Somebody's Watching, Somebody's Waiting - Part 17
Title: Somebody’s Watching, Somebody’s Waiting
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Jennifer Jareau/Maggie Lowe
Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is property of CBS and I don’t own anything.
Rating: PG
Summary/Spoilers: This is a retelling of the episode ‘Somebody’s Watching’. The BAU team is on the hunt for a killer stalking an actress. Meanwhile Jennifer Jareau begins dating the actress’s best friend, unaware she’s the stalker they’re searching for. Yeah that’s right I just revealed the ending of the episode, but it’s not possible to write this story without revealing it anyway. Numerous story revelations are revealed.
A/N: This episode not only had two women I really like (A.J. Cook and Katheryn Winnick) together, but the first portrayal of gay characters on Criminal Minds, with Katheryn being one of them. It had so many things going for it, but instead it was disappointing. A.J. and Katheryn’s screen time was minimal, they never appeared onscreen together, and the gay portrayals were terrible. Ironically Maggie Lowe is probably still the best portrayed gay character on the series. So I decided to write this episode the way it should’ve gone. Oh and that “lesbian” crushing on Gideon earlier in the episode because he reminded her of her dad? That scene alone warrants her getting erased from the story.
A/N 2: Special thanks to my beta talos13
Part 17
Now on Lila’s property, just right outside the door. The women take a deep breath before unlocking the door and stepping inside.
“Maggie?” Lila asks as she walks into the house.
“I’m in here Lila,” Maggie responds from the living room. Jennifer and Lila follow the voice.
They see Maggie lying on the couch. She gives them a smile, “Did you find what you were searching for regarding the case?”
“We did,” Jennifer answers. It is hard for either women to look at Maggie. “We kind of discovered something though Maggie, and need to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind?”
“Am I the stalker?” Maggie responds abruptly. Jennifer was keeping her fingers crossed that there was going to be some kind of reasonable explanation, but now it doesn’t seem like that’s going to be the case. “That’s what you are planning to ask me, isn’t it?” Maggie can tell by the expressions on their faces that’s what they were thinking.
“Are you?” Jennifer asks.
Maggie’s facial expression changes to a disappointed look, “I had a feeling you two would figure it out eventually. I was kind of hoping it wouldn’t have been this soon.”
Lila looks at her in disbelief, “Mags... you actually did kill those people.”
“I would take it all back if I could,” Maggie’s voice is full of regret. “But I can’t. I’m not even sure what happened. I thought I could handle living in this industry you chose Lila, but at times it just became too much.”
“You should have told me Mags,” Lila responds. “We could have talked about it and worked something out.”
“You won’t believe how much I wanted to tell you how I felt. For years I dreamt of the day I could tell you how I felt, then I dreamt that you felt the same way I did and it would have been like the time we both first felt love again.”
Maggie pauses before continuing on, “However it’s that same dream that I’m afraid of. Us being together, it wouldn’t be long before that leaks out, and we both know what happens when those old bags in their studio offices find out. However then there was one thing I noticed that kept me going, one piece of hope that made me believe it wouldn’t be like this forever. No matter how much the people who run the studios want to control everything that goes on around here, they can never control the audience. It’s the fans, if there’s enough of them behind an actor; there’s going to be someone in the industry, whether that person is minor enough that the suits don’t notice them because they work in television or they’re from a foreign company that they have no power over; that someone’s going to look past the indifference to give that actor a chance. Or some of the fans become those people. I was so happy when you landed the job on the series. I told myself I didn’t have to wait much longer now, just had to hold out until those fans began to take notice. Then once your fanbase was large enough, your career would then be able to stand on its own. The first couple of years would be the hardest, but eventually it would work. But as much as I kept telling myself that that day will be soon, at times it just seemed like that day would never come. So one day I sent you a letter, pretending to be one of the fans. I figured if I could express any kind of love towards you that it would make it all easier. I was so happy when you replied back. Then something happened, the obsession grew. I didn’t know what it was, but something inside me was escalating what I felt for you until it reached the point we got. I don’t even know what was going on in my head or why I felt like I needed to kill those people. I guess my subconscious couldn’t wait any longer. Maybe if I knew more about you Lila, know for sure that is, rather than suspicions about things like if you’re one of us or not, I might have made it instead of having reality hit me at times and I feel like I’m on my own.”
“Mags, I’m gay too,” Lila tells her friend the words she been waiting to hear. “We’re in the same boat together. I should have noticed you weren’t well. How could I even have forgotten about that college weekend? I would have let the studio heads kill my career if it would have prevented this.”
“Looks like we’re both living with regrets, Lila.”
“I’m not even sure what’s going to happen now” Lila tells her.
“I was thinking what to do if you guys did suspect me of being the killer, and I found the answer,” Maggie pulls out a revolver that was tucked in the back of her jeans. “I went back to my place when you two weren’t here.”
The other two women are startled at the sight of the gun. “Easy there Maggie, you don’t have to hurt anyone,” reasons Jennifer.
“I would never dream of hurting you two. There’s only one more person I’m planning on using this gun on.” Maggie leans the barrel of the gun against the side of her head.
“Maggie don’t do what you’re planning on doing,” Jennifer tells her. “We can work this out. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“I killed three people and shot an officer, Jennifer, how do you think this is going to go down?” Maggie looks at her. “Many people are going to want to see me get the death penalty, if life in prison isn’t good enough for them and it’s not like there’s going to be many people arguing against them. Look around us! It’s not just this town, it’s the whole country. The American dream; the land of freedom, of opportunities, come here and everyone will be equal. They just forgot to add it only applies if you fit their image of the all American. If you’re a woman; you mean less, if you’re a racial minority, they have no problems blaming you for bad things, and if you’re gay, they’ll let bad things happen to you. They can’t even stand to give homosexuals a fictional happy ending in their movies and TV series. What’s more, if any of those bigots ever start to feel bad about what they’re doing, they just have to look at their biggest role model for inspiration: our nation’s leader. The sad part is that I became exactly what they wanted. If only you came months earlier Jennifer, all of this could have been prevented. However life can’t seem to stop playing its twisted games.”
The hard exterior of Maggie is gone and they finally see the shattered woman within. Discovering everything she has about her girlfriend, the final pieces of the puzzle come into place and Jennifer sees a life flash before her eyes. Not her own, but Maggie’s.
A woman who once was a good person, with all the hope in the world. She met someone special, Lila, in her college years. It started with a showing of hospitality to a moment of love to starting their lives as close friends once college was over.
However life throws her a twist and Lila finds herself not getting as much work as she hoped, so Maggie did what she felt was right. Giving up any career goals she had planned to help the dreams of her friend; sticking by her side for better or worse. Then one day Maggie realises that moment of love had an impact on her. Then life throws her another twist, as it turns out the biggest obstacle standing in the way of Lila’s dreams are the people running the place that determines her career. Now Maggie realises she would have to choose between either her happiness or her friend’s. Doing what she believes is right, she chose her friend’s.
Living in a place where she’s constantly reminded that people like her are wrong, that they don’t deserve any happiness, Maggie goes from hopeful and good natured to a broken and battered spirit throughout the years. However still wanting to do the right thing, she takes the abuse and tries her best to continue to be good natured. She then tries to solve her emotional angst by falling in love with someone else, however life throws her more twists and Maggie finds it hard to fall in love with the people she met.
It’s just one endless storm after another for her. She waits years and years, longing for the day the storm will be over. All the years of having her spirit beaten into the ground, results in demons manifesting themselves within her. However still trying to do the right thing, she tries to be strong and fight off those demons. Bottling them inside and continuing on. Then one day things appear like they might be clearing up. However life then tosses her another twist. Like anyone else, with all those demons building up inside her, they’re going to try and find any way they can to get out. Finally they located a weakness in Maggie’s armour. The one thing Maggie desperately thrives for: the need to feel love and happiness again. Now with an outlet to release themselves, they drive Maggie into insanity. Turning what was once a beautiful memory into something ugly; something that resulted in Maggie doing ugly things. As they say, it’s often the best people that gets hit the hardest when the worst of life happens to them.
Then this is when Jennifer herself enters her life. A part of Maggie, the good part of her still wanting to do the right thing, pushes Maggie to fall in love with Jennifer. That happy moment in her life is finally felt once again. With that part of her fulfilled, the floodgates open and the demons are released; giving Maggie back control of herself. However as things start to go good again, after just one week, life inevitably gives her another twist. Now due to the crimes she committed when she had little control, every hope she had for the future, hope to live a happy life are going to come crashing down before they ever had a real chance to begin. Now rather than living the rest of her life knowing that happy future is never going to happen, Maggie decides to finally give up on life instead.
“There’s got to be some other way, Mags,” Lila insists.
“Only other option, Lila, is prison,” Maggie tells her. “I’ve spent so long waiting for things to get better. Then just when I found someone I love and finally discover my best friend is just like me, this happens. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life seeing the people that mean the most to me on the other side of a cage, knowing I’ll never be able to have a life with them. I couldn’t even last the few years I was hoping, I don’t even want to know what’ll become of me in prison.”
Lila looks at Maggie, tears beginning to drip down the actress’s face. Maggie looks back at Lila, doing her best to hold the tears back. “Goodbye you two. Lila, my dreams aren’t going to be coming true, but that doesn’t mean yours still can’t. If the world ever finds out about you, just hang in there. It’s going to be rough at first, but things can always get better. Whatever happens, don’t ever let this town or anyone else make you feel ashamed of who you are. Sorry about killing Michael too. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.” Maggie then shifts her gaze towards her girlfriend, “Jennifer, you gave me some of the happiest days I had in a long time. If only things could have worked out between us.”
Maggie raises her gun, but finds it hard to pull the trigger with her two beloveds staring back. “Turn around, I don’t want you two to see this.” After no compliance, Maggie raises her voice, more in a plea rather than a threat, “I said turn around!”
As much as it pains them, Jennifer and Lila slowly start to oblige to the demand. It feels like they’re turning their backs on Maggie. Not wanting to look at them, Maggie turns herself around too. She looks through the patio glass outside. She takes steps closer to the patio door. The blonde gazes at the city, at the lights that shine brightly in the night. “Time to give this city what they want,” she says aloud. The message was kind of to Jennifer and Lila, but more to herself. She then says one more thing. Something that Maggie must have thought about many times in the past. She mutters the words in a soft tone with a sob that can be heard in her voice, “Why do they hate us so much?”
Jennifer slowly turns her head to try and get a look at her girlfriend. Maggie begins to point the gun firmly to her head. The nervousness is making her hesitant. Maggie takes one deep breath to try and steady herself. Her finger lays on top of the trigger ring. It then shifts to the trigger itself.
Before she can press the trigger, Maggie suddenly feels the gun being pulled away from her head. She turns around to see her girlfriend trying to get her gun out of her hand. The two blondes wrestle.
Jennifer manages to get Maggie down to the floor, straddling herself around her girlfriend’s waist. With enough effort, the agent knocks the gun out of Maggie’s hand. Jennifer then grabs Maggie by the wrists and pins her girlfriend down to the floor. If their arm wrestling was any indication, Jennifer knows she can keep Maggie down, but Maggie was a fighter and would be able to get out eventually.
She looks down at the other woman with a sad expression on her face. “I can’t let you do this Maggie.”
“You have any other solutions? You and Lila planning on just letting me get away with this and continue on our lives like it was before?”
Jennifer thinks hard about Maggie’s words; a broken heart trying to figure out the right thing to do. Not broken because she found out her girlfriend was the unsub her team was searching for. Broken because despite her crimes, Jennifer still cares for Maggie, wishing she can still get out of this alive and well. She can’t live with knowing all this, knowing no matter how much Maggie tried to make things right, that she’s going to lose her life anyways.
Ever since Jennifer figured out what she wanted to do with her life, she always lived believed justice will prevail; that in the end, fairness will overcome all. Take her to the present, now she has to make the biggest decision of her life. While she wants to bring justice to the victims, on the other hand, there’s nothing fair about what happened to the life in front of her.
The blonde agent gives her answer. “I’m not... I’m not sure I can continue on like this night never happened. I’m so sorry Maggie,” the heartbreak can be heard in her voice.
It isn’t the answer Maggie is hoping for, but she can’t blame her beloved Jennifer. She looks at her girlfriend, right into those crystal blue eyes where she can still see love. As this is happening, Maggie bends one of her legs and plants her foot firmly on her floor. While her girlfriend is distracted staring at her, Maggie uses her leg to get her hips off the ground, lifting the agent right off her. Maggie quickly rushes for the gun.
“Please, please don’t do this Maggie,” Jennifer begs as Maggie gets a hold of the gun again. Suddenly an idea hits Jennifer, “Wait... wait a minute. Plead insanity!”
“What?” Maggie asks, not sure if she heard that right.
“Plead insanity,” Jennifer explains. “If you’re convicted under normal circumstances, you’ll be put away for life, but if you’re convicted under the notion you were mentally unstable; you’ll be sentenced to an institution. There the wardens will get to decide how long you stay in there.”
“So I might still spend the rest of my life locked away in a room?” Maggie asks.
“But then there might be the chance you’ll get out one day,” Jennifer adds. “It’s a possibility Maggie.”
“I’m not sure about this.”
“Please do it Maggie,” Lila speaks up. “Go with the plan. With everything we’ve been through, whether my career hits it big or not, I always imagined the two of us would be there to go through the journey together.”
“A few days ago we talked about if our relationship can still last even with the obstacles that’s going to be in the way,” Jennifer reminds her with a weeping voice. “I still want to continue that relationship Maggie. I know this is going to be the greatest obstacle to overcome, but I’m going to try and make it work. You’re the first person I’ve ever fallen in love with Maggie, and I don’t want to give up on you. I promise I’m not going to forget about you,” she tells Maggie with every bit of passion within her.
“Neither of us are going to forget about you Mags. I know it seems hopeless, but please don’t give up on life. Somewhere down that journey you’ll be going through, there can still be a happy ending,” says Lila. “You always watch over me Mags, let us watch over you now.”
Maggie looks at the two of them. As battered as her spirit is, there’s still a part of her that wants to believe there’s a rainbow after the storm. That part gets the better of Maggie, giving her thoughts of what a happy life might be like. She tosses aside the revolver and sits there, uncertain what’s going to happen next.
Jennifer and Lila come over to her side. They give Maggie a tight hug, knowing it will be a long time before they would be sharing a moment like this again. “Thank you,” Lila says relieved.
“I’m not sure if I can do this,” Maggie tells them. Jennifer holds her tighter, not wanting to let go.
When they feel ready, they break the hug and start discussing what to do next. “Okay here’s what we have to do...” they listen as Jennifer informs them of the plan she has in mind.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 18