you can have whatever you like. jedward/noel fielding, nc-17.
POSTING THIS AND GETTING IT ALL OVER WITH, OKAY. What is wrong with me lately? After spending yesterday writing that totally ridiculous threesome, I figured I'd do something more normal and/or useful with myself today. But then this happened.
Title: you can have whatever you like
Author: likecharity
Pairing: John Grimes/Edward Grimes/Noel Fielding
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Real person slash, twincest, age difference, and...double penetration (Edward on the receiving end).
Summary: Porn, porn, 5000 more words of porn. After filming he pretty much figured they would just disappear from his life, but to have them here in his bedroom, actually literally asking for it-what the hell else is he supposed to do? Nobody has that kind of willpower, okay? Nobody.
A/N: I accidentally a whole sequel. :/ This time I would like to blame portraitofafool please. (Follows on from this.)
"Oh, Christ," sighs Noel, rubbing his face as he stands there in the doorway. It's 10am and fucking Jedward are on his doorstep. He should've known they wouldn't understand the concept of a one night stand. Bravely, he brings his hand down from his face, and fixes them with a look. "Hi," he attempts, and it comes out like a sort of exasperated drawl.
"Hi Noel Fielding," they chorus. One of them is bouncing up and down slightly on the balls of his feet. It's too early to bother trying to tell them apart. "Did we wake you up?" that one asks.
"Yeah," Noel grumbles. This should be fairly obvious considering the state of his voice and the fact that he's standing there in nothing but boxers, blearily blinking at them in the morning sun. Then again, Jedward aren't particularly brilliant at observation. "Why are you here? When did I give you my address?" he sort of groans.
Their faces fall. Noel hates it when they look sad; it makes him feel like he just kicked a puppy. It doesn't help that they look really, really cute, much cuter than anyone has a right to look in the morning. Their hair is flat and a little messy, like maybe they didn't have time to do anything with it before setting out on their trip to Noel's, and they're not matching today-they're in the same jeans and trainers, but one of them is in a shiny blue jacket and the other in a magenta hoodie.
"Look, I'm sorry," he says quickly, shaking his head, "I just-I'm not here to just," he lowers his voice, "suck you off whenever you show up at my door."
One of them giggles and the other one still looks kind of sad. "We just wanted to come see you," says the sad one.
And, okay, fine, Noel will admit that a small part of him sort of hoped this might happen. But a very small part. A post-orgasm part. Second times are dangerous, because they can lead to third times, and he doesn't want to set this ball rolling-he has no idea where it'll end up. He doesn't think they'll really understand him if he uses those terms, though. He tries to think of it on a level they might get.
"I can't be your boyfriend," he says, still speaking quietly in case there are any innocent bystanders around. "I'm twice your age."
This time, they both laugh, which wasn't exactly what he was expecting. "We don't want you to be our boyfriend," one of them says, like it's the most ridiculous concept ever introduced to him. "You can't go out with two people at once."
"Alright. What do you want?" Noel asks tiredly, leaning against the doorframe and stifling a yawn.
"Edward wants you to fuck him," says the twin in the blue jacket, very matter-of-factly and not terribly quietly, jabbing a finger at his brother. Noel somehow manages to choke on his yawn.
"Jo-ohn," Edward whines, blushing and scuffing his feet. He looks up at Noel sheepishly, and then both twins start talking a mile a minute. "No, listen, me and John okay, we've only ever done stuff with each other and we wanna like, branch out, because there are a lot of people and stuff we could learn and it's like-"
"Limiting," John finishes his twin's sentence, "like, we still wanna be with each other but the other day with you was like, so cool okay-"
Edward cuts in with a helpful echo of "So cool!"
"-and we keep talking about it and Edward's only ever had me inside of him, right, except for this one time when this creepy older fan guy sent us this dildo-"
Noel has, up until this point, been sort of frozen and speechless, but at the word dildo he leaps into action and grabs both boys by the scruff of the neck, yanking them inside. He peers up the street, praying none of that was heard by any passersby, and then shuts the door. If this ends up in a magazine or something, he's going to have to get seriously creative with his excuses.
"Wow, your house is so cool," Edward gushes, completely oblivious to Noel's panic, wandering down the hallway and poking at things.
"Did you paint this?" John asks, peering at a picture on the wall, his nose about an inch from the canvas.
"Yeah," Noel says, rubbing his forehead where he can feel a headache coming on, "listen-"
"Can we see your bedroom?" Edward interrupts, already making his way up the stairs.
Oh, god. By the time Noel's decided that he guesses that would be okay, both of the twins are already at the top of the stairs and Noel has to trot after them to catch up. He points at his room and they wander in, looking around and making odd little comments to each other, picking things up and putting them down again.
"Did anyone ever send you a dildo, Noel Fielding?" John asks.
"I can't say that they have," Noel replies.
"We have some really pervy fans," Edward comments absentmindedly, "but I mean, we did use it okay, because we like, appreciate everything they give us and we'd never used one before. It was kind of fun. It wasn't as big as John though, and then John, like-" he starts laughing, darting a look at his brother.
John is trying to balance an ashtray on top of a sculpture of a stegosaurus, and failing, but as soon as he realises what Edward is saying he hurries over to him and takes a hold of both of his hands. "Don't, Edward, okay, just-"
Edward is still giggling, pink in the cheeks again and sort of halfheartedly fighting John off. "John-" he can't get the words out through his laughter, "he wanted to put them both in me at the same time-him and the thing-"
"Ed'ard," John whines, elbowing him. The two of them sort of wrestle with each other for a bit, and Edward doesn't say anything further so John takes the chance to explain himself, gripping a weakly giggling Edward by the arm and looking at Noel. "That's not even how it happened, okay, he's totally just making me sound like a weirdo, he was the one who asked, okay, he wanted it."
Noel has no idea what to say to this, so he settles for looking at them in a sort of open-mouthed, wide-eyed way. He'd forgotten how casual they are about this kind of thing, how weirdly innocent and yet simultaneously filthy. Of course he'd assumed they would have experimented in that area, but the idea of Edward having both John's cock and a dildo inside of him-jesus. It kind of makes it even more baffling that they think they could gain something from further experiences with Noel.
It's also kind of hot, though. He likes the idea of Edward being greedy for it like that; it fits with what he'd already assumed, pictured-Edward begging for more, needy and desperate. He looks at Edward now. He's basically the same colour as his hoodie, and his hair is hanging down in front of his eyes like he's attempting to hide behind it, and he looks far too adorable for his own good. Shit. Noel wants to fuck him. He wishes he didn't, but he really does. After filming he pretty much figured they would just disappear from his life, but to have them here in his bedroom, actually literally asking for it-what the hell else is he supposed to do? Nobody has that kind of willpower, okay? Nobody.
"Alright, listen," he says, clapping his hands together and making the two of them jump. "I'm gonna do this for you, because against my better judgement I think you're a little bit amazing, but that really has to be it, okay? No more showing up on my doorstep babbling about sex toys, alright? After this, you find someone else to further corrupt you." He pauses, jokes, "I can give you Russell Brand's number."
"Oh my god, Russell Brand is so cool, okay, he told us he fancied us on Twitter," says Edward, and Noel sort of wants to bang his head against the wall. He should have known not to add anything onto the end of that.
"I bet he did," Noel says, "are you listening?"
"Yeah, totally," John nods enthusiastically, "you said you'd do it."
Okay, seriously, screw it. He doesn't have the patience for this. "Alright, whatever, c'mere."
The twins bound over and Edward throws his arms around Noel, kisses him. He's clearly forgotten everything Noel taught him about not kissing like an over-excited inexperienced teenager, but this time Noel isn't that bothered. It's kind of good, actually, like Edward is just that eager for him.
Then he realises that Edward hasn't actually said it yet, hasn't asked him. The twins are basically both the same person so it doesn't seem to matter, but-he kind of wants to hear Edward say it. "You want me to fuck you?" he murmurs, nipping at Edward's bottom lip.
"Mmh," is Edward's only response, and then another messy kiss.
"Yeah?" Noel encourages.
"Yeah," Edward says, more clearly, and shoots a look at John, who grins. Noel can't really handle the way the two of them look at each other like that; it's flirty and it's weird, so different to the way any other siblings look at each other. He kind of gets a kick out of it.
Noel brings his hands down to Edward's arse, clutches at it through his jeans, and Edward lets out a surprised, slightly embarrassed little noise. "Tell me," Noel whispers.
For a moment Edward says nothing. His eyes flicker up to Noel's face, then down to the floor again like he's suddenly too shy, then to John for reassurance. "I want you to fuck me, okay?" he says eventually, voice catching a little on the word fuck. Noel feels his mouth spreading into a grin. "I want you to fuck me with your big dick," he adds, voice a little huskier now and he's grinning sheepishly. Shit, that was totally unnecessary and unexpected, and okay, it's a dumb porn star sentence, but Noel's cock is hard almost instantly hearing it come out of Edward's mouth.
John is watching them like he's amused, biting his lip in anticipation, and Noel wonders if this is how it's going to work, if John's going to watch while Noel fucks his brother right there on the bed in front of him. He shifts, pressing against Edward, letting him feel the stiff bulge in his boxers. Edward makes another one of those little noises that drives Noel crazy, and he wonders how the hell he's going to be able to do this without coming in about three seconds flat.
He can feel Edward getting harder against him, and he reaches down between their bodies to cup at his crotch, feel the heat there. Edward sort of squirms, pulling back to tug his hoodie up over his head. The t-shirt he's wearing underneath has Britney Spears on it. Noel holds back from commenting, just yanks it off him and spreads his hands out over the boy's skinny torso, his pale hairless chest and his flat stomach. Noel's hands look big against him, which is sort of hot in a weird way, and he brings them down to Edward's fly, needing him undressed now.
He's really not usually one to take charge in these situations; even with the twins last time he pretty much let them take the lead. But something about Edward just makes him want to throw him down on the floor and have his way with him. Make him scream. Fuck. Edward moves back a bit to get out of his shoes and socks, and he shuffles out of his jeans too, revealing what's basically the smallest pair of pants Noel has ever seen. They've either been designed for a twelve year old, or for a girl. Possibly a twelve year old girl. Edward's cock is so hard now that the head of it is peeking out the waistband, and Noel swallows. He wonders if they did this on purpose; it seems totally in line with their personalities that they would plan out special seduce-Noel-Fielding outfits.
Noel reaches out, spreads his fingers out over the bulge in Edward's underwear, rubbing at him with the flat of his hand. Edward practically falls against him, clutching at his hip, burying his head in Noel's bare chest and moaning. Noel glances over at John, and sees that he's undressing too, just sort of slowly and casually slipping off his trousers. Yeah, same pants. Jesus.
"Alright," says Noel, "bed."
Edward obeys instantly, practically throwing himself down on it. The covers are all askew from where Noel left them when he got up to answer the door, and Edward just sort of writhes into a comfortable position, the bottom half of his legs hanging over the foot of the bed. Noel pretty much just wants to throw himself on top of him and-and-ravish him or something, but he restrains himself, bends over and peels down Edward's pants instead. Edward lifts his hips a little and Noel drags them down and throws them over his shoulder. John catches them, giggling, and comes over to sit down next to Edward on the bed.
Noel lies down on Edward's other side, sort of awkwardly, turned towards him and resting his head on his hand. He runs his other hand down over Edward's chest, where the skin is starting to flush and acquire a thin sheen of sweat. He reaches Edward's cock and wraps his hand around it, it's already wet he's drooling so much pre-come, and Noel has the sudden urge to suck him off again but he knows he shouldn't attempt too much right now or else he's really not going to last. He jerks him a little, and Edward stretches his head back, exposing the pretty pale column of his throat and making a little nng sound. He spreads his legs instinctively and Noel snakes his hand lower.
"Yeah, you have to use your fingers first okay, otherwise it hurts him too much," John offers from Edward's other side, his voice a little thick.
Noel chuckles, not bothering to dignify that with more of a response. He shuffles closer to Edward, who opens his legs even wider, and Noel finds his hole, feels it. His finger is wet enough from Edward's pre-come to gently push the tip in, and John sits up straighter to watch closely, like he's afraid that Noel is going to do something wrong.
"You okay, Ed'ard?" he asks gently, and Edward nods.
"He hasn't even really done anything yet," he tells John, and well, all right, if that's how he's going to play it-Noel brings his hand back up to his mouth and spits on two of his fingers before returning them between Edward's legs, circling Edward's hole with them.
To his surprise, Edward squirms, pushing his hips down like he's trying to get Noel's fingers inside him. It's so blatant that that's what he's doing, hips making tiny little circular movements and pushing down the bed. He's biting his lip and his breathing is coming heavier and his hard cock is bouncing against his belly and Noel almost wants to laugh. God, he likes being fucked too, and he's usually pretty eager for it-is this what he looks like? Is he really that shameless? It's almost embarrassing, only it's stupidly hot, too.
"Don't tease him," John scolds suddenly, and Noel chuckles, pushing his middle finger in just as Edward is trying to grind down against it. It's not easy, he's incredibly tight; but he wants it so much, doesn't show any signs of struggling with it, so Noel slides his index finger in too only a second or two later. Edward moans appreciatively, turning his head to look at John.
Noel watches as the twins smile at each other, as John reaches out and caresses Edward's face and Edward sort of giggles breathily, shaking him off. Noel gently starts to fuck Edward with his fingers, sliding them as deep as he can and marvelling at how fucking tight he is. He can't even imagine what that's going to feel like around his dick.
"John," he says, juts his chin at him, "can you-the table behind you, can you look in the drawer?" He realises he's probably going to have to be a little more clear than that, but it's hard to think when he's got two fingers knuckle-deep inside Edward. "Can you get me the lube in the clear bottle, and a condom?"
"Yeah, okay," says John, getting up. He rummages around in the drawer, rambling a little. "Wow, it's so cool that you just have everything right here by the bed. We have to hide all our stuff, otherwise people would be like what the hell-this?" he interrupts himself, holding up the bottle of lube Noel was talking about.
"Yeah," Noel says, and John tosses it onto the bed and makes to come back. "And a condom," Noel reminds him.
"Oh right, yeah, sorry." John rummages for a moment further and then throws the box of condoms onto the bed too. "Me and Edward, okay, we don't use them because we're only ever with each other and it's not like we're gonna get each other pregnant-you okay, Ed'ard?"
Edward is kind of a squirmy mess already, bucking down against Noel's fingers and sighing softly to himself. Noel stopped actually moving his fingers about a minute ago, just out of curiosity, wondering whether Edward would just keep fucking himself on them. And he did. It's kind of amusing, really.
"Mmhm," Edward responds. He turns his head to look at Noel. "I think I'm ready, okay?"
Noel smiles down at him. "Okay."
He removes his fingers and gets up, pulling off his boxers and stroking his cock just a little, trying to prepare himself for this. He looks down and takes a moment to appreciate the strange sight on his bed, Edward all splayed out over the edge and his mirror image perched there on the side next to him, petting his hair. Noel shakes his head.
"D'you wanna-" he says, gesturing, and Edward shuffles up the bed until his head finds a pillow.
He turns and nuzzles into it. "Hey, it smells like you," he murmurs, pressing the corner of the pillow against his nose. Jesus. What is Noel supposed to say to that? "Anyway," says Edward, and then rolls over, as if he thought what Noel's gesture meant, get on all fours so I can fuck you from behind.
"Oh," says Noel, but there doesn't seem to be much else to say, so he just clambers back onto the bed. He leans over to get the condoms and manages to put one on despite the fact that Edward is being very distracting, on his hands and knees right next to Noel and not waiting particularly patiently. He keeps sort of wiggling, but by the time Noel is sorted, slicking himself up with lube, the twins are kissing.
Noel watches them for a moment, until they seem to remember his presence, and then he settles himself between Edward's legs. He slides his hands up the smooth skin of the backs of Edward's thighs, giving himself a moment to just look-the curve of Edward's arse just being presented to him like that, his hole slightly pink in contrast to the pale skin all around it.
"This is so weird," Edward says to John, "it's always you."
"I know," John replies and he sounds kind of distant, out of it, looking between Noel's legs instead of at his brother.
Noel gets the lube again and spreads a little bit over Edward, wanting to make sure he's really ready. There's not much of a difference between him and the twins, size-wise, but he is a little bigger, and Edward may have taken both John and a dildo one time, but he has no idea how successful that little experiment was and you can never be too careful.
"It's so weird that you're not John," Edward says, almost conversationally, and Noel sort of wants to pat him.
Instead, he takes his cock in his hand and presses the head gently up against Edward, hears himself murmur relax. Edward opens up for him and he slides inside, just a little, and god, he's tight, he's really tight. He looks up at the ceiling, unable to handle watching himself push deeper, spread Edward wide. John is watching intently, still in his t-shirt and pants, perched on the edge of the bed with his hand resting on the back of Edward's neck.
"Is it okay, Ed'ard?" he asks quietly. "Is he doing it right?"
"It's fine, John," Edward breathes, and Noel's never heard his voice sound quite like that before. He shuffles a little closer on his knees, brings his hips in closer, feels himself sliding deeper into that tight heat. Fuck, it's so good. He shoves the last inch in a little too fast, desperate to be buried completely, and Edward lets out this whimper, and he sounds a little hurt but it's such a good sound, so hot.
"You alright?" he murmurs, spreading his hand out across the smooth plane of Edward's back.
"Mmh," Edward whimpers again, "move, Noel."
Well, Noel's not one to disobey a direct order. He draws back a little, not even halfway, before driving back in again, letting his hips nudge up against Edward's pert little arse. He does it again, pulls further out and slams in faster. Again. Each time, Edward makes that desperate little whimpering sound, and Noel is transfixed.
"How is it, Ed'ard? Is it okay? What does he feel like?" John is babbling quietly in Edward's ear, but when Noel glances up he sees that John's eyes are on him, still, not on his brother.
"Bi-ig," Edward stutters, arching his back as Noel fills him up again, "ah-good. It's good. He's good. John-"
"I'm here," John says instantly, fingers spreading out across the nape of his twin's neck, stroking gently. "Do you want-?"
John's other hand is between his legs and Noel sees Edward nod. He watches as John stands up, quickly shedding his pants before getting back onto the bed, on his knees. It all happens in a mere instant; suddenly Edward's got John's cock between his lips, is suckling at the head as if for comfort, and now whatever noise he makes is deliciously muffled and thick with his mouth full. Noel takes a tighter hold of Edward's hips, pulls him back against him, shoves in deep. Edward cries out now, John's cock slipping from between his lips, and John feeds it back in without looking, watching Noel intently.
Which, well, that's incredibly hot. Noel watches, watches the way Edward struggles to suck John's cock when Noel pounds him harder, the way all he can do is mouth uselessly at it if it slips out until John guides it back between his lips again. Noel grips Edward's hips tightly, increases his pace, thrusts faster and harder until they can hear the slap of skin on skin and Edward's moaning is constant and hoarse, John's cock forgotten.
"Slow down," John says suddenly, a little sharp.
"No, no, it's good," Edward moans, and he sounds drunk on it, his words slurred, "it's so good, John."
"Edward, I don't like it," John whispers, looking down into his brother's eyes and raking his fingers back through the sweaty hair plastered to Edward's forehead. "I don't like seeing someone else fuck you."
Edward just whimpers around John's cock, hips rocking back and forth to meet Noel's thrusts. Noel slows way down, concerned.
"It's s'posed to be me, okay? It's always s'posed to be me."
"I know, no, it's okay John," Edward assures him, sounding a little flustered. "I know, I want-" he squirms, trying to push back, get more of Noel inside him.
John is doing something weird now, sort of shuffling down underneath Edward, to the extent that Noel actually has to reposition himself a little to make space.
"Woah, hey," he says, "what're you doing?"
He can hear the loud, slick sound of John stroking the lube over his cock, and Edward murmuring something to him.
"It's okay," John says, and Noel isn't sure which one of them he's reassuring. "You can take it, right, Ed'ard? Do you want me?"
His hips buck up and Noel feels the sudden nudge of his cock, sees it slide between Edward's thighs from underneath.
"Nnmh," is roughly Edward's response. John is canting his hips, his cock rubbing against Edward's inner thigh, smearing lube over the skin. Noel is barely moving anymore, just gently, slowly thrusting in and out, but realising this is something that might actually happen, he grabs for the lube where John abandoned it and squeezes out a little more, rubs it around the flushed edges of Edward's hole where his own dick is sliding in and out.
"C'mon, Ed'ard," John is muttering, voice hoarse and needy.
"Y-yeah," Edward manages. John's cock slips, up, rubs right against Noel's. "Yeah, John, yeah, okay. Put it in."
Noel, feeling completely out of his depth, decides the best thing to do at this point is probably to stay still. He watches as John reaches down and takes a hold of his cock and Edward sits up a little, the two of them trying to find the right angle. Noel just-watches. Surely, he thinks, surely this isn't going to work. He's seen it in porn and all, but for all he knows, porn stars have their arseholes medically stretched or something beforehand. People don't tend to do this in real life, as far as he knows, at least not on a whim like this-but he supposes it shouldn't surprise him that the twins are doing something without thinking it through.
God, Edward feels so tight around him and there just doesn't seem to be any way that John will be able to fit too. That dildo they used, it must have been small. At first John is just pushing, and nothing is happening, his cock is sort of sliding from all the lube but not going in, and Noel can't quite see what's happening but then suddenly he feels it, the head of John's cock pushing alongside his, pressed impossibly close and burningly hot. Edward cries out, sounding slightly pained, and Noel spreads out a comforting hand along his back, strokes soothingly. John is wiping Edward's hair out of his face.
"It's okay, it's okay," he's saying, "it's-" he slides in a little bit deeper and Noel grits his teeth, trying desperately to keep his own hips still, "it's-you're doing so good, Ed'ard, oh my god."
John sinks in as deep as he can and Edward whines, trembling, clutching onto John beneath him and squirming around the two cocks filling him up.
"You can move, Noel, if you want," John says, and Noel lets out a sort of breathy laugh of disbelief, easing back a little bit more in order to thrust back in. And, good fucking god. He thought Edward was tight before; this is just unbelievable.
"Oh god, oh my god, oh god," Edward babbles, clinging to John. "J-J-John."
"I know," John says, "just-here-"
And Edward begins to move with them, ever-so-slowly at first, just sinking down and back and then gradually lifting up again, until it's like he's riding them, pace increasing. He's moaning so loud Noel's sure the neighbours will hear, and he doesn't even care, he just meets Edward's rhythm, slides a hand up the boy's sweaty back and rubs at the skin like he's saying well done.
He means to say something comforting or proud like the sweet things John is murmuring, but what comes out is, "Holy fuck, this is amazing." Which, to be fair, is just as truthful.
He can't stop watching, watching the two of them sliding in and out, stretching Edward wide, and he can feel every little movement that John makes, and it's so good it's fucking unbearable. It feels like his orgasm has been building for the last two hundred years and suddenly it's there, wracking his body, making him clutch at Edward and slump over him and seize up.
"Are you coming? Oh, my god, I can feel it, that's so-" he's faintly aware of John saying, and then everything else is white noise for a good long while.
When he manages to re-establish his surroundings, he's sitting on the bed beside the twins, condom in his hand, and he's watching them, slack-jawed, his whole body buzzing. Edward is riding John, doing it like he has no energy left, heaving his body up and down and making this face, this gorgeous fucked-out blissful grimace. He's so pink, his hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, and he just looks like such a beautiful mess. John's gnawing at his bottom lip, hips snapping up and down in a clumsy rhythm that doesn't match Edward's in the slightest, and his hand is on his brother's cock, wanking him frantically.
They come within mere seconds of each other; Edward first and it seems like his body can hardly take it, his moan sounds weak and broken like it's being torn from his throat and he shudders all over, spurting over John's body, one splash reaching right up to John's jaw. John follows, fingers tensing up on Edward's hips, knuckles whitening, eyes squeezing shut.
Noel just gazes at them. He's not sure he's ever going to be able to move again.
As they come down, they sort of pet at one another, smoothing each other's hair aside and stroking each other's faces and kissing. Edward eases himself off and he looks-Noel doesn't even know how he looks. He has never seen anyone look so thoroughly fucked and so thoroughly happy about it. He looks wrecked, but completely thrilled. His legs are like jelly and he only manages to get about an inch away from John before collapsing, motionless and grinning into Noel's pillows.
"You're gonna get a wet spot in my bed," Noel tells him, clearing his throat.
"S'okay," Edward mumbles, voice muffled against the pillow. "It's my turn to sleep in it anyway."
John rolls over and curls up to his twin, throwing an arm over him. They are both completely filthy, their skin shining, but they seem utterly unconcerned. Noel is still holding his condom, like an idiot. He's seriously not sure he's going to be able to move again. He's forgotten how. Shit, what's he gotten himself into? He needs to learn how to say no.
"Can we have a nap now?"
"I knooow, oh my god, I just want to sleep for like the entire rest of the day."
"This is the most tired I've ever been in my life. Literally."
Noel lets the twins' conversation sort of drift in one ear and out the other, until he realises Edward is saying his name.
"Noel, hey, Noel Fielding." Noel blinks down at him, and thankfully manages to remember how to nod. Edward yawns noisily and snuggles up to him like a sleepy cat. "Were you serious about giving us Russell Brand's phone number?"
End.
AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO ENCOURAGE ME TO TURN THIS INTO SOME KIND OF SERIES AND GET RUSSELL BRAND INVOLVED, THEN-THEN I QUIT THE INTERNET. IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE I WON'T WRITE IT.
Title: you can have whatever you like
Author: likecharity
Pairing: John Grimes/Edward Grimes/Noel Fielding
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Real person slash, twincest, age difference, and...double penetration (Edward on the receiving end).
Summary: Porn, porn, 5000 more words of porn. After filming he pretty much figured they would just disappear from his life, but to have them here in his bedroom, actually literally asking for it-what the hell else is he supposed to do? Nobody has that kind of willpower, okay? Nobody.
A/N: I accidentally a whole sequel. :/ This time I would like to blame portraitofafool please. (Follows on from this.)
"Oh, Christ," sighs Noel, rubbing his face as he stands there in the doorway. It's 10am and fucking Jedward are on his doorstep. He should've known they wouldn't understand the concept of a one night stand. Bravely, he brings his hand down from his face, and fixes them with a look. "Hi," he attempts, and it comes out like a sort of exasperated drawl.
"Hi Noel Fielding," they chorus. One of them is bouncing up and down slightly on the balls of his feet. It's too early to bother trying to tell them apart. "Did we wake you up?" that one asks.
"Yeah," Noel grumbles. This should be fairly obvious considering the state of his voice and the fact that he's standing there in nothing but boxers, blearily blinking at them in the morning sun. Then again, Jedward aren't particularly brilliant at observation. "Why are you here? When did I give you my address?" he sort of groans.
Their faces fall. Noel hates it when they look sad; it makes him feel like he just kicked a puppy. It doesn't help that they look really, really cute, much cuter than anyone has a right to look in the morning. Their hair is flat and a little messy, like maybe they didn't have time to do anything with it before setting out on their trip to Noel's, and they're not matching today-they're in the same jeans and trainers, but one of them is in a shiny blue jacket and the other in a magenta hoodie.
"Look, I'm sorry," he says quickly, shaking his head, "I just-I'm not here to just," he lowers his voice, "suck you off whenever you show up at my door."
One of them giggles and the other one still looks kind of sad. "We just wanted to come see you," says the sad one.
And, okay, fine, Noel will admit that a small part of him sort of hoped this might happen. But a very small part. A post-orgasm part. Second times are dangerous, because they can lead to third times, and he doesn't want to set this ball rolling-he has no idea where it'll end up. He doesn't think they'll really understand him if he uses those terms, though. He tries to think of it on a level they might get.
"I can't be your boyfriend," he says, still speaking quietly in case there are any innocent bystanders around. "I'm twice your age."
This time, they both laugh, which wasn't exactly what he was expecting. "We don't want you to be our boyfriend," one of them says, like it's the most ridiculous concept ever introduced to him. "You can't go out with two people at once."
"Alright. What do you want?" Noel asks tiredly, leaning against the doorframe and stifling a yawn.
"Edward wants you to fuck him," says the twin in the blue jacket, very matter-of-factly and not terribly quietly, jabbing a finger at his brother. Noel somehow manages to choke on his yawn.
"Jo-ohn," Edward whines, blushing and scuffing his feet. He looks up at Noel sheepishly, and then both twins start talking a mile a minute. "No, listen, me and John okay, we've only ever done stuff with each other and we wanna like, branch out, because there are a lot of people and stuff we could learn and it's like-"
"Limiting," John finishes his twin's sentence, "like, we still wanna be with each other but the other day with you was like, so cool okay-"
Edward cuts in with a helpful echo of "So cool!"
"-and we keep talking about it and Edward's only ever had me inside of him, right, except for this one time when this creepy older fan guy sent us this dildo-"
Noel has, up until this point, been sort of frozen and speechless, but at the word dildo he leaps into action and grabs both boys by the scruff of the neck, yanking them inside. He peers up the street, praying none of that was heard by any passersby, and then shuts the door. If this ends up in a magazine or something, he's going to have to get seriously creative with his excuses.
"Wow, your house is so cool," Edward gushes, completely oblivious to Noel's panic, wandering down the hallway and poking at things.
"Did you paint this?" John asks, peering at a picture on the wall, his nose about an inch from the canvas.
"Yeah," Noel says, rubbing his forehead where he can feel a headache coming on, "listen-"
"Can we see your bedroom?" Edward interrupts, already making his way up the stairs.
Oh, god. By the time Noel's decided that he guesses that would be okay, both of the twins are already at the top of the stairs and Noel has to trot after them to catch up. He points at his room and they wander in, looking around and making odd little comments to each other, picking things up and putting them down again.
"Did anyone ever send you a dildo, Noel Fielding?" John asks.
"I can't say that they have," Noel replies.
"We have some really pervy fans," Edward comments absentmindedly, "but I mean, we did use it okay, because we like, appreciate everything they give us and we'd never used one before. It was kind of fun. It wasn't as big as John though, and then John, like-" he starts laughing, darting a look at his brother.
John is trying to balance an ashtray on top of a sculpture of a stegosaurus, and failing, but as soon as he realises what Edward is saying he hurries over to him and takes a hold of both of his hands. "Don't, Edward, okay, just-"
Edward is still giggling, pink in the cheeks again and sort of halfheartedly fighting John off. "John-" he can't get the words out through his laughter, "he wanted to put them both in me at the same time-him and the thing-"
"Ed'ard," John whines, elbowing him. The two of them sort of wrestle with each other for a bit, and Edward doesn't say anything further so John takes the chance to explain himself, gripping a weakly giggling Edward by the arm and looking at Noel. "That's not even how it happened, okay, he's totally just making me sound like a weirdo, he was the one who asked, okay, he wanted it."
Noel has no idea what to say to this, so he settles for looking at them in a sort of open-mouthed, wide-eyed way. He'd forgotten how casual they are about this kind of thing, how weirdly innocent and yet simultaneously filthy. Of course he'd assumed they would have experimented in that area, but the idea of Edward having both John's cock and a dildo inside of him-jesus. It kind of makes it even more baffling that they think they could gain something from further experiences with Noel.
It's also kind of hot, though. He likes the idea of Edward being greedy for it like that; it fits with what he'd already assumed, pictured-Edward begging for more, needy and desperate. He looks at Edward now. He's basically the same colour as his hoodie, and his hair is hanging down in front of his eyes like he's attempting to hide behind it, and he looks far too adorable for his own good. Shit. Noel wants to fuck him. He wishes he didn't, but he really does. After filming he pretty much figured they would just disappear from his life, but to have them here in his bedroom, actually literally asking for it-what the hell else is he supposed to do? Nobody has that kind of willpower, okay? Nobody.
"Alright, listen," he says, clapping his hands together and making the two of them jump. "I'm gonna do this for you, because against my better judgement I think you're a little bit amazing, but that really has to be it, okay? No more showing up on my doorstep babbling about sex toys, alright? After this, you find someone else to further corrupt you." He pauses, jokes, "I can give you Russell Brand's number."
"Oh my god, Russell Brand is so cool, okay, he told us he fancied us on Twitter," says Edward, and Noel sort of wants to bang his head against the wall. He should have known not to add anything onto the end of that.
"I bet he did," Noel says, "are you listening?"
"Yeah, totally," John nods enthusiastically, "you said you'd do it."
Okay, seriously, screw it. He doesn't have the patience for this. "Alright, whatever, c'mere."
The twins bound over and Edward throws his arms around Noel, kisses him. He's clearly forgotten everything Noel taught him about not kissing like an over-excited inexperienced teenager, but this time Noel isn't that bothered. It's kind of good, actually, like Edward is just that eager for him.
Then he realises that Edward hasn't actually said it yet, hasn't asked him. The twins are basically both the same person so it doesn't seem to matter, but-he kind of wants to hear Edward say it. "You want me to fuck you?" he murmurs, nipping at Edward's bottom lip.
"Mmh," is Edward's only response, and then another messy kiss.
"Yeah?" Noel encourages.
"Yeah," Edward says, more clearly, and shoots a look at John, who grins. Noel can't really handle the way the two of them look at each other like that; it's flirty and it's weird, so different to the way any other siblings look at each other. He kind of gets a kick out of it.
Noel brings his hands down to Edward's arse, clutches at it through his jeans, and Edward lets out a surprised, slightly embarrassed little noise. "Tell me," Noel whispers.
For a moment Edward says nothing. His eyes flicker up to Noel's face, then down to the floor again like he's suddenly too shy, then to John for reassurance. "I want you to fuck me, okay?" he says eventually, voice catching a little on the word fuck. Noel feels his mouth spreading into a grin. "I want you to fuck me with your big dick," he adds, voice a little huskier now and he's grinning sheepishly. Shit, that was totally unnecessary and unexpected, and okay, it's a dumb porn star sentence, but Noel's cock is hard almost instantly hearing it come out of Edward's mouth.
John is watching them like he's amused, biting his lip in anticipation, and Noel wonders if this is how it's going to work, if John's going to watch while Noel fucks his brother right there on the bed in front of him. He shifts, pressing against Edward, letting him feel the stiff bulge in his boxers. Edward makes another one of those little noises that drives Noel crazy, and he wonders how the hell he's going to be able to do this without coming in about three seconds flat.
He can feel Edward getting harder against him, and he reaches down between their bodies to cup at his crotch, feel the heat there. Edward sort of squirms, pulling back to tug his hoodie up over his head. The t-shirt he's wearing underneath has Britney Spears on it. Noel holds back from commenting, just yanks it off him and spreads his hands out over the boy's skinny torso, his pale hairless chest and his flat stomach. Noel's hands look big against him, which is sort of hot in a weird way, and he brings them down to Edward's fly, needing him undressed now.
He's really not usually one to take charge in these situations; even with the twins last time he pretty much let them take the lead. But something about Edward just makes him want to throw him down on the floor and have his way with him. Make him scream. Fuck. Edward moves back a bit to get out of his shoes and socks, and he shuffles out of his jeans too, revealing what's basically the smallest pair of pants Noel has ever seen. They've either been designed for a twelve year old, or for a girl. Possibly a twelve year old girl. Edward's cock is so hard now that the head of it is peeking out the waistband, and Noel swallows. He wonders if they did this on purpose; it seems totally in line with their personalities that they would plan out special seduce-Noel-Fielding outfits.
Noel reaches out, spreads his fingers out over the bulge in Edward's underwear, rubbing at him with the flat of his hand. Edward practically falls against him, clutching at his hip, burying his head in Noel's bare chest and moaning. Noel glances over at John, and sees that he's undressing too, just sort of slowly and casually slipping off his trousers. Yeah, same pants. Jesus.
"Alright," says Noel, "bed."
Edward obeys instantly, practically throwing himself down on it. The covers are all askew from where Noel left them when he got up to answer the door, and Edward just sort of writhes into a comfortable position, the bottom half of his legs hanging over the foot of the bed. Noel pretty much just wants to throw himself on top of him and-and-ravish him or something, but he restrains himself, bends over and peels down Edward's pants instead. Edward lifts his hips a little and Noel drags them down and throws them over his shoulder. John catches them, giggling, and comes over to sit down next to Edward on the bed.
Noel lies down on Edward's other side, sort of awkwardly, turned towards him and resting his head on his hand. He runs his other hand down over Edward's chest, where the skin is starting to flush and acquire a thin sheen of sweat. He reaches Edward's cock and wraps his hand around it, it's already wet he's drooling so much pre-come, and Noel has the sudden urge to suck him off again but he knows he shouldn't attempt too much right now or else he's really not going to last. He jerks him a little, and Edward stretches his head back, exposing the pretty pale column of his throat and making a little nng sound. He spreads his legs instinctively and Noel snakes his hand lower.
"Yeah, you have to use your fingers first okay, otherwise it hurts him too much," John offers from Edward's other side, his voice a little thick.
Noel chuckles, not bothering to dignify that with more of a response. He shuffles closer to Edward, who opens his legs even wider, and Noel finds his hole, feels it. His finger is wet enough from Edward's pre-come to gently push the tip in, and John sits up straighter to watch closely, like he's afraid that Noel is going to do something wrong.
"You okay, Ed'ard?" he asks gently, and Edward nods.
"He hasn't even really done anything yet," he tells John, and well, all right, if that's how he's going to play it-Noel brings his hand back up to his mouth and spits on two of his fingers before returning them between Edward's legs, circling Edward's hole with them.
To his surprise, Edward squirms, pushing his hips down like he's trying to get Noel's fingers inside him. It's so blatant that that's what he's doing, hips making tiny little circular movements and pushing down the bed. He's biting his lip and his breathing is coming heavier and his hard cock is bouncing against his belly and Noel almost wants to laugh. God, he likes being fucked too, and he's usually pretty eager for it-is this what he looks like? Is he really that shameless? It's almost embarrassing, only it's stupidly hot, too.
"Don't tease him," John scolds suddenly, and Noel chuckles, pushing his middle finger in just as Edward is trying to grind down against it. It's not easy, he's incredibly tight; but he wants it so much, doesn't show any signs of struggling with it, so Noel slides his index finger in too only a second or two later. Edward moans appreciatively, turning his head to look at John.
Noel watches as the twins smile at each other, as John reaches out and caresses Edward's face and Edward sort of giggles breathily, shaking him off. Noel gently starts to fuck Edward with his fingers, sliding them as deep as he can and marvelling at how fucking tight he is. He can't even imagine what that's going to feel like around his dick.
"John," he says, juts his chin at him, "can you-the table behind you, can you look in the drawer?" He realises he's probably going to have to be a little more clear than that, but it's hard to think when he's got two fingers knuckle-deep inside Edward. "Can you get me the lube in the clear bottle, and a condom?"
"Yeah, okay," says John, getting up. He rummages around in the drawer, rambling a little. "Wow, it's so cool that you just have everything right here by the bed. We have to hide all our stuff, otherwise people would be like what the hell-this?" he interrupts himself, holding up the bottle of lube Noel was talking about.
"Yeah," Noel says, and John tosses it onto the bed and makes to come back. "And a condom," Noel reminds him.
"Oh right, yeah, sorry." John rummages for a moment further and then throws the box of condoms onto the bed too. "Me and Edward, okay, we don't use them because we're only ever with each other and it's not like we're gonna get each other pregnant-you okay, Ed'ard?"
Edward is kind of a squirmy mess already, bucking down against Noel's fingers and sighing softly to himself. Noel stopped actually moving his fingers about a minute ago, just out of curiosity, wondering whether Edward would just keep fucking himself on them. And he did. It's kind of amusing, really.
"Mmhm," Edward responds. He turns his head to look at Noel. "I think I'm ready, okay?"
Noel smiles down at him. "Okay."
He removes his fingers and gets up, pulling off his boxers and stroking his cock just a little, trying to prepare himself for this. He looks down and takes a moment to appreciate the strange sight on his bed, Edward all splayed out over the edge and his mirror image perched there on the side next to him, petting his hair. Noel shakes his head.
"D'you wanna-" he says, gesturing, and Edward shuffles up the bed until his head finds a pillow.
He turns and nuzzles into it. "Hey, it smells like you," he murmurs, pressing the corner of the pillow against his nose. Jesus. What is Noel supposed to say to that? "Anyway," says Edward, and then rolls over, as if he thought what Noel's gesture meant, get on all fours so I can fuck you from behind.
"Oh," says Noel, but there doesn't seem to be much else to say, so he just clambers back onto the bed. He leans over to get the condoms and manages to put one on despite the fact that Edward is being very distracting, on his hands and knees right next to Noel and not waiting particularly patiently. He keeps sort of wiggling, but by the time Noel is sorted, slicking himself up with lube, the twins are kissing.
Noel watches them for a moment, until they seem to remember his presence, and then he settles himself between Edward's legs. He slides his hands up the smooth skin of the backs of Edward's thighs, giving himself a moment to just look-the curve of Edward's arse just being presented to him like that, his hole slightly pink in contrast to the pale skin all around it.
"This is so weird," Edward says to John, "it's always you."
"I know," John replies and he sounds kind of distant, out of it, looking between Noel's legs instead of at his brother.
Noel gets the lube again and spreads a little bit over Edward, wanting to make sure he's really ready. There's not much of a difference between him and the twins, size-wise, but he is a little bigger, and Edward may have taken both John and a dildo one time, but he has no idea how successful that little experiment was and you can never be too careful.
"It's so weird that you're not John," Edward says, almost conversationally, and Noel sort of wants to pat him.
Instead, he takes his cock in his hand and presses the head gently up against Edward, hears himself murmur relax. Edward opens up for him and he slides inside, just a little, and god, he's tight, he's really tight. He looks up at the ceiling, unable to handle watching himself push deeper, spread Edward wide. John is watching intently, still in his t-shirt and pants, perched on the edge of the bed with his hand resting on the back of Edward's neck.
"Is it okay, Ed'ard?" he asks quietly. "Is he doing it right?"
"It's fine, John," Edward breathes, and Noel's never heard his voice sound quite like that before. He shuffles a little closer on his knees, brings his hips in closer, feels himself sliding deeper into that tight heat. Fuck, it's so good. He shoves the last inch in a little too fast, desperate to be buried completely, and Edward lets out this whimper, and he sounds a little hurt but it's such a good sound, so hot.
"You alright?" he murmurs, spreading his hand out across the smooth plane of Edward's back.
"Mmh," Edward whimpers again, "move, Noel."
Well, Noel's not one to disobey a direct order. He draws back a little, not even halfway, before driving back in again, letting his hips nudge up against Edward's pert little arse. He does it again, pulls further out and slams in faster. Again. Each time, Edward makes that desperate little whimpering sound, and Noel is transfixed.
"How is it, Ed'ard? Is it okay? What does he feel like?" John is babbling quietly in Edward's ear, but when Noel glances up he sees that John's eyes are on him, still, not on his brother.
"Bi-ig," Edward stutters, arching his back as Noel fills him up again, "ah-good. It's good. He's good. John-"
"I'm here," John says instantly, fingers spreading out across the nape of his twin's neck, stroking gently. "Do you want-?"
John's other hand is between his legs and Noel sees Edward nod. He watches as John stands up, quickly shedding his pants before getting back onto the bed, on his knees. It all happens in a mere instant; suddenly Edward's got John's cock between his lips, is suckling at the head as if for comfort, and now whatever noise he makes is deliciously muffled and thick with his mouth full. Noel takes a tighter hold of Edward's hips, pulls him back against him, shoves in deep. Edward cries out now, John's cock slipping from between his lips, and John feeds it back in without looking, watching Noel intently.
Which, well, that's incredibly hot. Noel watches, watches the way Edward struggles to suck John's cock when Noel pounds him harder, the way all he can do is mouth uselessly at it if it slips out until John guides it back between his lips again. Noel grips Edward's hips tightly, increases his pace, thrusts faster and harder until they can hear the slap of skin on skin and Edward's moaning is constant and hoarse, John's cock forgotten.
"Slow down," John says suddenly, a little sharp.
"No, no, it's good," Edward moans, and he sounds drunk on it, his words slurred, "it's so good, John."
"Edward, I don't like it," John whispers, looking down into his brother's eyes and raking his fingers back through the sweaty hair plastered to Edward's forehead. "I don't like seeing someone else fuck you."
Edward just whimpers around John's cock, hips rocking back and forth to meet Noel's thrusts. Noel slows way down, concerned.
"It's s'posed to be me, okay? It's always s'posed to be me."
"I know, no, it's okay John," Edward assures him, sounding a little flustered. "I know, I want-" he squirms, trying to push back, get more of Noel inside him.
John is doing something weird now, sort of shuffling down underneath Edward, to the extent that Noel actually has to reposition himself a little to make space.
"Woah, hey," he says, "what're you doing?"
He can hear the loud, slick sound of John stroking the lube over his cock, and Edward murmuring something to him.
"It's okay," John says, and Noel isn't sure which one of them he's reassuring. "You can take it, right, Ed'ard? Do you want me?"
His hips buck up and Noel feels the sudden nudge of his cock, sees it slide between Edward's thighs from underneath.
"Nnmh," is roughly Edward's response. John is canting his hips, his cock rubbing against Edward's inner thigh, smearing lube over the skin. Noel is barely moving anymore, just gently, slowly thrusting in and out, but realising this is something that might actually happen, he grabs for the lube where John abandoned it and squeezes out a little more, rubs it around the flushed edges of Edward's hole where his own dick is sliding in and out.
"C'mon, Ed'ard," John is muttering, voice hoarse and needy.
"Y-yeah," Edward manages. John's cock slips, up, rubs right against Noel's. "Yeah, John, yeah, okay. Put it in."
Noel, feeling completely out of his depth, decides the best thing to do at this point is probably to stay still. He watches as John reaches down and takes a hold of his cock and Edward sits up a little, the two of them trying to find the right angle. Noel just-watches. Surely, he thinks, surely this isn't going to work. He's seen it in porn and all, but for all he knows, porn stars have their arseholes medically stretched or something beforehand. People don't tend to do this in real life, as far as he knows, at least not on a whim like this-but he supposes it shouldn't surprise him that the twins are doing something without thinking it through.
God, Edward feels so tight around him and there just doesn't seem to be any way that John will be able to fit too. That dildo they used, it must have been small. At first John is just pushing, and nothing is happening, his cock is sort of sliding from all the lube but not going in, and Noel can't quite see what's happening but then suddenly he feels it, the head of John's cock pushing alongside his, pressed impossibly close and burningly hot. Edward cries out, sounding slightly pained, and Noel spreads out a comforting hand along his back, strokes soothingly. John is wiping Edward's hair out of his face.
"It's okay, it's okay," he's saying, "it's-" he slides in a little bit deeper and Noel grits his teeth, trying desperately to keep his own hips still, "it's-you're doing so good, Ed'ard, oh my god."
John sinks in as deep as he can and Edward whines, trembling, clutching onto John beneath him and squirming around the two cocks filling him up.
"You can move, Noel, if you want," John says, and Noel lets out a sort of breathy laugh of disbelief, easing back a little bit more in order to thrust back in. And, good fucking god. He thought Edward was tight before; this is just unbelievable.
"Oh god, oh my god, oh god," Edward babbles, clinging to John. "J-J-John."
"I know," John says, "just-here-"
And Edward begins to move with them, ever-so-slowly at first, just sinking down and back and then gradually lifting up again, until it's like he's riding them, pace increasing. He's moaning so loud Noel's sure the neighbours will hear, and he doesn't even care, he just meets Edward's rhythm, slides a hand up the boy's sweaty back and rubs at the skin like he's saying well done.
He means to say something comforting or proud like the sweet things John is murmuring, but what comes out is, "Holy fuck, this is amazing." Which, to be fair, is just as truthful.
He can't stop watching, watching the two of them sliding in and out, stretching Edward wide, and he can feel every little movement that John makes, and it's so good it's fucking unbearable. It feels like his orgasm has been building for the last two hundred years and suddenly it's there, wracking his body, making him clutch at Edward and slump over him and seize up.
"Are you coming? Oh, my god, I can feel it, that's so-" he's faintly aware of John saying, and then everything else is white noise for a good long while.
When he manages to re-establish his surroundings, he's sitting on the bed beside the twins, condom in his hand, and he's watching them, slack-jawed, his whole body buzzing. Edward is riding John, doing it like he has no energy left, heaving his body up and down and making this face, this gorgeous fucked-out blissful grimace. He's so pink, his hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, and he just looks like such a beautiful mess. John's gnawing at his bottom lip, hips snapping up and down in a clumsy rhythm that doesn't match Edward's in the slightest, and his hand is on his brother's cock, wanking him frantically.
They come within mere seconds of each other; Edward first and it seems like his body can hardly take it, his moan sounds weak and broken like it's being torn from his throat and he shudders all over, spurting over John's body, one splash reaching right up to John's jaw. John follows, fingers tensing up on Edward's hips, knuckles whitening, eyes squeezing shut.
Noel just gazes at them. He's not sure he's ever going to be able to move again.
As they come down, they sort of pet at one another, smoothing each other's hair aside and stroking each other's faces and kissing. Edward eases himself off and he looks-Noel doesn't even know how he looks. He has never seen anyone look so thoroughly fucked and so thoroughly happy about it. He looks wrecked, but completely thrilled. His legs are like jelly and he only manages to get about an inch away from John before collapsing, motionless and grinning into Noel's pillows.
"You're gonna get a wet spot in my bed," Noel tells him, clearing his throat.
"S'okay," Edward mumbles, voice muffled against the pillow. "It's my turn to sleep in it anyway."
John rolls over and curls up to his twin, throwing an arm over him. They are both completely filthy, their skin shining, but they seem utterly unconcerned. Noel is still holding his condom, like an idiot. He's seriously not sure he's going to be able to move again. He's forgotten how. Shit, what's he gotten himself into? He needs to learn how to say no.
"Can we have a nap now?"
"I knooow, oh my god, I just want to sleep for like the entire rest of the day."
"This is the most tired I've ever been in my life. Literally."
Noel lets the twins' conversation sort of drift in one ear and out the other, until he realises Edward is saying his name.
"Noel, hey, Noel Fielding." Noel blinks down at him, and thankfully manages to remember how to nod. Edward yawns noisily and snuggles up to him like a sleepy cat. "Were you serious about giving us Russell Brand's phone number?"
End.
AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO ENCOURAGE ME TO TURN THIS INTO SOME KIND OF SERIES AND GET RUSSELL BRAND INVOLVED, THEN-THEN I QUIT THE INTERNET. IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE I WON'T WRITE IT.