Fic: A Moment in time. Version 1
Title: A Moment in Time
Author: Kirsteena
Fandom: Life on Mars
Spoilers: 1.07
Rating: Green Cortina.
Pairings: None
Word Count: 2975
Summary: Gene is upset. It is up to Sam to get to the bottom of it
a/n HUGE A/N ALERT!! So, I took marsorbiter bunnie of this: Increasingly under stress at work, Gene Hunt won't admit to anyone in CID that 'the missus' has left him. It's left to Sam to gently probe the wound ... and to discover that their mutual unhappiness has its roots in an unsolved case close to home, which still haunts the Guv ...
Then it mutated. What happens if a certain decision is made. So basically, I ended up with two fics. First one here, I will post the second shortly. Many thanks to tatslovetea for betaing this one.
DISCLAIMER: Life on Mars is copyright Kudos and the BBC. All Rights Reserved. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made.
Something was wrong. Sam had been feeling it in the air for a while. There was an indefinable tension - like a string being wound up too tight. One day, it was going to shatter.
Sitting at his desk, Sam tried to work out what it was. Like a cat watching all his territory, he surveyed the room. The source was definitely here, at work. He swept his gaze slowly across the office. Annie, who had brought some files into CID, was laughing and joking with Vince. All was normal there. His gaze passed over some of the other detectives; they were as normal as ever. Ray was next, he seemed slightly distracted, but he wasn’t the source of the tension. Chris was staring into space. Nothing new there. What was it?
Gene walked into CID. Immediately Sam’s senses screamed out at him. Here was the source of the tension. He looked more closely at Gene. Same god-awful white shoes, suit, shirt... which looked like it was un-ironed. Thinking back, Sam tried to remember the last time he had seen Gene in an un-ironed shirt. The last two days, but before that - never. He carried on with his study, noting the marks where Gene had obviously cut himself shaving. Again, something new. Sam’s brain by was now yelling “Something is very wrong!”
“My Spider sense is tingling,” he muttered to himself.
“What was that, Tyler?” Hunt barked. “Something you want to share with the rest of us? More of your ‘Hyde’ methods?”
“Er, no Guv,” Sam replied. Shit, had Gene been saying something to him and he hadn’t responded?
“Well, keep your bloody thoughts to yourself, and get on with some proper police work.” Gene’s voice had been gradually getting louder throughout the speech, till he was practically shouting by the end of it. Sam looked round the office, and was shocked to see people cowering away from Gene.
“Gene?” A new voice entered into the conversation.
“What?” Gene yelled out, then spun round to face Superintendant Rathbone.
“Can I have a word? My office, now.” Gene rolled his eyes, and walked out behind Rathbone. There was stillness for a moment, then a collective sigh of relief. Apart from one man. Ray Carling just looked unhappy.
The following morning, Sam headed into CID just after daybreak. He had no idea why; he just woke up early. He whistled to himself as he wandered into the office, and headed over to make a cup of tea. Suitably happy, he sauntered over to his desk.
Suddenly, the door to Hunt’s office slammed open. “Would you keep the bloody noise down?” Gene demanded. He stood there in the clothes he had worn yesterday; hair unruly, eyes blazing.
Sam stared for a moment. “Sorry, Guv. Didn’t realise you were here so early.” Gene grunted, then lurched back into his office. Sam watched the door, thinking.
Gene’s mood got slowly but surely worse over the next couple of days. Chris seemed more and more scared, also most of the uniformed officers were avoiding CID. Ray, on the other hand, just looked sad, almost wistful. Sam was sure that Ray knew more of what was going on than he would admit to. But they didn’t have time to deal with that now. There was a crime spree going on - robberies nearly every day, more than their fair share of dead bodies, and pressure from above to get things under control. But Sam wasn’t sure how under control things could get if Gene wasn’t himself.
After work, Sam thought about heading for the pub to relax but changed his mind. Time to sort some of this mess out. He waited round a corner close to The Railway Arms. When Ray rounded it, he stepped out and stopped him.
“Boss?” Ray looked confused, but Sam could see it was an act.
“Quit the crap Ray, I don’t have time. Talk. What the hell is going on with the Guv?” Ray looked shiftily from left to right, then shook his head.
“Can’t. I promised. Please don’t ask.” Sam blinked. Ray Carling saying please? It was the first time he had ever used that word in front of Sam.
“Shit. That bad?” Ray just looked at Sam, sagged, and then nodded. “Ok - let’s work round this. If I ask questions, can you give me clues?”
Ray thought about it carefully - Sam could see the cogs turning. He then nodded. “If it helps him - then yeah. But I’m only doing it because of him.”
“Understood. OK. He is sleeping in his office. Been doing it a while?” Ray just looked at Sam. “Two weeks?” This was met with a shake of the head. “A week?” This was met with a nod. “’Kay. Wife throw him out?” Shake. “She come home from her mother’s?” Another shake. “Shit. But... that wouldn’t do it on its own, would it? There has to be something else...” Ray started to say something, but then shut his mouth. “C’mon Ray, if I am going to help him, I need to know everything!”
Ray looked directly at Sam. “I can’t. I promised. I can’t break a promise...” He sounded desperately unhappy.
“Forget it - I’ll find someone else who does know!” With that, Sam walked off, leaving Ray in the street.
“Wait - Boss!” Sam turned back to look at Ray. “Look... just... follow him. Follow him tonight.”
“What?”
“You wanna know. I can’t tell you. Can’t go back on my word. But - follow him. After work. Tonight. You’ll find out.” Sam nodded, then headed back to CID.
Sam stopped the car someway behind Gene’s. They had been driving for twenty minutes, heading someway out of town. Sam suddenly realised where they were going - the same cemetery where his grandmother was buried. Sam didn’t want to spook Gene, especially after Ray’s insistence that he had to follow him tonight. Sam slid out of the car, and looked for him. There he was, carrying something in his hand.
Gene entered the cemetery. Sam waited a moment before following. Wandering through the lines of graves, Sam couldn’t help but look at some of the names as he passed the beautifully carved headstones. Sam kept his eye on Gene, making sure he didn’t turn round and see him, but he could tell Gene was lost in his own little world. Sam watched as Gene came to a stop next to a gravestone, knelt down, then put his hand on the grave. Sam was horrified to see Gene’s shoulders start to shake. He gathered himself together and picked his way carefully towards Gene.
As he approached Gene, Sam quietly asked “Guv?” When there was no answer he tried again. “Gene?” and gently put his hand on Gene’s shoulder. Gene jumped, then looked at Sam.
“How...?” but he trailed off, dipping his head like a naughty schoolboy. Sam took in the red-rimmed eyes, the tear tracks down his face. He then looked at the grave they were standing beside. There was a fresh yellow rose lying on the grave, obviously what Gene had been carrying.
Andrew Charles Hunt
Born 5th October 1958
Died 26th May 1963
Much beloved son of Elizabeth and Gene
Taken cruelly from us, our thoughts are always with you
“Oh, God” was Sam’s breathless reaction, which was enough to set Gene sobbing. Sam’s instinctive reaction was to envelop him in a bear-hug, letting him cry himself out.
Later, back in Sam’s flat, he poured Gene a large whisky, and took it over to the sofa where Gene was sitting. Sam perched himself on the bed, and looked at Gene silently.
“How did you know where to find me?” Gene asked after a while.
“I followed you. I knew something was up and curiosity got the better of me, so I decided to see where you went.”
“Yeah, but I only go there one day a year, how did you know?”
Sam was determined not to get Ray involved. “Pure luck.”
Gene grunted, then fell silent for a while. Sam knew that he wouldn’t say anything if pushed, so just waited.
“I guess I should have told you before now.”
“Didn’t have to if you didn’t want to.”
“I must have been hell to be with if you went to all this...”
“Mildly. I don’t think Chris will ever be the same again, though.”
“I... I didn’t...”
“Look, Gene. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
Gene nodded, then sighed. He reached into his jacket, pulled out a crumpled picture, and handed it to Sam. “Andy - was a beautiful boy. And I’m not just saying that with a father’s pride. Blond hair, blue eyes... was just about to start school. Lizzie took him shopping with her, he was getting new shoes, he had wrecked his old ones playing football with me. He was so excited about the thought of going shopping,” with that Gene downed his drink, blinked a few times, and carried on.
“We were out on a shout - we had got a call about a robbery at the bookmakers on Hale Road. I was down there with Ray, getting details. Lizzie rang the office, could barely speak. Talked to Harry. Andy had been knocked down by a car; a stranger had called an ambulance. They tried to do what they could but... Harry rushed down to Hale Road, picked me up, rushed me to the hospital, but it was too late. They said he had died instantly; never felt a thing. Then, we found the connection. All added up - the driver who had hit Andy had been the getaway driver for the gang. Funny thing was, people all mentioned a little kiddie had been run over as they escaped, kid was taken to hospital in an ambulance.” Gene paused, his eyes filling up with tears. Sam stood up, got the whisky bottle, and refilled Gene’s glass. Gene once again downed his drink, then continued in a monotone.
“Harry tore Manchester apart trying to find them. I wanted to, but... Lizzie was distraught. She couldn’t do anything without crying. At least, until the funeral. I had to be there, to deal with everything. You don’t know what it is like, having to make arrangements for your four year old son to be buried...” A couple of tears leaked out, but Gene rubbed them away quickly.
“Harry eventually got names of the gang who did the robbery. But they had fled the country and no one knew where they went. Bastards got away with £600, but they ripped the heart out of Lizzie. She couldn’t bring herself to touch anything in Andy’s room - his toys are still there today, untouched. Since then, things haven’t been the same. I do me best for her, but we don’t talk anymore. We hardly see each other; I’m at work so much. She went to her mother’s a week ago, took all her clothes with her, and said she wasn’t coming back. I... I... dunno what to do anymore, Sam. I’ve been able to cope most anniversaries, but this one, on my own...”
“This why you have been kipping at the office?”
“Yeah - I couldn’t face going home and her not being there, not at the moment. I... kept going into Andy’s room, just sitting there. And it just felt wrong.”
“When did you last eat properly?” The look of confusion on Gene’s face told Sam all he needed to know, and he busied himself in the kitchen while Gene went off to use the bath.
Twenty minutes later, Gene looked more like himself, and was sniffing at the food that Sam was making. “What the hell is that?” he asked.
“Stir fry, it’s about all I had in.” Sam replied. Gene frowned.
“Stir fry? What, with spices ‘n all?”
“What, you’ll have ‘em on a curry, but not stir fry?”
“Beans on toast would’ve been fine,” Gene muttered.
“Proper meal, remember?”
Sam was starting to realise that Gene had let down the barriers he normally kept up, and would probably only have them down tonight as he was too exhausted to do anything else. Sam studied Gene as he put the food down; the man looked drained, like he hadn’t slept for a week, and add that to today’s outburst... Gene looked suspiciously at the food in front of him, poked it with his fork, then started to eat it. The rate it was disappearing from his plate suggested it was acceptable. They ate together in silence.
Afterwards, Gene leaned back and looked at Sam. “Thank you.”
“No problems, I enjoy cooking.”
“No, I didn’t mean that, I meant, you know, back at the cemetery...”
Sam smiled. “It’s ok. I’m not going to go all squeamish over a bloke crying over something like that. I’m sure I’ve done worse.”
“Not proud of it...”
“He was your only child, I think it was justified.” Gene bowed his head.
“I occasionally look for them, you know?” he volunteered after a while.
“Oh?”
“Try and find them. They fled to Spain after it. Last I heard, two are dead, but the other two are still alive, that was a couple of years ago. Ray keeps tabs on it for me.”
“What would you do if you did find them?”
Gene sat for a while, thinking about his answer. “Now? I dunno. Before I would have torn them from limb to limb and chucked them in the canal without thinking about it. But now - it just doesn’t seem right.” He paused and closed his eyes for a while, so long that Sam thought he had fallen asleep, but suddenly he opened them again. “I want them to say sorry.”
“Sorry, as in Derek Bannister sorry?”
“No. The kind of sorry Ray said after Billy Kemble. I guess... I want to feel that they remembered it, that it never left them. We looked at their record, they had a history of robbery, but they never harmed anyone. Any people caught up in it were freed without being hurt. Andy... was an accident, a total accident...”
“Is that the first time you have accepted it as that?”
Gene flashed a surprised look at Sam. “Probably. Maybe it is my age or something.”
“Or time passing.”
“Or that. But no, I don’t want to hurt them anymore. Lizzie, on the other hand...”
“Have you pair ever talked about it - I mean, really talked about it?” Sam saw a flash of anger in Gene’s eyes, which then faded to a dull pain.
“Not really. We always skirted round it, rarely mentioned him by name. About a year after, we tried for another kid, thought it would help, but it never happened. Then... we started drifting apart. I blamed myself and I think Lizzie did the same.” Sam didn’t say anything, just held Gene’s gaze. “Okay, so we should have talked, but we don’t all have the luxury of living in your world, Sam. Things are never that easy.”
“Hey, I didn’t say anything. You filled it in. So what now? Why don’t you talk to her, tell her how you feel?”
Gene looked at Sam sadly. “Not sure if it will help now - been so long...”
“Your choice, but I think you might regret if it you don’t.” Gene sat silently thinking. Suddenly, Sam yawned.
“I should go. I don’t want to be a bother...”
“What, back to the office?”
“It’s a place to kip.” Gene shrugged.
Sam began stripping off some of the covers from the bed. “Nah, take the bed, I’ll sleep on the floor.” Gene cocked an eyebrow at Sam. “More comfortable than the sofa in your office!”
“Thanks Sam. For everything. I...”
“’S’ok. You don’t have to say anything.” Gene nodded.
The following morning, Sam woke to find Gene gone, but with a note left on the table.
Thanks for everything Sam. I’ll see you at work.
Gene
Gene wasn’t in the office when he got there, and didn’t turn up that morning. Sam kept himself busy during the day, ringing round a few people round Manchester, seeing if anyone had heard of the robbers. But every time the answer came back the same - three were now dead and the one remaining was nowhere to be found, assumed to be still living in Spain. Sam put down the phone in frustration, and looked up to see Gene walk into the office. Shaven, wearing a suit with an ironed shirt, and not his usual white shoes but smart brown ones... The change was noticeable. Everyone in the office seemed to instantly relax. The tension of the past few days was gone. Gene looked over at Sam, nodded his head, and then went into his office. Sam waited a moment, and then followed. Gene looked up at him as he entered, but didn’t say anything.
“I, erm, had a bit of a ring round, trying to find out anything about...” Sam couldn’t bring himself to say any names.
“Oh. And...?” nor, it seemed, could Gene.
“Nada Gene, I’m sorry.” Gene sighed once, then nodded at Sam.
“Didn’t think so, but thanks for trying.”
“What’s with the suit?” Sam had to ask.
“Been to talk to Lizzie at her mother’s. Thought I would at least make an effort.”
“You actually talked to her? I mean, about...”
“About Andy. You can say it Sam, I’m not gonna bite your head off. Not now.”
“You talked about Andy?”
“Yeah. She was blaming herself, but... She... she is coming back to Manchester tomorrow, we’re gonna talk it out properly.” Sam grinned at this. “What is that look for, you smug bastard?”
“Nothing.”
“Well how about going to do some work then?” Sam looked at Gene once more, then left to go back to his work. Things were going to be just fine.
Author: Kirsteena
Fandom: Life on Mars
Spoilers: 1.07
Rating: Green Cortina.
Pairings: None
Word Count: 2975
Summary: Gene is upset. It is up to Sam to get to the bottom of it
a/n HUGE A/N ALERT!! So, I took marsorbiter bunnie of this: Increasingly under stress at work, Gene Hunt won't admit to anyone in CID that 'the missus' has left him. It's left to Sam to gently probe the wound ... and to discover that their mutual unhappiness has its roots in an unsolved case close to home, which still haunts the Guv ...
Then it mutated. What happens if a certain decision is made. So basically, I ended up with two fics. First one here, I will post the second shortly. Many thanks to tatslovetea for betaing this one.
DISCLAIMER: Life on Mars is copyright Kudos and the BBC. All Rights Reserved. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made.
Something was wrong. Sam had been feeling it in the air for a while. There was an indefinable tension - like a string being wound up too tight. One day, it was going to shatter.
Sitting at his desk, Sam tried to work out what it was. Like a cat watching all his territory, he surveyed the room. The source was definitely here, at work. He swept his gaze slowly across the office. Annie, who had brought some files into CID, was laughing and joking with Vince. All was normal there. His gaze passed over some of the other detectives; they were as normal as ever. Ray was next, he seemed slightly distracted, but he wasn’t the source of the tension. Chris was staring into space. Nothing new there. What was it?
Gene walked into CID. Immediately Sam’s senses screamed out at him. Here was the source of the tension. He looked more closely at Gene. Same god-awful white shoes, suit, shirt... which looked like it was un-ironed. Thinking back, Sam tried to remember the last time he had seen Gene in an un-ironed shirt. The last two days, but before that - never. He carried on with his study, noting the marks where Gene had obviously cut himself shaving. Again, something new. Sam’s brain by was now yelling “Something is very wrong!”
“My Spider sense is tingling,” he muttered to himself.
“What was that, Tyler?” Hunt barked. “Something you want to share with the rest of us? More of your ‘Hyde’ methods?”
“Er, no Guv,” Sam replied. Shit, had Gene been saying something to him and he hadn’t responded?
“Well, keep your bloody thoughts to yourself, and get on with some proper police work.” Gene’s voice had been gradually getting louder throughout the speech, till he was practically shouting by the end of it. Sam looked round the office, and was shocked to see people cowering away from Gene.
“Gene?” A new voice entered into the conversation.
“What?” Gene yelled out, then spun round to face Superintendant Rathbone.
“Can I have a word? My office, now.” Gene rolled his eyes, and walked out behind Rathbone. There was stillness for a moment, then a collective sigh of relief. Apart from one man. Ray Carling just looked unhappy.
The following morning, Sam headed into CID just after daybreak. He had no idea why; he just woke up early. He whistled to himself as he wandered into the office, and headed over to make a cup of tea. Suitably happy, he sauntered over to his desk.
Suddenly, the door to Hunt’s office slammed open. “Would you keep the bloody noise down?” Gene demanded. He stood there in the clothes he had worn yesterday; hair unruly, eyes blazing.
Sam stared for a moment. “Sorry, Guv. Didn’t realise you were here so early.” Gene grunted, then lurched back into his office. Sam watched the door, thinking.
Gene’s mood got slowly but surely worse over the next couple of days. Chris seemed more and more scared, also most of the uniformed officers were avoiding CID. Ray, on the other hand, just looked sad, almost wistful. Sam was sure that Ray knew more of what was going on than he would admit to. But they didn’t have time to deal with that now. There was a crime spree going on - robberies nearly every day, more than their fair share of dead bodies, and pressure from above to get things under control. But Sam wasn’t sure how under control things could get if Gene wasn’t himself.
After work, Sam thought about heading for the pub to relax but changed his mind. Time to sort some of this mess out. He waited round a corner close to The Railway Arms. When Ray rounded it, he stepped out and stopped him.
“Boss?” Ray looked confused, but Sam could see it was an act.
“Quit the crap Ray, I don’t have time. Talk. What the hell is going on with the Guv?” Ray looked shiftily from left to right, then shook his head.
“Can’t. I promised. Please don’t ask.” Sam blinked. Ray Carling saying please? It was the first time he had ever used that word in front of Sam.
“Shit. That bad?” Ray just looked at Sam, sagged, and then nodded. “Ok - let’s work round this. If I ask questions, can you give me clues?”
Ray thought about it carefully - Sam could see the cogs turning. He then nodded. “If it helps him - then yeah. But I’m only doing it because of him.”
“Understood. OK. He is sleeping in his office. Been doing it a while?” Ray just looked at Sam. “Two weeks?” This was met with a shake of the head. “A week?” This was met with a nod. “’Kay. Wife throw him out?” Shake. “She come home from her mother’s?” Another shake. “Shit. But... that wouldn’t do it on its own, would it? There has to be something else...” Ray started to say something, but then shut his mouth. “C’mon Ray, if I am going to help him, I need to know everything!”
Ray looked directly at Sam. “I can’t. I promised. I can’t break a promise...” He sounded desperately unhappy.
“Forget it - I’ll find someone else who does know!” With that, Sam walked off, leaving Ray in the street.
“Wait - Boss!” Sam turned back to look at Ray. “Look... just... follow him. Follow him tonight.”
“What?”
“You wanna know. I can’t tell you. Can’t go back on my word. But - follow him. After work. Tonight. You’ll find out.” Sam nodded, then headed back to CID.
Sam stopped the car someway behind Gene’s. They had been driving for twenty minutes, heading someway out of town. Sam suddenly realised where they were going - the same cemetery where his grandmother was buried. Sam didn’t want to spook Gene, especially after Ray’s insistence that he had to follow him tonight. Sam slid out of the car, and looked for him. There he was, carrying something in his hand.
Gene entered the cemetery. Sam waited a moment before following. Wandering through the lines of graves, Sam couldn’t help but look at some of the names as he passed the beautifully carved headstones. Sam kept his eye on Gene, making sure he didn’t turn round and see him, but he could tell Gene was lost in his own little world. Sam watched as Gene came to a stop next to a gravestone, knelt down, then put his hand on the grave. Sam was horrified to see Gene’s shoulders start to shake. He gathered himself together and picked his way carefully towards Gene.
As he approached Gene, Sam quietly asked “Guv?” When there was no answer he tried again. “Gene?” and gently put his hand on Gene’s shoulder. Gene jumped, then looked at Sam.
“How...?” but he trailed off, dipping his head like a naughty schoolboy. Sam took in the red-rimmed eyes, the tear tracks down his face. He then looked at the grave they were standing beside. There was a fresh yellow rose lying on the grave, obviously what Gene had been carrying.
Andrew Charles Hunt
Born 5th October 1958
Died 26th May 1963
Much beloved son of Elizabeth and Gene
Taken cruelly from us, our thoughts are always with you
“Oh, God” was Sam’s breathless reaction, which was enough to set Gene sobbing. Sam’s instinctive reaction was to envelop him in a bear-hug, letting him cry himself out.
Later, back in Sam’s flat, he poured Gene a large whisky, and took it over to the sofa where Gene was sitting. Sam perched himself on the bed, and looked at Gene silently.
“How did you know where to find me?” Gene asked after a while.
“I followed you. I knew something was up and curiosity got the better of me, so I decided to see where you went.”
“Yeah, but I only go there one day a year, how did you know?”
Sam was determined not to get Ray involved. “Pure luck.”
Gene grunted, then fell silent for a while. Sam knew that he wouldn’t say anything if pushed, so just waited.
“I guess I should have told you before now.”
“Didn’t have to if you didn’t want to.”
“I must have been hell to be with if you went to all this...”
“Mildly. I don’t think Chris will ever be the same again, though.”
“I... I didn’t...”
“Look, Gene. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
Gene nodded, then sighed. He reached into his jacket, pulled out a crumpled picture, and handed it to Sam. “Andy - was a beautiful boy. And I’m not just saying that with a father’s pride. Blond hair, blue eyes... was just about to start school. Lizzie took him shopping with her, he was getting new shoes, he had wrecked his old ones playing football with me. He was so excited about the thought of going shopping,” with that Gene downed his drink, blinked a few times, and carried on.
“We were out on a shout - we had got a call about a robbery at the bookmakers on Hale Road. I was down there with Ray, getting details. Lizzie rang the office, could barely speak. Talked to Harry. Andy had been knocked down by a car; a stranger had called an ambulance. They tried to do what they could but... Harry rushed down to Hale Road, picked me up, rushed me to the hospital, but it was too late. They said he had died instantly; never felt a thing. Then, we found the connection. All added up - the driver who had hit Andy had been the getaway driver for the gang. Funny thing was, people all mentioned a little kiddie had been run over as they escaped, kid was taken to hospital in an ambulance.” Gene paused, his eyes filling up with tears. Sam stood up, got the whisky bottle, and refilled Gene’s glass. Gene once again downed his drink, then continued in a monotone.
“Harry tore Manchester apart trying to find them. I wanted to, but... Lizzie was distraught. She couldn’t do anything without crying. At least, until the funeral. I had to be there, to deal with everything. You don’t know what it is like, having to make arrangements for your four year old son to be buried...” A couple of tears leaked out, but Gene rubbed them away quickly.
“Harry eventually got names of the gang who did the robbery. But they had fled the country and no one knew where they went. Bastards got away with £600, but they ripped the heart out of Lizzie. She couldn’t bring herself to touch anything in Andy’s room - his toys are still there today, untouched. Since then, things haven’t been the same. I do me best for her, but we don’t talk anymore. We hardly see each other; I’m at work so much. She went to her mother’s a week ago, took all her clothes with her, and said she wasn’t coming back. I... I... dunno what to do anymore, Sam. I’ve been able to cope most anniversaries, but this one, on my own...”
“This why you have been kipping at the office?”
“Yeah - I couldn’t face going home and her not being there, not at the moment. I... kept going into Andy’s room, just sitting there. And it just felt wrong.”
“When did you last eat properly?” The look of confusion on Gene’s face told Sam all he needed to know, and he busied himself in the kitchen while Gene went off to use the bath.
Twenty minutes later, Gene looked more like himself, and was sniffing at the food that Sam was making. “What the hell is that?” he asked.
“Stir fry, it’s about all I had in.” Sam replied. Gene frowned.
“Stir fry? What, with spices ‘n all?”
“What, you’ll have ‘em on a curry, but not stir fry?”
“Beans on toast would’ve been fine,” Gene muttered.
“Proper meal, remember?”
Sam was starting to realise that Gene had let down the barriers he normally kept up, and would probably only have them down tonight as he was too exhausted to do anything else. Sam studied Gene as he put the food down; the man looked drained, like he hadn’t slept for a week, and add that to today’s outburst... Gene looked suspiciously at the food in front of him, poked it with his fork, then started to eat it. The rate it was disappearing from his plate suggested it was acceptable. They ate together in silence.
Afterwards, Gene leaned back and looked at Sam. “Thank you.”
“No problems, I enjoy cooking.”
“No, I didn’t mean that, I meant, you know, back at the cemetery...”
Sam smiled. “It’s ok. I’m not going to go all squeamish over a bloke crying over something like that. I’m sure I’ve done worse.”
“Not proud of it...”
“He was your only child, I think it was justified.” Gene bowed his head.
“I occasionally look for them, you know?” he volunteered after a while.
“Oh?”
“Try and find them. They fled to Spain after it. Last I heard, two are dead, but the other two are still alive, that was a couple of years ago. Ray keeps tabs on it for me.”
“What would you do if you did find them?”
Gene sat for a while, thinking about his answer. “Now? I dunno. Before I would have torn them from limb to limb and chucked them in the canal without thinking about it. But now - it just doesn’t seem right.” He paused and closed his eyes for a while, so long that Sam thought he had fallen asleep, but suddenly he opened them again. “I want them to say sorry.”
“Sorry, as in Derek Bannister sorry?”
“No. The kind of sorry Ray said after Billy Kemble. I guess... I want to feel that they remembered it, that it never left them. We looked at their record, they had a history of robbery, but they never harmed anyone. Any people caught up in it were freed without being hurt. Andy... was an accident, a total accident...”
“Is that the first time you have accepted it as that?”
Gene flashed a surprised look at Sam. “Probably. Maybe it is my age or something.”
“Or time passing.”
“Or that. But no, I don’t want to hurt them anymore. Lizzie, on the other hand...”
“Have you pair ever talked about it - I mean, really talked about it?” Sam saw a flash of anger in Gene’s eyes, which then faded to a dull pain.
“Not really. We always skirted round it, rarely mentioned him by name. About a year after, we tried for another kid, thought it would help, but it never happened. Then... we started drifting apart. I blamed myself and I think Lizzie did the same.” Sam didn’t say anything, just held Gene’s gaze. “Okay, so we should have talked, but we don’t all have the luxury of living in your world, Sam. Things are never that easy.”
“Hey, I didn’t say anything. You filled it in. So what now? Why don’t you talk to her, tell her how you feel?”
Gene looked at Sam sadly. “Not sure if it will help now - been so long...”
“Your choice, but I think you might regret if it you don’t.” Gene sat silently thinking. Suddenly, Sam yawned.
“I should go. I don’t want to be a bother...”
“What, back to the office?”
“It’s a place to kip.” Gene shrugged.
Sam began stripping off some of the covers from the bed. “Nah, take the bed, I’ll sleep on the floor.” Gene cocked an eyebrow at Sam. “More comfortable than the sofa in your office!”
“Thanks Sam. For everything. I...”
“’S’ok. You don’t have to say anything.” Gene nodded.
The following morning, Sam woke to find Gene gone, but with a note left on the table.
Thanks for everything Sam. I’ll see you at work.
Gene
Gene wasn’t in the office when he got there, and didn’t turn up that morning. Sam kept himself busy during the day, ringing round a few people round Manchester, seeing if anyone had heard of the robbers. But every time the answer came back the same - three were now dead and the one remaining was nowhere to be found, assumed to be still living in Spain. Sam put down the phone in frustration, and looked up to see Gene walk into the office. Shaven, wearing a suit with an ironed shirt, and not his usual white shoes but smart brown ones... The change was noticeable. Everyone in the office seemed to instantly relax. The tension of the past few days was gone. Gene looked over at Sam, nodded his head, and then went into his office. Sam waited a moment, and then followed. Gene looked up at him as he entered, but didn’t say anything.
“I, erm, had a bit of a ring round, trying to find out anything about...” Sam couldn’t bring himself to say any names.
“Oh. And...?” nor, it seemed, could Gene.
“Nada Gene, I’m sorry.” Gene sighed once, then nodded at Sam.
“Didn’t think so, but thanks for trying.”
“What’s with the suit?” Sam had to ask.
“Been to talk to Lizzie at her mother’s. Thought I would at least make an effort.”
“You actually talked to her? I mean, about...”
“About Andy. You can say it Sam, I’m not gonna bite your head off. Not now.”
“You talked about Andy?”
“Yeah. She was blaming herself, but... She... she is coming back to Manchester tomorrow, we’re gonna talk it out properly.” Sam grinned at this. “What is that look for, you smug bastard?”
“Nothing.”
“Well how about going to do some work then?” Sam looked at Gene once more, then left to go back to his work. Things were going to be just fine.