Fic: Jabberwocky, Part 27b, Green Cortina, Sytaxia

[sytaxia]

Gene slowly sat up and coughed a thick, short smoker’s cough as he awoke, stretching his arms and legs as he sat up on top of one of the camp beds that he’d set up in Chris’ spare room and feeling his back crackle slightly as he did so.  He pulled out his cigarettes and lit one, idly scratching at his chest and crotch as he pulled

Comments

[ext_57358]

And completely thrown once again! Quite a knack you have there. I just know I'm going to get to the end and go, "Oh, of course it was suchandsuch, however did I not put it together?" but right now, completely clueless. You are such a wonderful writer.

I did spot a few typos etc, but I can't remember exactly where they are, so obviously not too glaring and more likely myself being the little grammer/spelling dictator I am (English Major, whatcha gonna do, huh?)

Denslow... creeps me out. Has from day one really. Something a little slimey about him. Very interested in seeing where you take his character.

As always, waiting with baited breath (and that's a ridiculous phrase) for the next chapter.

[sytaxia]

Hehehe, I'm very, very glad that the mystery aspect of the fic is working out so well for you; I tend not to read pulp mysteries unless I'm on a plane trip or something, so I'm really not that accustomed to them, and I'm always worried that I'm being too obvious, so your comments are very reassuring

[dakfinv]

Brilliant once again! I wish I had time to go read this all from the beginning to sort out the clues. I am certainly doing a major read thru once it's all finished.

Your Sam/Gene moments managed to melt my heart again and I absolutely adored Chris in the morning, stumbling into the bathroom. And him asking about the duck. What a sweetheart.

And then the suspense you created when Ray and Glen were in the hospital? I don't think I need to mention the edge of my seat took quite a beating.

Add to that Sam's palpable sense of frustration over not being able to do more and his suspicions over Annie, this all equals another perfect section once again!

[sytaxia]

Glad that you're enjoying the fic; I'm certainly enjoying yours, and you've really been inspiring me to try and get the parts finished and posted more quickly, what with your lightning-fast updates :)

I'm very glad that Sam/Gene is working so well for you in this, and that Chris in the morning was enjoyable - he's always good for comic relief, no matter what, bless him :)

I'm glad that Sam's sense of frustration came through well for you in this, and that it didn't feel to forced or whiney... I keep getting afraid that the tenderness in the Sam/Gene moments is going to start feeling un-Gene-like, and that Sam is going to start seeming too whiney, so I'm immensely grateful for your reassurances there.

I'm actually planning on revising and tightening the entire thing once it's finished, and then offering the completed "director's cut" up for a download; I hope that that should be up soon...

Thanks very much for commenting, and I'm glad that you're enjoying the fic.

[hambelandjemima]

Denslow ... hmmm... I'm not sure about him, and I know that you're doing it on purpose! In the first part, driving slowly I felt sure was a ploy to either memorise his surroundings better or to allow someone to follow them. Especially as you put in a hint about Morgan tailing people for a living. But then he seems to be taking such vey great care of Sam....

Love Chris in the morning and the Ray/Glen interaction, but I'm not sure about Annie keeping quiet. Why isn't she saying anything about her meeting with Williams?

More to ponder. Gripping stuff.

[sytaxia]

Mwahahaha; I am evil, I know. I'm sorry *sheepish

[culf]

They left Sam alone with an unarmed Chris!?! I love Chris, I do, but if a stone cold killer was after me, he wouldn't be the one I'd choose to protect me, particularly not unarmed!

[sytaxia]

Wow - you must be psychic, that's all I have to say. I'd just finished the final cut of the next bit before I came to read and comment in the comm today, and Sam actually questions whether or not Chris is armed - Gene did leave a gun with him, I promise, although it is still a little frightening to find the two of them alone...

Thanks very much for commenting, and I'm glad that you're enjoying the fic!

[liquorishflame]

Finally a chance to comment! Sorry it took so long, I've been on and off the internets, as my internet is down and I've had to borrow from others, when I can.

ANYway :) another great chapter! Very much liked the abrasive interaction between Ray and Glen, they should get their own TV show ;) I mean, the insults they were trading back and for were so prickly! My god, and then that 'lions and tigers and bears, oh my' thing, very cool ;)

And the tension building for Annie, how long can she keep mum? I think this is the best chapter yet (so far)! :D

[sytaxia]

Sorry for the delay in response - I'm trying to catch up and respond to all comments on all fics before posting more fic, so this is very late. Sorry I missed you the first time around, and thanks so much for commenting! Trust me, Annie will not be able to keep mum for long...