiday?
gelsey wrote:
Deer Miss,
Dobby iz herd that yous is looking for a nize house elf. Dobby iz a free elf and iz looking for work since de most wonderfulist Headmaster Lemon Drop died most horrebly.
Wood Miss be intrested in hiring Dobby? Dobby is a good elf, and Is will work hard for Miss. Dobby no wants much ... small monys, that is it. Dobby likes his clozes and would ask, if Is can come, cans I keep mine?
Thank youz, miss, for considring Dobby for the most wonderfuleest pozishon as your elf.
Sinzerely,
DOBBY
lilian_cho replied:
Dear Dobby,
I am sorry to hear of the death of your esteemed Hogwarts Headmaster. Do extend my condolences to the other House-elves
Unfortunately, Dobby is not quite what I have in mind. I had the opportunity to speak with your former owner, one Mr. Draco Malfoy, to check your reference. It seems that Dobby was responsible for Mr. Malfoy Senior's being sacked from the Hogwarts School Board of Directors?
I am sure that Dobby has your own reasons and side to the story, but I am afraid I cannot risk slighting Mr. Draco Malfoy by hiring Dobby. Mr. Draco Malfoy is a very important business partner for The Veracious.
I hope Dobby understands that I mean no harm by rejecting Dobby's application. My friend somigliana just recently purchased a house in charming South Africa. Perhaps Dobby would be interested to work for Miss Somigliana instead?
Thank you for your interest in the position,
Sincerely,
Lilian Cho
Editor-in-Chief
The Veracious
bastetazazis wrote:
Dear Miss lilian_cho
I take the liberty to write to you since my son Draco doesn’t speak to me anymore. I don’t know what you are doing with my son, but he can’t sleep anymore, or eat, or anything else that doesn’t involve dreaming about you.
It is oblivious that you have take his “purity” away - I’m not stupid. So, I hope that you act as a real pure-blood would do and marry him - it is the properly thing to do.
I, and my wife Narcissa, are expecting you for dinner, tomorrow night, so all arrangements can be done. This marriage should be as sooner as it is possible, so no damage to my son’s image would be done.
Sincerely yours
Lucius Malfoy
lilian_cho replied:
June 1, 1997
Dear Lucius Malfoy,
My parents wish to extend their regards to you and your whole family.
I am sorry to hear that your son no longer speaks to you. But I am afraid that you are mistaken about the identity of your son's lover. It is common knowledge among the Ravenclaws that your son had been going out with Cho Chang since the beginning of last year. It is therefore the Changs, not the Chos, to whom you should address this matter.
Pardon my presumption, but you might want to talk with your son before making any arranged marriages for him. I'm afraid your son has not been "pure" ever since that incident in the Great Hall involving one Harry Potter, a plate of eclairs, and a traumatized Hufflepuff table.
In fact, when your son was a Fifth Year, the Ravenclaw House has heard disturbing rumors about Hufflepuff's Susan Bones and our very own Terry Boot. And of course, there are also public displays of affection with Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini of the Slut Slytherin House. If your son has any "image"--it is of being (pardon my forwardness) "the Slytherin Sex God."
So whatever it is that's bothering your son, I suspect that it must be true love. I do believe Cho Chang love your son back, but she has left for a lucrative internship in China. Perhaps a planned family vacation to China is in order. Which is perfect, as my mother, Margaret White Cho, would like Mrs. Malfoy's company for her excursion to China this following summer.
I gladly accept your invitation to dinner tomorrow evening, if I am still invited. I doubt that your son would recognize me, as I am too young for his taste, being a mere Ravenclaw Fifth Year. But I look forward to meeting your lovely wife, whom I met once at one of my mother's tea parties.
Sincerely,
Lilian Cho
ferporcel wrote:
Dear Lilian Cho,
I don't think we had the pleasure to meet in person, but I know you since you were born. You were a lovely child! But that's not why I'm contacting you now. This letter is to inform you that you're involved in a wizarding war.
You're one of the six children that an ancient prophecy describes, and you'll be hearing from one Harry Potter concerning the peculiar sign you have on your back. This mark will actually lead him to one of the magical objects we need to find to win the war against evil, so don't be shy.
How's is Ms. Cho? Never mind, if you're getting this letter I'm most likely dead, so you don't have to reply. Just send her my regards.
Yours,
Albus Dumbledore
Headmaster of Hogwarts School
Order of Merlin, First Class
Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot
lilian_cho replied:
June 5, 1997
Dear Headmaster Albus Dumbledore,
Were you a friend of my parents then? Sadly, I could not remember much of them as they passed away when I was very young.
Begging your pardon, but what is this Wizarding War you are talking about? I'm afraid the Wizarding community in the United States does not concern themselves much with other Wizarding communities. In fact, the Wizarding community here in the West Coast hardly communicate with those in the East Coast.
Are you referring to the two tiny marks on my shoulder blades? But almost every female in my family has those marks. My maternal grandmother has them, and her grandmother before her.
Forgive me if I sound presumptuous, but how do I know that you are the real Albus Dumbledore? And how do I know you are not just trying to use me as a gamepiece for this "war" of yours? And what do you mean, you will be dead by the time I receive this?
Sincerely,
Lilian Cho
Prefect
Pacific Wizarding School
anime_junkie17 wrote:
Dear Lilian_Cho,
I thought I would share with you an embarrassing moment I had with Harry. In this moment Harry discovered something I thought only my closest fan girls new about me. This is how it went:
Harry: “You’re a werewolf?”
Lupin: “Yes.”
Harry “Are you fucking serious?!”
Lupin: “Well yes that too.”
Harry: “WHAT!!!”
Lupin: “Oops too much information.”
Now, finally, my secret is known to the world.
Love,
Lupin
lilian_cho wrote:
Dear Professor Lupin,
It's such a pleasant surprise to receive a letter from you. You might not remember me, but I was a first year Ravenclaw when you taught DADA at Hogwarts. I have a confession to make: I had a crush on you back then--but then, so did the whole Ravenclaw House I believe.
I am sorry to hear that your secret relationship with Sirius is outed now. I am sure it must present Sirius problems with your current lovely fiancee, Nymphadora Tonks. Have you two set a wedding date, by the way? I would like to send our photographer for The Veracious' Society pages.
Pardon my presumption, but you might want to talk with Harry about his own denial regarding one delectable, snarky blond. I'm sure by now you have heard of that incident in the Great Hall involving one Draco Malfoy, a plate of eclairs, and a traumatized Hufflepuff table.
I would like to invite you (and your fiancee) to lunch out sometime. I have heard much of Nymphadora Tonks from my mother's tea parties, and would like to meet her.
Sincerely,
Lilian Cho
Editor-in-Chief
The Veracious
ciaran_draco wrote:
To a random Mudblood Lilian Cho,
You do not know me and frankly, I don’t care to know you. However, I was literally forced into composing this letter by my Mother. She feels it may help me in overcoming my fear of killing talking to Mudbloods the non magical population.
Like I stated above, I do not wish to know you but I have no choice in sending this. My Father was unable to assist me in convincing my Mother that this is a pointless activity; that my apparent ‘fear’ of murdering communicating with muggles will eventually fade in nothingness.
I promise you that once I have overcome this ‘problem’, you’ll be the first Mudblood muggle I kill chat with.
Well, since this has been completed, I shall bid my farewells.
Goodbye Muggle.
Draco. A. L. Malfoy.
lilian_cho replied:
Dear Draco A. L. Malfoy,
Congratulations on overcoming your fear regarding the non magical population. Just a bit of advice: using large letters may be deemed as overcompensating by Muggle psychologists (they are like Mediwizards that deal with problems in your psyche).
The first step in overcoming your ‘fear’ is to admit that you have those fears. You have gone through that first step. Good. Now allow me to point you to the second step:
Your second step is to find a cozy sofa to recline in, and a sympathetic ear. If you cannot find any in Slytherin, you can always kidnap an unsuspecting Hufflepuff. I hear they make v. v. excellent listeners.
After you repeat the second step several times over one year, you are ready to move on to the third step. You should invest in a computer with a high-speed Internet connection, and download various chatting programs. The one that I swear by is called MSN Messenger, but the Harry Potter Draco Malfoy fandom usually uses AOL Instant Messenger and Yahoo! Instant Messenger. Be careful while installing these programs, ensuring that you do not kill crash your computer.
I suggest you also invest in a Webcam--this basically captures your face and movements in "real time." This will allow your fangirls to ascertain your identity as the real and the only Draco Malfoy. Do ignore sexual propositions that will be thrown at you from left, right and center. I am sure your parents will be highly upset if you father many many half-bloods across the world.
It has been an interesting experience talking to you.
Farewell,
Lilian Cho
Muggle Journalist
P.S. I could take your letter and publish it as evidence of the existence of the Wizarding World, but what's the fun in that?
Do keep in touch dearie ;-)
somigliana wrote a darefic drabble for me ♥:
Aerial manoeuvres
"Harry," Draco whined miserably, "this is very uncomfortable."
"Oh, stop moaning," Harry snapped irritably. "Shift up my way a little; that should be better."
Draco did as Harry suggested, and shifted closer to him. "Ouch," he screamed. "Land now! I think I’ve got a splinter in my arse!"
"Really?" Harry snickered. Stifling a giggle, he steered the broom to the ground.
Back on the ground, Draco extracted a splinter from his backside, wincing slightly. "I’m going to kill Krum and Hermione," he muttered darkly. "There’s obviously a trick to it that we missed."
Harry finally gave in, laughing hysterically. "Obviously."
Fun fun fun Letters from Fictional Characters Meme. (Sorry for those who I still owe letters and/or replies to. I'll do them when I arrive in my home country)
somigliana wrote:
Dear Lilian Cho
I'm new on the staff at my dad's paper, The Quibbler and I heard from Neville Longbottom (odd boy that, with his plants) that when you were in Beijing with Draco Malfoy, you were lucky enough to have observed the very rare mating ritual of the hairy-eared Flickflack.
I'd love to write about it; my dad and I spent two months looking for it, but we were never able to find it in its natural habitat. Strange really, they're supposed to be prolific in those parts.
Regards,
Luna Lovegood
lilian_cho replied:
Dear Luna Lovegood,
Greetings from a fellow journalist. I have heard of The Quibbler from your friend Neville Longbottom, who has achieved quite a fame here for his work with the Mimbulus mimbletonia.
I was indeed in Draco Malfoy's company in Beijing during the turn of the millennia. We were celebrating the end of a successful business venture, and I'm afraid we might have consumed too many bubblies.
Mr. Malfoy, I and Mr. Malfoy's associate Su Li (who I believe also attended Hogwarts as a Ravenclaw) had a strange dream in which the "Flickflack"'s mating ritual was the most normal component. Mr. Malfoy and I were both confident that it was the little red pills that did it, although Mr. Malfoy's associate was sure that it was "a true vision."
I'd suggest you contact Mr. Malfoy's associate instead regarding the "Flickflacks" and their natural habitat. The last time I heard, both Mr. Malfoy and his associate are relocated to another branch of their company. You can contact them at dragon80@pureblood.co.uk and androgyny@geeks.co.uk.
I wish you and your father the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Have a good day,
Lilian Cho
Editor-in-Chief
The Veracious
lilian_cho wrote:
Dear Unworthy Muggle,
It has come into my attention that you have been writing "fanfiction" which slanders the name of my good friend Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master and Slytherin Head of House. Not only do you have him fraternizing with a student in your "fanfiction," you picked the most unlikely student of all: a Mudblood know-it-all.
I was in my dear friend's company upon the unfortunate discovery of your "fanfiction" on this Muggle "Net." I had to give him several glasses of scotch to calm him down. You should be thankful; he was ready to hex you into oblivion when he first discovered this atrocity.
Upon my advice, my friend has seeked legal representation and is in the process of suing you of every Muggle knut you have for the defamation of his character. In light of this circumstances, I am confident that you can comprehend--even with your tiny Muggle brain--that it is in your best interest to take down all your "fanfiction" immediately and issue a public apology to my esteemed friend.
Don't bother running away; our lawyers will find you whereever you hide. You can contact my legal representatives in South Africa at nott@pureblood.com.
I'd suggest you sell your lovely house in anticipation of court fees and charges.
Ever so much better than you,
Lucius Malfoy
Board of Directors
Malfoy, Inc.
somigliana replied:
Dear Lucius
"The person who judges in ignorance is a fool, blinded by bigotry, dogmatism, and opinionatedness."
You are so funny, Lucius. Of course Severus was upset to find out that my attempt at fiction (and countless other writers')was so readily availible -- I'm sure he was quite inclined to hex me into oblivion--I wrote a nasty little fiction about him, just after Dumbledore died -- it was so cathartic.
Tell me Lucius, can you even begin to imagine what Headmistress McGonagall would do to him should she find out the he was having his most delicious, evil way with Hermione? You should remember that your dear friend Severus is a Slytherin as well. One word - smokescreen. I'm sure your overinflated, inbred, Pureblood brain can manage to figure it out.
I contacted Mr Nott, by the way. We had a lovely dinner and I introduced him to my equally "unworthy" Muggle friend. You should be receiving the wedding invitation in the post very soon.
Ever so much knowledgable and clever than you,
Somigliana
P.S. If I sold my lovely house, then where would Severus and Hermione stay this upcoming holiday?
gelsey wrote:
Deer Miss,
Dobby iz herd that yous is looking for a nize house elf. Dobby iz a free elf and iz looking for work since de most wonderfulist Headmaster Lemon Drop died most horrebly.
Wood Miss be intrested in hiring Dobby? Dobby is a good elf, and Is will work hard for Miss. Dobby no wants much ... small monys, that is it. Dobby likes his clozes and would ask, if Is can come, cans I keep mine?
Thank youz, miss, for considring Dobby for the most wonderfuleest pozishon as your elf.
Sinzerely,
DOBBY
lilian_cho replied:
Dear Dobby,
I am sorry to hear of the death of your esteemed Hogwarts Headmaster. Do extend my condolences to the other House-elves
Unfortunately, Dobby is not quite what I have in mind. I had the opportunity to speak with your former owner, one Mr. Draco Malfoy, to check your reference. It seems that Dobby was responsible for Mr. Malfoy Senior's being sacked from the Hogwarts School Board of Directors?
I am sure that Dobby has your own reasons and side to the story, but I am afraid I cannot risk slighting Mr. Draco Malfoy by hiring Dobby. Mr. Draco Malfoy is a very important business partner for The Veracious.
I hope Dobby understands that I mean no harm by rejecting Dobby's application. My friend somigliana just recently purchased a house in charming South Africa. Perhaps Dobby would be interested to work for Miss Somigliana instead?
Thank you for your interest in the position,
Sincerely,
Lilian Cho
Editor-in-Chief
The Veracious
bastetazazis wrote:
Dear Miss lilian_cho
I take the liberty to write to you since my son Draco doesn’t speak to me anymore. I don’t know what you are doing with my son, but he can’t sleep anymore, or eat, or anything else that doesn’t involve dreaming about you.
It is oblivious that you have take his “purity” away - I’m not stupid. So, I hope that you act as a real pure-blood would do and marry him - it is the properly thing to do.
I, and my wife Narcissa, are expecting you for dinner, tomorrow night, so all arrangements can be done. This marriage should be as sooner as it is possible, so no damage to my son’s image would be done.
Sincerely yours
Lucius Malfoy
lilian_cho replied:
June 1, 1997
Dear Lucius Malfoy,
My parents wish to extend their regards to you and your whole family.
I am sorry to hear that your son no longer speaks to you. But I am afraid that you are mistaken about the identity of your son's lover. It is common knowledge among the Ravenclaws that your son had been going out with Cho Chang since the beginning of last year. It is therefore the Changs, not the Chos, to whom you should address this matter.
Pardon my presumption, but you might want to talk with your son before making any arranged marriages for him. I'm afraid your son has not been "pure" ever since that incident in the Great Hall involving one Harry Potter, a plate of eclairs, and a traumatized Hufflepuff table.
In fact, when your son was a Fifth Year, the Ravenclaw House has heard disturbing rumors about Hufflepuff's Susan Bones and our very own Terry Boot. And of course, there are also public displays of affection with Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini of the Slut Slytherin House. If your son has any "image"--it is of being (pardon my forwardness) "the Slytherin Sex God."
So whatever it is that's bothering your son, I suspect that it must be true love. I do believe Cho Chang love your son back, but she has left for a lucrative internship in China. Perhaps a planned family vacation to China is in order. Which is perfect, as my mother, Margaret White Cho, would like Mrs. Malfoy's company for her excursion to China this following summer.
I gladly accept your invitation to dinner tomorrow evening, if I am still invited. I doubt that your son would recognize me, as I am too young for his taste, being a mere Ravenclaw Fifth Year. But I look forward to meeting your lovely wife, whom I met once at one of my mother's tea parties.
Sincerely,
Lilian Cho
ferporcel wrote:
Dear Lilian Cho,
I don't think we had the pleasure to meet in person, but I know you since you were born. You were a lovely child! But that's not why I'm contacting you now. This letter is to inform you that you're involved in a wizarding war.
You're one of the six children that an ancient prophecy describes, and you'll be hearing from one Harry Potter concerning the peculiar sign you have on your back. This mark will actually lead him to one of the magical objects we need to find to win the war against evil, so don't be shy.
How's is Ms. Cho? Never mind, if you're getting this letter I'm most likely dead, so you don't have to reply. Just send her my regards.
Yours,
Albus Dumbledore
Headmaster of Hogwarts School
Order of Merlin, First Class
Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot
lilian_cho replied:
June 5, 1997
Dear Headmaster Albus Dumbledore,
Were you a friend of my parents then? Sadly, I could not remember much of them as they passed away when I was very young.
Begging your pardon, but what is this Wizarding War you are talking about? I'm afraid the Wizarding community in the United States does not concern themselves much with other Wizarding communities. In fact, the Wizarding community here in the West Coast hardly communicate with those in the East Coast.
Are you referring to the two tiny marks on my shoulder blades? But almost every female in my family has those marks. My maternal grandmother has them, and her grandmother before her.
Forgive me if I sound presumptuous, but how do I know that you are the real Albus Dumbledore? And how do I know you are not just trying to use me as a gamepiece for this "war" of yours? And what do you mean, you will be dead by the time I receive this?
Sincerely,
Lilian Cho
Prefect
Pacific Wizarding School
anime_junkie17 wrote:
Dear Lilian_Cho,
I thought I would share with you an embarrassing moment I had with Harry. In this moment Harry discovered something I thought only my closest fan girls new about me. This is how it went:
Harry: “You’re a werewolf?”
Lupin: “Yes.”
Harry “Are you fucking serious?!”
Lupin: “Well yes that too.”
Harry: “WHAT!!!”
Lupin: “Oops too much information.”
Now, finally, my secret is known to the world.
Love,
Lupin
lilian_cho wrote:
Dear Professor Lupin,
It's such a pleasant surprise to receive a letter from you. You might not remember me, but I was a first year Ravenclaw when you taught DADA at Hogwarts. I have a confession to make: I had a crush on you back then--but then, so did the whole Ravenclaw House I believe.
I am sorry to hear that your secret relationship with Sirius is outed now. I am sure it must present Sirius problems with your current lovely fiancee, Nymphadora Tonks. Have you two set a wedding date, by the way? I would like to send our photographer for The Veracious' Society pages.
Pardon my presumption, but you might want to talk with Harry about his own denial regarding one delectable, snarky blond. I'm sure by now you have heard of that incident in the Great Hall involving one Draco Malfoy, a plate of eclairs, and a traumatized Hufflepuff table.
I would like to invite you (and your fiancee) to lunch out sometime. I have heard much of Nymphadora Tonks from my mother's tea parties, and would like to meet her.
Sincerely,
Lilian Cho
Editor-in-Chief
The Veracious
ciaran_draco wrote:
To a random Mudblood Lilian Cho,
You do not know me and frankly, I don’t care to know you. However, I was literally forced into composing this letter by my Mother. She feels it may help me in overcoming my fear of killing talking to Mudbloods the non magical population.
Like I stated above, I do not wish to know you but I have no choice in sending this. My Father was unable to assist me in convincing my Mother that this is a pointless activity; that my apparent ‘fear’ of murdering communicating with muggles will eventually fade in nothingness.
I promise you that once I have overcome this ‘problem’, you’ll be the first Mudblood muggle I kill chat with.
Well, since this has been completed, I shall bid my farewells.
Goodbye Muggle.
Draco. A. L. Malfoy.
lilian_cho replied:
Dear Draco A. L. Malfoy,
Congratulations on overcoming your fear regarding the non magical population. Just a bit of advice: using large letters may be deemed as overcompensating by Muggle psychologists (they are like Mediwizards that deal with problems in your psyche).
The first step in overcoming your ‘fear’ is to admit that you have those fears. You have gone through that first step. Good. Now allow me to point you to the second step:
Your second step is to find a cozy sofa to recline in, and a sympathetic ear. If you cannot find any in Slytherin, you can always kidnap an unsuspecting Hufflepuff. I hear they make v. v. excellent listeners.
After you repeat the second step several times over one year, you are ready to move on to the third step. You should invest in a computer with a high-speed Internet connection, and download various chatting programs. The one that I swear by is called MSN Messenger, but the Harry Potter Draco Malfoy fandom usually uses AOL Instant Messenger and Yahoo! Instant Messenger. Be careful while installing these programs, ensuring that you do not kill crash your computer.
I suggest you also invest in a Webcam--this basically captures your face and movements in "real time." This will allow your fangirls to ascertain your identity as the real and the only Draco Malfoy. Do ignore sexual propositions that will be thrown at you from left, right and center. I am sure your parents will be highly upset if you father many many half-bloods across the world.
It has been an interesting experience talking to you.
Farewell,
Lilian Cho
Muggle Journalist
P.S. I could take your letter and publish it as evidence of the existence of the Wizarding World, but what's the fun in that?
Do keep in touch dearie ;-)